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My journal on trying to improve my life


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You are putting a negative spin on this and being unsettled. That is your main problem.

 

Instead of seeing it as giving up on life, you can make it rejoice in life and enjoy what you have.

 

But to me and to most other people, living that kind of a life would be negative.

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Yeah but see I worry about that kind of thing, it's like will it be obvious where the locker rooms are, what if I ask someone where they are and I misunderstand what they're saying and I end up going into the wrong room or something.

 

And there's the fact that I really wouldn't feel comfortable with getting undressed in front of other guys.

It really is not that bad, most places have separate shower and locker areas. It is not like a gentleman's cigar club or communal showers.

 

The wrong room, well, just look at the door name before walking through or knock before you enter. Problem solved.

 

I'm seriously considering volunteering at the hospital, here are the things that you can volunteer for,

 

• Recruitment Officer

• Meeting Facilitator

• Befriending

• Running an Info Cafe

• Music

• Art

• Cooking

• Games

• Gardening

• Outdoor Activities

• Quiz Night

• Youth Club Helper

• Interpreter

• Charity Member

• Fundraising

• Dining Companions

• Magazine Editor

• Admin and Clerical Work

• PAT Dog/Cat

• Special Projects

• Volunteer Activity Support (on the wards and in the community)

• Volunteer Health Care Support Worker (non-clinical)

 

I'm not really sure what a lot of these things would entail.

 

They say that they will pay for how much it costs for you to get there.

 

Now I now I'd feel okay with driving there, as I've driven there once before and the journey was quite simple.

 

But the only problem is, is that I don't know the directions, when I went last time my sister was in the car with me and gave me the directions.

 

GPS navigation can deal with directions. Don't worry about the pay, if you want to do it, then do it. Volunteer for something you have an interest in first.

 

In fact you will meet new people, make friends, and MAYBE find a mate, ONS, girlfriend or wife.

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To add to my last post... I really want to do this, I really want to end up with my own place, living in an area where I feel happy, doing a job that I enjoy, having some sort of a social life, and being able to date/have relationships.

 

 

Ariadne, are you sure you're not trying to do reverse phychology on me?

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Ask her to again or look them up online and do a test drive there.

 

I'm no good at remembering directions. Guess I'll have to buy a Sat Nav, hope it doesn't cost too much.

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But to me and to most other people, living that kind of a life would be negative.

 

Ariadne, are you sure you're not trying to do reverse phychology on me?

 

No, not trying to do reverse anything.

 

See, the negative part you mention is because people are conditioned to believe that that is bad.

 

I don't think it's that bad.

 

You don't have to worry about having a place to live, or going to a job you dread every day, or having a meal, or an income, or to be in an empty apartment with the cats.

 

I think you are pretty much ok, but unsettled. That is where you need to have more contentment.. When the time is right and you feel strong and the drive for it, you can do other things if you want.

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I think the most important thing for you now is to put into motion those things you have described. I have followed your posts for some time, you have a lot of good ideas, you just need to carry them out. What's holding you back? I understand you are probably a bit scared but I can guarantee you once you take that first step and get the ball rolling it will all become much easier and start falling into place.

 

You've spent enough time debating if / what you want to do... its time to go out there and do it! :)

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How is the therapy going, Ross?

 

Hey cerri, sorry it's taken me so long to reply. I saw your post on the day you posted it and planned on responding, but then I forgot.

 

Therapy is going well, the guy makes some really good revelations about myself, which always makes me think 'Omg, he's right!'

 

He's helping me to get my life together without being too pushy, he's fine with me taking things at my own pace. I find this really helps, if I was talkng to someone who was very pushy, I think it'd just have a negative effect and I wouldn't make as much progress.

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I'm glad you've found someone supportive, Ross. :)

Do you feel there's enough of a plan to move forward?

That you're clear on the next few steps?

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I think the most important thing for you now is to put into motion those things you have described. I have followed your posts for some time, you have a lot of good ideas, you just need to carry them out. What's holding you back? I understand you are probably a bit scared but I can guarantee you once you take that first step and get the ball rolling it will all become much easier and start falling into place.

