Why do I feel worse?

[suladas]

Not a senior yet. I'm a freshman in college lol. I'm saying when I'm a senior, am I really still going to be hung up over this witch? She'll be there for the duration (unless she flunks out or transfers which I wouldn't mind)

 

I should be looking at it as a playground of opportunity, I'm just so shy and have such low self esteem I can't look at it that way. I know "if you're shy, then talk to people" welp... it's not that easy.

 

I'm not sure exactly what helped me, but going back to the gym dropping some weight my self esteem and confidence has went up like crazy. The gym clears your mind to. College is a great time, you have such a easy time to talk to and meet women. Being shy makes it tough, just have to go out of your comfort zone and make it happen. Just remember no matter how good looking the women are, they are still just another person and most likely happy to talk to you.

[suladas]

Oh and also I must say you have done a good job following the advice here. Much better then me, I haven't even followed my own advice a lot of the time.

[na49]

Sure I'm going to the gym. I have no idea what I'm doing though. I want to get in shape and maybe a bit stronger. Does anyone here have any tips?

 

I know I should be looking at it that way. It's really stupid to think that at 18 I'll NEVER love someone like I loved my ex. It's just that like I've been saying, she was my first love. She was the first person that I loved that way. So I don't have any other relationships to look at. So seeing myself loving someone who isn't her just doesn't seem possible to me.

 

Well. No real emotional thoughts about her right now. Hopefully it can stay that way.

[na49]

Snap me out of this. Posted something similar in Hopeful's thread.

 

I feel like I wasn't a good boyfriend because I never really surprised her. She always got me little things like candy, a souvenir when she went on vacation. (I haven't been on vacation, so how can I get her a souvenir?) She always gave me long elaborate cards that she would write essays in for our monthaversaries (yeah she was crazy with that stuff) She'd always be writing all over my facebook wall how much she loved me.

 

I never did any of that. Sure for major "events" I gave her gifts that were much more expensive. but otherwise, I didn't give her many gifts. Never surprised her with flowers or little things that she liked. Never gave her long lovey dovey cards with long messages. I didn't have much money, but the money that I did have I spent on her. (had money set aside that I spent exclusively on our dates and on her. I never let her pay for anything) I wasn't all over her facebook, liking everything she wrote. I wasn't writing all over her wall. I did it a few times, but never did it THAT much. Feeling down now. It was my first relationship so I guess I should cut myself some slack. I can't though.

[Simon Phoenix]

Very few people marry the person in their first relationship. Keep that in mind. And yeah, maybe you didn't surprise her. Turns out you were pretty smart in not surprising her considering what she did to you. You'll surprise the next one, and there will be a next one.

[cavalier99]

I sure hope SEAHAWKS lose after they destroyed my team and franchise quarterback. G*d i hate them

[LostOne1]

I'm not sure exactly what helped me, but going back to the gym dropping some weight my self esteem and confidence has went up like crazy. The gym clears your mind to. College is a great time, you have such a easy time to talk to and meet women. Being shy makes it tough, just have to go out of your comfort zone and make it happen. Just remember no matter how good looking the women are, they are still just another person and most likely happy to talk to you.

yeah I am a bit shy at times till I know the person and I open up. My goal now is to just talk to people and NOT be scared. I think starting this week this is what I am going to do. Just talk to strangers and be friendly and not give a crap if they don't want to talk or hate me for it.

 

I think it's time to stop being shy and just break out. The worst that can happen is a person says they don't want to talk to you. And it's easy to be nice and say hey I understand well hope you have an awesome day. And then let it go and be okay with it.

 

I sadly like NA49 have to see my ex a lot at school. Though I share no classes with her, I have ran into her and it can be odd. I remember seeing her and thinking I have to keep walking forward and pretend she is a stranger. I'd normally have seen her and walked to her with a smile and her smiling back and us hugging or just being happy to see each other. Now it's more like oh god why is she/he there. Because we both know we had something and we know we don't have it now.

 

It's disappointing, because if our relationship could be saved it would be amazing. Being at school again together and being able to spend time, which we couldn't earlier because we were at different school. Funny what life does to you sometimes and how it tortures you. Just when she thought I was out of her life and gone forever, that she would never see me again.

