Would you date someone with mental illness?

[NJ123]

Sorry if my choice of words offends you. Mentally disordered = people with mental disorders, mentally stable = normal people....you picking my words apart because I may not have written them in the correct context is just semantics.

 

There are posters on here who can't even compose a grammatically correct sentence and I don't see you picking their words apart. It's just that you don't agree with what I'm saying, so you're going to find fault with every little way that I write. Heck, there's someone on here that doesn't like that I use ALL CAPS when I want to convey emphasis on a certain word or on a thought that I'm writing! Some people use italics to convey a certain thought, emotion or emphasis on a word (or words) that they're writing; I'm the kind of person that uses ALL CAPS on words I choose to emphasize.

 

I have never disrespected anyone on here nor have I ever resorted to name-calling, as many posters do on this site. I just write my opinions and my writing style is unique because it's how *I* choose to type it out. As I've stated, there are people on here who do not type grammatically correct sentences and they misspell words in almost all of their posts, but I do NOT mention it because, it is the way that THEY write and for me, it's more about the CONTENT of what they're writing and the meaning they're trying to convey - I could really care less if they can't spell or if they can't compose sentences correctly as long as I can understand what it is they're trying to say.

 

There are many other posters on this thread who agree with me in saying that they choose NOT to EVER get involved with a person who has a mental disorder who has to ingest medication for the rest of their lives to keep themselves mentally stable. And yet, when I convey this same sentiment, certain posters are jumping all over me...calling me names, insulting the way I live my life and criticizing the way that I type and express myself. Not ONCE have I EVER criticized ANYONE on here about the way that they write their posts, the way they express themselves or the opinions that they have!

 

So, to those of you who have a bone to pick with me because you don't like the way that I express myself, the way that I write or what my viewpoints are, you can feel free to NOT read any of my posts and you have the option of ignoring me as though I don't exist. Because from now on, anyone that feels the need to attack me through their posts instead of being respectful towards me - the way that I am towards others - I will no longer respond to them. I will only refer to and reply directly to those individuals who respond to me in a respectful and polite manner, even if they disagree with me.

 

 

It absolutely was your choice of words as well as the fact that you said people with an illness should only date others with illnesses. It's like who gives you the right to say that. Like you say you only date who you want, than everyone else can too. There's lots of people that have good relationships if one of them has some mental illness. And as I said I made this topic on another forum, & most of the responses said it wouldn't be a big deal as long as it doesn't affect the relationship in a negative way & the illness is under control. Some said they told the woman & it wasn't a big deal at all.

[rester]

I didn't read through all of this thread, but in response to the OP, I once dated a woman on lithium. It was a long time ago and for only a few months, but the fact that she was on lithium never became an issue, and I knew about it before we dated. She's an attorney now, living what I assume to be a successful life.

[writergal]

Sorry if my choice of words offends you. Mentally disordered = people with mental disorders, mentally stable = normal people....you picking my words apart because I may not have written them in the correct context is just semantics.

 

There are posters on here who can't even compose a grammatically correct sentence and I don't see you picking their words apart. It's just that you don't agree with what I'm saying, so you're going to find fault with every little way that I write. Heck, there's someone on here that doesn't like that I use ALL CAPS when I want to convey emphasis on a certain word or on a thought that I'm writing! Some people use italics to convey a certain thought, emotion or emphasis on a word (or words) that they're writing; I'm the kind of person that uses ALL CAPS on words I choose to emphasize.

 

I have never disrespected anyone on here nor have I ever resorted to name-calling, as many posters do on this site. I just write my opinions and my writing style is unique because it's how *I* choose to type it out. As I've stated, there are people on here who do not type grammatically correct sentences and they misspell words in almost all of their posts, but I do NOT mention it because, it is the way that THEY write and for me, it's more about the CONTENT of what they're writing and the meaning they're trying to convey - I could really care less if they can't spell or if they can't compose sentences correctly as long as I can understand what it is they're trying to say.

 

There are many other posters on this thread who agree with me in saying that they choose NOT to EVER get involved with a person who has a mental disorder who has to ingest medication for the rest of their lives to keep themselves mentally stable. And yet, when I convey this same sentiment, certain posters are jumping all over me...calling me names, insulting the way I live my life and criticizing the way that I type and express myself. Not ONCE have I EVER criticized ANYONE on here about the way that they write their posts, the way they express themselves or the opinions that they have!

