Would you date someone with mental illness?

[Maleficent]

thank you for the clarification lol.

 

Not sure how it related to the subject though?

[mightycpa]

I don' tknow about CPA but I'm the one who said being a psych major in the thread.

 

Actually, you do know about CPA.

 

CPA.

[mightycpa]

Not sure how it related to the subject though?

 

(S)he? could not believe that as a psych major that I could espouse such views.

[joyfulgirl79]

I am not sure as to where all the confusion is coming from.

 

I said at the very begining, of course it is personal choice.

 

And then any time something was corrected about what bi polar actually is, or correcting mis information, people have jumped and said it's my choice.

 

When I speak of stigmas and fear....it's when people automatically start making comments talking of what this will have to go through. And the comments were not factual.

 

This is nothing about personal choice from my end, the continuation at this point. It is correcting misinformation about bi polar.

[sweetjasmine]

No different than any other type of illness, just unfortunately, it affects someone's behaviour.

 

Behavior is the whole basis of human relationships. So it shouldn't be a surprise that something that affects human behavior will affect human relationships. It's impossible for something to affect your behavior but not affect the way you relate to other people in any way.

[joyfulgirl79]

this is true.

 

however.

 

My whole point was, to receive a diagnosis, yes at one point someone's behaviours would need to be those that are diagnosed.

 

It does not mean they are going to have a life time of those behaviours.

[AprilTears]

Very untrue. Not everyone has a mental illness, particularly where it requires drugs to stay on track mentally.

 

While I feel a great deal of compassion for people dealing with this kind of thing, it does not mean that I need to be romantically involved with them. This kind of thing is very serious stuff that would be very, very challenging to a person with good mental health. Also, don't forget that after a few years, those drugs will most likely stop being effective and that person will have to switch to something else - which may or may not work. There's also a good chance that he may get tired of the whole thing and decide to stop taking medication altogether. Then you have a whole new nightmare on your hands. Not only that, if you want children, then it's highly likely that this will be passed on to your kids, or your grandkids.

 

There's one thing that I've learned that is very, very key to relationships working out, but it's rarely talked about -- you need to be mentally and emotionally on the same plane. By that, I mean that you both need to have very close mental stability / instability. I know of someone who has schizophrenia and he's married to someone who's very socially impaired. They seem very happy together and have been married for several years now.

 

I was once with a guy who was a genius but had the emotional intelligence of an infant. We're no longer together. I was once with a guy who was emotionally unstable in the sense that he had to control everything. We're no longer together. Do you know what each of these guys - and others said to me? That I made them feel calm. I'm not saying I'm perfect and without fault, so don't misunderstand. But I do know that I'm mentally stable and I've learned that that can be a real attraction to mentally unstable people because your mental stability evens them out. But, unfortunately, it doesn't cut both ways. Mentally unstable people do not make me feel calm in any sense of the word. I've learned that it's absolutely imperative that I be with someone who's very much on the same plane as me when it comes to emotional and mental stability. I think this is true for most people but we tend to not give it enough importance.

 

I've learned my lesson on this one. I steer clear of situations like this. It has nowhere to go except downhill.

 

 

I'm just learning this hard lesson. NEVER again!

[todreaminblue]

My post wasn't ignorant; it is how *I* (and how many other people) feel about NOT wanting to date a mentally disordered person.

 

If I developed a mental illness later in life and someone left me, I would completely understand. I would also understand that - from that point on - it will be difficult for me to find a NORMAL person who would want to deal with my mental disorder and who would RISK having to experience and tolerate any symptoms, mental flare ups or psychotic episodes I will most likely end up exhibiting at some point in my life. If I wound up with a mental disorder, I would date OTHER MENTALLY DISORDERED PEOPLE.

 

It's interesting how your post insinuates how mentally disordered people want to date mentally NORMAL people and then feel resentful when normal people do NOT want to date THEM. Life isn't fair for EVERY ONE. Deal with it.

 

.

 

If I wound up with a mental disorder, I would date OTHER MENTALLY DISORDERED PEOPLE.

please classify what you consider normal...is this a normal point of view....

 

 

put it this way...as a mentally DISORDERED person i would not want to date soemone who did not want to date me normal or not.....

 

 

people in this thread me included.....are not trying to shame "normal" people like yourself...what i have tried to do by posting in this thread is show ...that sometimes "normal" ways fo thinking lack compassion understanding empathy and last of human kindness,.........

