Simon Phoenix Posted January 13, 2013 Share Posted January 13, 2013 Well I'm pretty sure I treated my ex with respect. I never cheated on her. My friends hated her and thought she was crazy. I always stuck up for her even when she was completely wrong. I gave respect and got what back? Once again, her loss, not yours. Switch your damn attitude. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted January 13, 2013 Share Posted January 13, 2013 Well my ex was okay.. I mean the people that I know that met her found her to be too fake. Like she was being too nice almost like she was sucking up to look good or feel appreciated or accepted by people I knew. I never saw it I just assumed she was being nice. All I know is I DID try, though maybe not hard enough like I did at the start. But I guess Phoenix your right... If you can't be winning with yourself how can you win with others. I think for a bit I LOST myself. And with that it effected my relationship too. I stopped being cute, smart and romantic. Became a bore and drag. I guess this BU has given me life again. A chance to see myself in a new light and work on myself. I guess it sucks to know I am working on myself now. But my ex won't ever see it or notice it and if she does, she would never admit I am better. How your ex perceives it doesn't matter. You aren't doing it for her. You are doing it for you. You guys have to really get out of the "what will she think?" mindset. Doesn't do you a lick of good. Link to post Share on other sites
Author na49 Posted January 14, 2013 Author Share Posted January 14, 2013 I know I need to change my mindset, I'm just not sure how. I just know when I go back to school, I'll be walking around campus the first few weeks scared to bump into her. Wondering what she'll think when she sees me. etc. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 I know I need to change my mindset, I'm just not sure how. I just know when I go back to school, I'll be walking around campus the first few weeks scared to bump into her. Wondering what she'll think when she sees me. etc. It's easy, think about you and only you. Stop thinking about what the hell she could possibly be thinking. First of all, it's impossible to guess. Second of all, it's completely irrelevant. Stop worrying about what a person who betrayed you thinks of what you are doing and just do things for you. YOU, not her. Link to post Share on other sites
LostOne1 Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 It's easy, think about you and only you. Stop thinking about what the hell she could possibly be thinking. First of all, it's impossible to guess. Second of all, it's completely irrelevant. Stop worrying about what a person who betrayed you thinks of what you are doing and just do things for you. YOU, not her. I guess that's the hard part.. I think when we move on or reach indifference is when we totally stop thinking or caring what our ex thinks... I guess with school it will be tough. I'm worried about tmrw.. running into her, as I ran into her last Monday. Im guessing she has a class in that building which is why she was there with a classmate. I guess my next move is just to fight it and pretend she doesn't exist even if she is around. Nothing else I can do. I know my heart wants me so badly to go over and talk, but my mind kicks in and says your stupid if you do that!! Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 I guess that's the hard part.. I think when we move on or reach indifference is when we totally stop thinking or caring what our ex thinks... I guess with school it will be tough. I'm worried about tmrw.. running into her, as I ran into her last Monday. Im guessing she has a class in that building which is why she was there with a classmate. I guess my next move is just to fight it and pretend she doesn't exist even if she is around. Nothing else I can do. I know my heart wants me so badly to go over and talk, but my mind kicks in and says your stupid if you do that!! Don't worry about s--t you can't control. If she's there, you deal with it. If she isn't, you don't. It's hard enough to deal with it without building it up unnecessarily in your mind. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author na49 Posted January 14, 2013 Author Share Posted January 14, 2013 I feel like I may be moving in the right direction with this moving on stuff. but I did wake up this morning and ask myself. "does she think that I miss her? did ignoring her for as long as I did make her think that I never cared about her? because that simply is not true" I almost wanted to somehow relay a message to her that I missed her. I obviously didn't actually do it. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 I feel like I may be moving in the right direction with this moving on stuff. but I did wake up this morning and ask myself. "does she think that I miss her? did ignoring her for as long as I did make her think that I never cared about her? because that simply is not true" I almost wanted to somehow relay a message to her that I missed her. I obviously didn't actually do it. She knows she hurt you. That's why she was reaching out to you. She wanted to ease her guilt of hurting you. If you didn't care, then you wouldn't be hurting. And she knows that... Link to post Share on other sites