 

So, to those of you who have a bone to pick with me because you don't like the way that I express myself, the way that I write or what my viewpoints are, you can feel free to NOT read any of my posts and you have the option of ignoring me as though I don't exist. Because from now on, anyone that feels the need to attack me through their posts instead of being respectful towards me - the way that I am towards others - I will no longer respond to them. I will only refer to and reply directly to those individuals who respond to me in a respectful and polite manner, even if they disagree with me.

 

 

+1 post BOZG. I like the way that you express yourself, and what you've said with regards to post etiquette and with regards to Eternal Sunshine's thread topic.

 

Like I said, it's a choice who we date. We aren't obligated to defend or rationalize our choices to anyone, let alone complete strangers on a message board.

 

“You can please some of the people all of the time, you can please all of the people some of the time, but you can’t please all of the people all of the time”.

[joyfulgirl79]

it is truly astounding that you cannot see that no one disagrees with your choice to not date someone with a mental illness.

 

While expressing this, you said some very offensive things.

 

I don't think anyone took offense to anyone saying they would not date someone with a mental illness. I think it is understood why.

 

It does not change the fact that while expressing your views, you said some extremely offensive things.

 

And where it seems that you truly do not recognize it, my hope for you is that your life continues on in a smooth manner.

 

I can't tell your age from your photo, I sincerely can't.

 

Perhaps to be noted.....quite often in women, mental health issues are not apparent up until even the late thirties.

 

Child birth is known to be a major trigger ( post partum issues and quite often, bi polar is diagnosed after the birth of a child because the mother has her first episode)

 

And schizophrenia can present up until the late thirties with no previous symptons.

 

Also, depression can strike at any age.

 

To add on to that....traumatic events can bring on ptsd, depression, anxiety, a whole slew of things.

 

So can grief.

 

It can also happen out of nowheres.

 

But quite often, a mental health diagnosis follows a stressful time in life.

 

I really hope that your life is free of struggles....but the funny thing about it is, is that you could eventually end up with some mental health issues yourself.

 

I think it should be noted, it could happen to you....in all reality, likely not, but it still can.

 

I know myself, as a psych nurse , if I were to receive you as a patient, I would be emphatic and professional....but I would be smirking on the inside and thinking " I thought you were normal?"

 

I would then refer to you other " mentally disordered" people as your potential dating pool as part of your therapeutic care plan.

 

There , there, it is okay....but you need to play with these people now.

[Taramere]

It absolutely was your choice of words as well as the fact that you said people with an illness should only date others with illnesses..

 

I don't think it's for anybody to say what others should or shouldn't do. All any of us can do is express our own feelings and boundaries about a relationship like this.

 

Here's an article about management of relationships where a party is bipolar.

 

Bipolar Dating & Marriage -- Romantic Relationships

 

It does mention that a lot of those relationships do go badly wrong. The relationship it cites as working does, in fact, involved two people who both have bipolar disorder, and who both have good insight into/management of the condition.

 

For the spouse of the bipolar person, knowing when to offer help involves recognizing how your partner is feeling. "You really have to work at it to understand what the other person is going through," McNulty tells WebMD. "And you have to be alert to their moods." McNulty is now remarried to a woman who also has bipolar disorder. When one of them notices that the other is starting to slide into depression, he or she will ask, "How do you feel?" and "What do you need from me?" This gentle offering helps keep both partners on track.

 

In a situation like that you're going to have two people who have a very good understanding of eachother, and of the condition that affects them both. Who will be particularly well placed to support eachother. I think there's an equality to that which will be far more difficult in a situation where one has the condition, and the other has to put effort into understanding that condition, being aware of their partner's triggers etc.

[NJ123]

I don't think it's for anybody to say what others should or shouldn't do. All any of us can do is express our own feelings and boundaries about a relationship like this.

 

Here's an article about management of relationships where a party is bipolar.

 

Bipolar Dating & Marriage -- Romantic Relationships

 

It does mention that a lot of those relationships do go badly wrong. The relationship it cites as working does, in fact, involved two people who both have bipolar disorder, and who both have good insight into/management of the condition.