 

You've spent enough time debating if / what you want to do... its time to go out there and do it! :)

 

Well, I've been spending a lot of time feeling scared, and doing research to look at all the opportunities. But yesterday, I thought I'd give voluntray work at an animal sanctury (yes the one that's far away) a shot.

 

So, I'm going to visit it and see how I feel about working there. I've asked my sister to come with me, so she can show me how to get there and show me around the place (since I feel a bit weird walking around there on my own).

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I'm glad you've found someone supportive, Ross. :)

Do you feel there's enough of a plan to move forward?

That you're clear on the next few steps?

 

Kind of. I mean, I don't know exactly what I want to do (college, voluntary work, both, working with animals, psychology, working in a hospital), but whatever I choose, we both know what the next few steps are that I'll need to take.

 

Yeah there's definatley enough of a plan to move forward.

 

Hey what are you doing on here so early?

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Kind of. I mean, I don't know exactly what I want to do (college, voluntary work, both, working with animals, psychology, working in a hospital), but whatever I choose, we both know what the next few steps are that I'll need to take.

 

Yeah there's definatley enough of a plan to move forward.

 

Hey what are you doing on here so early?

 

:D

What else?

Insomnia!

 

Voluntary work with animals sounds like a good mini-goal, R.

Gets you out of the house; supporting a good cause; socializing a bit.

It's great that whatever direction you move in, there's a small plan.

Keep that focus, yeah?

Your feet are continuing to take steps forward!

Yay!

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Well, I've just gone out and picked up a weights bench.

 

Hopefuly this means that I will be able to start doing weights regulary again (the main reason why I haven't done them for so long, is that I'm not able to do bench presses and flys, unless I use my bed to do them, but I don't want to wreck the materess, and you can't really get the right range of movement anyway).

 

The reason why I say 'hopefully', is because I do usually lack energy.

 

I did 'really' want to get a wieghts bench with the leg curl thing on it, as I hate doing squats and deadlifts (they take a lot out of me), but I couldn't find any benches which had the leg curl thing on them, and which could also fold up and be put away. Being able to fold the bench up and put it away is very important, since it will take up a lot of room in my room.

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  • 1 month later...
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Ross MwcFan

Sorry that I haven't updated this topic for so long.

 

Well, the working out is going okay, I'm working out about 3 times a week (would like to work out more though). I'm not sure if I'm seeing any benefits yet, although I think I'm looking more defined.

 

I've started to drive to town once a week, and go shopping on my own. I never would've dreampt of being able to drive to town and back on my own a few months back. The shopping on my own is a bit of a challenge too since I can sometimes feel nervous and awkward when interacting with the cashier.

 

I'm also going to start going to this place which will help me and give me the right support to find the kind of job that I would enjoy doing or at least feel comfortable with doing.

 

I also feel a lot more optimistic these days. When seeing certain negative posters (not a criticism) post, I used to be able to identify with them. Now when reading their posts it feels like we're polar opposites, their negativity stands out so much.

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Sorry that I haven't updated this topic for so long.

 

Well, the working out is going okay, I'm working out about 3 times a week (would like to work out more though). I'm not sure if I'm seeing any benefits yet, although I think I'm looking more defined.

 

I've started to drive to town once a week, and go shopping on my own. I never would've dreampt of being able to drive to town and back on my own a few months back. The shopping on my own is a bit of a challenge too since I can sometimes feel nervous and awkward when interacting with the cashier.

 

I'm also going to start going to this place which will help me and give me the right support to find the kind of job that I would enjoy doing or at least feel comfortable with doing.

 

I also feel a lot more optimistic these days. When seeing certain negative posters (not a criticism) post, I used to be able to identify with them. Now when reading their posts it feels like we're polar opposites, their negativity stands out so much.

 

I love this update. :)

That shift in your thinking, Ross is huge!

 

Congratulations on getting job support, too.

You're making your way to a better life.

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Ross MwcFan
I love this update. :)

That shift in your thinking, Ross is huge!

 

Congratulations on getting job support, too.

You're making your way to a better life.

 

Thanks! :)

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dreamingoftigers
Sorry that I haven't updated this topic for so long.

