My journal on trying to improve my life

[FitChick]

Ross, I just did the Lefkoe Method again myself to check out the free interactive version. I'd suggest eliminating "I'm not good enough" first and then do the other two later on or on other days.

 

It has the voice of Morty Lefkoe and a video screen with writing on it. Often, Morty will say something different than what is on the screen which can be confusing. It will be basically the same but I found I had to hit the Pause button then read and listen. He moves rather quickly through the program and you really need to sit and think for a few seconds longer for many of the steps in the process. You also need to speak the answers out loud, so make sure you have privacy. I'm assuming you have a computer at home. It should take you half an hour to forty-five minutes to complete. There is a lot to digest so take your time and don't be afraid to repeat it.

[silvermane187]

Ross you are an inspiration. That's all I have to say.

[Ross MwcFan]

Soooo, I rang up that place and asked if it was a religious group, and the guy said that they have nothing to do with religion.

 

He said there's a lot of people there doing different things, and some of them will be suffering from depression too, and that at any one time there can be 40 to 70 people.

 

So, yeah, I said I'd come in on Wednesday. I really really don't know what to expect though.

 

Ross, I just did the Lefkoe Method again myself to check out the free interactive version. I'd suggest eliminating "I'm not good enough" first and then do the other two later on or on other days.

 

It has the voice of Morty Lefkoe and a video screen with writing on it. Often, Morty will say something different than what is on the screen which can be confusing. It will be basically the same but I found I had to hit the Pause button then read and listen. He moves rather quickly through the program and you really need to sit and think for a few seconds longer for many of the steps in the process. You also need to speak the answers out loud, so make sure you have privacy. I'm assuming you have a computer at home. It should take you half an hour to forty-five minutes to complete. There is a lot to digest so take your time and don't be afraid to repeat it.

 

Thanks FC. I will definatley check it out, it may be a while though because right now I'm concentrating on trying to let go of negative thoughts and feelings for 7 days (I keep slipping up though and having to re-start all over again, I've been trying for around 2 months now), and I'm reading through a book called Toxic Parents and doing the exercises that are in it.

 

Ross you are an inspiration. That's all I have to say.

 

Lol, I'm not sure if you're just joking or being serious, but if you're being serious, thanks.

Edited January 16, 2012 by Ross MwcFan

[HeavenOrHell]

Ross, that's fantastic that you called them up!!! Good on you I get so nervous too about phone calls like that, and going to groups.

Wow, that is a large group, but it sounds like you'll all be in separate rooms/parts of the room doing different things? I bet most people who go are nervous, or will have been nervous their first time of going. Wish I could come too, sounds good I'd be nervous too though

Worrying about things is depressing and it can make you feel tired and heavy, sometimes when I'm nervous about an upcoming event, when it's something enjoyable, I tell myself my nerves are excitement about it, and it usually works!

You won't have as many negative thoughts once you start getting busier and happier.

 

 

Soooo, I rang up that place and asked if it was a religious group, and the guy said that they have nothing to do with religion.

 

He said there's a lot of people there doing different things, and some of them will be suffering from depression too, and that at any one time there can be 40 to 70 people.

 

So, yeah, I said I'd come in on Wednesday. I really really don't know what to expect though.

Toxic Parents is a very good book, me and my ex read it and both found it helpful.

 

Thanks FC. I will definatley check it out, it may be a while though because right now I'm concentrating on trying to let go of negative thoughts and feelings for 7 days (I keep slipping up though and having to re-start all over again, I've been trying for around 2 months now), and I'm reading through a book called Toxic Parents and doing the exercises that are in it.

 

 

 

Lol, I'm not sure if you're just joking or being serious, but if you're being serious, thanks.

[FitChick]

Ross, you are less likely to have negative thoughts after you've done The Lefkoe Method, so you won't have to try to not think of them. You just won't. That's why I like the Method. There is nothing more you have to do. In fact, you probably won't even realize you've become more positive because it will be your normal state of being. Negative thoughts are rooted in negative beliefs and the beliefs are what you would be eliminating.

 

But do what you want to do.

