hotpotato Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 Yeah, this speaks volumes of the masculinity of such men. The fact that a woman likes hiking, working out, camping, rock climbing, science, etc emasculates a guy speaks volumes about how pathetic and wimpy he is. A girl shouldn't have to sacrifice what she likes just to make some guy feel better about himself. I would never give up my hobbies just to accommodate some guy. I like being independent, I like being able to live by myself and I don't need a man to take care of me, cook for me, fix things around the house for me, etc. I can already do that myself and that doesn't make me a "masculine" woman because I can function like an adult. What tosh. Phoe shouldn't go dump her hobbies just because some pathetic men felt emasculated by a woman being independent. Yup. I notice in my circle that smart women tend to get married later. The average and not so bright girls get scooped up quickly. Kinda sad weve made such little progress. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 The dating gurus like Evan Mark katz suggest you very gently ease a man into seeing you as strong. Like pushing hundreds of pounds with one leg would be a no no in the beginning. Lol I would love to disagree but my personal experience tallies with this. You mustn't make a man feel that you are competing with him. You have to let him get to know you and to feel comfortable that you have similar pursuits and that perhaps sometimes you will be better at certain things than he is. One regular poster here sometimes says that men are not fragile creatures but I disagree 2 Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 I would love to disagree but my personal experience tallies with this. You mustn't make a man feel that you are competing with him. You have to let him get to know you and to feel comfortable that you have similar pursuits and that perhaps sometimes you will be better at certain things than he is. One regular poster here sometimes says that men are not fragile creatures but I disagree Yup. Most men want to feel like they can add something to a womans life. How is he gonna do that if the woman is exceptionally strong and competent? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 Yup. Most men want to feel like they can add something to a womans life. How is he gonna do that if the woman is exceptionally strong and competent? The thing is, they can still add a lot because you can always achieve more things with a partner than on your own, especially financially. And they like strong and competent but not stronger and more competent than them. Link to post Share on other sites
Frank2thepoint Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 My friends and coworkers today know what I like to do, but because I'm really not terribly busy anymore, it doesn't come off that way. Co-workers talk. Sometimes people use mutual friends/acquaintances to get information about somebody. I've done it when trying to find out information about a woman that friends know or co-workers know. Depending on the information given out, it affects the interested person's interest. For example, a co-worker mentioned a friend of hers that she was thinking of hooking me up with, but realized her friend has recently ended a LTR, and now she is just dating several guys. So she figured I wouldn't be interested. She was right, because the woman already has several guys that are entertaining her. Maybe you can ask friends or co-workers if they know some guy that can share in your activities, such as snowboarding. Damn Phoe, too bad you are on the west coast, because I am looking for someone to go snowboarding with. You just have to sell yourself, but not oversell yourself. Throw out activities you want to share with a man, but don't advertise how you are doing a lot of different activities, because a man will think he can't share some of his hobbies. The dating gurus like Evan Mark katz suggest you very gently ease a man into seeing you as strong. Like pushing hundreds of pounds with one leg would be a no no in the beginning. Lol A woman that can move hundreds of pounds with one leg is useful for moving furniture. Yup. Most men want to feel like they can add something to a womans life. How is he gonna do that if the woman is exceptionally strong and competent? I concur, to a degree. There is nothing wrong with a woman being strong and competent, which many men do find very attractive because then she's not up his ass all the time. But in a relationship, both members want to feel like they are contributing and receiving. Both give and take. Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 A woman that can move hundreds of pounds with one leg is useful for moving furniture.[/Quote] Maybe so, but its not necessarily sexy. Some guys think its very unladylike. Imagine people teasing you that your gf is stronger than. Most guys want to be the strong one. Ive actually gone through this stuff over and over. I concur, to a degree. There is nothing wrong with a woman being strong and competent, which many men do find very attractive because then she's not up his ass all the time. But in a relationship, both members want to feel like they are contributing and receiving. Both give and take. Men want to be needed. Strong and competent could be fine, until she starts doing better than him. To be honest, I have noticee that not so strong ir competent get scooped up quickly. And that man is probably really macho or more relaxed. Also advice from the gurus, get a man who is very strong or is fine with the woman taking charge. Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 The thing is, they can still add a lot because you can always achieve more things with a partner than on your own, especially financially. And they like strong and competent but not stronger and more competent than them. Emilia gets it. Link to post Share on other sites
