Another one bites the dust?

[No_Go]

It wasn't just that question in isolation.

That's what I was trying to point out - this was his character (more passive), not that he didn't like you

 

My point was just to draw the clear distinction between passive and not that interested. Ok, agreed here. He did bring up plans though (he asked Thu or next week - i.e gave her his schedule).

 

they know you're clearly interested try to get that date down with you pretty soon unless they're just casually/multi dating in which case you're on the low heat in the back The ones that know that are very interested after one meet are also the guys that are on a GF/wifey hunt. My ex was like this: for him, it was just time to check this off his list. I happen to be there I guess

 

All that I'm saying is the guy shouldn't be discarded just because he doesn't play by the dating rules which are, well, games to 'prove' interest...

 

It wasn't just that question in isolation. He also asked me "So what day would you like to meet? What time would you like to meet?" It was passivity and I guess too much of that just drives me nuts. Particularly since he asked me out. My point was just to draw the clear distinction between passive and not that interested. A lukewarm person would have been more like "yes. Let's meet up again soon/ next week" then not bring up any clear plans until you mention it or something like that.

 

Still, the entire planning process for our first date was like pulling teeth, and planning dates with someone should never be like that. I'd never say the guy should always initiate...not at all. But I believe interested guys, be they extroverts/introverts, if they know you're clearly interested try to get that date down with you pretty soon unless they're just casually/multi dating in which case you're on the low heat in the back

[Mkn1010]

Falls off the map* I didn't mean OP's guy. Sorry Ive been straying from topic. I've just been chatting about general communication standards with nogo and Mkn

 

 

Yeah I was specifically addressing OP's situation. I'm familiar with the fact that you personally feel that keeping up with texting daily is indicative of the requisite level of interest. People differ greatly in terms of their communication style/neediness.

[Cookiesandough]

Mkn you said it was clingy for a guy to text daily that's not got to do with OP and many would disagree. It's quite common to ppl's experience with men that were very interested in them as ruby slippers and a few others have said to text once a day and solidify plans (including time)more than one day in advance etc. I understand you find it clingy though. I respect your perspective

[Shining One]

I think communication preferences should be data fields on OLD sites. It's an important component of compatibility and it's not an offensive topic to discuss, but surprisingly, it's rarely discussed openly.

 

I could see three fields for this:

Preferred Method: Voice, Text, Email

Preferred Frequency: Several Times Daily, Daily, Every Other Day...

Initiator: Always Me, Always Other Person, Half and Half

[MidwestUSA]

It appears the guy did set up a date for Thursday, OP agreed and they chatted after that. That's only a day away in OP's neck of the woods. Oh, the humanity

 

An FBI analysis and quotes from Herbert Morrison. It just doesn't get any better!

[thefooloftheyear]

I think over the years, Ive broken every "rule" you ladies say that all guys are supposed to do...

 

Just take a deep breath.....Its still game on....Who knows?? Everyone is different in how they handle things and their level of involvement.commitment at a particular time.....

 

You deserve it, though ...Hope all goes well for you and "your ship comes in" as they say...

 

TFY

[carhill]

An FBI analysis and quotes from Herbert Morrison. It just doesn't get any better!

I was just watching his full broadcast of the Hindenburg tonight and imagined him radio commentating on this thread

[MidwestUSA]

I was just watching his full broadcast of the Hindenburg tonight and imagined him radio commentating on this thread

 

Sadly, it crossed my mind that not too many would get the reference. What a time to be alive. I wouldn't trade it for our current digital world for anything.

 

I guess that broadcast is on YouTube? I'm off to see. I spent one night researching post mortem photography (fascinating if you've never looked), and another viewing plane crashes (the 747 at Bagram Air Field - whoa). My job is so difficult.

[Versacehottie]

I guess I will be the lone dissenter and say that I found some of the conversation a little OTT, especially the lines I underlined. In and of themselves, they are fine, but you come across as very eager. If I got this from a guy, I would probably pull back a bit.