[ShatteredReality]

Hey Ross, glad to hear you're going to try out the group thing. Definitely let us know how it goes!! It can be really good to be in a setting with lot's of other people and be able to gauge the different levels of the issues they're facing - some will be less and some will be more than what you deal with on a daily basis.

 

I went to a group thing once several years ago for women in verbally abusive relationships...I was shocked when I realized the levels of what some of the abuse some of those women put up with and for how long...then there were others who left for much less than I had already tolerated...it did help me to reach some decisions for myself though on what I would and would not live with.

 

And to answer your question from before...I am looking both at places we can rent for the whole family and places I can afford on my own. I have given myself a timeline and expressed to him where we are in our relationship...when he spends all this time sleeping and not chipping in - and not seeking help to fix it....well let's just say we have had quite a few discussions...he knows that no matter how much I love him I won't just sit back and watch him self destruct. We'll see...I am hoping for the best and preparing for the worst - it's something I learned from my mother for pretty much all situations in life.

 

So - I hope hope hope this group thing helps give you some perspective and gain the support you need! In your corner Ross!

[Ross MwcFan]

So I ended up going there. I felt very awkward when I was there, because it all seems like it's kind of a social thing with no structure.

 

There was a lot of handicapped people there. Some people were playing pool, other playing Wii fit, others sat there drinking coffee.

 

And they also sometimes do art or go to this other place and do gardening.

 

I really cannot see how I could benefit from that, it just totally didn't feel like it was for me at all.

 

I get the impression, that when you go there, you're just left to your own devices and just do whatever. But I'd feel so awkward, I'd probably just sit somewhere on my own looking really awkward, becaue I just don't know how to 'be' in these kinds of situations. I'd find it realy hard just going over to a group of people and trying to 'join in', again I would feel very awkward and I know I'd come off as very awkward as well.

 

So anyway, me and the guy spoke for a while, and I said that I'd probably pop back in on Friday and do some art, and that I've got to get going now.

 

So yeah, I wont be going back again.

 

Oh well.

 

Now the way I'm feeling is like 'now what?'.

 

But at least I went, at least I gave it a try.

Edited January 18, 2012 by Ross MwcFan

[jerbear]

He said there's a lot of people there doing different things, and some of them will be suffering from depression too, and that at any one time there can be 40 to 70 people.

 

So, yeah, I said I'd come in on Wednesday. I really really don't know what to expect though.

It is good that you called them up and went on Wednesday just to see.

 

I would suggest working out to get endorphins running in your system. Maybe even take up a sport. I took on body building and latin dance. It will take time, months and years, to get out of the rut. I suggest dance because you at least get to meet all types of people.

[Ross MwcFan]

And just to add, none of the activities appealed to me anyway, except for playing pool.

 

It is good that you called them up and went on Wednesday just to see.

 

I would suggest working out to get endorphins running in your system. Maybe even take up a sport. I took on body building and latin dance. It will take time, months and years, to get out of the rut. I suggest dance because you at least get to meet all types of people.

 

That's something I'm planning on doing, I'm going to get a weights bench, and an exercise bike.

 

Then again maybe I could join a gym or something? The only thing that put's me off about joining a gym is,

 

1. I may not be able to afford it

2. I don't really know how things work, for example, do you 'have' to get changed into a sports outfit? Would I look odd and be the only one wearing normal clothes in there if I decided to just wear my normal clothes? Ect.

[jerbear]

That's something I'm planning on doing, I'm going to get a weights bench, and an exercise bike.

 

Then again maybe I could join a gym or something? The only thing that put's me off about joining a gym is,

 

1. I may not be able to afford it

2. I don't really know how things work, for example, do you 'have' to get changed into a sports outfit? Would I look odd and be the only one wearing normal clothes in there if I decided to just wear my normal clothes? Ect.

The affording part is hard especially if you hire a trainer for motivation. It is about goals. If you want to get out of the rut you have to make SMART goals to achieve them.

Specific

Measurable

Attainable

Realistic

Timely

 

You already have an idea for:

Specific: you want to improve yourself by 1) working out 2) improving yourself 3) anti-depression

Attainable: yes; the first few times, after 3 weeks; you'll see a difference in your mood

Realistic: Improving yourself, disregard BMI, diet, endorphines, for two weeks and after that you'll realize you are in a routine and gotten yourself out of the rut

Timely: well you thought about it and why not do it now

 

I left measurable out because it is hard to measure your BMI, weight, depression, or whatever.

