Why do I feel worse?

[na49]

Yo NA. Did you read what i wrote? You might consider trying out the technique for a few days. Lol cav

 

I read everything that everyone wrote. I consider doing the rubberband thing but it seems like more trouble than it's worth.

[cavalier99]

Cool. Yeah..That isn't for everyone..i was more referring to the though squashing technique as it seems your main issue is letting you mind mull over this too much. Anyway..well get there eventually. One day well probably miss the pain we get so used to it. Lol....this is from a movie it think...Rock on!

Edited January 12, 2013 by cavalier99

[na49]

Right now I feel great. Miss her, but not really interested in finding out if she wants me back. I walked past my brothers computer which was logged into facebook and felt like looking up her profile. Then I ran really fast in the other direction.

 

I want answers. but I don't want to find out the answers to the questions that I have just in case they aren't the right answers.

 

If I didn't have that week long episode of late night texts, "I miss you, I want to talk to you" texts and random phone calls I think I would be in such a better spot than I am right now. Those just mess me up whenever I try to convince myself she doesn't want me. I tell myself "Well... what about when she said she missed you?" "What about when she said that we needed to talk and that she wanted to talk to me?" I wish I knew her motivation for those because they came AFTER the friend zone BS. So I have no idea...

[cavalier99]

Right now I feel great. Miss her, but not really interested in finding out if she wants me back. I walked past my brothers computer which was logged into facebook and felt like looking up her profile. Then I ran really fast in the other direction.

 

I want answers. but I don't want to find out the answers to the questions that I have just in case they aren't the right answers.

 

If I didn't have that week long episode of late night texts, "I miss you, I want to talk to you" texts and random phone calls I think I would be in such a better spot than I am right now. Those just mess me up whenever I try to convince myself she doesn't want me. I tell myself "Well... what about when she said she missed you?" "What about when she said that we needed to talk and that she wanted to talk to me?" I wish I knew her motivation for those because they came AFTER the friend zone BS. So I have no idea...

 

Yeah. I understand. I was also probably in a better spot before i got my nice bday email.

 

That is why we really don't want to hear from them at all. We don't recover as fast and we second guess. Either way it makes us stronger in the end. Just a speed bump in the journey to not giving a sh*t.

 

You need to convince yourself YOU DON'T WANT HER. Doesn't matter if she wants you. Flip the script on the self talk.

 

Actually don't use NOT in your self talk. Subconscious doesn't understand NOT. Better YOU ARE FREE OF HER AND INDIFFERENT.

 

This is the key to recovery along with NC.

Edited January 12, 2013 by cavalier99

[na49]

If only it was that easy. I want someone who loved me like she did. Someone who felt as happy to be with me as she did. Someone who looked past my flaws like she did. After I get done thinking these thoughts, I want her again! I know she's the only girl who was capable of loving me like that.

 

For a few hours, I'm like "f her I don't need her!" then for another few hours "I wonder if she wants me still... does she hate me? does she think of me? do I matter to her at all? does she know that I blocked her number? what did she think of me blocking her number? what do I mean to her right now? do i mean anything?" I realize it's been 3 months since the BU and she doesn't owe me anything. It's just hard to accept that she'll really move on. She'll really date other guys and like them more than me. and I know. I'll date other girls and like them more than her. That just seems so far away, and I need immediate gratification.

 

I wish she would reach out to me, but her reaching out to me is what put me into this hole. This sucks.. I really hope starting school and going to the gym will be a nice new beginning for me. Starting school almost like it's my first semester there even though it's my second. I don't really know anyone. I don't know what the campus has in store for me. Meeting brand new people and trying to improve. That's what I realize. That if I can somehow get better from this, it wouldn't be as bad. Getting better is the hard part...

[cavalier99]

It is that easy but takes time. STOP thinking of her when you do ....and eventually you wont.

[na49]

I tried that. I found that fighting with the thoughts of her made me want to think of her more.

 

The dream I had about her last night was kind of strange. We were both in what looked like a movie theater sitting away from each other. I was in the row in front of her, but for some reason I couldn't see the movie. So I had to move and moved to her row and there was one seat between us. She never looked over at me, never heard her voice or anything and she was focused on the movie although I looked over at her, it was like she didn't notice me. The movie theater wasn't packed either, there was hundreds of open seats.

 

pretty crazy. I know.

[na49]

I feel like screaming.. I was on facebook and because she's blocked, places she posts, I don't see. But I see that there are comments and I just can't see them. So whenever I see something like 5 more comments and click to see them and only see 4, I get so pissed. She's on facebook. She's posting on stuff, and it bothers me. Why does it bother me? Well for stupid selfish reasons, but it bothers the crap outta me.

 

I really need to let this go... the false hope. the letting the idea of her kill me. it's pathetic. She'd think I was so desperate and pathetic if I tried to reach out to her. She DOESN'T care about me anymore. She hasn't cared about me nor should she. Why is it so hard to accept that and just go on with my life?

