2sunny Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 Since you're in a new R and not TOTALLY into her - that's a clear signal that it's not ideal for you. End it or pull back and be honest with her. Get yourself in a position where you can begin looking around again for a woman who is right for you. To stay with her while being discontent isn't a good approach. You are short changing her as well as yourself. Mainly because she deserves a man to completely love her and you deserve to find someone you feel more passionate about. Link to post Share on other sites
tornangel Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 That is such honkey bs about seeing people sexually then that one magiacal person will FIX YOU , or sweep u off ur feet. Give me a break!!! If u had any respect for urself or women u wouldnt use them , BOTTOM LINE. Even if they know they are being used, most of us dont want to know it for Gods sake. Unless we are a coke whore or was sexually abused or something, even then it is horrible to feel the pain of being used AGAIN... So I think u should stop dating and start fixing urself.... Link to post Share on other sites
RedRobin Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 Alot of people associate drama with 'love'... As you get to know someone, hopefully the care and trust develop and those anxious, uptight, pins and needles feelings that some people call 'chemistry' and attraction grow into something that is more sane and stable. Some think that is boring. I call that normal and comforting. I agree with the others that some commitment phobia might be at play. Link to post Share on other sites
ThaWholigan Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 Yes, I do to. There is definitely a relation :laugh: Each sign rules a body-part as well, as far as I know. Aquarius girls usually have nice legs too. I seem to be able to tell Scorpios and Cancer girls quite easily. Right. Yes, of the 3 major signs -- sun, moon, rising -- moon tells us the most about relationships, though venus and mars tell us much as well. Ironically, I am a Leo (Leo, Capricorn Moon, Aquarius Rising) btw. That's an interesting mix! Leos are usually very industrious in some way. How does Capricorn Moon manifest itself usually? I have an Aquarius Moon, and it usually makes me seem detached and largely eccentric . Link to post Share on other sites
ThaWholigan Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 Alot of people associate drama with 'love'... As you get to know someone, hopefully the care and trust develop and those anxious, uptight, pins and needles feelings that some people call 'chemistry' and attraction grow into something that is more sane and stable. Some think that is boring. I call that normal and comforting. I agree with the others that some commitment phobia might be at play. Does attraction tend to fade naturally, or can it be kept up do you think??? Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 I didn't read all the replies, but OP - I think you are just not ready to "settle down" yet, and I don't think there is anything wrong with that. Be true to yourself and tell your gf the truth too. And next time you start dating a girl, tell her from the beginning that you aren't interested in getting serious. I don't think it is a matter of the right person as much as the right time. You aren't done being single, and that's ok! Link to post Share on other sites
RedRobin Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 I'm surprised you didn't see the impending issues in a self-described chronic "GIGS" person dating a woman 18 years his senior and 1500 miles away. Of COURSE you wonder if you could do better...because you so obviously could. A LDR with a 46-year-old woman is not exactly what every 20-something is dying for. Maybe this relationship enticed you because it was so easy to get her interested in you. I agree with everyone else who has said to seek out women you are genuinely attracted to and pursue them. Don't just wait for whatever falls in your lap. Chances are it won't be the pick of the litter. I don't know the OP's story with the woman he is dating. As a woman though, I resent the double standard. There are a number of other threads ongoing where the man is 10-15 years older and noone bats an eyelash. They are even encouraging the young lady to stick it out and let guy play. What a joke. You ladies make it sound like the OP's girlfriend is some old hag he settling for. You might want to check your negative attitude about HER at the door, because most women are taking a HUGE risk dating someone younger than them. They don't get pats on the back like the men do. Before you start trashing this woman, consider you're gonna be in her shoes soon enough. And you won't appreciate it when people talk about you that way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RedRobin Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 Does attraction tend to fade naturally, or can it be kept up do you think??? It changes... I wouldn't call it fading. It just doesn't have that butterflies in the stomach and non-stop giddy feeling that so many people think is real love. Sure, the giddy stuff is fun. That's infatuation though, not love. Not in my book anyway. Some people live from fix to fix. The moment the giddiness, goes, so do they. It's a shame, but way too many hollywood movies are based on the infatuation... and very few about the solid stuff that life-long relationships are made of. So we are conditioned and socialized to think that when the giddiness is over, then the 'love' is gone or was never there. Which is sad. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Arkaeology Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 I really think you're messed up in the head. Figure out what you want and go after it. If you don't know what you want, just date and state what you want out of the woman so everything will be out in the open. Link to post Share on other sites