 

The gym clothes, well everyone looks funny in public regardless; you'll blend in at the gym.

 

As long as you don't' stink up the place after your work out, you'll be ok.

[cerridwen]

That's something I'm planning on doing, I'm going to get a weights bench, and an exercise bike.

 

Then again maybe I could join a gym or something? The only thing that put's me off about joining a gym is,

 

1. I may not be able to afford it

2. I don't really know how things work, for example, do you 'have' to get changed into a sports outfit? Would I look odd and be the only one wearing normal clothes in there if I decided to just wear my normal clothes? Ect.

 

Look into what gyms cost there, pup.

Belonging to one would get you out of the house among people but you wouldn't be forced to interact with them.

Throw on an iPod, get lost in the music and in making your body healthy.

Nothing to it.

 

As Jerbear said, wearing gym clothes out in public isn't a big deal.

I throw mine on, jog to the gym down the street, work out, come home.

Easy as pie.

[Ross MwcFan]

Look into what gyms cost there, pup.

Belonging to one would get you out of the house among people but you wouldn't be forced to interact with them.

Throw on an iPod, get lost in the music and in making your body healthy.

Nothing to it.

 

As Jerbear said, wearing gym clothes out in public isn't a big deal.

I throw mine on, jog to the gym down the street, work out, come home.

Easy as pie.

 

Thanks. I'll just have to make sure I avoid getting one of those crappy looking, cheap looking, chavvy tracksuits.

Edited January 18, 2012 by Ross MwcFan

[Ross MwcFan]

Hey Fitchick, I tried the Lefkoe Method, but I'm not sure if it worked.

[Anela]

Ross, have you tried anything like flower essence therapy?

 

http://www.flowersociety.org

 

Flower essences help me. They can help to calm you down, cheer you up, etc.

[Ross MwcFan]

Ross, have you tried anything like flower essence therapy?

 

http://www.flowersociety.org

 

Flower essences help me. They can help to calm you down, cheer you up, etc.

 

Like those Bach flower remedies? I do have one at home, I should've got one for confidence, depression or anxiety, but I got Clemetis by mistake thinking that it would've helped my depression and confidence.

 

The Clemetis, I'm not really sure how you're supposed to take it, as I don't have a mixing bottle at the moment. It says you can also put 2 drops into water and sip it occasionally, but I'm not sure if it means a full glass of water, and it doesn't say how many times a day you should do this.

 

So I'm not really sure if it works. At first I just put 4 drops on my tongue and it kind of made me feel zoned out and relaxed. Afterwards, I tried 2 drops in a glass of water, but I'm not sure if it had any effect on me.

 

Yesterday I tried just one drop on my tongue but that didn't seem to make any difference at all.

[cerridwen]

Ross, have you tried anything like flower essence therapy?

 

http://www.flowersociety.org

 

Flower essences help me. They can help to calm you down, cheer you up, etc.

 

I use Bach's flower essences and love them.

 

Like those Bach flower remedies? I do have one at home, I should've got one for confidence, depression or anxiety, but I got Clemetis by mistake thinking that it would've helped my depression and confidence.

The Clemetis, I'm not really sure how you're supposed to take it, as I don't have a mixing bottle at the moment. It says you can also put 2 drops into water and sip it occasionally, but I'm not sure if it means a full glass of water, and it doesn't say how many times a day you should do this.

So I'm not really sure if it works. At first I just put 4 drops on my tongue and it kind of made me feel zoned out and relaxed. Afterwards, I tried 2 drops in a glass of water, but I'm not sure if it had any effect on me.

 

Yesterday I tried just one drop on my tongue but that didn't seem to make any difference at all.

 

Keep the bottle(s) out where you see it/them.

At least 4 times a day, put 4 drops in your mouth.

Done.

 

Or

 

4 times a day, put 4 drops in a 1/4 cup of water and sip it.

Done.

[jerbear]

Regarding the gym, you can always change in the locker room.