[Simon Phoenix]

You are looking at this from the wrong perspective and you continue to. You keep idealizing the backstabber and keep trying to think of things from her perspective. That's why you are having such a hard time. You need focus on YOU. YOU YOU YOU YOU. Not her. That's what is tripping you up. She doesn't matter, you matter. Until you have some sort of self-worth and concern about you, this isn't going to get much better. She's a piece of s--t. You did your best. You did what you needed to do. It didn't work because it wasn't worth it, she wasn't worth it. Your self-esteem is awful right now, but you have to make the effort to improve it.

 

I know I'm hard on you and I seem unsympathetic and normally I'd be a bit more sympathetic, but you are still putting a cheater on a pedestal, which is completely unacceptable. It just pains me to see something like that because you didn't do anything wrong yet you are allowing it to eat away at you. She's the villain, you aren't.

 

YOU YOU YOU YOU. You can't control her, you have no idea what she's hinking and quite honestly, it doesn't matter what she's thinking. You are not going to get past this until you realize that you need to work on what you can control. And that is yourself. Put on your big boy pants and do it.

[na49]

You are looking at this from the wrong perspective and you continue to. You keep idealizing the backstabber and keep trying to think of things from her perspective. That's why you are having such a hard time. You need focus on YOU. YOU YOU YOU YOU. Not her. That's what is tripping you up. She doesn't matter, you matter. Until you have some sort of self-worth and concern about you, this isn't going to get much better. She's a piece of s--t. You did your best. You did what you needed to do. It didn't work because it wasn't worth it, she wasn't worth it. Your self-esteem is awful right now, but you have to make the effort to improve it.

 

I know I'm hard on you and I seem unsympathetic and normally I'd be a bit more sympathetic, but you are still putting a cheater on a pedestal, which is completely unacceptable. It just pains me to see something like that because you didn't do anything wrong yet you are allowing it to eat away at you. She's the villain, you aren't.

 

YOU YOU YOU YOU. You can't control her, you have no idea what she's hinking and quite honestly, it doesn't matter what she's thinking. You are not going to get past this until you realize that you need to work on what you can control. And that is yourself. Put on your big boy pants and do it.

 

I actually really appreciate how hard you are on me with this whole thing. I also appreciate you and everyone else putting up with my nonsense. I realize I'm being ridiculous, but it hasn't stopped me to this point. I don't want sympathy. I want to hear exactly what I don't want to hear so that it will be drilled into my skull and I can go forward. You're right, it is all about me.

 

I asked on our college forum about the gym. Not really to get any type of reaction or anything (not sure how that would work, if she would even be able to see it), I had a legit question on if it was free or not and how to sign up.

 

It would be nice for her to get wind that I'm going to the gym and improving myself just to throw it in her face that I'm going to keep living my life too and get better from this.

[Simon Phoenix]

It would be nice for her to get wind that I'm going to the gym and improving myself just to throw it in her face that I'm going to keep living my life too and get better from this.

 

That's not the reason to do it. Don't think like that. You are going to the gym for YOU, not to make a statement to her. You have to shift your thinking.

[na49]

That's not the reason to do it. Don't think like that. You are going to the gym for YOU, not to make a statement to her. You have to shift your thinking.

 

I really am going for me as hard as that is to believe. I do need to shift my thinking though. Nothing I do should be done with "ooo i wonder what she'll think of me if I do this!" in mind. I guess when you're so used to doing everything to get a reaction from her, it's hard not to. I really need to though. She doesn't do anything to try to get a reaction from me. She just does because I overreact to anything she does.

[cavalier99]

That's not the reason to do it. Don't think like that. You are going to the gym for YOU, not to make a statement to her. You have to shift your thinking.

 

This is essentially what I've also been trying to communicate. Shift thinking to I'm fine without her etcetera. She doesn't exist in my world (truth). Take back your power. Right now you are doing everything for her not for you. Flip it around..even if it is a lie at 1st.

[cavalier99]

I tried that. I found that fighting with the thoughts of her made me want to think of her more.

 

I think in the end with time we all (or most of us) wear ourselves down with all the thinking and we eventually sorta give up the fight and finally recover.

 

Nonetheless, it can take longer if you reinforce those thoughts which it seems like you are doing. I'm not advocating not thinking of her ..all I'm saying is make a conscious effort to shift these thoughts.

 

I mean the problem plain and simple is in our thoughts..its not like they are around anymore to cause pain. We do it.

 

And it doesn't seem possible to me that you could possibly think of her more than you do! Lol

[na49]

This is essentially what I've also been trying to communicate. Shift thinking to I'm fine without her etcetera. She doesn't exist in my world (truth). Take back your power. Right now you are doing everything for her not for you. Flip it around..even if it is a lie at 1st.

 

It is definitely a lie right now, but I will try my best to do that. I don't really want her much right now. Then a few hours later, you may see a post from me saying how I miss her. I hate how up and down this whole thing has been. It's all about when school starts. If I can make those positive changes, actually go to the gym, actually put myself out there, this will all be worth it. That's the attitude I have to try to have at least.

 

Now how do I get my confidence back...?

[LostOne1]

That's not the reason to do it. Don't think like that. You are going to the gym for YOU, not to make a statement to her. You have to shift your thinking.

