jobaba Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 Well, the time and space issue isn't really an issue...she lives 1500 miles away...so we only see each other once a month...and we talk or text more or less every day, but it isn't so much that it's annoying... If you haven't talked about being exclusive then you are not. Go and continue to seek other women. I mean ... if you have to consult a bunch of jack@sses on an internet site for advice on whether or not you should dump a woman you are seeing, it must not be worth much to you... Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 Who are you calling jackasses? Some smart and insightful people who have honest intentions to help have responded here. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Feelin Frisky Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 I really like this post, and the bold is so profound, yet so simple. Brilliant. Thank you. That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me and I really apppreciate you saying so. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author USMCHokie Posted March 12, 2012 Author Share Posted March 12, 2012 If you haven't talked about being exclusive then you are not. Go and continue to seek other women. I mean ... if you have to consult a bunch of jack@sses on an internet site for advice on whether or not you should dump a woman you are seeing, it must not be worth much to you... We are exclusive. I have not sought other women. And it's not the relationship is not worth much to me, it's that the views and opinions from those on LS are worth that much to me...I've been here long enough to know whose opinions are of value to me... Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 You consider yourself a decent guy, right, with integrity? Well: regardless of WHY you feel the way you do about this women, she deserves a guy who is into her, as much as she is into them.... You need to end it, because she would be far more devastated if she KNEW what u were saying and thinking about her, than if u simply ended it now, and told the truth. I think the truth hurts, but so too, will it hurt her when u dump her later on, when she has invested even MORE feelings into you... By all means, try to better understand yourself. Frisky gave some great insight, and I am sure it has made u realise things about your predicament... The FACTS are: -you do not totally know why you are the way that you are, regarding women. - You think u could do better - If you really were that into her, I believe that u would view her as very attractive to YOU. It would NOT bother u, if she was not a " hottie" Aside from Frisky's post, have u ever thought that: there is a differnt between really liking a girl, and full on thinking they are amazing? Perhaps you are the type of guy, who needs a girl who u could marry? It is easy to find girls u really like, and think are awesome; perhaps u need something better? A girl that is good enough for u to want to potentially spend your life together with? Link to post Share on other sites
reallyhotguy Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 Who are you calling jackasses? Some smart and insightful people who have honest intentions to help have responded here. Also, so has Star Gazer. Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 Dude - I have read a few more posts, and u come across like a nice guy, who tries to treat people well.... Deap down, I suspect you KNOW that this girl deserves a guy who is on the same page as her... I think you KNOW that you need to end things with her right now. it is not your fault - you never set out to hurt anyone. People get hurt, and it is no ones fault a lot of the time. She may be very angry at you, who knows. At least u would have done the right thing. You will make a relationship work, when your ready. Your obviously not ready right now, so I urge you to do the right thing by this women. Link to post Share on other sites
Author USMCHokie Posted March 12, 2012 Author Share Posted March 12, 2012 Dude - I have read a few more posts, and u come across like a nice guy, who tries to treat people well.... Deap down, I suspect you KNOW that this girl deserves a guy who is on the same page as her... I think you KNOW that you need to end things with her right now. it is not your fault - you never set out to hurt anyone. People get hurt, and it is no ones fault a lot of the time. She may be very angry at you, who knows. At least u would have done the right thing. You will make a relationship work, when your ready. Your obviously not ready right now, so I urge you to do the right thing by this women. So when does someone know that they are "ready"...? I understand what you're saying, and it sounds like you're right about this...but it's not that I don't think my girlfriend is amazing, it's just that I get antsy about being single again...and I use the unique circumstances of my relationship as a justification to get out... The thing that concerns me is that looking back, this sort of thing happens every time... Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 The thing that concerns me is that looking back, this sort of thing happens every time... Since beliefs determine behavior, what would someone have to logically believe about himself, women and relationships that would explain this pattern? Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 Stop going into things with so much of an agenda. That way you set yourself up for a fall. Go looking for something you want right now, bear in mind your longer term aspirations, but don't trip up on the roots of a tree by looking for the golden chalice in the distance too much, and if you do trip up, pick yourself up, dust yourself down and carry on. One step at a time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author USMCHokie Posted March 12, 2012 Author Share Posted March 12, 2012 Since beliefs determine behavior, what would someone have to logically believe about himself, women and relationships that would explain this pattern? I'm not really sure how to answer this...and a logical explanation would be fantastic, as that is how I operate... Link to post Share on other sites