[Star Gazer]

Ross, are there Meetup groups in the UK?

[Ariadne]

Ross,

 

I think you would be happier if you admitted that you want to live with your mother and not work.

 

You are always putting the pressure on that you have to move out and get a job or an education and many years go by and nothing happens.

 

I think you are pretty happy where you are and just feel guilty about it.

 

It'd be better if you could just do more things you enjoy like going for long drives to other towns, etc.

 

Also, you may be more depressed now because of the winter but when the Spring comes you'll be more cheered up.

[Ross MwcFan]

I use Bach's flower essences and love them.

 

 

 

Keep the bottle(s) out where you see it/them.

At least 4 times a day, put 4 drops in your mouth.

Done.

 

Or

 

4 times a day, put 4 drops in a 1/4 cup of water and sip it.

Done.

 

This is what I've started doing, thanks!

 

Regarding the gym, you can always change in the locker room.

 

Yeah but see I worry about that kind of thing, it's like will it be obvious where the locker rooms are, what if I ask someone where they are and I misunderstand what they're saying and I end up going into the wrong room or something.

 

And there's the fact that I really wouldn't feel comfortable with getting undressed in front of other guys.

 

Ross, are there Meetup groups in the UK?

 

Yeah there'll be some. I've been meaning to look into that actually.

 

Ross,

 

I think you would be happier if you admitted that you want to live with your mother and not work.

 

You are always putting the pressure on that you have to move out and get a job or an education and many years go by and nothing happens.

 

I think you are pretty happy where you are and just feel guilty about it.

 

It'd be better if you could just do more things you enjoy like going for long drives to other towns, etc.

 

Also, you may be more depressed now because of the winter but when the Spring comes you'll be more cheered up.

 

Hey Ariadne, that's not entirely true. I mean sure, I would hate to do most jobs as I find them too boring, but I would definatley like to live in my own place, I've wanted to move out for many many years now.

 

Also, I like the idea of having a job that I'd enjoy doing, and I'd need a job if I wanted to be able to afford a decent enough place and to run my car as well.

 

I also want to move to another area too as I'm unhappy with where I'm living.

 

There's the fact that I don't still want to be living with my mum when I'm 40, the thoguht of that is just depressing, and I don't want to still be living with her when she dies (she's quite old now), as it would be very hard on me, whereas if I had moved out years before, which would mean that I only would have seen her on the rare occasion for many years, it wouldn't be anywhere near as hard on me.

 

I would like to be able to get a girlfriend/relationship/ONS at some point, but living at home and not having a job just makes things awkward and difficult. And if I did get out there more and have my own place and a job, not only would I meet more women, but I'd probably have more confidence for dating and stuff, and just be in a better place for it too.

 

There's the fact that at some point in the future, the money that I get might be stopped, and by that time, it might be too late for me to have any kind of a chance of getting a decent career because of my age. This would mean that I'd have to take a ****ty job and do that for the rest of my life which would make me feel miserable.

 

Plus, I like the idea of socialising sometimes, as long as the people are genuinley nice people.

 

I don't feel guilty about not working and still living at home at all.

Edited January 22, 2012 by Ross MwcFan

[Ross MwcFan]

I'm seriously considering volunteering at the hospital, here are the things that you can volunteer for,

 

• Recruitment Officer

• Meeting Facilitator

• Befriending

• Running an Info Cafe

• Music

• Art

• Cooking

• Games

• Gardening

• Outdoor Activities

• Quiz Night

• Youth Club Helper

• Interpreter

• Charity Member

• Fundraising

• Dining Companions

• Magazine Editor

• Admin and Clerical Work

• PAT Dog/Cat

• Special Projects

• Volunteer Activity Support (on the wards and in the community)

• Volunteer Health Care Support Worker (non-clinical)

 

I'm not really sure what a lot of these things would entail.

 

They say that they will pay for how much it costs for you to get there.

 

Now I now I'd feel okay with driving there, as I've driven there once before and the journey was quite simple.

 

But the only problem is, is that I don't know the directions, when I went last time my sister was in the car with me and gave me the directions.