 

What about a situation where you are doing something for yourself, but it's also happening to show her off as a bonus?

 

Meaning for example if you hit the gym and she hits it at the same time. But you run into each other. Wouldn't that be a bonus? Because you are working out for yourself, but then you run into each other and your able to show off how hard you are working out? BTW this is just an example and not something going on with me lol.

 

I guess I am saying there probably is a way accidentally to kill 2 birds with 1 stone. Eg. work out and put it in her face while doing it all for yourself.

[Simon Phoenix]

What about a situation where you are doing something for yourself, but it's also happening to show her off as a bonus?

 

Meaning for example if you hit the gym and she hits it at the same time. But you run into each other. Wouldn't that be a bonus? Because you are working out for yourself, but then you run into each other and your able to show off how hard you are working out? BTW this is just an example and not something going on with me lol.

 

I guess I am saying there probably is a way accidentally to kill 2 birds with 1 stone. Eg. work out and put it in her face while doing it all for yourself.

 

You shouldn't really care. If she's there and she sees you, great, but that's not something that should be important.

[na49]

No way! I don't ever want to see her at the gym, I know she doesn't work out, and I didn't join so I could run into her. Let her sit on her ass all day retweeting Taylor Swift quotes and cheating on her boyfriends. See how much I care!

 

 

...I care a lot

[MyAngel]

Every day is a struggle. I'm not doing so well myself. I'm right in your position of needing to move on for my own sanity but I'm still crying and loving this person that dumped me more than a month ago. Pathetic. They don't care. They've gone. They're not thinking of us. What a waste of time thinking of them is!! I'm so frustrated. Pathetic.

[Allumere]

G*d I'm just sick of these emotions. Same as you. Cant wait until we both post we couldn't give a sh*t for our exs.

 

When the hell do our brains totally catch up with reality and sluff this off as a battle we lost? Another 3 months, 6 months, 1 year?...god i hope not.

 

Its been almost 8 months and the emotions are just as strong...it does suck. Today has been rotten.

[Hopeful714]

Almost 5 mos here...and yea today did suck.

 

How bout we all try to have a happy tomorrow? Think positive?

 

I don't want to be angry and hurt anymore. I want to have an open happy heart so I can love and receive love again.

[na49]

I found that today I didn't miss her and pine for her as I did a few days ago. I was also semi-busy all day today though so I didn't have a lot of time to sit and think about her like I do now.

 

I don't want to be hurt over this either. I almost wish that she could disappear from my life completely without me having to go through all of this "moving on" nonsense, and making her not exist in my world. I just hate how I will always have to deal with possibly seeing her around campus and possibly seeing her with her new boyfriend, holding hands and doing all of the things that we did. Sex in her dorm... Bleh it sucks... I feel like if I see her with someone, the feelings will come back no matter how long it's been..

 

Someone convince me that isn't true. It can't be. I won't honestly be a freaking senior in college still having feelings for this witch right? ...right???

[Hopeful714]

Well? The positives here are that you are a senior, so only a few more months to go of campus "anxiety" lol AND, as of now...she has disappeared from your life completely!

 

Look forward to going back to campus life....what a playground of opportunity for you!

[na49]

Well? The positives here are that you are a senior, so only a few more months to go of campus "anxiety" lol AND, as of now...she has disappeared from your life completely!

 

Look forward to going back to campus life....what a playground of opportunity for you!

 

Not a senior yet. I'm a freshman in college lol. I'm saying when I'm a senior, am I really still going to be hung up over this witch? She'll be there for the duration (unless she flunks out or transfers which I wouldn't mind)

 

I should be looking at it as a playground of opportunity, I'm just so shy and have such low self esteem I can't look at it that way. I know "if you're shy, then talk to people" welp... it's not that easy.

[suladas]

I found that today I didn't miss her and pine for her as I did a few days ago. I was also semi-busy all day today though so I didn't have a lot of time to sit and think about her like I do now.

 

I don't want to be hurt over this either. I almost wish that she could disappear from my life completely without me having to go through all of this "moving on" nonsense, and making her not exist in my world. I just hate how I will always have to deal with possibly seeing her around campus and possibly seeing her with her new boyfriend, holding hands and doing all of the things that we did. Sex in her dorm... Bleh it sucks... I feel like if I see her with someone, the feelings will come back no matter how long it's been..

 

Someone convince me that isn't true. It can't be. I won't honestly be a freaking senior in college still having feelings for this witch right? ...right???

 

No you'll get over it. You're making the right decisions and it will help you for sure. I'm at 6 months and i'd say 90% of the time I couldn't give a sh*t about her anymore, seeing her does nothing, etc. And I made a TON of mistakes, like contacting her many many times, keeping her on FB, looking at her FB, and for months I kept hope of getting back together and that hurt me a ton. I think for me the toughest part was thinking it was a great relationship and not knowing if i'd find someone better or as good. You don't have that question at all because you know there is better women out there for you. Although I do wonder what I use to think about all the time, because I still think about her quite a bit just zero emotion attached and just think whatever.