 

I hope I'm wrong, ES. And, even if I'm right, I don't think he's ghosting necessarily. See what happens today/tomorrow.

 

I kinda agree that it was a little OTT though it seems like it's just the way they both banter with each other. All it has to be is each other's style or a compatible or attractive way of dealing with one another. The one thing I totally agree with is this underlined one:

 

Me: The feeling is mutual which doesn't happen that often for me x

 

That is a mistake IMO full out. Sure it's fine to make the guy feel like he's special but this statement both has a bit of desperation, a little jaded from all this unsuccessful dating and lays all your cards on the table, OP. This may be playing a part on why he didn't follow through for contact today. You still need to leave it where his effort retains your interest, i.e. don't play all your cards (it's too soon) Otherwise you tend to get little to no effort since you've already portrayed this as such above. Also I'm a big believer that a statement like that while presented as positive has a negative tone really behind it (i.e. my other dating has been a failure, etc) and i don't think you should do negative statements, surely not about your recent dating history (or even more distant past history) because it reflects on you. It's the same as other info you present about yourself on a date or in an interview--put yourself in the best light. Idk, I can think of tons of ways to say something similar but in a positive vibe where it doesn't dull your shine. A guy or a person, doesn't want to be slotted in because the dating experiences prior were not that good but because you find something about him special.

 

I mean: "the feeling is mutual". Period, full stop is 100 times better even though it still lays your cards quite on the table but no negativity involved. Inherent in your original statement is the opportunity to bond over "bad things", bad OLD experiences (ugh, no!) OR for him to make his own assumptions about why.

 

Anyway, about him not contacting today, assuming banter was to his liking as well and he was not thrown by any statement (which is also likely), I agree with the others that "tomorrow" to a lot of scatterbrained guys means anything between now and Thursday to finalize. It may not mesh with your preferred style of dating but it doesn't necessarily mean he's disappearing on you. I also hope he does and that everything works out. Good luck

[Popsicle]

I'm in the camp of not freaking out this early. It's too early. You will talk and/or see each other in a day or two. Worst case scenario is he's just a neurotic as you are and over there thinking/feeling all the same things.

 

PS - maybe you like clingy men more than you think.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I was busy and work and came back to 4 pages of extensive analysis. Thanks guys

 

Yes, I did come on a bit strong but I told him during the date that I am happy being single and enjoy alone time so much that I am not particularly clear on what I am looking for and am probably too fussy for my own good. He said that he was never into anything casual, so for him it's either a platonic friendship or a full relationship. Then we moved on to other topics. So I hope he took my comments as light hearted banter. I know it sounds heavy but I would realistically move on in a 1-2 days if I never heard from him again.

 

As for the update: he did text me at 9:30pm last night (so making his promise for "next day") . I initially replied with "sorry who is this? :p"

 

He just started with "Hahaha here are some options for Thursday night...." giving me a choice of 3 restaurants. So we set the time and place and then he told me he booked the restaurant online.

 

The banter continued to be gushy. He told me his muscles are sore from his personal training session. I was like "aw poor baby, wish I could give you a hug ;)" ..... and more flirting

 

After I didn't reply to his last text for about 20 minutes, he told me "well lovely lady, I am going to drift off to sleep now thinking about that hug. Sweet dreams x".

 

I think everything is on point so far. Things could still go anywhere from him flaking before the next date to a LTR. I don't care too much if I don't hear from him today since the date is firmly set for tomorrow night.

[Cookiesandough]

I was busy and work and came back to 4 pages of extensive analysis. Thanks guys

 

Yes, I did come on a bit strong but I told him during the date that I am happy being single and enjoy alone time so much that I am not particularly clear on what I am looking for and am probably too fussy for my own good. He said that he was never into anything casual, so for him it's either a platonic friendship or a full relationship. Then we moved on to other topics. So I hope he took my comments as light hearted banter. I know it sounds heavy but I would realistically move on in a 1-2 days if I never heard from him again.