dasein Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 If the GF is behaving well, not clinging, not demanding, no drama, no "daily contact rituals that must be observed," not hung up sexually, not manipulative, not cutesy and cloying, not boring and one-dimensional, then this is indeed a problem on your doorstep. If the above or a combo of them, it's on them and a natural response. Make sure which it is before thinking you need to change something. Link to post Share on other sites
Quiet Storm Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 I have heard of a lot of guys with this problem and I think it is a subconscious reaction based in biology. I know a lot of people think it's BS, but I feel that our natural instincts can be very powerful, even though the reasons for those basic primal reactions no longer apply in today's society. So basically I think you are just a young testosterone driven guy, who experiences limerance with a women, which feels very strong and makes you want to be around that person. Limerance is a biological reaction designed to make both of you want to have sex (to further the human race). When women have sex, oxytocin is released to bond us to our man, which would have been beneficial to a woman in previous societies, to ensure protection for her & her children. Also, women need to be able to care for a child, and their natural drive is more spaced out to allow for pregnancy, birth and breastfeeding. Their primal goal was not to spread their seed, but to nurture their babies so that they will reach adulthood. In modern times, this manifiests itself when women feel "connected" or "bonded" once they have sex a guy- even if they consiously do not want children or a serious relationship. You will hear many women in love talking about soul mates and "connections", all it is chemicals & hormones doing what they were programmed to do. The primal biological goal of the male, however, was to spread his genes around, so that he has a better chance of having stronger and healthier offspring (many kids back then died young). In modern times, a guy will experience limerance and enjoy her company for awhile, but when their seed has been sufficiently sprung, their primary biological goal as a male has been accomplished and their interest wanes because it's their biological duty to find more females. (This is especially true for alpha males, but thats another debate). So even if the man does not want kids, even if he knows nothing has changed about the girl and he loved her a week ago, those natural instincts still tug on his feelings, and he will often begin to feel smothered by her attention, instead of basking in it like he was during the limerance phase. I know this is a very controversial view, and many people will call BS. But it is important to understand that what I feel is happening here is not a conscious thing. Even though this behavior is no longer needed for procreation, this pathway still exists in the primal part of our brains that aren't driven by logic. Our DNA doesn't know that those reactions are unnecessary. It's still doing what it was programmed to do. As humans, we have the ability to control our actions. We do have instincts and urges, but we can use logic and intelligence to override them. We have evolved and can control ourselves, but this does not mean that the primal instincts of our ancestors disappear. Knowledge is power, and if we know why we feel a certain way, if we know why we do what we do, it can help us to put it in perspective. It comes with maturity. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 Does attraction tend to fade naturally, or can it be kept up do you think??? Attraction doesn't ever need to change. Distraction does eventually fade. After a year or two together, you can usually sit through a family dinner and focus on the conversation, without being distracted about how much you'd rather be eating each other But I say, thank goodness! That initial period of sexual distraction is fun, and the memories are awesome, but there is more to life and love than that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author USMCHokie Posted March 9, 2012 Author Share Posted March 9, 2012 Thanks for all the responses. It gives me a lot to think about...especially issues raised that I had never considered a problem before...I will respond to individual posts after work and this weekend... Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 I think it is a subconscious reaction based in biology. I know a lot of people think it's BS Then infanticide of the woman's children by a previous male shouldn't be a crime. It's a biological reaction to give the new man's kids and DNA the upper hand. Link to post Share on other sites
