Author Richiebuoy Posted December 6, 2014 Author Share Posted December 6, 2014 Thanks Ralph. Well, just been down to Tesco for breakfast. I have my first wife coming round to night, just for a bit of company, then Sunday I'm off to a carvery for lunch, in between times I'm messing around with my new (to me) car so really the key is keeping active to get through the weekend...... Link to post Share on other sites
ralfgarnett Posted December 6, 2014 Share Posted December 6, 2014 "I have my first wife coming round to night, just for a bit of company" you old dog Richie you don't let the grass grow under your feet do you, I thought about looking up a few former female friends but decided against it, but seriously how does that work with your first wife ?, did you have that kind of relationship with her when Sam was around, also, none of my business mate but be carefull what you do and who you are seen with as you don't want Sam to D you for adultery or anything like that even though it is innocent, I spoke to a solicitor friend of mine and whilst we are separated starting a physical relationship with a woman could be considered as grounds for adultery she told me, a bit unfair really as they left us but that's women for you mate, unrealistic and bloody unfair. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Richiebuoy Posted December 6, 2014 Author Share Posted December 6, 2014 Ha ha ....na we're just friends, always have been but that is all. I do know what you mean about being unfair though. My weekend has not been too bad so far, out for lunch tomorrow and now it seems my brother is coming up for a visit so its all looking good so far......mind you if I sat and thought about Sam I would just cry..... Link to post Share on other sites
ralfgarnett Posted December 7, 2014 Share Posted December 7, 2014 Morning Richie its ruddy boring sunday again, where are you going for your sunday lunch and what are you having ?, roast beef and Yorkshire pudding would do me just nicely today in fact I think I might go for a pint and do just that . Link to post Share on other sites
Author Richiebuoy Posted December 7, 2014 Author Share Posted December 7, 2014 Well, we just go to our local Best Western who do a nice carvery for 8 quid ..... everybody's gone now and its lonely and now I feel down again..... Link to post Share on other sites
ralfgarnett Posted December 7, 2014 Share Posted December 7, 2014 Same here mate, going to have a stiff drink then a snooze for a couple of hours, I miss her I wish she was here with me so we could snuggle up together I front of the fire a we used to. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Richiebuoy Posted December 8, 2014 Author Share Posted December 8, 2014 Still feeling a bit down here, dunno why, I felt stronger last week. I've started to clear some of her stuff, a de -Sam, she took a lot so I assume what she left she doesn't want........ but it doesn't feel good binning her stuff..... Hows you today Ralph ? Link to post Share on other sites
ralfgarnett Posted December 8, 2014 Share Posted December 8, 2014 (edited) Hi Richie well im never too good on a Monday anyway but I suppose I'm ok, not long back from councelling which can be tiring but she think im doing pretty well though, its my birthday on Thursday and been getting bit worried about what to do with it, my wife has said she want to take me out for lunch or dinner and I have been uncertain about going due to my period of NC but thinking about it if she contacts me and says she still wants to go then I might as I have nothing to lose by going, and it would be nice to get a pressy and a card and a free meal, but it will mean breaking NC which I must admit I have not been tempted to do and that has surprised me that I have had the mental strength to do it, but with regards Thursday then lets see what happens she might not bother asking me now, hows councelling going for you Richie ?, also don't beat yourself up about how you feel week by week, if your anything like me then your feelings will ebb and flow daily or even a few times daily, if your struggling with Sam's stuff either leave it until you feel like it but instead of binning it why not just box it up and put it somewhere safe in case she ever needs it again, my wife has left most of her stuff here as she didn't seem to have planned her departure but I haven't hardly touched any of it as it doesn't bother me too much and in some ways its nice to have around and I sometimes give something a hug or a kiss just to remember her by. Edited December 8, 2014 by ralfgarnett Link to post Share on other sites
Author Richiebuoy Posted December 8, 2014 Author Share Posted December 8, 2014 I agree Ralph, what is there to lose and perhaps there's everything to gain. My own counselling was last week but I forgot to go, to be honest it was just an assessment appointment and then i would see a Councillor about a month after that, in total that's would be about 3 months after our break up, too little too late in my view. i think with Sam's stuff its a constant reminder and as much as its painful to chuck it I think its better in the long run. This is where we differ a little, our situations are the same but our outlooks are different. I would love nothing more than for Sam to come home but I don't think she will. Your the same Ralph but in your case there's a real possibility that she will come home. I was surprised when you said most of her stuff is still there...... this being another good pointer. Link to post Share on other sites
