FrustratedStandards Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 I think it has to do with the fact that none of the relationships measure up to the one you had with your ex (whether it your feelings toward her, the chemistry etc). So as soon as you get to a certain level that will determine whether or not it's good, it never is and you want to be single again. I think this might have to do with the fact that subconsciously you are looking for your ex in a new partner, and because you never find what you are looking for, you have this resentment and want to start over again. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 Perhaps, because u yearned for a relationship SO much - when i FINALLY got, what u wanted SO much....... It did not live up to your incredible expectations? If you want something BADLY, for a long time: when u get it, it may not live up to the ideal u had. Just another theory, probs wrong lol. ..... I never wanted a relationship, so when I found one, it worked? Who knows man..... U sound like a quality guy, so please, I urge to to find out what is holding u back:(:( It is quiet sad u cannot find true happines in a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author USMCHokie Posted March 9, 2012 Author Share Posted March 9, 2012 You don't owe her reciprocation of those feelings, and it's not doing either of you any favors for you to fake it or withhold the fact that you're not feeling it. Just be honest and keep going for what you want. You're only going to get better at it. Enjoy the adventure. I know I don't owe her anything...but I feel terrible because things always go so well (i.e., incredibly well)for a while, and then suddenly it's like a 180 for me...the past few girls I had dated were completely shocked when I ended things...I am genuinely interested in a relationship with them and definitely "feel it"...but once we get there, I suddenly lose interest...not in them, but in a relationship... Link to post Share on other sites
Author USMCHokie Posted March 9, 2012 Author Share Posted March 9, 2012 I think it has to do with the fact that none of the relationships measure up to the one you had with your ex (whether it your feelings toward her, the chemistry etc). So as soon as you get to a certain level that will determine whether or not it's good, it never is and you want to be single again. I think this might have to do with the fact that subconsciously you are looking for your ex in a new partner, and because you never find what you are looking for, you have this resentment and want to start over again. Hmmm, I honestly would have never traced all of this back to her...it's been so long, and looking back, it wasn't really that great of a relationship...it was just my first one...so perhaps it held special significance to me at the time...but now, not so much... Link to post Share on other sites
tornangel Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 Well dont get serious with any of them or lead them on. i feel this is more how my ex felt then me honestly. But he would come home to me then fight about something then go party with his friends and cheat on me. He was really insecure and needed constant attn to feed his insecurities. And he always thought there was something better out there. he had no self control at all. I dont know , but u really sound like u arent ready for anything serious. Or maybe u want love but u like ur space. I cant stand clingy people, and at times relationships are just tooo damn stressful. I like to do my own thing and dont wanna answer to anyone... Link to post Share on other sites
denise_xo Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 I know I don't owe her anything...but I feel terrible because things always go so well (i.e., incredibly well)for a while, and then suddenly it's like a 180 for me...the past few girls I had dated were completely shocked when I ended things...I am genuinely interested in a relationship with them and definitely "feel it"...but once we get there, I suddenly lose interest...not in them, but in a relationship... Maybe you simply don't want a relationship, at least not at this point in your life. As a fellow Sag () I identify. If I were to start life all over again, I would probably have avoided that frame for organising my life. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author USMCHokie Posted March 9, 2012 Author Share Posted March 9, 2012 Once again ( Fear of Commitment /Intamacy ) .. Mine stems from being hurt ... I think mine stems from a curiousity of whether I can do "better"...at least that's what I think about when the relationship becomes real...other women become much more apparent to me than before...I think it might be a serious GIGS issue for me... Link to post Share on other sites
betterdeal Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 Have you tried creating a bit of space between you? Once the honeymoon period wanes, it's easy to kind of be left wanting for something to do. Now, if when you were single your passion was finding a lover, you're kind of stuck: you have a lover, and your old hobby or passion of looking for a lover is in direct conflict with having a lover. Maybe ask for space. You may only need a day or two, but don't constrain yourself. Develop your other interests, and look towards developing the cerebral aspect of your relationship with your lover. Being able to cope with hiccups like this, and being able to fill your time when the hormones calm down, is what makes a healthy relationship last. Link to post Share on other sites
tornangel Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 But that is still a fear of commitment . Always wanting to find better. I do the same thing. But what is good enough ? And what are u trying to prove to urself? If these girls are nice , maybe ur just bored. Why wouldnt they be good enuf? U notice other girls when ur realtionship becomes official? Hmmm. that sounds to me like u want what u maybe cant get . always a challenge ... Link to post Share on other sites
FrustratedStandards Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 I think mine stems from a curiousity of whether I can do "better"...at least that's what I think about when the relationship becomes real...other women become much more apparent to me than before...I think it might be a serious GIGS issue for me... Do you think maybe you just don't want commitment? Maybe that's why this overwhelming desire to be single is present anytime it becomes "official". Maybe "official" scares you in a sense. It could be because you don't want it with this particular girl, or maybe you do want the girl but you don't like the idea of committing to her so much. Link to post Share on other sites
