Would you date someone with mental illness?

[Starship]

It's not okay. But as I said I can understand why some do it. Like for instance, you & some others in here it seems would dump them automatically even if they were in therapy & taking meds & had literally no or very few symptoms that doesn't affect their life in a negative way.

 

I mean if you connected with the guy on so many levels & got along perfect, but he told you he takes meds for depression & is in therapy which completely controls his condition, you still wouldn't give him a chance even if it wouldn't affect the relationship?

 

It is MY choice whatever I decided. It is the choice of some other woman in her situation. One can agree or disagree with their decision but it is their own prerogative.

 

Regardless, I would definitely dump a man who was deceitful and dishonest over a major issue. Trust is broken.

[NJ123]

It is MY choice whatever I decided. It is the choice of some other woman in her situation. One can agree or disagree with their decision but it is their own prerogative.

 

Regardless, I would definitely dump a man who was deceitful and dishonest over a major issue. Trust is broken.

 

Of course it's your choice, but you didn't answer the question to my hypothetical question.

[Phoe]

I personally don't think I could do it.

 

I don't have much experience being around people with mental illness, and therefore really am not well equipped enough to be able to overcome that.

[Eternal Sunshine]

To me, hiding a serious mental condition is the same as hiding the fact that he is not yet divorced or that he has children. I would always wonder what other piece of vital information is he hiding.

[NJ123]

To me, hiding a serious mental condition is the same as hiding the fact that he is not yet divorced or that he has children. I would always wonder what other piece of vital information is he hiding.

 

So in general you wouldn't date anyone with any sort of illness even if it's less severe than bipolar?

[Eternal Sunshine]

So in general you wouldn't date anyone with any sort of illness even if it's less severe than bipolar?

 

I never said that, it's on case by case basis. I can say that I wouldn't date someone with bipolar 1. I did some research and it's just too much for me to deal with.

[NJ123]

I never said that, it's on case by case basis. I can say that I wouldn't date someone with bipolar 1. I did some research and it's just too much with me to deal with.

 

True, that's fair enough. It's really an individuals choice to date who they want, the problem I had with this thread is just some of the people in this thread have been really nasty about some things & are completely uninformed & stating things that aren't true at all.

[TheGuard13]

I think it should absolutely be disclosed early on for one specific reason.

 

Compatability.

 

If someone doesn't want to date me because I have a mental illness, then that person sure as hell isn't going to be able to appropriately support me when I struggle with things because of said mental illness.

[neowulf]

I think it should absolutely be disclosed early on for one specific reason.

 

Compatability.

 

If someone doesn't want to date me because I have a mental illness, then that person sure as hell isn't going to be able to appropriately support me when I struggle with things because of said mental illness.

 

Pretty much. It's hard. No one likes being rejected, but thems the brakes. They'll figure it out eventually. Better to get it out of the way up front than set both of you up for heartbreak.

[LexiB]

I think it should absolutely be disclosed early on for one specific reason.

 

Compatability.

 

If someone doesn't want to date me because I have a mental illness, then that person sure as hell isn't going to be able to appropriately support me when I struggle with things because of said mental illness.

 

And when you're struggling with things because of your mental illness, how much support will you be able to offer your partner...on anything?

 

The type of compatibility you mention, has one partner playing caretaker for indeterminate periods of time, while not getting any care from you. It's a very difficult position to voluntarily put yourself in.

[strawberrypancake]

who can really state that as being truth, maybe some people are attracted to mentally stable people when they are considered mentally unstable...maybe the attraction comes from knowing the guy has a 14 inch penis or maybe the girl has big breasts and that is what attracted a mentally disordered person to that normal person.

 

What do you classify as orderly thoughts.....

 

what you have specifically said is that mentally disorderly people shouldn't expect normal people to date them and that we should date our own kind....is that correct or do you take it back.....do you also feel like hitler felt that we should be branded with an emblem like the star of david as to make no mistake or hide the fact we are mentally ill...at times mentally ill...i stress at times...or maybe we should just find an island somewhere as not to pollute the gene pool any further........

 

sure you have personal choice sure its good for you to choose who you wish to date...for instance i wouldnt want to date a racist...

 

btu you are lumping a specific group of people into one box and deeming them unfit to date and not only that...but we shouldnt consider dating a "normal" or we shouldnt even hold a view or express our opinion in this thread.....if you feel shame...i think you should check your heart about that feeling...it was not my intention int he slightest to shame you or any other...defend people with mental illness .....yes that was my intention

 

so if with my words of defense i have offended your normal sensibilities i apologise.....i do not blame my mental illness fro my words...i stand behind them but to offend you was not what i set out to do.....