 

as a disorderly person who has been in and out of psyche wards i have seen a lot fo pain inflicted on mentally ill people by so called "normal " behavior exhibited by messed up normal people

 

one of these might be ....so called "normal men " who say they have mental conditions so they can have sex with vulnerable mentally ill women in psyche wards....or women and men who go in to get financial gain from disorderly mental people and rob them of money and possessions......

 

 

......a lot of what goes on that si cruel....calculated....unjust.....and against gods true intentions.....have been committed by people who are in no way disorderly...their brains clear on the fact on where to find vulnerable people and exploit them to all of their capacity they have as a human...but yet...you never hear about what happens to people like that who go into psyche wards to exploit the vulnerable...well you just did.....

 

 

as far as dating a "normal" person i have dated "so called " normal " guys......what i do look for though......is intelligence...people smarts......which included an open mind and a compassionate nature.....but maybe that is outside the realm of normal.......

 

i think your posts in this thread show an extreme lack of understanding and people smarts...........deb

 

 

.....

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

please classify what you consider normal...is this a normal point of view....

 

 

put it this way...as a mentally DISORDERED person i would not want to date soemone who did not want to date me normal or not.....

 

 

people in this thread me included.....are not trying to shame "normal" people like yourself...what i have tried to do by posting in this thread is show ...that sometimes "normal" ways fo thinking lack compassion understanding empathy and last of human kindness,.........

 

as a disorderly person who has been in and out of psyche wards i have seen a lot fo pain inflicted on mentally ill people by so called "normal " behavior exhibited by messed up normal people

 

one of these might be ....so called "normal men " who say they have mental conditions so they can have sex with vulnerable mentally ill women in psyche wards....or women and men who go in to get financial gain from disorderly mental people and rob them of money and possessions......

 

 

......a lot of what goes on that si cruel....calculated....unjust.....and against gods true intentions.....have been committed by people who are in no way disorderly...their brains clear on the fact on where to find vulnerable people and exploit them to all of their capacity they have as a human...but yet...you never hear about what happens to people like that who go into psyche wards to exploit the vulnerable...well you just did.....

 

 

as far as dating a "normal" person i have dated "so called " normal " guys......what i do look for though......is intelligence...people smarts......which included an open mind and a compassionate nature.....but maybe that is outside the realm of normal.......

 

i think your posts in this thread show an extreme lack of understanding and people smarts...........deb

 

 

.....

 

 

I do have compassion and understanding for mentally disordered people, Deb. But, does that mean that I have to DATE them? Get into a RELATIONSHIP with them? MARRY them? Have CHILDREN with them? And, if I DON'T do ANY of those things, then you don't see me as a person with "people smarts"? You see me as a person who has an "extreme lack of understanding"?

 

I have no control over how you "see" me as. That is your opinion and you're entitled to it. I don't think ANYONE should be exploited for ANY reason - but, it does happen to all kinds of people from all walks of life. That's the way this world is; there's NOTHING I can do to change that.

 

There are guys who don't want to date me because I'm a gamer (behavioral aspect). There are guys who don't want to (and won't) date me because I'm not a size 0 (physical aspect). There are guys who wouldn't date me because I have a piercing (physical aspect). There are guys who wouldn't want to enter into a relationship with me because I am against any form of pornography (behavioral aspect). There are guys who wouldn't want to enter into a relationship with me because I believe in fidelity and monogamy (behavioral aspect). I could go on and on with reasons why a guy wouldn't want to date me or enter into a relationship with me. But, I DON'T hold it AGAINST *any* guy who would NOT date me or be in a relationship with me. I don't JUDGE or make PERCEPTIONS about *any* guy who would NOT want to date me - whatever THEIR reasons are. Do you know why?

 

Because it is THEIR PREFERENCE. It is THEIR CHOICE *not* to want someone like me in THEIR LIFE. It doesn't mean that they're not compassionate or understanding about how and why I am the way that I am. It's just that I'm NOT what THEY'RE LOOKING FOR.

 

I can't explain it any plainer than I just have.

