Would you date someone with mental illness?

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

I just wish people would be more informed on some things before jumping to conclusions. As I said what if the illness they have is being treated & they almost have no symptoms at all of anything while on meds. Would they still refuse to date them because of some diagnosis.

 

...almost have no symptoms. And what transpires during the times that they DO exhibit symptoms is something that some people do NOT want to have to tolerate or experience.

 

Can't you respect that and move on? Or do you honestly expect people who do NOT have a mental disorder to put up with those times when a mentally disordered person WILL exhibit symptoms? By your own admission above, you stated that a person who is being treated for their mental disorder via meds will almost have no symptoms at all...

 

Almost.

 

.

[mightycpa]

I just wish people would be more informed on some things before jumping to conclusions. This isn't directed towards you. As I said what if the illness they have is being treated & they almost have no symptoms at all of anything while on meds. Would they still refuse to date them because of some diagnosis.

Hi NJ123. OK, so for me? Yeah, I'd drop them fast without asking a lot of questions as to their particular situation. Why?

 

First, because dating can lead to marriage. Marriage can lead to kids, and I would not want to introduce this into my family because of the potential for problems and how that would potentially impact me and my multiple children.

 

Second, because her family might contain more people who are similarly ill and not well controlled. Again, this has to do with the potential impact on my life.

 

Third, because even if controlled, controlled today does not mean controlled tomorrow. Once more, potential impact on me.

 

So, long story short, there is no shortage of potential trouble for my life that I can avoid up front, before I become invested in the decision. Before I know her too well, the fact that she's had to face this is not my problem. It is just one of many problems that I imagine she has to contend with and I have plenty to contend with already.

 

I know it probably seems very personal, but it is really no different than rejecting someone because they are short, or they have cancer or they are in a wheelchair or because their eyes are brown and not blue. That's not personal. That just is, and you may not like the choice, but it is not necessarily made out of ignorance or superiority. It's not that she's not good enough. It's that she possesses traits that are not what I want for me.

 

Hell, the truth is I can barely stand to be around ADHD people, and that is comparatively mild. I'm just not wired that way, and we don't mix well. If anything, I'm doing the both of us a favor with such an early decision. If someone has these types of issues, they'll want someone who is forgiving and empathetic and supportive in these arenas. That's just not me in this situation. I'm selfish that way.

 

I think a lot of people are that way, and when it comes to your life, I don't think that's such a bad thing.

[joyfulgirl79]

^^^

This.

 

Dating someone who is going through depression because their loved one passed away or because they went through a difficult divorce is NOT what *I* consider to be a mental illness. I would date a person who was going through a depression of this nature and see if they ever overcame it.

 

However, *I* choose NOT to date a person who is bipolar or who has any other type of mental disorder that involves them having to take Lithium or other strong types of medication for the rest of their lives so that they can go through each day, each month and each year of their life WITHOUT having a psychotic/manic episode or mental "flare up".

 

 

 

 

 

.

 

Again.

 

 

This is an example of stigma. A stigma is negative stereotype often perpetuated by misinformation.

 

The fact is.....some ( in fact more than you think) people with bi polar can off meds under the direction of a doctor and manage it lifestyle management. Not everyone, but quite a number. They know when to see a doctor to reevaulate.

 

Also, mania is not automatically a psychotic episode. In fact, psychotic episodes in bi polar are rare.

 

Did you know also, that all one needs for a diagnosis of bipolar is one manic episode?

 

For many......that's all they have.

 

Bi polar does not equal psychotic.

 

Also, your misinformation about drugs is apparent as well.

 

People have this fear of lithium without understanding it is not reserved for " extra crazy". It was not used widely for some time due to side effects. It is becoming more common again.

 

Oh.....and just for fun facts sake....did you know depression can cause psychotic episodes?

 

even situational depression due to grief or other circumstances....

 

and the getting through each day thing.....

 

Again. Bi polar is not constant. It is not an " everyday struggle". It can be while ill and I'm not diminishing anything. But there are truly periods of wellness.

[NJ123]

...almost have no symptoms. And what transpires during the times that they DO exhibit symptoms is something that some people do NOT want to have to tolerate or experience.

 

Can't you respect that and move on? Or do you honestly expect people who do NOT have a mental disorder to put up with those times when a mentally disordered person WILL exhibit symptoms? By your own admission above, you stated that a person who is being treated for their mental disorder via meds will almost have no symptoms at all...

 

Almost.

 

.

