Another one bites the dust?

[BluEyeL]

Yes, the texting isn't important. My husband didn't call me until like a year into the relationship. We didn't add each other on facebook until 5 months in.

 

What I would like to know is if the next date is on or not. That's what matters. If it's not set up then that's a problem.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Yes, the texting isn't important. My husband didn't call me until like a year into the relationship. We didn't add each other on facebook until 5 months in.

 

What I would like to know is if the next date is on or not. That's what matters. If it's not set up then that's a problem.

 

Yes, the dates have been set up regularly, all initiated by him, we are way beyond date 2.

 

We have date number 4 tomorrow night, talking about date 5 for the weekend. That is 4 dates in 9 days of knowing him which is a lot.

 

Facebook thing bugs me still, if he is that transparent he should have readily added me. For example, he said he told everyone at work about me. I guess in your case BlueEyed, neither of you mentioned it so it's kind of different. In my case he is being directly evasive here.

 

Genuine people hide nothing, you know?

 

Calling is irrelevant, I specifically can not stand talking on the phone and have told him this. He can't stand it either. I have a phone phobia. It was me that told him *don't call, text*. What's with everyone's obsession with phone calls and dismissing social media? Anybody can make a phone call. Social media on the other hand contains network of information that can be tricky to handle if someone is hiding something.

Edited November 7, 2017 by Eternal Sunshine

[Kamille]

On the date tomorrow, talk about adding each other on Facebook.

 

As you can see from people here, attitude towards Facebook vary - the same way preferences about texting and calling vary. I personally prefer not to add people I'm just dating until such a time I feel secure that we are boyfriend and girlfriend.

 

It can be a preference. Until you talk to him, try not to make assumptions based on what you he "should" do regarding Facebook.

[Cookiesandough]

I don't add guys to my private Instagram even when they insist a lot because I know theyre not going to be in my life for long and I don't want to have strange guys I went on a couple dates with with forever ago on there or have to unfriend them lol. I still have several requests I never added and people have called me suspicious to my face about it xD

[Eternal Sunshine]

On the date tomorrow, talk about adding each other on Facebook.

 

As you can see from people here, attitude towards Facebook vary - the same way preferences about texting and calling vary. I personally prefer not to add people I'm just dating until such a time I feel secure that we are boyfriend and girlfriend.

 

It can be a preference. Until you talk to him, try not to make assumptions based on what you he "should" do regarding Facebook.

 

Yup, I would feel much better if he straight up said that he doesn't like to add someone he just started dating. But he just changed the topic and continued sweet talk. That's what bugs me.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I don't add guys to my private Instagram even when they insist a lot because I know theyre not going to be in my life for long and I don't want to have strange guys I went on a couple dates with with forever ago on there or have to unfriend them lol. I still have several requests I never added and people have called me suspicious to my face about it xD

 

I guess that's the problem. He tells me that he sees long term future with me constantly without me even asking or mentioning it. Isn't someone that feels that strongly curious about my Facebook too? Something just doesn't add up.

[amaysngrace]

I don't understand why you're so inclined to think the worst. Sure he might be a player, sure he may just be speaking like sugar to get in your pants, maybe he is hiding something on Facebook, etc but why can't you give him the benefit of the doubt until you get to know him better?

 

It's like you have these expectations on how he should act and what he should say in response to something to you've said and if he doesn't do things just as you've wanted him to do you automatically think the worst about him.

 

Is it just him or are you always like this?

[Kamille]

The sweet talk does sound like a bit much to be honest. You guys have been dating only a little over a week.

 

Still, stop trying to read into the Facebook thing.

 

Sit back, observe, but try not to "should" him just yet. Or ever.

 

Look at this way: sweet talk could be an incompatibility. That is up to you to decide. Him adding you or not on Facebook after knowing you for one week? That's not really incompatibility material.

[clia]

Guys I couldn't hold off.

 

I asked him the following

 

Me: "Hey do you have facebook? I don't need to add you or anything...just curious.."

 

Him: "Yeah, it's the only social media I use but it's full of pics and videos of cats and dogs :lmao:"

 

You told him you weren't looking for him to add you...so he didn't. It also seems like he doesn't use it very much or for anything personal. If he's not into it, he probably doesn't care that much about it. I really don't see anything suspicious at this point.

[No_Go]

I guess that's the problem. He tells me that he sees long term future with me constantly without me even asking or mentioning it. Isn't someone that feels that strongly curious about my Facebook too? Something just doesn't add up.

 

‘Long-term future’ talk after 2-3 dates is not sweet - it is a sign of love bombing. Watch out for hidden agendas....

 

For FB I still think it means nothing. Quick test: how many friends he have (if you can see this)? If he’s in 1000s, beware. If few hundred - you’re fine.