 

As another poster has stated, mentally disordered people are attracted to mentally stable people because it "evens them out". I UNDERSTAND that. I also UNDERSTAND that mentally disordered people can be the most loving, caring, sweet and fun people to be around. But, THEY also need to UNDERSTAND why a mentally stable person would NOT want to date them. They need to UNDERSTAND and be compassionate about mentally stable people who desire to have OTHER mentally stable people in their LIFE.

 

 

.

[Quiet Storm]

Deb, I get what you are saying. You are right, there are many people who are not clinically labeled as mentally ill that are clearly manipulative, predatory or lack compassion. And by excluding mentally ill people, so called "normal" people might exclude someone that could be their best match, someone who genuinely loves them and could be a great partner. And that would be a shame.

 

I definitely don't think mental illness is the only thing to consider when choosing someone. I think there are many character traits that should be considered- past lying or cheating, manipulation, a person's family of origin issues, alcoholic or addicted parents. I've experienced some of these myself and it's awful, I've seen traits and dysfunction passed down through generations. I have escaped it so far, but not without hard work and introspection.

 

It's just that for me, when I think about what I want for my kids- which is to live a well balanced life, content and happy, free to be themselves and make their dreams happen, with a supportive and equal partner, if they want to be in a couple... I think about what choices for relationships would be more likely to inspire an environment to make that vision happen. I feel like, while understanding that my experience doesn't reflect the experience of all others, if I were to exclude my own experiences I've had with mentally ill family members (treated and untreated, various diagnosis, over many years), I would be robbing them of valuable wisdom. I would never tell them who to be with, but as a parent, I will share my experiences and opinions.

 

I would not advise my kids to only avoid those with mental illness, but also other traits that could be a greater risk. It's not that I'm saying mentally ill people are unworthy, I just think there is an added risk that the person may not be able to have healthy relationships. I would say the same thing about a "normal" person that grew up in a dysfunctional family. Not all people who are mentally ill or raised in dysfunction will be incapable of having healthy relationships, but I think some qualities or traits do present a greater risk for problems. I just think that's reality, as a person from a dysfunctional family myself. I'm glad my husband didn't hold that against me, but I really feel like I couldn't have blamed him if he did. I know many mentally ill people are capable of having healthy relationships, but I don't see how it is not a greater risk of problems.

 

I would not advise my kids to leave a newly diagnosed mentally ill spouse in an established relationship, but I don't think it's wrong to have preferences or criteria when meeting people for dates or new relationships. Dating is essentially a screening process for the best mate for you, so I see nothing wrong with choosing or excluding people based on their pasts. Not just mental illness but all history, health or otherwise. I agree that doing so may cause someone to lose a chance with a great person who could have been in a healthy relationship, but if you are doing a cost/benefit analysis I think mental illness is a risk factor.

 

I think I can be compassionate and love my mentally ill family members, but still be realistic and admit I would not want my kids to be in a relationship affected by mental illness. I know it's not their fault and love those close to me with mental illness as people, but I've also seen how it has affected their loved ones. I can't deny that, even if it's biased because of my own experiences.

[Maleficent]

Actually, you do know about CPA.

 

CPA.

 

You could also be a member of l'ordre des Comptables Professionels Agréés du Québec.

Ordre des CPA du Québec | Comptables professionnels agréés

 

 

(S)he? could not believe that as a psych major that I could espouse such views.

 

Hence my question. The fact you're psychiatrist doesn't automatically make your opinion (or mine for that matter) better or worse. It's an opinion after all.

 

I just mentioned how lame it was that a psych major would mix up Bipolar Disorder with BPD. lol

[NJ123]

I do have compassion and understanding for mentally disordered people, Deb. But, does that mean that I have to DATE them? Get into a RELATIONSHIP with them? MARRY them? Have CHILDREN with them? And, if I DON'T do ANY of those things, then you don't see me as a person with "people smarts"? You see me as a person who has an "extreme lack of understanding"?

 

I have no control over how you "see" me as. That is your opinion and you're entitled to it. I don't think ANYONE should be exploited for ANY reason - but, it does happen to all kinds of people from all walks of life. That's the way this world is; there's NOTHING I can do to change that.