 

 

 

In a situation like that you're going to have two people who have a very good understanding of eachother, and of the condition that affects them both. Who will be particularly well placed to support eachother. I think there's an equality to that which will be far more difficult in a situation where one has the condition, and the other has to put effort into understanding that condition, being aware of their partner's triggers etc.

 

True, I personally don't have bipolar though. But I still think anyone should be able to date who they want. When you eventually tell them about the condition it's up to them to decide if they want to stay or not. I'd love to be with a nurse or psychiatrist/psychologist so I know right away I wouldn't be judged when I tell them. Since ones who have no idea about these type of things you never know how they'll react.

[Taramere]

True, I personally don't have bipolar though. But I still think anyone should be able to date who they want. When you eventually tell them about the condition it's up to them to decide if they want to stay or not. I'd love to be with a nurse or psychiatrist/psychologist so I know right away I wouldn't be judged when I tell them.

 

I'm not sure it would necessarily work out that way. People who are professionally involved with those who have mental health problems might be particularly likely not to date somebody with a mental health issue. Partly because of the possibility of professional difficulties arising (eg if a colleague were treating their partner)....but also because if somebody spends their working day dealing with these kinds of issues they probably want to be able to switch off from it at the end of the working day.

 

The kind of support you look for in a partner is very different from the kind of support you look for in a professional helper.

[NJ123]

I'm not sure it would necessarily work out that way. People who are professionally involved with those who have mental health problems might be particularly likely not to date somebody with a mental health issue. Partly because of the possibility of professional difficulties arising (eg if a colleague were treating their partner)....but also because if somebody spends their working day dealing with these kinds of issues they probably want to be able to switch off from it at the end of the working day.

 

The kind of support you look for in a partner is very different from the kind of support you look for in a professional helper.

 

Well, I can see that. It's an individual thing I suppose. One person might accept it, while another would run for the hill really quick.

[Taramere]

Well, I can see that. It's an individual thing I suppose. One person might accept it, while another would run for the hill really quick.

 

I remember reading somewhere that what people really look for - what makes them fall in love - is when the other person's dysfunction meshes well with theirs. As the nurse said in "Rear Window"...

 

When I married Miles, we were both a couple of maladjusted misfits. We are still maladjusted misfits, and we have loved every minute of it.

 

There are plenty of people out there who don't have a mental health problem, but who are nonetheless pretty damn difficult to deal with. I think the bottom line is that people want to be able to understand the people who are in their lives. To be able to predict (and therefore manage) their behaviour with reasonable certainty. So that even if that person is difficult by other people's definition, you know how to deal with them and they know how to deal with you. A mutual understanding is reached.

 

If a mental health problem results in a person's thought processes and behaviour being very difficult to understand/predict, then that's going to be a lot more taxing and exhausting. When I was younger, and had fewer demands on me, I found unusual and difficult people quite interesting. I think a lot of people do...hence the "women like bad boys/drama" thing. Men often like bad boys (and girls) and drama too. People generally, especially when they're younger and very curious about the world, can be highly intrigued by the hard to understand person or situation.

 

I was, and I also had the sort of temperament that attracted people like that to me. Me in my twenties, and even into my early thirties, was probably a person who would have been highly approved of by everybody on here who would see themselves as an advocate for those with mental health problems. And that interest/temperament led me into a very problematic relationship eventually. It's possible to be driven to understand other people in a way that isn't very good for you.

 

Professional helpers get burn out. I think people who are temperamentally geared towards that sort of role also get burn out. And once it's hit a person because they've taken on more than they should have or given until it hurt...their tolerance level for anybody who tells them they need to be less judgemental/more compassionate is going to be pretty much at zero.

Edited March 3, 2015 by Taramere

[LifeandPerseverance]

Say you are in early stages of dating and he reveals that he has a bipolar type 1 and has to take 3 types of medication (one being lithium).

 

Dealbreaker?

 

Yep. Sorry. In the past maybe I would have said no, but then experience changed my opinion. I was assaulted by someone who was medicated, and had an anxiety disorder.

 

 

Never again.

[Maleficent]

Sorry if my choice of words offends you. Mentally disordered = people with mental disorders, mentally stable = normal people....you picking my words apart because I may not have written them in the correct context is just semantics.

 

It didn't offend just me it offended a bunch of people. You can frankly use any type of words you want. Just don't complain after when people are calling you out on it...

