My journal on trying to improve my life

[Ross MwcFan]

Do you think you're fit for work? If not you could always go the extreme dramatic an just sob throughout the entire process and talk about how stressful it was just to get there...every time they touch you flinch and gasp.... Sorry - it's a joke - but honestly - if you don't feel fit for work you should probably tell them that during the exam. Tell them your feelings of anxiety - that you're in therapy and hope to be fit for work by next year or something...

 

But more importantly - it's not until 12/2 so don't stress about it until 12/1 ok? Do not ruin a week and a half worrying! Concentrate on the progress!

 

Hey I'm not worrying. Since a few days ago I've basically started to not hold onto any negative thoughts anymore (not just about this, but anything), if one comes into my mind, I'll just let go of it, and it's helping me to feel better and more positive already.

[Ross MwcFan]

Ross have you thought about going back to school? It would give you great skills for the workplace, and you'd get practice talking to people and making friends. I just graduated my degree and I'm already missing school. The medical science workplace is very cold.

 

Yes, it's definatley something I will do if I need to (which I probably will).

[Ginger Beer]

Yeah that'll be ESA mate.

 

I have social anxiety (I'm 22), which means I don't ever leave my house unless I go for walks when it's really early morning, still dark and nobody around. I have no confidence and don't want people seeing me basically. Sorry to hijack the thread.

 

You'll be cool, you need to get 15 points to be unfit for work. I got 9 and failed. Most people with anxieties get 0 I believe, so that was good. I made a late appeal 3 months after the decision and got 15 points and the tribunal made their decision without me present (for obvious reasons).

 

Even if you fail it's not all over so there is really nothing to worry about.

 

I might still have a letter with of all the criteria they assess and how many points each is worth they sent me after I failed with the letter saying they'd stopped my claim if you need any help.

Edited November 26, 2011 by Ginger Beer

[Ross MwcFan]

Yeah that'll be ESA mate.

 

I have social anxiety (I'm 22), which means I don't ever leave my house unless I go for walks when it's really early morning, still dark and nobody around. I have no confidence and don't want people seeing me basically. Sorry to hijack the thread.

 

You'll be cool, you need to get 15 points to be unfit for work. I got 9 and failed. Most people with anxieties get 0 I believe, so that was good. I made a late appeal 3 months after the decision and got 15 points and the tribunal made their decision without me present (for obvious reasons).

 

Even if you fail it's not all over so there is really nothing to worry about.

 

I might still have a letter with of all the criteria they assess and how many points each is worth they sent me after I failed with the letter saying they'd stopped my claim if you need any help.

 

Sorry to hear that, I used to be pretty much the same.

 

What helped me recover from that was CBT (it didn't seem to be so much the CBT itself that helped, but the support), and getting a car.

[Saturn]

Hi from an Oldham girl .

 

I have read your posts, a great book I recommend to you is called changing limiting beliefs by Rob Kelly...look it up on the internet, he has a web site. I bought the book recently and its really helped me.

 

I assume the photo is you, you look nice to me and really can change your life, its just a case of believing in yourself and realising you have a 'warped' internal image of yourself. By that I mean you dont see what others see. But you can change that image and a bit of 'fake it until you make it' can go a long way.

[Ross MwcFan]

Hi from an Oldham girl .

 

I have read your posts, a great book I recommend to you is called changing limiting beliefs by Rob Kelly...look it up on the internet, he has a web site. I bought the book recently and its really helped me.

 

I assume the photo is you, you look nice to me and really can change your life, its just a case of believing in yourself and realising you have a 'warped' internal image of yourself. By that I mean you dont see what others see. But you can change that image and a bit of 'fake it until you make it' can go a long way.

 

Hey Saturn, I never expected to see someone who's from Oldham on here.

 

Thanks for the book recommendation, I'll look into it.

 

Yeah the picture is me. I'm not sure if I do have a warped internal image of myself or not though. Sure, I may feel like I don't come across as that appealing to people or attractive to women in real life, but that's because I was treated badly by a lot of people where I used to live, and no women ever gave me the time of day either.

[Ginger Beer]

hope it goes well tomorrow mate.

[Ross MwcFan]

hope it goes well tomorrow mate.

 

Thanks.

[Ross MwcFan]

Had my blood test today to check for low vitamin D levels. They'll have the results on Tuesday.

 

Went to the medical assesment too, I was expecting it to be a guy doing the assesment but it was some hot woman instead.

 

She said I'll get a letter with the results over the next 2 or 3 weeks.

[Ross MwcFan]

Going to have to pay for a (probably) really expensive repair on the car now. Just when I ended up with a nice amount of money in the bank.

[ShatteredReality]

Going to have to pay for a (probably) really expensive repair on the car now. Just when I ended up with a nice amount of money in the bank.

 

Uh oh! What happened? I hate that...seriously...I was in a car accident on Monday on my way home from work... It was "minor" though it did over 5k in damage on my vehicle...her SUV pretty much ATE my car for dinner...oh well...at least no serious injuries - but the financial hit sucks - we have insurance but we still have a deductible and we're having to borrow a car until ours is fixed....blech. Sorry...I just totally vented on your thread...but you mentioned car trouble... I feel your pain on the repairs though.

[Ross MwcFan]

Uh oh! What happened? I hate that...seriously...I was in a car accident on Monday on my way home from work... It was "minor" though it did over 5k in damage on my vehicle...her SUV pretty much ATE my car for dinner...oh well...at least no serious injuries - but the financial hit sucks - we have insurance but we still have a deductible and we're having to borrow a car until ours is fixed....blech. Sorry...I just totally vented on your thread...but you mentioned car trouble... I feel your pain on the repairs though.

 

Hey it's okay, anyone can vent here if they want too.

 

I'm having problems with putting it into first gear.

[ShatteredReality]

Hey it's okay, anyone can vent here if they want too.

 

I'm having problems with putting it into first gear.

 

I had a car that would not down shift into first unless I came to a complete and total stop...it was annoying as heck when I was going around sharp corners and stuff...

 

I hope you're able to get it fixed without being taken to the cleaners. I am currently concentrating on the positives in life...like...I wasn't seriously or permanently hurt, and the other car involved has bumper damage and the gal had no serious injuries either. So...onward and upward, right Ross?? Thanks for letting me vent the other day though

[cerridwen]

How has therapy been going, Ross?

Any updates?

[Ross MwcFan]

I had a car that would not down shift into first unless I came to a complete and total stop...it was annoying as heck when I was going around sharp corners and stuff...

 

I hope you're able to get it fixed without being taken to the cleaners. I am currently concentrating on the positives in life...like...I wasn't seriously or permanently hurt, and the other car involved has bumper damage and the gal had no serious injuries either. So...onward and upward, right Ross?? Thanks for letting me vent the other day though

 

Okay, good news, there isn't anything wrong with my car, and that the problem was the fact that I shouldn't have been putting it into first gear while the car was moving.

 

This has caused more wear and tear on the gear box, and that's why I've now started to experience the problem.

 

If I come to a complete stop and then change into first it's fine (which is what you're supposed to do anyway).

 

I never even had to pay for them to take a look at it, which was great.

[Ross MwcFan]

How has therapy been going, Ross?

Any updates?

 

Well, the guy suggested I should join a group. He recommended some religious/christian group at a church, but since I'm an atheist, it really wouldn't be for me at all.

 

He said it would be a good idea if I could get a better head on my shoulders/to be able to cope with life first, before getting my own place in an area where I'd feel happy.

 

So, we agreed that I'd look more into what jobs/voluntary work/training that I'd like to do.

 

He also suggested that I go for a long drive somewhere out of my comfort zone on my own, and then the next time I see him we can talk about it. So, I did that today, I was very nervous, but there weren't any incidents and I felt proud that I had done it afterwards.

[ShatteredReality]

Well, the guy suggested I should join a group. He recommended some religious/christian group at a church, but since I'm an atheist, it really wouldn't be for me at all.

 

He said it would be a good idea if I could get a better head on my shoulders/to be able to cope with life first, before getting my own place in an area where I'd feel happy.

 

So, we agreed that I'd look more into what jobs/voluntary work/training that I'd like to do.

 

He also suggested that I go for a long drive somewhere out of my comfort zone on my own, and then the next time I see him we can talk about it. So, I did that today, I was very nervous, but there weren't any incidents and I felt proud that I had done it afterwards.

 

Glad to hear about the car...same situation I had with the one I told you about before.

 

And so proud you did this!! Before I got married I struggled with the whole being alone thing. I was not comfortable going out and doing things alone - it was a total codependency thing. My bf at the time (now my H) was 900 miles away, though, so obviously I had to be able to go places alone. I went to the mall a few times and just walked around - didn't buy anything, but walked through the stores and forced myself to be ok with myself being alone in public. I ate dinner a few times out in public and opted for a table near the middle of the room if possible. I didn't take a book, nor did I have a cell phone at the time, so I used that time to think, reflect...well ok so I sat there the entire time saying "See, you can do this. Being alone and eating a meal in public is totally fine. You don't have to have someone with you. You're fine. No one is staring. No one cares." and so on.

 

Now some of my favorite times are my solo trips to the grocery store. There is a store near my home that has groceries, but also has everything else from clothes to furniture to make up to books to art...kitchen supplies - I love that store. I'll go there for multivitamins and my H knows straight off I will be gone an hour. I will walk around that store alone...just recharging my batteries...enjoying the peace. Forcing myself out of my comfort zone all those years ago actually created a new comfort zone. I haven't had dinner alone in a restaurant for a long time - not sure how well I'd do with that...but I could totally handle going to the movies alone or public places I am not familiar with (unless it's in a super dangerous area or something).

 

The more you do it, the more satisfied you'll be with yourself doing it. It helps stave off the loneliness. And I know you say "You're married, what do you know about lonely" but...there have been times in my marriage I've felt more alone than when I was single. And those hour long walks buying nothing in the store have always helped to make me feel better.

 

K...novel done Back to the story of Ross Proud of you!

[cerridwen]

Well, the guy suggested I should join a group. He recommended some religious/christian group at a church, but since I'm an atheist, it really wouldn't be for me at all.

 

He said it would be a good idea if I could get a better head on my shoulders/to be able to cope with life first, before getting my own place in an area where I'd feel happy.

 

So, we agreed that I'd look more into what jobs/voluntary work/training that I'd like to do.

 

He also suggested that I go for a long drive somewhere out of my comfort zone on my own, and then the next time I see him we can talk about it. So, I did that today, I was very nervous, but there weren't any incidents and I felt proud that I had done it afterwards.

 

You should feel proud!!

Longer distances can prove a challenge until one's use to them.

I hope you treated yourself after.

[Ross MwcFan]

You should feel proud!!

Longer distances can prove a challenge until one's use to them.

I hope you treated yourself after.

 

I did, I got myself a chicken curry.

[cerridwen]

I did, I got myself a chicken curry.

 

That sounds really nice.

Are you going to make driving longer distances a routine thing?

[Ross MwcFan]

That sounds really nice.

Are you going to make driving longer distances a routine thing?

 

Yeah, I'll try and go on a long drive on my own once a week from now on.

[cerridwen]

Yeah, I'll try and go on a long drive on my own once a week from now on.

 

I don't mean to get all motherly, Ross, but you mean a lot to me and I'm a worrier sometimes.

Take care driving long distances in the snow.

It should be snowing there by now, yeah?

While I admire your commitment and perseverance, there's something to be said for safety too.

Big hugs, monkey!

[Ross MwcFan]

I don't mean to get all motherly, Ross, but you mean a lot to me and I'm a worrier sometimes.

Take care driving long distances in the snow.

It should be snowing there by now, yeah?

While I admire your commitment and perseverance, there's something to be said for safety too.

Big hugs, monkey!

 

Aw thanks. I'll take care.

 

There's no snow at the moment though, it hasn't snowed for a few days, it's just been raining instead.

[Ross MwcFan]

It's my birthday today.

[cerridwen]

It's my birthday today.

 

Happy birthday, Rossie. :bunny:

Many, many happy returns, love.