 

There are guys who don't want to date me because I'm a gamer (behavioral aspect). There are guys who don't want to (and won't) date me because I'm not a size 0 (physical aspect). There are guys who wouldn't date me because I have a piercing (physical aspect). There are guys who wouldn't want to enter into a relationship with me because I am against any form of pornography (behavioral aspect). There are guys who wouldn't want to enter into a relationship with me because I believe in fidelity and monogamy (behavioral aspect). I could go on and on with reasons why a guy wouldn't want to date me or enter into a relationship with me. But, I DON'T hold it AGAINST *any* guy who would NOT date me or be in a relationship with me. I don't JUDGE or make PERCEPTIONS about *any* guy who would NOT want to date me - whatever THEIR reasons are. Do you know why?

 

Because it is THEIR PREFERENCE. It is THEIR CHOICE *not* to want someone like me in THEIR LIFE. It doesn't mean that they're not compassionate or understanding about how and why I am the way that I am. It's just that I'm NOT what THEY'RE LOOKING FOR.

 

I can't explain it any plainer than I just have.

 

As another poster has stated, mentally disordered people are attracted to mentally stable people because it "evens them out". I UNDERSTAND that. I also UNDERSTAND that mentally disordered people can be the most loving, caring, sweet and fun people to be around. But, THEY also need to UNDERSTAND why a mentally stable person would NOT want to date them. They need to UNDERSTAND and be compassionate about mentally stable people who desire to have OTHER mentally stable people in their LIFE.

 

 

.

 

But you strictly said that people with a disorder should only date others with disorders. You see where people think you're a bit out of touch here. I posted this same topic on another forum & most of the guys who replied said most women wouldn't or didn't care what they had as long as they like you. So maybe it's just the people posting in this thread on here that are like this, I don't know.

[Maleficent]

I am not sure as to where all the confusion is coming from.

 

I said at the very begining, of course it is personal choice.

 

We all did.

But I think that didn't go through well. So many people here got their panties up in a bunch when we started talking about stigma around mental illnesses...

[chimpanA-2-chimpanZ]

I do have compassion and understanding for mentally disordered people, Deb. But, does that mean that I have to DATE them? Get into a RELATIONSHIP with them? MARRY them? Have CHILDREN with them? And, if I DON'T do ANY of those things, then you don't see me as a person with "people smarts"? You see me as a person who has an "extreme lack of understanding"?

 

I have no control over how you "see" me as. That is your opinion and you're entitled to it. I don't think ANYONE should be exploited for ANY reason - but, it does happen to all kinds of people from all walks of life. That's the way this world is; there's NOTHING I can do to change that.

 

There are guys who don't want to date me because I'm a gamer (behavioral aspect). There are guys who don't want to (and won't) date me because I'm not a size 0 (physical aspect). There are guys who wouldn't date me because I have a piercing (physical aspect). There are guys who wouldn't want to enter into a relationship with me because I am against any form of pornography (behavioral aspect). There are guys who wouldn't want to enter into a relationship with me because I believe in fidelity and monogamy (behavioral aspect). I could go on and on with reasons why a guy wouldn't want to date me or enter into a relationship with me. But, I DON'T hold it AGAINST *any* guy who would NOT date me or be in a relationship with me. I don't JUDGE or make PERCEPTIONS about *any* guy who would NOT want to date me - whatever THEIR reasons are. Do you know why?

 

Because it is THEIR PREFERENCE. It is THEIR CHOICE *not* to want someone like me in THEIR LIFE. It doesn't mean that they're not compassionate or understanding about how and why I am the way that I am. It's just that I'm NOT what THEY'RE LOOKING FOR.

 

I can't explain it any plainer than I just have.

 

As another poster has stated, mentally disordered people are attracted to mentally stable people because it "evens them out". I UNDERSTAND that. I also UNDERSTAND that mentally disordered people can be the most loving, caring, sweet and fun people to be around. But, THEY also need to UNDERSTAND why a mentally stable person would NOT want to date them. They need to UNDERSTAND and be compassionate about mentally stable people who desire to have OTHER mentally stable people in their LIFE.

 

 

.

 

When I read a post with this many words emphasized in all caps, I definitely don't assume the author is a sane, calm, mentally "ordered" individual. Just sayin'. Also, the phrase "mentally disordered"---I don't think anyone in this world outside an abbey or a monastery has a chance of being "mentally ordered".