WomenWubber Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 "What inspires men to approach a woman?" Lingering eye contact and smile. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Broom Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 Yup. I notice in my circle that smart women tend to get married later. The average and not so bright girls get scooped up quickly. Kinda sad weve made such little progress. Omg so true. It's a contradictory thing because these men claim to want a strong, powerful woman that's independent. On the other hand, they are initimidated when faced with one. And it just reinforces that men ultimately don't value intelligence or strength at all in women. It's all down to beauty and femininity. You can't threaten their manhood, even if it is unintentional. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 Phoe, when I was your age, men did not flock to me. I had dates, but I wasn't one of those "walk across the room to get your number" girls. I was also pretty good at everything I set my mind to doing. And I always had two or three "big dreams with big projects" going. I was tall, blond, and weighed around 118 pounds. I should have been the belle of the ball. What I found out years later was that some of the guys who wanted to ask me out were a bit intimidated. But you know what? I'm glad I was never aware of that. I'm glad it never occurred to me to "downplay" myself or appear less competent than I really was. It's been two decades or so since that time, and I have to say I get noticed by age appropriate men a LOT. And I no longer weigh 118 lol. I think the only two things that really changed were that I like myself just fine and don't much care if someone else doesn't agree, and the men my age have grown up enough that a smart woman who is good at a lot of things and talks to everyone doesn't threaten their ego 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Robert Z Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 (edited) Beg to differ! Btdt. Woggle is probably more secure in his masculinity than most men... A guy might like a woman who is into masculine things but doesnt outshine him. I always get a kick out of women telling men what men want! All of the man bashing is quite telling as well. That only reinforces for me what many women seem to want. Edited February 5, 2015 by Robert Z Link to post Share on other sites
PaperCrane Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 I've come to notice this kind of...auto focus. As if my thoughts were connected to a camera almost. This doesn't happen often because I do not approach women a lot, however, when I do I notice this. I have a pretty specific type of girl that I like but not all girls that fall into that scope cause me to feel attraction. It's almost magnetic. There is no real rhyme or reason to it. It could be the way her hair falls on her shoulders or how she laughs or simply the way she sits. If I knew exactly what it was I'd look for it more often. I don't look so much for a woman, but more along the lines of how a woman creates a gut feeling in me when I see her. Hookups aren't my thing so I don't swing at every pitch. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 Of course men want to feel like they add something to a woman's life and women like to feel the same about men. Nobody likes to feel their partner has a take it or leave it attitude or that they are disposable. That isn't a gender specific trait. I see plenty of successful and strong women who have happy marriages and relationships. In fact they seem to be doing much better in the romance front than the opposite. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Phoe Posted February 5, 2015 Author Share Posted February 5, 2015 I'm not quite a tomboy, but I'm not girly. I'm in between. I'm still feminine, have many feminine traits, and never get mistaken for manly. Still, I am doing my best to focus on being more feminine and soft. I wore my hair down and curly the past 2 days, and wore blush and eyeliner. Today I'm wearing a light blue v neck sweater, dark skinny jeans, and cognac flats. I'm still struggling with the concept of dresses and skirts anytime but the summer... I have a dress that's of a thicker material, it's more of a fall time dress, and every bit of me is itching to donate it. Which is totally counterproductive when I'm trying to add MORE dresses... I am trying to find a balance with my "competence". I am neither dumb nor helpless, so to even attempt to downplay my intelligence and competence just feels degrading and embarassing. I smile and make eye contact and laugh and talk with people everywhere as it is, but I'm being very aware of myself as I do these things. I'm taking care to think of what kind of tone I might be projecting during my interactions. Talking a bit more slowly, quietly, softly, trying not to be overboard, while still being warm and engaged. Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted February 5, 2015 Share Posted February 5, 2015 I'm still struggling with the concept of dresses and skirts anytime but the summer... I have a dress that's of a thicker material, it's more of a fall time dress, and every bit of me is itching to donate it. Which is totally counterproductive when I'm trying to add MORE dresses... I am trying to find a balance with my "competence". I am neither dumb nor helpless, so to even attempt to downplay my intelligence and competence just feels degrading and embarassing. Yeah, I'm going against the formulaic 2015 grain here, but I think it's ridiculous for you to have to obsess over this. Really, you have to have a certain amount of dresses to be a "woman"? You can't be "too good" at anything because men need to be needed? The problem with having to be someone else to GET a guy is that you then have to keep being someone else. A man who cannot handle a woman in pants who might be better at him than something....is not really a man anyway in my book. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Phoe Posted February 5, 2015 Author Share Posted February 5, 2015 Yeah, I'm going against the formulaic 2015 grain here, but I think it's ridiculous for you to have to obsess over this. Really, you have to have a certain amount of dresses to be a "woman"? You can't be "too good" at anything because men need to be needed? The problem with having to be someone else to GET a guy is that you then have to keep being someone else. A man who cannot handle a woman in pants who might be better at him than something....is not really a man anyway in my book. I agree I don't exactly like it... but what am I to do anymore? I'd love it if I could just be who I am without a thought in the world about it, and naturally exude whatever magnetism it is that makes men interested. That would be incredible and I feel like the self-doubt I sometimes get and the anxiety I get over the confusion would just disappear, if I could figure this crap out! Because my inability to date is the one thing that does make me doubt, it's the one thing that does shake my confidence a bit. I believe in myself in any other aspect and am happy with who I am.... but I just have this ONE area where I just can't get it together. I figure if I find away to not go so against the grain with things, I'll finally get it together with that area. They say that Insanity is doing the same thing over and over but expecting different results.... 25 years of what I'm doing hasn't done me any good... time to try some different methods. I can either keep doing what I'm doing and wait and wait and wait for something good to come my way, or I can take the bull by the horns, switch it up, put thought and effort into this, and maybe get what I want! Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 I always get a kick out of women telling men what men want! All of the man bashing is quite telling as well. That only reinforces for me what many women seem to want. Like we are not supposed to notice how men behave... Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 Phoe, Is there anything youre not that good at? Try puttibg yourself in a position in which you need a mans assistance. Then come with the eye contact, flirting, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
Rejected Rosebud Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 I always get a kick out of women telling men what men want! Well you should tell Phoe what you like in a woman and what you don't like because that is what she is looking here on her thread isn't it? Phoe I think what makes men approach women is the sex appeal of the woman, if he feels that she has sex appeal and he's not too shy he will approach her whether she can move 947 pound equipment with the tip of her toe or not!! If he is the type to be threatened by that it would come up later! Link to post Share on other sites
contact1 Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 Phoe, Is there anything youre not that good at? Try puttibg yourself in a position in which you need a mans assistance. Then come with the eye contact, flirting, etc. Wow, pretending/staging to be weak to get a man's attention, feels like it's back in the 1950's 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Frank2thepoint Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 Phoe, Is there anything youre not that good at? Try puttibg yourself in a position in which you need a mans assistance. Then come with the eye contact, flirting, etc. Emphasis on the boldfaced. That's a compliment to Phoe. The only thing she isn't very good at, is getting hit on by a man. In order for her to overcome that, she would need a man to hit on her. It's a paradox. Divide by zero, and all that crazy sh*t. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Rejected Rosebud Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 Wow, pretending/staging to be weak to get a man's attention, feels like it's back in the 1950's I wonder if asking him to lay his jacket over a puddle so she can cross it without getting her feet wet would work! !! Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 Phoe don't listen to HP. She is like the female version of these bitter guys who tell men to be jerks to get women. Just be who you are and if you want a man to approach you show that you are open to being approached and socializing with men. Men approach when they don't feel as if they will be treated as the enemy. You might need to send more obvious signals that you want to be approached but don't be something you aren't. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 Phoe don't listen to HP. She is like the female version of these bitter guys who tell men to be jerks to get women. Just be who you are and if you want a man to approach you show that you are open to being approached and socializing with men. Men approach when they don't feel as if they will be treated as the enemy. You might need to send more obvious signals that you want to be approached but don't be something you aren't. Nope. My advice comes from people like Evan Mark Katz. I dont think hes a bitter woman. Evan Mark Katz has the success stories to back it up. Theres also The Feminine Woman and Kavita. Ive done a lot of research on this because ive had similar problems. Like for example, I have stats like a dude (5'6 145-165 and buff). Ive been told im intimidating (too smart, too pretty), had guys upset because I could outperform them. In other words, ive btdt. All the advice boils down to emphasizing ones femininity. Link to post Share on other sites
hotpotato Posted February 6, 2015 Share Posted February 6, 2015 Well you should tell Phoe what you like in a woman and what you don't like because that is what she is looking here on her thread isn't it? Phoe I think what makes men approach women is the sex appeal of the woman, if he feels that she has sex appeal and he's not too shy he will approach her whether she can move 947 pound equipment with the tip of her toe or not!! If he is the type to be threatened by that it would come up later! Which is why I said its better to go for men who are secure in their masculine identity or is laid back and cool with a strong woman. Link to post Share on other sites
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