My journal on trying to improve my life

[denise_xo]

Also, on the form it's asking if I have to pay council tax.

 

Would have to pay council tax if I was renting somewhere?

 

IME in the UK, yes you would. I think only students are exempt.

[Ross MwcFan]

Well, I just rang up that place which gives free counciling, and a woman will be ringing me over the next few days for an assesment. The place is really nearby too.

[HeavenOrHell]

No, it's not just you that comes into contact with morons, I was shot in the face with a BB gun by teenagers a couple of weeks ago, it just missed my eye, hit me in the cheek.

 

 

 

Thanks SR.

 

Well, two more bad things have happened. Yesterday, I was waiting at a pedestrian crossing, and a car which was really far away and had plenty of time to stop, didn't bother with stopping, he just driven over the crossing while giving me a dirty look.

 

That didn't bother me too much at the time. But today while driving, a bunch of teenagers threw a jawbreaker at my car window, it made a really loud bang and luckily the window didn't break. I felt like getting out of the car and kicking the **** out of them.

 

Why do I have to live in such a horrible hostile place? It really depressess me and makes me lose confidence in myself.

 

Is everywhere like this or is it just where I live?

[HeavenOrHell]

I live in a beautiful place, s*it happens everywhere.

 

 

 

The part of my area that I was in seemed quite nice and I wouldn't have expected anything like that to have happened there. But in general where I live, strangely most older people seem very nice and friendly, and a lot of the kids, teens and people in their early 20's just seem like dicks and are hostile. I'm not sure if there's that much low employemnt where I live, I think there is a lack of authority though.

 

Where abouts do you live? Maybe I should move there myself, in fact I'd be happy to ****ing emigrate from this country.

[Ross MwcFan]

No, it's not just you that comes into contact with morons, I was shot in the face with a BB gun by teenagers a couple of weeks ago, it just missed my eye, hit me in the cheek.

 

I'm really sorry about that, that sounds awful.

 

Sometimes I just really want to beat the crap out of *******s like that.

[Ross MwcFan]

Where are you btw, HOH? Are you in the UK or the US?

[HeavenOrHell]

Thanks Ross. I'm in the UK.

 

 

Where are you btw, HOH? Are you in the UK or the US?

[ShatteredReality]

Sounds like you're on the right track - being productive - calling around and seeing what you need to do in order to make the move. Have you looked at the local job postings for where you'd like to move? I don't know what they've got in your area - we have sites like Craigslist.org and such. I found my current job by going directly to the company site and looking at job postings. You might want to do that - if you like working with animals look into what local vet clinics might be around and see what they're hiring and how much those jobs pay. Flood the place with your resume - send out a ton of them. Here a person tends to put out something like 30 resumes before getting one interview - the job market bites right now. You can probably google Most asthetic resumes and find out what format will work best in that area, too.

 

We have a ton of sites for housing, also....I am sure you do too - once you talk with the woman who will help you with housing you can really look into what your options are.

 

Do you live alone right now or with your mom? You mentioned her bill - that's why I ask. The electric bill differs quite a bit depending on the size of the home - apartments are nearly always on a shared grid, too, which makes it less expensive because it's several apartments on one and the bill gets chopped up based on % of usage. Apartments also can include other things in the rent that a town home or house might not - sometimes water and garbage are part of the rent.

 

There are so many factors that come with moving - I think it's a big reason why a lot of people try to avoid doing it. I know I don't look forward to all the logistics...but in the end if it is a better place to live it's totally worth it.

[Ross MwcFan]

Sounds like you're on the right track - being productive - calling around and seeing what you need to do in order to make the move. Have you looked at the local job postings for where you'd like to move? I don't know what they've got in your area - we have sites like Craigslist.org and such. I found my current job by going directly to the company site and looking at job postings. You might want to do that - if you like working with animals look into what local vet clinics might be around and see what they're hiring and how much those jobs pay. Flood the place with your resume - send out a ton of them. Here a person tends to put out something like 30 resumes before getting one interview - the job market bites right now. You can probably google Most asthetic resumes and find out what format will work best in that area, too.

 

We have a ton of sites for housing, also....I am sure you do too - once you talk with the woman who will help you with housing you can really look into what your options are.

 

Do you live alone right now or with your mom? You mentioned her bill - that's why I ask. The electric bill differs quite a bit depending on the size of the home - apartments are nearly always on a shared grid, too, which makes it less expensive because it's several apartments on one and the bill gets chopped up based on % of usage. Apartments also can include other things in the rent that a town home or house might not - sometimes water and garbage are part of the rent.