Edited March 3, 2015 by chimpanA-2-chimpanZ

[Eternal Sunshine]

Now it's a different story. If I met the right person I'd be happy to get into a relationship, but there's a definite sense of "I steered clear of relationships for years for other people's sake. Because I felt I'd be taking too much baggage and problems to the table. I didn't work through all of that more or less on my own, just to take on somebody else's problems now that I'm in a better place." I know that sounds selfish or uncaring, but if I have another relationship I want it to be a relationship that's supportive, certainly, but not the kind of relationship where the partner role is tangled up with carer, support worker etc.

 

This is EXACTLY how I feel.

 

Most people on LS know that I have struggled with my own emotional problems (vague, nothing diagnosable). I spent last 3 years or so on my own, working through them. In the large part I didn't feel that it was fair to bring another person into the mix. Now I feel like I have worked through them and am able to be an emotionally healthy partner. What was the point of doing all that work if I am going to get dragged back to that place of instability and drama? I am drained of dealing with emotional problems, either my own or others. I only want to be in a healthy relationship, which means emotinally healthy partners on both sides.

 

I also don't beleive that "love conquers all" and that there is such a thing as a "soulmate connection". I can't get entangled into something that on a practical level is not going to work.

[todreaminblue]

I do have compassion and understanding for mentally disordered people, Deb. But, does that mean that I have to DATE them? Get into a RELATIONSHIP with them? MARRY them? Have CHILDREN with them? And, if I DON'T do ANY of those things, then you don't see me as a person with "people smarts"? You see me as a person who has an "extreme lack of understanding"?

 

I have no control over how you "see" me as. That is your opinion and you're entitled to it. I don't think ANYONE should be exploited for ANY reason - but, it does happen to all kinds of people from all walks of life. That's the way this world is; there's NOTHING I can do to change that.

 

There are guys who don't want to date me because I'm a gamer (behavioral aspect). There are guys who don't want to (and won't) date me because I'm not a size 0 (physical aspect). There are guys who wouldn't date me because I have a piercing (physical aspect). There are guys who wouldn't want to enter into a relationship with me because I am against any form of pornography (behavioral aspect). There are guys who wouldn't want to enter into a relationship with me because I believe in fidelity and monogamy (behavioral aspect). I could go on and on with reasons why a guy wouldn't want to date me or enter into a relationship with me. But, I DON'T hold it AGAINST *any* guy who would NOT date me or be in a relationship with me. I don't JUDGE or make PERCEPTIONS about *any* guy who would NOT want to date me - whatever THEIR reasons are. Do you know why?

 

Because it is THEIR PREFERENCE. It is THEIR CHOICE *not* to want someone like me in THEIR LIFE. It doesn't mean that they're not compassionate or understanding about how and why I am the way that I am. It's just that I'm NOT what THEY'RE LOOKING FOR.

 

I can't explain it any plainer than I just have.

 

As another poster has stated, mentally disordered people are attracted to mentally stable people because it "evens them out". I UNDERSTAND that. I also UNDERSTAND that mentally disordered people can be the most loving, caring, sweet and fun people to be around. But, THEY also need to UNDERSTAND why a mentally stable person would NOT want to date them. They need to UNDERSTAND and be compassionate about mentally stable people who desire to have OTHER mentally stable people in their LIFE.

 

 

.

 

As another poster has stated, mentally disordered people are attracted to mentally stable people because it "evens them out".

 

who can really state that as being truth, maybe some people are attracted to mentally stable people when they are considered mentally unstable...maybe the attraction comes from knowing the guy has a 14 inch penis or maybe the girl has big breasts and that is what attracted a mentally disordered person to that normal person.

 

What do you classify as orderly thoughts.....

 

what you have specifically said is that mentally disorderly people shouldn't expect normal people to date them and that we should date our own kind....is that correct or do you take it back.....do you also feel like hitler felt that we should be branded with an emblem like the star of david as to make no mistake or hide the fact we are mentally ill...at times mentally ill...i stress at times...or maybe we should just find an island somewhere as not to pollute the gene pool any further........

 

sure you have personal choice sure its good for you to choose who you wish to date...for instance i wouldnt want to date a racist...

 

btu you are lumping a specific group of people into one box and deeming them unfit to date and not only that...but we shouldnt consider dating a "normal" or we shouldnt even hold a view or express our opinion in this thread.....if you feel shame...i think you should check your heart about that feeling...it was not my intention int he slightest to shame you or any other...defend people with mental illness .....yes that was my intention

 

so if with my words of defense i have offended your normal sensibilities i apologise.....i do not blame my mental illness fro my words...i stand behind them but to offend you was not what i set out to do.....

