PegNosePete Posted November 17, 2014 Share Posted November 17, 2014 She closed some of our joint accounts and has taken more than 50% Of course she did. Why weren't the joint accounts frozen? She also wants to deal with everything through solicitors, I think this is silly and very expensive. Yes take advice, use them fir the finalization and any matters which we don't agree on but everything else we could sort out ourselves. Yes you're right. When I was getting divorced my ex had a car that was still registered in my name, the tax was expiring so I told her that if she sent me the £25 I would renew it for her. But she told me to go through her solicitor. Paying that £25 tax must have cost her £300 or more in fees. Some people are simply immune to logic and common sense. There's not much you can do about that. You can't control her actions, only deal with them as you see fit. she refused to give me the address saying she was worried I would harass her mum and dad Who cares. You have her solicitor's address. If she doesn't wan to communicate directly then simply write to them. It's her who has to pay the fees, not you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Richiebuoy Posted November 17, 2014 Author Share Posted November 17, 2014 "Of course she did. Why weren't the joint accounts frozen?" I dunno, it all happened within a day or 2, obviously my wife had been planning her departure but I wasn't in on the plan so having just been hit by an emotional sledgehammer it wasn't the first thing on my mind to run to the banks... I don't know what the banks protocols are in these situations but I have since spoken to the manager and he was aware of what she did and that he knew we were separating and I had signed a consent form......now for the life of me I don't remember signing any consent form and I certainly would not have signed for her to have more than me..... I've asked to see the consent form and even though it was only a few weeks ago, guess what, they cant find it...... I don't want to get my wife into trouble here but I'm really annoyed with the bank and don't know whether to make a formal complaint or not. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted November 17, 2014 Share Posted November 17, 2014 Generally the bank don't really care about this kind of thing. With a joint account you both have permission to withdraw as much money as you like. There is no formal "half each" law. You both have full access to the account and that is where their liability will end. What you should do now is to cut off her access to all other joint finances. Any other joint accounts, tell the bak you're having a marital dispute and ask the bank to freeze them so that neither of you can access them until you have a consent order. Joint credit cards, the same, report a marital dispute and get the cards cancelled. Any cards she has that are in your name, cancel. Then you can consult your solicitor and get a consent order sorted out as part of formal divorce proceedings. The money she has taken from the account can be taken into consideration in this (called "decimation of marital assets"). But as you mentioned earlier you have to be aware of what you're fighting for and whether it's worth it. Spending £1000 in solicitors fees to get £500 back would be a Phyrric victory. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ralfgarnett Posted November 17, 2014 Share Posted November 17, 2014 (edited) Ouch, that's all you need Richie, I feel for you mate this must be causing you so much more turmoil by the day, I thank god that I am not having these problems and long may it stay that way, Edited November 17, 2014 by ralfgarnett Link to post Share on other sites
LifesontheUp Posted November 17, 2014 Share Posted November 17, 2014 I didn't have a joint account with my xH, but he did have access to my account via password. My very best friend, who is also very wise instructed me to change my password before he took any money from my account. I did and a day later I tried to get in and he'd been online and frozen my account as he had made more than three attempts to log in. Be very careful, detail everything and advise your solicitor. While you want to believe this person who you love with all your heart wishes you no harm; since the day she left you or even before that I can assure you, she is no longer thinking you and her but all about HER. Gloves are off, look after yourself with the help of your solicitor. Link to post Share on other sites
ralfgarnett Posted November 17, 2014 Share Posted November 17, 2014 My wife and I don't have joint accounts either so therefore nothing to worry about on that score Link to post Share on other sites
Author Richiebuoy Posted November 17, 2014 Author Share Posted November 17, 2014 Hope your feeling a bit better now Ralph, funny thing is because you were down it made me feel down and we have never even met ....how weird is that ? Link to post Share on other sites
