Would you date someone with mental illness?

[Maleficent]

The fact he is taking medication would make it not a deal breaker but it would definitely raise a yellow flag.

 

And to whoever mentionned eating disorders, they are classified and treated as mental illnesses by the APA.

[alphamale]

And to whoever mentionned eating disorders, they are classified and treated as mental illnesses by the APA.

this is indeed the case

[Maleficent]

this is indeed the case

 

Yup. This is the post I was referring to.

 

sadly, most people on forums have opinions but not the facts. eating DISORDERS are not mental illnesses, so you might want to read up more on those. they can coexist with a mental illness but are not one in and of themselves. and the original OP was asking about bipolar, not depression. most people will not, in fact, meet the criteria for depression because they have periods of depression that come and go - they are depressed, perhaps for a few months, but then it passes. would they get diagnosed? Probably. Are they truly depressed? No. Depression and bipolar - any significant mental illness - has to be ongoing for (usually 9+ straight months with no breaks) before it is diagnosed. most people snap out of depressive states before that and are not truly depressed.

 

Also, someone with major depression symptoms for two weeks will be diagnosed. You can't expect someone to walk around depressed for 9 months. With all due respect, you're the one throwing around opinions and should read up on facts.

[PogoStick]

sadly, most people on forums have opinions but not the facts. eating DISORDERS are not mental illnesses, so you might want to read up more on those. they can coexist with a mental illness but are not one in and of themselves. and the original OP was asking about bipolar, not depression. most people will not, in fact, meet the criteria for depression because they have periods of depression that come and go - they are depressed, perhaps for a few months, but then it passes. would they get diagnosed? Probably. Are they truly depressed? No. Depression and bipolar - any significant mental illness - has to be ongoing for (usually 9+ straight months with no breaks) before it is diagnosed. most people snap out of depressive states before that and are not truly depressed.

 

Then I guess Bipolar DISORDER isn't a mental illness. Silly. Almost every mental illness includes the word DISORDER. Guess you better read up.

Here's a list from the National Alliance of Mental Illness:

Anxiety Disorders

Autism Spectrum Disorders

Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADD/ADHD)

Bipolar Disorder

Borderline Personality Disorder

Depression

Dissociative Disorders

Dual Diagnosis: Substance Abuse and Mental Illness

Eating Disorders

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)

Panic Disorder

Posttraumatic Stress Disorder

Schizoaffective Disorder

Schizophrenia

Seasonal Affective Disorder

Tourette's Syndrome

 

And the DSM criteria on Major Depression only requires 2 weeks...WAY OFF on 9 months.

Edited March 2, 2015 by PogoStick

[sportygirl89]

My ex had PTSD. He did not like it when I tried to help him get help. He will not change. He wonders why he cannot keep a girl (he's been through at least 3 after me). He won't change until he gets the help he needs. I learned I would not be able to help him at all, the hard way. So my answer is negative! That and he drinks heavily on his seizure medicine. I stayed until he did not want me to help him. Oh well.

[alphamale]

My ex had PTSD. He did not like it when I tried to help him get help. He will not change. He wonders why he cannot keep a girl (he's been through at least 3 after me). He won't change until he gets the help he needs. I learned I would not be able to help him at all, the hard way. So my answer is negative! That and he drinks heavily on his seizure medicine. I stayed until he did not want me to help him. Oh well.

it is ok sg89, people cannot get help until they really want it. Its just not his time right now but that day will come.

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

I have to say, I admire and respect this guy for being upfront and HONEST with you about his mental condition and even telling you what meds he takes. Some guys wouldn't have breathed a word about their disorder to you (or to any of their dates) and would've hidden it for as long as they could until you eventually found out about it.

 

You broke it off with him (which is what I would've done); and, that being said, I hope he doesn't keep getting discouraged from being honest with other women when they discontinue dating him because of his mental condition. I hope that he finds someone who is more emotionally equipped (and patient enough) to handle dating someone who has BPD.

 

 

.

[EveAFlame]

As a daughter with a mother who is bipolar, I would NOT. While I love my mother dearly, her illness resulted in her abandoning us, exposing us to random men when she was hyper-sexual, and a lot of other situations that could have ended badly. As it stands, I was hurt by one of her "men."