 

 

as part of that box you have lumped mentally ill peopel in ....i take offense....ill date who i want to date....and who wants to date me....wouldnt do it any differently....and i make any future partner aware of my disorderly mind early in the dating game......i also take offense that you emphasise your point of view with caps lock a fair bit...its like a pointing finger......i also dont really like the idea of disorderly.....i put my dvds in alphabetical order and my cds and my books have an order only known to me.....the rest of my house ...well.....i do eventually do dishes...and i make stacks..deb

[todreaminblue]

Deb, I get what you are saying. You are right, there are many people who are not clinically labeled as mentally ill that are clearly manipulative, predatory or lack compassion. And by excluding mentally ill people, so called "normal" people might exclude someone that could be their best match, someone who genuinely loves them and could be a great partner. And that would be a shame.

 

I definitely don't think mental illness is the only thing to consider when choosing someone. I think there are many character traits that should be considered- past lying or cheating, manipulation, a person's family of origin issues, alcoholic or addicted parents. I've experienced some of these myself and it's awful, I've seen traits and dysfunction passed down through generations. I have escaped it so far, but not without hard work and introspection.

 

It's just that for me, when I think about what I want for my kids- which is to live a well balanced life, content and happy, free to be themselves and make their dreams happen, with a supportive and equal partner, if they want to be in a couple... I think about what choices for relationships would be more likely to inspire an environment to make that vision happen. I feel like, while understanding that my experience doesn't reflect the experience of all others, if I were to exclude my own experiences I've had with mentally ill family members (treated and untreated, various diagnosis, over many years), I would be robbing them of valuable wisdom. I would never tell them who to be with, but as a parent, I will share my experiences and opinions.

 

I would not advise my kids to only avoid those with mental illness, but also other traits that could be a greater risk. It's not that I'm saying mentally ill people are unworthy, I just think there is an added risk that the person may not be able to have healthy relationships. I would say the same thing about a "normal" person that grew up in a dysfunctional family. Not all people who are mentally ill or raised in dysfunction will be incapable of having healthy relationships, but I think some qualities or traits do present a greater risk for problems. I just think that's reality, as a person from a dysfunctional family myself. I'm glad my husband didn't hold that against me, but I really feel like I couldn't have blamed him if he did. I know many mentally ill people are capable of having healthy relationships, but I don't see how it is not a greater risk of problems.

 

I would not advise my kids to leave a newly diagnosed mentally ill spouse in an established relationship, but I don't think it's wrong to have preferences or criteria when meeting people for dates or new relationships. Dating is essentially a screening process for the best mate for you, so I see nothing wrong with choosing or excluding people based on their pasts. Not just mental illness but all history, health or otherwise. I agree that doing so may cause someone to lose a chance with a great person who could have been in a healthy relationship, but if you are doing a cost/benefit analysis I think mental illness is a risk factor.

 

I think I can be compassionate and love my mentally ill family members, but still be realistic and admit I would not want my kids to be in a relationship affected by mental illness. I know it's not their fault and love those close to me with mental illness as people, but I've also seen how it has affected their loved ones. I can't deny that, even if it's biased because of my own experiences.

 

 

we all have bias in some aspects of our lives quiet storm i understand your thoughtful words in retrospect you spun.....

 

i dont want to date someone who drinks or take drugs...i would date a mentally ill person before i dated a person who had the choice to drink and got drunk every night.....or the choice that he smoked bongs at home after work......

 

that is bias.....on my behalf......

 

physical impairments i would date them too over a person who drunk or took drugs.....i feel though using the term mentally disordered......and then crying you are shaming us when they are saying wouldnt touch a mentally ill person with a ten foot pole .....is rather hurtful......then twisting it back onto the posters who defend mental illness is typical......

 

i understand the message loud and clear...i also know i have a right to express my opinion as loudly as everyone else is even if it stands at polar or bi polar opposite to the majority of this thread......

