Would you date someone with mental illness?

[rester]

 

I wish people would realize that mental illness is similar to physical illness.

 

How so? If someone catches a cold or flu, they get over the virus in a week. If you have bipolar depression, you never get over that. It's ongoing; you take medication and attend therapy and it's just not something you can physically recover from.

 

But in no way, is bipolar depression close to physical illness in the sense that it's curable.

 

Mental illness is incurable.

 

It's something the person has to live with for the rest of their life, and it effects their ability to function in society as far as relationships, employment, etc.,.

 

 

I wasn’t talking about curable physical illnesses like the cold or flu, but I can see how that was misinterpreted. The comparison I was trying to make was to physical illnesses like MS, ALS, war injuries, car accidents, etc. These things happen to people just like mental illness does. It’s not an “opinion” that mental illness can be onset later in life, it’s a “fact”. Would I date someone with MS? No, I wouldn’t. Would I date a paraplegic? Probably not. I accept any judgment I get for that.

 

I think the comparison to mental illness and physical illness is valid.

 

 

 

You don't have to date them, but at least remember they're normal people and illness can strike anyone at any time, physical or mental.

 

So then why are the people like the thread starter, myself and a few others who choose not to date mentally ill people (I have; I wont' do it again), being lambasted? Why is our choice not to date a mentally ill person being attacked as being wrong? It's not wrong if it's our choice.

I can’t speak for other posters, but I did not intend to lambast anyone for their choices, and I tried to make that clear in my post.

 

 

I won't speak for the others, just myself; it's hypocritical to throw stones at people [like me] for their choice of not wanting to date a mentally ill person [again] and accuse them of viewing all mentally ill people in a bad light, because that's not the case at all. It's a weak tactic used to argue that you should date a mentally ill person because they aren't bad people.

 

People who choose not to date a mentally ill person are not bad people. That argument continuously gets tossed around here like it's a fact when clearly it's not. It's just someone's strong opinion.

 

I agree. Not sure why you’re directing this at me.

 

 

 

I don't want to be a caretaker for a bipolar man. That's not my relationship goal. And to compare bipolar depression to a mate with a terminal illness isn't the same thing either. It boils down to personal choice in choosing who you want to date/marry.

 

And if you don't want to date/marry someone who suffers from a mental illness like bipolar depression there is nothing wrong with that choice.

 

Once again, I don’t have a problem with your choice and I mostly agree with it, but there have been some incorrect facts in this thread being stated as opinions, and I think that’s why posters are getting agitated.

[rester]

People should make informed decisions based on research into the pros AND cons of the situation. And it's worth nothing, that episodes are no joke.

 

Speaking specifically to major depression, the very nature of this disease makes you self absorbed when you're having an episode. There's just no other way to put it. Your focus shifts inward. Not because you're inherently selfish - of course not! My ex, before he started having episodes, was one of the most thoughtful people Id ever met. But this disorder affects the way you think. All the thoughtfulness and empathy go out the window during down time. Even in instances when the person is aware that their behavior is messed up, it doesn't mean they can control it in the moment. **They may not even remember it happened** by the time they come out of the fog.

 

And while all of this is happening, what is the partner's role? To be supportive. To be patient. To be understanding. It's unfair.

 

And mind you, these "episodes" can last months at a time.

 

I feel a great deal of sympathy for people who have to live with mental illness. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Most important to note, I don't by any means think they're "freaks." But there's a huge space in my heart for their spouses/partners because their pain is generally a second thought.

 

I didn't mean to intend that you think people with mental illness are freaks. It wasn't directed at you or anyone in particular and I shouldn't have written it at all.

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

People should make informed decisions based on research into the pros AND cons of the situation. And it's worth nothing, that episodes are no joke.

 

Speaking specifically to major depression, the very nature of this disease makes you self absorbed when you're having an episode. There's just no other way to put it. Your focus shifts inward. Not because you're inherently selfish - of course not! My ex, before he started having episodes, was one of the most thoughtful people Id ever met. But this disorder affects the way you think. All the thoughtfulness and empathy go out the window during down time. Even in instances when the person is aware that their behavior is messed up, it doesn't mean they can control it in the moment. **They may not even remember it happened** by the time they come out of the fog.