ralfgarnett Posted November 17, 2014 Share Posted November 17, 2014 Sorry Rich, maybe its because at the end of the day we are in the same boat mate regardless of the cirumstances and implications, although I saw her today and we had a nice hour together, meeting up at weekend and she wants to take me out for lunch on my birthday next month, also baking pies this evening and freezing one for me, this is why for me being on good terms is important, to me there is always hope, that's why when people were sniping at you and making false allegations about infidelity I came to your support, people can be very bitter and neither my wife and I have been like that at any time of our 20 years together and not starting now regardless of how things work out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Richiebuoy Posted November 18, 2014 Author Share Posted November 18, 2014 Well, it does sound like at least she still cares about you so I would agree there is hope there. Unfortunately in my case it seems she doesn't even care about me any more which is why I believe there's not much hope........ Link to post Share on other sites
ralfgarnett Posted November 18, 2014 Share Posted November 18, 2014 "I've been there many times but I wasn't sure of the actual written address and postcode and I want to write a hand written letter to her..... she refused to give me the address saying she was worried I would harass her mum and dad..... I was mortified that she would say such a thing, I'm not that sort of person and she knows that". Hi Richie have you thought about searching the electoral role for the address ?, you can access certain websites and they charge about a tenner for a weeks access. "Well, it does sound like at least she still cares about you so I would agree there is hope there. Unfortunately in my case it seems she doesn't even care about me any more which is why I believe there's not much hope" Maybe but if my wife had behaved with me as your wife is doing with you then our situation would be totally different and I don't honestly think I could cope with that I think the pressure would finish me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Richiebuoy Posted November 18, 2014 Author Share Posted November 18, 2014 I think your right Ralph. She knows she has my heart but not my brain, my money, a big fear is if she suddenly changes and starts being all nice again..... I'm not sure what i would do..... or maybe that's just wishful thinking on my part Link to post Share on other sites
Author Richiebuoy Posted November 21, 2014 Author Share Posted November 21, 2014 Its been four weeks today since she left..... and it still hurts Link to post Share on other sites
BlueIris Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 Richie, I’m sorry it hurts. It’s a very painful time. I only read the first 4 pages and got annoyed by the all-knowing “other man” chorus. I agree that it needn’t be another man at all. I divorced both of my exes (2) without another man even being considered. One of them repeatedly insisted that it MUST be another man, so I eventually just said, “okay, yeah” but THEN he wanted to know who and I was SOL!!! haha But he had what he wanted, an escape from reflection or depth of thought, and the divorce finally started moving forward. I’d never really hit his radar anyway, except physically, so my emotional change and departure over time was unnoticed. I can say only what I’ve seen and felt and that’s usually that when someone decides to end a relationship seemingly out of the blue, they didn’t feel seen, heard and appreciated for their depths and nuances- what they value most about themselves. That’s how I felt. My last dating relationship was pretty much the same. He was effusive and claimed to love me but it didn’t seem to be more than finding me physically attractive, sexual, cheerful and pleasant to be around. For instance, when he was tense about a big project and finally completed it, I’d celebrated it and him- in many ways. In contrast, I had a huge win at work toward the end, and although I was thrilled, it wasn’t a blip on his radar. I think he might have said, “that’s good.” So, I didn't feel like a very big component of that relationship. Anyway, I’m sure not in your wife’s head or heart, but I just thought I'd add a possibility. Sometimes if someone feels invisible, insignificant or unnoticed in a relationship, they don't see any point in saying anything and just go. Link to post Share on other sites
ralfgarnett Posted November 21, 2014 Share Posted November 21, 2014 (edited) Its been four weeks today since she left..... and it still hurts of course it f-cking hurts it will f-cking hurt a hell of a long time more its 20 weeks for me and I feel like chucking in the towel, they re callous evil nasty self effacing f-cking bithces when it comoes down to it, they are all the f-cking same mate no matter how nice they seem throughout tjere is something about the sushi cove that makes them different than us, on our marriage nights instead of slipping them a quick length we should be taught to bring with us a small toffee hammer and chisel and when they go to sleep we go to work like beaver miners chiselling off bit by bit the little man in a boat aka the cl-t, that would teach the slimey split ar=e b=startds what real love is, im startin to go off birds might try playing with buggery gaurds instead, don't knock it till you've tried it chaps (not) Edited November 21, 2014 by ralfgarnett Link to post Share on other sites
Author Richiebuoy Posted November 22, 2014 Author Share Posted November 22, 2014 Interesting post Ralph, I think. You do seem to be on an emotional roller coaster where as I seem to be on a downward spiral heading towards....well, I don't know what. Thanks blue and you may have a point, we were both very attentive with each other, always saying "I love you" always holding hands, and kissing etc etc we both wanted to do this, it never felt one sided, ever. But yes, maybe there was other stuff I missed, her work or personal achievements maybe.... I'm not sure. Link to post Share on other sites
