Why do I feel worse?

[Simon Phoenix]

How I feel shouldn't have anything to do with how she feels. but I would feel better if she felt guilty and at least knew that she hurt me. I realize I'll never get an apology from her, she doesn't think she did anything wrong apparently. (how annoying..)

 

I go back in two weeks. Working like I did today helps me to take my mind off of things for a little while. I'm sure going back will help me, as long as I don't walk around scared of seeing her. Which I feel like will still happen. The thought of seeing her with her friends, maybe her new guy all sitting around laughing just sucks. I'm hoping I won't see her. The longer I go without seeing her, the better I feel. I had a setback earlier this week when I saw the pictures of her and her friends.

 

Honestly this really doesn't matter at all. You are focusing on the wrong thing here. An apology doesn't take away what she did and knowing your state throughout this whole thing thus far, you might misinterpret that has her trying to reconcile. Honestly, it's probably best for you not to get the apology, at least right now. Maybe in several months when you don't care it would be a good thing.

[na49]

Honestly this really doesn't matter at all. You are focusing on the wrong thing here. An apology doesn't take away what she did and knowing your state throughout this whole thing thus far, you might misinterpret that has her trying to reconcile. Honestly, it's probably best for you not to get the apology, at least right now. Maybe in several months when you don't care it would be a good thing.

 

An apology that didn't end in reconciliation really wouldn't be a very good apology to me anyway.

 

I'm starting to wonder, what if I begged and cried more and didn't go NC as quickly as I did?

[suladas]

An apology that didn't end in reconciliation really wouldn't be a very good apology to me anyway.

 

I'm starting to wonder, what if I begged and cried more and didn't go NC as quickly as I did?

 

You'd get nowhere most likely. It doesn't matter even if she wanted to get back together, she cheated on you, you deserve better. She's not worth it, she treated you with such disrespect. And the phrase "if your ex wanted to be with you they would" comes to mind.

[na49]

You'd get nowhere most likely. It doesn't matter even if she wanted to get back together, she cheated on you, you deserve better. She's not worth it, she treated you with such disrespect. And the phrase "if your ex wanted to be with you they would" comes to mind.

 

I know I deserve better, I'm obviously not over her yet and would just love if we could give us another try. Apparently I would need for her to burn me again for me to understand she's no good. One time wasn't good enough for me. It's irrelevant now though. It's over, and coming to terms with that sucks more than I thought it would.

[Simon Phoenix]

An apology that didn't end in reconciliation really wouldn't be a very good apology to me anyway.

 

I'm starting to wonder, what if I begged and cried more and didn't go NC as quickly as I did?

 

Then you would have looked pathetic to her and she would have probably been a lot more harsh to you. Seriously dude, you need to find some sort of hobby or something to do to occupy your mind between now and going back to school. You are thinking way too much.

 

But really, consider this: She knows that she f--ked you over, even if she doesn't admit it. Do you think she'd have any respect for you if you cried and begged when she stabbed you in the back? Think about how you would feel if you treated someone like crap and they groveled to try to make you happy anyway. You'd find that person pathetic. So no, it would have been a tragic idea to do that.

Edited January 10, 2013 by Simon Phoenix

[na49]

Then you would have looked pathetic to her and she would have probably been a lot more harsh to you. Seriously dude, you need to find some sort of hobby or something to do to occupy your mind between now and going back to school. You are thinking way too much.

 

But really, consider this: She knows that she f--ked you over, even if she doesn't admit it. Do you think she'd have any respect for you if you cried and begged when she stabbed you in the back? Think about how you would feel if you treated someone like crap and they groveled to try to make you happy anyway. You'd find that person pathetic. So no, it would have been a tragic idea to do that.

 

I guess that's true. Seeing the crap she was writing on her twitter about how she wanted to be fought for must have got in my head.

 

Does she know that she f*cked me over though? I feel like she doesn't think she did anything wrong or screwed me over. I feel like she's under the impression that this was all my fault and that I was the one who messed everything up. How unfair is that? She tried convincing me that what she did wasn't cheating. I was like "umm... no" and she said "this is why we aren't friends :)" (it was through text, thus the smiley face to try getting under my skin)

 

Then two months later, she changed her mind and sent me those breadcrumbs texts trying to be "the bigger person" asking for us to be friends. Freaking hypocrite. I had another dream about her last night, but it was pretty much just us telling each other how much we hate each other and saying good bye after it. When I woke up from it, I was actually laughing before falling back asleep.

[cavalier99]

I have a rubber band on my wrist that I'm snapping when ever my mind starts to wander to her. I cant believe I'm doing this ..pathetic...but seems to help.

 

Also doing positive self talk a few time a day...in shower, when i think of her etcetera. Seem to up my mood.

 

I'm basically mind blocking her..seem to help. Doesn't mean I'm not mourning just not obsessing...at least trying not to. These hos don't deserve out thoughts.