 

Well, the working out is going okay, I'm working out about 3 times a week (would like to work out more though). I'm not sure if I'm seeing any benefits yet, although I think I'm looking more defined.

 

I've started to drive to town once a week, and go shopping on my own. I never would've dreampt of being able to drive to town and back on my own a few months back. The shopping on my own is a bit of a challenge too since I can sometimes feel nervous and awkward when interacting with the cashier.

 

I'm also going to start going to this place which will help me and give me the right support to find the kind of job that I would enjoy doing or at least feel comfortable with doing.

 

I also feel a lot more optimistic these days. When seeing certain negative posters (not a criticism) post, I used to be able to identify with them. Now when reading their posts it feels like we're polar opposites, their negativity stands out so much.

 

Yay! I'm glad to see things looking up for you!

 

I have to get through your whole thread.

 

I wanted to say that you were one of the posters that was really kind and supportive of me during my dark time last year. Thanks. :D

 

As well, I worked as a cashier for 3.5 years at a grocery store. You would be surprised how many socially shy/uncomfortable folks there are out there. The average cashier at my store would put through 250 orders a shift. There was nothing on the greater scale of things problematic or uncomfortable dealing with someone who has a form of social anxiety. You are not in any way disturbing their day whatsoever. Plus they are there to serve you.

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Fantastic, Ross! You are one of the few on here who actually tries to change instead of just crying like a baby. Everything starts with a thought. Well done!

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Fantastic, Ross! You are one of the few on here who actually tries to change instead of just crying like a baby. Everything starts with a thought. Well done!

But how does his avatar picture look?

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Ross MwcFan
Yay! I'm glad to see things looking up for you!

 

I have to get through your whole thread.

 

Thanks dot.

 

I wanted to say that you were one of the posters that was really kind and supportive of me during my dark time last year. Thanks. :D

 

Hey no problem. :)

 

As well, I worked as a cashier for 3.5 years at a grocery store. You would be surprised how many socially shy/uncomfortable folks there are out there. The average cashier at my store would put through 250 orders a shift. There was nothing on the greater scale of things problematic or uncomfortable dealing with someone who has a form of social anxiety. You are not in any way disturbing their day whatsoever. Plus they are there to serve you.

 

I've never thought that I may be disturbing them or anything. I just sometimes feel awkward, and that makes me feel like I'm coming across as awkward, which makes me feel very self concious.

 

I used to work as a cashier too, at a car accessory shop.

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Ross MwcFan

Well, the fact that I'm going to start going to that place which will help me find a job is making me feel ill at ease a lot of the time and anxious, and I think this uncomfortableness/anxiety is spilling out into other areas of my life.

 

As today when I drove to town, I felt quite a lot more anxious and uncomfortable than I usually do.

 

When I was walkng around town and the shops, I felt very unlikeable, kind of an easy target, and unattractive to all women.

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ShatteredReality
Well, the fact that I'm going to start going to that place which will help me find a job is making me feel ill at ease a lot of the time and anxious, and I think this uncomfortableness/anxiety is spilling out into other areas of my life.

 

As today when I drove to town, I felt quite a lot more anxious and uncomfortable than I usually do.

 

When I was walkng around town and the shops, I felt very unlikeable, kind of an easy target, and unattractive to all women.

 

:( I'm sorry you felt that way, Ross. I can tell you this - even a homely looking fella will seem attractive if he carries himself with confidence. We've all been following you for awhile, and I know it all has to come from internal sources for you to actually believe it - but I'll tell you this. Honestly. You are sweet, kind, caring - your personality is attractive. And, from the photos you've posted - you actually have quite a few positive attributes. Now, I am married, so I try not to overstep my bounds by over complimenting any man, but I'll tell you out the gate that you have a great smile and beautiful eyes. Find the thing you like about yourself and go from there. I have self confidence issues...constantly ragging on myself for being plain looking or heavy or something...and I abhor how I look in my glasses - but I work on it. I have really pretty eyes and I love how my lips are shaped. So I start there. I concentrate on liking those things and try to branch out from there...I have some freckles - they're light and they kinda do a W shape across my face over the bridge of my nose. I have learned to like that, too. Oh, and my hair - I love how shiny it is in the sun....