 

Also, there is a difference between having bad grammar and using offensive terms.

[todreaminblue]

Sorry if my choice of words offends you. Mentally disordered = people with mental disorders, mentally stable = normal people....you picking my words apart because I may not have written them in the correct context is just semantics.

 

There are posters on here who can't even compose a grammatically correct sentence and I don't see you picking their words apart. It's just that you don't agree with what I'm saying, so you're going to find fault with every little way that I write. Heck, there's someone on here that doesn't like that I use ALL CAPS when I want to convey emphasis on a certain word or on a thought that I'm writing! Some people use italics to convey a certain thought, emotion or emphasis on a word (or words) that they're writing; I'm the kind of person that uses ALL CAPS on words I choose to emphasize.

 

I have never disrespected anyone on here nor have I ever resorted to name-calling, as many posters do on this site. I just write my opinions and my writing style is unique because it's how *I* choose to type it out. As I've stated, there are people on here who do not type grammatically correct sentences and they misspell words in almost all of their posts, but I do NOT mention it because, it is the way that THEY write and for me, it's more about the CONTENT of what they're writing and the meaning they're trying to convey - I could really care less if they can't spell or if they can't compose sentences correctly as long as I can understand what it is they're trying to say.

 

There are many other posters on this thread who agree with me in saying that they choose NOT to EVER get involved with a person who has a mental disorder who has to ingest medication for the rest of their lives to keep themselves mentally stable. And yet, when I convey this same sentiment, certain posters are jumping all over me...calling me names, insulting the way I live my life and criticizing the way that I type and express myself. Not ONCE have I EVER criticized ANYONE on here about the way that they write their posts, the way they express themselves or the opinions that they have!

 

So, to those of you who have a bone to pick with me because you don't like the way that I express myself, the way that I write or what my viewpoints are, you can feel free to NOT read any of my posts and you have the option of ignoring me as though I don't exist. Because from now on, anyone that feels the need to attack me through their posts instead of being respectful towards me - the way that I am towards others - I will no longer respond to them. I will only refer to and reply directly to those individuals who respond to me in a respectful and polite manner, even if they disagree with me.

 

 

Yes you have disrespected people on this thread...I am one who feels personally disrespected by you....your posts are full of disrespect and a distinct prejudice that is so obvious.....But i guess you do it with grammatical correctness....so that makes it ok...thats normal isnt it, to disrespect someone , but do it in a politically correct and grammatically precise way..makes everything just peachy.....no need to apologise....you're all cool because you put an emoticon with sunglasses on at the end of disrespectful words to emphasise that you feel justified ....by the way just for personal insight....do you mean my disordered posts when you say the grammatically correct thingie...deb

Edited March 3, 2015 by todreaminblue

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

+1 post BOZG. I like the way that you express yourself, and what you've said with regards to post etiquette and with regards to Eternal Sunshine's thread topic.

 

Like I said, it's a choice who we date. We aren't obligated to defend or rationalize our choices to anyone, let alone complete strangers on a message board.

 

“You can please some of the people all of the time, you can please all of the people some of the time, but you can’t please all of the people all of the time”.

 

Thanks for your post, Writergal. I know that I didn't have to defend or rationalize my dating choices to anyone here. I guess I just did it because I wanted to make myself as clear as I could so that some of the people here could understand where I was coming from; and I've achieved my goal.

 

I've learned from posting on this site how sensitive and easily offended some people can be and also how spiteful and defensive other people can be. So, I've made up my mind that I'll only respond to those people who are as respectful, considerate and polite to me as I am to them; whether they agree or disagree with my viewpoint.

 

Yes, I wholeheartedly agree with ES's response to her own thread topic. As I've said in a previous post, I had an unfortunate and emotionally draining experience dealing with a person who has a mental disorder and, because of this negative (and eye opening) experience, I have decided to never ever date or enter into a relationship with a person who has a mental disorder.

 

However, I also realize that there are many people who have been diagnosed with a mental disorder who take their medications as prescribed and make it a point to never skip a dose or to never stop taking their meds. Those people go on to live their lives with joy and abundance as well as finding true love and happiness.

 

.

[writergal]

It didn't offend just me it offended a bunch of people. You can frankly use any type of words you want. Just don't complain after when people are calling you out on it...

