PlumPrincess Posted March 10, 2012 Share Posted March 10, 2012 And that strong emotion being pure unbridled hatred...? She made her feelings about me perfectly clear...and I have genuine understanding of those feelings... She's frustrated and angry with you, because she cares for you and you are too dumb (sorry, I'm sure that's what she thinks!) to show the right reaction. You hurt her feelings and you don't get it. She wants to hear something like, "I'm so sorry. I said things that hurt your feelings. I know it was wrong what I did and I would never say anything intentionally to hurt you. I hope you can forgive me. Do you accept my apology?" And when you say it, you have to understand fully what you did wrong and you have to mean it, otherwise she'll be even more pissed off. That's just my guess from what I have seen so far. Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted March 10, 2012 Share Posted March 10, 2012 I am not sure what to think about astrology. I hate sun-signs-based-predictions. But I do believe that there is something in making someone's full chart. I am Sagittarius too and have Cancer as an ascendant (weird combo) and moon in Aries. I think it's spot on. I have also struggled through what Hokie describes in most of my short term relationships in my 20's. I only got over that feeling by pushing it away and going on with the relationship despite the feeling. I think that feeling was something to do with me rather than other people. It's almost like you push through the fear and do it anyway. It actually worked. Link to post Share on other sites
Author USMCHokie Posted March 10, 2012 Author Share Posted March 10, 2012 Would you describe her as needy and clingy? No. Not at all. Link to post Share on other sites
RedRobin Posted March 10, 2012 Share Posted March 10, 2012 About 2 months...one of which was exclusive and relationshippy... And she keeps saying how I'm going to break her heart one day...I think it would really hurt her...because she has opened up a lot to me... "keeps saying?" Hmm... well, I would say that is a normal statement by anyone who has had their heartbroken before and doesn't want it broken again. There is nothing that I've read that spells 'doom' here... except that, yes, a large age difference brings certain challenges down the road in matching lifestyles and expectations. The only thing that would break MY heart if I were in her position is if I felt I was being used as a placeholder... or a rebound.... or the age difference came up as a weapon at any time. The fact that you are pondering if that is the case is not a bad thing. However.... I'm kind of inclined to go with the 'push through' advice. I have a male friend who is a chronic commitment phobe. He's constantly overthinking things and dreaming up hurdles. I'm getting to know his current girlfriend... and she is probably one of the nicest, calmest people he's ever dated. I just wanna slap him sometimes. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted March 10, 2012 Share Posted March 10, 2012 Hokie, in your first thread about her, you described "absolutely no long term potential". You two were in it for the fun of it. How did you get from there to here? Did you change your mind at some point about long term potential? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted March 10, 2012 Share Posted March 10, 2012 I had a man 15 years my junior chase me for 3 YEARS. I currently have a man 18 years younger chasing me. I've said no to both of them partly because of the attitudes presented in this thread. .. I think it really hurt him that I rejected him simply because of the age difference. It's sad that you want the approval of other people to dictate your happiness. If you rejected that one guy "simply because of the age difference" that makes you ageist, something you accuse other people of. I have a man 19 years younger chasing me. The only reason I don't respond is because he is a player and has hot and cold running women of all ages on tap. Nothing to do with his age. Link to post Share on other sites
Author USMCHokie Posted March 10, 2012 Author Share Posted March 10, 2012 Insecure men tend to like neediness and clingyness. It makes them feel... needed, and important. Secure. I would certainly agree with this...it's attention from women that we're not used to having... Link to post Share on other sites
Author USMCHokie Posted March 10, 2012 Author Share Posted March 10, 2012 Hokie, in your first thread about her, you described "absolutely no long term potential". You two were in it for the fun of it. How did you get from there to here? Did you change your mind at some point about long term potential? Yes, both of us were in it just for the fun of it...and I'm not really sure how it got to this point...we just got to know each other better and realized we had a lot in common and liked spending time with each other...I treated her well and made her laugh and think...and she liked my personality...a lot...so as her feelings grew, I guess mine grew too, almost "in response" to hers...and so I tried rationalizing long term potential with her... Don't get me wrong, I actually do like her a lot...I'm attracted to her and still like spending time with her...she has a great personality that complements mine really well...this wasn't a 180 in my interest in her, but a 180 in my interest in being single...so while I still want to be with her, I almost feel like I want to be single more... Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted March 10, 2012 Share Posted March 10, 2012 Just tell her you need some time and space to be on your own - since that is what you are more used to. In other words - pull back a bit. Sounds like you need more independence than she does. If she doesn't like it - she's not a good match for you. Here's the thing... I do spend a lot of time on my own... I like it that way. It helps me to keep a clear head and stay focused. If someone I were dating needed to be with me a LOT - that wouldn't work for me. I like being with men... But I don't like it when they try to squeeze me for every free moment I may have. I want to date someone once or twice a week - but if they are really needy - I don't find it or them attractive. Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted March 10, 2012 Share Posted March 10, 2012 Yes, both of us were in it just for the fun of it...and I'm not really sure how it got to this point...we just got to know each other better and realized we had a lot in common and liked spending time with each other...I treated her well and made her laugh and think...and she liked my personality...a lot...so as her feelings grew, I guess mine grew too, almost "in response" to hers That's the definition of dating. Link to post Share on other sites