Author USMCHokie Posted March 12, 2012 Author Share Posted March 12, 2012 Stop going into things with so much of an agenda. That way you set yourself up for a fall. Go looking for something you want right now, bear in mind your longer term aspirations, but don't trip up on the roots of a tree by looking for the golden chalice in the distance too much, and if you do trip up, pick yourself up, dust yourself down and carry on. One step at a time. I'm not sure I'm necessarily going into any relationship with an agenda of any kind...I'm not trying to find someone to marry tomorrow...one day at a time is a mantra I definitely live by... Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 So when does someone know that they are "ready"...? I understand what you're saying, and it sounds like you're right about this...but it's not that I don't think my girlfriend is amazing, it's just that I get antsy about being single again...and I use the unique circumstances of my relationship as a justification to get out... What is it about being single that you miss? Flirting? Scratching yourself? You live 1500 miles apart: you can flirt and scratch yourself to your heart's content and she'd be none the wiser. Is it the emotional aspect of being in a relationship? How about talking to her about that, if that's the case? I may be putting words into your head here, maybe you want to cool things down a smidgen; make it a bit more cerebral, and take more time apart. This is what relationships are. You get close, you pull apart, you get close again, you find what distance works for you, and her, and you adjust it as the phases of the moon or the tides of the sea of being human demand. Just because you're not feeling like you're floating on air and completely loved up at the moment doesn't mean the connection is gone; it's just maturing. Of course, you may think it's not what you want, but then maybe you would have ended it and not had to discuss it here if that was the case. Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 I'm not sure I'm necessarily going into any relationship with an agenda of any kind...I'm not trying to find someone to marry tomorrow...one day at a time is a mantra I definitely live by... Ah well, see my later post in that case. It may be more apposite. Don't sweat it too much. You are what you are. Link to post Share on other sites
Author USMCHokie Posted March 12, 2012 Author Share Posted March 12, 2012 What is it about being single that you miss? Flirting? Scratching yourself? You live 1500 miles apart: you can flirt and scratch yourself to your heart's content and she'd be none the wiser. I guess being able to prove to myself that I really could date a woman that I wanted, as opposed to one that wants me...so whenever I'm out, I'm beginning to notice that if I put a bit more effort into it, I could actually be somewhat successful... Is it the emotional aspect of being in a relationship? How about talking to her about that, if that's the case? I may be putting words into your head here, maybe you want to cool things down a smidgen; make it a bit more cerebral, and take more time apart. Well, I love the emotional part of relationships...and things with that are great with her...we get along really well at the emotional level... This is what relationships are. You get close, you pull apart, you get close again, you find what distance works for you, and her, and you adjust it as the phases of the moon or the tides of the sea of being human demand. Just because you're not feeling like you're floating on air and completely loved up at the moment doesn't mean the connection is gone; it's just maturing. Of course, you may think it's not what you want, but then maybe you would have ended it and not had to discuss it here if that was the case. I really am torn by this...hence the thread and thinking out loud on LS...I guess I'm still chasing after that floating on air feeling... Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 So when does someone know that they are "ready"...? I understand what you're saying, and it sounds like you're right about this...but it's not that I don't think my girlfriend is amazing, it's just that I get antsy about being single again...and I use the unique circumstances of my relationship as a justification to get out... The thing that concerns me is that looking back, this sort of thing happens every time... I think you are ready - when you no longer need to wonder if the gal is right for you - you jet know she is without all these reservations about whether or not it may be right. Link to post Share on other sites