 

There are so many factors that come with moving - I think it's a big reason why a lot of people try to avoid doing it. I know I don't look forward to all the logistics...but in the end if it is a better place to live it's totally worth it.

 

When you talk about me talking with the woman who will help me with housing, do you mean the counsellor who I'll be seeing?

 

Yeah, I still live with my mum.

[ShatteredReality]

When you talk about me talking with the woman who will help me with housing, do you mean the counsellor who I'll be seeing?

 

Yeah, I still live with my mum.

 

Yes, I meant the counselor...I might have misread - I thought she was going to specifically deal with your housing options?

 

Ok - so if you still live with mom that's actually good - the bills you see coming through for her are higher than what you'll see because there are more people in the home. It's likely a bigger home. All the other things I mentioned too - different types of homes cost more/less. Different counties (or whatever you have there) have different electrical grids and therefore different companies running them and charging different prices for them. It's also largely based on the local economy. So if you move to a different area the prices may fluctuate.

 

It's a headache - like I said - but once you're in your new place it will all fade into the background. How old are you Ross? If that's ok to ask - you don't have to answer.

 

I'm 30. I lived with my mom shortly after getting married while I was pregnant with my first son. My husband lived there too...it wasn't a bad situation - but we couldn't afford a place of our own and a baby. My parents let us get on our feet financially. We moved back in with them briefly while we were buying the house we're in - there was a gap after my notice at my apartment and the move in date. They have moved now, though, and are currently trying to get us to move out closer to them. They've offered to give us a place rent free until we found jobs out there, and also to pay the down payment for a house within an hours driving distance of where they live now. It's mighty tempting...Also scary as heck...

 

I figured since I ask you so many personal questions I should volunteer some info just to be fair;)

[Ross MwcFan]

Yes, I meant the counselor...I might have misread - I thought she was going to specifically deal with your housing options?

 

Hopefully she's going to be able to deal with all of my issues.

 

Ok - so if you still live with mom that's actually good - the bills you see coming through for her are higher than what you'll see because there are more people in the home. It's likely a bigger home. All the other things I mentioned too - different types of homes cost more/less. Different counties (or whatever you have there) have different electrical grids and therefore different companies running them and charging different prices for them. It's also largely based on the local economy. So if you move to a different area the prices may fluctuate.

 

It's a headache - like I said - but once you're in your new place it will all fade into the background. How old are you Ross? If that's ok to ask - you don't have to answer.

 

Sure you can ask. I'm 35.

 

I'm 30. I lived with my mom shortly after getting married while I was pregnant with my first son. My husband lived there too...it wasn't a bad situation - but we couldn't afford a place of our own and a baby. My parents let us get on our feet financially. We moved back in with them briefly while we were buying the house we're in - there was a gap after my notice at my apartment and the move in date. They have moved now, though, and are currently trying to get us to move out closer to them. They've offered to give us a place rent free until we found jobs out there, and also to pay the down payment for a house within an hours driving distance of where they live now. It's mighty tempting...Also scary as heck...

 

I figured since I ask you so many personal questions I should volunteer some info just to be fair;)

 

Lol, no problem.

[Ross MwcFan]

I've stopped listening to hypnosis mp3's now, because they really don't seem to be making any difference at all. But oh well, I gave it a really good shot. I've listening to them almost everyday for the past 9 months or so.

 

A date has been arranged now, on Nov 17th I've got an appointment for an assesment.

 

Here's what I'm going to say

 

I am looking for some kind of support, as I'm trying to get my life together. I am 35, I suffer from anxiety and depression, I'm not able to hold a job, not able to travel distances because I'm easily overwhelemd and fearful, not able to interact properly with women, not able to work out how to get my own place, I go through bouts of thinking about suicide, and I have a history of mental/emotional abuse.

 

I need on going support to tackle regular life situations, that for others are just normal.

 

I would really like to become independent, have a job that I enjoy, my own place (which is decent enough), and a relationship, but I always find things too overwhelming and difficult.

[ShatteredReality]

I've stopped listening to hypnosis mp3's now, because they really don't seem to be making any difference at all. But oh well, I gave it a really good shot. I've listening to them almost everyday for the past 9 months or so.

 

A date has been arranged now, on Nov 17th I've got an appointment for an assesment.

 

Here's what I'm going to say

 

I am looking for some kind of support, as I'm trying to get my life together. I am 35, I suffer from anxiety and depression, I'm not able to hold a job, not able to travel distances because I'm easily overwhelemd and fearful, not able to interact properly with women, not able to work out how to get my own place, I go through bouts of thinking about suicide, and I have a history of mental/emotional abuse.

