What inspires men to approach a woman?

[Phoe]

I've actually seen women that flirt a lot but gave me the impression they weren't really open for business. There are tons of women who flirt with guys they wouldn't touch with a 10 foot pole for one reason or another. Whether it's real or not just kind of depends on the way people instinctively respond to each other really. And you can usually tell within a pretty short amount of time whether it's there or not. I don't have a read on you yet but I'm not surprised Crystal gets hit on in the gym even without makeup on. Same thing with compulsive.

 

Phoe, I don't know, it's kind of a hard thing to suggest how to do since it's so instinctual. Maybe the first step would be to stop focusing on being so polite and just go with what you emotionally want to do. Whatever that is. I notice for instance you pretty much respond to everyone who posts in your thread here. I'm sure there are some posts you find less interesting than others or have to trudge through in order to respond, maybe start by just responding to the ones you want and let the others fall by the wayside. Even if it might end up leaving someone feeling left out. Only dance for others if they do something to stimulate you to.

 

If I see another example of what I'm talking about around here while this thread is still going on I'll try to point it out as an example.

 

 

Thanks Gaius.

 

I suppose the politeness is something that I've always liked in others. All my life I've admired the more polite people in my life, and in ways try to emulate them.

 

All the men I've fallen for and had crushes on, were exceptionally polite. It's something that I find attractive in others, therefore I find it attractive in myself.

 

Indeed, sometimes it is not easy replying to every post. Sometimes there will be a sarcastic or snarky or pointless post and I'm like "Really? What am I supposed to even say to that... waste of time"

 

I used to go so far as "liking" every post that people posted in a thread of mine, but found myself really struggling to keep up and getting frustrated over the simple idea of accidentally leaving a post out, so I rarely "like" posts anymore.

 

Most of the time, my natural emotional response is a polite one. It takes someone really pushing my buttons or saying something ridiculous to provoke a less than polite response from me... I'd say 3/4 of the time that not so polite response get held back. I bite my tongue, think of an alternative, and say something in response that indicates I don't appreciate it, without me getting nasty.

 

The rest of the 1/4 of the time when I end up letting out that not so polite provoked response, I end up regretting it...

 

I am quick witted and rather sharp, accordingly my words can easily inflict damage. When I get a mean streak in my head, it's seriously mean. Those words almost always wound the person they are said to. And then I just feel like a dick.

 

So stopping myself and thinking first, is typically the better option for me.

 

Doesn't mean I just lay down and get steamrolled, I just choose a less cutting vocabulary and tone. My friends and coworkers do respect that. They know not to mess with me, that I won't tolerate it, but they know I won't cut them down in the process.

[Frank2thepoint]

Men, what makes or breaks a decision to approach a woman?

 

Perhaps in a case like that it comes down to the most minute details, the nearly unexplainable little things that make or break it.

 

I have cold approached women in the past, but rarely do now. There have been a few instances where I approached a woman just because she gave off this air that she didn't want to be bothered. It was a challenge. I wanted to chat her up and get her to smile or laugh, as if it was some achievement where I melted her cold, guarded exterior and reached the warm, friendly center. I no longer do this since I garnered no success. I'm sure a lot of men feel the same that indifferent looking women are intimidating to approach. Sure there is a certain challenge and rush with it, but often nothing comes out of it for the man.

 

I have approached more women that were amiable in their demeanor. I'm not talking about huge grin on their face. There is a certain inviting look in the eyes, and a small crack of a smile, which is enough for me to approach. Such a woman is easier to chat up because she is in a relaxed mood, and open for conversation. Most men, with gumption, will easily approach such a woman.

 

Regardless, it could be any reason for a man to approach or not approach. Some men will only pursue the dolled up ladies. Some men like a dressed down woman. Some men will approach the indifferent woman, in hopes she just has a bitchy resting face. Some men will not even bother because of the vibe they get. Some men will only pursue really attractive women. Some men like to pursue the average looking woman. Some men will pursue the thin athletic woman. Some men like a little or a lot of meat on their woman. Some men like big tits on a woman. Some men like a big ass on a woman. Some men like a woman that is flat as a board. It is completely random. But the underlying factor is subtle attraction, that appeals to the eyes and stirs the heart too.

 

 

Most of my interests are male-oriented. Because of this, most of my friends are men because I'm meeting them and forming bonds over these shared interests.