cavalier99 Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 I feel like I may be moving in the right direction with this moving on stuff. but I did wake up this morning and ask myself. "does she think that I miss her? did ignoring her for as long as I did make her think that I never cared about her? because that simply is not true" I almost wanted to somehow relay a message to her that I missed her. I obviously didn't actually do it. Glad your doing well. I'm feeling weak today and a little depressed. I never say this but i guess ill put it out there. I MISS HER... arrrrrgh. I said it. I better get my sh*it together. Actually though of emailing her and asking what she wanted in the email she sent me a while back. I even wrote an email (never sent and i deleted it) tearing her a new one about how selfish her communication was and I'm no backup plan etcetera. Somebody talk some sense into me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author na49 Posted January 14, 2013 Author Share Posted January 14, 2013 She knows she hurt you. That's why she was reaching out to you. She wanted to ease her guilt of hurting you. If you didn't care, then you wouldn't be hurting. And she knows that... That's so frustrating though. If she knows that she hurt me, why did she never apologize for what she did? Has she eased her guilt now that I told her to leave me alone? Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 That's so frustrating though. If she knows that she hurt me, why did she never apologize for what she did? Has she eased her guilt now that I told her to leave me alone? Doesn't matter. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 That's so frustrating though. If she knows that she hurt me, why did she never apologize for what she did? Has she eased her guilt now that I told her to leave me alone? Because she's shallow. That's why she won't apologize. She would rather rug-sweep everything rather than owning up to any wrong doing. In her ideal world, you two would be great friends so she can say to herself, "Oh look! He's getting along fine without me and we're still really good friends. I guess the break up was for the best after all!" You finally blocked her. Hopefully, she bought a clue knowing that you're not going to entertain any more of her requests. And that should tell you something. I've seen stories of Ex's using other peoples phones to reach you, other e-mail accounts, stalking you on Facebook using someone else's account, doing drive by's of your place, using friends to check up on you, even writing letter and using snail mail....I've heard it all. ANd she hasn't done all this extra stuff. Thus, it tells me that her goal of getting you in the "friend zone" is selfishly motivated. She really wasn't interested in being your friend, she just wanted to ease her guilt. I speculate that if you do see her around campus, she's going to ignore you. And that would be the best and most ideal situation for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 Glad your doing well. I'm feeling weak today and a little depressed. I never say this but i guess ill put it out there. I MISS HER... arrrrrgh. I said it. I better get my sh*it together. Actually though of emailing her and asking what she wanted in the email she sent me a while back. I even wrote an email (never sent and i deleted it) tearing her a new one about how selfish her communication was and I'm no backup plan etcetera. Somebody talk some sense into me. You know better dude. You've done great, don't go flaking out on us now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author na49 Posted January 14, 2013 Author Share Posted January 14, 2013 Because she's shallow. That's why she won't apologize. She would rather rug-sweep everything rather than owning up to any wrong doing. In her ideal world, you two would be great friends so she can say to herself, "Oh look! He's getting along fine without me and we're still really good friends. I guess the break up was for the best after all!" You finally blocked her. Hopefully, she bought a clue knowing that you're not going to entertain any more of her requests. And that should tell you something. I've seen stories of Ex's using other peoples phones to reach you, other e-mail accounts, stalking you on Facebook using someone else's account, doing drive by's of your place, using friends to check up on you, even writing letter and using snail mail....I've heard it all. ANd she hasn't done all this extra stuff. Thus, it tells me that her goal of getting you in the "friend zone" is selfishly motivated. She really wasn't interested in being your friend, she just wanted to ease her guilt. I speculate that if you do see her around campus, she's going to ignore you. And that would be the best and most ideal situation for you. You are so right that it actually hurt me. It hurts to think that friendship with me doesn't matter that much to her and that I don't matter that much to her. Gah it frustrates the hell out of me still. She'll have her huge support group of people telling her what she wants to hear and be better off without me. I feel like punching something right now lol. You must know my ex, everything you've told me from day one I started posting here has been spot on. I feel like I want her back less than I did before. I know I shouldn't want her at all, but I am noticing changes in my attitude towards her. Blocking her number is such a blessing in disguise for me. The longer I go without hearing from her, the better I feel. It's going on a month of not hearing a peep from her and I'm noticing improvement. I feel a bit more hostile towards her and am giving myself less time to think about the "great times". I'll have plenty of great times with a girl who looks much better than her who treats me much better than her. A girl who (here's a concept) LISTENS to me and what I have to say. I can't tell you how many times I'd tell my ex how I felt on something and it went right over her head. I'd tell her something that I thought was funny and would get an "aww" text back. "aww"? Aww what? and this girl will get treated like a princess without me feeling like her slave. I'll be much better at demanding respect but also giving it, setting boundaries and not being whipped. I honestly can't wait to start going to the gym. Link to post Share on other sites
