Taramere Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 I'm not sure. I don't really know what a serious bi-polar episode looks like. It seems to be one of these conditions that people often attribute to others they know, and I suspect often wrongly so. Presumably if the person has been diagnosed and is co-operating with treatment then they'll have pretty good insight into their condition. I'd have to find out more about how they viewed it, to what extent they saw it as "defining" them and so on. My concern would be if being bi-polar was the main way they defined themselves, and if it made them feel in some way "special". I know that sounds like an odd and judgemental take on it, but I've encountered people who did seem to take a sort of pride in their mental health problem...or who were attracted by other people's problems in a pretty juvenile sort of a way. For instance, those guys who talk about a relationship with a bi-polar woman being the most exciting experience they ever had. Somebody with that sort of outlook is somebody I would avoid, but if the person had been diagnosed with a condition and demonstrated a very mature attitude towards managing it then I wouldn't automatically discount them. In fact it might be the case that they've developed some excellent personal qualities in the course of managing the condition. But if they've got what I consider to be a very adolescent view of their own condition (or other people's) then that would be a big "no". 2 Link to post Share on other sites
PogoStick Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 My answer would be based on how the person functions. Afterall, who doesn't have "mental illness"? There are fears, anxiety, addictions, and many more. I feel everyone has something messed up about them. The question is how does one manage their problems? So he's on 3 meds, but how does he function? How well does he comply with treatment? Does he decide to go off meds frequently because he feels better? That's a big no no. But if he's well managed and doing well in life, then I feel that's what's most important. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Haydn Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 I'm not sure. I don't really know what a serious bi-polar episode looks like. It seems to be one of these conditions that people often attribute to others they know, and I suspect often wrongly so. Presumably if the person has been diagnosed and is co-operating with treatment then they'll have pretty good insight into their condition. I'd have to find out more about how they viewed it, to what extent they saw it as "defining" them and so on. My concern would be if being bi-polar was the main way they defined themselves, and if it made them feel in some way "special". I know that sounds like an odd and judgemental take on it, but I've encountered people who did seem to take a sort of pride in their mental health problem...or who were attracted by other people's problems in a pretty juvenile sort of a way. For instance, those guys who talk about a relationship with a bi-polar woman being the most exciting experience they ever had. Somebody with that sort of outlook is somebody I would avoid, but if the person had been diagnosed with a condition and demonstrated a very mature attitude towards managing it then I wouldn't automatically discount them. In fact it might be the case that they've developed some excellent personal qualities in the course of managing the condition. But if they've got what I consider to be a very adolescent view of their own condition (or other people's) then that would be a big "no". Yep, it became fashionable to be bipolar in a lot of media and celebrity circles. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 If he was open about it, and compliant with his meds, I'd give him a chance. If he was resistant and obnoxious about it, no. I'm dealing with a few things medically (non psych) with my husband, and we're doing great. I think my background gives me a leg up on these types of things. I'd be the same with psych issues. A seventeen year marriage to a sociopath helped a lot too! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Taramere Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 Yep, it became fashionable to be bipolar in a lot of media and celebrity circles. Then Mel Gibson disclosed that he had it, and the craze died away... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Christina107 Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 I think if someone has a mental illness it would be obvious to the other person on the first few dates. It would just show. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 I"m sorry, but I don't buy the "we've all got mental illness" line. No, we all don't. A lot of people do, but not not all. We may have mental issues--tough things we're dealing with, but that doesn't translate to chemical imbalances in the brain which require medication and psychiatric evaluation over a long period of time to treat. I've heard enough stories from my mom who was a psychiatric nurse to know that I do not have the training or patience to deal with that. My strengths lie elsewhere, so no, it would be a dealbreaker for me, too. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder Type 1 in 1989 when I was 24. It hasn't been easy dealing with it but it has made me a stronger person both mentally and emotionally. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Gary S Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 (edited) It's a sad thing to say, but mental illness is a dealbreaker. I stupidly tried to date a couple bipolar ladies in the past... they were both former models... one was a dead ringer for Uma Thurman, the other looked like Mary Louise Parker. They were impossible to deal with. Again, if you will only choose people better than you, you'll never have a problem. Edited March 1, 2015 by Gary S Link to post Share on other sites
NJ123 Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 Honestly, the responses in here are why there's still such an awful stigma towards mental illness. I don't have anything as bad as bipolar, but it's kind of sad to see the responses in here that they wouldn't date anyone in general with any sort of illness. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 but it's kind of sad to see the responses in here that they wouldn't date anyone in general with any sort of illness. I certainly didn't say that. My ex has MS and I was willing to stick with him through that until he decided to cheat on me. I'm not equipped to deal with mental illness. If it was something that a person I'd already been in a relationship with developed, no I wouldn't toss them over that. But someone I don't know and am just meeting? I don't owe them a relationship. I say that for people who aren't suffering with mental illness, too. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Hopeful30 Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 Honestly, the responses in here are why there's still such an awful stigma towards mental illness. I don't have anything as bad as bipolar, but it's kind of sad to see the responses in here that they wouldn't date anyone in general with any sort of illness. Thats just based on what they think they know. Im mentally effed up myself, and yet none of my exes had a clue until i told them. I deal with it very well, and people are surprised when they learn about it because im so well functioning and altogether am very pleasant. When i am suffering i do it alone so as not to involve others. I can guarantee almost everyone who has posted a "no" has dated someone with mental illness but didnt know it. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 Honestly, the responses in here are why there's still such an awful stigma towards mental illness. I don't have anything as bad as bipolar, but it's kind of sad to see the responses in here that they wouldn't date anyone in general with any sort of illness. the people i would watch out for are people with psychological vs. psychiatric issues. you can't diagnose the "normal" wackos like you can diagnose the people with medical based illnesses. In addition, people with mental illnesses are much more likely to harm themselves versus someone else. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Hopeful30 Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 I personally couldnt date someone who was 100% normal and sane. I would find them extremely boring and personally unrelatable. I think everyone has a right to refuse to date someone if they dont feel comfortable, whether its a mental or physical problem. Thats personal preference and everyone has that right. The problem arises when they judge those with mental illness and project these judgments onto them. Otherwise to each their own. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 this question is like asking if you would date someone with one leg 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Hawaii51 Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 biologically, a lot mental illnesses are just as hereditary as a physical illnesses, and I just wouldn't start out the gate like that. -in my humble genes. It goes against evolution on so many levels, and doesn't make a lick of sense. I get if someone gets sick or goes mad, but personally, I'd only leave the person for the latter. Again, just not healthy nor wise to start a relationship with a truly sick being. Be a friend, suuuuuuure. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 Bipolar I is the most severe type, manic/depression. It can make people have periods of very severe depression and it can make some hypersexual. Untreated, it can truly be disastrous. Since he's treating for it, I wouldn't date him/her until you had a chance to just be around him as a friend for long enough to see how leveled out they are and, most importantly, if they take their meds exactly as prescribed or think they can stop taking them when they feel normal or want to stop taking them to get the manic high back. You can usually just ask a person about that indirectly by asking about their meds. They may cavalierly respond "Oh, I don't take them all the time" or "I hate meds and only take them when I think I need to." If they say anything like this, I wouldn't get involved. 80 percent of patients presribed psychotropic drugs do not take them as prescribed and stop taking them on their own, out of ignorance, thinking they know better than the doctor. And that's why you hear so many people say they don't work. They can't work if you take them like aspirin. They have to build up to a level, you have to closely monitor that level with a psychiatrist, and adjust it. Since he's on 3 meds, I'm assuming that he's at least under the care of a competent psychiatrist and not just the family doctor or whatever. IF he's taking them religiously, he might be okay. So find out what his attitude is towards all that. It's common for manic-depressives to really miss the high of the manic phase. It can even compromise their creativity, if that is a part of their life. I lived with a friend who is bipolar II before she'd ever been treated for it, and she got worse into her 30s. So it is something that can change and get worse. She only had a couple of depressive episodes when I was living with her and they were like crazy reckless behavior. She sleeps very little to this day, is always on. Don't jump into anything until you find out if he's dedicated to his medications and have been around long enough to see if he goes missing for days at a time because his mood changed. See if he's regulated. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Hawaii51 Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 I personally couldnt date someone who was 100% normal and sane. I would find them extremely boring and personally unrelatable. I think everyone has a right to refuse to date someone if they dont feel comfortable, whether its a mental or physical problem. Thats personal preference and everyone has that right. The problem arises when they judge those with mental illness and project these judgments onto them. Otherwise to each their own. There's a fine line between being a little neurotic, which is can be exciting and interesting, and bat-****. Neuroticism can be a sexy, creative, sincere character trait in the right amount Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 In addition, people with mental illnesses are much more likely to harm themselves versus someone else. This is true, but not comforting. The self-destructiveness also hurts those who love them. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 This is true, but not comforting. The self-destructiveness also hurts those who love them. hey, it comes with the territory. craziness doesn't discriminate whether one is mentally ill or not. Link to post Share on other sites
Hopeful30 Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 There's a fine line between being a little neurotic, which is can be exciting and interesting, and bat-****. Neuroticism can be a sexy, creative, sincere character trait in the right amount Funny you say that. I would rather date a bipolar than someone neurotic. Grew up with a seriously neurotic parent. F*ck that lol People with mental illness arent "sick" either, and calling them "sick" is very hurtful and gives the wrong impression about mental disorders. By your logic, anyone who is dyslexic should be "sick" too. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
NJ123 Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 the people i would watch out for are people with psychological vs. psychiatric issues. you can't diagnose the "normal" wackos like you can diagnose the people with medical based illnesses. In addition, people with mental illnesses are much more likely to harm themselves versus someone else. Yeah, that's the problem. A lot of people think because someone is diagnosed with something they think that their going to harm them or just snap at any given time like their a psychopath or something. Oh well though, just yet something else I'm going to have against me in trying to find someone. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
newmoon Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 dealbreaker. i have a schizophrenic brother and i see first-hand his difficulties in dating, and i also see first-hand how hard it'd be to date anyone with any type of mental illness that requires a form of medication. it's unbelievably difficult to be around people with mental issues, even when they are in therapy and take meds. no for me. Link to post Share on other sites
NJ123 Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 Then Mel Gibson disclosed that he had it, and the craze died away... I heard he's on meds for it now. The alcohol just made it even worse. I honestly feel bad for the guy since all his personal problems destroyed his reputation & career. But he has a lot of issues. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted March 1, 2015 Share Posted March 1, 2015 hey, it comes with the territory. craziness doesn't discriminate whether one is mentally ill or not. Are you saying that self-destructive behavior is normal in relationships? If so, I disagree. No one reacts perfectly all of the time, but to rise to the level of destructive (toward self or other) is not normal. Link to post Share on other sites
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