 

I wouldn't date a bipolar person, an alcoholic, a gambler, or someone who is sexually promiscuous. My experiences as a child has made me draw some pretty hard boundaries. I sympathize with them and would even be friends but never ever would I date a person with a severe mental illness.

[ThaWholigan]

Interesting thread this. I think about how my autism would affect any potential relationships going forward sometimes, so it's interesting.

 

I understand why OP made the decision she did though - not everybody can deal with it so it is what it is. At the end of the day, you have to do what is best for yourself, but hope that the person is able to find love eventually

[NJ123]

I have to say, I admire and respect this guy for being upfront and HONEST with you about his mental condition and even telling you what meds he takes. Some guys wouldn't have breathed a word about their disorder to you (or to any of their dates) and would've hidden it for as long as they could until you eventually found out about it.

 

You broke it off with him (which is what I would've done); and, that being said, I hope he doesn't keep getting discouraged from being honest with other women when they discontinue dating him because of his mental condition. I hope that he finds someone who is more emotionally equipped (and patient enough) to handle dating someone who has BPD.

 

 

.

 

Honestly, this is why people sometimes don't even mention about their condition. It's really not fair at all to be dumped for something they have no control over. I know Bipolar is severe, but I'm sure being dumped over it isn't the greatest feeling & he's possibly down about it even if he doesn't show it.

 

It honestly makes me wonder if I should ever mention about what I go through without scaring them off. I have something less severe than bipolar, but still I know I'd be stigmatized by people automatically.

Edited March 2, 2015 by NJ123

[ThaWholigan]

Honestly, this is why people sometimes don't even mention about their condition. It's really not fair at all to be dumped for something they have no control over. I know Bipolar is severe, but I'm sure being dumped over it isn't the greatest feeling & he's possibly down about it even if he doesn't show it.

 

It honestly makes me wonder if I should ever mention about what I go through without scaring them off. I have something less severe than bipolar, but still I know I'd be stigmatized by people automatically.

Bearing the truth and having a clean conscience to me is better than founding a relationship based on a lie. For both parties. How long can you keep up the charade?

 

I'm sure loads of girls will turn me down for a number of things I can't control - autism included - it's just part of the pain of progress.

[NJ123]

Bearing the truth and having a clean conscience to me is better than founding a relationship based on a lie. For both parties. How long can you keep up the charade?

 

I'm sure loads of girls will turn me down for a number of things I can't control - autism included - it's just part of the pain of progress.

 

True, I think people who have an understanding of illnesses would be way more willing to date someone with one than one who has no idea about it. It definitely would take an understanding & patient person to want to be with someone with some sort of illness.

[PogoStick]

Well, date a nurse. They are natural co-dependents

[NJ123]

Well, date a nurse. They are natural co-dependents

 

lol being with a sexy nurse would be a dream come true. Would be no complaints from me whatsoever.

[mightycpa]

If she was suffering from nymphomania, yeah, maybe for a little while, until I began to suffer from it too.

[Eternal Sunshine]

This is absurdly melodramatic. Most people will meet the criteria for anxiety or depressive disorders at some point in their lives. Eating disorders are skyrocketing. About 1 in 5 people can be diagnosed with depression at any given time. Are you suggesting about 20% of Americans aren't capable of normal, healthy relationships---any more than people who are naturally arrogant hateful, deceitful, or all other kinds of messed up that aren't technically mental illnesses?

 

I would agree if you were referring to only serious illnesses including bipolar disorder and schizophrenia, but all mental illnesses? C'mon.

 

This thread is not about a single depressive episode or an anxiety attack. It is about a mental illness that is incurable and significantly affects the quality of all aspects of life. I am talking about someone that needs to take a mood stabilizer, an anti-psychotic and an anti-convulsant every single day.

 

I am sick of this thread turning into a "stigma" of mental illness and "everyone has a mental illness" BS. That is so not the topic.

 

About 25% of people with bipolar 1 have been agressive towards their partner (meaning caused physical harm). Around 80% decide to stop medication at some point and that's when the s.. really hits the fan. Almost none are able to hold a full time job.

 

Screw "connection". I am not taking that on for anything.

[strawberrypancake]

Reading this threat I felt quite sad, I can't believe people are so quickly to turn someone away because of a mental illness. Without getting to know them or the extent of their illness, without hearing their story and finding out about their actual qualities. Many people with mental illness make empathetic, loving, caring and intelligent partners. The last poster said she was sick of the threat becoming a stigma BS threat, or whatever. But see how the ball gets rolling when this issue comes up? Clearly the opinions are divided, due to different experiences, be it positive or negative, but also lack of knowledge and ignorance, based on this social stigma that is so very apparent in Western society, especially in the US. It's just not like that in Europe (and I can say that, being a person with Aspergers having lived in the US and Europe)...

 

I am a fully functioning adult, I am in school, I have a boyfriend and friends, am caring for a cat, have an organized household and see my psychologist once a week, my psychiatrist once a month. I am diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome and Social Anxiety Disorder. I have suffered from Anorexia as a teenager (I am now 28), but I have overcome great obstacles in my life and am a really happy human now . My best friend is diagnosed with Depression and is dating a lot, although his not keeping a girl has more to do with his standards - he's quite popular with women (obviously not always disclosing his mental illness right away, but he has done so with girls he felt more for, and they didn't run). He's a kind friend and I wouldn't want anyone else as my best friend.

 

I also was in a 3 year relationship with a guy once who had Tourette Syndrome and he was violent towards me, treating me badly and overall it was hard to be with him as he had a lot of tics. But that doesnt mean I would never date someone with a mental illness ever again.

 

My boyfriend is a normal guy, free of any illness, and he is highly compassionate about my condition. Many people close to me say my "quirk" adds to my character. I tend to see the positives of things -- Of course there are difficult times, but the BF and me manage together. He knew about my condition when we started dating, as we were friends for 8 years prior to getting together.

 

What I am trying to say is, I get that people who have had bad experiences with people who suffered from mental illness are reluctant to date again in those circles, but it really depends on the individual SO MUCH, and everybody deserves a chance to get known. I have had good and bad experiences, just as I had good and bad experiences with completely 'healthy' people -- and I will always be open, perhaps because I live with a personality disorder myself, but I think also the environment that I have been brought up in lets me have a different stance on this issue. I grew up in Europe and when I moved to the States I remember how appalled I was by the way mental illness / personality disorders are being treated over there. It's a different world...

 

Just my two cents...

[chimpanA-2-chimpanZ]

This thread is not about a single depressive episode or an anxiety attack. It is about a mental illness that is incurable and significantly affects the quality of all aspects of life. I am talking about someone that needs to take a mood stabilizer, an anti-psychotic and an anti-convulsant every single day.

 

I am sick of this thread turning into a "stigma" of mental illness and "everyone has a mental illness" BS. That is so not the topic.

 

About 25% of people with bipolar 1 have been agressive towards their partner (meaning caused physical harm). Around 80% decide to stop medication at some point and that's when the s.. really hits the fan. Almost none are able to hold a full time job.

 

Screw "connection". I am not taking that on for anything.

 

OP, please read. I was not referring to your post; I was quoting someone else in the thread. I apologize for taking part in the discussion that evolved rather than addressing your initial question (which, to be fair, asked about dating someone with "a" mentail illness rather than a specific condition).

 

For what it's worth I would not date someone diagnosed with bipolar I. A friend's ex-wife had bipolar I and at one point she tried to kill him with a broken bottle I briefly dated someone who had depression with psychotic episodes (prior to his diagnosis) and it was incredibly frightening. Personally, any condition that requires use of tranquilizers, antipsychotics or lithium would be a deal-breaker for me.

 

Again, I think your thread title caused this discussion. It seems that most people here, myself included, would date someone with a more minor mental illness but not something severe like bipolar disorder. I'm just personally objecting to the implication that the existence of a mental illness itself is a reason to reject someone.

Edited March 2, 2015 by chimpanA-2-chimpanZ

[joyfulgirl79]

This thread makes me sad as well.

 

It's funny that nurses were mentioned, I'm a nurse with a mental illness.

