What inspires men to approach a woman?

[hotpotato]

Wow, pretending/staging to be weak to get a man's attention, feels like it's back in the 1950's

 

Maybe so, but most women do this naturally. Phoe doesnt because shes so good at everything.

 

And also I said nothing about pretending. I said for her to find something shes genuinely not good at.

Edited February 6, 2015 by hotpotato

[Phoe]

Phoe,

Is there anything youre not that good at? Try puttibg yourself in a position in which you need a mans assistance. Then come with the eye contact, flirting, etc.

 

Ohhhh yes. There's plenty that I'm just garbage at, but I actively stay away from those things.

 

The things I do, and the things I enjoy, well, a good factor in that is that I'm good at those things. If I was lousy at something I probably would've said "forget it!"

 

I'm awful at golfing(actually spent years trying at it!) I was the worst student in my ceramics class, I'm garbage at skiing (hence why I snowboard instead!). And calculus frustrates me to tears.

[Phoe]

Just be who you are and if you want a man to approach you show that you are open to being approached and socializing with men. Men approach when they don't feel as if they will be treated as the enemy. You might need to send more obvious signals that you want to be approached but don't be something you aren't.

 

I just don't get how any guy could get the idea that I would treat them like the enemy.

 

I project openness (or at least I actively am thinking about it in my head). I make eye contact, I smile, I don't even wait for people to come up to me, I'll just talk to them first. I talk to people everywhere.

 

I could just be doing it wrong, but... I really don't get it.

 

I've always wondered about a dating coach or something. Someone who could watch me interact with others and give me unbiased feedback. Whether I'm coming off as some kind of weirdo or something.

[Frank2thepoint]

I've always wondered about a dating coach or something. Someone who could watch me interact with others and give me unbiased feedback. Whether I'm coming off as some kind of weirdo or something.

 

If you are really not getting attention from men for romantic pursuit, then getting unbiased feedback is the way to go. Hence why I recommended for you to ask people around you, which wouldn't require you to pay money to someone. I don't recommend friends, because those are not unbiased.

[Phoe]

If you are really not getting attention from men for romantic pursuit, then getting unbiased feedback is the way to go. Hence why I recommended for you to ask people around you, which wouldn't require you to pay money to someone. I don't recommend friends, because those are not unbiased.

 

Indeed, my friends would never give me unbiased feedback. The best I can imagine being told is "wear a pushup bra".

 

Asking strangers seems as though I'm overstepping a boundary.

 

If a woman who you were NOT interested in came up to you and said "Why are you not approaching me? Why are you not interested? Can you tell me what I'm doing wrong so I can improve?" - wouldn't you feel a bit creeped out? And if anything, I doubt many people would give an honest answer, even still. Who wants to piss off a stranger? haha!

 

I figure my best bet is to specifically hire someone.

Edited February 6, 2015 by Phoe
missed words...

[hotpotato]

Ohhhh yes. There's plenty that I'm just garbage at, but I actively stay away from those things.

 

The things I do, and the things I enjoy, well, a good factor in that is that I'm good at those things. If I was lousy at something I probably would've said "forget it!"

 

I'm awful at golfing(actually spent years trying at it!) I was the worst student in my ceramics class, I'm garbage at skiing (hence why I snowboard instead!). And calculus frustrates me to tears.

 

Well, maybe its time for a skiing or golf class.

 

The downside of hiring a pro coach is the cost $$$

[Woggle]

I just don't get how any guy could get the idea that I would treat them like the enemy.

 

I project openness (or at least I actively am thinking about it in my head). I make eye contact, I smile, I don't even wait for people to come up to me, I'll just talk to them first. I talk to people everywhere.

 

I could just be doing it wrong, but... I really don't get it.

 

I've always wondered about a dating coach or something. Someone who could watch me interact with others and give me unbiased feedback. Whether I'm coming off as some kind of weirdo or something.

 

It has nothing to do with you we live in an era where some people genuinely think a man even saying hello to a woman is harassment. I read some of the comments on that cat calling video and a good number of people seriously believe that. In this kind of atmosphere of course many men don't want to approach women.

[mario_C]

I just don't get how any guy could get the idea that I would treat them like the enemy.

 

I'm afraid it's true...men get nervous approaching women. Men are intimidated by women and the act of approaching is frightening.

 

I've always wondered about a dating coach or something. Someone who could watch me interact with others and give me unbiased feedback. Whether I'm coming off as some kind of weirdo or something.

Try it! Come back with recommendations?

[hotpotato]

It has nothing to do with you we live in an era where some people genuinely think a man even saying hello to a woman is harassment. I read some of the comments on that cat calling video and a good number of people seriously believe that. In this kind of atmosphere of course many men don't want to approach women.