 

Also, there is a difference between having bad grammar and using offensive terms.

 

Ah, but her words weren't offensive to absolutely everyone posting in this thread -- just offensive to those who disagreed with her. And what were you calling her out on? Her opinion? To call someone out on their opinion, that makes no sense. And that's all she expressed: her opinion.

 

And she didn't complain when she was personally attacked for stating her opinion. Calling someone out for having an opinion is the same as attacking them for having an opinion that you don't agree with. I'm using "you" in the broad sense here, not directed at you personally Maleficent.

 

I think when discussions focus on topics like mental illness, it gets rather heated because everyone has had some personal experience with mental illness either with themselves or with others who suffer with one.

 

I don't think it is constructive to such an interesting conversation, to gang up on posters for having a differing opinion; nitpicking how they express their opinion aka "calling them out on it." Why do that? What does it accomplish? It puts the person on defense because all they did was express their opinion that "you" (in the broad sense) disagree with. That just creates acrimony that isn't necessary and taints the overall tone of the conversation to be more negative than is necessary.

 

So you disagree with her viewpoint. Ok. Is it necessary to constantly "call her out" on her opinion or the way she expresses it, because it's not what you believe too ("you" in the broad term)?

 

I dated a guy with bipolar disorder who was on medication and it was a difficult, stressful relationship. I would prefer not to date a bipolar guy again because of that experience. That's my choice. If I am judged negatively for it, well fine what can I do about that. It's my dating life, so it's really my choice. Just as it's Eternal Sunshine's choice, and Black Op Girl's choice to date who she wants, just as it's your choice to date who you want. Can we keep the focus of the conversation on that instead of ganging up on posters who disagree with a viewpoint that a few share because it's counter productive and a distraction.

[NJ123]

Ah, but her words weren't offensive to absolutely everyone posting in this thread -- just offensive to those who disagreed with her. And what were you calling her out on? Her opinion? To call someone out on their opinion, that makes no sense. And that's all she expressed: her opinion.

 

And she didn't complain when she was personally attacked for stating her opinion. Calling someone out for having an opinion is the same as attacking them for having an opinion that you don't agree with. I'm using "you" in the broad sense here, not directed at you personally Maleficent.

 

I think when discussions focus on topics like mental illness, it gets rather heated because everyone has had some personal experience with mental illness either with themselves or with others who suffer with one.

 

I don't think it is constructive to such an interesting conversation, to gang up on posters for having a differing opinion; nitpicking how they express their opinion aka "calling them out on it." Why do that? What does it accomplish? It puts the person on defense because all they did was express their opinion that "you" (in the broad sense) disagree with. That just creates acrimony that isn't necessary and taints the overall tone of the conversation to be more negative than is necessary.

 

So you disagree with her viewpoint. Ok. Is it necessary to constantly "call her out" on her opinion or the way she expresses it, because it's not what you believe too ("you" in the broad term)?

 

I dated a guy with bipolar disorder who was on medication and it was a difficult, stressful relationship. I would prefer not to date a bipolar guy again because of that experience. That's my choice. If I am judged negatively for it, well fine what can I do about that. It's my dating life, so it's really my choice. Just as it's Eternal Sunshine's choice, and Black Op Girl's choice to date who she wants, just as it's your choice to date who you want. Can we keep the focus of the conversation on that instead of ganging up on posters who disagree with a viewpoint that a few share because it's counter productive and a distraction.

 

You do realize she said that "mentally disordered" people should only date other "mentally disordered" people. Why are you ignoring that? Her choice of words as well weren't good at all.

[writergal]

Yes you have disrespected people on this thread...I am one who feels personally disrespected by you....your posts are full of disrespect and a distinct prejudice that is so obvious.....But i guess you do it with grammatical correctness....so that makes it ok...thats normal isnt it, to disrespect someone , but do it in a politically correct and grammatically precise way..makes everything just peachy.....no need to apologise....you're all cool because you put an emoticon with sunglasses on at the end of disrespectful words to emphasise that you feel justified ....by the way just for personal insight....do you mean my disordered posts when you say the grammatically correct thingie...deb

 

No, she hasnt been disrespectful to anyone in this thread. I've seen quite a few posters gang up on Black Ops Girl for no productive reason, other than to gang up on her. Her opinion was on topic and not directed at anyone personally here, which I can't say the same for the posters who have ganged up on her. It's disrespectful and it violates the community guidelines of Loveshack, which is to treat each other with respect.