 

Rock On!

[Chi townD]

I know I deserve better, I'm obviously not over her yet and would just love if we could give us another try. Apparently I would need for her to burn me again for me to understand she's no good. One time wasn't good enough for me. It's irrelevant now though. It's over, and coming to terms with that sucks more than I thought it would.

 

WHAT?!?! Dude, really? She cheated on you. Let people talk smack about you (probably laughed along with them), SHE talked smack about you. Pretty much told you, you were worthless. She did EVERYTHING just shy of sending you a pic of her screwing some guy and smiling at the camera while flipping you the bird.

[na49]

WHAT?!?! Dude, really? She cheated on you. Let people talk smack about you (probably laughed along with them), SHE talked smack about you. Pretty much told you, you were worthless. She did EVERYTHING just shy of sending you a pic of her screwing some guy and smiling at the camera while flipping you the bird.

 

Really where the hell as my self respect and dignity gone? If I asked 10 people if they want someone like that. 11 people would say "HELL NO!"

 

Sometimes the "i want her back" thoughts still surface even though I've gotten every ounce of closure I need. They are definitely getting better. I like to think the dream I had last night is a step in the right direction. I remember a few months ago having dreams about us happily together. Now it was just this funny dream where we are in what looked like my friends living room just walking around telling each other "I don't like you" in 500 different ways.

 

I'm trying to block her from my thoughts. Turn her into just some girl on campus who is doing whatever it is that she does and living a life that has nothing to do with me. I hope that once I go back to school, I join some clubs, join the gym and live MY life. I know it would piss me off if I found out she was going to the gym working on her. I'm sure it would bother her to see I'm trying to improve me. (even though that's not why I'd be doing it)

[Simon Phoenix]

It's good that your dreams are a bit more negative in tone when in dealings with her. That being said, maybe you should do what cavalier does. Any time you wonder if she realizes what she's done (WHICH DOESN'T F--KING MATTER), prick yourself with a thumbtack or something. Do something to get those stupid thoughts out of your head.

[na49]

It's good that your dreams are a bit more negative in tone when in dealings with her. That being said, maybe you should do what cavalier does. Any time you wonder if she realizes what she's done (WHICH DOESN'T F--KING MATTER), prick yourself with a thumbtack or something. Do something to get those stupid thoughts out of your head.

 

Well I'm not having the thoughts as much. So I guess that's a good sign. I realize whatever she's doing, she's not thinking about me. She's gone, she's been gone, she's done with me, we'll go through college living opposite lives. I realize that I'm moving on. It feels weird.

[na49]

Just got a call from a wrong number. Had an ounce of hope that it would be her. Meh

[cavalier99]

Just got a call from a wrong number. Had an ounce of hope that it would be her. Meh

 

When ever I'm not sure of the number occasionally ill also get that. It is just residual conditioning. I used to get hundreds of texts and calls. 95% hers and she got upset if i didn't respond in a semi timely manner.

 

Now i barley get any now except from a few friends and family. Ill leave my phone and check it hours later..and nothing lol

 

Hell I think you guys are my like best friends now. I don't talk to my friends about this any more. Who needs a call when we have a post!

Edited January 10, 2013 by cavalier99

[Simon Phoenix]

When ever I'm not sure of the number occasionally ill also get that. It is just residual conditioning. I used to get hundreds of texts and calls. 95% hers and she got upset if i didn't respond in a semi timely manner.

 

Now i barley get any now except from a few friends and family. Ill leave my phone and check it hours later..and nothing lol

 

Hell I think you guys are my like best friends now. I don't talk to my friends about this any more. Who needs a call when we have a post!

 

Yeah, it's more cathartic to talk to friends about it. I mean, between my ex's brother-in-law, two of my other best friends and my sister, I felt like I burdened them and got sick of discussing it with them. Though one of those friends asked me about it the other day (I hadn't discussed her with him since starting NC) and while I tried to keep it short, the conversation still kind of sucked and left me feeling kind of crappy afterward. Means that I'm not quite ready to have any contact with her I guess, not that I was planning to any time soon. I have a date tomorrow and I just hope I can give this girl a sporting chance.

[cavalier99]

Means that I'm not quite ready to have any contact with her I guess, not that I was planning to any time soon. I have a date tomorrow and I just hope I can give this girl a sporting chance.

 

Your doing good so definitely don't risk any contact with her. One of my best post breakup memories with a prior EX was when i went to lunch like a year after BU.

 

I didn't feel anything and couldn't believe i had been so messed up and in love with her. Everything that i found so cute before just seemed annoying and i wondered what i ever saw in her. She was fishing to see if i still had feeling and seemed disappointed i didn't. Even though she definitely wouldn't have gotten back with me.

