My journal on trying to improve my life

[carhill]

Stuff happens. Just learn from it and move on. You've been driving four years and haven't totaled your car nor apparently received a traffic citation. Around these parts that's pretty good.

[AlexDP]

Over the past 3 or 4 months, there's been 4 incidents, not accidents, incidents.

 

1. Driving down an unfamiliar fairly narrow street with parked cars along one side of it, so passing an oncoming car hardly leaves you with any space. I was going along, and then there was an oncoming car, the parked cars were on his side so I guess it should've been him who gave way. I think I was going a little too fast as I wasn't used to that kind of street, as soon as the oncoming car got near, I thought I wasn't going to make it, so I braked quickly and turned a bit to the left, which resulted in my tyre hitting/scraping against the curb, coming to a halt and stalling the car, the other car carried on as though he didn't have a care in the world. I guess maybe this might be more nearer to an 'accident' than 'incident' since my tyre did hit the side of the curb.

 

2. I was driving down a main road with a car behind me, I was slowing down and hesitating because my sister wanted me to pull over somewhere so she could go into the shop, I wasn't sure if I could just pull over and park at the side of the main road, and the car behind me beeped at me, just because I was going a bit slow and hesitating for about 5 to 10 seconds.

 

3. I was driving along my sisters street, and there was a parked car on one side of the road, and a parked van opposite on the other side of the road, I think because I was already flustered from the other two incidents, that as I got really close to them I only just realised that I may not fit through and I had to suddenly brake. I still wasn't sure if I could make it through so I just parked behind the van, and me and my sister had to get the shopping out of the car and carry it all the way up the street to her house.

 

These 3 things happened in one day. Usually I'm not that unlucky.

 

4. About 2 or 3 months later, I was driving while I was pretty tired (I never thought that I shouldn't be driving because of being tired, but now I always make sure that I don't drive when I feel tired), my mum was going on at me making me confused about whether I was going to give her a lift back home or not and where I was going to park, so I was tired and distracted, I was coming up to a pedestrian crossing (which you're supposed to stop at if someone is waiting to cross, or if someone is already crossing it (obviously), I didn't see this old woman crossing it, until she was near to my car (she wasn't directly infront of my car, but several feet over to the side), but she had either already stopped walking, or she stopped walking 'after' I spotted her out of the corner of my eye, when it would've looked like I wasn't going to stop .

 

I thought '****', and came to a sudden stop, because you're supposed to stop at a pedestrian crossing, and it was just a split second rection after seeing her out of the corner of my eye (I guess for that split second I wasn't sure if she had stopped or was still walking).

 

I didn't have to stop so suddenly that it was an emergency break or that the tyres screeched though. Plus, the woman was kind of in the wrong too. Even though thy have right of way at a pedestrian crossing, you shouldn't just walk over it when a car is coming towards it that is showing no signs of slowing down, and to just expect them to stop or to see you.

 

Whenever I'm at a pedestrian crossing, I make sure that the cars have started to slow down first (so I know they're going to stop), before crossing.

 

So that's what has happened over the past 3 or 4 months.

 

I've been driving for 4 years, granted I've not been that adventureous while driving and have totally limited myself to fairly simple routes, and haven't driven as much as the average person would have driven over this time period, I've just driven around 3000 miles, due to low confidence in my driving ability and suffering from anxiety, but the only 'accident' I've had in this whole time was a few weeks after I got my first car and I scraped the corner of my bumper against a post.

 

Around a year ago, I was feeling very unconfident about my driving ability, and was thinking maybe I should give up, maybe I shouldn't have a license. I told my doctor this, and he said, if you weren't fit for driving, you wouldn't have passed your driving test for the first time (I'm sure the driving test in the UK is one of the strictest or maybe the strictest driving test in the world). And he does seem to have a point.

 

Okay. I would hardly call those incidents. Seems you are not capable of driving in stressful situations though. I wonder what you'd do on a busy highway in a foreign country.. But if you're not planning on doing that anytime soon, I suppose you're good to go.

 

But the bigger question is: why are you so insecure in your car? Please remember that insecurity leads to accidents as well.

[Ross MwcFan]

I was just starting to feel a little better, until a certain poster said something to me in a different topic on here, now I feel like complete crap again.