BetheButterfly Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 What the hell is wrong with me...? With as much whining and complaining as I've done on LS regarding women, I don't know what to make of this...as soon as I enter into a relationship, I develop an overwhelming desire to be single...and this has happened with every girl I've dated in the past two and a half years since the ex... The timeline always goes like this: (1) I meet a girl and have a great time getting to know her, (2) We become exclusive and date some more...intimacy follows... (3) Relationship is "official"... (4) At some point, all I want is to be single again, but I feel bad because the girl has developed strong feelings for me, (5) I stick around because I don't want to hurt her, (6) I grow resentful... I recently passed step 3 with the woman I'm dating now, and step 4 hit me like a freight train tonight...the last time I visited her, I met a lot of her friends who all liked me...and they supported us dating and felt really happy for her...so of course now I feel absolutely terrible...because I feel that if I ended things, I'd not only be letting her down, but also letting down everyone else I met... Does anyone else experience this pattern...? And what did you do to alleviate it...? Just curious, but have you ever outlined your goals in life? If one of your goals is to get married and have kids, you need to focus on that. If it is not one of your goals, then you need to make it clear to the woman that she is a temporary relationship which can be ended at any time. Link to post Share on other sites
Quiet Storm Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 Then infanticide of the woman's children by a previous male shouldn't be a crime. It's a biological reaction to give the new man's kids and DNA the upper hand. I said in my post that we do have self control. I am not saying biology is a justification, I am only offering it as a reason that may be prompting these feelings. We have many biological instincts that should not be acted on, but that doesn't mean that they aren't a factor in the way we think and behave. However, using your scenario, I think biology does play a part in why some men don't want to raise another man's kids. That instinct does not usually prompt them to murder, but it may cause him to choose a woman without kids, or it may result in him having less patience with stepkids in a blended family. I don't think primal instincts give us free reign to do whatever we want, but I do think they can affect the way feel. We should always use our logic to decide what to do with those feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 I've noticed that every Saggitarius girl I meet usually has GREAT legs That's because they're always running away. I'm Cancer, Virgo rising, and my moon is in Sagittarius. So I get the great boobs and great legs. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 Where are you guys getting this astrology stuff from? I'm a virgo and I have no idea what my full moon rising sign is. I'm also in the year of the rooster. So combined that makes me a virgin cock. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 I don't know the OP's story with the woman he is dating. As a woman though, I resent the double standard. There are a number of other threads ongoing where the man is 10-15 years older and noone bats an eyelash. They are even encouraging the young lady to stick it out and let guy play. What a joke. You ladies make it sound like the OP's girlfriend is some old hag he settling for. You might want to check your negative attitude about HER at the door, because most women are taking a HUGE risk dating someone younger than them. They don't get pats on the back like the men do. Before you start trashing this woman, consider you're gonna be in her shoes soon enough. And you won't appreciate it when people talk about you that way. Agreed. I think it says a lot about the character of the people who are insulting this woman they don't even know. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 Where are you guys getting this astrology stuff from? I'm a virgo and I have no idea what my full moon rising sign is. I'm also in the year of the rooster. So combined that makes me a virgin cock. PM me your birth date including year, city of birth, and time of birth, and I'll do your full chart for you. Or you can use a site like astro.com to do it yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 I don't know what time I was born. Would that have any affect? Though I know that I was a couple weeks overdue. Link to post Share on other sites
Author USMCHokie Posted March 9, 2012 Author Share Posted March 9, 2012 PM me your birth date including year, city of birth, and time of birth, and I'll do your full chart for you. Or you can use a site like astro.com to do it yourself. I still don't know how you knew...... Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 Agreed. I think it says a lot about the character of the people who are insulting this woman they don't even know. Straight up, Hokie himself said she's not hot and he's not attracted to her. So how you think other people's comments about her speaks to their character is just silly. About as silly as saying this whole thing is related to his astrological sign. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 I still don't know how you knew...... You posted in November about it being your birthday. Link to post Share on other sites
Author USMCHokie Posted March 9, 2012 Author Share Posted March 9, 2012 Straight up, Hokie himself said she's not hot and he's not attracted to her. So how you think other people's comments about her speaks to their character is just silly. About as silly as saying this whole thing is related to his astrological sign. When the hell did I say that...?! I have never said I wasn't attracted to her...and for her age, I think she does quite well... Link to post Share on other sites
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