Why do I feel worse?

[Simon Phoenix]

Obviously I shouldn't care what she thinks of me, but I'd honestly love to know. Does she think I'm the a-hole in all of this? I don't know what her reaction would be if I reached out to her first. It would either be "Leave me alone you jerk. I got rid of you for a reason" or "Hi" or something else. The possibilities are endless. So curious.

 

The only way you are the a-hole in this is if allow your fantasies to become reality and you pester her. I mean, dude, she cheated on you. If she somehow thought you were an *******, that's an incrimination on her. Someone who thinks that you are an ******* when they cheated on you isn't someone who's opinion means anything.

 

I realize you are heartbroken, but I just can't wrap my mind around why you have this particular mindset. It makes literally no sense. I've had one girl cheat on me (that I know about) and even though I was devastated, the last thing I cared about was her perspective on it. I was so angry with her I couldn't even imagine begging and pleading with her. I had a hard time not ripping her apart verbally and psychologically.

[MyAngel]

I want to contact too but I won't. I'm strong enough to know that I won't. But the urge is like a heavy weight in my stomach. I miss her so much today, just when I thought I was doing better!

 

Fight the urge to contact. Wait for it to pass. Repeat.

[na49]

dude your self esteem is crap. so is mine post-breakup, so i can relate. but you need to fix your own issues before attempting to be in ANY relationship again. as do i. but you must try to realize this. you're very needy.

 

when i was in my relationship my self-esteem was pretty good. i tried breaking up with her twice early on b/c SHE was too needy and smothering me, and i had zero other options, but i just felt bad that my attraction level wasn't close to where hers was. i have threads on here, asking advice about breaking up with the ex that has destroyed me, asking LS whats the best way to break up with her without hurting her too much. i truly didn't want to be with her.

 

now, my self esteem is in the toilet, and she's on this massive pedestal and has ripped my heart out. i feel like the world has ended and i need her. i get where you're coming from. but i guarantee you if you were getting attractive (more attractive) women left and right that were really sweet and caring, who really wanted to get to know you and liked you, you would NOT feel like this towards your ex. neither would i. but a part of both of us feel, sadly, that that was as good as we can get. that i'll never get someone i'm as attracted to as her. she was a fox...a really feminine girl who was equally cute as she was sexy. it was crazy. not only that she did everything for me early on. and she was kinky to boot (public sex initiated by her, me showing up to her house and she answers the door in lingerie, etc etc). but that's a legit fear of mine now, which is irrational. that i'll never get better. it's our self esteem though bud. fix that, attract equally/more attractive (personality too) girls and you'll be laughing how much you pined for her post breakup.

 

Damn I wish I had a girl as sexy as that. My ex was a freak. She wanted it in the butt, she wanted to have sex without condoms (umm babies already? ain't nobody got time for that!), and some other disgusting stuff that I just don't want to get into.

 

ANYWAY. You are right. My confidence is nowhere to be found. It's been lost for three months now and I haven't been able to find it. Having her just made everything else so easy. I was able to relax so much more knowing that I had someone and didn't need to go looking for better. I figured she wouldn't go looking for better either. So now I'm having trouble with meeting people. (well once I go back to school I will) I just don't have the courage to go up to a girl I don't know and start a conversation with her because I'm afraid of being judged. Not even just girls, I'm afraid of being judged by anyone. I know I have to change, but how can I convince myself to not care and just do me?

[Simon Phoenix]

Hell, I almost wish my last ex would have cheated on me (not really, it would have sucked). But that would have allowed me to break it off emotionally with no regrets or hangovers.

[na49]

The only way you are the a-hole in this is if allow your fantasies to become reality and you pester her. I mean, dude, she cheated on you. If she somehow thought you were an *******, that's an incrimination on her. Someone who thinks that you are an ******* when they cheated on you isn't someone who's opinion means anything.

 

I realize you are heartbroken, but I just can't wrap my mind around why you have this particular mindset. It makes literally no sense. I've had one girl cheat on me (that I know about) and even though I was devastated, the last thing I cared about was her perspective on it. I was so angry with her I couldn't even imagine begging and pleading with her. I had a hard time not ripping her apart verbally and psychologically.

