What inspires men to approach a woman?

[RBLL]

Well, I've never approached a woman so I really can't answer your question. I wish I knew how to approach them, but I don't. But I do know a lot of men wish that women would approach them! You could try that.

[CrystalCastles]

Personally I think you need to relax.

 

I don't dress feminine whatsoever. I wear my hair either in a ponytail or a braid because its very long, very thick and if I wear it down it will look like a rat's nest by the end of the day. I don't wear makeup at all. I wear hiking boots, my favourite jeans, a ski jacket and plaid shirts. I look ready to go horseback riding or climbing rocks than out and about in my city. But I've found the sporty guys like that. I get asked out or hit on quite frequently, and I've asked guys what made them approach me and they usually say "because you're hot/beautiful/pretty/attractive etc" or "because you look like a smart girl".

 

So I think wearing a skirt or not wearing a skirt or cutting your hair is just a small detail. I don't know if you're this way IRL but on Loveshack you come across as really uptight. Maybe you need to stop caring so much about what other people think. Maybe you just need to stop asking people what they think of your blue hair and just wear your blue hair because you like it.

 

My mom tried to turn me into a girly princess because according to her I dress too masculine. Yet my masculine dress doesn't stop the nerdy guys, or the jocks at the gym from hitting on me. I'm more comfortable the way I am. And I'll dress however I want to because that's the way I like it. So maybe you need to fixate a little less on the opinions of others and do whatever you want more. People considerably uglier than you, who are less intelligent and more nasty get dates, get boyfriends and get married. So its not impossible and you don't need to try so hard to be someone you're not just to please guys.

[Phoe]

Maybe you need to stop caring so much about what other people think. Maybe you just need to stop asking people what they think of your blue hair and just wear your blue hair because you like it.

 

I never asked anyone their opinion.

 

People offer up their opinion without being asked.

 

I never ask anyone what they think about me. Because I think I'm best off not knowing.

 

What good does it do to ask people what they think of me? Either people have to lie and say something nice to make me feel good, or they say something I don't want to hear. Who wants that?

 

I don't ask questions.

 

When people give opinions on how I look, it's not because I asked. They simply offer it up unprompted. I can't change that.

[Phoe]

I wouldn't say I come across IRL as "uptight", at least via my own perception of what that word means.

 

I'm a relaxed and chill person. People tell me so all the time. That I'm easy going.

 

I am perhaps, "uptight" in the sense that I am hard on myself, and I expect alot of myself, and I hold myself to a certain standard and definitely will work hard to make sure I don't dip below that standard.... I suppose it's what people who know me would call detail oriented and a perfectionist. I get told from time to time to take it easy on myself.

 

But uptight? I imagine some prim and proper, snooty, stuck up, super rigid person who is unyielding, unwilling to bend, always sticks 100% to the rules... I imagine the classic librarian with hair in an impossibly tight bun, lips pursed, turtleneck on, ruler in hand, ready to shush you if you breathe too loudly.

 

Sure, I overthink things sometimes. I overwork myself sometimes... but it's not an overall indicator of who I am on a day to day basis. I'm relaxed, easy going, I don't sweat the small stuff, in fact I laugh at the small stuff. I had a pretty rough and crazy morning at work, at the end of the work day I laughed it off with a coworker and went home smiling.

 

But I come here to vent out the "uptight" feelings and the thoughts that sometimes get in my head, because they have no place in my life. I don't want to dwell on them, I want to address them, fix them, and get back to life!

[Diezel]

I imagine the classic librarian with hair in an impossibly tight bun, lips pursed, turtleneck on, ruler in hand, ready to shush you if you breathe too loudly.

 

That's actually kinda hot.

[Phoe]

I know the perception I give on this site sucks. I don't come off as the most attractive or appealing person.

 

But I'm honest about the things I am thinking and would like to change. I don't sugarcoat or downplay the anxiety I sometimes get.

 

But I address it, come here to talk about it and attempt to solve it. Then move forward.

 

All in all, I'm just a silly, lighthearted girl who finds humor in everything. Always laughing, not afraid to laugh at herself, not afraid to look silly.

 

I know that side of me doesn't show here. And honestly, how would it? I'm not here to laugh and be silly with posters. I'm not here to have a bit of a chat and socialize. I'm here because I'm attempting to work on the things that bother me. I'm here to make progress and get advice.

