sandylee1 Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 (edited) Please don't tell me you're disappointed. Everybody here just says to go NC. I can't do that right now. But I am making an effort to try to get a doctor to help me. I want a doctor to slap the hell out of me and tell me how much of an idiot I am. I need a person to do that to my face, not words on a screen. I think that will help me. It's like asking a drug addict to simply stop using drugs. I promise it's not that easy. Anybody whose been through this will understand that statement. Okay. I want you to stay with us here and I usually tred gently TS. I'm sure it's not easy, but do you get what sort of a person she is from the posters here. If this had a chance of a happy ending I would have a different view. You are not people in horrible marriages. If you were, I'd say leave your wife and be with your true love. I don't believe you are your APs true love. Back to my question though. The pledge not to have another affair? So you'll be her last? Together forever? Or are you saying even if /when it ends, you don't want her to have another A? Edited March 3, 2015 by sandylee1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author troubled soul Posted March 3, 2015 Author Share Posted March 3, 2015 I guess it was more of a question I wanted to know. I mean it has to be weird falling for a woman who still has a husband she's going home to. The guy who was banging my wife probably had the same exact feelings as you. I'm sure I'll get bashed for saying this. But strangely, I feel worse for her husband than I do for my wife. Just based on the fact that this is her 4th time to do this, and he has never caught her at it. I think he must be a bit off, himself, to never have had a suspicion. At least she tells me he has never had a suspicion. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 Well, I don't know exactly when it happens, per se. But in general yes, I am jealous of that. Where are you going with this? Do you think she's jealous of you sleeping with your wife? I would guess not. I don't think she's as invested in you as you are her. You mentioned in your first post that she treats you like a BF, in what way exactly? Link to post Share on other sites
minimariah Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 It's like asking a drug addict to simply stop using drugs. I promise it's not that easy. Anybody whose been through this will understand that statement. sweetheart, you can. but you don't want it bad enough, you aren't motivated strongly enough to do it. you didn't reach your limit yet & unfortunately, i think the only way you'll truly end this A is if your W finds out about it. it is hard, SUPER hard. well, you are in love and you do have feelings for this woman. no matter how terrible she seems to be. & she makes you feel good and it is so incredibly hard to let go of that feeling - especially when no one knows about it and you're getting away with it. there is no pressure that would force you to choose, as simple as that. no addict will give up on their drug until they hit rock bottom. so i think you'll end it only when you're faces with some serious consequences. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
truncated Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 It's like asking a drug addict to simply stop using drugs. I promise it's not that easy. Anybody whose been through this will understand that statement. Oh for the love of #$%Y#.... Pretty much everyone has had a relationship end when they still had feelings for the other person, and most of them found a way to accept it. You are simply making excuses, couching it in the words pf psychobabble so that you can rationalize it to yourself. I will give the ow credit though. She sure knows how to manipulate. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 I'm sure I'll get bashed for saying this. But strangely, I feel worse for her husband than I do for my wife. Just based on the fact that this is her 4th time to do this, and he has never caught her at it. I think he must be a bit off, himself, to never have had a suspicion. At least she tells me he has never had a suspicion. I think men who have affairs with married women are taking a huge risk of having some violent repercussion. If I were a man in your position, I'd be very scared of that. Women are not so violent, although I have heard of women beating up their husband's OW. I think the things is you don't ever think you'll get caught. I'm not saying every body does, but the longer you're in it, the harder it will be. Link to post Share on other sites
minimariah Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 At least she tells me he has never had a suspicion. that's because he probably never cared enough to get suspicious - it's usually lile that. OR he knows it & puts up with it because he knows she isn't going anywhere. Link to post Share on other sites
truncated Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 This may sound harsh, but I am fed up with men and women who risk their kids mental health to chase a bit on the side, then start mooning about how it's "looovvveee" and they are an addict who can't stop. You can't stop because you don't want to stop. It's as simple as that. Your hormnones and your urges mean more to you right now than your kids and your wife. You say yourself, your marriage isn't bad, there's lots of sex, your wife is caring and devoted to you, and worships the grund you walk on. She's loyal, loving and a good mother, nuturing and kind. Meanwhile, you would risk hurting her, hurting your children, for miss tramp about town who is selfish, sneaky and a liar. She doesn't care who she hurts, so long as she gets her ego fix, and in her mind, to hell with everyone else, she deserves it, she's worth it, and she's going to get it. When you love someone, you do what's best for them, not wasgives you an ego boost. If she loved you, she'd know this affair wasn't any good for you, and she'd let you go. Notice how that aint happening? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
purplesorrow Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 that's because he probably never cared enough to get suspicious - it's usually lile that. OR he knows it & puts up with it because he knows she isn't going anywhere. Or, she's just a really good liar. It's very easy to fool someone that you know loves and trusts you. She's had a lot of practice at deceiving. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 I mentioned this to her yesterday and she wanted to make a pledge with me that she'd never have another affair. Since you're married, I think you've already made a pledge with someone else. You should probably take them one at a time. I want a doctor to slap the hell out of me and tell me how much of an idiot I am. No need to pay for that service, many of us here will do it for free !!! Mr. Lucky 6 Link to post Share on other sites
onemanband Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 T.s you said you need someone to slap you in the face , I'm sure your wife will be the one to do that, where do you think this is going to go, she won't leave her husband do you think your special, let her husband find out you think you have problem now, the thing is I'm sure you had these feeling when you where in front of the the preacher remember what you told your wife think about it........................this is amazing to me how you will give up everything to be the first loser, sloppy 2nds #2 what does she have that your wife is lacking It's fun until the rabbit has the gunn think about that Link to post Share on other sites
onemanband Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 She has some of the same things, a idiot for a husband , don't get mad I just call it like I see it ,,,, what's your next thread gonna be call How do I get my wife back.... Everyone was right.......Got kicked out and AP won't let me move in 1 Link to post Share on other sites
onemanband Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 Troubled soul it's just a matter of time until you get caught I'm sure your wife already has a idea something's going on , this OW has you so brainwashed you wouldn't even realize your wife is on to you end it asap or you will see your wife in a state of comatose it's not a pretty site don't put her thought that it's the worst thing a person will ever have to deal with its a life long torment Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 (edited) No one an help you if YOU aren't willing to change your behavior by the way you participate. Do YOU plan to DO anything differently in order to end the affair? On a different note you may want to consult an attorney so you have a idea what this will cost you when your wife finds out and wants a divorce. That may motivate you - knowing what you stand to lose by continuing the affair. Edited March 3, 2015 by beach Link to post Share on other sites
onemanband Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 T.s does she tell you how terrible her husband is or is he even brought up you need to start reading between the lines maybe then you will see how bad of a person she is, Link to post Share on other sites
jm2013 Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 It's all fun and games until you're caught red handed. It's like when you're a kid trying to wank it behind a closed door. It feels so good but you know one of those days somebody is going to unexpectedly pop through the door and bust you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Rainbowlove Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 No one an help you if YOU aren't willing to change your behavior by the way you participate. Do YOU plan to DO anything differently in order to end the affair? On a different note you may want to consult an attorney so you have a idea what this will cost you when your wife finds out and wants a divorce. That may motivate you - knowing what you stand to lose by continuing the affair. Child support and alimony payments adds up pretty quickly. Your wife is a stay at home mom - alimony is guaranteed. Your wife's attorney is going to want your balls on a silver platter. How much does a divorce cost now a days anyway? I just read an article that says 15k..I think that's cheap. Half your pension...to her....your angry wife who hates your guts for destroying everything she thought she had in life...and for hurting her babies. . 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author troubled soul Posted March 3, 2015 Author Share Posted March 3, 2015 Do you think she's jealous of you sleeping with your wife? I would guess not. I don't think she's as invested in you as you are her. You mentioned in your first post that she treats you like a BF, in what way exactly? I think that if I mention anything to her about sex with my wife, she cringes and tells me to shut up. So I know it bothers her. But your observation about her being less invested in me is likely correct. I've felt like that for months. But it still doesn't lessen my feelings for her, unfortunately. I think what I meant with the BF comment, was she is just playful and fun. She tells me I'm sexy and that I look nice. Sweet things like that. Texts me nice things throughout the day. Link to post Share on other sites
Author troubled soul Posted March 3, 2015 Author Share Posted March 3, 2015 I will give the ow credit though. She sure knows how to manipulate. Please elaborate on this comment. Link to post Share on other sites
Author troubled soul Posted March 3, 2015 Author Share Posted March 3, 2015 I think men who have affairs with married women are taking a huge risk of having some violent repercussion. If I were a man in your position, I'd be very scared of that. Women are not so violent, although I have heard of women beating up their husband's OW. I think the things is you don't ever think you'll get caught. I'm not saying every body does, but the longer you're in it, the harder it will be. Quite honestly, being physically harmed by her husband is not even a tiny blip on my radar. And he's a taller guy than me. I mean, yes, he might want to kick my ass, and I'd deserve it. I accept that. I deserve, at the very least, to be punched in the mouth violently. Link to post Share on other sites
Author troubled soul Posted March 3, 2015 Author Share Posted March 3, 2015 T.s does she tell you how terrible her husband is or is he even brought up you need to start reading between the lines maybe then you will see how bad of a person she is, She tells me that he's a good man, basically. But she also mentions his flaws occasionally. Really, most of her criticisms of him are so mild, they're laughable. Like things that I would do too if she was my wife. Of course I don't tell her that. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 Please elaborate on this comment. I'm sure Truncated will respond, but I think the comment means your OW threw the bait, you jumped, she gets gifts, complements, treats and red hot loving from you. You are smitten by her, she on the other hand would easily drop you at any sign of trouble. She likes the extra spice of another man and she's able to move on if it ends. She's got you eating out of her hands. She must be loving the hold she has over you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author troubled soul Posted March 3, 2015 Author Share Posted March 3, 2015 Child support and alimony payments adds up pretty quickly. Your wife is a stay at home mom - alimony is guaranteed. Your wife's attorney is going to want your balls on a silver platter. How much does a divorce cost now a days anyway? I just read an article that says 15k..I think that's cheap. Half your pension...to her....your angry wife who hates your guts for destroying everything she thought she had in life...and for hurting her babies. . Your comment is more noteworthy than you probably know. My net worth is, let's just say, higher than average. So my financial cost would be huge to divorce. Good point and thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Author troubled soul Posted March 3, 2015 Author Share Posted March 3, 2015 I'm sure Truncated will respond, but I think the comment means your OW threw the bait, you jumped, she gets gifts, complements, treats and red hot loving from you. You are smitten by her, she on the other hand would easily drop you at any sign of trouble. She likes the extra spice of another man and she's able to move on if it ends. She's got you eating out of her hands. She must be loving the hold she has over you. Ouch. This hurts my stomach. Literally. Because it's so true. If you really want to know how close you pegged it here, I'll say that she's "dumped" me twice. The first time, I asked her to give it another chance. The second time, she called me two days later after nc from me, asking me to give it another chance, but with her specified "conditions". Like I said, this comment of yours hits me in the guts, sandylee. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 My net worth is, let's just say, higher than average. Chris Rock famously said a man is only as faithful as his options. Do you think the entitlement that accompanies your financial status has played a part in your A? Mr. Lucky 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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