Simon Phoenix Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 That's what I hope. I just loved having her. Walking to class together, having sex in her dorm room, cuddling some nights before I had to go home. Having her wait outside my class so we could sit outside and just talk once it was over. Damn.. writing about this stuff makes me miss it so much more.. I miss having someone. You'll find someone else. Someone who won't cheat on you and treat you like crap. College is a great time to be single. Having a girlfriend in college is doing it wrong Link to post Share on other sites
Author na49 Posted January 4, 2013 Author Share Posted January 4, 2013 I admit trying to juggle a relationship as serious as the one I was in, along with trying to make new friends and actually do well in school was a lot for me to handle. I know she's gone. I know she cheated. I know she's never coming back. I still have trouble dealing with it though. She was my first love so that could be a reason why I don't see myself loving someone else. I've only really loved her. Meanwhile she apparently goes through one guy after another like their nothing. She keeps the good ones around for moral support and throws away the bad ones. Hence why her ego is so big and she hates criticism. I never thought I'd still be so attached emotionally to someone who wants nothing to do with me and treated me the way she did. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 I admit trying to juggle a relationship as serious as the one I was in, along with trying to make new friends and actually do well in school was a lot for me to handle. I know she's gone. I know she cheated. I know she's never coming back. I still have trouble dealing with it though. She was my first love so that could be a reason why I don't see myself loving someone else. I've only really loved her. Meanwhile she apparently goes through one guy after another like their nothing. She keeps the good ones around for moral support and throws away the bad ones. Hence why her ego is so big and she hates criticism. I never thought I'd still be so attached emotionally to someone who wants nothing to do with me and treated me the way she did. You don't need to look for your true love. You are 18. Way too young for that. Just experience what life has to offer and grow. If a girl you love comes, then that's cool, but college is a time for personal growth. Link to post Share on other sites
fancy feast Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 Find whatever your favorite thing to do is. Xbox, snowboarding, watching The Dark Knight trilogy, fight a ****ing bear, whatever. Whenever you start to think about her, immediately start doing that thing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MyAngel Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 It sucks. I'm feeling much of the same, my mind goes over the same thoughts all the time. "Am I this worthless to you, did I mean nothing to you? How could you throw me away so easily? I thought you loved me" and it makes you feel so worthless thinking this stuff because YOU LOVED THEM SO MUCH AND WANTED A FUTURE WITH THEM and then they just up and leave? But ask yourself this: do you want to be sitting around, miserable and depressed, over someone that can walk out of your life so easily? No freaking way. Usually thinking like that gets me through some bad stages. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author na49 Posted January 4, 2013 Author Share Posted January 4, 2013 Simon- That's what I'd like to do. I obviously need to make changes in my behavior. Try to tell people "No" a little bit more, and just be more confident and less shy. It's really killed me to this point and the fact that I got so comfortable having my ex around, I figured as long as she didn't go anywhere I'd be happy. Well she left and had no problem doing so. Now I'm left with nothing. I am too young. I have an older brother and "true love" and finding "the one" are the last things on his mind. He's worried about finishing school and the job that he just got. He goes out with his friends a lot and just lives life. I want to be like that. fancy feast- fighting bears gets tiresome after a while. but I do like to play xbox. MyAngel- When I think of it that way, it does help me. It gets me angry at her which is the emotion that I want to feel towards her. I don't want to feel sadness and grief. Those only make me miss her, think of how "great" she was and hope that she'd call me. I can't lie. Yesterday my friend called me, he got a new number so I didn't recognize the number when I saw it. I was almost positive it was going to be her and felt disappointed that it wasn't. I guess blocking her number hasn't given me all of my sanity back. Link to post Share on other sites
MyAngel Posted January 4, 2013 Share Posted January 4, 2013 Keep thinking that if it will help you move on. Especially as you KNOW she is not sitting there pining over you. You're doing all the pining for both of you. How crap is that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author na49 Posted January 4, 2013 Author Share Posted January 4, 2013 It is definitely crap. I hate how her life didn't stop at all once she dumped me. Like I'm not worth crying over. Meanwhile my life has been on hold for 3 months now and I've been a heart broken wreck. It's been a week since I blocked her number and I've felt worse and worse since. Knowing that I won't hear from her just kills me. Knowing that she'll be loving college life without me and she's perfectly fine with it. It hurts so bad. Link to post Share on other sites