 

Give me a break already. It depends on the illness. If they have severe depression but are on the right meds & they sometimes feel a bit down even while on them but nothing too bad. That's almost having no symptoms but nothing where their going to go crazy or affect their life much. You just are trying to justify yourself in you're ridiculous views. You obviously look down on people who aren't "normal" & aren't informed. And if you're so normal why are you single yourself right now, maybe you need to look at yourself for why that is.

Edited March 2, 2015 by NJ123

[mightycpa]

This is an example of stigma. A stigma is negative stereotype often perpetuated by misinformation.

 

Yes, but... it is the mentally ill person that feels the stigma - and they can do so even if the decision maker is solely concerned about their own well-being and the mere potential for problems, and makes no judgment about the worthiness of the person.

 

The shame, disgrace, dishonor, whatever you want to call it rests entirely with the person who feels it.

 

If somebody tells me they can't date me because my eyes are brown, I'm not going to feel any lesser for it. That's because I don't view it as a problem; it doesn't matter what the other person thinks about it.

 

Any stigma felt is because the person that feels it believes there is something wrong with them. You've got the whole idea of stigma backwards. It originates from within, not from the outside.

[alphamale]

I sympathize with them and would even be friends but never ever would I date a person with a severe mental illness.

what if such person was totally normal to you?

[xxoo]

It's important to consider that a diagnosis like bipolar can be extreme, and people (maybe posters here) can be traumatized by personal experiences with a loved one suffering from bipolar disorder. In that case, it's not so much about stigma, but rather about personal experience and being sensitized to the diagnosis, "gun shy" for lack of a better term.

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

Give me a break already. It depends on the illness. If they have severe depression but are on the right meds & they sometimes feel a bit down even while on them but nothing too bad. That's almost having no symptoms but nothing where their going to go crazy or affect their life much. You just are trying to justify yourself in you're ridiculous views. You obviously look down on people who aren't "normal" & aren't informed. And if you're so normal why are you single yourself right now, maybe you need to look at yourself for why that is.

 

Sorry, but I choose NOT to get involved with someone who "sometimes" show symptoms of their mental disorder. As far as them "sometimes" showing symptoms that don't involve them "going to go crazy" or "not affecting their life much", those are things I choose NOT to sign up for. That's a risk that I CHOOSE *NOT* to take for what *I* want in MY life.

 

Since you seem to have trouble comprehending MY dating choices as well as writing in a condescending tone towards me, why don't you read mightycpa's most recent post. I have been saying what he said in his post since my initial post, but you and others on this thread seem determined to make my personal choices and decisions regarding who *I* date to be wrong and uninformed.

 

And, I don't "look down on people" who "aren't normal" and "aren't informed"(?). I just choose what type of people *I* want to date and welcome into MY life. If that bothers you, that's unfortunate. But that's on YOU.

 

Being single has nothing whatever to do with whether someone is normal or not lol. If you have nothing of value to add to a conversation or if you've run out of reasons to state your position, then please don't resort to immature responses or name calling. That just reinforces what I've been saying even further. I'm not going to respond to you anymore because you don't know how to have a respectful conversation with someone who doesn't agree with your viewpoint.

 

 

.

[joyfulgirl79]

I agree that some people here have been traumatized by some people with some extreme cases of mental illness.

 

however. Where do stigmas come from? misinformation and fear.

 

And due to quite a few comments in this thread, I see the stigma against mental illness is alive and well.

[NJ123]

Hi NJ123. OK, so for me? Yeah, I'd drop them fast without asking a lot of questions as to their particular situation. Why?

 

First, because dating can lead to marriage. Marriage can lead to kids, and I would not want to introduce this into my family because of the potential for problems and how that would potentially impact me and my multiple children.

 

Second, because her family might contain more people who are similarly ill and not well controlled. Again, this has to do with the potential impact on my life.

 

Third, because even if controlled, controlled today does not mean controlled tomorrow. Once more, potential impact on me.

 

So, long story short, there is no shortage of potential trouble for my life that I can avoid up front, before I become invested in the decision. Before I know her too well, the fact that she's had to face this is not my problem. It is just one of many problems that I imagine she has to contend with and I have plenty to contend with already.

 

I know it probably seems very personal, but it is really no different than rejecting someone because they are short, or they have cancer or they are in a wheelchair or because their eyes are brown and not blue. That's not personal. That just is, and you may not like the choice, but it is not necessarily made out of ignorance or superiority. It's not that she's not good enough. It's that she possesses traits that are not what I want for me.

