What inspires men to approach a woman?

[Gloria25]

In my experience, the women I was around who drew the most men were either very social or very approachable looking, i.e., smiley and making eye contact. Now, the girl I was around who it seemed like every guy asked me about (worked in my office) was actually a call girl as it turned out, so she would go to dinner with anyone. In fact, she told me if someone didn't take her to dinner, she didn't eat. So she was welcoming many of these guys and putting it out there as bait but had monetary motives. Then the very social one was also good looking, big boobs, blond. But she would go up and talk to literally anybody and flit about meeting people. She just really likes socializing with people. Another girl who was petite but not particularly good looking, bad teeth, frizzy hair, also got quite a bit of male attention even though she was married because she was very smiley and made positivity her religion. Since she rarely said no to anything, I guess guys thought that would be a yes for them as well. They weren't far wrong. Whatever they yammered about, she'd act like it was the greatest thing in the world.

 

So just something to think about. There's more than one way to attract men.

 

That's why I tone down the sexy at work. I don't want any attention.

 

In the military, when I was a pencil pusher, I'd wear long nails, my signature glasses, and lipstick....but baggy uniform (well pressed with shiny boots). Lol. I, on purpose, wore the military issued glasses with this dark-brown lipstick and long pink nails. I grew up reading Vogue and Glamour and wanted my "unique" stlyle...lol

 

But, when they sent me to an all-male unit...that stopped. I even didn't bathe some times. After PT, I'd put my hair in a bun and put on my uniform and spent the day smelly/sweaty and never did my nails, hair, make-up. There were barely any females in the unit and the guys were all about seeing who they could bang. One ugly married chick fell for it. She'd show up for aquatic PT in a bikini, while I wore a swimsuit and BDU top on top of it.

 

They tried...one guy used to hug me and put his arm around me when talking to me. They were good lookin' fit guys two...only like two that were un-fable. But when I saw them talking about women and the married chick like meat, I was like "no thanks".

[Phoe]

Read Glamour magazine...

 

BTW, I love when I wear dresses/skits...I like feeling girly - even though I don't wear them all the time.

 

You can wear sweater-dresses in the winter - especially if they hug your body. Top them off with some tights and boots and you're set.

 

I had a purple sweater dress once. It hugged my curves, had a belt on it.... I tried it on with tights and boots....

 

But I never wore it. I'd try it on, then take it off. It looked nice, it was a nice dress..... but the style didn't feel like me. I ended up donating the dress.

 

Alternately, I have a different style that I like to wear to mimic the sweater dress with tights look, but in my own style.

 

I'll wear a black tunic length sweater that's slightly looser, with tight white jeans and boots.

 

It mimics the look, while still feeling more "me".

[Gloria25]

Be

I had a purple sweater dress once. It hugged my curves, had a belt on it.... I tried it on with tights and boots....

 

But I never wore it. I'd try it on, then take it off. It looked nice, it was a nice dress..... but the style didn't feel like me. I ended up donating the dress.

 

Alternately, I have a different style that I like to wear to mimic the sweater dress with tights look, but in my own style.

 

I'll wear a black tunic length sweater that's slightly looser, with tight white jeans and boots.

 

It mimics the look, while still feeling more "me".

 

Well, maybe there's a guy out there that'll be cool with "you" as you feel comfy...

 

But while trust me, it took me years to develop style. Mum never taught us. I remember one time as kids her sister came to visit and hung a "thong" to dry in the bathroom and my mom was laughing at the thong...ok? My aunt still dresses sexier/sassier than my mum.

 

While I don't doll up on the regular, I've grown to love being femenine and IMO, that's what attracts men. Unfortunately, until you snag a guy, you gotta sorta "display" something. I mean, if a woman is dressed laid back and a guy sees that, he already probably thinks you

are like that all the time and who wants that?