Hopeful714 Posted January 5, 2013 Share Posted January 5, 2013 I hear ya friend. And I am still going through the roller coaster of emotions myself after 4 months. But it is slooowly getting better. I know it will be quite some time before I will meet someone new and/or have deep feelings for someone again....if ever. My ex cheated too. And although like you, I sometimes linger too long on the "good" moments, you do need to remember the bad and what she did to you and how it made you feel. Many of us here at LS are aware of the "pedestal" that we tend to put the ex's on when we are having bad days. Lastly, you DON'T know what is going on with her. So don't think her life is all happy, happy, joy, joy because we all have our ups and downs. What ever problems she gave you in your past relationship are surely not all resolved and are somewhat if not fully carried over to her new one. As one of the great posts said, "Things are not always as they appear." Remember that. Keep working on you so you can be healthy and happy for the next person you meet. Believe me...I know its a steep mountain to climb and sometimes it gets overwhelming and you need to sit/break/cry but then get up again and keep climbing. We are all hurting...but in the process growing. She cheated, cheated, cheated. That's not good enough for you or me or anyone else here....we all can and will do better. Head up! Link to post Share on other sites
XKatieX Posted January 5, 2013 Share Posted January 5, 2013 (edited) NC hasn't been easy and I've been using this website as my diary lol. For some reason, I've felt worse since coming home from the movies last night. I saw Django Unchained (which is a great movie. I recommend seeing it if you haven't ) Anyway, I got home last night and felt like crap. I actually ended up crying concerning the breakup for the first time in over two months. My curiosity was killing me. I wanted to check her facebook. Check her twitter. Even wanted to message her. Just update myself on her life. I sat there and wondered who she was dating now. Was she still with the guy she cheated on me for? As far as I knew, he didn't even like her like her like she thought. Has she found another guy? How does she go from guy to guy so easily? Does she ever actually love them? Or just need to say that she loves someone? I felt like because I blocked her number and told her to leave me alone, I pushed her further away. She'll want nothing to do with me ever again. I'll be seen as this "bad guy" that I'm really not. Blocking her and telling her to leave me alone was for me. Not her. I don't know if anyone could heal when they get calls and texts late at night that say things like "I miss you" "We need to talk" Last week, I was feeling better than I am this week. Any reason? Or is it another example of the emotional roller coaster I'm on? Hold on. She cheated on you and YOU felt like you were the bad guy? Please get these ridiculous thoughts out of your head. You had every right to cut off contact and tell her to leave you alone. There are many deal breakers when it comes to relationships, but for me cheating is the first one. She's saying things like "I miss you," because she feels the guilt sinking in for what she did to you. I know you don't want to see it now, but you deserve better. If someone truly loved you they would never, ever cheat on you. You can't have a relationship without respect and trust, and she broke these two things. This girl doesn't know what she wants, let her go. Edited January 5, 2013 by XKatieX 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author na49 Posted January 5, 2013 Author Share Posted January 5, 2013 Hold on. She cheated on you and YOU felt like you were the bad guy? Please get these ridiculous thoughts out of your head. You had every right to cut off contact and tell her to leave you alone. There are many deal breakers when it comes to relationships, but for me cheating is the first one. She's saying things like "I miss you," because she feels the guilt sinking in for what she did to you. I know you don't want to see it now, but you deserve better. If someone truly loved you they would never, ever cheat on you. You can't have a relationship without respect and trust, and she broke these two things. This girl doesn't know what she wants, let her go. I know I shouldn't. The bread crumbs texts she's sent me are still messing with my head though. I know I shouldn't want anything to do with this person, but there's a part of me that still wants her. The old her. and trying to figure out what all of her texts meant has been driving me crazy. I want to ask her so bad but am afraid what I'll hear. Link to post Share on other sites
XKatieX Posted January 5, 2013 Share Posted January 5, 2013 I know I shouldn't. The bread crumbs texts she's sent me are still messing with my head though. I know I shouldn't want anything to do with this person, but there's a part of me that still wants her. The old her. and trying to figure out what all of her texts meant has been driving me crazy. I want to ask her so bad but am afraid what I'll hear. You gave yourself your own answer. You want the old her, but that person is gone now. The texts aren't bread crumbs, they are ways for her to relieve her guilt. When you cut off contact with her, it made her realize she did something very wrong and that made her just feed off of the rejection. It's going to be hard, but you just have to tell yourself that this person is no longer the person that you once knew, the one that was loyal and faithful to you. Even if she does feel bad and regrets it, it's going to have to be a lesson learned on her part. Link to post Share on other sites
Author na49 Posted January 5, 2013 Author Share Posted January 5, 2013 You gave yourself your own answer. You want the old her, but that person is gone now. The texts aren't bread crumbs, they are ways for her to relieve her guilt. When you cut off contact with her, it made her realize she did something very wrong and that made her just feed off of the rejection. It's going to be hard, but you just have to tell yourself that this person is no longer the person that you once knew, the one that was loyal and faithful to you. Even if she does feel bad and regrets it, it's going to have to be a lesson learned on her part. She probably wants nothing to do with me besides relieving her guilt right? Constant late night calls/texts, texts on Christmas/Christmas Eve. I can't help but question her motives. I hope that it is a lesson learned on her part and that she feels bad for what she did. I just wish we could go back to what we had. I'd give almost anything to make that happen... She's probably never coming back though and would rather date new people than try things over with me. Link to post Share on other sites