 

If you disagree with her choice not to date a mentally ill person, then disagree with her but at least show her the respect that she's shown you and others here, that you've shown to the OP. Why doesn't BLack Ops Girl deserve respect? She did nothing wrong.

[writergal]

You do realize she said that "mentally disordered" people should only date other "mentally disordered" people. Why are you ignoring that? Her choice of words as well weren't good at all.

 

If that is what she said, so what? That's her opinion. If you disagree with it, fine. But to constantly gang up on her for that goes beyond respectful communication. To be derisive to her for one statement that she made, is excessive and disrespectful.

[NJ123]

If that is what she said, so what? That's her opinion. If you disagree with it, fine. But to constantly gang up on her for that goes beyond respectful communication. To be derisive to her for one statement that she made, is excessive and disrespectful.

 

So why is it okay for her to be completely disrespectful for? The tone & choice of words in her posts were extremely out of line. What gives her the right to say who anyone should or shouldn't date? It's not a coincidence that a lot of people in this thread were offended by that.

[gaius]

The fierce range of emotions some women considered mentally ill have can be rather intoxicating.

[writergal]

So why is it okay for her to be completely disrespectful for? The tone & choice of words in her posts were extremely out of line. What gives her the right to say who anyone should or shouldn't date? It's not a coincidence that a lot of people in this thread were offended by that.

 

Who is she being completely disrespectful to though? You? Did she specifically name a poster when she made that statement? It's her opinion that you and others disagree with. Why is that offensive? Why is a differing opinion personally offensive to you if it doesn't directly apply to you?

 

Black Ops Girl didn't dictate anything with that statement. It was her opinion. That's all. If a few people disagree with her and find it offensive, ok that's their right. We're all entitled to our opinion. That's the great thing about conversation.

 

I dismissed that part of Black Op Girls' post because I interpreted more as her being flippant, not blatantly rude or disrespectful. Not being serious. And if she was serious, that's her opinion. I'm not going to change her opinion. She's not going to change your opinion, or my opinion.

 

Opinions are opinions, not facts. And, really, I don't think she literally meant it. If she did? So what? That's what she believes, and if it offends you then it offends you but to constantly harp on her for her "offensive opinion" is counter productive. Move on. Ignore her.

 

I didn't take it seriously. That's why it didn't offend me. So, that's my interpretation of the statement. Do I agree that only mentally ill people should date mentally ill people, or only sane people date only sane people? I think the answer to that is obvious. People date who they want to date.

[todreaminblue]

I remember reading somewhere that what people really look for - what makes them fall in love - is when the other person's dysfunction meshes well with theirs. As the nurse said in "Rear Window"...

 

 

 

There are plenty of people out there who don't have a mental health problem, but who are nonetheless pretty damn difficult to deal with. I think the bottom line is that people want to be able to understand the people who are in their lives. To be able to predict (and therefore manage) their behaviour with reasonable certainty. So that even if that person is difficult by other people's definition, you know how to deal with them and they know how to deal with you. A mutual understanding is reached.

 

If a mental health problem results in a person's thought processes and behaviour being very difficult to understand/predict, then that's going to be a lot more taxing and exhausting. When I was younger, and had fewer demands on me, I found unusual and difficult people quite interesting. I think a lot of people do...hence the "women like bad boys/drama" thing. Men often like bad boys (and girls) and drama too. People generally, especially when they're younger and very curious about the world, can be highly intrigued by the hard to understand person or situation.

 

I was, and I also had the sort of temperament that attracted people like that to me. Me in my twenties, and even into my early thirties, was probably a person who would have been highly approved of by everybody on here who would see themselves as an advocate for those with mental health problems. And that interest/temperament led me into a very problematic relationship eventually. It's possible to be driven to understand other people in a way that isn't very good for you.

 

Professional helpers get burn out. I think people who are temperamentally geared towards that sort of role also get burn out. And once it's hit a person because they've taken on more than they should have or given until it hurt...their tolerance level for anybody who tells them they need to be less judgemental/more compassionate is going to be pretty much at zero.