 

Hell, the truth is I can barely stand to be around ADHD people, and that is comparatively mild. I'm just not wired that way, and we don't mix well. If anything, I'm doing the both of us a favor with such an early decision. If someone has these types of issues, they'll want someone who is forgiving and empathetic and supportive in these arenas. That's just not me in this situation. I'm selfish that way.

 

I think a lot of people are that way, and when it comes to your life, I don't think that's such a bad thing.

 

True, but oh well. I'm just going to accept being alone anyway since I see how people actually view these things now. It's worse than I thought. It's pretty sad that the vast majority of people would just leave someone due to a diagnosis regardless of what it is. If I was dating a woman, I'd assume the worst at this point. Unfortunately I've heard of this happening where everything was going great for a long while, than the guy told her he had depression or whatever it was, than she went distant & cold. And dumped him. Than he said he's never going to tell anyone else about it to women in the future that he sees.

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

I agree that some people here have been traumatized by some people with some extreme cases of mental illness.

 

however. Where do stigmas come from? misinformation and fear.

 

And due to quite a few comments in this thread, I see the stigma against mental illness is alive and well.

 

No matter HOW INFORMED a person is about mental disorders, they can still CHOOSE *NOT* to become involved with a mentally disordered person. It is THEIR CHOICE.

 

 

.

[NJ123]

Sorry, but I choose NOT to get involved with someone who "sometimes" show symptoms of their mental disorder. As far as them "sometimes" showing symptoms that don't involve them "going to go crazy" or "not affecting their life much", those are things I choose NOT to sign up for. That's a risk that I CHOOSE *NOT* to take for what *I* want in MY life.

 

Since you seem to have trouble comprehending MY dating choices as well as writing in a condescending tone towards me, why don't you read mightycpa's most recent post. I have been saying what he said in his post since my initial post, but you and others on this thread seem determined to make my personal choices and decisions regarding who *I* date to be wrong and uninformed.

 

And, I don't "look down on people" who "aren't normal" and "aren't informed"(?). I just choose what type of people *I* want to date and welcome into MY life. If that bothers you, that's unfortunate. But that's on YOU.

 

Being single has nothing whatever to do with whether someone is normal or not lol. If you have nothing of value to add to a conversation or if you've run out of reasons to state your position, then please don't resort to immature responses or name calling. That just reinforces what I've been saying even further. I'm not going to respond to you anymore because you don't know how to have a respectful conversation with someone who doesn't agree with your viewpoint.

 

 

.

 

That's like saying if someone you were with for a year where everything was going extremely great, but than they told you they have mild depression & take a small dose of meds for it. You'd just all of a sudden cut them out of your life just due to something like that? That would be your loss.

[alphamale]

No matter HOW INFORMED a person is about mental disorders, they can still CHOOSE *NOT* to become involved with a mentally disordered person. It is THEIR CHOICE.

it is their choice IF they know about it. the person may not tell them or they may be undiagnoses. even in america, the majority of those with mental illness are NOT diagnosed. That is a fact.

[joyfulgirl79]

blackopszombiegirl...

 

I don't think anyone is seeing your choice of not choosing to date someone as a mental illness as wrong.

 

It is your comments about being " normal" and it is just so obvious due to your comments about psychotic episodes, medications, and so on that you do not have informed knowledge and then still calling yourself " normal" is what is difficult to read.

[mightycpa]

I agree that some people here have been traumatized by some people with some extreme cases of mental illness.

 

however. Where do stigmas come from? misinformation and fear.

 

And due to quite a few comments in this thread, I see the stigma against mental illness is alive and well.

 

Maybe you could expound upon that for us... FEAR of what, exactly?

 

As to stigma, the way you use it is like a mark of disgrace on somebody. In other words, a sufficient number of people in society think "this condition is undesirable, and I don't want anything to do with it."

 

Yeah, I guess so in a way. But you give the impression that there's something wrong with that, that this is some kind of judgment about the person's character. It isn't a conspiracy to make people feel bad. It's just a popular choice, like "I want a coke", except other people suffer for the choice.

 

I really think that today's attitude is the best you'll ever get. Today's attitude is "it's not for me, but if you want that for you, go for it." You'll never see the day when people say

 

I'm going to do it even though I don't want to

or

Wow, that sounds like something I want to be a part of!

 

I think that people can have compassion and still not elect to bring it into their lives. What more can you ask?

