Star Gazer Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 When the hell did I say that...?! I have never said I wasn't attracted to her...and for her age, I think she does quite well... You agreed with Kaylan in THIS VERY THREAD. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 I still don't know how you knew...... You announced it last month: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/264275-what-sign-you Link to post Share on other sites
Author USMCHokie Posted March 9, 2012 Author Share Posted March 9, 2012 You agreed with Kaylan in THIS VERY THREAD. Heh, I hoped you would reference that...because I only answered his question of whether he won the thread... But clearly answering a question from another post means that I can be quoted for everything in that person's post, yes...? Does that method hold water in court too...? Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 Damn, that sign thread is over a year old. I was going to make a post in it as soon as I saw it. Link to post Share on other sites
freetolove Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 This problem is fairly common. you might want to look into working with a counselor, not that you're crazy or anything. If you want to be in a serious relationship you have to prepare yourself for it. You also have to reset your expectations for a fulfilling relationship. What have you done to make it exciting. Instead of always focusing on what you get out of it, focus on what you put into it. Another issue is self esteem, it might not be the most obvious but sometimes there's something that you do feel insecure about. Working on your self and being authentic with your partner about it will help you feel closer to her. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 Straight up, Hokie himself said she's not hot and he's not attracted to her. So how you think other people's comments about her speaks to their character is just silly. About as silly as saying this whole thing is related to his astrological sign. All Hokie did was agree with Kaylan's statement. He didn't insult the woman like you did. You said, "She's 18 years older than him and honestly looks even older than that, at least in pictures. Sorry, Hokie... but if you have GIGS in this instance it's warranted because your yard just... isn't pretty." Then you called her an "old broad". You're going to be an old broad someday, too. Let's see how you feel when some "middle-aged tart" in her 30s calls you that. See how rude and mean-spirited this is? And I really don't care what you think about astrology. You already said you think it's silly. We get it. Repeating this over and over isn't going to get a rise out of me. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
PlumPrincess Posted March 10, 2012 Share Posted March 10, 2012 I think you either think too much of yourself or have confirmation bias. I can pull several threads and emails where you talk about a girl you were into that didn't return the affection, and thus did NOT want to make it serious. You also lead these women on. THAT is what's douchey. I guess, that answer the question I was silently harboring, whether you two are an item now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author USMCHokie Posted March 10, 2012 Author Share Posted March 10, 2012 I guess, that answer the question I was silently harboring, whether you two are an item now. Be careful...I think you may have just offended her by suggesting that... Link to post Share on other sites
PlumPrincess Posted March 10, 2012 Share Posted March 10, 2012 Be careful...I think you may have just offended her by suggesting that... I think she is extremely frustrated with you because you're oblivious to her strong emotional reaction to you. She probably would forgive you in a heartbeat if you found the right words and expressed genuine understanding of her and her feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
kiss_andmakeup Posted March 10, 2012 Share Posted March 10, 2012 I don't know the OP's story with the woman he is dating. As a woman though, I resent the double standard. There are a number of other threads ongoing where the man is 10-15 years older and noone bats an eyelash. They are even encouraging the young lady to stick it out and let guy play. What a joke. You ladies make it sound like the OP's girlfriend is some old hag he settling for. You might want to check your negative attitude about HER at the door, because most women are taking a HUGE risk dating someone younger than them. They don't get pats on the back like the men do. Before you start trashing this woman, consider you're gonna be in her shoes soon enough. And you won't appreciate it when people talk about you that way. I think you're attacking the wrong poster. I never criticized her looks or even mentioned them. OP seems extremely caught up in superficial traits, and admitted he is always thinking he can "do better." Seems pretty self-defeating for a guy with an admittedly superficial requirement set for a partner to date a woman that much older. But then again, he probably won't be happy regardless of how young/attractive the person he dates is. I don't "bat an eyelash" at it, I think it's fine and couldn't care less, and if he were happy, I'd say go for it. Same goes for older guys who date younger girls. But in OP's case, it just seems like a bad fit if he's constantly after the next hottest thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author USMCHokie Posted March 10, 2012 Author Share Posted March 10, 2012 I think you're attacking the wrong poster. I never criticized her looks or even mentioned