TheTraveler Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 I'm a guy If he wants a date to happen he will reach out by Thursday afternoon to set the dinner date Thursday night. He's already shown he can exchange multiple texts. He ain't no dummy 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 No_go, I think A guy not responding to a text is very very rare. It's even rare for women but most rare for men. The men that are straightforward like that either are very honest and know exactly what they want or they have absolutely no interest whatsoever. Most likely they just keep stringing along Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 But the point in this case is when someone says they'll contact you, usually that means to wait until they contact you. And if they say they are going to at a certain time they should. Doesn't mean they have to but I think they should. What are your thoughts? Women who are fun to talk with I hit up all the time. Sometimes even when romantic interest is low. Had a girl last year working in the Bernie Sanders campaign. Low interest, low attraction, but I talked to her all the time. Very fun conversations and I learned a ton of things other people didn't know. On the other hand, even women I have very high interest in... once I set up a second date, I can just let things sit for a while. That's mostly because I'm older and busy. When I was younger like you... I was in constant communication. I used text and phone frequently. Considering that ES is probably older than me and dating a guy in that range... I'm thinking this is likely to be just an age difference. I've got so much more going on now than when I was 23. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 Women who are fun to talk with I hit up all the time. Sometimes even when romantic interest is low. Had a girl last year working in the Bernie Sanders campaign. Low interest, low attraction, but I talked to her all the time. Very fun conversations and I learned a ton of things other people didn't know. On the other hand, even women I have very high interest in... once I set up a second date, I can just let things sit for a while. That's mostly because I'm older and busy. When I was younger like you... I was in constant communication. I used text and phone frequently. Considering that ES is probably older than me and dating a guy in that range... I'm thinking this is likely to be just an age difference. I've got so much more going on now than when I was 23. I agree with you somewhat but there was no second date set up Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 I agree with you somewhat but there was no second date set up I said before that this guy seems smooth. If ES thinks he is cute, then it's likely tons of other women feel the same. That means she has stiff competition, and he has solid experience. If he says he will do things and then doesn't at this early stage... let's just say flakiness is a bad sign. I would adopt a wait and see approach. Never get excited about someone this early on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 True but are usually quick to set up a second date.. often ON the date.... I don't think they wait more than a day max? Perhaps I'm wrong but it seems like when guys did not do that here and you keep up with the thread, then he either faded or it came out he lost interest. Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 Usually it's the less attractive guys(in relation to the girl) to have to play games(waiting to text, not wanting to seem too interested etc) Link to post Share on other sites
No_Go Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 No_go, I think A guy not responding to a text is very very rare. It's even rare for women but most rare for men. The men that are straightforward like that either are very honest and know exactly what they want or they have absolutely no interest whatsoever. Most likely they just keep stringing along To my understanding there was no issue with him NOT responding. He just did not initiate the day after, but she didn’t as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 He was 36, good job, degrees, home owner, pets, no ex wives/kids, introvert and was really easy to talk to. Him: Just me being my usual scatterbrained self which has happened a lot today Him: Definitely lucky for me and I find you very cute Him: Well I am very glad to hear that and I would really love to see you again soon and to get to know you better xx Him: I am away this weekend but maybe Thursday evening or next week? Me: Thursday would work perhaps dinner after work? Him: That sounds just about perfect! Any food you hate? .............. we talk about food, restaurants but agree to set the place time later when we look places up The conversation ends with him saying: Looking forward to it already. I am heading to bed soon but we will chat tomorrow. Sweet dreams x. It's now tomorrow, 9pm and nothing from him. Not a peep. Here are the parts of their interaction and her perception that I focus on. He clearly was interested at that time. She states that he is an introvert and he admits to being a scatterbrain. A forgetful introvert might leave things to the last minute. Which is why I say wait and see. Maybe other women caught his interest over the weekend... don't know. Only time will tell. Usually it's the less attractive guys(in relation to the girl) to have to play games(waiting to text, not wanting to seem too interested etc) This is generally true. When I was at peak condition the games I played were just different. I'm not sure how to say this without sound bad. When you are a really attractive guy it's super important to not come across as a man-whore... especially if you are. It's also worth noting that in my experience body fat % is more important than a perfect face in getting female attention. Having an average face, and above average body is better than having an above average face and average body. Of course if you are super ugly a great body will only help so much. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 To my understanding there was no issue with him NOT responding. He just did not initiate the day after, but she didn’t as well. Sorry. That was in response to this : 1) If he's interested - he'd be happy if she initiates 2) If he's not interested - he'd not respond and this will save her time (she'll know faster) 3) If he's on the verge - yeah, he may lead her on because he's flattered. That's just one option of many though. I don't see it as sufficient 'risk' to keep self-torturing waiting for the prince to send his priceless message... I just find 2 very , very unlikely 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 (edited) Here are the parts of their interaction and her perception that I focus on. He clearly was interested at that time. She states that he is an introvert and he admits to being a scatterbrain. A forgetful introvert might leave things to the last minute. Which is why I say wait and see. Maybe other women caught his interest over the weekend... don't know. Only time will tell. This is generally true. When I was at peak condition the games I played were just different. I'm not sure how to say this without sound bad. When you are a really attractive guy it's super important to not come across as a man-whore... especially if you are. It's also worth noting that in my experience body fat % is more important than a perfect face in getting female attention. Having an average face, and above average body is better than having an above average face and average body. Of course if you are super ugly a great body will only help so much. I didn't know it mattered much to a lot of girls if a guy was a player if he's good looking I wanna add when a guy knows that a woman is really into him I think he is more likely to put her on the back burner. It's not gameplaying, it's just nature. he's got little reason to jump make plans because she's most likely not going anywhere (in his mind) Same with women Edited October 31, 2017 by Cookiesandough Link to post Share on other sites
No_Go Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 Oh ok, sorry I thought you refer to the original post. Even if he does respond, an intuitive person can judge by the timing, enthusiasm etc in the response. He also self-defined as introverted and scattered-brained, so a prompt self-initiated planning may not happen even if he's interested (it sounds like he is) Sorry. That was in response to this : I just find 2 very , very unlikely Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 (edited) I have trouble with the introverts excuse because I've pretty much exclusively dated introverts. When you show them lots of interest & they are interested as well they make plans like any other guy ... I think introverts are more likely to fall prey to "go with the flow" of interest and be more agreeable than extroverts so you have to be especially careful chasing them too much. They often agree to plans even if interest is low. Extroverts are more likely to go find something else I hope it works out though, but if I were in ES shoes I'd have already lost interest Edited October 31, 2017 by Cookiesandough Link to post Share on other sites
No_Go Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 I have trouble with the introverts excuse because I've pretty much exclusively dated introverts. When you show them lots of interest & they are interested as well they make plans like any other guy ... I think introverts are more likely to fall prey to "go with the flow" of interest and be more agreeable than extroverts so you have to be especially careful chasing them too much. They often agree to plans even if interest is low. Extroverts are more likely to go find something else I hope it works out though, but if I were in ES shoes I'd have already lost interest Well Cookies depends on what you want in dating. I find the spiky initial interest pretty fake anyway and personally can’t stand ‘smooth’ daters because I always sense them playing games (or reading self-help books about the ‘rules’ ) This guy - I’m curious too! Let’s hope he had already reached out! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 (edited) Well Cookies depends on what you want in dating. I find the spiky initial interest pretty fake anyway and personally can’t stand ‘smooth’ daters because I always sense them playing games (or reading self-help books about the ‘rules’ ) This guy - I’m curious too! Let’s hope he had already reached out! I have dealt with an self proclaimed introvert that could not plan for crap but he always brought up the date. He just wanted me to plan our first date.He would say" so we can go to the zoo or this or that" and I wanted him to step up and plan since it didn't seem he was that interested so I said "sounds good" and left it alone. But then he'd reply "okay so would you prefer to go to the zoo or the restaurant ?" So I just said zoo. It drives me crazy but you can see I had no guesswork if he wanted to do something, just that he didn't want to take control...maybe he thought I wouldn't like his plans idk but I can't deal with those types Hopefully he did and that's why ES has been so quiet xD Edited October 31, 2017 by Cookiesandough Link to post Share on other sites
TheFinalWord Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 haha I love the full scale FBI analysis on every word of a text message. I guess I do not think of texting as anything that deep, and I don't read much into them. If a guy or gal is psychoanalyzing texts that early on I would not care if they contacted me again. I mean, everyone gets a bit nervous and says awkward things sometimes. Best advice I have gotten in life is give everyone 10% grace in their words. If the guy could not give a bit of grace, I would already say he is not long term material. Life will get much tougher than text messaging. ES, I would give it a few days. As a guy if I read that text I would just think you were interested, but would not read that much into it. If he doesn't follow-up, I can't imagine it having to do with your texts and if it is, he is way too nitpicky IMHO. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