 

I have borderline personality disorder though, which isn't one that is medicated. Well, that's not entirely true, I use medication to treat my depression which I am diagnosed with on top of the BPD.

 

Now. I went through an episode this winter. For the first time in ten years, as I practice mindfulness and do what I can to treat the disorder. It was horrible, I lashed out at someone, my thinking was off, and I lost a true friendship, then sunk into a deep depression. I had moved, was working some crazy shift work, my son was going through a hard time, and I had taken on a care taking role of my mother. The perfect storm stress wise to set something off....and in reality, a lot of people would have had difficulty managing that time period.

 

As to dating someone with bi polar.....speaking from someone who knows mental health as a professional and as an " insider".....well, bi polar is manageable.

 

To dismiss someone for bi polar...you could potentially lose out on a good partner. I myself would not date someone who is aware they have a mental health diagnosis, but doesn't manage it.

 

That is completely different than someone who does.

 

Bi polar is a chemical imabalance....so it would be the same as me not wanting to date someone who has diabetes and doesn't treat it. Because I have the awareness they will likely become quite ill, and it would be difficult to see them through.

 

But it truly is the same thing.

 

And these sorts of threads reinforce stigmas.

 

It is unfortunate that someone does have to become ill to receive a diagnosis, but once they are treated, many people with bi polar do not have any further episodes, and if they do, they are quite often manageable.

 

It's a disease.

 

Now...onto someone like myself who has a personality disorder....I think I would be more hesistant to date someone in that situation.

 

 

Which is why I am honest the moment a relationship seems to be becoming serious. I have to explain a relationship is a trigger, and if start seeming insecure or constantly seeking reassurance, to please tell me.

 

I lost a wonderful relationship a couple of years ago, and he said to me " you just weren't the person I met" . and we had known each other for a very long time prior to dating, and of course I took offense. When we spoke later, I told him of my diagnosis. He said " oh. this makes sense. why didn't you tell me and what I could have done?"

 

It was a shock to him, because aside from my mental illness and periods of being unwell, I live a normal life. I work as a nurse, raise my son, have friends, hobbies, and there's nothing scary about me.

 

but that doesn't mean someone has to date me with the knowledge that intimate relationships can cause my thinking to become quite faulty.

 

Mental illness's can be treated. And people with mental illness's can be treated. Right now, knowing I am going through a difficult time, dating is off the table. And it will be for quite some time until I know for certain I am stable again. I don't mean tomorrow....I mean months and months due to my latest episode.

 

People with mental illness can also have insight and be aware when they are in a good place to seek a partner or not.

 

They can also have insight and speak to a partner about a potential trigger and explain that it may set something off.

 

With all this said....honestly....bi polar while can appear confusing to someone when the individiual is ill, as I keep saying....is treatable. and manageable.

 

And honestly.....again, as a health care provider and someone who deals with these things.....people with mental illness who manage them are quite often some of the strongest human being's you will ever meet. They know pain, judgement, have changed their lifestyles to manage their illness....the list goes on.

 

 

No one has to date anyone and everyone has a right to their deal breakers...but I am somewhat surprised that in 2015 bipolar still carries such a stigma.

[strawberrypancake]

And honestly.....again, as a health care provider and someone who deals with these things.....people with mental illness who manage them are quite often some of the strongest human being's you will ever meet. They know pain, judgement, have changed their lifestyles to manage their illness....the list goes on.

 

 

No one has to date anyone and everyone has a right to their deal breakers...but I am somewhat surprised that in 2015 bipolar still carries such a stigma.

 

 

THIS!!! With cherries on top!

[Eternal Sunshine]

Again, bipolar 1 is not about stigma. It's about very real emotional and financial consequences for the partner and the relationship. There are some people who will willingly take on the role but it's not me. I also believe that there are people who don't research the condition properly or have naive approach to life where they blindly leap in and then suffer the consequences.

 

I have yet to hear one person that has been in a serious relationship with someone who is bipolar say "oh it's nothing. it's menagable"...

[SearchingForMyself]

reading these comments, I just burst out in tears.

 

Im a guy and i know im not supposed to cry but I have bipolar disorder. I live with it daily. I was/am homeless, I have no money, hardly any friends....