ralfgarnett Posted December 8, 2014 Share Posted December 8, 2014 Hi Richie please don't give up on the idea of counselling I know it will be a few months down the line but on the grand scale of things its never too late, as with me you are hurt, scared, lost, lonely, confused and anything else we could find to be, I am nearly 6 months down the line and I need that outlet and there are parts of the process of grief counselling that really are beneficial so much so that I am thinking that when I get through this ordeal that I might like to train as a counsellor myself in order to help other people by my own experiences, I cant consider it now that would be the blind leading the blind but I am seriously thinking about giving up some of my time to give something back to those that could use my experience, please Richie re-consider mate we both need as many weapons in our armouries to fight and win with don't just throw one of them away without giving it proper and full consideration, the rest of our lives is a long time forget a few months here and there the help we need right now will stand us in good stead for the rest of our lives. Link to post Share on other sites
Rik777 Posted December 8, 2014 Share Posted December 8, 2014 My heart goes out to you. I hope you are ok buddy. It's difficult to say why she has left. But, I find it strange to believe that she just packed and then left. Did you have regular dispute/argument or was there anything that could have resulted in her moving out. Normally when I read threads like this, I automatically assume that there's another man. But, given what you have said, I believe that she is mentally vulnerable. She left and then returned. Chances are when she has had time to rethink things through, she will be rushing back in no time. When she does, Seek counselling. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Richiebuoy Posted December 8, 2014 Author Share Posted December 8, 2014 Thanks Rik, we had the occasional row like most couples but nothing major......in fact on the morning of the day she said she was leaving she cuddled up to me in bed as she usually did so like I say..... right out of the blue. Link to post Share on other sites
ralfgarnett Posted December 8, 2014 Share Posted December 8, 2014 Very similar the here Richie we cuddled up all the night before and in to the morning, all very odd mate how do they just switch off like that how does the female mind work, I think your wife is the same age as mine 43 ?, how, why, where, when, its all crackers when you think about it, must mate been having a few bad times today but its Monday and its been counselling day which can be probing, not going to be a late night tonight made the bed all nice and fresh with clean bedding on, but will be around until about 10-30 if you want to chat mate. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Richiebuoy Posted December 8, 2014 Author Share Posted December 8, 2014 yes 43 ralph and a Aussie, not sure if that makes a difference.. ....yes i find it difficult to understand how they can be so warm, loving and affection right up until they say they're leaving.... can they just switch off ?? was it all an act ?? am I missing something ?? ....I just don't get it. Link to post Share on other sites
ralfgarnett Posted December 8, 2014 Share Posted December 8, 2014 yes 43 ralph and a Aussie, not sure if that makes a difference.. ....yes i find it difficult to understand how they can be so warm, loving and affection right up until they say they're leaving.... can they just switch off ?? was it all an act ?? am I missing something ?? ....I just don't get it. And I think it makes the sense of shock and loss even worse, almost like being stabbed in the back by the person you love the most and trust the most, almost surreal that they stab out of no where when you just don't expect it, a bit like being tangoed out of no where with no warnings and it is this that I still struggle with as if it never really hppended and I just imagined it, a bit like that great episode of Father Ted when he kicks Bishop Brennan up the arse, its that sense of, what just happended ?, your doing what ?, are you sure you really just said that ?, your going where ? etc etc, Bishop Brennan of course I would never ever kick you up the arse, but they did dint they., Link to post Share on other sites
Author Richiebuoy Posted December 8, 2014 Author Share Posted December 8, 2014 yes, as well as her being my wife and lover she said I was her best friend, her soul mate...... is that how best friends treat each other..... Some people say its like a bereavement, but in many ways its worse as with a bereavement its not the partners fault...... well, unless they murdered them in which case it would be their fault.... but in this case the person isn't dead, they're alive and kicking and doing what they want to do, they just don't want you in their lives anymore so its worse then a bereavement.... Link to post Share on other sites
ralfgarnett Posted December 8, 2014 Share Posted December 8, 2014 yes, as well as her being my wife and lover she said I was her best friend, her soul mate...... is that how best friends treat each other..... Some people say its like a bereavement, but in many ways its worse as with a bereavement its not the partners fault...... well, unless they murdered them in which case it would be their fault.... but in this case the person isn't dead, they're alive and kicking and doing what they want to do, they just don't want you in their lives anymore so its worse then a bereavement.... Well Richie I am receiving counselling for grief and bereavement because that's basically what has happended but its the shock factor too, almost like a traffic police officer knocking on your door to tell you that there has been an accident and he has some bad news for me, that is how I felt when she came home that night and dropped bombshell out of absolutely no where, and these peope on here who say that we must of seen it coming or there were signs don't know what theyre talking about, you and I both know that there are no signs it just happens, it hurts like hell and the shock is truly awfull to deal with, if a couple are costnatly arguing and falling out then they are signals, not living a normal happy life spending time together and getting on with our lives comfortable and content, and another thing I have been thinking is if they think and act like that with such haste, then would they admit they were wrong if they suddently wake up and think blimey what have I done, would they have the balls to admit that and say they want to come home, and a bit of me thinks they wouldn't so they prolong theirs and our agonies by sticking to their guns even if they knew they were wrong, I hope this makes sense im getting a bit tired and my brain is getting slow. Link to post Share on other sites