suladas Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 What's with all you guys being weak lately? Just think how contact went Roth them before if you are wondering how contacting them now would go. Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 I honestly can't wait to start going to the gym. Why wait? Start now! There's things you can do from home. Start the P90X program or go for a long run. Trust me, work up a good sweat, get tired, get sore...but, in the end, you'll feel so much better. You'll be working off some of that stress and frustration. I can tell by the way you're writing that you're wound up pretty tight right now. At the moment, you're on what's called the "Roller Coaster of Emotions" One day your sad to the point of crying and today, you say you feel hostile. Next day you may feel great. Then, the next, you feel like you can't get out of bed. This is NORMAL! Happens to most of us. But, you got to push through and start making those positive changes in your life that I've also been preaching to you from day one. You need to start doing those because IT WILL start up your healing process the hurt won't last as long. Ask anyone on here that's made positive changes in their life after their break up. I seriously doubt you'll find anyone with a negative comment about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author na49 Posted January 14, 2013 Author Share Posted January 14, 2013 Why wait? Start now! There's things you can do from home. Start the P90X program or go for a long run. Trust me, work up a good sweat, get tired, get sore...but, in the end, you'll feel so much better. You'll be working off some of that stress and frustration. I can tell by the way you're writing that you're wound up pretty tight right now. At the moment, you're on what's called the "Roller Coaster of Emotions" One day your sad to the point of crying and today, you say you feel hostile. Next day you may feel great. Then, the next, you feel like you can't get out of bed. This is NORMAL! Happens to most of us. But, you got to push through and start making those positive changes in your life that I've also been preaching to you from day one. You need to start doing those because IT WILL start up your healing process the hurt won't last as long. Ask anyone on here that's made positive changes in their life after their break up. I seriously doubt you'll find anyone with a negative comment about it. Well I planned on going once I start school next week. I'm also thinking about what you were saying about her trying to ease her guilt. Do you think that she's still feeling guilty? Or is she over it because her attempts didn't work? Link to post Share on other sites
suladas Posted January 14, 2013 Share Posted January 14, 2013 Well I planned on going once I start school next week. I'm also thinking about what you were saying about her trying to ease her guilt. Do you think that she's still feeling guilty? Or is she over it because her attempts didn't work? It doesn't matter what she thinks about anything. You'll drive yourself crazy thinking about it. The only thing that matters is what you think. Link to post Share on other sites
Author na49 Posted January 14, 2013 Author Share Posted January 14, 2013 I know that it doesn't matter, but I want her to feel guilty for what she did to me. I want her to feel uneasy because there's one boyfriend who she ISN'T friends with. There's one guy on campus who doesn't think she's a nice person. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted January 15, 2013 Share Posted January 15, 2013 I know that it doesn't matter, but I want her to feel guilty for what she did to me. I want her to feel uneasy because there's one boyfriend who she ISN'T friends with. There's one guy on campus who doesn't think she's a nice person. Dude, that's such an inconsquential, useless thing to focus on. Link to post Share on other sites
cavalier99 Posted January 15, 2013 Share Posted January 15, 2013 You know better dude. You've done great, don't go flaking out on us now. I plead temporary insanity. I'm back now. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
suladas Posted January 15, 2013 Share Posted January 15, 2013 I know that it doesn't matter, but I want her to feel guilty for what she did to me. I want her to feel uneasy because there's one boyfriend who she ISN'T friends with. There's one guy on campus who doesn't think she's a nice person. Who cares? If you want to hurt her or get back at her improve yourself the best you can and forget she exists. That is the best way. Link to post Share on other sites
Author na49 Posted January 15, 2013 Author Share Posted January 15, 2013 Well I was able to see who will be in my classes for next semester. I was so nervous, but luckily she won't be in any of them. I can't lie, for some reason I was kind of hoping she would be in my class. Not sure why though, because I know if she was I would need to switch out. Her in another one of my classes would just be too much of a distraction. One of our mutual friends who I am kind of friendly with is in one of my classes though. I really am trying to erase all traces of her, so staying friends with this girl probably won't be a good idea. I don't want to be a jerk, but I really don't want to be bothered with anyone she knows. (she isn't her best friend, and I think that this girl even thinks my ex is kind of annoying. but what do I know?) How should I deal with that? Or am I making something out of nothing? Link to post Share on other sites
Author na49 Posted January 15, 2013 Author Share Posted January 15, 2013 Also I know that it's pointless to think about, I just want her to feel hurt and feel guilty for hurting me. I feel like she isn't guilty though. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted January 15, 2013 Share Posted January 15, 2013 Also I know that it's pointless to think about, I just want her to feel hurt and feel guilty for hurting me. I feel like she isn't guilty though. These thoughts don't help at all. You need to get off of this particular kick. Link to post Share on other sites
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