XKatieX Posted January 5, 2013 Share Posted January 5, 2013 She probably wants nothing to do with me besides relieving her guilt right? Constant late night calls/texts, texts on Christmas/Christmas Eve. I can't help but question her motives. I hope that it is a lesson learned on her part and that she feels bad for what she did. I just wish we could go back to what we had. I'd give almost anything to make that happen... She's probably never coming back though and would rather date new people than try things over with me. It really doesn't matter what her motives are. She knew exactly what she was doing, so the texts are nothing more than guiltiness. And you honestly shouldn't want someone like that to come back. Even if she does date new people, she's just going to do the same exact things to them and no one is going to stick around with someone they can't trust. It isn't real love. Real love is when you give someone the best of you, your respect, faith, and trust and they give you the same in return. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author na49 Posted January 5, 2013 Author Share Posted January 5, 2013 It really doesn't matter what her motives are. She knew exactly what she was doing, so the texts are nothing more than guiltiness. And you honestly shouldn't want someone like that to come back. Even if she does date new people, she's just going to do the same exact things to them and no one is going to stick around with someone they can't trust. It isn't real love. Real love is when you give someone the best of you, your respect, faith, and trust and they give you the same in return. I'd just love to know... hearing it from her might help me know it's over. I hate not knowing what she's up to and I wish she'd try harder to reach out to me. I feel like unblocking her just to ask what she wants, but if I see she's with someone else I'll have my heart broken again. Just as it's trying to heal, I'd be ripping off the bandage and opening the wound again. I know I deserve better. She was my first love, so I'm not able to picture myself loving anyone else but her. It doesn't do anything for my confidence. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted January 5, 2013 Share Posted January 5, 2013 She probably wants nothing to do with me besides relieving her guilt right? Constant late night calls/texts, texts on Christmas/Christmas Eve. I can't help but question her motives. I hope that it is a lesson learned on her part and that she feels bad for what she did. I just wish we could go back to what we had. I'd give almost anything to make that happen... She's probably never coming back though and would rather date new people than try things over with me. You can't, so stop thinking that you can. It's over. The old her was a front. What she is now is what she has always been. But yeah, she cheated on you. Why does this not bother you? Why do you think it's OK for her to do that? Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted January 5, 2013 Share Posted January 5, 2013 I'd just love to know... hearing it from her might help me know it's over. I hate not knowing what she's up to and I wish she'd try harder to reach out to me. I feel like unblocking her just to ask what she wants, but if I see she's with someone else I'll have my heart broken again. Just as it's trying to heal, I'd be ripping off the bandage and opening the wound again. I know I deserve better. She was my first love, so I'm not able to picture myself loving anyone else but her. It doesn't do anything for my confidence. Dude, it was over the moment she let another dude's d--k into her vagina. Does she really need to tell you that? Do you need to watch her have sex with another guy? You have closure. Her cheating with you and not being with you is closure. You need to find a hobby. Go for a jog, hang out with friends, do something besides moping around and thinking about it and coming up with goofy scenarios in your head. And you need to work on your self-worth. You are pining for a cheater who doesn't give a crap about you. You are showing negative value right now. Link to post Share on other sites
suladas Posted January 6, 2013 Share Posted January 6, 2013 I'd just love to know... hearing it from her might help me know it's over. I hate not knowing what she's up to and I wish she'd try harder to reach out to me. I feel like unblocking her just to ask what she wants, but if I see she's with someone else I'll have my heart broken again. Just as it's trying to heal, I'd be ripping off the bandage and opening the wound again. I know I deserve better. She was my first love, so I'm not able to picture myself loving anyone else but her. It doesn't do anything for my confidence. I sympathize with you on the first love thing, it's not easy. With time it fades though, I actually have a bit of a crush on someone new, and it's pretty awesome I must say to feel that way again. But regardless you can't be ok with someone cheating on you. It is the most disrespectful thing anyone can do to someone. I do get the hard to accept it's over part, but she cheated, there's NOTHING else to explain in your case at all. If I could give you any advice though, your 18 just have fun. Maybe a casual relationship but don't get too invested in any women right now. Enjoy your freedom and have fun. I mean if someone amazing comes along maybe, but otherwise just enjoy your college years without being attached. Link to post Share on other sites
Author na49 Posted January 6, 2013 Author Share Posted January 6, 2013 The fact that she cheated does bother me. I guess I'm still shocked how someone could go ahead and do what she did and am almost in disbelief. I hate how some days I feel better than other days. I know I'm still young and most people my age aren't dying for a serious relationship. I was satisfied with my single life before I met her, now that I don't have her, I don't feel satisfied with it. I have so much more time to do things that I never could do before, but I don't enjoy it the same. Link to post Share on other sites