 

I really don't need people being cold and making assholish comments towards me this right now.

Edited September 5, 2012 by Ross MwcFan

[AlexDP]

I was just starting to feel a little better, until a certain poster said something to me in a different topic on here, now I feel like complete crap again.

 

I really don't need people being cold and making assholish comments towards me this right now.

 

Stop with this self pity. You don't have control over other people's action, but you do over your reactions.

[Ross MwcFan]

Stop with this self pity. You don't have control over other people's action, but you do over your reactions.

 

 

If I could suddenly change my feelings I would do.

 

Yet another sympathetic, understanding person on LS.

[denise_xo]

I agree that you should keep driving.

 

On the below: try to take things less personal. I know it's hard, it's something I worked on for years and years. But it's really important.

 

I was just starting to feel a little better, until a certain poster said something to me in a different topic on here, now I feel like complete crap again.

 

I really don't need people being cold and making assholish comments towards me this right now.

[Ross MwcFan]

Stop with this self pity. You don't have control over other people's action, but you do over your reactions.

 

So I'm supposed to force myself to smile all the time, and not complain when someone is an ******* towards me?

 

I guess you'd do the same wouldn't you, if I suddenly started insulting you right now?

[denise_xo]

So I'm supposed to force myself to smile all the time, and not complain when someone is an ******* towards me?

 

No one is saying you should smile. It's more about it being possible to stand up for yourself without at the same time letting a bad comment get you so down that it ruins your day.

[AlexDP]

If I could suddenly change my feelings I would do.

 

Yet another sympathetic, understanding person on LS.

 

Again you choose self pity. See what you do here? It's a choice. You LIKE self pity. It's safe.

Edited September 6, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[CarrieT]

So I'm supposed to force myself to smile all the time?

 

Yes.

 

It is known as "walking the walk and talking the talk" or "Fake It 'Till You Make It."

 

Ross - part of changing your outlook on life is a daily exercise of one's psyche. And just like physical exercise, you don't see benefits until you do it a lot and continuously.

 

By forcing yourself to smile and act as though nothing is wrong, eventually the synapses in your brain become more accustomed to THOSE reactions than the ones which occur when you are being down and depressed. It is a chemical reaction in the brain that takes time to become effective, but if you pretend you are happy, joyful, and positive for a solid week, I can absolutely GUARANTEE that without even thinking about it, for a few hours on your eighth day of the experiment, you WILL be happy, joyful, and positive.

[Ross MwcFan]

Yes.

 

It is known as "walking the walk and talking the talk" or "Fake It 'Till You Make It."

 

Ross - part of changing your outlook on life is a daily exercise of one's psyche. And just like physical exercise, you don't see benefits until you do it a lot and continuously.

 

By forcing yourself to smile and act as though nothing is wrong, eventually the synapses in your brain become more accustomed to THOSE reactions than the ones which occur when you are being down and depressed. It is a chemical reaction in the brain that takes time to become effective, but if you pretend you are happy, joyful, and positive for a solid week, I can absolutely GUARANTEE that without even thinking about it, for a few hours on your eighth day of the experiment, you WILL be happy, joyful, and positive.

 

I'll try doing that.

 

I really need to not let idiots online get to me, I'm only giving them what they want.

[Ross MwcFan]

It could take 6 to 9 months until I have the appeal, in the mean time I'll be on a lot less money. It's kind of making me think '**** it', maybe I should just waste most of my life on a job.

 

Thinking of stopping going to my therapist, since he keeps trying to push me all the time, even though I repeatedly explain to him that I can't deal with trying to push myself right now and that I'm just finding day to day living a real struggle and a challenge.

 

It's making me feel very stressed, and pressured, and when I'm there it just makes me feel depressed. And it's actually putting me off trying to make progress/push myself.

 

I just want to be able to go there, and have someone to talk to about the things I'm struggling with and my problems, and for him to give me support and to try and help me. And for him to be able to give me support and to help me, 'when' I'm able to try making some progress/pushing myself.

 

I'm actually starting to dread going there every time now.

 

On Monday I'll be seeing the doc, and I'm going to tell him about how I'm feeling, and that I always feel tired throughout the day. I'm hoping he may change the medication that I'm on.