 

And honestly, yes, that means LS is going to see my bad side. LS is going to see the anxious and sad side. LS is going to see my worries.

 

But my posts don't define me. I am much more than these blocks of text.

[Phoe]

That's actually kinda hot.

 

Hahah! When I wore my glasses my ex would describe me as a sexy librarian. I never understood it...

 

Is the draw the idea of having that rigid and austere woman let loose for you? Or is the rigidity itself appealing on its own?

[RBLL]

You're definitely attractive. Very intimidating to a lot of men. I think if you approached men, they would melt and be smitten.

[Phoe]

You're definitely attractive. Very intimidating to a lot of men. I think if you approached men, they would melt and be smitten.

 

I've just got to approach the right men.

 

Many men are just not okay with being approached.

 

Bad luck, all the men I ever approached either weren't interested anyway, or aren't the type to accept an approach. I don't think I could've done anything differently, it just didn't work in those cases.

 

Just like men don't know what they're walking into when approaching a woman, I don't know what I'm walking into when I approach a man. There's no magic sign on them that says "I'm okay with being approached".

 

I just gotta keep trying. If I have to try 100 times before a man accepts my approach, then so be it, that's the way it is!

 

But I'd be lying if I said it wouldn't mean alot to me if men approached me. It would mean alot to me. Being approached politely and asked for my number would 100% make my day. I'd be thrilled.

[mortensorchid]

You might as well as what the meaning of life is. I myself have wondered this many times, because I never cease to be amazed at what I see before me. I think women are told that they are to be beautiful, smart, have wonderful personalities, and perfect bodies. And I see so many of them being overthrown or passed over for someone who is anything but these things.

 

 

I think what causes the man to approach a woman is that he finds her physically attractive and no other reason. And if and when that comes to an end, they go for a less attractive woman because they want someone who's not as beautiful, smart, have such wonderful personalities, and have fat rolls because that one who is lesser than they are will make them the center of their universe so they feel superior to them. Fact.

[Erised]

s "I'm okay with being approached".

.

 

Don't approach and ask for their number. Approach and start a conversation and give them the chance to do something and take some initiative. I think that solves that risk. You can approach without being extremely aggressive.

[RBLL]

Don't approach and ask for their number. Approach and start a conversation and give them the chance to do something and take some initiative. I think that solves that risk. You can approach without being extremely aggressive.

 

 

If he seems to be attracted to you, but he's shy and doesn't ask you for your number, ask him for his. Couldn't hurt. He might just be relieved and grateful.

[Phoe]

Don't approach and ask for their number. Approach and start a conversation and give them the chance to do something and take some initiative. I think that solves that risk. You can approach without being extremely aggressive.

 

See this is the way I am just normally.

 

Even without intentions, I'll just talk to people.

 

I can see a guy whose got a neat t-shirt on of something I like, I'll go up to him and talk to him about it.

 

Or I could be at the grocery store seeing a guy contemplate over some yogurts that I happen to like, I'll tell him that the yogurt is really good and is definitely worth it, and I'll tell him which flavors I like the best. He thanks me and grabs a few in his cart, and I jokingly tell him I hope he likes it, but on the chance that he doesn't like it I had no part in it.

 

Conversations are easy. I talk to people everywhere. Men, women, my age, younger, older, elderly.

[BlueIris]

I know the perception I give on this site sucks. I don't come off as the most attractive or appealing person.

 

But I'm honest about the things I am thinking and would like to change. I don't sugarcoat or downplay the anxiety I sometimes get.

 

But I address it, come here to talk about it and attempt to solve it. Then move forward.

 

All in all, I'm just a silly, lighthearted girl who finds humor in everything. Always laughing, not afraid to laugh at herself, not afraid to look silly.

 

I know that side of me doesn't show here. And honestly, how would it? I'm not here to laugh and be silly with posters. I'm not here to have a bit of a chat and socialize. I'm here because I'm attempting to work on the things that bother me. I'm here to make progress and get advice.

 

And honestly, yes, that means LS is going to see my bad side. LS is going to see the anxious and sad side. LS is going to see my worries.

 

But my posts don't define me. I am much more than these blocks of text.