 

I left that lunch soooo happy and free. One of my finest memories. I sort of fantasise about something similar down the road with this BU. Might never happen and not sure if i would risk it considering how bad this one messed me up.

 

Great job getting a date! Just have fun. It is good that your getting out there again. No crying on the way home or during dinner if it doesn't go well lol

[Simon Phoenix]

Your doing good so definitely don't risk any contact with her. One of my best post breakup memories with a prior EX was when i went to lunch like a year after BU.

 

I didn't feel anything and couldn't believe i had been so messed up and in love with her. Everything that i found so cute before just seemed annoying and i wondered what i ever saw in her. She was fishing to see if i still had feeling and seemed disappointed i didn't. Even though she definitely wouldn't have gotten back with me.

 

I left that lunch soooo happy and free. One of my finest memories. I sort of fantasise about something similar down the road with this BU. Might never happen and not sure if i would risk it considering how bad this one messed me up.

 

Great job getting a date! Just have fun. It is good that your getting out there again. No crying on the way home or during dinner if it doesn't go well lol

 

I've had a couple of others and I had a few random hookups right after the break. Nothing that has stuck though, not that that's rare -- that's how I operated even when I was completely unencumbered by feelings for someone else.

 

And I definitely won't cry if it sucks, actually only cried twice with the ex (luckily none in her presence), once when talking to my mom right after it happened and another time when talking to a female friend of mine about it in October (though I only teared a little and played it off).

 

But yeah, I won't have any issues if it doesn't work out. I'm more afraid that I'll want it not to work out if she doesn't meet the external ideal of what my ex is (attractive, smart, makes good money, funny). Not overlooking the bad parts of my ex, but I guess I'm more worried that i'll get preoccupied in finding someone that matches or exceeds my ex's positive qualities instead of letting what's going to happen happen. Whatever, it'll work itself out.

[cavalier99]

I've had a couple of others and I had a few random hookups right after the break. Nothing that has stuck though, not that that's rare -- that's how I operated even when I was completely unencumbered by feelings for someone else.

 

And I definitely won't cry if it sucks, actually only cried twice with the ex (luckily none in her presence), once when talking to my mom right after it happened and another time when talking to a female friend of mine about it in October (though I only teared a little and played it off).

 

But yeah, I won't have any issues if it doesn't work out. I'm more afraid that I'll want it not to work out if she doesn't meet the external ideal of what my ex is (attractive, smart, makes good money, funny). Not overlooking the bad parts of my ex, but I guess I'm more worried that i'll get preoccupied in finding someone that matches or exceeds my ex's positive qualities instead of letting what's going to happen happen. Whatever, it'll work itself out.

 

When you stop comparing and view things objectively you'll know your over it! Sounds like your close. Have fun... AND USE PROTECTION

[na49]

My friends and family are definitely tired of hearing about my BU so I don't bother talking to them about it. The last thing they heard was when I blocked her number. That's all they should hear really. Nothing else has happened since then.

 

I have visions of me being at the gym and some of our mutual friends seeing me and saying hi. Then they mention her and I go "umm... who's that? well I gotta go, this bodies not gonna work itself out. see ya later!" Then they go tell her and she gets really really angry and starts throwing stuff all over her dorm room crying herself to sleep, calling me apologizing telling me how guilty she is and how she hasn't been able to eat in days and has had no energy. The second part of the vision is unlikely, but the part of me at the gym can definitely happen. I really hope I go through with signing up once school starts. I could lose some weight and need more muscle.

 

For the first time today, while I was in the shower giving myself a pep talk (lol you're not the only one who does that cav) I said to myself "If I can get better from this whole thing.. maybe it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world" I'm really good at saying I'm going to do stuff. Actually doing it is where I have some trouble.

 

 

My phone went off again! Was it her!???!?!?!? was she calling me from her house phone to tell me how sorry she is and how she misses me?? Nope. Just my brother..

Edited January 11, 2013 by na49

[cavalier99]

I have weird fantasies too but I'm trying to stop these because i realize that even though im doing something good, like working out i want it to now be for me and not to impress her in my warped fantasy.

 

I think we need to shift our mindset and this is the tough part.

 

Glad to hear your showering. Lol

[Simon Phoenix]

When you stop comparing and view things objectively you'll know your over it! Sounds like your close. Have fun... AND USE PROTECTION

 

Right, we'll see if that happens. Last one was a lunch date where after a half-hour I was bored. For comparison's sake, the first time my ex and I hung out together exclusively (we had met two other times prior -- her sister's wedding to my friend and one other time with her sister, my buddy and a lot of her extended family after she had moved to my area) we spent the whole day together and weren't even close to being bored with each other.