 

And while all of this is happening, what is the partner's role? To be supportive. To be patient. To be understanding. It's unfair.

 

And mind you, these "episodes" can last months at a time.

 

I feel a great deal of sympathy for people who have to live with mental illness. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Most important to note, I don't by any means think they're "freaks." But there's a huge space in my heart for their spouses/partners because their pain is generally a second thought.

 

Lexi, every post you have ever written regarding the OP's thread are things that I've been saying all along, albeit saying it differently. Writergal has also hit the nail on the head with her posts about how those of us who - although we have compassion and understanding for those with a mental illness - choose not to date or become romantically involved with them are being "lambasted" because of our dating preferences.

 

Whether mental illness (or a physical illness) is incurable or curable, whether it's manageable or not, or whether it may or may not become an issue in a romantic relationship, some people simply choose not to take the risk of getting involved with someone with bipolar (or any other) mental disorder, as Lexi, Writergal, Starship and I have reiterated over and over again.

 

This fact and reality seems to escape all of the other posters who are grossly offended by those of us who would not become involved with a person who has a mental disorder and instead, they bring up situations and instances where people who suffer a mental disorder successfully "manage" their illness and "almost always" take their medications as prescribed and "almost always" behave as normally as any other person does who does not have a mental disorder.

 

I'm just glad that I'm not the only poster on here who shares this same dating preference. Also worth mentioning: I realize that even people who do NOT have a mental disorder could have character disturbances and personality flaws that I also would not date or enter into a relationship with! But usually, character disturbances and personality flaws aren't revealed until a certain amount of time has been spent with said person; and even when such disturbances and flaws are revealed, the person who is exhibiting them aren't doing so because they have missed a dose of medication or has stopped taking their meds.

 

.

[NJ123]

Lexi, every post you have ever written regarding the OP's thread are things that I've been saying all along, albeit saying it differently. Writergal has also hit the nail on the head with her posts about how those of us who - although we have compassion and understanding for those with a mental illness - choose not to date or become romantically involved with them are being "lambasted" because of our dating preferences.

 

Whether mental illness (or a physical illness) is incurable or curable, whether it's manageable or not, or whether it may or may not become an issue in a romantic relationship, some people simply choose not to take the risk of getting involved with someone with bipolar (or any other) mental disorder, as Lexi, Writergal, Starship and I have reiterated over and over again.

 

This fact and reality seems to escape all of the other posters who are grossly offended by those of us who would not become involved with a person who has a mental disorder and instead, they bring up situations and instances where people who suffer a mental disorder successfully "manage" their illness and "almost always" take their medications as prescribed and "almost always" behave as normally as any other person does who does not have a mental disorder.

 

I'm just glad that I'm not the only poster on here who shares this same dating preference. Also worth mentioning: I realize that even people who do NOT have a mental disorder could have character disturbances and personality flaws that I also would not date or enter into a relationship with! But usually, character disturbances and personality flaws aren't revealed until a certain amount of time has been spent with said person; and even when such disturbances and flaws are revealed, the person who is exhibiting them aren't doing so because they have missed a dose of medication or has stopped taking their meds.

 

.

 

Who's to say you don't have any character flaws yourself that people wouldn't want to be with you because of them? Just saying since no one is perfect. Everyone has some sort of baggage no matter who they are, even if their completely healthy from any disease.

[xxoo]

Who's to say you don't have any character flaws yourself that people wouldn't want to be with you because of them? Just saying since no one is perfect. Everyone has some sort of baggage no matter who they are, even if their completely healthy from any disease.

 

Absolutely true.

 

For those struggling with mental illness, and feeling discouraged when others state that they would never date someone with mental illness, just remember that you'd have nothing to gain from dating them anyway. There are others out there who would be a far better match. And the healthier we get, the healthier our partners tend to be, which is a great motivator to be vigilant about self care and getting help when needed.