Author USMCHokie Posted March 9, 2012 Author Share Posted March 9, 2012 Well dont get serious with any of them or lead them on. I wish I could do this...and I'll probably sound like a douche for saying this, but I seem to be such a great guy (although certain individuals will vehemently disagree with this...) that the girl always wants to make it serious...no joke...that's what happened with the girl I'm dating now...what started out as something that neither of us expected turned into a casual "let's have fun" fling and then into a "I'd consider moving to be with you"...she lives 1500 miles away...and is *ahem* 18 years older than me... So I just end up going along for the ride... Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 Framing your problems as being the result of the location of the stars in the sky when you were born is just silly, IMO. You're insecure. That hasn't changed. Upon meeting and "catching" each new girl/woman who shows interest in you, you get a boost to your ego. You lose interest once you catch them because you need constant reassurance/validation that you're universally desireable, which you can't get from staying with one woman, but having dalliances with many. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author USMCHokie Posted March 9, 2012 Author Share Posted March 9, 2012 Have you tried creating a bit of space between you? There's 1500 miles between us...and 18 years...heh... Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 I wish I could do this...and I'll probably sound like a douche for saying this, but I seem to be such a great guy (although certain individuals will vehemently disagree with this...) that the girl always wants to make it serious...no joke...that's what happened with the girl I'm dating now...what started out as something that neither of us expected turned into a casual "let's have fun" fling and then into a "I'd consider moving to be with you"...she lives 1500 miles away...and is *ahem* 18 years older than me... So I just end up going along for the ride... I think you either think too much of yourself or have confirmation bias. I can pull several threads and emails where you talk about a girl you were into that didn't return the affection, and thus did NOT want to make it serious. You also lead these women on. THAT is what's douchey. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 I know I don't owe her anything...but I feel terrible because things always go so well (i.e., incredibly well)for a while, and then suddenly it's like a 180 for me...the past few girls I had dated were completely shocked when I ended things...I am genuinely interested in a relationship with them and definitely "feel it"...but once we get there, I suddenly lose interest...not in them, but in a relationship... Then why not just be honest up front and tell the woman you want to take things slow and not rush into a relationship? Whether she wants to continue with you, given that, is up to her. And you give yourself time to evaluate the situation and see how you feel. If you're not feeling it, you can end it with nothing to feel guilty about. Link to post Share on other sites
FrustratedStandards Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 Framing your problems as being the result of the location of the stars in the sky when you were born is just silly, IMO. You're insecure. That hasn't changed. Upon meeting and "catching" each new girl/woman who shows interest in you, you get a boost to your ego. You lose interest once you catch them because you need constant reassurance/validation that you're universally desireable, which you can't get from staying with one woman, but having dalliances with many. Good observation. It makes a lot of sense. Link to post Share on other sites
FrustratedStandards Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 I think you either think too much of yourself or have confirmation bias. I can pull several threads and emails where you talk about a girl you were into that didn't return the affection, and thus did NOT want to make it serious. Maybe that's why every time it heads toward serious, he automatically wants to be single again. It could be his defence mechanism that developed overtime because of those experiences. Link to post Share on other sites
Author USMCHokie Posted March 9, 2012 Author Share Posted March 9, 2012 I think you either think too much of yourself or have confirmation bias. I can pull several threads and emails where you talk about a girl you were into that didn't return the affection, and thus did NOT want to make it serious. I never dated that girl. I actually never even went on a date with her. I only speak of the ones that gave me a chance and got to know me in a romantic sense. And besides, you know I don't think very much of myself... You also lead these women on. THAT is what's douchey. Well, I don't know that I do it purposefully. At the beginning, I'm genuinely interested, so I do what feels natural. But when I reach this current point, then yes, I do end up leading them on and making them think that I am as interested in the relationship as they are... Link to post Share on other sites
FrustratedStandards Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 USMChokie, this all might be your brain's way of avoiding rejection before it happens. Given the experiences with your previous girlfriend's not reciprocating your feelings, your brain has learnt to avoid this behaviour altogether. So once things head in that direction, you have this strong urge to get out of it because in a sense, you are expecting this rejection. Link to post Share on other sites
Author USMCHokie Posted March 9, 2012 Author Share Posted March 9, 2012 Then why not just be honest up front and tell the woman you want to take things slow and not rush into a relationship? Whether she wants to continue with you, given that, is up to her. And you give yourself time to evaluate the situation and see how you feel. If you're not feeling it, you can end it with nothing to feel guilty about. Because I do want to enter into a relationship with them...so at the time, nothing feels rushed or forced...instead, it all feels quite natural and right...and then boom, enter freight train... Link to post Share on other sites
tornangel Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 if u dont think much of urself , ur just projecting it on these random women u cant commit to because of ur own insecurities. It has absolutely NOTHING to do with these girls and EVERYTHING to do with u... U need to start working on ur own issues ALONE, 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 Because I do want to enter into a relationship with them...so at the time, nothing feels rushed or forced...instead, it all feels quite natural and right...and then boom, enter freight train... You DO? With this woman, didn't you specifically say that you did NOT want a relationship and did NOT want it to get serious? But that you knew she was really into you? And now you find yourself in a relationship you don't want and you're acting surprised? You knew this from the get go. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 if u dont think much of urself , ur just projecting it on these random women u cant commit to because of ur own insecurities. It has absolutely NOTHING to do with these girls and EVERYTHING to do with u... U need to start working on ur own issues ALONE, Ding, ding, ding. Link to post Share on other sites
tornangel Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 I think u should not date anyone serious for awhile until u have a good relationship with urself . Just my opinion. Just hang out with them. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted March 9, 2012 Share Posted March 9, 2012 if u dont think much of urself , ur just projecting it on these random women u cant commit to because of ur own insecurities. It has absolutely NOTHING to do with these girls and EVERYTHING to do with u... U need to start working on ur own issues ALONE, Yeah, it sounds right in theory. But people and life are far from perfect, and it's through relationships that we are forced to evaluate ourselves closely and grow the most. This is why I think the best thing you can do is be honest with people about who you are. Then they can choose whether to get involved with you or not, and you have full integrity and no guilt. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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