Would you date someone with mental illness?

[acrosstheuniverse]

I would take it on each individual basis. If someone had been managing their mental health well for many years, complied with their treatment regime and it didn't really affect their life, I'd be willing to give it a shot I think. There's no guarantee of a relapse. There's no guarantee the wonderful non-mentally ill person you meet in a bar and start dating DOESN'T have undiagnosed mental health issues, aggression, violence, bad coping mechanisms etc.

 

But I would be wary, and willing to bolt at the first sign of problems. I don't judge anyone for their mental health status, I actually work in the field. But I've been through a lot already losing family to substance abuse problems and I'm not in the market for a difficult relationship where I could get hurt anymore. I won't date anyone who uses substances or drinks to excess because I'm not going to risk being exposed on a personal level to anything else that affects my life so negatively.

[Eternal Sunshine]

no one said you have to.

 

But frankly, if I may be blunt, I told myself I would never date a woman of a certain socioeconomic status for a reason, even if I was well off.

 

you and I could not be friends simply because I get the strong vibe that youre trying to hide your disgust for bipolar.

 

Im bipolar, have been for years. try being a bipolar without a home....or money, living on the streets begging for a place to sleep or food to eat...killing your pride...taking whatever jobs come your way.

 

then have that same person come on forums like these and feel more alienated.

 

Im at my moms right now, trying not to explode.

 

I need to be with someone who shares in my struggle, and eternal sunshine, you just dont know what its like.

 

Please dont try to justify yourself, just accept that its not in your ballpark. Only people who experience what we experience could truly understand us.

 

I appreciate your justification, but really, its not needed.

 

Just accept that its not your area.

 

Look, I am sorry if I made you feel bad. It wasn't my intention and when I posted I was too focused on my own problem to think how it would affect anyone else. It makes me sad to think that my posts caused you turmoil.

 

The way I see it, dating with any physical or mental illness is more difficult than without. The more severe the illness, the more people it will exclude. It's not fair but that's life. It's not fair that people are discriminated against by race or height either yet it happens. There are many men that wouldn't date me because I am now too old by their standards (even if they are older than me). It sucks but not much can be done so you can't dwell on it.

 

As others have said it's all on case by case basis. It's weighing the connection you have with someone against the risks that mental illness carries. In my case the risks won. It's not to say that in the future if I felt a connection that blew me away I wouldn't give someone a chance. This time it just wasn't enough.

[SearchingForMyself]

Look, I am sorry if I made you feel bad. It wasn't my intention and when I posted I was too focused on my own problem to think how it would affect anyone else. It makes me sad to think that my posts caused you turmoil.

 

The way I see it, dating with any physical or mental illness is more difficult than without. The more severe the illness, the more people it will exclude. It's not fair but that's life. It's not fair that people are discriminated against by race or height either yet it happens. There are many men that wouldn't date me because I am now too old by their standards (even if they are older than me). It sucks but not much can be done so you can't dwell on it.

 

As others have said it's all on case by case basis. It's weighing the connection you have with someone against the risks that mental illness carries. In my case the risks won. It's not to say that in the future if I felt a connection that blew me away I wouldn't give someone a chance. This time it just wasn't enough.

 

For the most part dating sucks period

[kendahke]

Honestly, this is why people sometimes don't even mention about their condition. It's really not fair at all to be dumped for something they have no control over. I know Bipolar is severe, but I'm sure being dumped over it isn't the greatest feeling & he's possibly down about it even if he doesn't show it.

 

It honestly makes me wonder if I should ever mention about what I go through without scaring them off. I have something less severe than bipolar, but still I know I'd be stigmatized by people automatically.

 

But no one is owed a relationship.

 

No one is obligated to take on the responsibility of dealing with something they may not be equipped or ready to take on, especially with someone they just met.

 

Hiding your condition from someone is also called lying by omission and eventually, it's going to come out in the open and they will more than likely dump you because you lied, so no, keeping that to yourself is not the integral thing to do. Integrity says that you are up front so that they can make an informed choice whether or not they want to support you in your journey.

 

At the end of the day, life isn't fair. It isn't fair that anyone has to suffer or struggle with any disorder or illness.