 

Start simple. When you go out, remember to breathe...and when the anxiety trips you up and you feel vulnerable - when you think someone is watching you or staring as you pass, remember they might be trying to get a better look at your eyes...or hoping to see you smile....

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Ross MwcFan
:( I'm sorry you felt that way, Ross. I can tell you this - even a homely looking fella will seem attractive if he carries himself with confidence. We've all been following you for awhile, and I know it all has to come from internal sources for you to actually believe it - but I'll tell you this. Honestly. You are sweet, kind, caring - your personality is attractive. And, from the photos you've posted - you actually have quite a few positive attributes. Now, I am married, so I try not to overstep my bounds by over complimenting any man, but I'll tell you out the gate that you have a great smile and beautiful eyes. Find the thing you like about yourself and go from there. I have self confidence issues...constantly ragging on myself for being plain looking or heavy or something...and I abhor how I look in my glasses - but I work on it. I have really pretty eyes and I love how my lips are shaped. So I start there. I concentrate on liking those things and try to branch out from there...I have some freckles - they're light and they kinda do a W shape across my face over the bridge of my nose. I have learned to like that, too. Oh, and my hair - I love how shiny it is in the sun....

 

Start simple. When you go out, remember to breathe...and when the anxiety trips you up and you feel vulnerable - when you think someone is watching you or staring as you pass, remember they might be trying to get a better look at your eyes...or hoping to see you smile....

 

Thanks SR, that's really sweet of you to say.

 

I'm not keen on how I look in glasses either. I'll always wear contacts whenever I go out.

 

Have you ever thought of looking into getting contacts?

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ShatteredReality
Thanks SR, that's really sweet of you to say.

 

I'm not keen on how I look in glasses either. I'll always wear contacts whenever I go out.

 

Have you ever thought of looking into getting contacts?

 

Yeah - I have been having troubles with my contacts though. Back in October my son gave me pink eye, after that I formed a problem called "infiltrates" where my body sends too many white blood cells to my cornea at the smallest allergen or issue. Those white blood cells build on top of each other until they form small blisters on my cornea and then pop. Oh, and I have blood vessels on my cornea from wearing contacts for the last 15yrs and depriving my eyes of oxygen apparently (so don't go for the cheap contacts!!!!!). Anyhow, been to the eye dr a ton of times...they tell me once this clears up for three months I should get lasik, or I can get back into contacts, but that I will likely be completely out of contacts in 5-10yrs. So lasik sounds like the better deal. Apparently it can take up to a year for this infiltrates thing to clear up...I went a little over a month before this last relapse. We'll see if I am clear through June...until then I am trying to squirrel away some change for lasik...I suppose I need the time to save anyhow...

 

You look good in your glasses, btw...I am totally jealous!

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Ross MwcFan
Yeah - I have been having troubles with my contacts though. Back in October my son gave me pink eye, after that I formed a problem called "infiltrates" where my body sends too many white blood cells to my cornea at the smallest allergen or issue. Those white blood cells build on top of each other until they form small blisters on my cornea and then pop.

 

Man, that sounds nasty.

 

Oh, and I have blood vessels on my cornea from wearing contacts for the last 15yrs and depriving my eyes of oxygen apparently (so don't go for the cheap contacts!!!!!).

 

Yup, I've had the same problem, I used to wear hard contacts.

 

Now I wear soft disposable contacts which are 2nd to the most gas permeable. The ones that are most gas permeable are a bit too expensive for me.

 

Anyhow, been to the eye dr a ton of times...they tell me once this clears up for three months I should get lasik, or I can get back into contacts, but that I will likely be completely out of contacts in 5-10yrs. So lasik sounds like the better deal. Apparently it can take up to a year for this infiltrates thing to clear up...I went a little over a month before this last relapse. We'll see if I am clear through June...until then I am trying to squirrel away some change for lasik...I suppose I need the time to save anyhow...

 

Maybe I'll get laser eye surgery once I've got a job and can afford it.

 

You look good in your glasses, btw...I am totally jealous!

 

Hey thanks! A lot of people on here have said they even prefer the way I look with glasses. But personally I think they make me look wimpy and lame.

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