 

There was a thread about Asian women and the issue about American women lacking femenimity was raised. I see so many chicks in sweats, no make up and I feel so sorry for guys who have gotten used to that. My brother's wife, I watch her....while I laugh at how much time her and her daughter spend in the mirror when going out, they always look pretty and femenine (they are Hispanic like me too). Now, even at home w/o make up, ther toes are manicured and she isn't wearing baggy, smelly, stained and/or sloppy homeclothes. She is still sexy and cute, even with cute flip-flops.

 

I'm very fluid..while I can dress frumpy, I got the sexy clothes and enjoy being femenine -especially with the guy I'm with...but like you, since I don't flaunt it much, maybe I'm missing out on guys who have no clue how sexy I can get for them .

[Phoe]

Be

 

Well, maybe there's a guy out there that'll be cool with "you" as you feel comfy...

 

But while trust me, it took me years to develop style. Mum never taught us. I remember one time as kids her sister came to visit and hung a "thong" to dry in the bathroom and my mom was laughing at the thong...ok? My aunt still dresses sexier/sassier than my mum.

 

While I don't doll up on the regular, I've grown to love being femenine and IMO, that's what attracts men. Unfortunately, until you snag a guy, you gotta sorta "display" something. I mean, if a woman is dressed laid back and a guy sees that, he already probably thinks you

are like that all the time and who wants that?

 

There was a thread about Asian women and the issue about American women lacking femenimity was raised. I see so many chicks in sweats, no make up and I feel so sorry for guys who have gotten used to that. My brother's wife, I watch her....while I laugh at how much time her and her daughter spend in the mirror when going out, they always look pretty and femenine (they are Hispanic like me too). Now, even at home w/o make up, ther toes are manicured and she isn't wearing baggy, smelly, stained and/or sloppy homeclothes. She is still sexy and cute, even with cute flip-flops.

 

I'm very fluid..while I can dress frumpy, I got the sexy clothes and enjoy being femenine -especially with the guy I'm with...but like you, since I don't flaunt it much, maybe I'm missing out on guys who have no clue how sexy I can get for them .

 

 

I don't dress sloppy!

 

I'm not out wearing sweats, no makeup, and hair disheveled. I wear nice clothes, do a light natural makeup look, and keep my hair simply down or in a ponytail.

 

I have photos in my album, you'll see I'm not looking sloppy or disheveled (well, the one picture with mud is sloppy but... hey it was fun!)

 

I posted a link earlier up, my clothes and style are VERY similar to the girl from un-fancy.com

 

I dress nicely, just not "girly". I'm not in dresses or skirts regularly.

 

But I'm still put together. Nice pants or nice jeans, nice tops or sweaters, nice jackets, nice flats or boots. It's still showing femininity, just not extra girly.

 

That's my sense of style. I have a very defined sense of style, it suits my personality and it suits my needs. It feels very me.

 

I have 4 dresses. One grey winter dress, a grey maxi dress for summer, an orange sundress for summer, and a gold sparkly cocktail dress for those special occasion nights like a Vegas trip. They don't get ALOT of wear, but they get pulled out from time to time.

 

I wore dresses very frequently in college. Several times a week. College was the worst time of my life for dating. I was single for 6 years! So wearing dresses regularly definitely is not the guaranteed ticket.

[Gloria25]

Ok, I just checked out your album here...

 

We already know you have a beautiful face...lol. I remember your previous avatar. And, your body pic already confirms what we know about you having a great/athletic body

 

The only thing I wonder if you do that same type of smiling on the regular. Don't be offended, but the smile seems like you are upset or questioning something. I really liked your smile in the mud pic and love the lighter hair color on you.

 

About that un-fancy website? Oh no, no thanks. Again, I recommend you check out Glamour.

 

IMO, "girly" and "femenine" is gonna pull the guys in...

 

PS, I'm not saying a dress is gonna make you pull guys in...just like how we compared notes on the sweater dresses, depend on the dress, how it looks on you...etc.

[newmoon]

I had a purple sweater dress once. It hugged my curves, had a belt on it.... I tried it on with tights and boots....