 

As for the update: he did text me at 9:30pm last night (so making his promise for "next day") . I initially replied with "sorry who is this? :p"

 

He just started with "Hahaha here are some options for Thursday night...." giving me a choice of 3 restaurants. So we set the time and place and then he told me he booked the restaurant online.

 

The banter continued to be gushy. He told me his muscles are sore from his personal training session. I was like "aw poor baby, wish I could give you a hug ;)" ..... and more flirting

 

After I didn't reply to his last text for about 20 minutes, he told me "well lovely lady, I am going to drift off to sleep now thinking about that hug. Sweet dreams x".

 

I think everything is on point so far. Things could still go anywhere from him flaking before the next date to a LTR. I don't care too much if I don't hear from him today since the date is firmly set for tomorrow night.

Yay!!!!! That's so cute it doesn't sound like he's gonna flake. He got back to you as he said and seems super into you. I'm always about to make a thread and writing the title "hour after date and no tex-" and then they text lol. Gotta learn to chill I suppose

[Mkn1010]

I was busy and work and came back to 4 pages of extensive analysis. Thanks guys

 

Yes, I did come on a bit strong but I told him during the date that I am happy being single and enjoy alone time so much that I am not particularly clear on what I am looking for and am probably too fussy for my own good. He said that he was never into anything casual, so for him it's either a platonic friendship or a full relationship. Then we moved on to other topics. So I hope he took my comments as light hearted banter. I know it sounds heavy but I would realistically move on in a 1-2 days if I never heard from him again.

 

As for the update: he did text me at 9:30pm last night (so making his promise for "next day") . I initially replied with "sorry who is this? :p"

 

He just started with "Hahaha here are some options for Thursday night...." giving me a choice of 3 restaurants. So we set the time and place and then he told me he booked the restaurant online.

 

The banter continued to be gushy. He told me his muscles are sore from his personal training session. I was like "aw poor baby, wish I could give you a hug ;)" ..... and more flirting

 

After I didn't reply to his last text for about 20 minutes, he told me "well lovely lady, I am going to drift off to sleep now thinking about that hug. Sweet dreams x".

 

I think everything is on point so far. Things could still go anywhere from him flaking before the next date to a LTR. I don't care too much if I don't hear from him today since the date is firmly set for tomorrow night.

 

 

Thank you for posting this as it is really eye opening to see how other girls interact with guys they are interesting in vs my own (clearly VERY aloof) approach!

 

 

I honestly had no idea that text exchanges after one date involve girl calling guy babe and suggesting hugs.

 

 

WOWWW I totally need to improve my game if this is the norm!!

[Cobra_X]

I didn't know it mattered much to a lot of girls if a guy was a player if he's good looking

I wanna add when a guy knows that a woman is really into him I think he is more likely to put her on the back burner. It's not gameplaying, it's just nature. he's got little reason to jump make plans because she's most likely not going anywhere (in his mind) Same with women

 

Cookies... most women don't want to get played. They don't want to be humped and dumped. They don't want a player bragging to all his friends the next day and showing video he took of having sex with her. Stuff like that.

 

Not every guy reacts the same to high levels of interest. You have to understand the type of guy you are dealing with before employing this approach.

 

He just started with "Hahaha here are some options for Thursday night...." giving me a choice of 3 restaurants. So we set the time and place and then he told me he booked the restaurant online.

 

After I didn't reply to his last text for about 20 minutes, he told me "well lovely lady, I am going to drift off to sleep now thinking about that hug. Sweet dreams x".

 

This guys is very smooth. I like him! He handled your sh*t test in a very adult manner.

 

Thank you for posting this as it is really eye opening to see how other girls interact with guys they are interesting in vs my own (clearly VERY aloof) approach!