 

 

hey taramere,

 

you are right there si a distinct lack of support for family members, partners and children of mentally ill people in australia you really have to push for support for your loved ones to become part of your mental health care program and to get them the time support and understanding they need to get through the mental illness with you.....in australia the support network is there for the support network of a mentally ill person is there ..but it isnt on offer you have to ask......

 

 

my family and support network when i am sick are linked in.......i made sure of that...my girls have attended groups for children of mentally ill parents......they have developed strategies and have contact numbers to call if they feel overwhelmed....when i was dating a level four schizophrenic i also was linked in to his mental health care plan...and when he decided to run i notified them...when he did illicit drugs ....i notified them...when he drank...i notified them.when he had severe episodes.....when we eventually split up i notified them so they were aware and could adjust his mental health care plan to current needs.......

 

theres a reform that is needed with mental health to include more support for partners friends and family...funding however is hard to get.....

 

 

i would definitely if i had any pull at all and worked in mental health....i would so push for all psyche wards were not co ed.......that men and women with mental illness were separated...it really needs to be done......and i am not into separating but there are too many cases of sexual trysts......

 

i do understand why would anyone want to take on a mentally ill person as a partner...its hard work...but then...so is any relationship....i would honestly say that personally ...i would want someone to see me for more than my mental illness and realize although i have serious flaws ...who i am is a woman who wouldnt want to hurt anyone...not intentionally.unless it was to defend myself........deb

[todreaminblue]

Ah, but her words weren't offensive to absolutely everyone posting in this thread -- just offensive to those who disagreed with her. And what were you calling her out on? Her opinion? To call someone out on their opinion, that makes no sense. And that's all she expressed: her opinion.

 

And she didn't complain when she was personally attacked for stating her opinion. Calling someone out for having an opinion is the same as attacking them for having an opinion that you don't agree with. I'm using "you" in the broad sense here, not directed at you personally Maleficent.

 

I think when discussions focus on topics like mental illness, it gets rather heated because everyone has had some personal experience with mental illness either with themselves or with others who suffer with one.

 

I don't think it is constructive to such an interesting conversation, to gang up on posters for having a differing opinion; nitpicking how they express their opinion aka "calling them out on it." Why do that? What does it accomplish? It puts the person on defense because all they did was express their opinion that "you" (in the broad sense) disagree with. That just creates acrimony that isn't necessary and taints the overall tone of the conversation to be more negative than is necessary.

 

So you disagree with her viewpoint. Ok. Is it necessary to constantly "call her out" on her opinion or the way she expresses it, because it's not what you believe too ("you" in the broad term)?

 

I dated a guy with bipolar disorder who was on medication and it was a difficult, stressful relationship. I would prefer not to date a bipolar guy again because of that experience. That's my choice. If I am judged negatively for it, well fine what can I do about that. It's my dating life, so it's really my choice. Just as it's Eternal Sunshine's choice, and Black Op Girl's choice to date who she wants, just as it's your choice to date who you want. Can we keep the focus of the conversation on that instead of ganging up on posters who disagree with a viewpoint that a few share because it's counter productive and a distraction.

 

I remember a couple of years ago writergal, i was actually mentally unstable at the time.......trying to defend a betrayed suicidal spouse in an other woman forum on loveshack.....and it started.in two threads another one was a thread where a poster was put on ignore by other psoters who were having fun at her expense.... who said she was suicidal..all she wanted was a little validation..and many on this site made me feel retarded and worthless.......i was ganged up on...made fun of..went into some testing thread where i was told life isnt all about puppies and kittens, my posting style was made fun of....my history was denied and pointed out to be laughable......so much so i thought it was abusers coem on the site to discredit me.......and i developed paranoia at the time writergal...you did not jump to my defense at all.....but yet here you are defending words of prejudice and almost bigotry.....freedom fo speech shoudl be productive not counter productive to teh welfare and feelings of others.....

 

now blackopszombie girl chooses only to respond to people who are nice to her.......and has called other posters in this thread spiteful and defensive.and yet said horrid things herself which she has no qualms about doing.......ignoring the fact i have pointedly said that your comments are offensive..she shrugs and writes on........

i never got apologies bar one man poster all those years ago that heighteneed my illness to paranoia..... he said to me .....i am truly sorry......and i appreciated that so much it actually made me cry ..someone recognising they offended me and wanting to not cause further feelings of worthlessness in me......i wont name him or shame him...but i appreciated him.....it made it easier to take the female poster who laughed her head off......and said you have a such a chill dog though in yoru picture before she started to rip shreds off me...until i was sayign pleas please please stop ill leave ill leave......so i have taken my fair share of punishment on here....i am glad i am more accepted now.....makes it easier to voice my opinion.....