mike588 Posted January 6, 2013 Share Posted January 6, 2013 NC hasn't been easy and I've been using this website as my diary lol. For some reason, I've felt worse since coming home from the movies last night. I saw Django Unchained (which is a great movie. I recommend seeing it if you haven't ) Anyway, I got home last night and felt like crap. I actually ended up crying concerning the breakup for the first time in over two months. My curiosity was killing me. I wanted to check her facebook. Check her twitter. Even wanted to message her. Just update myself on her life. I sat there and wondered who she was dating now. Was she still with the guy she cheated on me for? As far as I knew, he didn't even like her like her like she thought. Has she found another guy? How does she go from guy to guy so easily? Does she ever actually love them? Or just need to say that she loves someone? I felt like because I blocked her number and told her to leave me alone, I pushed her further away. She'll want nothing to do with me ever again. I'll be seen as this "bad guy" that I'm really not. Blocking her and telling her to leave me alone was for me. Not her. I don't know if anyone could heal when they get calls and texts late at night that say things like "I miss you" "We need to talk" Last week, I was feeling better than I am this week. Any reason? Or is it another example of the emotional roller coaster I'm on? Yeah I felt the same way after my ex. dumped me for her ex. It took me a month or more to block her on Facebook cause I too was afraid of pushing her further away but afterwards was glad I did. I also had the rollercoaster of emotions....sad and crying one day then a few days later I felt better and though wow....I'm getting over her then bam...sad and upset all over again. It's perfectly normal and ok to feel this way...It's all part of the healing process. My advise is stick with strict No Contact...I know it's tough but it's the best way to heal and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
suladas Posted January 6, 2013 Share Posted January 6, 2013 The fact that she cheated does bother me. I guess I'm still shocked how someone could go ahead and do what she did and am almost in disbelief. I hate how some days I feel better than other days. I know I'm still young and most people my age aren't dying for a serious relationship. I was satisfied with my single life before I met her, now that I don't have her, I don't feel satisfied with it. I have so much more time to do things that I never could do before, but I don't enjoy it the same. Yep I am exactly the same way. Granted, with the BU and my injury at work my life was turned upside down in a matter of weeks. It gets more back to normal all the time, but it takes forever it seems like been almost 6 months for me now. It's funny, you were fine being single before never knowing how good a relationship felt, now without it life just seems empty I hate it, plus the pain lasts longer then the relationship did by far at least for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author na49 Posted January 6, 2013 Author Share Posted January 6, 2013 I'm just hating these feelings. I hate not exactly knowing what she wanted to talk to me about, and hate how there's no way for me to find out without potentially hurting myself more. You're right about that suladas, before being in a relationship I loved having money to spend on me. Now I feel guilty having as much money as I have with no one to spend it on. I spoiled the crap out of her, I always ended up paying for dinner (which she rarely ever finished ) A few hours ago I'm thinking to myself "Why do I feel any sympathy or want anything to do with a person who caused me so much pain and hasn't apologized" and now I'm sitting here wondering what she's up to, what she meant by this or that, and what I should have done differently to keep her around. I guess it's normal for me to feel like I'll never find love again, but I really don't see it. I feel like crap. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted January 6, 2013 Share Posted January 6, 2013 I'm just hating these feelings. I hate not exactly knowing what she wanted to talk to me about, and hate how there's no way for me to find out without potentially hurting myself more. You're right about that suladas, before being in a relationship I loved having money to spend on me. Now I feel guilty having as much money as I have with no one to spend it on. I spoiled the crap out of her, I always ended up paying for dinner (which she rarely ever finished ) A few hours ago I'm thinking to myself "Why do I feel any sympathy or want anything to do with a person who caused me so much pain and hasn't apologized" and now I'm sitting here wondering what she's up to, what she meant by this or that, and what I should have done differently to keep her around. I guess it's normal for me to feel like I'll never find love again, but I really don't see it. I feel like crap. You need to find some sort of diversion. Call up friends, go work out, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
Author na49 Posted January 7, 2013 Author Share Posted January 7, 2013 I freaking cracked... looked at her twitter. Didn't spend too much time on it but I think I got my answer. She's happy with her life, so I'd best start being happy with mine. She's still going after that guy she cheated on me with. f*ck this. I know it's my fault. I couldn't hold it anymore. Hopefully I can just keep going and not dwell on this. Link to post Share on other sites
Missing Him Posted January 7, 2013 Share Posted January 7, 2013 We're all human - it happens. Just do what you can to move forward and make yourself happy! Link to post Share on other sites
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