 

Well BOOM here I am back in her face. Sadly she's back in mines too. If we were still going out me at her school would have worked so well. I'd been able to hang with her during her breaks. I wonder if she thinks about that... knowing I'm there now and if she wanted to work it out we would've been hanging together right now. sad...

[cavalier99]

Go ATL...and i don't even like them. Lets forget about women..getting tired of them. I mean hey...football is on..WTF . Were beginning to sound like a bunch of pansies lol

 

..i didn't buy her enough gifts ect. She is at my school..f that for now!

 

WTF...football..playoffs!

Edited January 13, 2013 by cavalier99

[LostOne1]

Snap me out of this. Posted something similar in Hopeful's thread.

 

I feel like I wasn't a good boyfriend because I never really surprised her. She always got me little things like candy, a souvenir when she went on vacation. (I haven't been on vacation, so how can I get her a souvenir?) She always gave me long elaborate cards that she would write essays in for our monthaversaries (yeah she was crazy with that stuff) She'd always be writing all over my facebook wall how much she loved me.

 

I never did any of that. Sure for major "events" I gave her gifts that were much more expensive. but otherwise, I didn't give her many gifts. Never surprised her with flowers or little things that she liked. Never gave her long lovey dovey cards with long messages. I didn't have much money, but the money that I did have I spent on her. (had money set aside that I spent exclusively on our dates and on her. I never let her pay for anything) I wasn't all over her facebook, liking everything she wrote. I wasn't writing all over her wall. I did it a few times, but never did it THAT much. Feeling down now. It was my first relationship so I guess I should cut myself some slack. I can't though.

Your in my boat. Full time student and getting stuff can be hard. That's why I told her from day 1 I don't have lots of cash and I can't take you to fancy places. She was okay with it and then started to spend her cash.Well my ex was crazy. She ALWAYS bought me stuff and I would TELL her to STOP. I didn't have lots of cash being a full time student. But she wouldn't stop ever.

 

She would always say "my man deserves the best stuff in the world" or she would say she has no one else to call her own that I am everything to her and she wants to give me everything.

 

I always felt bad, because I WANTED to do the same for her, but I just wasn't able too. And she punished me for this saying I didn't appreciate her? I don't get that when I DID and I told her to stop spending money on me. I didn't like her spending all this cash on me.

 

Al I ever wanted from her was her love. Her hugs and kisses. I never wanted expensive jewellery, clothes etc... I always told her I JUST wanted her and nothing else. But she would fight with me saying no you HAVE me.. but I want to give you something else too.

 

And it hurts to know she blames me for it all. I mean how am I wrong? It's not like I used her and asked her to keep giving. I told her to stop on many occasions and she never did.. how am I to blame for that?

[cavalier99]

Huuuge catch!

[suladas]

Go ATL...and i don't even like them. Lets forget about women..getting tired of them. I mean hey...football is on..WTF . Were beginning to sound like a bunch of pansies lol

 

..i didn't buy her enough gifts ect. She is at my school..f that for now!

 

WTF...football..playoffs!

 

Never bought my ex a single gift, I don't think you need to unless it's a special occasion. There is plenty of other ways to show you care for them, but then again I spent a lot of time doing things for her. I wouldn't be with someone who expected gifts all the time. Even paying for dates was pretty much 50/50 i'm not interested in being with someone who can't pay their own way to.

[LostOne1]

Never bought my ex a single gift, I don't think you need to unless it's a special occasion. There is plenty of other ways to show you care for them, but then again I spent a lot of time doing things for her. I wouldn't be with someone who expected gifts all the time. Even paying for dates was pretty much 50/50 i'm not interested in being with someone who can't pay their own way to.

Yeah my ex did say that.. you can't even get me a simple $10 gift. I did for her bday but not on a normal day we would go out. I guess she expected it, because she kept BUYING me stuff. And I would say STOP! I can't afford the stuff you get me.

 

I wonder if she did it to keep me with her? Why else would she do it? Or did she really love me a lot that she felt she wanted to do it. But then why expect anything in return when you know the person can't return the same back yet.

[cavalier99]

Almost 5 mos here...and yea today did suck.

 

How bout we all try to have a happy tomorrow? Think positive?

 

I don't want to be angry and hurt anymore. I want to have an open happy heart so I can love and receive love again.