 

Well, I had no idea how lovely you are! I just looked at your photos the other night when someone mentioned them on the thread. Phoe! Wow!

 

I'm glad you're planning to move. You will have many more men approaching you in a larger town or city, I'm sure. You'd do VERY well in the Phoenix area or the Denver area where athletic + beautiful are highly valued. Hm... PHOEnix....

[Phoe]

Well, I had no idea how lovely you are! I just looked at your photos the other night when someone mentioned them on the thread. Phoe! Wow!

 

I'm glad you're planning to move. You will have many more men approaching you in a larger town or city, I'm sure. You'd do VERY well in the Phoenix area or the Denver area where athletic + beautiful are highly valued. Hm... PHOEnix....

 

Thank you Iris.

 

 

 

Denver was in my thoughts... as well as Seattle.

 

I think I'd quite like Washington.

 

My dream home would be in Alaska but that's definitely not feasible right now or anytime soon.

[BlueIris]

Thank you Iris.

 

 

 

Denver was in my thoughts... as well as Seattle.

 

I think I'd quite like Washington.

 

My dream home would be in Alaska but that's definitely not feasible right now or anytime soon.

 

I like Seattle a lot too. Washington is great. All good thoughts.

It used to be that the male:female ratio in Alaska was very high. I wonder if it still is. But anyway, you aren't going to have to worry about that.

[gaius]

I think it's just a vibe you get from certain women. That they're open for business per se. Even on here I can usually tell who's open and who's not based on how they post and watching them interact with me and other posters.

 

Like with you Phoe, once in a while I'll get a slight breeze that you're open but most of the time it seems like you're not. For whatever reason. Like I can't recall really seeing you respond to anyone in a way that made me think "damn, he could get her". Except with maybe one small exception. And that might transfer into your regular life. Approaching/courting is a total two way thing. Most of the time.

[Gloria25]

I think it's just a vibe you get from certain women. That they're open for business per se. Even on here I can usually tell who's open and who's not based on how they post and watching them interact with me and other posters.

 

Like with you Phoe, once in a while I'll get a slight breeze that you're open but most of the time it seems like you're not. For whatever reason. Like I can't recall really seeing you respond to anyone in a way that made me think "damn, he could get her". Except with maybe one small exception. And that might transfer into your regular life. Approaching/courting is a total two way thing. Most of the time.

 

Agreed...

 

Cuz I know I intentionally dress down and/or don't care about attracting a guy in general...But, if I see a guy I like, I start paying more attention to my appearance around him and I pursue him (which makes me look like I'm trying too hard and may turn off a guy and/or have him wondering "why me?")

 

I had a gf who also never married and/or had kids. One day I flat out told her that she doesn't have anyone cuz she doesn't want anyone and she got mad....

 

Maybe Phoe is like that friend of mine and I...we complain about having problems meeting guys, but don't want to budge in our ways in order to attract one. Also, while there's "someone for everyone", it's harder on independent women cuz IMO, guys want to provide and protect and since we don't need them for much besides companionship and sex, there isn't enough incentive/glue for them to stick around.

[Phoe]

I think it's just a vibe you get from certain women. That they're open for business per se. Even on here I can usually tell who's open and who's not based on how they post and watching them interact with me and other posters.

 

Like with you Phoe, once in a while I'll get a slight breeze that you're open but most of the time it seems like you're not. For whatever reason. Like I can't recall really seeing you respond to anyone in a way that made me think "damn, he could get her". Except with maybe one small exception. And that might transfer into your regular life. Approaching/courting is a total two way thing. Most of the time.

 

any tips or suggestions on how to change that vibe?

 

It's definitely not something I'm conscious of. A very large percentage of the men here could get me. Toss out the ones with personal life issues that need to be worked on or very clear misogynistic tones, and I'd be left with men I could be happy to get to know.

 

I try to be friendly with everyone, but also appropriate so as not to offend someone who is not interested, taken, shy, etc.

[Erised]

I think it's just a vibe you get from certain women. That they're open for business per se.

 

I am not open for business!

 

I will give : I do flirt. A lot. With everyone.

[Phoe]

Agreed...