 

I need on going support to tackle regular life situations, that for others are just normal.

 

I would really like to become independent, have a job that I enjoy, my own place (which is decent enough), and a relationship, but I always find things too overwhelming and difficult.

 

Those hypnosis things never did a thing for me either. Maybe that stuff works...but personally it scares the crap outta me to think I could open my brain up for someone else to play around in like that. I prefer having a semblance of conscious knowledge about what's being thrown at me.

 

Ok, so I asked your age because that has a huge impact on how a person feels moving out on their own. Very young means it's new and you've never done it and you have little life experience...twists you all up inside. Older has a lot of that if you haven't moved out on your own before - but it has with it the added pressures of society telling us we should have moved out by now (I don't exactly agree with that btw), not to mention there's usually a reason you haven't done it by now. In your case it's the multitude of issues you have to cope with in order to accomplish this.

 

I really hope this counselor helps you out - I think what you've come up with to say to her sounds great. I don't know that you'll get to say it all I have met with my share of counselors and had plans on exactly what I was going to say to them - now unless you're awesome and have it on an index card in front of you, you'll likely forget half of it and tackle a bit of it at a time. If you're having more than one session with her then that's a perfectly fine way to go about it. You have to get to know her and trust her first anyway.

 

For my anxiety - I have general anxiety. I take Kava Root - liquid form is more potent. I started taking that because the Buspar (buspirone?) they had me on dipped my blood pressure and made me dizzy. I didn't like how it made me feel, so I stopped taking that and turned to other, more natural methods. So, try the D and the Kava in addition to whatever you're already doing and see if they help. I'm not a Dr, just sharing what I know has worked for myself or friends in the past.

 

Maybe for work you could start out with something really low key. The friend who takes the D - she had to stop working because it was too much pressure for her. Her anxiety was out of control. She's trying right now to get an on call position. If she can do that she won't get all worked up knowing she has endless weeks of work ahead...and if they call her same day she can just go to work and not have to trip out about it the entire day before. Maybe something like that would work for you? If that's even an option?

 

Let us know how the meeting goes with the counselor.

[Star Gazer]

I do totally need to keep that in mind, because I am prone to thinking that it's just me.

 

Yes, you do need to keep it in mind! No matter what the hurdle or obstacle, it's never just you. You're not alone; so many of people have been right where you are at any given moment.

 

I must say, I'm really impressed with how you've just thrown your arms around all of your troubles to tackle them, or at least wrestle them down. It's kinda inspiring, really.

 

Keep it up, Ross. We're following!

[Ross MwcFan]

Those hypnosis things never did a thing for me either. Maybe that stuff works...but personally it scares the crap outta me to think I could open my brain up for someone else to play around in like that. I prefer having a semblance of conscious knowledge about what's being thrown at me.

 

Ok, so I asked your age because that has a huge impact on how a person feels moving out on their own. Very young means it's new and you've never done it and you have little life experience...twists you all up inside. Older has a lot of that if you haven't moved out on your own before - but it has with it the added pressures of society telling us we should have moved out by now (I don't exactly agree with that btw), not to mention there's usually a reason you haven't done it by now. In your case it's the multitude of issues you have to cope with in order to accomplish this.

 

I really hope this counselor helps you out - I think what you've come up with to say to her sounds great. I don't know that you'll get to say it all I have met with my share of counselors and had plans on exactly what I was going to say to them - now unless you're awesome and have it on an index card in front of you, you'll likely forget half of it and tackle a bit of it at a time. If you're having more than one session with her then that's a perfectly fine way to go about it. You have to get to know her and trust her first anyway.

 

I actualy have it written down on a piece of paper, so I'll take it in with me and read it out.

 

For my anxiety - I have general anxiety. I take Kava Root - liquid form is more potent. I started taking that because the Buspar (buspirone?) they had me on dipped my blood pressure and made me dizzy. I didn't like how it made me feel, so I stopped taking that and turned to other, more natural methods. So, try the D and the Kava in addition to whatever you're already doing and see if they help. I'm not a Dr, just sharing what I know has worked for myself or friends in the past.

 

Yeah, when I next see the doc, I'm going to ask if he will check my vitamin D levels.

 

Maybe for work you could start out with something really low key. The friend who takes the D - she had to stop working because it was too much pressure for her. Her anxiety was out of control. She's trying right now to get an on call position. If she can do that she won't get all worked up knowing she has endless weeks of work ahead...and if they call her same day she can just go to work and not have to trip out about it the entire day before. Maybe something like that would work for you? If that's even an option?