 

But I never wore it. I'd try it on, then take it off. It looked nice, it was a nice dress..... but the style didn't feel like me. I ended up donating the dress.

 

Alternately, I have a different style that I like to wear to mimic the sweater dress with tights look, but in my own style.

 

I'll wear a black tunic length sweater that's slightly looser, with tight white jeans and boots.

 

It mimics the look, while still feeling more "me".

 

don't think that women in dresses get all the guys. i literally own 2 pairs of pants, the other 100+ items are skirts and dresses. dresses do seem to attract more attention (looks), but that doesn't equate to more approaches and/or dates

[Phoe]

Ok, I just checked out your album here...

 

We already know you have a beautiful face...lol. I remember your previous avatar. And, your body pic already confirms what we know about you having a great/athletic body

 

The only thing I wonder if you do that same type of smiling on the regular. Don't be offended, but the smile seems like you are upset or questioning something. I really liked your smile in the mud pic and love the lighter hair color on you.

 

About that un-fancy website? Oh no, no thanks. Again, I recommend you check out Glamour.

 

IMO, "girly" and "femenine" is gonna pull the guys in...

 

PS, I'm not saying a dress is gonna make you pull guys in...just like how we compared notes on the sweater dresses, depend on the dress, how it looks on you...etc.

 

Haha, ehh, yeah my smiles in those photos aren't the best.

 

I'm not very photogenic in photos and tend to look goofy when I smile, so I just tend to do a closed lip smile in photos. I remember when I was getting my senior portraits done the photographer made me laugh in one of the photos, so it was a genuine smile. It looked so goofy and I hated though photo, but my mother LOVED it. She said "that's you. That's who you are. That's the real you". IRL my smile is genuine and my laughter is never held back, but I feel it definitely comes across more naturally IRL than in a photo.

 

When you say "no thanks" to the website, do you mean no thanks as in to that style or no thanks as in you're not interested in looking at it?

 

I used to read glamour and vogue and Marie Claire like crazy in high school thinking it might help me. I stopped a few years ago. It all said the same things over and over, just with different wording, and it was either stuff I already knew, or stuff that was too outlandish to take seriously.

 

Like I said, I wore dresses a lot in college and was quite a bit more girly then, and I was single for 6 years during that time and quite frankly felt utterly ignored by men.

 

I can't make any guarantees, but I'd say that the girly look with lots of dresses just didn't work for me and didn't suit me.

 

I tend to try out different things and go through different phases to see what works and what doesn't, and what I've come to learn is that not one bit of it mattered. No matter how I dressed, no matter how dressed up or dressed down I was, no matter what my hair or makeup looked like, men still just pass me by. So if that's gonna happen regardless, may as well wear clothes that I like!

[hopefullove]

I think it depends a lot of the kind of guy too.

 

I live in a big city. I get, okay scratch that, haha I used to get a lot of cat calls from guys on the street. Some cultures are more forward than others, I want to say. I don't really like unwanted attention from people I am not interested from, so I tend to not look right at people. But when I was single, I would look around because I like to people watch. I have had a guy make eye contact with me, walk down the street, turn back and look at me and I was still looking at him and smiling cus he was like a hot Adam Levine looking guy, and then he backtracked and came to talk to me and ask me out for drinks. I've been on an escalator and the guy in front of me looked behind and looked at me and I smiled, and he then asked me out for coffee. Guys have just walked up to me at the mall to ask me out. On the street that has happened, like b-lined, I never saw them coming and then there's some dude talking to me. Clubs, it was super easy to get hit on when I was younger, but then again, I'd like to think when i was getting hit on often, I was pretty, fit, dressed feminine and contemporary, and looked like a normal, pretty, nice girl, I have dimples when I smile, so I look really sweet and cute and inviting. I need to lose my Christmas weight now, nobody talks to me. hahahaha

[regine_phalange]