 

 

everyone has a right to their opinion you are so right...freedom of speech written and verbal...but sometimes...opinions need clarification....for the intent behind them....which blackopszombie girl has failed to deliver on....if you are going to make polarizing statements...you should be able to explain them in a compassionate and just manner and if you offend someone....it should be taken into account and again....compassion shown.........and honestly she has made it perfectly clear who she is referring to...i am not retarded or are her messages veiled in any way..deb

Edited March 4, 2015 by todreaminblue

[William]

It appears a lot of the discussion on the most recent page is arguing about respect and posting demeanor and various and sundry aspects which have nothing to do with the topic. Hence, moderation will deem all such disagreements resolved and we shall now proceed forward with discussing dating, or not, someone with bi-polar 1 disease lest William the moderator begins to feel like

in One Flew over the Cuckoo's Nest. Thank you in advance for your kind consideration and heartfelt desire to follow our community guidelines in your postings. Good evening!

[writergal]

I remember a couple of years ago writergal, i was actually mentally unstable at the time.......trying to defend a betrayed suicidal spouse in an other woman forum on loveshack.....and it started.in two threads another one was a thread where a poster was put on ignore who said she was suicidal..all she wanted was a little validation..and many on this site made me feel retarded and worthless.......i was ganged up on...made fun of..went into some testing thread where i was told life isnt all about puppies and kittens, my posting style was made fun of....my history was denied and pointed out to be laughable......so much so i thought it was abusers coem on the site to discredit me.......and i developed paranoia at the time writergal...you did nto jump to my defense at all.....but yet here you are.....

 

now blackopszombie girl chooses only to respond to people who are nice to her.......and has called other posters in this thread spiteful and defensive.and yet said horrid things herself which she has no qualms about doing.......ignoring the fact i have pointedly said that your comments are offensive..she shrugs and writes on........

i never got apologies bar one man poster who said to me .....i am truly sorry......and i appreciated that so much it actually made me cry ..someone recognising they offended me and wanting to not cause further feelings of worthlessness in me......i wont name him or shame him...but i appreciated him.....it made it easier to take the female poster who laughed her head off......and said you have a such a chill dog though in yoru picture before she started to rip shreds off me...until i was sayign pleas please please stop ill leave ill leave......so i have taken my fair share fo punishment on here....i am glad i am more accepted now.....makes it easier to voice my opinion.....

 

 

everyone has a right to their opinion you are so right...freedom of speech written and verbal...but sometimes...opinions need clarification....for the intent behind them....which blackopszombie girl has failed to deliver on....if you are going to make polarizing statements...you should be able to explain them in a compassionate and just manner and if you offend someone....it should be taken into account and again....compassion shown.........and honestly she has made it perfectly clear who she is referring to...i am not retarded or are her messages veiled in any way..deb

 

deb, you know I've always respected your opinion, even when we sometimes have disagreed in other threads here (which is rare). I do agree with you about asking someone to clarify their opinion. But I also think it's important to just move forward if the person you ask, doesn't comply with your request (either at all, or in a way that satisfies your need for clarity).

 

We all interpret people's statements in our own way. I didn't take offense to that one particular statement or find it polarizing because I didn't interpret it as a serious statement. It came across to me, as more "off the cuff" the type of thing one says in the heat of the moment. I don't think she meant it to be taken as seriously as some people have taken it here. And maybe she should have clarified that in a way that you and others who were offended by it, could accept.

 

But that's just my interpretation. And interpretation is subjective. There's nothing objective where conversation is concerned? Right? Because people's opinions are informed by their life experiences, and whatever worldview they share, or value system they live by.

 

I'm just really surprised no one else saw how flippantly she said the comment. It wasn't seriously intoned at all. It was said in a facetious manner more than one who dictates "this is the way it is." I think she deserves a second chance. I don't view her as a person with an antagonistic agenda.

[William]

Benefit of the doubt marker.