 

Maybe, dunno yet. Because I'm thinking, that if I want to move to a different area, then maybe I should try and do that first, and then get a job or voluntary work.

 

Let us know how the meeting goes with the counselor.

 

Thanks. Will do.

[Ross MwcFan]

Yes, you do need to keep it in mind! No matter what the hurdle or obstacle, it's never just you. You're not alone; so many of people have been right where you are at any given moment.

 

I must say, I'm really impressed with how you've just thrown your arms around all of your troubles to tackle them, or at least wrestle them down. It's kinda inspiring, really.

 

Keep it up, Ross. We're following!

 

Thanks SG. I don't really have any other choice really.

[Ross MwcFan]

I've just thought of another job I'd enjoy doing, and that's soldering.

 

Anyway, I've decided to become a vegetarian.

 

Although I'm not going to go the whole hog (pardon the pun), as I'll still eat fish, and dairy products. Although eventually I think I will give up eating fish too.

 

Hopefully eating substitute meats like mycoprotein will still give me all the nutrients I need.

 

The is a plus side to it though, and that is it's not going to have a lot's of fat and cholesterol like how a lot of meat does.

[ShatteredReality]

You're so good! Having it written down and all! Awesome. And let us know how the vegetarian thing works out...I don't see it for myself - I like eggs and I cook with them often. I am also a huge fan of chicken soup...LOL among other things - but still, let us know how that works. There is a fake meat called Sae-tan...I hear that's really good.

[betterdeal]

Have you considered gardening as a career path (no pun intended)?

 

And a piscetarian diet is generally healthier and can be cheaper than an omnivorous one. Learn to cook curries and you're onto a winner

Edited November 7, 2011 by betterdeal

[Ross MwcFan]

You're so good! Having it written down and all! Awesome. And let us know how the vegetarian thing works out...I don't see it for myself - I like eggs and I cook with them often. I am also a huge fan of chicken soup...LOL among other things - but still, let us know how that works. There is a fake meat called Sae-tan...I hear that's really good.

 

Thanks!

 

I'll still eat eggs as long as they're free range. I don't want to be that extreme.

[Ross MwcFan]

Have you considered gardening as a career path (no pun intended)?

 

And a piscetarian diet is generally healthier and can be cheaper than an omnivorous one. Learn to cook curries and you're onto a winner

 

My dad used to be a gardener. But nah, it's not really for me.

 

Yeah I was thinking it does seem like a much healthier diet. And when I was in the supermarket today I was looking at some fake chicken pieces, and thought 'hey I could buy some curry sauce and make a curry with them', since in the supermarket, I couldn't find any vegetarian curries.

[betterdeal]

Frozen prawns are pretty cheap, good for you and make a good curry. Aldi, Iceland, Lidl all do them super cheap (mind, the value ranges in Tesco / Asda / Morrisons / Sainsburys are cheap too). Throw in some mixed veg, boil some rice and you have a super cheap, healthy meal.

[Ross MwcFan]

Frozen prawns are pretty cheap, good for you and make a good curry. Aldi, Iceland, Lidl all do them super cheap (mind, the value ranges in Tesco / Asda / Morrisons / Sainsburys are cheap too). Throw in some mixed veg, boil some rice and you have a super cheap, healthy meal.

 

Sounds good, I love prawns.

[Ross MwcFan]

Just filled out a questionaire on a careers advice website, to find out what strengths and weaknesses I have and which careers I'd be good at.

 

After looking at the results it says that my strengths are:

 

Learning and Technology

Learning and Technology is a skill area that you feel you are most able to do. This is about being able to learn new information easily and learn how to use new technologies quickly.

 

And my weaknesses or areas for development are:

 

Taking Responsibility

Taking Responsibility is a skill area that you feel you can do less well. This is about being able to take responsibility for your own actions, take control of situations and lead others.

 

If you would like to improve this skill, the following development suggestion might be useful.

 

So I've got no idea why it then gave me job suggestions which involve, adapting to challenges, working well with others, and convincing others, taking responsibility and leading others.

 

All of those things are my weaknesses, not my strengths. Wtf?

Edited November 10, 2011 by Ross MwcFan

[Ross MwcFan]

Just got a call from another place that does therapy. I've got an appointment to see them on the same day that I have the other appointment for therapy at the other place.

 

What a coincidence.

 

I wonder if it's a good idea to see two different therapists at the same time, or whether it'd be too much? Maybe I should just see which one I like best and stick with that one.