 

Ive never met a woman who thought like that. And what kind of repurcussions would that have? "Police come get this guy he said hello to me!"

ive seen dudes give out no-business business cards and say hello to women and not get arrested. Heck, dudes have tried to holla across the store and still not be reported to tye authorities.

Edited February 7, 2015 by hotpotato

[thefooloftheyear]

Ive never met a woman who thought like that. And what kind of repurcussions would that have? "Police come get this guy he said hello to me!"

ive seen dudes give out no-business business cards and say hello to women and not get arrested. Heck, dudes have tried to holla across the store and still not be reported to tye authorities.

 

Maybe...

 

But the thought of it goes through just about every every decent guys head...There are many women who walk around thinking that any attention from a man is going to end up with them stuffed in the trunk of a car left at the long term airport lot...Im serious..I knoiw it sounds crazy, but thats how it is...

 

I dont think it was always like this, btw...It was definitely way different in the 70's amd 80's....Women were more approachable then and didnt have this apprehension and this constant feeling that they are being creeped on..I also think this is more of a problem for younger people...As people age they often dont have the same hangups they did when they were younger..Experience gives them more ability to weed out, then assume everyone has bad intentions..

 

Ive never approached women...Ill wait for them to make the first move..then take it from there..Always worked well for me..And I know I am not alone...There are a lot of guys who are the same....The good news is that many women have gotten the hint and realized this and there isnt the stigma that there once was about women making the first move or being assertive...This is why I give advice to women that if you really like a guy, dont just suspect he is disinterested if he isnt coming on strong...Go after him!!

 

TFY

[hotpotato]

Im thinking this must be a younger white man problem.

Elderly white men dont care. Other, ahem, cultures cold approach quite regularly without all the fear. They understand that if you approach a woman she may have a negative reaction. Solution? Move on to the next. But hey, I guess this is for another thread!

 

Sometimes men do get creepy, like that guy who was following her for 5 minutes.

[hotpotato]

Maybe...

 

But the thought of it goes through just about every every decent guys head...There are many women who walk around thinking that any attention from a man is going to end up with them stuffed in the trunk of a car left at the long term airport lot...Im serious..I knoiw it sounds crazy, but thats how it is...

 

I dont think it was always like this, btw...It was definitely way different in the 70's amd 80's....Women were more approachable then and didnt have this apprehension and this constant feeling that they are being creeped on..I also think this is more of a problem for younger people...As people age they often dont have the same hangups they did when they were younger..Experience gives them more ability to weed out, then assume everyone has bad intentions..

 

Ive never approached women...Ill wait for them to make the first move..then take it from there..Always worked well for me..And I know I am not alone...There are a lot of guys who are the same....The good news is that many women have gotten the hint and realized this and there isnt the stigma that there once was about women making the first move or being assertive...This is why I give advice to women that if you really like a guy, dont just suspect he is disinterested if he isnt coming on strong...Go after him!!

 

TFY

 

No, not maybe. I was there.

 

Lets see, I got called nikki minaj. Nothing happened to the guy. Been called ayyy mami, nothing happened. Just keep it movin.

[Woggle]

Ive never met a woman who thought like that. And what kind of repurcussions would that have? "Police come get this guy he said hello to me!"

ive seen dudes give out no-business business cards and say hello to women and not get arrested. Heck, dudes have tried to holla across the store and still not be reported to tye authorities.

 

Look up the catcalling video from last summer and look at the comments. There are people who genuinely think that saying hello to a woman in public is harassment. I don't believe all or even most women feel that way but enough do that it makes it not worth it for a man to walk through that minefield.

[Revolver]

A lot of women go out of their way to publically embarrass men who approach them.

[thefooloftheyear]

No, not maybe. I was there.

 

Lets see, I got called nikki minaj. Nothing happened to the guy. Been called ayyy mami, nothing happened. Just keep it movin.

 

So, you are surrounded by a bunch of jackasses....So what does that prove?...?..

 

And yes, at the risk of being called a racist, its true, many black, hispanic(especailly hispanic) and other ethnic groups see no issue with glaring or making inappropriate remarks to women...whereas its not as common in my experience, with white guys..

 

Some guys dont do it...Period..Ive NEVER done it and I am a lot older than you..

 

TFY

[The Mighty Quinn]

@ Woggle - That catcalling video was not just about guys saying "hi" to women in public.

[Sarabi]

So, you are surrounded by a bunch of jackasses....So what does that prove?...?..

 

And yes, at the risk of being called a racist, its true, many black, hispanic(especailly hispanic) and other ethnic groups see no issue with glaring or making inappropriate remarks to women...whereas its not as common in my experience, with white guys..

 

Some guys dont do it...Period..Ive NEVER done it and I am a lot older than you..

 

TFY

 

I don't think you are racist. Not sure about hispanics. I have heard that black guys do that, especially towards black women. I also heard they would smarten up their act a bit in certain occasions when approaching white women. I don't know though, its probably not always true.

I have never personally had an inappropriate/ghetto approach from a white guy.

[Phoe]

That makes me a bit sad that some men think it's too much of a minefield to risk approaching a woman.

 

That's a whole different ballpark than just plain shy.

 

I have no qualms with making the first move and approaching those men, but I still get rejected every time. I figure I just have to keep trying and eventually someone will accept. Just gotta play the numbers.

[Imported]

That makes me a bit sad that some men think it's too much of a minefield to risk approaching a woman.

 

That's a whole different ballpark than just plain shy.

 

I have no qualms with making the first move and approaching those men, but I still get rejected every time. I figure I just have to keep trying and eventually someone will accept. Just gotta play the numbers.

 

I don't see how any guy thinks it's a minefield to approach a girl (even without her giving cues to do so) unless their idea of "approach" is a lot more aggressive and rudimentary than mine. Or it's at work, which warrants a lot more consideration, but doable.

 

All I ever do is start a normal conversation with a girl, even when I think she gave me pretty clear signals that she wants to see my penis. I just talk with her, like a person.

[Phoe]

even when I think she gave me pretty clear signals that she wants to see my penis.

 

this is awesome, haha!

[Frank2thepoint]

Asking strangers seems as though I'm overstepping a boundary.

 

If a woman who you were NOT interested in came up to you and said "Why are you not approaching me? Why are you not interested? Can you tell me what I'm doing wrong so I can improve?" - wouldn't you feel a bit creeped out? And if anything, I doubt many people would give an honest answer, even still. Who wants to piss off a stranger? haha!

 

I figure my best bet is to specifically hire someone.

 

Honestly, I would be a bit taken aback by the questioning, but that wouldn't stop me from giving my opinion. I'd explain to her why in the moment I didn't approach. But if something like that actually happened, I probably end up making a new friend. Also, you don't have to worry about pissing off a stranger, because whether you do or don't piss the person off, you'll never see or hear from them after that encounter.

 

 

It has nothing to do with you we live in an era where some people genuinely think a man even saying hello to a woman is harassment. I read some of the comments on that cat calling video and a good number of people seriously believe that. In this kind of atmosphere of course many men don't want to approach women.

 

Ive never met a woman who thought like that. And what kind of repurcussions would that have? "Police come get this guy he said hello to me!"

ive seen dudes give out no-business business cards and say hello to women and not get arrested. Heck, dudes have tried to holla across the store and still not be reported to tye authorities.

 

Look up the catcalling video from last summer and look at the comments. There are people who genuinely think that saying hello to a woman in public is harassment. I don't believe all or even most women feel that way but enough do that it makes it not worth it for a man to walk through that minefield.

 

That makes me a bit sad that some men think it's too much of a minefield to risk approaching a woman.

 

That's a whole different ballpark than just plain shy.

 

It's one of arguments that is leading to what is called the "Sexodus" among younger men. Saying "Hello" for a lot of girls is consider harassment. Even in the video mentioned where a woman walks around NYC for 10 hours, there are a few men just say "Hello" or "Hey" or something non-threatening. Granted, probably most women would not yell harassment if approached respectfully, but enough women have scolded men that has caused a pause in men, and thinking twice about approaching. It actually happened to me once, maybe twice, but definitely once. I laughed off the encounter, but since then I try to pay attention more to a woman's body language much more to gauge if she is approachable.

[endlessabyss]

Men, what makes or breaks a decision to approach a woman?

 

 

Dat ass.

 

 

(10 characters)

[endlessabyss]

A lot of women go out of their way to publically embarrass men who approach them.

 

 

True, but you just got to role with the punches.

 

 

The ones who try to publically embarrass you are the ones who secretly like you.

[Woggle]

That makes me a bit sad that some men think it's too much of a minefield to risk approaching a woman.

 

That's a whole different ballpark than just plain shy.

 

I have no qualms with making the first move and approaching those men, but I still get rejected every time. I figure I just have to keep trying and eventually someone will accept. Just gotta play the numbers.

 

It is sad but that is the climate we live in today. It's just not worth it for some guys.

[thefooloftheyear]

It is sad but that is the climate we live in today. It's just not worth it for some guys.

 

 

Ill go one step further even...

 

Some women immediately think there is something wrong with a guy that isnt in a relationship, yet somehow doesnt seem interested in women...."he must be queer"....etc..There is this assumption that every guy is on the make at all times..

 

Just not true..

 

 

There are lots of guys that have periods in their lives where they are content to not be in a relationship..They may be cynical or jaded from past failures. dont want the responsibility and committment....or whatever,...Doesnt make them odd or anything else..

 

So, naturally, those guys might not want to just use a woman for sex, so they will avoid it altogether..They wont approach and dont respond to flirting from a woman..Doesnt mean they arent interested, maybe just the timing isnt right..

 

TFY