[alphamale]

No matter HOW INFORMED a person is about mental disorders, they can still CHOOSE *NOT* to become involved with a mentally disordered person. It is THEIR CHOICE.

 

 

.

BOZG, if they are aware of any mental illness they may choose not to date that person. It like any other disability. If I was dating you for a month then you told me you had cancer I probably wouldn't stick around. Not that i don't like you but because i don't want to deal with someone i barely know who has a deadly disease that goes on for years.

[joyfulgirl79]

well, I suppose I see your point.

 

Or, people could just say, I choose not to date soemone with bi polar.

 

It's when they add on misinformation. When they speak of case plans and treatment speak of medication that make them sound like something they are not , daily battles, psychotic episodes .....as reasons not to. That I will speak up and correct, as maybe ( and not because they have to !!!) someone may be open minded to date someone with bi polar, come across this thread and be scared off due to these comments....picturing a lifetime of those things.

[joyfulgirl79]

CPA...is it you that is the psych major?

 

If so....well....I hope you can potentially see why someone would hope for more than that. Wow.

 

Everyone knows mental illness carries stigma.

 

Will that change? well it's changed a lot to the point that people are more accepting, yes. People are like, you know....no longer locked away.

 

however, correcting misinformation needs to happen.

[NJ123]

CPA...is it you that is the psych major?

 

If so....well....I hope you can potentially see why someone would hope for more than that. Wow.

 

Everyone knows mental illness carries stigma.

 

Will that change? well it's changed a lot to the point that people are more accepting, yes. People are like, you know....no longer locked away.

 

however, correcting misinformation needs to happen.

 

Honestly, this thread has really made me feel it's even worse than I thought about how people view these things. It's like if I say something to a woman I'm seeing than in a split second the way they feel about me is completely the opposite. That's just sad. And the thing is you'll never know how they'll react even if things are going great. As I said, I know a guy on another forum who had depression that this particular instance happened to. He told her, than she went distant & dumped him. And said he's never going to mention it to anyone else that he sees after his relationship was destroyed due to telling her about it.

Edited March 2, 2015 by NJ123

[Rejected Rosebud]

Honestly, this thread has really made me feel it's even worse than I thought about how people view these things. It's like if I say something to a woman I'm seeing than in a split second the way they feel about me is completely the opposite. That's just sad. And the thing is you'll never know how they'll react even if things are going great. As I said, I know a guy on another forum who had depression that this particular instance happened to. He told her, than she went distant & dumped him. And said he's never going to mention it to anyone else that he sees after his relationship was destroyed due to telling her about it.

That is not right, he just needs to be honest about who he is and look for the people who will accept that, just like we all do. What is the good in pretending we are something we aren't just so somebody would stick around with the fake us??

[joyfulgirl79]

This is really bothering me.

 

To dismiss this with " what more can you hope for?"

 

I can hope that someday mental illness will be seen for what it is. An illness.

 

No different than any other type of illness, just unfortunately, it affects someone's behaviour.

 

Fortunately, we live in a time where treatments are available.

 

God.

 

And that people will educate themselves about it or that enough public awareness will be made so that people will finally acknowledge that it does mean someone will never get well.

[Maleficent]

CPA...is it you that is the psych major?

 

If so....well....I hope you can potentially see why someone would hope for more than that. Wow.

 

Everyone knows mental illness carries stigma.

 

Will that change? well it's changed a lot to the point that people are more accepting, yes. People are like, you know....no longer locked away.

 

however, correcting misinformation needs to happen.

 

I don' tknow about CPA but I'm the one who said being a psych major in the thread.

[joyfulgirl79]

thank you for the clarification lol.

[alphamale]

thank you for the clarification lol.

indeed....

[Maleficent]

This is really bothering me.

 

To dismiss this with " what more can you hope for?"

 

I can hope that someday mental illness will be seen for what it is. An illness.

 

No different than any other type of illness, just unfortunately, it affects someone's behaviour.

 

Fortunately, we live in a time where treatments are available.

 

God.

 

And that people will educate themselves about it or that enough public awareness will be made so that people will finally acknowledge that it does mean someone will never get well.

 

Well, we have to realize that people will have their preferences no matter what.

 

Some people will prefer not dating people with physical illnesses and that is ok, too. Just like people will prefer not to date outside their race or whatever the reason they choose to use.

 

Usually all this is doing is lowering their number of options. To be honest, for someone dealing with mental illness, it can be just as bad having a partner who doesn't want to deal with it.