I dont know. I usually get approached by much much older men (60+). The other day at the dentist's this old man said that he would marry me if he was 30 years younger But approached by younger men? No. As if I dont exist most of the times. I DO have some weird days though. There was one specific day some weeks ago where most young men I encountered on the street or at the train would literally stare into my eyes. One almost tripped in a hole at the pavement. At some point I thought that maybe I have something funny on my face, but I checked on my small mirror and nothing was wrong. I didnt even wear makeup that day. And wore just a cardigan with jeans. I have no idea what magnetised them. And it certainly wasnt my mood, I was feeling kind of annoyed at my computer that broke down that day. I really dont know, and I dont think theres a logical explanation.

[LookAtThisPOst]

He wasn't doing anything strange or unpleasant, but she clearly wanted nothing to do with it. She was being polite but short with her responses. He just kept right on talking and asking her questions.

 

WOW...this is the very SAME exact scenario a few years back around the Christmas Holidays and it was a slow day at the coffee shop at a bookstore. Same thing happen, she ordered up...I already made my order...so we were both waiting.

 

I attempted to talk about the flavor of coffee she ordered as I've never dried it, but her face was vacant, was just starring at the menu board (even though she already ordered) and gave a brief look at me and back at the bored, trying to avert her eyes.

 

Women aren't really open to being approached anymore in public as they are used to until they are "ready" for it (Via a scheduled organized Meetup event or some social activity) otherwise, these types are more "shut-ins" and rather reclusive in nature. I live in a smaller community, where people aren't open to being chatted up by anyone OTHER than the people they grew up with.

[Emilia]

I think people underestimate how young you are Phoe. I think it would pay to find a good hairdresser for some advice on youthful, sassy haircut, your current one puts about 10 years on you. I'd say that's one reason for not getting approached, guys your age don't realise your actual age.

[Erised]

I don't dress sloppy!

 

I'm not out wearing sweats, no makeup, and hair disheveled..

 

Heh. See, and I do.

 

I think people may be overstating the importance of fashion. I've always gotten the impression women notice that more on other women than men.

I almost never wear any makeup. I just attract guys who don't like it. There's so many different preferences floating around.

 

Now, I do live in a large metropolitan area. That might be part of it.

[radiodarcy]

This a question I have asked myself as well. I hear all about other women who get approached. I consider it a windfall if I get approached by a guy twice in the past six months!

 

I have to agree with other posters that there really is no rhyme or reason to it - - different guys have different preferences.

 

I will say that the few times I have gotten hit on it's usually when I'm dressed down (which is 99.9% of the time anyway ). But there have been times when I've been dressed up and nothing. But that's probably because I don't feel comfortable wearing all that stuff anyway.

 

I too need to get my butt in gear and put myself out there. But it's not easy. I'm a terrible flirt. I mumble awkward things that make no sense; give a weird little guffaw and then scurry off...

[Phoe]

I think people underestimate how young you are Phoe. I think it would pay to find a good hairdresser for some advice on youthful, sassy haircut, your current one puts about 10 years on you. I'd say that's one reason for not getting approached, guys your age don't realise your actual age.

 

Are you saying I look like I'm in my late 30's? That's surprising. I never would've thought that I look that old...

 

I keep my hair cut in simple long layers simply because that's what works best for my hairtype. I have very fine and very straight hair. If it's shorter than shoulder length, it just looks so very limp. People always say that fine haired folks should have shorter hair to give it volume. No. Not always the case. For me, if it's short, it simply looks even more lifeless and like I don't have much hair. Plus, I have strong bone structure and short hair highlights that far too much and lends a masculine look.

 

Keeping it a bit longer and sleek is what works best for my hair type and bone structure.

 

Every hairdresser I've ever gone to has royally screwed up my hair, I don't trust them anymore.

[Phoe]

Heh. See, and I do.

 

I think people may be overstating the importance of fashion. I've always gotten the impression women notice that more on other women than men.

I almost never wear any makeup. I just attract guys who don't like it. There's so many different preferences floating around.

 

Now, I do live in a large metropolitan area. That might be part of it.

 

I feel like there might be a slight overstating of the importance of fashion.

 

Definitely I feel that it is a good thing for me to dress decently. That's a positive thing and I aim to do so everyday.

 

And sure, different styles can indicate a different lifestyle that attracts different types of men. I don't expect to attract men who are into a more hip/hop urban street style, or a hippie/boho style, ya know?

 

But all those things aside, I don't think the deciding factor that will change everything is for me to put on a skirt instead of pants.

[Phoe]

I think it depends a lot of the kind of guy too.

 

I live in a big city. I get, okay scratch that, haha I used to get a lot of cat calls from guys on the street. Some cultures are more forward than others, I want to say. I don't really like unwanted attention from people I am not interested from, so I tend to not look right at people. But when I was single, I would look around because I like to people watch. I have had a guy make eye contact with me, walk down the street, turn back and look at me and I was still looking at him and smiling cus he was like a hot Adam Levine looking guy, and then he backtracked and came to talk to me and ask me out for drinks. I've been on an escalator and the guy in front of me looked behind and looked at me and I smiled, and he then asked me out for coffee. Guys have just walked up to me at the mall to ask me out. On the street that has happened, like b-lined, I never saw them coming and then there's some dude talking to me. Clubs, it was super easy to get hit on when I was younger, but then again, I'd like to think when i was getting hit on often, I was pretty, fit, dressed feminine and contemporary, and looked like a normal, pretty, nice girl, I have dimples when I smile, so I look really sweet and cute and inviting. I need to lose my Christmas weight now, nobody talks to me. hahahaha

 

I dont know. I usually get approached by much much older men (60+). The other day at the dentist's this old man said that he would marry me if he was 30 years younger But approached by younger men? No. As if I dont exist most of the times. I DO have some weird days though. There was one specific day some weeks ago where most young men I encountered on the street or at the train would literally stare into my eyes. One almost tripped in a hole at the pavement. At some point I thought that maybe I have something funny on my face, but I checked on my small mirror and nothing was wrong. I didnt even wear makeup that day. And wore just a cardigan with jeans. I have no idea what magnetised them. And it certainly wasnt my mood, I was feeling kind of annoyed at my computer that broke down that day. I really dont know, and I dont think theres a logical explanation.

 

 

See, different levels of interest from month to month can make sense...

 

But I have NEVER been approached by a stranger. Never in my life has a strange man on the street asked me out or asked for my number.

 

Other than my ex on OLD, every single man who has ever asked me out or asked for my number was someone I already knew and already was acquainted with for a good amount of time (months to years).

 

Not ONE time, has a strange man come up to me and talked to me with any sort of romantic or dating intentions. Never.

[Diezel]

Go sit at a bar by yourself, without pulling a phone or an electronic device.

 

Then report your findings.

[preraph]

That's why I tone down the sexy at work. I don't want any attention.

 

In the military, when I was a pencil pusher, I'd wear long nails, my signature glasses, and lipstick....but baggy uniform (well pressed with shiny boots). Lol. I, on purpose, wore the military issued glasses with this dark-brown lipstick and long pink nails. I grew up reading Vogue and Glamour and wanted my "unique" stlyle...lol

 

But, when they sent me to an all-male unit...that stopped. I even didn't bathe some times. After PT, I'd put my hair in a bun and put on my uniform and spent the day smelly/sweaty and never did my nails, hair, make-up. There were barely any females in the unit and the guys were all about seeing who they could bang. One ugly married chick fell for it. She'd show up for aquatic PT in a bikini, while I wore a swimsuit and BDU top on top of it.

 

They tried...one guy used to hug me and put his arm around me when talking to me. They were good lookin' fit guys two...only like two that were un-fable. But when I saw them talking about women and the married chick like meat, I was like "no thanks".

 

A wise decision. In a situation like that, you really want to peel it back. And it's probably easier on the guys too, who don't need that distraction.

[Gaeta]

Phoe: Being approached in public is over-rated.

 

The few times I was approached they were far from being interested in 'getting to know me'. It's the same BS out there than online. Actually I trust more being online than being approached live. At least online they know a several details about me. In public their approach is only motivated by my look and that makes me suspicious of anyone approaching me.

[Phoe]

Go sit at a bar by yourself, without pulling a phone or an electronic device.

 

Then report your findings.

 

I'm not really the bar type. I rarely go to bars anymore.

 

I made a post back in December about a recent experience in a bar though...

 

I went to a bar in December and made an active attempt at "being approachable". I made eye contact, held eye contact and smiled at several men, and did it 2 or 3 times for each man, so that he wouldn't think it was a fluke. No luck

 

I even said hi to one guy right as I walked in the door, he walked away.

 

When I was in college I went to bars by myself a handful of times.

 

I'd sit there, have a drink, maybe a snack, watch a game, then go home.

 

Nothing ever happened.

 

Only once did something "happen", and it was simply a very drunk and belligerent woman confusing me for someone else and trying to fight me, so I left.

 

All in all though, I go everywhere by myself.

 

I don't go places with other people in tow. I'm very comfortable and happy going places and doing things by myself.

 

ETA: I never am on my phone. It sits in my purse all day, or even gets left at home often. It's only use is telling me the time or just in case of an emergency. I text maybe 2-3 times a week and make a call maybe once a month.

 

I am totally electronically detached. I don't ever have items with me that can distract me. When I am in public, I am present and aware.

[Phoe]

When the weather warms up, I do have plans to include a few more dresses in my wardrobe. Not alot, because it's really not my style, but I will try a few more.

 

I don't know if I should change my makeup routine and wear more makeup. Most men who know me always say "But you don't need makeup!", so I'm tempted to guess that more makeup won't do me any good.

 

I'm hesitant to change my hair. All my male friends say "Never cut your hair. Never cut your hair. NEVER CUT YOUR HAIR!" 99% of the men I know and have ever known, believe that a woman's attractiveness level is directly related to the length of her hair. The shorter her hair gets, the less atractive she gets.

 

Now, my hair makes me happy. This is the best it's ever looked. Every other cut/color/style was less flattering. The overwhelming response I get from others is that long, straight, and dark is what looks best on me.

 

I'd be very wary of cutting my hair... having it shorter automatically puts me in the less attractive category for men that find long hair attractive, and if the cut and style is rather unflattering, I'm going to feel quite bad about it and will be unhappy.

 

It's so risky, cutting my hair.... I don't know if it would be worth it. It may just make things worse.

[Diezel]

Man, you really need to move away from wherever you are then.

[Diezel]

I'm hesitant to change my hair. All my male friends say "Never cut your hair. Never cut your hair. NEVER CUT YOUR HAIR!" 99% of the men I know and have ever known, believe that a woman's attractiveness level is directly related to the length of her hair. The shorter her hair gets, the less atractive she gets.

 

Agreed.

 

I've had this conversation numerous times with women. Anything shorter than shoulder length and Diezel gets

[Phoe]

Man, you really need to move away from wherever you are then.

 

I am trying

 

I don't know where to move though.

 

I lived in Santa Barbara for college, and that was when I went to bars alone. I was single for 6 years when I lived there.

 

I live in a small rural town now, and it's not very populated, but this is the only place where I've managed to get a boyfriend.

 

It seems so backwards, based on population... but I haven't a clue what to do.

[Phoe]

Agreed.

 

I've had this conversation numerous times with women. Anything shorter than shoulder length and Diezel gets

 

Yeah...

 

sure, maybe my hair makes me look 10 years older than I am, but I'd rather be happy with my hair and have hair that is generally attractive and look like I'm 10 years older, rather than have a haircut that makes me look my age, but that is not flattering for me and is not considered an attractive length to many men. I just see myself being unhappy with that.