[Taramere]

I also feel bad for people who are finding this thread hurtful. I've been treated for depression in the past, and although I don't have a condition like bi-polar disorder or any of the other conditions that psychiatrists treat, I certainly understand that feeling of "I wouldn't be a good relationship bet in the state I'm in right now." I had years of feeling that way, following a horrible relationship break up and various other things that resulted in my usual coping mechanisms breaking down. It wasn't that guys weren't interested, but I just felt "no, I'm not in a good place. I wouldn't make a good partner."

 

Now it's a different story. If I met the right person I'd be happy to get into a relationship, but there's a definite sense of "I steered clear of relationships for years for other people's sake. Because I felt I'd be taking too much baggage and problems to the table. I didn't work through all of that more or less on my own, just to take on somebody else's problems now that I'm in a better place." I know that sounds selfish or uncaring, but if I have another relationship I want it to be a relationship that's supportive, certainly, but not the kind of relationship where the partner role is tangled up with carer, support worker etc. And much as people with serious mental health problems might want to deny that a serious partner would be expected to take up that role...I think the reality is that they are. Even just as a friend to somebody with a serious mental health problem, you can find yourself tangled up with psychiatric services. Somebody mentioned eating disorders and said they're not classed as mental illnesses of themselves.

 

Well, I'd beg to differ on that one. I've a friend who suffers from anorexia and bulimia. She's in hospital a lot, and when she's in hospital she only gets out on passes with approved people. So I had to go through vetting by the medical staff just so my friend can go out for a coffee with me. And the medical staff then were sort of trying to embroil me into my friend's treatment plan to an extent that made it seem as though I were another professional rather than just a friend. They were fine when I explained that I didn't want to start feeling like another professional involved in the case...but I think if I hadn't said that, they'd have happily started to involve me in all sorts of meetings and care plans. And that's just a friend. I should think that the partner of somebody with a mental health problem that requires close monitoring would be expected to meet professionals involved in the treatment plan, attend meetings etc...or be viewed as an inappropriate and unsupportive partner.

 

Somebody else mentioned having been in a relationship with somebody who had a mental health problem, and being cheated on by that person. Well, years back I was in a relationship with a guy who had certainly had a fairly serious history. Self harm, suicide attempts and switching between manic phases and depression. I don't know if he had ever been diagnosed as bi-polar, but certainly he'd had a fair bit of treatment - and he also had a fairly childish attitude towards mental health problems (ie that they make people more interesting). He cheated on me....and, honestly, when you have tolerated a lot of crap on account of somebody's issues, when they do something like that you really experience the resentment tumbling out. It's like "f*cking hell...I've really tried to be tolerant and supportive of all sorts of things, I've knocked back some pretty good guys in order to be with you, but the moment you get the opportunity to screw somebody else you grab it with both hands. You can't even bring fidelity to the table."

 

You can end up feeling like you've been this sort of parent figure patiently putting down boundaries, providing stability and unconditional love...because you've got to make allowances for these hard-to-grasp issues that the other person has, that apparently can't be cured or resolved. When people say "I have a mental health issue, and threads like this are really hurtful to me"...well I'm sure they are. However, people don't tend to get into relationships just to salve the other person's wounds. Not unless they have a very strong streak of co-dependence to them.

 

So to me, if somebody has a mental heath problem they need to be very clear that they bring something to the table that is a bit more than interesting traits that may be connected to their condition/are stereotypically viewed as "the artistic temperament" (and most people I've encountered with a mental health problem do seem to view themselves as being very artistic). Because in the end, those traits might make a person interesting and lovable, but they don't necessarily make them a good partner. If the person with the mental health condition wants a relationship I think they need to be clear about what will make them a good partner. So that hard as the relationship with them might be for the other person, it also brings the kind of rewards that would appeal to the average person and not just to those of a co-dependent leaning.

[Maleficent]

This thread is not about a single depressive episode or an anxiety attack. It is about a mental illness that is incurable and significantly affects the quality of all aspects of life. I am talking about someone that needs to take a mood stabilizer, an anti-psychotic and an anti-convulsant every single day.

 

I am sick of this thread turning into a "stigma" of mental illness and "everyone has a mental illness" BS. That is so not the topic.

 

About 25% of people with bipolar 1 have been agressive towards their partner (meaning caused physical harm). Around 80% decide to stop medication at some point and that's when the s.. really hits the fan. Almost none are able to hold a full time job.

 

Screw "connection". I am not taking that on for anything.