 

What do look like? Send me a pic instead of texting your EX. Lol

 

....kidding

[na49]

lol Lost, me and you may as well have been dating the same chick. Our exes both seem so similar. They had the disease to please. I actually got so tired of her buying me little things all the time that I looked it up and that's what it is. She'd buy little things for everyone, I guess it was because she was being nice. but how nice is she really? She can do what she did to her boyfriend with no problem whatsoever?

 

They probably are saying to themselves "I always bought him things and he NEVER got me anything in return" Well in reality, I did get her things in return, things that have more value and more use than candy or a post card that I threw away might I add. I'd love to know what she did with that expensive ass purse... whatever.

 

How do you measure love nowadays anyway? My ex probably thinks she treated me better than I treated her and I feel the opposite. I was so freaking loyal to this girl. I loved this girl. This girl was enough for me. I didn't want anything else. Now she's gone. Never coming back. Bleh it makes me sick. My phone rang earlier. was it her? was she calling me from another number? texting me using someone elses phone?!!?!??!?? Nope... it was just my dad.

[cavalier99]

Awww F*ck it. Im out for now. Keep on wallowing..done trying to snap you guys out of it for a bit.

Edited January 13, 2013 by cavalier99

[suladas]

I'm surprised this thread has gone on so long. Most others don't get near the responses. I don't mind, I know how rough it is and I have nothing better to do.

[LostOne1]

lol Lost, me and you may as well have been dating the same chick. Our exes both seem so similar. They had the disease to please. I actually got so tired of her buying me little things all the time that I looked it up and that's what it is. She'd buy little things for everyone, I guess it was because she was being nice. but how nice is she really? She can do what she did to her boyfriend with no problem whatsoever?

 

They probably are saying to themselves "I always bought him things and he NEVER got me anything in return" Well in reality, I did get her things in return, things that have more value and more use than candy or a post card that I threw away might I add. I'd love to know what she did with that expensive ass purse... whatever.

 

How do you measure love nowadays anyway? My ex probably thinks she treated me better than I treated her and I feel the opposite. I was so freaking loyal to this girl. I loved this girl. This girl was enough for me. I didn't want anything else. Now she's gone. Never coming back. Bleh it makes me sick. My phone rang earlier. was it her? was she calling me from another number? texting me using someone elses phone?!!?!??!?? Nope... it was just my dad.

yeah I feel the same way. My gifts meant nothing to her or she would say that SHE gave me more stuff as if she was keeping count. Last I heard she THREW away all my gifts in the garbage and ripped all my letters. She was mad that the stuff I returned to her ended up in her parents hands some how. They opened it and saw everything and yeah so I guess it pissed her off.

 

I guess these type of women are no good. They ACT like they are giving you stuff because they love you. But reality they EXPECT something back EVEN when your upfront and honest and say I can't afford much right now. I thought relationships were about LOVE and spending time together. Not about things we get each other, how much we get.

 

She thinks I used her or treated her badly or took her for granted for things she got me. She did it on her OWN terms. I never pressured or forced her EVER to get me anything. In fact she got mad I didn't pay for food. Then next time when I go to pay for the food she slaps my hand and my card away. And says she is going to pay. LOL it's like I can't win.. if I do what she wants I get screwed and if I don't do what she wants im still the bad guy....

[LostOne1]

I'm surprised this thread has gone on so long. Most others don't get near the responses. I don't mind, I know how rough it is and I have nothing better to do.

Well I'm online doing some school work and also just venting. If I don't vent I'll go crazy considering it's a Sunday and there is no school. So I have no where to go really.. my friend might invite me later for a few hrs.

 

But I guess I'm just fed up with life right now. Hate how it's unfair, but I know it is that way.

[na49]

We really can't win. I have no idea if my ex appreciates the things that I did do for her. I definitely did a lot. She did a lot for me too, but she also cheated on me and disrespected the crap out of me while I did nothing like that to her. She is the bad guy in all of this. Not me. Let her think of me as the bad guy though.

 

This thread has just kind of been my little diary, I'm happy I get responses. I love reading what other people have to say. At least I'm not making a thread every day anymore.

 

Also how about this Falcons/Seahawks game?

[LostOne1]

We really can't win. I have no idea if my ex appreciates the things that I did do for her. I definitely did a lot. She did a lot for me too, but she also cheated on me and disrespected the crap out of me while I did nothing like that to her. She is the bad guy in all of this. Not me. Let her think of me as the bad guy though.