 

still searching for work...and the sheer alienation that people with mental disorders are potential train wrecks is so disheartening, that any bit of loneliness I felt just got magnified.

 

we are not some potential monsters, WE ARE HUMAN, and we have to fight a demon like this for all our lives.

 

Why do I feel like every day I walk out and greet a girl, or come to these forums, I feel less and less human?

 

it takes a special kind of person to see past our flaws, or any human flaws, and see the soul within battling their demons.

 

we are not monsters, we are just humans who struggle. we all do.

 

And im bloody tired of feeling like some kind of alien.

 

Maybe it is true, humankind is becoming more selfish, and I may be the worst of them all.

[joyfulgirl79]

I won't get into debating, as it is not worthwhile when it comes to these sorts of things.

 

My last post was quite rambly...

 

Again..yes, someone has to go through an " episode" to get diagnosed. Which may include poor financial decisions ( but not always) hypersexuality ( but not always ) violent behaviour ( this is more rare than people think) or other behaviours that may ALL happen, maybe one, maybe several.

 

Once they go through this, and get a diagnosis, then there is treatment. Which in bipolar, is medication and life management.

 

It does mean they will engage in those behaviours forever, or will lack insight in the future to think for example...." hey...I just spent money on this , that was foolish....maybe before this get's out of hand....I should ask someone to take my bank card and go see my doctor"

 

Threads like this imply that people with mental illness have no control over their behaviours.

 

If you go back to my diabetes reference.....again, from a medical point. Someone can have diabetes , manage it with meds, and never again go into a diabetic coma, or have the health issues that led to the diagnosis. But they will still have some moments where their sugars are slightly high or low, and need to adjust to manage.

 

And others with diabetes will start to treat it , it will be med resistant, they will not want to change their lifestyle, and it will always be out of control, and they will consistently be ill.

 

Believe me when I say.....there are a LOT more people with mental illness than you realize and they function in a normal capacity, and it is due to managing it.

 

They just don't talk about it because of the fear of stigma. Which is alive and real.

[SearchingForMyself]

Again, bipolar 1 is not about stigma. It's about very real emotional and financial consequences for the partner and the relationship. There are some people who will willingly take on the role but it's not me. I also believe that there are people who don't research the condition properly or have naive approach to life where they blindly leap in and then suffer the consequences.

 

I have yet to hear one person that has been in a serious relationship with someone who is bipolar say "oh it's nothing. it's menagable"...

 

no one said you have to.

 

But frankly, if I may be blunt, I told myself I would never date a woman of a certain socioeconomic status for a reason, even if I was well off.

 

you and I could not be friends simply because I get the strong vibe that youre trying to hide your disgust for bipolar.

 

Im bipolar, have been for years. try being a bipolar without a home....or money, living on the streets begging for a place to sleep or food to eat...killing your pride...taking whatever jobs come your way.

 

then have that same person come on forums like these and feel more alienated.

 

Im at my moms right now, trying not to explode.

 

I need to be with someone who shares in my struggle, and eternal sunshine, you just dont know what its like.

 

Please dont try to justify yourself, just accept that its not in your ballpark. Only people who experience what we experience could truly understand us.

 

I appreciate your justification, but really, its not needed.

 

Just accept that its not your area.

[strawberrypancake]

Again, bipolar 1 is not about stigma. It's about very real emotional and financial consequences for the partner and the relationship. There are some people who will willingly take on the role but it's not me. I also believe that there are people who don't research the condition properly or have naive approach to life where they blindly leap in and then suffer the consequences.

 

I have yet to hear one person that has been in a serious relationship with someone who is bipolar say "oh it's nothing. it's menagable"...

 

But how do you know about the real emotional and financial consequences if you shut this guy off after only a few dates? What it means to you if you date a person - you never know the extent, what you wrote are speculations based on prior experiences or what you have heard from others. Nobody says you should take on any "role", you have the complete right to do whatever pleases you.

But my comment (and I believe also joyfulgirl79's comment), were mainly based on all the negativity we read unfold on this thread, full-on negativity regarding some mystic general opinion, without regarding the particular.