 

No one is forcing you to date someone with BPD. If you feel you cannot take that on, you know better than us and that is your choice and I will stand by that 100%

 

But this particular person is doing everything he can not to fall in the statistics you mentioned (from my perspective anyways).

 

Whether you like it or not, it is a mental illness stigma issue. You certainly don't have to take that on and no one can force you to, but put your big girl pants on and admit it for what it is - fear and stigma.

.

[NJ123]

No one is forcing you to date someone with BPD. If you feel you cannot take that on, you know better than us and that is your choice and I will stand by that 100%

 

But this particular person is doing everything he can not to fall in the statistics you mentioned (from my perspective anyways).

 

Whether you like it or not, it is a mental illness stigma issue. You certainly don't have to take that on and no one can force you to, but put your big girl pants on and admit it for what it is - fear and stigma.

.

 

Exactly. And stuff like this is why people go undiagnosed for life or for a very long time. It's pretty sad. OP has the right to date who she wants, but she won't admit like you said that it's the fear & stigma behind it that makes her not want to. This is why I'd be afraid to even say anything to someone. I'd always be afraid that they would just want to walk away & I'd have to pretend it wouldn't bother me. At this point honestly I'm expecting to stay alone for life though. Almost feels like a hassle to find someone.

[mightycpa]

Whether you like it or not, it is a mental illness stigma issue. You certainly don't have to take that on and no one can force you to, but put your big girl pants on and admit it for what it is - fear and stigma.

 

I disagree.

 

Stigma means you're afraid what people will think. That's not at all what she said. She said that she was concerned about future behavior.

 

It's the same way that you think about a car that leaks and burns oil as being a car you don't want to own. Sure, it might last forever without any problems, but more than likely you're going to have trouble with the car, and you're going to have to put in a lot more maintenance than with other cars you might choose. The fact that other people will think that even though it looks good, it is still a piece of crap car is the least of your concerns.

 

That's not a matter of stigma. That's a matter of increased risk and one's willingness to take that risk.

 

There's also no stigma in deciding NO.

[carhill]

In fairness, lest any opinions from myself be interpreted as blanket statements, I found a statement from a member of our psychometric team to be really insightful:

"When you've met one mentally ill person, you've met one mentally ill person"

 

This underscores the reality that each person is a unique individual and case, hence their (the team's) comprehensive efforts to determine the case parameters for *that* patient to effect a healthy plan of care for that patient. What applies to and works for one patient can be completely different than for that of another patient.

 

However, all this applies in a clinical setting and this discussion is about dating. It occurred to me while reading that the OP would similarly choose to not date me simply because I'm old and bald, the latter being a common reason women used for not dating me as a younger man. There was a relatively superficial characteristic that certain women found unattractive and that was that. No dates. The takeaway from that is that, in the realm of dating, whether one has BP1 or is bald, life isn't fair and no one owes us a date or a relationship. Harsh? Maybe, but that's life.

[Acacia98]

I also feel bad for people who are finding this thread hurtful.

 

Yeah... me too. It sucks to read people say that they would never date somebody like you. There are definitely posts on this thread that would add to the stigma and sense of isolation experienced by people with mental illness.

 

At the same time, though, I have to say I think it's better for somebody who knows they can't cope with mental illness to rule you out than it is for the person to date you and act disgusted with you and make you feel like you're totally flawed and have no redeeming qualities day-in, day-out.

Edited March 2, 2015 by Acacia98

[writergal]

I disagree.

 

Stigma means you're afraid what people will think. That's not at all what she said. She said that she was concerned about future behavior.

 

It's the same way that you think about a car that leaks and burns oil as being a car you don't want to own. Sure, it might last forever without any problems, but more than likely you're going to have trouble with the car, and you're going to have to put in a lot more maintenance than with other cars you might choose. The fact that other people will think that even though it looks good, it is still a piece of crap car is the least of your concerns.

 

That's not a matter of stigma. That's a matter of increased risk and one's willingness to take that risk.

 

There's also no stigma in deciding NO.

Agree with this statement 100%. ES isn't against people with mental illness, just because she decided to stop dating this guy who has bipolar depression. Edited March 2, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Fix quote

[joyfulgirl79]

It is true that no one has to date anyone, and that everyone has their deal breakers and what they will accept.

 

And to most people, a mental illness is a deal breaker. That is more than understandable.

 

However.....what is stigmatising about these threads is not people being honest that they would choose not to, it's the comments such as " unless you're prepared for financial hardships...." and so on. It is difficult to hear no matter what the context, be it a dating forum, an employer, out on the street that people truly believe that mental illness is a prescribed set of unmanageable behaviours, and that people do not get well.

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

no one said you have to.

 

But frankly, if I may be blunt, I told myself I would never date a woman of a certain socioeconomic status for a reason, even if I was well off.

 

you and I could not be friends simply because I get the strong vibe that youre trying to hide your disgust for bipolar.

 

So, it's okay for you to not want to date a woman of a "certain socioeconomic status", but it's not okay for Eternal Sunshine, myself or anyone else to not want to date someone because they have a mental illness?!

 

Im bipolar, have been for years. try being a bipolar without a home....or money, living on the streets begging for a place to sleep or food to eat...killing your pride...taking whatever jobs come your way.

 

Does your BPD have anything to do with the fact that you're currently (and have been) living this way? Not saying that some people without a mental disorder do not experience homelessness, begging for money/food or a place to sleep because some of them certainly do. But, look at YOUR situation, as of this very moment. Why would ANY woman want to sign up for this way of living?!

 

Why would ANY person want to have to deal with the ongoing and LIFELONG symptoms of someone's mental disorder regardless of whether they take their meds as prescribed? How many times have you heard of a person with a mental disorder SKIP their dose(s) or just flat out REFUSES to take their meds - and then whatever poor soul is within an arm's reach of them has to experience and tolerate this person's "symptoms" and negative behavior? Haven't you read any of the posts on here from people who have had to deal with this? Why should ANYONE have to deal with and tolerate someone's MENTAL DISORDER?? If it's family, that's one thing - but even then...

 

It's like, you write your posts to shame others and try to make them feel guilty for not taking on (or wanting to take on) a mentally disordered person and putting up with them just because they're "human beings" and they "deserve a chance". Hopefully, a person reading any of your posts do NOT end up feeling guilty just because they prefer to date a mentally healthy human being.

 

Sorry if you feel "alienated" and "sad" because most normal people do NOT want to put up with a mentally disordered person who must take meds EVERY DAY for the REST OF THEIR LIVES in the hopes that they do not experience an outburst or a "flare up" - which we ALL know WILL happen at some point or other.

 

Im at my moms right now, trying not to explode.

 

I need to be with someone who shares in my struggle, and eternal sunshine, you just dont know what its like.

 

Please dont try to justify yourself, just accept that its not in your ballpark. Only people who experience what we experience could truly understand us.

 

I appreciate your justification, but really, its not needed.

 

Just accept that its not your area.

 

You're trying "not to explode" because of how normal people are reacting to the topic of this thread?? That, right there, proves my point.

 

Yes, you need to be with someone who "shares in your struggles" and "knows what it's like" to have a mental disorder. Then, my suggestion to you is for you to date OTHER MENTALLY DISORDERED people. Trying to date normal people who do NOT have to ingest powerful medication every day of their lives so that they do not experience a psychotic episode is NOT something you should be even thinking about, let alone attempting to do.

 

Eternal wasn't "justifying" anything. She was simply stating WHY she would never want to date someone who has a mental disorder; and I share her viewpoint as well. Life is tough enough and difficult enough when dating and being in relationships with NORMAL people!

 

You and other members on this thread trying to shame normal people who do NOT have a mental disorder because they would instantly turn away someone who DOES have a mental illness and trying to make them feel guilty for not giving a mentally ill person " a chance" is futile.

 

People want to date who they want to date - PERIOD. It's EACH person's CHOICE as to what kind of person THEY want to date! It's most peoples' preferences to NOT want to date a mentally ill or mentally disordered person - there's NOTHING wrong with that; just like there's nothing wrong with a guy NOT wanting to date a woman because she's of a "certain socioeconomic status" - it's HIS preference.

 

Making someone feel guilty and trying to shame them because of THEIR dating preferences won't change anything - it just shows that the person who is doing this is someone who isn't secure within themselves enough to RESPECT other peoples' choices WITHOUT shaming them about it.

 

.

[NJ123]

So, it's okay for you to not want to date a woman of a "certain socioeconomic status", but it's not okay for Eternal Sunshine, myself or anyone else to not want to date someone because they have a mental illness?!

 

 

 

Does your BPD have anything to do with the fact that you're currently (and have been) living this way? Not saying that some people without a mental disorder do not experience homelessness, begging for money/food or a place to sleep because some of them certainly do. But, look at YOUR situation, as of this very moment. Why would ANY woman want to sign up for this way of living?!

 

Why would ANY person want to have to deal with the ongoing and LIFELONG symptoms of someone's mental disorder regardless of whether they take their meds as prescribed? How many times have you heard of a person with a mental disorder SKIP their dose(s) or just flat out REFUSES to take their meds - and then whatever poor soul is within an arm's reach of them has to experience and tolerate this person's "symptoms" and negative behavior? Haven't you read any of the posts on here from people who have had to deal with this? Why should ANYONE have to deal with and tolerate someone's MENTAL DISORDER?? If it's family, that's one thing - but even then...

 

It's like, you write your posts to shame others and try to make them feel guilty for not taking on (or wanting to take on) a mentally disordered person and putting up with them just because they're "human beings" and they "deserve a chance". Hopefully, a person reading any of your posts do NOT end up feeling guilty just because they prefer to date a mentally healthy human being.

 

Sorry if you feel "alienated" and "sad" because most normal people do NOT want to put up with a mentally disordered person who must take meds EVERY DAY for the REST OF THEIR LIVES in the hopes that they do not experience an outburst or a "flare up" - which we ALL know WILL happen at some point or other.

 

 

 

You're trying "not to explode" because of how normal people are reacting to the topic of this thread?? That, right there, proves my point.

 

Yes, you need to be with someone who "shares in your struggles" and "knows what it's like" to have a mental disorder. Then, my suggestion to you is for you to date OTHER MENTALLY DISORDERED people. Trying to date normal people who do NOT have to ingest powerful medication every day of their lives so that they do not experience a psychotic episode is NOT something you should be even thinking about, let alone attempting to do.

 

Eternal wasn't "justifying" anything. She was simply stating WHY she would never want to date someone who has a mental disorder; and I share her viewpoint as well. Life is tough enough and difficult enough when dating and being in relationships with NORMAL people!

 

You and other members on this thread trying to shame normal people who do NOT have a mental disorder because they would instantly turn away someone who DOES have a mental illness and trying to make them feel guilty for not giving a mentally ill person " a chance" is futile.

 

People want to date who they want to date - PERIOD. It's EACH person's CHOICE as to what kind of person THEY want to date! It's most peoples' preferences to NOT want to date a mentally ill or mentally disordered person - there's NOTHING wrong with that; just like there's nothing wrong with a guy NOT wanting to date a woman because she's of a "certain socioeconomic status" - it's HIS preference.

 

Making someone feel guilty and trying to shame them because of THEIR dating preferences won't change anything - it just shows that the person who is doing this is someone who isn't secure within themselves enough to RESPECT other peoples' choices WITHOUT shaming them about it.

 

.

 

This post is so ignorant. People like you are why people go undiagnosed & don't want others to know about their condition. What if you developed some sort of illness later in life, & someone left you. Would you still have the same tune?

[mightycpa]

This post is so ignorant. People like you are why people go undiagnosed & don't want others to know about their condition. What if you developed some sort of illness later in life, & someone left you. Would you still have the same tune?

Why/how would that cause someone to go undiagnosed? I think I understand the use of the word "stigma" now.

 

What you're saying is that the thought process is something like this:

 

1. Bipolar sounds a lot like me.
   
2. But a lot of people won't date/like me if I get diagnosed.
   
3. I'll ignore the fact that they'll look at my behavior too.
   
4. So it is better to remain undiagnosed and avoid treatment.

This is stigma. This is being embarrassed about the condition, and worrying more about what other people think than about the condition itself.

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

This post is so ignorant. People like you are why people go undiagnosed & don't want others to know about their condition. What if you developed some sort of illness later in life, & someone left you. Would you still have the same tune?

 

My post wasn't ignorant; it is how *I* (and how many other people) feel about NOT wanting to date a mentally disordered person.

 

If I developed a mental illness later in life and someone left me, I would completely understand. I would also understand that - from that point on - it will be difficult for me to find a NORMAL person who would want to deal with my mental disorder and who would RISK having to experience and tolerate any symptoms, mental flare ups or psychotic episodes I will most likely end up exhibiting at some point in my life. If I wound up with a mental disorder, I would date OTHER MENTALLY DISORDERED PEOPLE.

 

It's interesting how your post insinuates how mentally disordered people want to date mentally NORMAL people and then feel resentful when normal people do NOT want to date THEM. Life isn't fair for EVERY ONE. Deal with it.

 

.

[NJ123]

Why/how would that cause someone to go undiagnosed? I think I understand the use of the word "stigma" now.

 

What you're saying is that the thought process is something like this:

 

This is stigma. This is being embarrassed about the condition, and worrying more about what other people think than about the condition itself.

 

It's about others not being able to accept you due to it. And the fact that when people hear of mental illness they automatically think you're crazy as seen by some of the posts in this thread. No one wants to admit out in public they have a mental illness. I don't have bipolar, but something less severe but some of the replies in here are just ridiculous.

[NJ123]

My post wasn't ignorant; it is how *I* (and how many other people) feel about NOT wanting to date a mentally disordered person.

 

If I developed a mental illness later in life and someone left me, I would completely understand. I would also understand that - from that point on - it will be difficult for me to find a NORMAL person who would want to deal with my mental disorder and who would RISK having to experience and tolerate any symptoms, mental flare ups or psychotic episodes I will most likely end up exhibiting at some point in my life. If I wound up with a mental disorder, I would date OTHER MENTALLY DISORDERED PEOPLE.

 

It's interesting how your post insinuates how mentally disordered people want to date mentally NORMAL people and then feel resentful when normal people do NOT want to date THEM. Life isn't fair for EVERY ONE. Deal with it.

 

.[/Quote]

 

lol again just ignorant. Some people take meds & never have any issues whatsoever afterwards. So you're saying if someone has depression but has no symptoms at all of it after taking meds you still wouldn't date them? Because they have that depression label & take a medication for it & have it completely under control you automatically eliminate them? I could understand if someone isn't functioning correctly, but what if they are? You seem to think everyone who has a diagnosis are never high functioning again. So yes you're ignorant & that shows you have no idea what you're talking about.

[strawberrypancake]

Then, my suggestion to you is for you to date OTHER MENTALLY DISORDERED people. Trying to date normal people who do NOT have to ingest powerful medication every day of their lives so that they do not experience a psychotic episode is NOT something you should be even thinking about, let alone attempting to do.

 

Eternal wasn't "justifying" anything. She was simply stating WHY she would never want to date someone who has a mental disorder; and I share her viewpoint as well. Life is tough enough and difficult enough when dating and being in relationships with NORMAL people!

 

.

 

 

Congratulations on being "normal"...

 

Seriously, this must have been the single most ignorant thing I have read on this thread so far...

[mightycpa]

It's about others not being able to accept you due to it. And the fact that when people hear of mental illness they automatically think you're crazy as seen by some of the posts in this thread. No one wants to admit out in public they have a mental illness. I don't have bipolar, but something less severe but some of the replies in here are just ridiculous.

 

I think to accept is one thing, to want to date/be in a relationship with is quite another. Even becoming friends with someone might be too much for some people. That's more than "accepting" somebody's condition. That's choosing to bring that person, warts and all, into your life. That is a very personal decision, and as 3rd parties, we never have to live with the consequences of that decision, one way or the other. I don't see how you can fault someone for making a choice. Don't people have the right to choose who they will associate with and who they won't without running their reasons by you?

 

You still have not explained how that prevents someone from becoming diagnosed. You are making the very questionable assumption that if someone doesn't get diagnosed and treated, that they will never be judged for their mentally ill behavior.

 

If you think clearly about this for a moment, I think the opposite would be true. If you exhibit symptoms of mental illness, then your first stop should be to get diagnosed and to get treatment, so that you blend in as quickly as possible, to the extent possible.

[NJ123]

Congratulations on being "normal"...

 

Seriously, this must have been the single most ignorant thing I have read on this thread so far...

 

Among other things stated by her. She thinks because you have some diagnosis that you aren't allowed to date others that don't because they are normally & the others aren't. I mean seriously?