them. OP seems extremely caught up in superficial traits, and admitted he is always thinking he can "do better." Seems pretty self-defeating for a guy with an admittedly superficial requirement set for a partner to date a woman that much older. But then again, he probably won't be happy regardless of how young/attractive the person he dates is. I don't "bat an eyelash" at it, I think it's fine and couldn't care less, and if he were happy, I'd say go for it. Same goes for older guys who date younger girls. But in OP's case, it just seems like a bad fit if he's constantly after the next hottest thing. I think you may be a little mistaken here...I'm hardly after the "next hottest thing"...I have never actually dated a girl that was "hot"...they have always been average looking with great personalities...I've always steered away from the "hot" ones... And I don't think I've ever stated that I had a looks requirement... Link to post Share on other sites
RedRobin Posted March 10, 2012 Share Posted March 10, 2012 (edited) I think you're attacking the wrong poster. I never criticized her looks or even mentioned them. OP seems extremely caught up in superficial traits, and admitted he is always thinking he can "do better." Seems pretty self-defeating for a guy with an admittedly superficial requirement set for a partner to date a woman that much older. But then again, he probably won't be happy regardless of how young/attractive the person he dates is. I don't "bat an eyelash" at it, I think it's fine and couldn't care less, and if he were happy, I'd say go for it. Same goes for older guys who date younger girls. But in OP's case, it just seems like a bad fit if he's constantly after the next hottest thing. It wasn't my intention for you to feel attacked, and I haven't been here long enough to develop an impression of the OP's needs. I was reacting to what appeared to be a blanket judgement of his GF... or some implication that she was 'easy to get'... is that what you said? Why? Because she's older? I didn't get that impression from his posts that she was desperate. Just the opposite in fact... there was a reluctance to get involved because of the age difference. Just thought that his situation wasn't necessarily being addressed. Anyway, we don't know what she looks like. She could be totally 'hot'. We also don't know if this woman makes a habit of dating younger men. Me personally, I'm not for age fetishists... but it seems to me the cases where older women date younger men they are going way against the grain... and are more likely to experience a lot of negative blow-back from everyone around them. Men, not so much. The get lots of positive reinforcement for dating younger women. So, when I see an older woman/younger man, I usually assume it is something exceptional.. specifically because they are bucking trends. When I see an older man/younger woman, I feel just the opposite. Edited March 10, 2012 by RedRobin Link to post Share on other sites
zengirl Posted March 10, 2012 Share Posted March 10, 2012 Straight up, Hokie himself said she's not hot and he's not attracted to her. So how you think other people's comments about her speaks to their character is just silly. About as silly as saying this whole thing is related to his astrological sign. FWIW, I thought Hokie was never attracted to this women---that's always been his vibe. I may not make the comments SG might say, but I agree with her general point. Link to post Share on other sites
RedRobin Posted March 10, 2012 Share Posted March 10, 2012 FWIW, I thought Hokie was never attracted to this women---that's always been his vibe. I may not make the comments SG might say, but I agree with her general point. Ok, but (possible) lack of attraction has nothing to do with her age. No need to go after the woman and make negative assumptions. From the little I've read, she seems like a decent person. The ladies here seem quite, um, catty... is the word. Not addressing his issue. Link to post Share on other sites
kiss_andmakeup Posted March 10, 2012 Share Posted March 10, 2012 It wasn't my intention for you to feel attacked, and I haven't been here long enough to develop an impression of the OP's needs. I was reacting to what appeared to be a blanket judgement of his GF... or some implication that she was 'easy to get'... is that what you said? Why? Because she's older? I didn't get that impression from his posts that she was desperate. Just the opposite in fact... there was a reluctance to get involved because of the age difference. Just thought that his situation wasn't necessarily being addressed. Anyway, we don't know what she looks like. She could be totally 'hot'. My assumption that she was easy to get was based on her wanting to move 1500 miles to live with him after their dating for...a month? You're right though, who knows what she looks like. I think the OP's issues are probably a little deeper than that anyways. But if he has life goals like marriage and a family, it's not likely that he will be able to make those things happen with her. So he will be "settling" in some way. And based on what he's said, he has a lot of trouble with "settling" in general. Link to post Share on other sites
kiss_andmakeup Posted March 10, 2012 Share Posted March 10, 2012 FWIW, I thought Hokie was never attracted to this women---that's always been his vibe. I may not make the comments SG might say, but I agree with her general point. This was the vibe I was getting, too. I was beginning to think I was crazy. Link to post Share on other sites