 

Plus, I'm kind of superficial in some ways, which is bad especially since I'm a pretty normal-looking dude. I mean, I look beyond someone's looks, but when you get used to eating at a high-end restaurant, it's hard to go backwards. I'm an ******* for thinking that and it shouldn't matter, but it kind of does. Which is maybe why I'm usually single -- I'm just too damn picky. Funny thing is that my ex is the same with seeing the opposite sex as expendable after a while.

 

I generally haven't needed a girlfriend for happiness (and never even made it a priority, just went with the flow), but this last one sort of jumbled my mind up when it came to that. Even though the relationship was short, she was the first girl who I could imagine spending holidays with my family (she even asked to meet my family) and potentially getting married. Never has happened before and while I'm not dwelling on the specific visions of getting that attached to her, it makes me think that maybe I am capable and do eventually want something like that.

 

I'm in complete ramble mode and I apologize. Better to get it out now in this format though.

[Simon Phoenix]

I have weird fantasies too but I'm trying to stop these because i realize that even though im doing something good, like working out i want it to now be for me and not to impress her in my warped fantasy.

 

I think we need to shift our mindset and this is the tough part.

 

Glad to hear your showering. Lol

 

I actually don't have any fantasies. I still have visions of the two of us together in the future, but there are absolutely no fantasies of the situation that would cause us to reunite. Haven't been able to imagine that one.

[na49]

Well just when I thought the feelings of not wanting to contact her were gone. They're back! Maybe playing those fake scenarios in my head brought them back. I want to reach out to her. Ask her how she is. Find out what her opinion of me is. Maybe fish for some information relating to why exactly she thinks she's right about doing what she did. Reading other threads of people talking to their exes makes me want to talk to my ex.

 

I definitely still have fantasies and visions. I hate missing how she'd blow up my phone. It should have been annoying, but it wasn't. I felt so wanted when I was with her. Now I've been feeling like crap. Gah, then the image of her and her friends pop into my head and I feel sick. If seeing her and her friends messes with me this bad. I could only imagine if I saw a picture of her and another guy.

[Simon Phoenix]

Well just when I thought the feelings of not wanting to contact her were gone. They're back! Maybe playing those fake scenarios in my head brought them back. I want to reach out to her. Ask her how she is. Find out what her opinion of me is. Maybe fish for some information relating to why exactly she thinks she's right about doing what she did. Reading other threads of people talking to their exes makes me want to talk to my ex.

 

Those people also didn't have exes that cheated on them. Bad idea. Hell, my ex did nothing close to cheating on me and it'd be a bad idea for me to talk to her right now.

[na49]

Obviously I shouldn't care what she thinks of me, but I'd honestly love to know. Does she think I'm the a-hole in all of this? I don't know what her reaction would be if I reached out to her first. It would either be "Leave me alone you jerk. I got rid of you for a reason" or "Hi" or something else. The possibilities are endless. So curious.

[Jono85]

Well just when I thought the feelings of not wanting to contact her were gone. They're back! Maybe playing those fake scenarios in my head brought them back. I want to reach out to her. Ask her how she is. Find out what her opinion of me is. Maybe fish for some information relating to why exactly she thinks she's right about doing what she did. Reading other threads of people talking to their exes makes me want to talk to my ex.

 

I definitely still have fantasies and visions. I hate missing how she'd blow up my phone. It should have been annoying, but it wasn't. I felt so wanted when I was with her. Now I've been feeling like crap. Gah, then the image of her and her friends pop into my head and I feel sick. If seeing her and her friends messes with me this bad. I could only imagine if I saw a picture of her and another guy.

 

 

dude your self esteem is crap. so is mine post-breakup, so i can relate. but you need to fix your own issues before attempting to be in ANY relationship again. as do i. but you must try to realize this. you're very needy.

 

when i was in my relationship my self-esteem was pretty good. i tried breaking up with her twice early on b/c SHE was too needy and smothering me, and i had zero other options, but i just felt bad that my attraction level wasn't close to where hers was. i have threads on here, asking advice about breaking up with the ex that has destroyed me, asking LS whats the best way to break up with her without hurting her too much. i truly didn't want to be with her.

 

now, my self esteem is in the toilet, and she's on this massive pedestal and has ripped my heart out. i feel like the world has ended and i need her. i get where you're coming from. but i guarantee you if you were getting attractive (more attractive) women left and right that were really sweet and caring, who really wanted to get to know you and liked you, you would NOT feel like this towards your ex. neither would i. but a part of both of us feel, sadly, that that was as good as we can get. that i'll never get someone i'm as attracted to as her. she was a fox...a really feminine girl who was equally cute as she was sexy. it was crazy. not only that she did everything for me early on. and she was kinky to boot (public sex initiated by her, me showing up to her house and she answers the door in lingerie, etc etc). but that's a legit fear of mine now, which is irrational. that i'll never get better. it's our self esteem though bud. fix that, attract equally/more attractive (personality too) girls and you'll be laughing how much you pined for her post breakup.