[sweetjasmine]

I'm prone to depression. One of my first boyfriends was bipolar, and that relationship f-ed me up for a very long time. He had told me about it, and I thought I could handle it because, hey, I really liked him. Yeah, nope. The way he treated me left my head reeling for months after he cheated on me. Had a friend with BPD (borderline personality disorder) and watched her suck the life out of and burn through friendship after friendship until she had another "episode" and did it to me, too. Have one family member who's bipolar and on meds, and our relationship is strained by her inconsiderate and unpredictable behavior. Now have a family member who's been diagnosed with BPD and who's been in the hospital twice for suicide attempts despite being medicated and in therapy for hours and hours every week.

 

So, no, I wouldn't date anyone with a serious mental illness, which to me is more than Asperger's or moderate OCD or moderate depression or some social anxiety. I can handle those. I can't handle the more serious disorders that disrupt people's lives in bigger ways. And it's not out of lack of exposure or knowledge. It's out of knowing how I personally cannot handle being close to people who are mentally ill and how their problems trigger my depression and suck the life out of me. And it's not out of lack of compassion. It's compassion that ends up destroying me. So if that makes me an ignorant jerk who's perpetuating stigmas about mental disorders, so be it. That won't convince me to sacrifice more of my mental health for someone else's sake.

[strawberrypancake]

I'm prone to depression. One of my first boyfriends was bipolar, and that relationship f-ed me up for a very long time. He had told me about it, and I thought I could handle it because, hey, I really liked him. Yeah, nope. The way he treated me left my head reeling for months after he cheated on me. Had a friend with BPD (borderline personality disorder) and watched her suck the life out of and burn through friendship after friendship until she had another "episode" and did it to me, too. Have one family member who's bipolar and on meds, and our relationship is strained by her inconsiderate and unpredictable behavior. Now have a family member who's been diagnosed with BPD and who's been in the hospital twice for suicide attempts despite being medicated and in therapy for hours and hours every week.

 

So, no, I wouldn't date anyone with a serious mental illness, which to me is more than Asperger's or moderate OCD or moderate depression or some social anxiety. I can handle those. I can't handle the more serious disorders that disrupt people's lives in bigger ways. And it's not out of lack of exposure or knowledge. It's out of knowing how I personally cannot handle being close to people who are mentally ill and how their problems trigger my depression and suck the life out of me. And it's not out of lack of compassion. It's compassion that ends up destroying me. So if that makes me an ignorant jerk who's perpetuating stigmas about mental disorders, so be it. That won't convince me to sacrifice more of my mental health for someone else's sake.

 

 

You need to take a step back and first of all stop feeling attacked. Nobody was talking about you specifically. I am sorry to hear about your experiences and how they fed the depression. I know how it can be, I have experienced it first hand. It seems you have gone through a great deal of pain in your life, and anybody would understand your choice of not wanting to be with another mentally ill person. But no, this does not make you an ignorant jerk who is perpetuating stigmas. Your post is nothing like the ignorant babbles of some of the others on here. I really don't understand how you came to the conclusion that anybody would put you into that category. I wish you all the best.

[NJ123]

I think to accept is one thing, to want to date/be in a relationship with is quite another. Even becoming friends with someone might be too much for some people. That's more than "accepting" somebody's condition. That's choosing to bring that person, warts and all, into your life. That is a very personal decision, and as 3rd parties, we never have to live with the consequences of that decision, one way or the other. I don't see how you can fault someone for making a choice. Don't people have the right to choose who they will associate with and who they won't without running their reasons by you?

 

You still have not explained how that prevents someone from becoming diagnosed. You are making the very questionable assumption that if someone doesn't get diagnosed and treated, that they will never be judged for their mentally ill behavior.

 

If you think clearly about this for a moment, I think the opposite would be true. If you exhibit symptoms of mental illness, then your first stop should be to get diagnosed and to get treatment, so that you blend in as quickly as possible, to the extent possible.

 

I meant that people are afraid to be diagnosed because they have the fear of what people will think such as for a job or obviously with dating as well. Their afraid of how others will view them. For instance if I tell someone I have depression & intrusive thoughts would that make them not view me the same even as a person in general?

[mightycpa]

I'm prone to depression.

So this is where the rubber meets the road. I take it you'd be understanding of someone decided not to date you because of that.

So if that makes me an ignorant jerk who's perpetuating stigmas about mental disorders, so be it. That won't convince me to sacrifice more of my mental health for someone else's sake.

I think that makes you informed, rather than ignorant.