RedRobin Posted March 10, 2012 Share Posted March 10, 2012 My assumption that she was easy to get was based on her wanting to move 1500 miles to live with him after their dating for...a month? You're right though, who knows what she looks like. I think the OP's issues are probably a little deeper than that anyways. But if he has life goals like marriage and a family, it's not likely that he will be able to make those things happen with her. So he will be "settling" in some way. And based on what he's said, he has a lot of trouble with "settling" in general. I see there is alot of back history here that I'm not familiar with. I don't know how long they've been dating. People do get married to people who are alot older or younger. People adopt too. None of these are out of the question. Of course, if he wants kids that look like him, yea, that would be an issue. Guess I"m just saying that if the reverse situation were being proposed (the guy was 46 and the woman was 28) people wouldn't automatically be jumping to conclusions about marriage, family, etc. Some might even consider him quite a 'catch'... and her quite lucky. Just pointing out the disconnect. I had a man 15 years my junior chase me for 3 YEARS. I currently have a man 18 years younger chasing me. I've said no to both of them partly because of the attitudes presented in this thread. They both seem like very nice men... not after just a fling. The one who chased me for three years... I think it really hurt him that I rejected him simply because of the age difference. Link to post Share on other sites
DontWorryBHappy Posted March 10, 2012 Share Posted March 10, 2012 It's always possible that this just isn't the right time in your life for a relationship. One thing I do understand is the feeling that a relationship just isn't working for you, but not being able to put your finger on why that is. If you don't feel you can resolve it within yourself, definitely let go of the relationship. What I do know is that it's never a good idea to force things. Link to post Share on other sites
kiss_andmakeup Posted March 10, 2012 Share Posted March 10, 2012 Ok, but (possible) lack of attraction has nothing to do with her age. No need to go after the woman and make negative assumptions. From the little I've read, she seems like a decent person. The lack of attraction could have a lot to do with her age, actually. Not because it is worse or better than the OP's age, but because it's so vastly different. As a 24 year old I can't really imagine finding a 40-something year old attractive enough to be with sexually without the "weird" factor. When I was 17 I felt that way about men in their 30's, who I now find very attractive. It's a sliding scale. There's nothing wrong with a 20-something not being attracted to a 40-something. You can find someone objectively attractive or beautiful (or handsome) without being sexually attracted to them. I feel this way about handsome men in their 40's and 50's. And of course there are people out there who are different and find those older or younger or whatever attractive (of both genders). And good for them! Let them find each other and be happy. But maybe OP isn't one of those people. Link to post Share on other sites
kiss_andmakeup Posted March 10, 2012 Share Posted March 10, 2012 Guess I"m just saying that if the reverse situation were being proposed (the guy was 46 and the woman was 28) people wouldn't automatically be jumping to conclusions about marriage, family, etc. Some might even consider him quite a 'catch'... and her quite lucky. Just pointing out the disconnect. I agree with you completely that the response would be different. It's definitely a double-standard. If it helps you understand my viewpoint at all, though, my response would not be any different for a woman with an equal but opposite problem. Link to post Share on other sites
Author USMCHokie Posted March 10, 2012 Author Share Posted March 10, 2012 I think she is extremely frustrated with you because you're oblivious to her strong emotional reaction to you. She probably would forgive you in a heartbeat if you found the right words and expressed genuine understanding of her and her feelings. And that strong emotion being pure unbridled hatred...? She made her feelings about me perfectly clear...and I have genuine understanding of those feelings... Link to post Share on other sites
Author USMCHokie Posted March 10, 2012 Author Share Posted March 10, 2012 I see there is alot of back history here that I'm not familiar with. I don't know how long they've been dating. ..... I had a man 15 years my junior chase me for 3 YEARS. I currently have a man 18 years younger chasing me. I've said no to both of them partly because of the attitudes presented in this thread. They both seem like very nice men... not after just a fling. The one who chased me for three years... I think it really hurt him that I rejected him simply because of the age difference. About 2 months...one of which was exclusive and relationshippy... And she keeps saying how I'm going to break her heart one day...I think it would really hurt her...because she has opened up a lot to me... Link to post Share on other sites
PhillyDude Posted March 10, 2012 Share Posted March 10, 2012 "women, can't live with them, THE END" lol Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted March 10, 2012 Share Posted March 10, 2012 Would you describe her as needy and clingy? Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted March 10, 2012 Share Posted March 10, 2012 Would you describe her as needy and clingy? Insecure men tend to like neediness and clingyness. It makes them feel... needed, and important. Secure. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts