Another one bites the dust?

[Cookiesandough]

No, I will say this again. There are some people who are invested in social media. Age is not a factor.

 

ES, now that you have had your dating situation dissected properly (hmm)...what is your take?

 

True, but the younger people are nearly obsessed with it. I don't know many people my age that do not have it and I think I am the only one who hates it. I only have IG and a only use it anymore to bug my ex. I regularly disable. But it is not usual for my older relatives to not have IG or a FB. It's shameful to say but there's almost a stigma associated with not having one in the younger crowd. I mean, it's pretty obvious here...

[some_username1]

See, you have no idea who I'm. I'm very much a free spirit. I still do occasional activities with exes with zero desire for a relationship just because they are fun. I have rejected close to 40 guys from OLD i met this year. If I was that desparate for a relationship that's not exactly how it would go. Perhaps you are projecting your own desparation and inability to be happy alone?

 

Anyway it's a waste of my time to defend myself to an online rando. The thread had some good advice at the start and then it disitegrated into inaccurate extrapolations and character attacks.

 

I never said there will the 5th date or that I plan to keep seeing this guy. So again, you are wrong.

 

You can't make it up sometimes

 

If you are bothered about character attacks then looking in the mirror might give you some perspective....the guy in question has been slaughtered on here based on nothing more concrete than your opinion which you have revealed is already biased from the start.

 

I really wonder what he would say if he could read on here the things you were too scared to ask him......

[Cookiesandough]

Not the greatest... I'm not going resort to posting pics of myself and my lattes just so some rando' online dating person doesn't doubt my veracity. I am not that desperate just yet.

 

I still have 674 followers and I hate it/barely use it...I think that speaks volumes about how malignant SM has become in my generation. I avoid it and still have 600 followers

 

Goodnight.

Edited November 10, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[Eternal Sunshine]

I have ended it and decided to move on. I offered him to hang out as friends but he doesn't seem keen. I don't have many friends in my current city so I use OLD to find friendships too.

[Teknoe]

Hi ES. It's been a while; I haven't logged onto LS in two months now. But I remember you. And I'm pretty sure you remember me. For those not in the know, I am one of those folks who fall into the overly analytical camp. Just view my post history if you don't believe me. Some of my threads are "legendary." I don't say that to blow smoke up my own you know what, but I say that to highlight that I believe ES and I come from very similar boats, or whatever the saying may be.

 

I have read much of this thread. A lot has already been said that doesn't bear repeating. However, I felt the overwhelming urge to log in for the first time in forever and share this with ES.

 

ES, while it's good to always follow your intuition, I can see why many others felt there was a (good) bit of self sabotage on your end. Reading this thread was like reading one of my threads, except for me in the past the girl didn't show a smidgen of the interest that this guy supposedly showed to you. Nonetheless, the point still stands that we are both way too much in our own heads. Probably a little too much if we're being perfectly honest.

 

Therefore, I feel my advice comes from a perspective that MAY be applicable to you. The reason I haven't posted on LS in forever? I decided taking a break completely was the right call. I realized I was using LS as a bit of a crutch. It's "exciting" in some weird crazy way to post about a first date here and see strangers' feedback. It's "exciting" to post play by plays (down to texting exchanges which I have done and I see you did here in this topic) and share our dating lives anonymously. But that's the thing. We overanalyze so much that I think it gets to a point where it crosses the line of healthiness and hurts us more than helps us.

 

For years now I have been a dating punchline to my acquaintances and LS even. Every thread I posted on got more and more intense as other posters knew my history and started bringing it into play. In a weird way, some posters "knew me" from a very rudimentary sense, but of course, no one here really knows the real us. They just read my extremely long and thorough posts and come up with their own projection. Some of it is somewhat true, some of it is way off. But at the end of the day, I've come to realize that posting here for help almost always ends in the relationship bombing. When you've worked on yourself and come to a good place in your life AND you meet a suitable match (the trick is having all these things align at once), it just flows naturally.

 

I'm proud to announce I'm currently in a loving relationship with a girlfriend that just passed two months. She is my first real girlfriend in nearly 13 years... I went through a drought from December 2004 to September 2017. Every girl I liked in-between was either emotionally unavailable, already in a relationship (so I couldn't do anything about it), "out of my league" or simply not a suitable match. My dating "failures" were epic and one of my coworkers even made me into a bit of a punchline.

 

Some time earlier this summer, I said enough was enough. I dumped toxic people from my life (including that former coworker who made me into a punchline), got a new job and was just in a very healthy mindset. I also decided to quit posting play by plays on LoveShack and elsewhere. Decided my dating adventures were mine to know alone, and to learn from privately.

 

Got out of my head a bit and as they say, just did me. Then I met this girl online, asked her out, went on a date. It went fine but it wasn't a mind blowing date. But I kept an open mind and didn't post details about it. Saw her again and we connected mentally a lot more on the second date. She eventually became my girlfriend, and I have managed to finally get out of my head. I can't tell you how easy it is when you find someone who likes you for who you are. You don't have to fake or hide anything. You can just be yourself and there are ZERO games. We don't give each other the silent treatment or follow any stupid 24 hour texting rule. We just communicate openly and honestly and it's freaking awesome.