 

It probably has something to do with this also being my first relationship. So it's not like I have any other past relationships to look at. So when I think about relationships that I've had, this is the only one that I think of.

 

She's the type of person, I honestly don't know if she's sorry for what she did at all. I don't know if she even thinks what she did was wrong. She obviously must not be regretting it. It's frustrating to me that someone can think this way because they hurt me so much.

[Simon Phoenix]

It probably has something to do with this also being my first relationship. So it's not like I have any other past relationships to look at. So when I think about relationships that I've had, this is the only one that I think of.

 

She's the type of person, I honestly don't know if she's sorry for what she did at all. I don't know if she even thinks what she did was wrong. She obviously must not be regretting it. It's frustrating to me that someone can think this way because they hurt me so much.

 

If she was regretting it, you'd be the last person she'd tell. Either way, whether or not she regrets it doesn't matter at all and doesn't take away what she did.

[na49]

If she was regretting it, you'd be the last person she'd tell. Either way, whether or not she regrets it doesn't matter at all and doesn't take away what she did.

 

Really? Well would she tell me eventually? I'd love to know that she is regretting it. From what I saw on her twitter feed, I doubt that she is though. She's retweeting his tweets and has enough love quotes to write a book.

[Simon Phoenix]

Really? Well would she tell me eventually? I'd love to know that she is regretting it. From what I saw on her twitter feed, I doubt that she is though. She's retweeting his tweets and has enough love quotes to write a book.

 

No, if you were ever to hear it would probably be through another source (a mutual friend or acquaintance). But dude, you really need to stop wondering about this. It has no value in your life. And stop following her Twitter.

[na49]

No, if you were ever to hear it would probably be through another source (a mutual friend or acquaintance). But dude, you really need to stop wondering about this. It has no value in your life. And stop following her Twitter.

 

I haven't followed her twitter. Last time I looked was Sunday when I had my minor setback. It looked pretty much the same as it did two months ago. Lots of love tweets. Lots of his tweets. Lots of conversations with him. She's over me. I freaking hate it though.

 

I know I need to stop wondering about it. but are you telling me you wouldn't enjoy hearing from an ex who cheated that they regretted their decision?

[Simon Phoenix]

I haven't followed her twitter. Last time I looked was Sunday when I had my minor setback. It looked pretty much the same as it did two months ago. Lots of love tweets. Lots of his tweets. Lots of conversations with him. She's over me. I freaking hate it though.

 

I know I need to stop wondering about it. but are you telling me you wouldn't enjoy hearing from an ex who cheated that they regretted their decision?

 

Wouldn't care less.

[Hopeful714]

I'm feelin for ya NA49. Being cheated on messes with your mind. It makes you feel worthless and then you have no self esteem. I know...been there...I am still there on days.

 

But like everyone says...she cheated. What she did wasn't right. If she broke up with you, then went out with the other dude...ok...you would still be hurt but it would be different. But she didn't...she cheated....and that's real crappy. Cuz she didn't give a shi* about your feelings. Don't you think there is something wrong with someone like that?

 

I don't know how she feels, obviously she was blowin up your phone but I think it was more because she was playing games and into drama instead of really wanting you back and a serious relationship. Her comments on twitter reinforce this...its all still games. Did you ever even get a heart felt apology from this chick? I have a feeling she does want you to fight for her but only so she can turn you down and cut you up more. But really, shouldn't it be the cheater to beg YOU back? Honestly, nothing about this sounds good. She seems messed up...not genuine. If the NC is bothering her its because she's not getting her way. You are teaching her a lesson....that some people won't take her cheating crap!