Edited January 22, 2012 by Ross MwcFan

[Ariadne]

Hey Ariadne, that's not entirely true. I mean sure, I would hate to do most jobs as I find them too boring, but I would definatley like to live in my own place, I've wanted to move out for many many years now.

 

Also, I like the idea of having a job that I'd enjoy doing, and I'd need a job if I wanted to be able to afford a decent enough place and to run my car as well.

 

I also want to move to another area too as I'm unhappy with where I'm living.

 

There's the fact that I don't still want to be living with my mum when I'm 40, the thoguht of that is just depressing, and I don't want to still be living with her when she dies (she's quite old now), as it would be very hard on me, whereas if I had moved out years before, which would mean that I only would have seen her on the rare occasion for many years, it wouldn't be anywhere near as hard on me.

 

I would like to be able to get a girlfriend/relationship/ONS at some point, but living at home and not having a job just makes things awkward and difficult. And if I did get out there more and have my own place and a job, not only would I meet more women, but I'd probably have more confidence for dating and stuff, and just be in a better place for it too.

 

There's the fact that at some point in the future, the money that I get might be stopped, and by that time, it might be too late for me to have any kind of a chance of getting a decent career because of my age. This would mean that I'd have to take a ****ty job and do that for the rest of my life which would make me feel miserable.

 

Plus, I like the idea of socialising sometimes, as long as the people are genuinley nice people.

 

I don't feel guilty about not working and still living at home at all.

 

Hi,

 

1) I'd love to get a job but only if it's the perfect job and pays well.

 

Yet, you have no drive or preference as to what that is, in fact you regard most jobs as boring and ****ty.

 

2) I don't want to see mother die.

 

You can't avoid that one (if you don't pass away first).

 

Your mother is your only companion at this point. If you move out not only you'll be lonely, but you'll be driving back and forth constantly to take care of her and worrying if she's ok.

 

3) Girls will like me better.

 

You haven't had a girlfriend yet, and all that work and effort for the supposed girl that may or may not materialize is a pie in the sky.

 

4) You have a comfy living, with shelter, companionship, car, and income but the income "may be cut off sometime".

 

Nobody does all that effort "in case" something happens in the future when all things are ok now.

 

------

 

I think it's time to enjoy life now Ross and not stress about those things.

 

Any time you decide to do something you come up with excuses not to do them (like the meeting, are they "religious"? I bet you didn't go on Wed either).

 

I'd advice to find peace where you are and enjoy.

[Ross MwcFan]

You've only tried to refute some of the positives that I've mentioned. What about the others?

 

It's best if I at least try, things may work out good for me. It's a lot better than just completely giving up on life and still being a virgin and still living at home in my 40's, living in an area that I don't like, with not that much chance of any kind of a future.

 

And yes, I did go to that thing on Wed.

 

Your post really surprises me.

Edited January 22, 2012 by Ross MwcFan

[Ariadne]

It's a lot better than just completely giving up on life and still being a virgin and still living at home in my 40's, living in an area that I don't like, with not that much chance of any kind of a future.

 

You are putting a negative spin on this and being unsettled. That is your main problem.

 

Instead of seeing it as giving up on life, you can make it rejoice in life and enjoy what you have.

[Dorie]

I'm seriously considering volunteering at the hospital, here are the things that you can volunteer for,

 

• Recruitment Officer

• Meeting Facilitator

• Befriending

• Running an Info Cafe

• Music

• Art

• Cooking

• Games

• Gardening

• Outdoor Activities

• Quiz Night

• Youth Club Helper

• Interpreter

• Charity Member

• Fundraising

• Dining Companions

• Magazine Editor

• Admin and Clerical Work

• PAT Dog/Cat

• Special Projects

• Volunteer Activity Support (on the wards and in the community)

• Volunteer Health Care Support Worker (non-clinical)

 

I'm not really sure what a lot of these things would entail.

 

Ring up and ask about those that most interest you. Art, for instance.

 

They say that they will pay for how much it costs for you to get there.

 

Now I now I'd feel okay with driving there, as I've driven there once before and the journey was quite simple.

 

But the only problem is, is that I don't know the directions, when I went last time my sister was in the car with me and gave me the directions.

 

Ask her to again or look them up online and do a test drive there.