 

 

as part of that box you have lumped mentally ill peopel in ....i take offense....ill date who i want to date....and who wants to date me....wouldnt do it any differently....and i make any future partner aware of my disorderly mind early in the dating game......i also take offense that you emphasise your point of view with caps lock a fair bit...its like a pointing finger......i also dont really like the idea of disorderly.....i put my dvds in alphabetical order and my cds and my books have an order only known to me.....the rest of my house ...well.....i do eventually do dishes...and i make stacks..deb

 

Thank you for this post, Deb, it's spot on.

[rester]

And when you're struggling with things because of your mental illness, how much support will you be able to offer your partner...on anything?

 

The type of compatibility you mention, has one partner playing caretaker for indeterminate periods of time, while not getting any care from you. It's a very difficult position to voluntarily put yourself in.

 

That's assuming the person with the illness is incapable of caring for themselves or others. I'll admit I don't know much about bipolar, but I don't think one should assume a person is incapable of taking care of themselves without first hand knowledge of that. It is one's choice whether or not to continue dating someone with an illness, and I'm not arguing that, but if the illness is well-managed, the above assumption may not be correct. It should be determined on a case-by-case basis.

 

 

I wish people would realize that mental illness is similar to physical illness. The people that have them aren't freaks. You don't have to date them, but at least remember they're normal people and illness can strike anyone at any time, physical or mental. They're not necessarily with people from birth. Anyone that knows anyone that has come home from active military service should realize this.

[writergal]

 

I wish people would realize that mental illness is similar to physical illness.

 

How so? If someone catches a cold or flu, they get over the virus in a week. If you have bipolar depression, you never get over that. It's ongoing; you take medication and attend therapy and it's just not something you can physically recover from.

 

Earlier I made the claim that people are born with mental illness. Then I was attacked for my viewpoint. Athletics like football or other contact sports, age, physical trauma and extenuating circumstances like a head injury from a car accident, or PTSD, etc., can also cause mental illness.

 

But in no way, is bipolar depression close to physical illness in the sense that it's curable.

 

Mental illness is incurable.

 

It's something the person has to live with for the rest of their life, and it effects their ability to function in society as far as relationships, employment, etc.,.

 

The people that have them aren't freaks.

 

I don't think mentally ill people are freaks.

 

You don't have to date them, but at least remember they're normal people and illness can strike anyone at any time, physical or mental.

 

So then why are the people like the thread starter, myself and a few others who choose not to date mentally ill people (I have; I wont' do it again), being lambasted? Why is our choice not to date a mentally ill person being attacked as being wrong? It's not wrong if it's our choice.

 

I won't speak for the others, just myself; it's hypocritical to throw stones at people [like me] for their choice of not wanting to date a mentally ill person [again] and accuse them of viewing all mentally ill people in a bad light, because that's not the case at all. It's a weak tactic used to argue that you should date a mentally ill person because they aren't bad people.

 

People who choose not to date a mentally ill person are not bad people. That argument continuously gets tossed around here like it's a fact when clearly it's not. It's just someone's strong opinion.

 

Like I said in my earlier post; the guy I dated with bipolar depression was mild mannered, but his paranoia, codependency, and other issues like an unsupportive family made the relationship unbearable for me to be a part of.

 

Does that mean I'm anti-mentally ill people in general? No, it doesn't. I have a few friends who are on medication for depression and I like them as people. But I also know, that some people with bipolar depression can be violent towards others or even towards themselves.

 

I don't want to be a caretaker for a bipolar man. That's not my relationship goal. And to compare bipolar depression to a mate with a terminal illness isn't the same thing either. It boils down to personal choice in choosing who you want to date/marry.

 

And if you don't want to date/marry someone who suffers from a mental illness like bipolar depression there is nothing wrong with that choice.

 

They're not necessarily with people from birth.

 

I did write that earlier, but noted above there are other causes for mental illness related to age, trauma, etc.,.

Edited March 6, 2015 by writergal

[NJ123]

 

I wish people would realize that mental illness is similar to physical illness.

 

How so? If someone catches a cold or flu, they get over the virus in a week. If you have bipolar depression, you never get over that. It's ongoing; you take medication and attend therapy and it's just not something you can physically recover from.

 

Earlier I made the claim that people are born with mental illness. Then I was attacked for my viewpoint. Athletics like football or other contact sports, age, physical trauma and extenuating circumstances like a head injury from a car accident, or PTSD, etc., can also cause mental illness.