 

 

Video Games, Sports, Science, Surfing, Rock-climbing, Weight-lifting... stuff like that.

 

 

They bring me many male friends, but no dating opportunities.

 

You may exude some "masculinity" in your demeanor. It could be something you never realized, like throwing the word "bro" out in the middle of a sentence. I had an ex that actually did this. I pointed it out to her and she never realized it because it became part of her vocabulary. Also, many of your listed hobbies are competitive by nature. This may have worked into your persona. Maybe the way you interact with men comes off competitive, or overly confident.

[Phoe]

You may exude some "masculinity" in your demeanor. It could be something you never realized, like throwing the word "bro" out in the middle of a sentence. I had an ex that actually did this. I pointed it out to her and she never realized it because it became part of her vocabulary. Also, many of your listed hobbies are competitive by nature. This may have worked into your persona. Maybe the way you interact with men comes off competitive, or overly confident.

 

Haha, oh man, not a fan of the word "bro". Just doesn't work for me...

 

I have a girly voice, and usually talk with a normal vocabulary. I sometimes use slightly more elaborate words, just because I find them fun to use, but I've gotten told off for it before. It is rare that I use a particular word that would be "manly" or perhaps just odd to hear out of a woman's mouth, and I typically do it to make a statement of sorts, or for shock value in a situation, which gets laughs.

 

I don't mind competition. I don't inherently compete where there's no reason, but when people decide to make a friendly competition of things, I am happy to join in, confidently, and make a good go of it. At the end though, I will be a good sport, whether I won or lost.

 

Ultimately I'm competitive with myself. I am to improve on what I do, and if I can beat my own standard on something, even if I'm a mile behind others, I will be glad to have done better than before.

 

All in all, I find that perhaps a big problem is that I'm too "in the middle"... I'm not enough this, not enough that... I'm not "girly", but I'm not masculine. I'm not dressed up but I'm not dressed down. I'm neither cocky nor meek.

 

I am so ridiculously average that I feel I don't stand out in anyway, to anyone. Any and every bell curve that could exist, for any sort of trait, I'm just smack dab in the middle.

[hotpotato]

 

 

You may exude some "masculinity" in your demeanor. It could be something you never realized, like throwing the word "bro" out in the middle of a sentence. I had an ex that actually did this. I pointed it out to her and she never realized it because it became part of her vocabulary. Also, many of your listed hobbies are competitive by nature. This may have worked into your persona. Maybe the way you interact with men comes off competitive, or overly confident.

 

Whats worse, is that shes probably good at all those things. If she were less competent and needed more help from men, that would work out in her favor. For example, if she liked weightlifting but needed a lot of help from men. Like, "Oh noez i cant lift this i need a man to halp me!!!" Men dont like it when a woman is as good or better than them at guy stuff. I can relate a lot to Phoe. Ive gotten around this problem in the past by dating men who are very secure in themselves. It also helps if hes really big and strong, like over 6 ft and over 200 lbs. Phoe wants to date these nerdy dudes, but unless hes nerdy and sporty and macho, thats not gonna work.

 

Phoe, you are 140 of steel and 5'8. A lot of dudes have those stats.( Thats not be mean bc I have similar stats.) There needs to be more contrast between you and the men you date. Either he needs to be really macho or he needs to be a new age dude cool with you taking the lead. Truth be told, most fit girls I see are dating their male equivalents as far as fitness.

Jamie Eason is buff and nerdy, and her husband is buff and nerdy. Shes not married to regular, everyday dude.

[Phoe]

Whats worse, is that shes probably good at all those things. If she were less competent and needed more help from men, that would work out in her favor. For example, if she liked weightlifting but needed a lot of help from men. Like, "Oh noez i cant lift this i need a man to halp me!!!" Men dont like it when a woman is as good or better than them at guy stuff. I can relate a lot to Phoe. Ive gotten around this problem in the past by dating men who are very secure in themselves. It also helps if hes really big and strong, like over 6 ft and over 200 lbs. Phoe wants to date these nerdy dudes, but unless hes nerdy and sporty and macho, thats not gonna work.

 

Phoe, you are 140 of steel and 5'8. A lot of dudes have those stats.( Thats not be mean bc I have similar stats.) There needs to be more contrast between you and the men you date. Either he needs to be really macho or he needs to be a new age dude cool with you taking the lead. Truth be told, most fit girls I see are dating their male equivalents as far as fitness.