[Cookiesandough]

Guys I couldn't hold off.

 

I asked him the following

 

Me: "Hey do you have facebook? I don't need to add you or anything...just curious.."

 

Him: "Yeah, it's the only social media I use but it's full of pics and videos of cats and dogs :lmao:"

 

Me: "Aw that's cute. So how would I find you on there?"

 

Him: "Under a name XY. I already found you ages ago :laugh:" *his last name is a play of letters from his actual last name*

 

Me: "Oh wow, some hot pics on there BTW I had to ask because there are some dishonest people on these apps. You never said or did anything to make me doubt you. It's just that my internet stalking skills suck :p"

 

Him:"Hell, I am definitely single . I don't even have pics of any exes on there so any female you see is a friend. Lucky there are many other qualities that make up for your poor internet stalking skills :p"

 

So we flirt a bit more but....dum dum. He didn't send me a friend request :eek:

 

Do you think that's weird? He has plenty of public stuff and none looks suspicious. I am just used to guys freely trying to add me since date 1.

 

Also do you think he now thinks I am crazy?

Man. This guys sounds like me. Guys have always told me this is suspicious. I've always though 'Jeez, it's just social media' but now seeing it from your perspective I would be a little wary too. Now I understand!

 

I guess that's the problem. He tells me that he sees long term future with me constantly without me even asking or mentioning it. Isn't someone that feels that strongly curious about my Facebook too? Something just doesn't add up.

 

I agree that is odd. I would have assumed he wasn't sure yet how things were going to unfold. Maybe he is a very private person and/or wants to know for sure things will work out before he adds you.

 

However, in light of him saying this sugary stuff, it would have seemed kind of inconsistent for him to give to give you that reason...

Edited November 7, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[Eternal Sunshine]

So I straight up asked him and he evaded again.

 

Took him 30 minutes to reply.

 

I said: "Hey so out of curiousity, do you have a preference on not adding people you have just started to date on FB?"

 

Over 30 minutes later (I don't think he ever took more than 5-10 minutes to reply):

 

"That's an interesting question. For me FB is mostly about cats and dogs. I don't have a preference"

 

then again "I dunno, maybe it would be cool to exchange funny gifs".

 

still hasn't added me....

 

What do I say now? He is a smart guy, if he truly didn't care, he would have just added me.

 

I know you are all going to say that I am crazy, but I don't think I am

[Eternal Sunshine]

Update: he just sent a friend request.

 

My bet is that 30 minute delay was him cleaning up his FB. I have now got about 10 messages from him saying that he "fell asleep so didn't see my msg immediately", even though I didn't ask about the delay.

 

This is shady right?

 

No_go, yes "love bombing" came to mind.

[Kamille]

So I straight up asked him and he evaded again.

 

Took him 30 minutes to reply.

 

I said: "Hey so out of curiousity, do you have a preference on not adding people you have just started to date on FB?"

 

Over 30 minutes later (I don't think he ever took more than 5-10 minutes to reply):

 

"That's an interesting question. For me FB is mostly about cats and dogs. I don't have a preference"

 

then again "I dunno, maybe it would be cool to exchange funny gifs".

 

still hasn't added me....

 

What do I say now? He is a smart guy, if he truly didn't care, he would have just added me.

 

I know you are all going to say that I am crazy, but I don't think I am

Why are you having these conversations through text? He would not have been able to «*evade*» in person and also you would have his reactions to go on.

 

 

Also, you are making a big deal out of something you specifically told him wasn’t a big deal. What’s going on ES? Why are you sabotaging?

[Kamille]

Update: he just sent a friend request.

 

My bet is that 30 minute delay was him cleaning up his FB. I have now got about 10 messages from him saying that he "fell asleep so didn't see my msg immediately", even though I didn't ask about the delay.

 

This is shady right?

 

No_go, yes "love bombing" came to mind.

 

It’s simple: if you don’t trust him, dump him.

[No_Go]

Update: he just sent a friend request.

 

My bet is that 30 minute delay was him cleaning up his FB. I have now got about 10 messages from him saying that he "fell asleep so didn't see my msg immediately", even though I didn't ask about the delay.

 

This is shady right?

 

No_go, yes "love bombing" came to mind.

 

It's good he added you, although I agree with you he used the lag time to 'clean up' (or most likely: change privacy settings). Not necessarily a bad thing - I'd have done the same if adding someone I don't now well.

 

For love bombing: just trust your gut. The older I get the more I believe our gut tells us waaaay too much and if we only listen (and don't fall into the self-doubt 'modern' psychology)- we'd spare ourselves trouble.

 

He could be legit, or not - I think if 3-4 weeks from now you'd now either way.

[No_Go]

It’s simple: if you don’t trust him, dump him.

 

Why so harsh - it takes a bit of time to sense the person. I'd say anything under a month is too little information to proceed either way.

[Kamille]

Why so harsh - it takes a bit of time to sense the person. I'd say anything under a month is too little information to proceed either way.

 

Exactly. But ES isn't doing this. She isn't getting to know him. She's putting him on trial.

 

I was harsh in the hopes she would realize she doesn't have any information yet, just pure conjecture.

 

ES, what's the worst case scenario here? That he is lying?

 

Then take your time getting attached. Stay balanced. Focus on other things in your life. That's the complete opposite from analyzing every single thing he does - which only keeps your focus on him.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Why so harsh - it takes a bit of time to sense the person. I'd say anything under a month is too little information to proceed either way.

 

Love bombing and excessive sweet talk have never led to good outcomes in the past. I guess that's why I am wary. The guy that lied about being divorced? Same pattern. The guy that lied about being 10 years younger? Same pattern.

 

Also the same pattern of FB evasion.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Exactly. But ES isn't doing this. She isn't getting to know him. She's putting him on trial.

 

I was harsh in the hopes she would realize she doesn't have any information yet, just pure conjecture.

 

ES, what's the worst case scenario here? That he is lying?

 

Then take your time getting attached. Stay balanced. Focus on other things in your life. That's the complete opposite from analyzing every single thing he does - which only keeps your focus on him.

 

I know that you are a kind person Kamille so I know you have good intentions.

 

I had to rearrange a number of work meetings tomorrow to make the movie we wanted to see. I also want to submit a paper that I was supposed to finish tomorrow night. I guess I was hoping if I bring it up tonight, there will be a clear resolution so that I can cancel the date, end things and get on with work

[Kamille]

Thanks. We sure do go way back .

 

I'm not invested in things working out with this guy, but I am invested in things working out for you. And yes, right now I'm a bit frustrated. I'll own to that.

 

 

I know that you are a kind person Kamille so I know you have good intentions.

 

I had to rearrange a number of work meetings tomorrow to make the movie we wanted to see. I also want to submit a paper that I was supposed to finish tomorrow night. I guess I was hoping if I bring it up tonight, there will be a clear resolution so that I can cancel the date, end things and get on with work

 

Resolution to what?

Edited November 7, 2017 by Kamille

[Eternal Sunshine]

So I added him....and he is quite far from "loner" he says he is. He is also far from posting pics of cats and dogs like he said.

 

No wonder he didn't want to add me.

 

He only seems to have female friends. Especially one that constantly wears low cut tops and "checks in" with him alone at least once a week. They seem to go out drinking a lot and post love hearts to each other. Her relationship status is "single".

 

The other most featured person is another attractive female and she and the other one seem to argue and flirt with him on everything he posts.

 

Just looks like bad news all around.

 

Am I overreacting?

 

Not any male friends in sight.

[planb1973]

I know that you are a kind person Kamille so I know you have good intentions.

 

I had to rearrange a number of work meetings tomorrow to make the movie we wanted to see. I also want to submit a paper that I was supposed to finish tomorrow night. I guess I was hoping if I bring it up tonight, there will be a clear resolution so that I can cancel the date, end things and get on with work

 

It really reads as though you are looking for any reason to dump this guy. There is a certain amount of blind trust you have to have at the beginning. You are going to kill this if you don't stop. You have been on what 3 dates so far? You don't really know anything about him. Yes he could be married, or a serial killer, or even a Trump supporter, but the reality is you don't know and you are making stuff up based on fears left over from your past. This guy could be genuine and simply really likes you. Non of this you will know unless you relax, keep your eyes open and see where it goes.

 

As for FB who cares. Personally I don't add new love interests until its been months and things are more established. And if anyone looks me up they won't find much on me. Why? because I enjoy my privacy. Nothing to hide, just prefer my privacy and share my life with people I am more intimate with.

 

Maybe take a look as to what is driving your paranoia and sit with that for a while. I don't mean to be harsh, just would hate to see you kill something that might not be what you are making it out to be.

[amaysngrace]

It’s simple: if you don’t trust him, dump him.

 

^^^

This a million times over!

[planb1973]

So I added him....and he is quite far from "loner" he says he is. He is also far from posting pics of cats and dogs like he said.

 

No wonder he didn't want to add me.

 

He only seems to have female friends. Especially one that constantly wears low cut tops and "checks in" with him alone at least once a week. They seem to go out drinking a lot and post love hearts to each other. Her relationship status is "single".

 

The other most featured person is another attractive female and she and the other one seem to argue and flirt with him on everything he posts.

 

Just looks like bad news all around.

 

Am I overreacting?

 

Not any male friends in sight.

 

Forget my last post... sounds like he has a lot on his plate...