 

But in no way, is bipolar depression close to physical illness in the sense that it's curable.

 

Mental illness is incurable.

 

It's something the person has to live with for the rest of their life, and it effects their ability to function in society as far as relationships, employment, etc.,.

 

The people that have them aren't freaks.

 

I don't think mentally ill people are freaks.

 

You don't have to date them, but at least remember they're normal people and illness can strike anyone at any time, physical or mental.

 

So then why are the people like the thread starter, myself and a few others who choose not to date mentally ill people (I have; I wont' do it again), being lambasted? Why is our choice not to date a mentally ill person being attacked as being wrong? It's not wrong if it's our choice.

 

I won't speak for the others, just myself; it's hypocritical to throw stones at people [like me] for their choice of not wanting to date a mentally ill person [again] and accuse them of viewing all mentally ill people in a bad light, because that's not the case at all. It's a weak tactic used to argue that you should date a mentally ill person because they aren't bad people.

 

People who choose not to date a mentally ill person are not bad people. That argument continuously gets tossed around here like it's a fact when clearly it's not. It's just someone's strong opinion.

 

Like I said in my earlier post; the guy I dated with bipolar depression was mild mannered, but his paranoia, codependency, and other issues like an unsupportive family made the relationship unbearable for me to be a part of.

 

Does that mean I'm anti-mentally ill people in general? No, it doesn't. I have a few friends who are on medication for depression and I like them as people. But I also know, that some people with bipolar depression can be violent towards others or even towards themselves.

 

I don't want to be a caretaker for a bipolar man. That's not my relationship goal. And to compare bipolar depression to a mate with a terminal illness isn't the same thing either. It boils down to personal choice in choosing who you want to date/marry.

 

And if you don't want to date/marry someone who suffers from a mental illness like bipolar depression there is nothing wrong with that choice.

 

They're not necessarily with people from birth.

 

I did write that earlier, but noted above there are other causes for mental illness related to age, trauma, etc.,.

 

It's your right to date whomever you want, but as said you keep making false statements that you think are true. Anyone could develop a mental illness at any time. Someone could develop severe depression in their 60s & never had any depression at all in their life prior to that. Look at what happened to Amanda Bynes. She had no illness at all, than developed schizophrenia & bipolar in her 20s. It could happen to anyone, but yes some illnesses are genetic but that doesn't mean all of them are.

[writergal]

 

It's your right to date whomever you want, but as said you keep making false statements that you think are true.

 

People can be born with mental illness. That is a fact. People can develop mental illness. That is also a fact which I brought up in my most recent post. So, stop accusing me of making false statements here please. You clearly didn't read my entire post that I just wrote.

 

The way you argue with posters in this thread without considering their POV, makes discussing this issue with you pointless. You need to accept the fact that there are people out there who won't date someone with bipolar disorder. You adamantly insist that everyone must have compassion for people with mental illness as well, which also doesn't make any sense because you assume a lot about people who post here, whom you don't know. What exactly is it you want to accomplish here?

 

Anyone could develop a mental illness at any time. Someone could develop severe depression in their 60s & never had any depression at all in their life prior to that. Look at what happened to Amanda Bynes. She had no illness at all, than developed schizophrenia & bipolar in her 20s. It could happen to anyone, but yes some illnesses are genetic but that doesn't mean all of them are.

[xxoo]

How so? If someone catches a cold or flu, they get over the virus in a week. If you have bipolar depression, you never get over that. It's ongoing; you take medication and attend therapy and it's just not something you can physically recover from.

 

Earlier I made the claim that people are born with mental illness. Then I was attacked for my viewpoint. Athletics like football or other contact sports, age, physical trauma and extenuating circumstances like a head injury from a car accident, or PTSD, etc., can also cause mental illness.

 

But in no way, is bipolar depression close to physical illness in the sense that it's curable.

 

Mental illness is incurable.

 

There are incurable, chronic physical illness. In fact, chronic illness can cause depression (a mental illness).

 

And there are mental illnesses that people do recover from, completely and permanently. In the previous example, if the person recovers from the illness, the person could recover from the depression, too.

[writergal]

There are incurable, chronic physical illness. In fact, chronic illness can cause depression (a mental illness).

 

And there are mental illnesses that people do recover from, completely and permanently. In the previous example, if the person recovers from the illness, the person could recover from the depression, too.

 

Those aren't the same as bipolar depression. Mental illness is not curable. That's my opinion. You can't sway my opinion so we will have to agree to disagree.