Jamie Eason is buff and nerdy, and her husband is buff and nerdy. Shes not married to regular, everyday dude.

 

Well, I prefer nerdy because those are the kind of guys I connect with best, based on my limited experience.

 

I don't get attention often, but when I do, it's from the nerdy type. The high school band geek, The 100 lbs english major, the eclectic physics major, the anime fan, the RPG gamer... those are the ones who notice me and go out of their way to be in my life, whether romantically or as a fried.

 

The "buff macho" types pay me no mind. They have never paid one bit of attention to me. Accordingly, having never interacted with them on any extensive level, I have no idea what they might be like deep down, and if I can't assess their personalities, then I'm not interested. I have nothing to go off of.

 

I can't be interested in what I don't know...

 

The men who interact with me show me their personalities, and that's how I base my preferences.

 

In other news, I ADORE Jamie.

[CrystalCastles]

You may exude some "masculinity" in your demeanor. It could be something you never realized, like throwing the word "bro" out in the middle of a sentence. I had an ex that actually did this. I pointed it out to her and she never realized it because it became part of her vocabulary. Also, many of your listed hobbies are competitive by nature. This may have worked into your persona. Maybe the way you interact with men comes off competitive, or overly confident.

 

I can't really agree. Most of those interests Phoe listed are also mine too. I love working out, hiking, camping, chemistry, math, physics, stuff that's seen as "masculine". And for the same reasons I have also many male friends. I dress considerably more masculine than Phoe does, and I never have or have had a shortage of men interested in me. If a man finds a woman attractive and interesting, there will be little to stop him from showing his interest, at least IME.

 

I think its more to do with the area Phoe lives in, maybe the guys she chooses, bad luck and also the fact that she is too willing to change herself to accommodate someone else. Sometimes compromising her own needs and desires.

 

Hence why, Phoe, I think that if you're going to make any changes to yourself, you should do it for yourself. Not for some guy or because it will get you dates. You are a very date-worthy person, and I don't think you should be trying quite so hard to get dates. I think you need to be a little more sure of yourself and your worth.

Edited February 4, 2015 by CrystalCastles

[hotpotato]

I can't really agree. Most of those interests Phoe listed are also mine too. I love working out, hiking, camping, chemistry, math, physics, stuff that's seen as "masculine". And for the same reasons I have also many male friends. I dress considerably more masculine than Phoe does, and I never have or have had a shortage of men interested in me. I think its more to do with the area Phoe lives in, maybe the guys she chooses, bad luck and also the fact that she is too willing to change herself to accommodate someone else. Sometimes compromising her own needs and desires.

 

Hence why, Phoe, I think that if you're going to make any changes to yourself, you should do it for yourself. Not for some guy or because it will get you dates. You are a very date-worthy person, and I don't think you should be trying quite so hard to get dates. I think you need to be a little more sure of yourself and your worth.

 

I could say much of the same. I could easily have a lot of male friends. Attracting men isnt the problem. Keeping them around is.

 

Ia that phoe shouldnt go through great lengths to change herself. Imo ideal dude accepts phoe for phoe.

[Phoe]

I can't really agree. Most of those interests Phoe listed are also mine too. I love working out, hiking, camping, chemistry, math, physics, stuff that's seen as "masculine". And for the same reasons I have also many male friends. I dress considerably more masculine than Phoe does, and I never have or have had a shortage of men interested in me. I think its more to do with the area Phoe lives in, maybe the guys she chooses, bad luck and also the fact that she is too willing to change herself to accommodate someone else. Sometimes compromising her own needs and desires.

 

Hence why, Phoe, I think that if you're going to make any changes to yourself, you should do it for yourself. Not for some guy or because it will get you dates. You are a very date-worthy person, and I don't think you should be trying quite so hard to get dates. I think you need to be a little more sure of yourself and your worth.

 

I agree there are MANY factors at play... no one thing that could be flipped like a switch and change everything.

 

I do think I have value, I just don't think anyone can see it, because I don't know how to show it or broadcast it.

 

Hence the desire to make some tweaks. I'm not doing the best job right now at showing my worth. I'm hidden behind... something. I don't even know what, really.

 

If I can do something to get noticed, to get my foot in the door, I will be much better off.

[you_can_not_see_me]

Usually girls who make more eye contact get approached more, simple as that. Eye contact basically tells a guy that the girl has noticed him, so guys figure there is a better chance of hitting it off with her.

[Phoe]

Usually girls who make more eye contact get approached more, simple as that. Eye contact basically tells a guy that the girl has noticed him, so guys figure there is a better chance of hitting it off with her.

 

I go beyond eye contact, I smile at people and I talk to people everywhere I go.

 

Is that too much?

[Frank2thepoint]

Haha, oh man, not a fan of the word "bro". Just doesn't work for me...

 

I have a girly voice, and usually talk with a normal vocabulary. I sometimes use slightly more elaborate words, just because I find them fun to use, but I've gotten told off for it before. It is rare that I use a particular word that would be "manly" or perhaps just odd to hear out of a woman's mouth, and I typically do it to make a statement of sorts, or for shock value in a situation, which gets laughs.

 

I don't mind competition. I don't inherently compete where there's no reason, but when people decide to make a friendly competition of things, I am happy to join in, confidently, and make a good go of it. At the end though, I will be a good sport, whether I won or lost.

 

Ultimately I'm competitive with myself. I am to improve on what I do, and if I can beat my own standard on something, even if I'm a mile behind others, I will be glad to have done better than before.

 

All in all, I find that perhaps a big problem is that I'm too "in the middle"... I'm not enough this, not enough that... I'm not "girly", but I'm not masculine. I'm not dressed up but I'm not dressed down. I'm neither cocky nor meek.

 

I am so ridiculously average that I feel I don't stand out in anyway, to anyone. Any and every bell curve that could exist, for any sort of trait, I'm just smack dab in the middle.

 

From the majority of your posts that I've read in the past year, you do sound to be a pretty cool, down-to-earth woman. I don't think you are average at all. You actually do things, have hobbies. As I've mentioned in another thread, you had some bumps along the road of relationships. Sh*t happens to everyone when it comes to relationships. But there are only two things that I can think of at this point that is limiting your chances of meeting men, and hopefully a quality man.

 

One is your location and environment. You are in a small town, and the men there sound like they prefer overly feminine, dainty, and dramatic women.

 

Two is your body language and how you express yourself to men. This one is hard to gauge, because none of us on here know you in person so you'll have to actually get opinions from people that know you in real life, such as co-workers, acquaintances, even people you barely know but interact with regularly such as the coffee shop employees. You can even ask the next man that approaches another woman, but not you, and ask him why he decided to not chat you up at all.

 

 

Whats worse, is that shes probably good at all those things. If she were less competent and needed more help from men, that would work out in her favor. For example, if she liked weightlifting but needed a lot of help from men. Like, "Oh noez i cant lift this i need a man to halp me!!!" Men dont like it when a woman is as good or better than them at guy stuff. I can relate a lot to Phoe. Ive gotten around this problem in the past by dating men who are very secure in themselves. It also helps if hes really big and strong, like over 6 ft and over 200 lbs. Phoe wants to date these nerdy dudes, but unless hes nerdy and sporty and macho, thats not gonna work.

 

I can't really agree. Most of those interests Phoe listed are also mine too. I love working out, hiking, camping, chemistry, math, physics, stuff that's seen as "masculine". And for the same reasons I have also many male friends. I dress considerably more masculine than Phoe does, and I never have or have had a shortage of men interested in me. If a man finds a woman attractive and interesting, there will be little to stop him from showing his interest, at least IME.

 

There is nothing wrong with Phoe's hobbies, or any woman having "masculine" hobbies. They are non-threatening hobbies that a person is interested in, which every person has a right to. I was referring to the effect such hobbies have on your everyday behavior. For example, like Phoe, there are women that are into sports. Some women, actually are so into it, that it's competitive. They'll talk lot of sh*t if their team(s) are doing good, and even throw it into other people's faces, even make sardonic jokes. Majority of men that know women like these, only see them as a buddy. They are fun to be around, but a man can't see himself being romantic with one.

 

 

I go beyond eye contact, I smile at people and I talk to people everywhere I go.

 

Is that too much?

 

Maybe the men see you as a social butterfly. You are great as a friend, but no so much as a girlfriend.

[hotpotato]

 

 

There is nothing wrong with Phoe's hobbies, or any woman having "masculine" hobbies. They are non-threatening hobbies that a person is interested in, which every person has a right to. I was referring to the effect such hobbies have on your everyday behavior. For example, like Phoe, there are women that are into sports. Some women, actually are so into it, that it's competitive. They'll talk lot of sh*t if their team(s) are doing good, and even throw it into other people's faces, even make sardonic jokes. Majority of men that know women like these, only see them as a buddy. They are fun to be around, but a man can't see himself being romantic with one.

 

 

Of course, there's nothing wrong with having masculine hobbies, but let's not sugar coat this. A lot of men aren't going to find that feminine or sexy, especially if she's good at them and better than the men. They can be very threatening. Imagine being with your gf and someone says, "Hey, your gf is more beefcake than you/can beat you up!" It takes a very special man to be cool with that kind of stuff. Phoe doesn't need to make sardonic comments or act competitive for it to be off putting to men (I highly doubt this is happening anyway). This is coming from a woman who has btdt! There are also examples on this website of women who are hot but overly competent (to the average man) and have problems keeping men around for relationships. Sure, guys like women who like sports, but not when women are equal or better than them at sports. See above examples. It's not pc, but it's true.

Edited February 4, 2015 by hotpotato

[The Mighty Quinn]

Alot of the comments here resonated with me. I don't get hit on by age appropiate men. Just the other day some 60 year old man hit on me at the grocery store. I just thought he was a cute 'grandpa' and was friendly talking to him, next thing I know he's asking me out for coffee. He even thought I was college-age which was more disturbing. In what universe is it okay for a 60 year old man to hit on someone he thinks is in college for a date? I was so depressed after that. I felt my ovaries shrivel up. I just told him I had a boyfriend even though I didn't. And pretended I was 'flattered" even though I wasn't.

 

Phoe, you sound like a wonderful woman. I think you just need to be yourself - as cliche as it sounds - and just own it completely. The right guy for you will love that.

 

And while like you, I don't usually get hit on, a couple of my friend's boyfriends and husbands always comment about what a great girl I am and why I don't date more. I never could figure out why they said these things to me because in general, most men don't seem too interested in me. I finally realized it's because I'm relaxed and open with them because their my friend's partners. I treat them like I treat my gfs. There is no possibility for romance and sex. Unlike other men who I am not relaxed and open around because they are possible romantic partners.

 

It wouldn't hurt to put yourself in more situations where you knew the men were open to dating too. Like singles events and the likes.

[hotpotato]

^Where is grandpas hitting on young women ok? On ls! Youre about to open a can of worms!

[Phoe]

From the majority of your posts that I've read in the past year, you do sound to be a pretty cool, down-to-earth woman. I don't think you are average at all. You actually do things, have hobbies. As I've mentioned in another thread, you had some bumps along the road of relationships. Sh*t happens to everyone when it comes to relationships. But there are only two things that I can think of at this point that is limiting your chances of meeting men, and hopefully a quality man.

 

One is your location and environment. You are in a small town, and the men there sound like they prefer overly feminine, dainty, and dramatic women.

 

Two is your body language and how you express yourself to men. This one is hard to gauge, because none of us on here know you in person so you'll have to actually get opinions from people that know you in real life, such as co-workers, acquaintances, even people you barely know but interact with regularly such as the coffee shop employees. You can even ask the next man that approaches another woman, but not you, and ask him why he decided to not chat you up at all.

 

There is nothing wrong with Phoe's hobbies, or any woman having "masculine" hobbies. They are non-threatening hobbies that a person is interested in, which every person has a right to. I was referring to the effect such hobbies have on your everyday behavior. For example, like Phoe, there are women that are into sports. Some women, actually are so into it, that it's competitive. They'll talk lot of sh*t if their team(s) are doing good, and even throw it into other people's faces, even make sardonic jokes. Majority of men that know women like these, only see them as a buddy. They are fun to be around, but a man can't see himself being romantic with one.

 

Maybe the men see you as a social butterfly. You are great as a friend, but no so much as a girlfriend.

 

I try hard to not appear "overly competent".... I'm not flashy about the things I'm good at. I do my things, get them done quietly, and move on to the next. Sometimes it just happens where I have no choice but to show my abilities and people just look at me with a very puzzled look.

 

I told a story recently about a time at work where 2 men were trying very hard to push several hundred pounds of equipment. I came by to help, braced my back against the wall, put my left leg against the equipment, and balanced myself with my right leg, and just pushed te equipment out of the way.

 

The 2 men looked at me like "WHAT THE HELL? You moved that with with ONE leg. ONE. We both couldn't move it with our entire bodyforce. WHAT?"

 

One of them still laughs about it.

 

I don't get competitive about my sports teams. Baseball is the only sport where I have a team that I support unconditionally. All others sports I just watch for the sake of the sport without any care who wins. And even with my baseball team, few people know I'm a supporter. People know I like sports and that I'll be down to watch and down to discuss gameplay, but that I will be very unbiased about it.

 

I worry that my "social butterfly" tendencies could be offputting. I'm technically an introvert, but when I'm out and about, I talk with anyone and everyone. I make friends with almost any kind of person, and don't really make enemies.

 

I could see men not liking that.

[Phoe]

Of course, there's nothing wrong with having masculine hobbies, but let's not sugar coat this. A lot of men aren't going to find that feminine or sexy, especially if she's good at them and better than the men. They can be very threatening. Imagine being with your gf and someone says, "Hey, your gf is more beefcake than you/can beat you up!" It takes a very special man to be cool with that kind of stuff. Phoe doesn't need to make sardonic comments or act competitive for it to be off putting to men (I highly doubt this is happening anyway). This is coming from a woman who has btdt! There are also examples on this website of women who are hot but overly competent (to the average man) and have problems keeping men around for relationships. Sure, guys like women who like sports, but not when women are equal or better than them at sports. See above examples. It's not pc, but it's true.

 

 

I remember even as a little girl, my father telling me that he expected me to have trouble getting boyfriends all my life.

 

I wonder if this is why...

 

I was definitely a talented kid with a lot of drive. I went to a performing arts private school, played several instruments, studied acting and theater, was in the state honor choir and honor band, studied dance, did colorguard and drumline and marching band, was the band's drum major, then whisked away to softball practice and waterpolo practice. Would come home and do private sports training with my dad, practice my flute, study for my ridiculous course load, and managed to graduate in the top 10 for my graduating class.

 

Then went to college at a top 10 public university in the nation, majored and double minored while working 2 jobs, still maintaining a fitness regimen, played rugby one quarter, was in a sorority, and volunteered twice a week at an animal shelter and once a month with a tree planting group. And sometimes took salsa dancing lessons.

 

And in my off time still managed to find time for my favorite hobbies - surfing, snowboarding, fishing, camping, and rock-climbing.

 

I was non-stop. I was all over the place doing EVERYTHING I could, and did it all well.

 

It's a miracle my father kept up with it all... and perhaps he knew thought that I would just plain overwhelm a lot of people.

[Frank2thepoint]

I remember even as a little girl, my father telling me that he expected me to have trouble getting boyfriends all my life.

 

I wonder if this is why...

 

I was definitely a talented kid with a lot of drive. I went to a performing arts private school, played several instruments, studied acting and theater, was in the state honor choir and honor band, studied dance, did colorguard and drumline and marching band, was the band's drum major, then whisked away to softball practice and waterpolo practice. Would come home and do private sports training with my dad, practice my flute, study for my ridiculous course load, and managed to graduate in the top 10 for my graduating class.

 

Then went to college at a top 10 public university in the nation, majored and double minored while working 2 jobs, still maintaining a fitness regimen, played rugby one quarter, was in a sorority, and volunteered twice a week at an animal shelter and once a month with a tree planting group. And sometimes took salsa dancing lessons.

 

And in my off time still managed to find time for my favorite hobbies - surfing, snowboarding, fishing, camping, and rock-climbing.

 

I was non-stop. I was all over the place doing EVERYTHING I could, and did it all well.

 

It's a miracle my father kept up with it all... and perhaps he knew thought that I would just plain overwhelm a lot of people.

 

Wow, you did a lot. Men that saw this probably figured you were too busy to spend time with them, even though what you were doing was fulfilling for you. Are you currently just as busy now? Do you often openly share your busy schedule with friends and co-workers?

[Phoe]

Wow, you did a lot. Men that saw this probably figured you were too busy to spend time with them, even though what you were doing was fulfilling for you. Are you currently just as busy now? Do you often openly share your busy schedule with friends and co-workers?

 

No, not as busy now. It all calmed down in 2011 when I graduated from college. Now I just work full time, spend a few hours a week working out. I surf a few times in the summer and snowboard a few times in the winter, and fish a handful of times a year. Nothing exceptionally time consuming.

 

People who knew me back then definitely knew I was busy. I remember getting bullied alot about it until I went to college.

 

But, the busy schedule was only ever knowledge to those who knew me well. Strangers on the street, and those who were only acquainted with me, never knew.

 

My friends and coworkers today know what I like to do, but because I'm really not terribly busy anymore, it doesn't come off that way.

[Sassy Girl]

My best friend gets approached all the time...she wears no makeup, has a mans hairstyle, flat chest and wears cargos All. The. time.

 

When we travelled through Asia, they thought she was my boyfriend.

 

The amount that people approach her is insane.

 

Why? Shes just enigmatic. She has a GREAT smile, has such a positive outlook to life, loves people and surrounds herself with love and light. People are just drawn to that. And thats why she is my besty.

[CrystalCastles]

Of course, there's nothing wrong with having masculine hobbies, but let's not sugar coat this. A lot of men aren't going to find that feminine or sexy, especially if she's good at them and better than the men. They can be very threatening.

 

Yeah, this speaks volumes of the masculinity of such men. The fact that a woman likes hiking, working out, camping, rock climbing, science, etc emasculates a guy speaks volumes about how pathetic and wimpy he is. A girl shouldn't have to sacrifice what she likes just to make some guy feel better about himself. I would never give up my hobbies just to accommodate some guy. I like being independent, I like being able to live by myself and I don't need a man to take care of me, cook for me, fix things around the house for me, etc. I can already do that myself and that doesn't make me a "masculine" woman because I can function like an adult. What tosh. Phoe shouldn't go dump her hobbies just because some pathetic men felt emasculated by a woman being independent.

[Phoe]

Yeah, this speaks volumes of the masculinity of such men. The fact that a woman likes hiking, working out, camping, rock climbing, science, etc emasculates a guy speaks volumes about how pathetic and wimpy he is. A girl shouldn't have to sacrifice what she likes just to make some guy feel better about himself. I would never give up my hobbies just to accommodate some guy. I like being independent, I like being able to live by myself and I don't need a man to take care of me, cook for me, fix things around the house for me, etc. I can already do that myself and that doesn't make me a "masculine" woman because I can function like an adult. What tosh. Phoe shouldn't go dump her hobbies just because some pathetic men felt emasculated by a woman being independent.

 

I could never stop doing the things I like...

 

The question is whether I can do something to make men more comfortable with it. Can I still do all the same things, but appear less "threatening" so to speak.

 

I already do try to make sure I never "emasculate" a man, so to speak. I am deliberate and take care to not overdo anything, but some combination of factors is still not quite gelling.

[Woggle]

Phoe most men have no problem being attracted to women who are into those things. We really are not as shallow and backwards as the stereotypes suggest. From everything you have posted on here it seems like a man would be lucky to have you. The reason why men don't approach you has very little if anything to do with you. It is the mixed messages men get these days about approaching women in general.

[Phoe]

The reason why men don't approach you has very little if anything to do with you. It is the mixed messages men get these days about approaching women in general.

 

I'd accept this without much resistance if the majority of women were in the same boat as me.

 

But I think it would take some searching to find a 25 year old woman who has NEVER been approached and asked for her number. I think that makes me a bit of an oddball.

 

One of my friends, just an average 27 year old, ALWAYS has at least 4 or 5 men she's talking to. And they all seemingly compete for her attention, lots of wooing and romancing. None of it ever pans out as she's on to the next 5 guys next month, but she's an example of a woman who has never lacked male attention.

 

I have witnessed men walk up to her in a store and say "I don't normally do this, but I saw you and I just HAD to come talk to you..." and then they chat and within a few minutes he has her number.

[hotpotato]

Phoe most men have no problem being attracted to women who are into those things. We really are not as shallow and backwards as the stereotypes suggest. From everything you have posted on here it seems like a man would be lucky to have you. The reason why men don't approach you has very little if anything to do with you. It is the mixed messages men get these days about approaching women in general.

 

Beg to differ! Btdt.

Woggle is probably more secure in his masculinity than most men...

A guy might like a woman who is into masculine things but doesnt outshine him.

[hotpotato]

I could never stop doing the things I like...

 

The question is whether I can do something to make men more comfortable with it. Can I still do all the same things, but appear less "threatening" so to speak.

 

I already do try to make sure I never "emasculate" a man, so to speak. I am deliberate and take care to not overdo anything, but some combination of factors is still not quite gelling.

 

The dating gurus like Evan Mark katz suggest you very gently ease a man into seeing you as strong. Like pushing hundreds of pounds with one leg would be a no no in the beginning. Lol