 

On Tuesday, I'm going to have to go to some lame work related interview thing again. Which means I'll have to get up a lot more earlier than usual and I may feel too tired to drive there, so I'll have to spend a fortune on a taxi there and back. So this itself will be a challenge and will be pushing me out of my comfort zone, but I bet that wont be enough for the therapist and he'll be wanting me to do 'this' and 'that' on top of it, as though I'm normal and don't struggle with life at all.

Edited September 7, 2012 by Ross MwcFan

[denise_xo]

It could take 6 to 9 months until I have the appeal, in the mean time I'll be on a lot less money. It's kind of making me think '**** it', maybe I should just waste most of my life on a job.

 

Thinking of stopping going to my therapist, since he keeps trying to push me all the time, even though I repeatedly explain to him that I can't deal with trying to push myself right now and that I'm just finding day to day living a real struggle and a challenge.

 

It's making me feel very stressed, and pressured, and when I'm there it just makes me feel depressed. And it's actually putting me off trying to make progress/push myself.

 

I just want to be able to go there, and have someone to talk to about the things I'm struggling with and my problems, and for him to give me support and to try and help me. And for him to be able to give me support and to help me, 'when' I'm able to try making some progress/pushing myself.

 

I'm actually starting to dread going there every time now.

 

On Monday I'll be seeing the doc, and I'm going to tell him about how I'm feeling, and that I always feel tired throughout the day. I'm hoping he may change the medication that I'm on.

 

On Tuesday, I'm going to have to go to some lame work related interview thing again. Which means I'll have to get up a lot more earlier than usual and I may feel too tired to drive there, so I'll have to spend a fortune on a taxi there and back. So this itself will be a challenge and will be pushing me out of my comfort zone, but I bet that wont be enough for the therapist and he'll be wanting me to do 'this' and 'that' on top of it, as though I'm normal and don't struggle with life at all.

 

I see that you are not happy with your therapist's approach. Do you have any better ideas for how to approach and improve your situation?

 

Does the 'lame job interview' mean you are being interviewed for a potential job?

[Ross MwcFan]

I see that you are not happy with your therapist's approach. Do you have any better ideas for how to approach and improve your situation?

 

Does the 'lame job interview' mean you are being interviewed for a potential job?

 

The only thing I can think of is to tell my therapist to stop pushing me, but I doubt he will, as I've explained to him in the past how it isn't helping and that I can't deal with even just day to day living, and he said okay, let's just help you with trying to cope with day to day living then, I wont push you again. Then the next week he's back to pushing me again.

 

The lame interview thing will be an information and support session which will be a presentation from members of the health and well being team, and then an opportunity to discuss their offer of support with an advisor.

[denise_xo]

The only thing I can think of is to tell my therapist to stop pushing me, but I doubt he will, as I've explained to him in the past how it isn't helping and that I can't deal with even just day to day living, and he said okay, let's just help you with trying to cope with day to day living then, I wont push you again. Then the next week he's back to pushing me again.

 

The lame interview thing will be an information and support session which will be a presentation from members of the health and well being team, and then an opportunity to discuss their offer of support with an advisor.

 

I guess your therapist is just seeing his job as trying to help you be proactive with something. So, if the suggestions he is giving you aren't helping, then instead of telling him 'don't do X', you could say 'instead of trying to make me do X, I'd like you to support me with doing Y'. The point being, that there is probably an assumption there that for you to improve your situation requires that you are actively doing something to change it.

 

So, how are you planning to tell these people during the meeting? Do you have a plan for expressing what you need?

[Ross MwcFan]

I guess your therapist is just seeing his job as trying to help you be proactive with something. So, if the suggestions he is giving you aren't helping, then instead of telling him 'don't do X', you could say 'instead of trying to make me do X, I'd like you to support me with doing Y'. The point being, that there is probably an assumption there that for you to improve your situation requires that you are actively doing something to change it.

 

So, how are you planning to tell these people during the meeting? Do you have a plan for expressing what you need?

 

I've got no idea what I need.

 

Maybe I could tell them that I could just about cope with working as long as it's in a friendly compassionate enviroment, like maybe a hospital or somethign to do with helping animals.