 

I hurt just like you. Just like everyone else on here, but you gotta keep remembering you did nothing wrong, and there's nothing wrong with you. You just got messed up with a messed up chick. She's eventually gonna screw this new guy over too...just watch. And if you do run into her at school chin up man, chin up!!...don't look her way and keep walkin. You owe her nothing. Be indifferent, ACT like your back to your happy self. Even if your dying inside...its the best revenge

[na49]

Not knowing her intentions drive me crazy. Not knowing what she wanted to talk to me about drives me crazy. Not knowing what she's thinking of me drives me crazy. I know I shouldn't want to give this person another chance. I was just so into her (the old her) that I hate myself for it now. She really does have a lot of problems. I looked past all of them. I wanted to help her through them. I loved her so much, I didn't care about all of that baggage.

 

I thought I was supportive of her, but she apparently felt otherwise. Even told her friends that I wasn't. (the friend that told me she cheated on me told me what she was saying about me, and she thought I wasn't supportive...? she also didn't like how I was concerned about her when she was sick. She thought I was being annoying. Meanwhile, while we're hanging out at her dorm, she's nursing me and even wants to give me all of this different medicine so I feel better. Me texting you to see your okay is no good. You trying to give me medicine and acting like my mom is fine though? what?

 

When I think of what she did, and how I really didn't matter in any of it. It makes me hate her again, which is what I want. I just hate how she gets to go on, feeling great about herself. With all of her great new friends. Writing all about how she wants true love and all of her ex boyfriends are jerks and this "I should've never trusted you" BS. It annoys me so much lol. I hate these spurts that I have. I didn't have one for a few days and it comes back now all of a sudden.

[cavalier99]

I actually don't have any fantasies. I still have visions of the two of us together in the future, but there are absolutely no fantasies of the situation that would cause us to reunite. Haven't been able to imagine that one.

 

I dont have fanatasies of getting back together either. They are more like how ill look act behave if i ever see her again and we talk.

[cavalier99]

Not knowing her intentions drive me crazy. Not knowing what she wanted to talk to me about drives me crazy. Not knowing what she's thinking of me drives me crazy. I know I shouldn't want to give this person another chance. I was just so into her (the old her) that I hate myself for it now. She really does have a lot of problems. I looked past all of them. I wanted to help her through them. I loved her so much, I didn't care about all of that baggage.

 

I thought I was supportive of her, but she apparently felt otherwise. Even told her friends that I wasn't. (the friend that told me she cheated on me told me what she was saying about me, and she thought I wasn't supportive...? she also didn't like how I was concerned about her when she was sick. She thought I was being annoying. Meanwhile, while we're hanging out at her dorm, she's nursing me and even wants to give me all of this different medicine so I feel better. Me texting you to see your okay is no good. You trying to give me medicine and acting like my mom is fine though? what?

 

When I think of what she did, and how I really didn't matter in any of it. It makes me hate her again, which is what I want. I just hate how she gets to go on, feeling great about herself. With all of her great new friends. Writing all about how she wants true love and all of her ex boyfriends are jerks and this "I should've never trusted you" BS. It annoys me so much lol. I hate these spurts that I have. I didn't have one for a few days and it comes back now all of a sudden.

 

Time to break out that trustworthy rubber band and put it on you wrist. Snap it when you start obsessing and tell your self "STOP" "I DON'T CARE".

 

Then redirect your thought and do some other positive affirmations..I'm happy, I'm indifferent to her, I'm confident and attractive to women ecetera.

 

Helps me some.

[Simon Phoenix]

I dont have fanatasies of getting back together either. They are more like how ill look act behave if i ever see her again and we talk.

 

That would be interesting. She was cold, annoyed, acting jilted the last time the first day we hung out and then somewhat normal the second day. Didn't hug me the first day but hugged me the second day. I was pretty much normal. Now, I'm wondering if it'd be the reverse.

[cavalier99]

That would be interesting. She was cold, annoyed, acting jilted the last time the first day we hung out and then somewhat normal the second day. Didn't hug me the first day but hugged me the second day. I was pretty much normal. Now, I'm wondering if it'd be the reverse.

 

When was this? Soon after BU?

[Simon Phoenix]

When was this? Soon after BU?