 

Anyway, that's my wish for you ES. That one day you will find a suitable mate and be happy like I am with my GF. But in order for that to happen, you may first need to re-evaluate certain things which may or may not include no longer posting play by plays on LS. I don't know; everyone's journey is different. But on this night, I felt the urge to lurk and then log in to share my story with you. Not sure how it may speak to your soul but I hope in some small way it does.

 

At the very least, I wish you all the best.

[Highndry]

There is a HUGE difference between adding on Facebook and Instagram. It's common to add someone to your IG on the first date or even before you meet. Many list their IG address right on their Tinder or OLD profile. I just got a number from a girl yesterday and she immediately added me on IG. Facebook, is a whole 'nother story. Nobody lists their Facebook page on OLD. My Facebook account is for actual REAL friends and not acquaintances and fake friends. I have a ton of private info that I share with friends and family that I don't want a complete stranger to see. Yes, I'd rather exchange bodily fluids with a woman I just met than friend them on Facebook. I don't want them to know my birthday, place of employment, complete educational history, names of all my relatives and exes before we're intimate and have some trust. They're halfway to identify theft or some serious stalking. I've NEVER friended anyone I'm dating before we are exclusive AND sleeping together. Nor have they EVER requested it. That you really see this as a "wow just wow" tells me you may be too paranoid and distrusting right now to healthily date right now...

 

The real question is why in the world would ANYBODY willingly post all of this personal info online? Once you do it, you can NEVER take it back. I consider you, and everybody else who does it a fool. I have no social media accounts, and will be dead and buried before I post personal info, pictures, or anything to the world wide web.

[No_Go]

VH - I can only speak from my POV: I go muuuuuch longer lengths exploring people that I'm not interested into forming relationships with. People have asked me why waste time? For the same reason people watch TV shows or cook or whatever other hobby they pick. I suspect ES goes down the same path.

 

She said he's not seeing him again anyway in her latest update... Except as being friends.

 

Sorry I don't agree. This doesn't compute for someone who claims to be fine alone and not need or want a bf desperately. Someone who felt that way truly and deeply and had no doubt about her own judgements about this guy being on point, would not want to waste her time because she would already have enough information about him. She doesn't need to prove anything to any of us (not to mention she seems to be quite capable at coming up with many plausibilities to justify whatever whim she wants to justify regarding her dating this guy and what he's about--so she absolutely would be able to do that and I suspect that is exactly what she will do if she goes out with him again).

[No_Go]

Who knows what kind of analyses he's making hah.

 

But I think one thing not to forget: LS is a place where people vent. It can be used for bragging as well but for most people it is just a venting - sharing negative thoughts and concern.

 

I have no doubt she had plenty of positive things to say about him (that's why several dates) - but what's the point of iterating these on an advice forum?

 

 

You speak as if the OP is the only human being in this equation.

 

If this man were to have an inkling that all this is going on behind the scenes, he would have to be a very unstable individual to have any interest in further involvement. If she were all about "full disclosure" all of this would be happening between the two of them and not here.

 

I am not "defending" the man or advising any leaps of faith. I'm supportive of the OP following her intuition. She has said no positive thing about him since perhaps the 2nd page or so. She may well be right. Regardless, she thinks poorly of him, does not trust him and has lost interest. Why all this sturm und drang? To use a popular phrase, it's a nothingburger.

[No_Go]

The real question is why in the world would ANYBODY willingly post all of this personal info online? Once you do it, you can NEVER take it back. I consider you, and everybody else who does it a fool. I have no social media accounts, and will be dead and buried before I post personal info, pictures, or anything to the world wide web.

 

Well if you have ever attended an university or have been employed or have rented an apartment - all your information is out there.

 

I cant imagine someone being completely anonymous unless they go great lengths to deface information. Social media is just a minor source of information btw.

[No_Go]

I have ended it and decided to move on. I offered him to hang out as friends but he doesn't seem keen. I don't have many friends in my current city so I use OLD to find friendships too.

 

Sorry it didn't work - maybe he'll become a friend after all (blah with all the female 'friends' of his that doesn't sound a flattering position to be in...)

[Cookiesandough]

The real question is why in the world would ANYBODY willingly post all of this personal info online? Once you do it, you can NEVER take it back. I consider you, and everybody else who does it a fool. I have no social media accounts, and will be dead and buried before I post personal info, pictures, or anything to the world wide web.

 

Well if you have ever attended an university or have been employed or have rented an apartment - all your information is out there.

 

I cant imagine someone being completely anonymous unless they go great lengths to deface information. Social media is just a minor source of information btw.

 

These two schools of thought sum up pretty well the generational divide regarding social media/the digital era