 

Cuz I know I intentionally dress down and/or don't care about attracting a guy in general...But, if I see a guy I like, I start paying more attention to my appearance around him and I pursue him (which makes me look like I'm trying too hard and may turn off a guy and/or have him wondering "why me?")

 

I had a gf who also never married and/or had kids. One day I flat out told her that she doesn't have anyone cuz she doesn't want anyone and she got mad....

 

Maybe Phoe is like that friend of mine and I...we complain about having problems meeting guys, but don't want to budge in our ways in order to attract one. Also, while there's "someone for everyone", it's harder on independent women cuz IMO, guys want to provide and protect and since we don't need them for much besides companionship and sex, there isn't enough incentive/glue for them to stick around.

 

I toned down the independent streak when I was with my ex.

 

I couldn't for the life of me understand why he wanted to open every door, whether it be to a building or a car. I couldn't understand why he wanted to carry every grocery bag, whether there were 10 of them or 1. I couldn't understand why he wanted to pick me up and carry me when I was sick or injured. I couldn't understand why he insisted on doing manual labor or physical type things despite knowing fully that I knew how to do those things and do them well.

 

I realized that it meant a lot to him. And I realized it didn't make me weak or helpless or dumb to have him do those things. So I stepped back and let him.

 

I still have let go of that streak a bit. But I pick and choose my battles.

 

Sometimes my coworkers will insist on doing something for me. Something small and trivial that I can do myself. A year ago I would've smiled and insisted they were being silly and carry on doing it myself. Now though? I smile, thank them, and let them do what they offered to do.

 

UNLESS... they honestly have 500 other things to do, are sick, etc. Seriously, I can handle this heavy box, you have pneumonia and have a hefty list of things to get done today in too few hours.

 

But if I know it will be of no burden, I let men do things for me now when they ask.

[Gloria25]

Again, you gotta put yourself out there...cuz no guy is gonna knock on your door and give you a chance to get to know you if you don't put up a neon"open" sign. Guys can't walk around "guessing" what you're like.

 

Think of it like a job interview. Why should I hire you if you show up in jeans, khakis, or an over expensive/tailored suit? If you didn't take enough time to make yourself presentable, how do I know you'll be able to dress for the job.

 

One time I had an interview with Home Depot years ago. I, wore a skirt business suit - while the other females wore slacks. Seeing what Home Depot is/was about, slacks would have been more appropriate.

 

Get my drift?

[Phoe]

I am not open for business!

 

I will give : I do flirt. A lot. With everyone.

 

Haha!

 

I don't flirt much... at least not brazenly.

 

My flirting is innocent, G rated, and subtle... and likely a bit silly.

 

I have a good male friend that I flirt with innocently, we do so because it's truly innocent, it's fun, and it's especially fun watching the reactions from others around us. Our flirtation is the witty banter type. The "I can't tell if they're flirting or fighting" type of flirting.

 

And we go and go and go until we're both out of breath from laughing.

 

But the point blank sexual type of flirting? No way! Can't do it. If I tried I'd probably be incredibly awkward/creepy.

[Gloria25]

Again, you gotta put yourself out there...cuz no guy is gonna knock on your door and give you a chance to get to know you if you don't put up a neon"open" sign. Guys can't walk around "guessing" what you're like.

 

Think of it like a job interview. Why should I hire you if you show up in jeans, khakis, or an over expensive/tailored suit? If you didn't take enough time to make yourself presentable, how do I know you'll be able to dress for the job.

 

One time I had an interview with Home Depot years ago. I, wore a skirt business suit - while the other females wore slacks. Seeing what Home Depot is/was about, slacks would have been more appropriate.

 

Now once you get the guy's attention (or the job) then you'll find out what the dress code is and see if you can conform (your probationary period)...and, same with the guy. You got his attention and now he's dating you and learning more about you...in time you'll know if he likes you for you, or the person that got his attention initially.

 

Get my drift?

[Erised]

Haha!

 

I don't flirt much... at least not brazenly.

 

My flirting is innocent, G rated, and subtle... and likely a bit silly.

 

.

 

My flirting is innocent- sometimes subtle sometimes not- and constant... with someone I have no interest in. The jokes, teasing, light touches...

 

To be fair, if I'm really interested in someone and I'm not already 100% positive they are crazy about me, my flirting and wit breaks a little bit and it's not as effective.

That might be everyone.