I honestly had no idea that text exchanges after one date involve girl calling guy babe and suggesting hugs.

WOWWW I totally need to improve my game if this is the norm!!

 

This is like fishing. If you want to catch a particular kind of fish, then you have to use the right bait.

 

What ES is doing is showing that she is clearly into him, but teasing him a bit and remaining aloof. Some guys will respond well to this and some will not. The ones who respond well tend to be the kind most women want... experience and highly confident with good social skills.

 

This approach does not work well with guys like me. The key difference is what kind of chemistry fits his needs. In my younger days I used to be all about Opposites Attract and Physical chemistry, but now I'm much higher on the Sameness and Comfort Chemistry. We change as we age.

[Cookiesandough]

Cobra is seems like most girls don't wanna get played but when it comes down to it the nice guys don't do it for them as much as the ones they know are hard to tame and have a high likelihood of breaking their heart. That excitement I guess.. Just seems that way in general but perhaps im wrong, perhaps it's younger women mostly as well

[GemmaUK]

He sounds very interested to me and sounds like you are too.

'Tomorrow' means there is a whole day in which to contact someone, you simply didn't have patience - and he did contact you within the 'tomorrow' time frame and at a respectful time of day too. plus he booked a place. Perfect!

 

Over contact at any point can kill attraction, you're only one date in.

Have some confidence in yourself, get busy, do things to take your mind off that he isn't blowing up your phone.

 

All sounds perfectly good and healthy to me.

[No_Go]

Thank you for posting this as it is really eye opening to see how other girls interact with guys they are interesting in vs my own (clearly VERY aloof) approach!

 

 

I honestly had no idea that text exchanges after one date involve girl calling guy babe and suggesting hugs.

 

 

WOWWW I totally need to improve my game if this is the norm!!

 

You’re sarcastic hopefully - if not, keep your style as is. I personally don’t stomach well heavy flirting (any pet names are a no go, joking as well). It could be different for others but you want to attract compatible people - sharing the same style of communication is quite vital so it shouldn’t be faked.

[No_Go]

 

As for the update: he did text me at 9:30pm last night (so making his promise for "next day”).

 

I was sure:) Great that he responded!

 

Now, the exchange is a bit much but I guess it is just a matter of having compatible styles of communication.

 

I think this will go well - the next date and dates after.

[Cobra_X]

Cobra is seems like most girls don't wanna get played but when it comes down to it the nice guys don't do it for them as much as the ones they know are hard to tame and have a high likelihood of breaking their heart. That excitement I guess.. Just seems that way in general but perhaps im wrong, perhaps it's younger women mostly as well

 

That is generally how it works. It really comes down to a particular person's emotional needs.

 

As we talked about in your thread regarding attraction... your own emotional needs drive a good chunk of what you find attractive in a man. When your emotional state changes over time so do your attractions.

 

I can look at pictures of girls I was in love with in High School and even the physical attraction is significantly lower than back then... despite the fact that the picture itself hasn't changed.

 

As this relates to ES. Over the course of 10,000 posts, I have no doubt she has become more emotionally healthy, and as a result what she finds attractive has changed.

[introverted1]

Really glad to hear this update, ES. Hope you have fun on your date!

[barbossa]

I met a really cool guy yesterday on an OLD app. We went out for drinks after work.

 

He was 36, good job, degrees, home owner, pets, no ex wives/kids, introvert and was really easy to talk to. We had the same sense of humor, lots in common and he was pretty hot too. I actually felt the butterflies for once He didn't talk about younger women or women he finds hot or anything weird. He seemed to pay 100% attention on me and laughed at all my jokes I just kept looking at him and thinking "he is sooooo cute". Maybe slightly out of my league.

 

So I get in an uber and because I kind of said I have to get home early (he wanted to keep hanging out, I had an early meeting), I decided to text him first.

 

When we parted, he hugged me and said he would love to see me again.