 

 

i am schizo affective having signs of schizophrenia bi polar and clinical depression...not all at once....that was my diagnosis...i actually dont think my diagnosis was correct......its beside the point ......it was a court ordered diagnosis....i was in a relationship for fifteen years..of which i was faithful loyal and supportive of my partner......he was the normal one and he drank and he did drugs and he cheated....fifteen years i stood by his side...i am not extraordinary....i am an ordinary person with an ordinary disability....and i can love as hard as the next normal person or the next mentally ill person....we are all after one race .....not separate...into normal and mentally ill boxes.......they used to simply lobotomise people with severe mental illness....so i guess stigma is a"normal "thing....as it wasnt to long ago they did do that.....i think broad misperceptions are actually damaging to mental illness being bought into the light and accepted .....

 

there si a reason why people hang back when informing someone of a mental illness..this thread is proof of why......i dont however.....hang back.....i have my god given right to stand up...so i do.....deb.

[Maleficent]

Blackopszombie girl, the biggest issue I have with your posts are your choice of words.

 

Mentally disordered, mentally stable, normal when referring to people who doesn't have a mental illnesses.

And I'm not one to usually get stuck on the words people use but this...

 

[joyfulgirl79]

and again, for the last time.

 

a person who has mental illness can be mentally stable.

 

Just as someone who had cancer can go into remission and have no further symptoms ( but may need medications daily for the rest of their lives), so can someone with mental health issues.

[Taramere]

This is EXACTLY how I feel.

 

Most people on LS know that I have struggled with my own emotional problems (vague, nothing diagnosable). I spent last 3 years or so on my own, working through them. In the large part I didn't feel that it was fair to bring another person into the mix. Now I feel like I have worked through them and am able to be an emotionally healthy partner. What was the point of doing all that work if I am going to get dragged back to that place of instability and drama? I am drained of dealing with emotional problems, either my own or others. I only want to be in a healthy relationship, which means emotinally healthy partners on both sides.

 

I know. I mean I think it's fair to say that emotional health is something that can come and go...but for most of us there isn't really going to be much in the way of support out there for the more difficult times. Beyond maybe "pop a pill if it's really getting to you, and keep plugging on."

 

If you're in a relationship with somebody who has bi-polar disorder and things get really bad for them, a support system is going to kick in for that person. Where I live, anyway. There's a very clear mechanism for dealing with sufferers...and contrary to what another person is saying, that system does involve a care plan and a multi-disciplinary team who will get closely involved with anybody who is deemed to be a carer.

 

There's a lot of advocacy out there for people with diagnosed mental health disorders. Perhaps some of them don't believe there's enough...but there's certainly more support for them than there is for the average person who doesn't have a diagnosed mental health problem, but is struggling with some pretty adverse life circumstances that have left them in a bad place.

 

So to me, if I were to get involved with somebody who has these problems and things get bad...they're going to get a sh*tload of professional support to help them through it. I'm going to be left struggling as best as I can because I'm not deemed to be "vulnerable". It's a world where people are divided into those who require help and understanding on account of a diagnosis, and those who have to just get on with it.

 

And since I fall into the latter category, and have to be mentally and emotionally healthy enough to work on a self employed basis which doesn't allow for me to go off sick, I just couldn't afford either financially or emotionally to get involved with somebody who's used to having all sorts of supports in place for them if things take a turn for the worse - and who will expect me, on account of being "healthy" to help provide those supports regardless of what other demands are imposed on me.

[xxoo]

Most people on LS know that I have struggled with my own emotional problems (vague, nothing diagnosable). I spent last 3 years or so on my own, working through them. In the large part I didn't feel that it was fair to bring another person into the mix. Now I feel like I have worked through them and am able to be an emotionally healthy partner. What was the point of doing all that work if I am going to get dragged back to that place of instability and drama? I am drained of dealing with emotional problems, either my own or others. I only want to be in a healthy relationship, which means emotinally healthy partners on both sides.

 

When you've worked hard to cultivate peace in your life and in your soul, it is understandable to feel protective of that and avoid relationships which you perceive to be risky. I've seen many people come through hard times and feel the same way, and I see nothing wrong with it as long as you are peacefully single.

[Emilia]

I was going to say no to the original question but honestly I think it depends on whether his illness bothered me or not and whether it would completely consume the relationship. I would probably struggle with his depression, something else might be ok.

[Carenth]

I feel like a giant hypocrite saying this but no I wouldn't date someone with mental illness again.

 

I've had my own battles with serious depression when I was younger and went through a really bad time for about 2 and a half years. I've spent the last 7 years rebuilding myself mentally and physically. I'm finally at a place in my life where I'm happy which is something I never thought I would be able to say and I won't risk that for the sake of a relationship.