ralfgarnett Posted November 22, 2014 Share Posted November 22, 2014 "Thanks blue and you may have a point, we were both very attentive with each other, always saying "I love you" Same here rich as close as close could be, also don't take too much of what I say about women too seriously, I love her like hell, been out with her today and it was lovely., meeting up with her again in the morning and looking forward to it I love her like hell, being a WW1 historian I try my best to put a cheerfull twist on things if and where I can but at the end of the day as with you old boy I feel like crap almost all of the time, going out for a ruby tonight but still feel pised form lunchtime, this isn't what I got married for. Link to post Share on other sites
ralfgarnett Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 sorry wrong thread Link to post Share on other sites
Author Richiebuoy Posted November 23, 2014 Author Share Posted November 23, 2014 "Thanks blue and you may have a point, we were both very attentive with each other, always saying "I love you" Same here rich as close as close could be, also don't take too much of what I say about women too seriously, I love her like hell, been out with her today and it was lovely., meeting up with her again in the morning and looking forward to it I love her like hell, being a WW1 historian I try my best to put a cheerfull twist on things if and where I can but at the end of the day as with you old boy I feel like crap almost all of the time, going out for a ruby tonight but still feel pised form lunchtime, this isn't what I got married for. I know mate, just venting.......its ok Link to post Share on other sites
Author Richiebuoy Posted November 23, 2014 Author Share Posted November 23, 2014 Oh well, another day, another Sunday without my wife Link to post Share on other sites
ralfgarnett Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 Hi Rich I wish you could of come for a pint with me today, had lunch in a local pub beef stew with dumpilngs thinking of you mate I really am pal, bee there, still am, feel like sh-t keep going pal don't give up old bot its always darkest before the dawn come on Rich youll be ok one day don't know when but you will, don't be lonely, stick the wireless on, have a beer, chin up our kid its horrid but you / I / we will get through we have to, we have 2 options, give up and die or carry on and survive that's all we have feck sundays don't think what day it is just think it another day to get through come on rich we will get there pal believe me Link to post Share on other sites
ralfgarnett Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 Come on rich pu some chili powder in your underpants that will perk you up old chap come one rich say something laddy Link to post Share on other sites
Author Richiebuoy Posted November 23, 2014 Author Share Posted November 23, 2014 I'm just having a downer, not sure why, its been over a month now since she left but it still feels like just a few days ago...... Link to post Share on other sites
ralfgarnett Posted November 23, 2014 Share Posted November 23, 2014 (edited) Richie a month is nothing mate, stop doing what I have been doing and looking for a quick fix cos it aint going to happen not now not in the same time frame, yes of course your going to have blips I have been with my wife 20 years how can we cut off jjust like that, we both have more hell to go through but we will get through, why ? because we and they have no fekking choice we have to bite the bullet the other choice is good night Vienna, what do you want pal ?. Edited November 24, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator requested Link to post Share on other sites
Author Richiebuoy Posted November 23, 2014 Author Share Posted November 23, 2014 I know that and your right but as we both know, sometimes is just plain hard, anyway, hopefuly tomorrow will be a better day.... Link to post Share on other sites
ralfgarnett Posted November 29, 2014 Share Posted November 29, 2014 Morning Richie how are you today mate ?, I know you currently hate weekends so thinking of you today old chum, personally speaking I try to make something of the weekend even though its not the same any more, for example going in to town to buy some new jeans and shirts for my holiday in Spain, going to pick up my euros, also going to buy a nice piece of steak, nice bottle of wine, and some crinkle cut chips for my lunch, the point im trying to make is that even though Sam is not currently in your life it is still your life and nobody has the rights to ruin everything for you and you deserve to have a nice treat at the weekend in whatever way you choose, so I hope your ok and hope I have made my point, keep posting old chap we can help each other through this and I also think that DTM will be a good help to us and us for her. Ps, yes I love black pudding I forgot to answer you the other day, the best I have ever had are in order, number 5) Malta, 4) Dublin, 3) Bury, 2) Dusseldorf, 1) Charleroi. Link to post Share on other sites
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