[xxoo]

Those aren't the same as bipolar depression.

 

I understand that, and that is why it is important to differentiate between a specific diagnosis like bipolar disorder and "mental illness" in general, which is a very large spectrum of conditions.

[NJ123]

 

It's your right to date whomever you want, but as said you keep making false statements that you think are true.

 

People can be born with mental illness. That is a fact. People can develop mental illness. That is also a fact which I brought up in my most recent post. So, stop accusing me of making false statements here please. You clearly didn't read my entire post that I just wrote.

 

The way you argue with posters in this thread without considering their POV, makes discussing this issue with you pointless. You need to accept the fact that there are people out there who won't date someone with bipolar disorder. You adamantly insist that everyone must have compassion for people with mental illness as well, which also doesn't make any sense because you assume a lot about people who post here, whom you don't know. What exactly is it you want to accomplish here?

 

Anyone could develop a mental illness at any time. Someone could develop severe depression in their 60s & never had any depression at all in their life prior to that. Look at what happened to Amanda Bynes. She had no illness at all, than developed schizophrenia & bipolar in her 20s. It could happen to anyone, but yes some illnesses are genetic but that doesn't mean all of them are.

 

You're backtracking now from what you previously said because you know you were wrong.

[sweetjasmine]

There IS a genetic component to both bipolar and BPD. That doesn't mean that everyone with a parent who has either disease will develop it themselves, but predisposition to develop certain mental illnesses is heritable, and the risk for developing the illness increases if both parents have had that illness. That doesn't mean that people are born with the disease itself, but some of us are more likely than others to get sick.

[Starship]

Curable, not curable... controlled, not controlled...genetic, not genetic....etc.

 

Just not anything I would want to get involved with in a personal relationship. About a third of our patients are revolving door cases anchored in mental disorders. A wide spectrum. Fine for months then some relapse....the what and why are debatable but not something I would want to go home to. I have one life to live and there are well adjusted, mentally healthy males out there to share life with.

[alphamale]

Curable, not curable... controlled, not controlled...genetic, not genetic....etc.

 

Just not anything I would want to get involved with in a personal relationship. About a third of our patients are revolving door cases anchored in mental disorders. A wide spectrum. Fine for months then some relapse....the what and why are debatable but not something I would want to go home to. I have one life to live and there are well adjusted, mentally healthy males out there to share life with.

the list of disabilities a "normal" person could have is quite long, are you leaving them off your list of untouchables too?

[alphamale]

Mental illness is not curable. That's my opinion. You can't sway my opinion so we will have to agree to disagree.

mental illness is controllable. more so in some patients and less so in others. but at least we have some choices now versus 200 years ago where they just put you in an asylum and thought you were a witch

[LexiB]

That's assuming the person with the illness is incapable of caring for themselves or others. I'll admit I don't know much about bipolar, but I don't think one should assume a person is incapable of taking care of themselves without first hand knowledge of that. It is one's choice whether or not to continue dating someone with an illness, and I'm not arguing that, but if the illness is well-managed, the above assumption may not be correct. It should be determined on a case-by-case basis.

 

 

I wish people would realize that mental illness is similar to physical illness. The people that have them aren't freaks. You don't have to date them, but at least remember they're normal people and illness can strike anyone at any time, physical or mental. They're not necessarily with people from birth. Anyone that knows anyone that has come home from active military service should realize this.

 

 

People should make informed decisions based on research into the pros AND cons of the situation. And it's worth nothing, that episodes are no joke.

 

Speaking specifically to major depression, the very nature of this disease makes you self absorbed when you're having an episode. There's just no other way to put it. Your focus shifts inward. Not because you're inherently selfish - of course not! My ex, before he started having episodes, was one of the most thoughtful people Id ever met. But this disorder affects the way you think. All the thoughtfulness and empathy go out the window during down time. Even in instances when the person is aware that their behavior is messed up, it doesn't mean they can control it in the moment. **They may not even remember it happened** by the time they come out of the fog.

 

And while all of this is happening, what is the partner's role? To be supportive. To be patient. To be understanding. It's unfair.

 

And mind you, these "episodes" can last months at a time.

 

I feel a great deal of sympathy for people who have to live with mental illness. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Most important to note, I don't by any means think they're "freaks." But there's a huge space in my heart for their spouses/partners because their pain is generally a second thought.

Edited March 6, 2015 by LexiB

[alphamale]

I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

likewise, I wouldn't wish cancer on anyone