 

This thread has just kind of been my little diary, I'm happy I get responses. I love reading what other people have to say. At least I'm not making a thread every day anymore.

 

Also how about this Falcons/Seahawks game?

Yeah that's the messed up part.. we can't win.... We lose no matter what so far. All we can win at is improving our own life the way we want too. And just to find some form of happiness from our own selves.

[Simon Phoenix]

You guys can't win because you don't have the right goals. "Winning" is doing the best you can every day, be it physically, mentally, educationally, spiritually (if you are into that). To have a code of conduct and standards and do your best. To treat people like you'd want to be treated. If that's not good enough for your women, it's not you who has lost. It's them.

[na49]

You guys can't win because you don't have the right goals. "Winning" is doing the best you can every day, be it physically, mentally, educationally, spiritually (if you are into that). To have a code of conduct and standards and do your best. To treat people like you'd want to be treated. If that's not good enough for your women, it's not you who has lost. It's them.

 

Well I'm pretty sure I treated my ex with respect. I never cheated on her. My friends hated her and thought she was crazy. I always stuck up for her even when she was completely wrong. I gave respect and got what back?

[LostOne1]

You guys can't win because you don't have the right goals. "Winning" is doing the best you can every day, be it physically, mentally, educationally, spiritually (if you are into that). To have a code of conduct and standards and do your best. To treat people like you'd want to be treated. If that's not good enough for your women, it's not you who has lost. It's them.

Well my ex was okay.. I mean the people that I know that met her found her to be too fake. Like she was being too nice almost like she was sucking up to look good or feel appreciated or accepted by people I knew.

 

I never saw it I just assumed she was being nice.

 

All I know is I DID try, though maybe not hard enough like I did at the start. But I guess Phoenix your right...

 

If you can't be winning with yourself how can you win with others. I think for a bit I LOST myself. And with that it effected my relationship too. I stopped being cute, smart and romantic. Became a bore and drag.

 

I guess this BU has given me life again. A chance to see myself in a new light and work on myself. I guess it sucks to know I am working on myself now. But my ex won't ever see it or notice it and if she does, she would never admit I am better.

[LostOne1]

Well I'm pretty sure I treated my ex with respect. I never cheated on her. My friends hated her and thought she was crazy. I always stuck up for her even when she was completely wrong. I gave respect and got what back?

To me that just shows the girl you chose was wrong. You did for the most part everything right and sincerely. But she didn't and it's tough to know you played it well and she backstabbed you in the end.

 

I kinda feel the same way and all I can think of is that the girls we picked were wrong for us. We just didn't see it., because we were too into them and blinded by just what we had. We didn't look at the important things like do they get along with our friends, are they people who are fair etc...

[na49]

My friends may not have liked her, but if I was happy with her, they were happy for me. Same thing with my family. My family liked her, but thought she was too much about her. Like when she'd come over, she'd talk all about her. her friends. her scholarship. her this, her that. I'm not a very outspoken person, so I just kind of sat and listened to her. I gave input here or there but it never meant much.

 

Then on the other hand, I text her a long story about something that I thought was interesting that happened during the day. and I just get an "aww" in return. Eventually I go so sick of that, I started giving it back to her. Sure. Let me be seen as the one who doesn't care. How is it fair if I have to care for you but you don't have to care for me?

 

I hate how she is just going to keep doing what she does. It's frustrating to think that I'll be seen as another guy who was a total jerk and a waste of time. Yeah... I'm sure. If I could have a redo but not stop the end of the relationship, I would've dumped her a week earlier than she dumped me. I wish the friends who thought what she was doing wasn't right told me about her cheating on me a week earlier. Two of her friends who I never met even wanted to end the relationship for her! because they thought what she was doing wasn't right. She told them that she was an adult and can handle things for herself.

 

Her MOM! Her freaking MOM! asked her if I knew about this new guy she was talking to because she was up all night talking to him. What'd she tell her mom? "Shut up! I'm 19 mom! I'm an adult now! plus he doesn't need to know my business!" She treats her mom like garbage. Her mom only does everything for her and gets no respect back. They would argue sometimes while I was sitting in the car, I just sat there quietly. Her mom loved me, and probably knew I was a good guy. I wasn't going to screw her daughter so she probably felt safe letting her date me. I really was such a nice guy. Gotta change that...