No_Go Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 Out of curiosity: why his behavior bothered you? I mean I think it is nice that he gave you options, why do you think it should be on him deciding the venue of the date? The issue with guys that do all the planning is that IMO they later decide that have the primary decision power in the relationship (even if they do it very subtly - it is there).... ES's guy does not sound very 'alpha' because he's leaving lots of room for banter/open ends, but IMO this is not a bad thing. I have dealt with an self proclaimed introvert that could not plan for crap but he always brought up the date. He just wanted me to plan our first date.He would say" so we can go to the zoo or this or that" and I wanted him to step up and plan since it didn't seem he was that interested so I said "sounds good" and left it alone. But then he'd reply "okay so would you prefer to go to the zoo or the restaurant ?" So I just said zoo. It drives me crazy but you can see I had no guesswork if he wanted to do something, just that he didn't want to take control...maybe he thought I wouldn't like his plans idk but I can't deal with those types Hopefully he did and that's why ES has been so quiet xD 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 (edited) Out of curiosity: why his behavior bothered you? I mean I think it is nice that he gave you options, why do you think it should be on him deciding the venue of the date? The issue with guys that do all the planning is that IMO they later decide that have the primary decision power in the relationship (even if they do it very subtly - it is there).... ES's guy does not sound very 'alpha' because he's leaving lots of room for banter/open ends, but IMO this is not a bad thing. It wasn't just that question in isolation. He also asked me "So what day would you like to meet? What time would you like to meet?" It was passivity and I guess too much of that just drives me nuts. Particularly since he asked me out. My point was just to draw the clear distinction between passive and not that interested. A lukewarm person would have been more like "yes. Let's meet up again soon/ next week" then not bring up any clear plans until you mention it or something like that. Still, the entire planning process for our first date was like pulling teeth, and planning dates with someone should never be like that. I'd never say the guy should always initiate...not at all. But I believe interested guys, be they extroverts/introverts, if they know you're clearly interested try to get that date down with you pretty soon unless they're just casually/multi dating in which case you're on the low heat in the back Edited October 31, 2017 by Cookiesandough 1 Link to post Share on other sites
rightondude Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 OP, my guess is he's just playing the stupid game where you pretend you're not as eager as you really are and as the other person. Which leads to self doubts, over-analyzing and distrust evolving into further games and sucking dry any of the joy of meeting someone. Have fun! Seriously, I bet he texts you soon enough, but long enough to make sure he's not seen as "weak." Link to post Share on other sites
Mkn1010 Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 Yea I agree with that ...I dunno about every day but if he's very interested yes. And even if he's interested it should be almost every day at the beginning at least. Especially when he says he's going to contact you he does. I'd say it's not extreme interest but doesn't mean it's dead just yet Hell no! That would massively bug me and as other posters said, come off as super clingy! I find it incredible creepy when people attempt to build a connection with a stranger via TEXT...to me it's a red flag! Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 (edited) Hell no! That would massively bug me and as other posters said, come off as super clingy! I find it incredible creepy when people attempt to build a connection with a stranger via TEXT...to me it's a red flag! It's not building a connection... just checking in. Not even just good morning/good night, sometimes it's simply a how's your day? . I never found it clingy unless I didn't respond and they did it again. It's sweet. Doesn't need to be a long convo but I'd find find it a red flag for a guy to go days without communication whether by phone/text. It's just unusual but under stand that some people do this and it works out fine Edited October 31, 2017 by Cookiesandough Link to post Share on other sites
Mkn1010 Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 I think the under 30 gen maybe expect daily texting and tend to have shorter attention spans in retaining interest in someone who isn't providing constant stimulation/attention or whatever! Since this guy is 36 years old, I'd give him the benefit of the doubt that he's just a little more mature for that nonsense! I do agree though that you came on a little strong, a least for my personal taste, for what it's worth. So definitely sit back and leave it to him to follow through. It should not be a bid deal if he didn't reach out when he loosely said he would. If that ends up causing you to feel anxious and he gets a whiff of that, it could likely put him off as you've already kinda shown that you're quite invested after ONE date! That to some people comes across as intense as you can't really know a person for jack after spending only a couple of hours with them. I believe there was a lengthy post by Disillusionment when she first started seeing a man (who sounds fantastic) about how he would largely only text to set up dates. I believe he was in the 30+ age range too. And out of the all the OLD creepers who generally over-text, she seems to have finally picked a winner with this one. Just food for thought! Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 I date guys past 30 and they do the same. I don't know what's it's like beyond 35 but I will say that most men who are interested in you will not goes days without communication, even if they're older. It might be text, it might be phone, email, or it might be dates Iirc, dis's bf had a hang up with texting he shared with her. Someone once told him he texted too much, so he didn't want to seem clingy with her. After this was discussed the communication upped. Even previous to that, he was setting up dates every few days, so it's not like he kept her in the dark. It's a red flag if a guy ends the convo then falls off my map with no date set up imo Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 It appears the guy did set up a date for Thursday, OP agreed and they chatted after that. That's only a day away in OP's neck of the woods. Oh, the humanity 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted October 31, 2017 Share Posted October 31, 2017 Falls off the map* I didn't mean OP's guy. Sorry Ive been straying from topic. I've just been chatting about general communication standards with nogo and Mkn Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts