He left me. He walked out.

[HeartOfAPhoenix]

I don't like to "get out and meet people". I'm introverted its hard for me to even meet people. I'm so messed up.

 

 

I wouldn't say you're messed up. If you're an introvert then sure you may find difficulty in meeting people. But that doesn't mean you won't ever meet someone special.

[Lovingme81]

Thank you :-) the only reason I met him was because of a free trial on match.com and I absolutely hated online dating. I regret it even more now. Smh he's happily moving on, I care he doesn't. It's the worst feeling.

[BC1980]

maybe thats why I stuck around so long because I'm so introverted that I'm afraid I won't be able to find anyone else. Its really hard for me.

 

Half of the planet is introverted. Does that mean that half of the planet should settle for a cr@p relationship because they can't get any better? So only extroverts have the right to wait for a good relationship? No one likes dating. No one wants to date around. You're not the only person who has felt that it's difficult to meet someone. Pretty much everyone feels that way, but it's no excuse to settle for some garbage relationship.

 

Seriously, all you have done is whine on this thread. What are you going to do to change? You are completely aware of your problems and realities, so no more excuses. You can get all the free advice you need from Baggage Reclaim. That website is a gold mine of good relationship advice, but we can't help you put it into action. You have to want to change and move on. All you do is put yourself down and throw a pity party. Time to stop this unhealthy talk and do something to move forward. I mean, it's okay to complain/vent, but try to pepper that with something positive as well. Where's your fight? You sound so defeated.

[Lovingme81]

honestly I need to post in here because I'm struggling over the weekend. I work full time and over the weekend my mind has time to think and its harder and also I am trying to stick to no contact. So far I have been doing good with that.

[HeartOfAPhoenix]

Half of the planet is introverted. Does that mean that half of the planet should settle for a cr@p relationship because they can't get any better? So only extroverts have the right to wait for a good relationship? No one likes dating. No one wants to date around. You're not the only person who has felt that it's difficult to meet someone. Pretty much everyone feels that way, but it's no excuse to settle for some garbage relationship.

 

Seriously, all you have done is whine on this thread. What are you going to do to change? You are completely aware of your problems and realities, so no more excuses. You can get all the free advice you need from Baggage Reclaim. That website is a gold mine of good relationship advice, but we can't help you put it into action. You have to want to change and move on. All you do is put yourself down and throw a pity party. Time to stop this unhealthy talk and do something to move forward. I mean, it's okay to complain/vent, but try to pepper that with something positive as well. Where's your fight? You sound so defeated.

 

 

This is healthy talk. She's venting and releasing pain/anger. It's hard to "fight" and "do something to move forward" when you haven't formed that goal yet.

 

The power of Introverts:

[Lovingme81]

I appreciate everyone responding I am reading your posts over and over. I'm still blaming myself for everything and I know thats wrong I'm basically trying to turn that thinking pattern around.

 

I'm going to watch that youtube video now.

[Lovingme81]

Good Morning everyone if you're reading this. Instead of making different posts I'm just going to post in here. I like typing in this post. I also have a journal that I write in and I went back a couple months and some happy times are in there he bought me a big red patio umbrella for me that I couldn't afford and I loved it so much. I still do but its sad to look at it sometimes. I miss him in the bed with me, its lonely now. I dream about us. I also read that I had some bad times with him as well. A reoccurring statement I kept making was that I felt bad that I haven't met his family and that it upset me. I guess it caused a lot of turmoil in our relationship. I also wanted him to ask me to move in with him or away with him if he was sent to a different area for his job. He told me one day that he would like me to come but he isn't going to beg me. I don't know why he had to say he wasn't going to beg me, I never insinuated that I wanted him to bet. Oh well.

 

 

I'm at work now. Hopefully in time I can look back and read this thread and not feel sad anymore.

Thanks for reading if you are reading this.

[Riptide91]

Good Morning everyone if you're reading this. Instead of making different posts I'm just going to post in here. I like typing in this post. I also have a journal that I write in and I went back a couple months and some happy times are in there he bought me a big red patio umbrella for me that I couldn't afford and I loved it so much. I still do but its sad to look at it sometimes. I miss him in the bed with me, its lonely now. I dream about us. I also read that I had some bad times with him as well. A reoccurring statement I kept making was that I felt bad that I haven't met his family and that it upset me. I guess it caused a lot of turmoil in our relationship. I also wanted him to ask me to move in with him or away with him if he was sent to a different area for his job. He told me one day that he would like me to come but he isn't going to beg me. I don't know why he had to say he wasn't going to beg me, I never insinuated that I wanted him to bet. Oh well.

 

 

I'm at work now. Hopefully in time I can look back and read this thread and not feel sad anymore.

Thanks for reading if you are reading this.

 

Hey there, I just wanted to chime in on a few things as I'm currently at work as well and it's semi slow. I saw you're in California, were neighbors! But anyways, I am glad you're using this site to help express yourself, I truly believe that helps. The more you keep bottled up inside the more you think about and eventually comes down to you never moving on. The journal is also a good way to express yourself, a lot of people have success with using a journal to write their feelings if they're too personal for LS. As for the things he bought you, if they are causing a huge distress on your life and well being, get rid of them! You can always buy another umbrella, etc etc.

 

Lastly, just think what if you had moved in with him and all this happened? You could have been stuck in something that was never good for you and detrimental to your happiness. Be thankful you didn't end up marrying this guy and having to go through all that. I hope you continue to feel better, and remember it's not easy because it's worth it.

[Lovingme81]

Hey there, I just wanted to chime in on a few things as I'm currently at work as well and it's semi slow. I saw you're in California, were neighbors! But anyways, I am glad you're using this site to help express yourself, I truly believe that helps. The more you keep bottled up inside the more you think about and eventually comes down to you never moving on. The journal is also a good way to express yourself, a lot of people have success with using a journal to write their feelings if they're too personal for LS. As for the things he bought you, if they are causing a huge distress on your life and well being, get rid of them! You can always buy another umbrella, etc etc.

 

Lastly, just think what if you had moved in with him and all this happened? You could have been stuck in something that was never good for you and detrimental to your happiness. Be thankful you didn't end up marrying this guy and having to go through all that. I hope you continue to feel better, and remember it's not easy because it's worth it.

 

 

 

hi thanks I am gonna be honest and I know it sounds really bad right now but I wish we could have at least gotten to the part of moving in together because it would have actually made me feel a lot better about the progression of our relationship. I always felt like and outsider and he said that the reason I felt like one was by my own doing not his. So its kinda hard to explain. I don't know really. Is there something that I did you think to make him lose value for me? Is it something that I do that makes him and other exes not value me anymore?

[Riptide91]

hi thanks I am gonna be honest and I know it sounds really bad right now but I wish we could have at least gotten to the part of moving in together because it would have actually made me feel a lot better about the progression of our relationship. I always felt like and outsider and he said that the reason I felt like one was by my own doing not his. So its kinda hard to explain. I don't know really. Is there something that I did you think to make him lose value for me? Is it something that I do that makes him and other exes not value me anymore?

 

The problem I think your having throughout all of this is you think it was all because of you. Whether you made him not want to be with you as much, or just the normal self esteem issues like your not pretty enough, etc. This is a silly and unhealthy way to look at your breakup. Do you want to know why you are not together? Because he doesn't want to be. That's all you need to look at it as, people are selfish and for some reason he chose not to include you in his life anymore, it happens. Don't be hurt over that, why would you want someone in your life who doesn't want you? He never even introduced you to his parents after all that time! That has to say something, no matter how you look at it. I enjoy showing my girlfriends where I come from and who my family is, and I enjoy showing my family who I potentially want to spend a good amount of my life with. You need to come to terms that he wasn't good for you, take him of the pedestal. You will eventually, after you've moved on and healed, find a man who tells you he loves you and shows you off to his family. You're way better off now, just take the time to realize it!!

[ZiggyZoo]

hi thanks I am gonna be honest and I know it sounds really bad right now but I wish we could have at least gotten to the part of moving in together because it would have actually made me feel a lot better about the progression of our relationship. I always felt like and outsider and he said that the reason I felt like one was by my own doing not his. So its kinda hard to explain. I don't know really. Is there something that I did you think to make him lose value for me? Is it something that I do that makes him and other exes not value me anymore?

 

BULLLLLLLLLSH*T! The reason you felt like an outsider was 100% on him, since he was the one keeping you out. I'm getting so pissed at him right now, to actually tell you that YOU'RE responsible for his actions. No, this was all on him.

 

And you know what? You didn't do anything to make him lose value for you, because he didn't know how to give you any in the first place. That was in no way meant as a slam against you, you absolutely have value and should be treated as such. But guys like him don't know how to appreciate the people in their lives. They just assume everyone is there for their benefit, to make their lives easier. That is also 100% on him and not on you.

 

Go to Baggage Reclaim. I know for a fact that she has a post on regaining your value yourself. You've taken the first steps, you've realized that you shouldn't be thinking like this about yourself, and you're on here. Just keep going.

[Lovingme81]

BULLLLLLLLLSH*T! The reason you felt like an outsider was 100% on him, since he was the one keeping you out. I'm getting so pissed at him right now, to actually tell you that YOU'RE responsible for his actions. No, this was all on him.

 

And you know what? You didn't do anything to make him lose value for you, because he didn't know how to give you any in the first place. That was in no way meant as a slam against you, you absolutely have value and should be treated as such. But guys like him don't know how to appreciate the people in their lives. They just assume everyone is there for their benefit, to make their lives easier. That is also 100% on him and not on you.

 

Go to Baggage Reclaim. I know for a fact that she has a post on regaining your value yourself. You've taken the first steps, you've realized that you shouldn't be thinking like this about yourself, and you're on here. Just keep going.

 

I just talked to my mom on the phone because I was feeling low. She said the reason why my boyfriend most likely left was because I complain too much and that I haven't bought a new car in ages. I have an old 2003 car and she said that I should have been working on getting a new car and improving myself so that he can see that I'm not lazy or just a complainer. I work full time but my job doesn't pay me that much. I do not like my job and I do complain but I go and I do try to make the best of what I have. I plan on looking for a new job again but I work close to home and so I got a bit content with that.

She said he has a nice car and a condo so he probably wants someone with more going for themselves

Needless to say I broke all the way down in tears at lunch. I'm back at work now. But I just feel literally like garbage. I don't know how you can literally feel like garbage but that's exactly how I feel.

 

 

thank you Riptide as well!

Edited April 13, 2015 by Lovingme81

[ZiggyZoo]

Well, I'm going to disrespect your mom here, but she's just as wrong as your ex. I can't believe that she said that to you! No wonder you are having self-esteem issues, if your own mother talks to you like that.

 

Your ex was a narcissistic, self-centered jerk. There's no telling why he decided to leave, but if it really was because you drive an older car, then he's even worse than I thought. And as far as complaining goes, if you can't complain to your boyfriend about stuff, who CAN you complain to? That's part of being in a relationship, having someone to be there for you and listen to you. Again thugh, we are talking about your ex, so there's no telling...

 

Seriously though, I'm sorry your mom said that. That's not fair, not true, and not nice.

[hestheone66]

I just talked to my mom on the phone because I was feeling low. She said the reason why my boyfriend most likely left was because I complain too much and that I haven't bought a new car in ages. I have an old 2003 car and she said that I should have been working on getting a new car and improving myself so that he can see that I'm not lazy or just a complainer. I work full time but my job doesn't pay me that much. I do not like my job and I do complain but I go and I do try to make the best of what I have. I plan on looking for a new job again but I work close to home and so I got a bit content with that.

She said he has a nice car and a condo so he probably wants someone with more going for themselves

Needless to say I broke all the way down in tears at lunch. I'm back at work now. But I just feel literally like garbage. I don't know how you can literally feel like garbage but that's exactly how I feel.

 

 

thank you Riptide as well!

 

 

I know what its lije to be devalued...however I akso know that you , especially as an intovert need to remember that the judgement of others as to your value is meaningless. . Dint wanit till you give uoyrself worth... DO things to pamper yourself..even if at first you are forcing it...after time if being kind to you your sekf esteem. ..

 

dont ask yourself how you feel about things...just makd a list of things and do them regardless if how you are feeling....tgen while doing them be mindful of pisitive mood shifts... btw yiur mother sounds as toxic as him...any wonder you have trouble valuing yourself... sorry to say she sounds lije a bitch who cant be nurturing. .what she said is garbage .

[Lovingme81]

Well, I'm going to disrespect your mom here, but she's just as wrong as your ex. I can't believe that she said that to you! No wonder you are having self-esteem issues, if your own mother talks to you like that.

 

Your ex was a narcissistic, self-centered jerk. There's no telling why he decided to leave, but if it really was because you drive an older car, then he's even worse than I thought. And as far as complaining goes, if you can't complain to your boyfriend about stuff, who CAN you complain to? That's part of being in a relationship, having someone to be there for you and listen to you. Again thugh, we are talking about your ex, so there's no telling...

 

Seriously though, I'm sorry your mom said that. That's not fair, not true, and not nice.

As I get older and older I start to realize why I have low self esteem. My mom is pretty mean. She is extra nice at times but she says the most hurtful things a lot of the time. She tells me I'm too sensitive and I need to lighten up. Blah blah blah. I feel like this may play in the part of me accepting emotional abuse.

[ZiggyZoo]

As I get older and older I start to realize why I have low self esteem. My mom is pretty mean. She is extra nice at times but she says the most hurtful things a lot of the time. She tells me I'm too sensitive and I need to lighten up. Blah blah blah. I feel like this may play in the part of me accepting emotional abuse.

 

I think you're absolutely right, her actions most likely DID contribute to your accepting it from your ex. That's something to think about for sure.

[Lovingme81]

I know what its lije to be devalued...however I akso know that you , especially as an intovert need to remember that the judgement of others as to your value is meaningless. . Dint wanit till you give uoyrself worth... DO things to pamper yourself..even if at first you are forcing it...after time if being kind to you your sekf esteem. ..