[florence of suburbia]

Do they have temping agencies in the UK? It would be so great for you if you could just get yourself out there, even if it sucks! Just to say you've had a few jobs under your belt. If the jobs are temporary, you won't have to do them for long and you'll learn different skill sets.

 

The worst that can happen is you have a few bad days. Then they're over. And you have work experience!

[denise_xo]

Maybe I could tell them that I could just about cope with working as long as it's in a friendly compassionate enviroment, like maybe a hospital or somethign to do with helping animals.

 

It would be so great for you if you could just get yourself out there, even if it sucks! Just to say you've had a few jobs under your belt. If the jobs are temporary, you won't have to do them for long and you'll learn different skill sets.

 

The worst that can happen is you have a few bad days. Then they're over. And you have work experience!

 

Ross, I agree that it could be potentially beneficial to have a go at some work experience. I appreciate that you struggle socially and to function in a work situation. But what do you really have to lose to give it a try, if you get the opportunity? You have said you are not happy with the way things are, so why not give some work experience a try along with the opportunity of actually earning some money. For the vast majority of people, earning a salary is empowering, even if work isn't always fun all the time. On the other side, all jobs aren't horrible all of the time. Try to approach it from a middle of the road position and see what you can get out of it without judging it beforehand or worrying too much about this or that before it's actually happened.

[Ross MwcFan]

Ross, I agree that it could be potentially beneficial to have a go at some work experience. I appreciate that you struggle socially and to function in a work situation. But what do you really have to lose to give it a try, if you get the opportunity? You have said you are not happy with the way things are, so why not give some work experience a try along with the opportunity of actually earning some money. For the vast majority of people, earning a salary is empowering, even if work isn't always fun all the time. On the other side, all jobs aren't horrible all of the time. Try to approach it from a middle of the road position and see what you can get out of it without judging it beforehand or worrying too much about this or that before it's actually happened.

 

I will try, I am actually seriously considering doing some sort of work.

[Ross MwcFan]

I worked out for the first time in months yesterday, hopefully I'll be able to stick to doing it regulary.

[denise_xo]

Sounds good. I need to get my sorry ass to the gym, too

[Ross MwcFan]

I attempted to go to the information and support session, for some reason I assumed it would be at the job centre, but when I went there they told me that I had got the wrong place and it's in another building.

 

They gave me directions but I'm no good at following directions, so I couldn't find it.

 

I went back to my car, and tried to find the street on a map, but I couldn't find the street, it didn't seem to be on the map, even though the map was of the area that i was in.

 

By this time it was already 15 minutes past the time I was supposed to see them, so I tried ringing them to tell them I couldn't make it, but 2 of the buttons on my phone had stopped working properly, so I took me many, many tries to try dialing the number.

 

Finally I got it to work and I told them that I wasn't able to find them, and they told me I could have another appointment at 1pm today, they gave me directions, I tried to quickly scribble them down as best I could as she was telling me.

 

I then started the car and drove off planning on going home, but then thought, what if I have a hard time finding it again and it makes me late, probably best to try and find it now while I've got the time, and then I'll remember when I come back.

 

So, I turned down a street, found another car park (this time with unlimited time) which was a lot closer to the place, and I got out the car and tried to find it. I ended up finding it and this time it wasn't too difficult.

 

Now I'm back home.

 

Gutted that my phone is bust and that I'll have to buy a new one, as I think new ones might be really expensive. And then I'll have no idea how to change things so when I pay money to make calls it'll go onto the new phone instead of the old one.

[Ross MwcFan]

I went there and they asked me if I'd like to see them regulary (they're there to help you find work that 'you' feel you could do, and help you with other things like your CV, etc. It's not about pushing you into anything).

 

I could've have said no, as it's not something you have to do. But, I decided to say yes.

 

Oh, and I never had to explain to them about what work I feel I might just about be able to cope with.

[CarrieT]

How are your daily "pretending to be happy" exercises coming along?

[Ross MwcFan]

Oh, and the doc has upped my dose.

 

How are your daily "pretending to be happy" exercises coming along?

 

I'm not sure exactlty what you mean by that. Do you mean the exercise where I ask myself all of those questions about why I'm feeling the way I'm feeling, etc?

 

I've been trying it (a lot of the time I will forget to do it), and it doesn't seem to be making any difference I don't think.