 

Six weeks or so. I tried to text/call to hang out and discuss (not overbearing, but 5-6 times in a two-week span. She agreed once, then canceled) for two weeks, went on vacation for two weeks, then talked to her about a week before we hung out via text which seemed to go well. She invited me to an event (she's the head season ticket salesperson for a professional sports team where I live) that I couldn't attend. But once we hung out (her, her sister, my buddy) it was the alien ice queen.

[cavalier99]

Six weeks or so. I tried to text/call to hang out and discuss (not overbearing, but 5-6 times in a two-week span. She agreed once, then canceled) for two weeks, went on vacation for two weeks, then talked to her about a week before we hung out via text which seemed to go well. She invited me to an event (she's the head season ticket salesperson for a professional sports team where I live) that I couldn't attend. But once we hung out (her, her sister, my buddy) it was the alien ice queen.

 

Hmmm. So it didn't mess with you? Why did you want to see her? To prove to yourself you were over her? We are talking about you ex right? Not one of your dates?

 

The only reason id want to see my ex in the future is to affirm to myself I'm over her. And i think that may be quite a while if ever until I trust myself to do that.

Edited January 11, 2013 by cavalier99

[Simon Phoenix]

Hmmm. So it didn't mess with you? Why did you want to see her? To prove to yourself you were over her? We are talking about you ex right? Not one of you dates?

 

Yeah, this was the ex and several months ago before I went NC. It was prearranged before we broke and I thought I could do my thing and get her back at that point. I was happy as hell to be seeing her, not trying to avoid it. Plus they were tickets to two separate baseball games involving my favorite team that were three rows behind home plate. She could have throw bowie knives at me and I probably would have tolerated it

 

That being said, of course it sucked when she was all cold (except for the couple of times she'd break character and laugh or smile at something I said). But I figured it might be a possibility and it was better to just act normal and unaffected by it than to either a) try to fight through it by being really flirty or b) called her out and made things even more uncomfortable. I faked it and played normal, even slightly smug. It also helped that I had my friend there, so I could just talk to him (he was probably more weirded out by her attitude because he said he had never seen her act the way she was acting).

 

The second game was better. She volunteered to sit in the back seat with me on the way to the game, we actually talked somewhat normally (though still with a little bit of tension). But yeah, I was still in "gotta get her back" mode.

[na49]

Another day of thoughts in my head. What is she up to? Does she know that I've blocked her number? What does she think of it? When does she think of me? Will she ever try to contact me again? What will she say to me? Will I see her next semester at all? Do I mean anything to her? Is she guilty for what she did?

 

what else is new though, honestly.

[cavalier99]

Snap you rubber band! SNAP and SNAP! Again until you have big red welt on your wrist!

 

Feels awesome Lol i love my rubber band. Ive been using a lot since i started like 4 days ago. It is my new best friend.

Edited January 11, 2013 by cavalier99

[na49]

HELP I want to text her. I was reading Coping's thread and feel like telling my ex that I miss her. I want to talk to her. I want to hear from her more than anything.

[cavalier99]

Snap snap snap snap snap snap snap!!!!!!!!!!!!

[cavalier99]

HELP I want to text her. I was reading Coping's thread and feel like telling my ex that I miss her. I want to talk to her. I want to hear from her more than anything.

 

You aren't going to text her and humiliate yourself. Hell she cant even respond to your text anyway. Lol

 

...Take a freezing cold shower...anything. urge will pass in a while.

 

You realize if you do call her you will be totally devastated and even more messed up than you are now.

Edited January 11, 2013 by cavalier99

[Jono85]

You aren't going to text her and humiliate yourself. Hell she cant even respond to your text anyway. Lol

 

...Take a freezing cold shower...anything. urge will pass in a while.

 

You realize if you do call her you will be totally devastated and even more messed up than you are now.

 

seriously. there are a grand total of ZERO stories on here of dumpees reaching out in the NC zone saying something like 'i miss you' to have the dumper hear this and want to get back together lmao. always ends in more hurt to the dumpee.

 

dumpee's just cannot patch up a broken relationship. unfortunately the power is shifted forever to the dumper, and they hold those keys. they just pretty much never use them..