Author USMCHokie Posted March 10, 2012 Author Share Posted March 10, 2012 Just tell her you need some time and space to be on your own - since that is what you are more used to. In other words - pull back a bit. Sounds like you need more independence than she does. If she doesn't like it - she's not a good match for you. Here's the thing... I do spend a lot of time on my own... I like it that way. It helps me to keep a clear head and stay focused. If someone I were dating needed to be with me a LOT - that wouldn't work for me. I like being with men... But I don't like it when they try to squeeze me for every free moment I may have. I want to date someone once or twice a week - but if they are really needy - I don't find it or them attractive. Well, the time and space issue isn't really an issue...she lives 1500 miles away...so we only see each other once a month...and we talk or text more or less every day, but it isn't so much that it's annoying... Link to post Share on other sites
Author USMCHokie Posted March 10, 2012 Author Share Posted March 10, 2012 That's the definition of dating. Heh, touche... Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted March 10, 2012 Share Posted March 10, 2012 Well, the time and space issue isn't really an issue...she lives 1500 miles away...so we only see each other once a month...and we talk or text more or less every day, but it isn't so much that it's annoying... Well then - what's annoying? Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted March 10, 2012 Share Posted March 10, 2012 since the ex... There is your problem.. If your ex wasn't the problem you would have phrased the OP differently... I think you need to bite the bullet and let go of your ex and the fear the breakup left in you and you will find love again... Link to post Share on other sites
Author USMCHokie Posted March 10, 2012 Author Share Posted March 10, 2012 Well then - what's annoying? Whoops, that wasn't phrased correctly...I meant to say that it isn't so much that it would be annoying or bothersome... Link to post Share on other sites
Author USMCHokie Posted March 11, 2012 Author Share Posted March 11, 2012 There is your problem.. If your ex wasn't the problem you would have phrased the OP differently... I think you need to bite the bullet and let go of your ex and the fear the breakup left in you and you will find love again... Hmmm, I guess the reference to the ex was that this was my first "official" relationship since her...but maybe I'm holding onto that last relationship to this day...I honestly don't know... Link to post Share on other sites
RedRobin Posted March 11, 2012 Share Posted March 11, 2012 (edited) It's sad that you want the approval of other people to dictate your happiness. If you rejected that one guy "simply because of the age difference" that makes you ageist, something you accuse other people of. I have a man 19 years younger chasing me. The only reason I don't respond is because he is a player and has hot and cold running women of all ages on tap. Nothing to do with his age. You don't know all of the reasons I turned him down, and I don't plan on sharing them here. It is ageist to claim certain characteristics about someone based on age. Looks, character, or motives... for instance. That was my gripe about the prior posters. It is not ageist to decide not to date someone because of an age difference. I never said the OP was obliged to date someone of a certain age. Also, I've blazed enough trails in my life. Not interested in blazing more just for the fun of it or to prove a point. That's not fair to them either. To be made some 'proof' that I can date just like the guys do. In the big scheme of things... our level of compatibility wasn't exceptional enough to make it worth putting up with people's BS. In a nutshell. Edited March 11, 2012 by RedRobin Link to post Share on other sites
jobaba Posted March 11, 2012 Share Posted March 11, 2012 I recently passed step 3 with the woman I'm dating now, and step 4 hit me like a freight train tonight...the last time I visited her, I met a lot of her friends who all liked me...and they supported us dating and felt really happy for her...so of course now I feel absolutely terrible...because I feel that if I ended things, I'd not only be letting her down, but also letting down everyone else I met... Does anyone else experience this pattern...? And what did you do to alleviate it...? There are many things I would like the current woman I'm dating to be which she is not. On some of those things, she is far from ideal. But I will not take for granted the fact that she cares for me and accepts me for the most part unconditionally. I KNOW how hard it would to be to find another person like that so ... when my emotions kick in and tell me I could find someone better, I tell them to stick it up their a@@. In terms of desiring being free and single again, I don't spend all that much time with my girlfriend, so time and freedom is not an issue yet. Every now and then, I think it would be great to hit on and date other women. Then I remember all the brutal rejection I faced when I was in that situation. No thank you... Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted March 11, 2012 Share Posted March 11, 2012 If its bothering you - then just change the agreement with her so that you both have a new understanding of what kind of agreement you now have... Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted March 11, 2012 Share Posted March 11, 2012 Annnnnnd, I'm getting more texts from Hokie. Link to post Share on other sites
Author USMCHokie Posted March 11, 2012 Author Share Posted March 11, 2012 Annnnnnd, I'm getting more texts from Hokie. True story . Link to post Share on other sites
Author USMCHokie Posted March 11, 2012 Author Share Posted March 11, 2012 Annnnnnd, I'm getting more texts from Hokie. You know how God has beef with Satin...? Star hates me so much more than that... Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted March 11, 2012 Share Posted March 11, 2012 You know how God has beef with Satin...? Star hates me so much more than that... Stop it. Please. Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted March 11, 2012 Share Posted March 11, 2012 Geeeeeez Hokie, why do you let yourself be humiliated like that? Just move on from Star already. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
mickleb Posted March 11, 2012 Share Posted March 11, 2012 Annnnnnd, I'm getting more texts from Hokie. Why mention this? 6 Link to post Share on other sites
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