 

We have the following text exchange:

 

Me: Hey. it was really nice meeting you today and really hope to see you again. Here is my number ___ just text, don't call

*(we only communicated through an app so didn't have each others numbers and we had this joke that we both hate phone calls)*

 

Him: Hahaha! I wouldn't put you through the torture of a phone call I had a really fun time with you and would really love to see you again And I hope the uber guy redeemed himself to at least 4 stars

 

Him: and my number is __

 

Me: I was already thinking whaaat no phone number? Haha joking. Promise not to call

 

Him: Just me being my usual scatterbrained self which has happened a lot today

 

Me: Heh lucky for you I find that kind of cute

 

Him: Definitely lucky for me and I find you very cute

 

Me: The feeling is mutual which doesn't happen that often for me x

 

Him: Well I am very glad to hear that and I would really love to see you again soon and to get to know you better xx

 

Him: I am away this weekend but maybe Thursday evening or next week?

 

Me: Thursday would work perhaps dinner after work?

 

Him: That sounds just about perfect! Any food you hate?

 

 

.............. we talk about food, restaurants but agree to set the place time later when we look places up

 

The conversation ends with him saying: Looking forward to it already. I am heading to bed soon but we will chat tomorrow. Sweet dreams x.

 

 

I said: you too xx

 

-----------------

 

It's now tomorrow, 9pm and nothing from him. Not a peep. Did I come on too strong?

 

Ghosted already?

 

I really liked this one. God damn. FML.

 

 

If the guy is mature he will text you, short of a emergency the max it should take is 24 hours. Since we are all glued to our phones

[Eternal Sunshine]

Thank you for posting this as it is really eye opening to see how other girls interact with guys they are interesting in vs my own (clearly VERY aloof) approach!

 

 

I honestly had no idea that text exchanges after one date involve girl calling guy babe and suggesting hugs.

 

 

WOWWW I totally need to improve my game if this is the norm!!

 

No, no, no - I am not a good example. I haven't had much luck in the dating arena. I guess the difference is that I act completely differently with guys I am into, which is often 1 out of 40 or so dates (probably even less actually). I am cold as ice when I am "meh" about a guy.

 

I tend to be transparent, but generally have sarcastic, teasing style of interaction even with friends. Some people like it, others get offended...

 

Anyway this guy hasn't contacted me at all yesterday (I didn't contact him either) which I was slightly sad about. This morning though he texted me "Good morning beautiful! I really hope today goes by quickly. Counting down the hours :-*"

 

1 hour till the date now. He hasn't flaked and I am really nervous. I don't think I will be even able to eat anything during dinner

[chinadiary]

Ooooo give us an update on dinner! Hope it goes well for you.

[Popsicle]

Thank you for posting this as it is really eye opening to see how other girls interact with guys they are interesting in vs my own (clearly VERY aloof) approach!

 

 

I honestly had no idea that text exchanges after one date involve girl calling guy babe and suggesting hugs.

 

 

WOWWW I totally need to improve my game if this is the norm!!

 

I'm very flirty with a guy I like too but I don't think you should change yourself. You have to be genuine. Don't worry about what others are doing.

No, no, no - I am not a good example. I haven't had much luck in the dating arena. I guess the difference is that I act completely differently with guys I am into, which is often 1 out of 40 or so dates (probably even less actually). I am cold as ice when I am "meh" about a guy.

 

I tend to be transparent, but generally have sarcastic, teasing style of interaction even with friends. Some people like it, others get offended...

 

Anyway this guy hasn't contacted me at all yesterday (I didn't contact him either) which I was slightly sad about. This morning though he texted me "Good morning beautiful! I really hope today goes by quickly. Counting down the hours :-*"

 

1 hour till the date now. He hasn't flaked and I am really nervous. I don't think I will be even able to eat anything during dinner

 

lol. This is really cute. I hope it goes well.

[Kamille]

It's really nice to see you excited about someone! Hope you're having fun on your date.