 

dont ask yourself how you feel about things...just makd a list of things and do them regardless if how you are feeling....tgen while doing them be mindful of pisitive mood shifts... btw yiur mother sounds as toxic as him...any wonder you have trouble valuing yourself... sorry to say she sounds lije a bitch who cant be nurturing. .what she said is garbage .

 

I will need to push myself a little harder once I get healed a bit. When I got out all I think about is him and how we went there or how now he's doing all this fun stuff with someone else. I just need to get it out of my head. I'm obsessing that he's gone and now happy with someone else. Its crazy!

[Lovingme81]

Hey there, I just wanted to chime in on a few things as I'm currently at work as well and it's semi slow. I saw you're in California, were neighbors! But anyways, I am glad you're using this site to help express yourself, I truly believe that helps. The more you keep bottled up inside the more you think about and eventually comes down to you never moving on. The journal is also a good way to express yourself, a lot of people have success with using a journal to write their feelings if they're too personal for LS. As for the things he bought you, if they are causing a huge distress on your life and well being, get rid of them! You can always buy another umbrella, etc etc.

 

Lastly, just think what if you had moved in with him and all this happened? You could have been stuck in something that was never good for you and detrimental to your happiness. Be thankful you didn't end up marrying this guy and having to go through all that. I hope you continue to feel better, and remember it's not easy because it's worth it.

Hi Neighbor! lol I just got home from work, I was feeling REALLY BAD but I feel a lot better now. The journal does help alot. I will try to take down the umbrella its so huge though lol. I will continue to go on, I'm just so up and down.

[BC1980]

I just talked to my mom on the phone because I was feeling low. She said the reason why my boyfriend most likely left was because I complain too much and that I haven't bought a new car in ages. I have an old 2003 car and she said that I should have been working on getting a new car and improving myself so that he can see that I'm not lazy or just a complainer. I work full time but my job doesn't pay me that much. I do not like my job and I do complain but I go and I do try to make the best of what I have. I plan on looking for a new job again but I work close to home and so I got a bit content with that.

She said he has a nice car and a condo so he probably wants someone with more going for themselves

Needless to say I broke all the way down in tears at lunch. I'm back at work now. But I just feel literally like garbage. I don't know how you can literally feel like garbage but that's exactly how I feel.

 

I don't know how a mother can say that kind of garbage to her own child. That is way beyond me. I am so very sorry that your own mother chooses not to support you and build you up. That is a huge betrayal and probably why you tried to earn this guy's affection. Your mom is wrong. You can't look to her for support.

[BC1980]

As I get older and older I start to realize why I have low self esteem. My mom is pretty mean. She is extra nice at times but she says the most hurtful things a lot of the time. She tells me I'm too sensitive and I need to lighten up. Blah blah blah. I feel like this may play in the part of me accepting emotional abuse.

 

Oh, I'm sure she does play a huge part in your willingness to accept abuse. She sounds manipulative if she is hot and cold. Those are the worst types of people because they make you doubt your own reality. Your parents train you how to act and what to accept. Anyone who tells you how to feel (too sensitive or to lighten up) is dangerous. Telling someone else how they ought to feel is invalidating the other person's experience.

[Lovingme81]

Oh, I'm sure she does play a huge part in your willingness to accept abuse. She sounds manipulative if she is hot and cold. Those are the worst types of people because they make you doubt your own reality. Your parents train you how to act and what to accept. Anyone who tells you how to feel (too sensitive or to lighten up) is dangerous. Telling someone else how they ought to feel is invalidating the other person's experience.

 

That is exactly how I feel! I have always been bullied into doing things. She says he isn't calling because he KNOWS i'm sitting at home and not having a life. I mean thats fine I guess but how does he know? He's not psychic. I'm done going to her for advice. Its stupid.

[Lovingme81]

I can't get out of bed to go to work ?

[Nolan 93]

You can't let the break up stop you from moving foward, you have to be strong and even hide behind a mask when your going outside. That's what I did give the impression that things are perfect in your life but in reality under that mask everything is not perfect.

 

The pain hurts I was dumped back in November, but kept moving foward cause guess what!!!? Sure as hell our dumpers are probably happy and moving foward right now.

[Lovingme81]

You can't let the break up stop you from moving foward, you have to be strong and even hide behind a mask when your going outside. That's what I did give the impression that things are perfect in your life but in reality under that mask everything is not perfect.

 

The pain hurts I was dumped back in November, but kept moving foward cause guess what!!!? Sure as hell our dumpers are probably happy and moving foward right now.

this makes me want to cry because its not right He's happy moving on and I loved him. I'm just so upset how could he just move on. Life is so messed up.

[Lovingme81]

I'm at work now, I can't believe how miserable I feel. I think about him all day and I try not to then I dream about him all night. I wake up and I PUSH myself and its hard and I just want to die. I don't want to keep feeling like this I try really hard. This isn't fair. He just walks away.