 

I put on a ton of weight when I was depressed and lost all that weight and kept it off. I went back and got a education after dropping out of school, I've built a career and new friends.

 

I've worked so hard to claw my way out of that hole and I've found if I'm dating someone (like my ex) who had serious depression it would pull me down as well. So I just can't for my own sanity I'm happy to raise awareness about mental illness and the stigma around it but I just can't date someone who is in the pits and I've become quite firm about this.

 

Hence why I feel like a hypocrite. Doubly so because I'm considering doing a fun run soon for a charity that raises awareness for mental illness.

Edited March 3, 2015 by Carenth

[Timshel]

I feel like a giant hypocrite saying this but no I wouldn't date someone with mental illness again.

 

I've had my own battles with serious depression when I was younger and went through a really bad time for about 2 and a half years. I've spent the last 7 years rebuilding myself mentally and physically. I'm finally at a place in my life where I'm happy which is something I never thought I would be able to say and I won't risk that for the sake of a relationship.

 

I put on a ton of weight when I was depressed and lost all that weight and kept it off. I went back and got a education after dropping out of school, I've built a career and new friends.

 

I've worked so hard to claw my way out of that hole and I've found if I'm dating someone (like my ex) who had serious depression it would pull me down as well. So I just can't for my own sanity I'm happy to raise awareness about mental illness and the stigma around it but I just can't date someone who is in the pits and I've become quite firm about this.

 

Hence why I feel like a hypocrite. Doubly so because I'm considering doing a fun run soon for a charity that raises awareness for mental illness.

 

That's not hypocrisy Carenth, that is being realistic. Being realistic about what you can and cannot tolerate and to which degree is healthy and positive. In our society these days I think people are at times overly concerned with not saying no and not having appropriate boundaries so that they are perceived positively by others. Boundaries are an indication of well-adjustment and are positive and productive tools in relationships.

Kudos for participating in mental health awareness. You are giving support in a way that is beneficial to both yourself and others, that's awesome.

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

Blackopszombie girl, the biggest issue I have with your posts are your choice of words.

 

Mentally disordered, mentally stable, normal when referring to people who doesn't have a mental illnesses.

And I'm not one to usually get stuck on the words people use but this...

 

 

Sorry if my choice of words offends you. Mentally disordered = people with mental disorders, mentally stable = normal people....you picking my words apart because I may not have written them in the correct context is just semantics.

 

There are posters on here who can't even compose a grammatically correct sentence and I don't see you picking their words apart. It's just that you don't agree with what I'm saying, so you're going to find fault with every little way that I write. Heck, there's someone on here that doesn't like that I use ALL CAPS when I want to convey emphasis on a certain word or on a thought that I'm writing! Some people use italics to convey a certain thought, emotion or emphasis on a word (or words) that they're writing; I'm the kind of person that uses ALL CAPS on words I choose to emphasize.

 

I have never disrespected anyone on here nor have I ever resorted to name-calling, as many posters do on this site. I just write my opinions and my writing style is unique because it's how *I* choose to type it out. As I've stated, there are people on here who do not type grammatically correct sentences and they misspell words in almost all of their posts, but I do NOT mention it because, it is the way that THEY write and for me, it's more about the CONTENT of what they're writing and the meaning they're trying to convey - I could really care less if they can't spell or if they can't compose sentences correctly as long as I can understand what it is they're trying to say.

 

There are many other posters on this thread who agree with me in saying that they choose NOT to EVER get involved with a person who has a mental disorder who has to ingest medication for the rest of their lives to keep themselves mentally stable. And yet, when I convey this same sentiment, certain posters are jumping all over me...calling me names, insulting the way I live my life and criticizing the way that I type and express myself. Not ONCE have I EVER criticized ANYONE on here about the way that they write their posts, the way they express themselves or the opinions that they have!

 

So, to those of you who have a bone to pick with me because you don't like the way that I express myself, the way that I write or what my viewpoints are, you can feel free to NOT read any of my posts and you have the option of ignoring me as though I don't exist. Because from now on, anyone that feels the need to attack me through their posts instead of being respectful towards me - the way that I am towards others - I will no longer respond to them. I will only refer to and reply directly to those individuals who respond to me in a respectful and polite manner, even if they disagree with me.