[writergal]

I wasn’t talking about curable physical illnesses like the cold or flu, but I can see how that was misinterpreted. The comparison I was trying to make was to physical illnesses like MS, ALS, war injuries, car accidents, etc. These things happen to people just like mental illness does. It’s not an “opinion” that mental illness can be onset later in life, it’s a “fact”. Would I date someone with MS? No, I wouldn’t. Would I date a paraplegic? Probably not. I accept any judgment I get for that.

 

I think the comparison to mental illness and physical illness is valid.

 

 

 

 

I can’t speak for other posters, but I did not intend to lambast anyone for their choices, and I tried to make that clear in my post.

 

 

 

 

I agree. Not sure why you’re directing this at me.

 

 

 

 

Once again, I don’t have a problem with your choice and I mostly agree with it, but there have been some incorrect facts in this thread being stated as opinions, and I think that’s why posters are getting agitated.

 

The posters who are agitated are the posters like yourself, NJ123, Deb, and others who disagree with my opinions. That's all. I didn't make any claims about mental illness that are untrue. I said that mental illness is not curable, and that people are born with it. Both of those statements are true.

 

Now, if you disagree with the statements that I've made here that's fine. We're allowed to agree to disagree, but you and NJ123 and others need to stop personally attacking me in this thread for my opinion, because it's frankly the equivalent of beating a dead horse and it's off topic.

 

It is a fact that some people are born with mental illness; because some people are genetically predisposed. DNA versus environmental factors, or both is not what's being argued here, with regards to how people become mentally ill. The discussion is around whether or not you would date someone with bipolar depression.

 

I've already explained why I wouldn't date someone with bipolar depression (again, since I already did date someone with that mental illness).

[writergal]

Who's to say you don't have any character flaws yourself that people wouldn't want to be with you because of them? Just saying since no one is perfect. Everyone has some sort of baggage no matter who they are, even if their completely healthy from any disease.

 

She doesn't have bipolar depression NJ123. Character flaws? Now you're reaching. The art of conversation is knowing when to pull back and when to push forward. Stop pushing.

[NJ123]

She doesn't have bipolar depression NJ123. Character flaws? Now you're reaching. The art of conversation is knowing when to pull back and when to push forward. Stop pushing.

 

She specifically mentioned knowing others have character flaws yet who's to say she doesn't have any herself that guys would be turned off from? Healthy people could have a lot of baggage themselves, no ifs ands or buts about that. It doesn't matter whether they have an illness or not, there's lots of women for instance I'd have no interest in due to things about them that would be instant turn offs regardless if their healthy or not.

[NJ123]

Absolutely true.

 

For those struggling with mental illness, and feeling discouraged when others state that they would never date someone with mental illness, just remember that you'd have nothing to gain from dating them anyway. There are others out there who would be a far better match. And the healthier we get, the healthier our partners tend to be, which is a great motivator to be vigilant about self care and getting help when needed.

 

I agree. Everyone has a right to date whomever they want, but if someone could be with someone with a severe illness than it shows how strong of a person they are. You'd know that person is a keeper.

Edited March 7, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Fix quote

[xxoo]

I agree. Everyone has a right to date whomever they want, but if someone could be with someone with a severe illness than it shows how strong of a person they are. You'd know that person is a keeper.

 

Maybe. Or maybe it is someone who is unhealthfully drawn to the behaviors associated with the mental illness. Or someone who is codependent and needs to be "needed" in order to feel good. Those people can even enable the mental ill partner, contributing to disorder rather than helping.

 

It is best to get yourself to a healthy place, and then choose a healthy partner.

[hotpotato]

That depends...

 

Would that person's issues hurt my self esteem? Am I scared this person will hurt me?

 

Either way, the answer would be no.

 

My uncles ex wife has a mental disorder, and she is very erratic. She is now institutionalized. That I couldn't deal with either.

[William]

Noting several warnings from moderation on this thread that have been ignored, this thread will remain closed. ~Thank you

Edited March 6, 2015 by William