Author USMCHokie Posted March 12, 2012 Author Share Posted March 12, 2012 I think you are ready - when you no longer need to wonder if the gal is right for you - you jet know she is without all these reservations about whether or not it may be right. So you feel that you're "ready" when you've met the right person, and not when you yourself are ready...? I.e., your readiness is externally driven...? Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 Also, so has Star Gazer. OUCH! Haha! Hokie is a soft spot of hers. Still. Which is why right now their dancing around each other isn't appropriate. WRONG. I post in his threads for the same reason I post in other infamous posters' threads... it's pretty much trainwreck theory. Can't help but stop and look. Let's be clear here: There is absolutely no dancing around on my part. There is no reaching out on my part. There is no texting on my part. I have repeatedly asked him to not text me. He continues to do so, under the auspices of being drunk in Vegas. To say I'd wish he'd stop is an understatement. I will no longer respond to his threads so that people who have no idea what the truth is between us can discontinue their speculation stated as fact. There are plenty of able minds and hearts here who can help. Link to post Share on other sites
reallyhotguy Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 So you feel that you're "ready" when you've met the right person, and not when you yourself are ready...? I.e., your readiness is externally driven...? Absolutely everything you know and do in this world is internally driven, so it doesn't help to think of it that way. You need to be receptive, but you also need to have something to receive. It is "meeting someone" after all. Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 I guess being able to prove to myself that I really could date a woman that I wanted, as opposed to one that wants me...so whenever I'm out, I'm beginning to notice that if I put a bit more effort into it, I could actually be somewhat successful... Well, when you're on a diet, you can still look in the fridge. But when you're on the bus, why run? Well, I love the emotional part of relationships...and things with that are great with her...we get along really well at the emotional level... I really am torn by this...hence the thread and thinking out loud on LS...I guess I'm still chasing after that floating on air feeling... My opinion is, don't throw the baby out with the bath water. That is to say, you can have that floating on air feeling, with her, just not all the time. You wouldn't be able to sustain it even if you had an endless supply of new! better! improved formula! women delivered to your door every day. Why? Because it's a supercharged state. Lots of lovely love hormones and other neuro-chemicals flood the system, making you feel good and present and alert, but at the expense of the day to day things like sleep and eating and work and such like. It's the same as dealing with a threat, except with some love-drugs thrown in to make it feel great. Eventually, you tire. It wouldn't be a supercharged state otherwise, would it? It would just be your normal state. Now, if you can modulate your emotions, and thoughts to be able to be a horny f*ck monster from time to time, and a cool, rational business man from time to time, and an easy going, laid back one-of-guys guy some of the time too, then you can fit it all in. Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 Another theory: perhaps u will always doubt the relationship and have this feeling, until u meet the right girl? You will always feel this way, until you STOP. Upon meeting the right girl. I do not believe in " the one", out of the whole world; there are, of course, lots of girls who could be totally right for you.... Perhaps when you meet a girl you want to change badly enough for, you WILL. You will make a thread saying " I lnow I want to be with this girl, how can I change things, she is worth changing for, without a doubt" Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 So.....who is reallyhotguy? I can't figure it out...somebody PM me plz Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 WRONG. I post in his threads for the same reason I post in other infamous posters' threads... it's pretty much trainwreck theory. Can't help but stop and look. Let's be clear here: There is absolutely no dancing around on my part. There is no reaching out on my part. There is no texting on my part. I have repeatedly asked him to not text me. He continues to do so, under the auspices of being drunk in Vegas. To say I'd wish he'd stop is an understatement. You were laughing at his jokes on here the other day, I think every woman that's old enough to vote knows that encourages attention from a guy. You're usually so honest and in touch when it comes to other women's problems but you aren't being honest about yourself in this case. Link to post Share on other sites
FitChick Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 I guess being able to prove to myself that I really could date a woman that I wanted, as opposed to one that wants me...so whenever I'm out, I'm beginning to notice that if I put a bit more effort into it, I could actually be somewhat successful... That's no guarantee the relationship would last or that you would be happy. What if this Perfect Woman dumped you? Link to post Share on other sites
zengirl Posted March 12, 2012 Share Posted March 12, 2012 SG is posting frequently in Hokie's threads for a reason. She gets worked up over things he writes for a reason. FWIW, I'd say SG is pretty much like that in most threads. It's just her personality. (I mean no offense, SG.) I have no doubt that in her mind, she was just presenting evidence that was pertinent to her point---whether it seemed 'fair game' to others is going to depend on their particular worldviews. But SG doesn't really treat Hokie any differently than anyone else, IMO, though. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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