ralfgarnett Posted December 9, 2014 Share Posted December 9, 2014 Morning Rich how are you doing today mate ?, its ruddy cold grey and miserable up here today, taking solace in a mug of boiling hot marmite and water with lots of pepper, what are you up to today ?, in between work stuff although its going quiet now im trying to get the house staright for when I go away at the w/e, also just had my 2nd not too good nights sleep in 2 nights and it gets to me a bit, been having odd dreams and its left me feeling uneasy, are you sleeping ok and how is your general health all things considered, we were talking about the effects of stress on health at times like this and I am surprised that I haven't been more rundown tbh o must be doing something right although my chest has been a bit tight past few days, what are your plans for the festive period that's if you have any, if your anything like me your dreading it, and I have 2 days left of being in my 40's and not looking forward to being 50 on Thursday god knows what might happen or how i'll feel, but we wil get there Rich wont we mate because we have done nothing wrong and we deserve better, talk to me Rich let me know your ok. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Richiebuoy Posted December 9, 2014 Author Share Posted December 9, 2014 I'm ok Ralph, feeling a bit better now, I always do through the week. My work has gone a bit quiet but I've got jobs for Wed, Thurs and Fri so not so bad. I have one daughter and have been invited there for xmas hols so at least I'll have a nice roast on the day. Rightly or wrongly I have a drink every night, not excessive but it does help me sleep. I've got house work to do as well but sometimes I cant be arsed and think whats the point.... It'll be 7 weeks on Friday and as daft as it sounds I still cant believe she is not with me..... Chin up mate it can only get better.... Link to post Share on other sites
ralfgarnett Posted December 9, 2014 Share Posted December 9, 2014 "Rightly or wrongly I have a drink every night, not excessive but it does help me sleep. I've got house work to do as well but sometimes I cant be arsed and think whats the point...." Me too mate 8pm on the dot I open something nice and refreshing there is no right or wrong there is now whats best for Richie & Ralf, if that changes then great but if not then so be it, with you on the housework but it needs to be done, I try to make that little bit of time in between other things, for example while I was cooking something in the oven last night I cleaned the hob, while cooking tea tonight will dust and hoover back and front downstairs, its just a case of keeping on top. "It'll be 7 weeks on Friday and as daft as it sounds I still cant believe she is not with me....." 7 weeks is fekk all time mate your still in shock, over 20 weeks now for me and I'm still in shock, don't be hard on yourself, as my counsellor keeps telling me there are no wrongs or rights in grief, you do what you need to cope and get through your bad times but hey Richie take a look at yourself mate your still here, your still surviving and god willing you will continue to do so, I hit my all time low 3 weeks ago and knew I needed help but I got up and sought the help which in turn has lifted me from that dark place, don't forget we are human animals and as such have in built survival techniques, we will be ok one day, not sure when that day will be for either of us but it will happen and WE Will be ok mate, don't forget its always darkest before the dawn. Chin up mate it can only get better.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Richiebuoy Posted December 9, 2014 Author Share Posted December 9, 2014 Good post Ralph, wise words. You know what really bugs me..... well actually there's quite a lot that really bugs me about our situation but it really bothers me that I sent her two heartfelt emails ..... and she just ignored them. Now, ok, if she doesn't love me anymore then I cant expect a heartfelt email back but surely its just common good manners or courtesy to reply with a short email say thanks for the email etc..... Link to post Share on other sites
ralfgarnett Posted December 9, 2014 Share Posted December 9, 2014 Good post Ralph, wise words. You know what really bugs me..... well actually there's quite a lot that really bugs me about our situation but it really bothers me that I sent her two heartfelt emails ..... and she just ignored them. Now, ok, if she doesn't love me anymore then I cant expect a heartfelt email back but surely its just common good manners or courtesy to reply with a short email say thanks for the email etc..... I know exactly what you mean mate, I think I have told you before that my wife always had immaculate good manners, but since this situation arose they seem to have deteriorated and I have told her this and that she is now surrounded by feckless waste of space family members that she must maintain her standards and not become a feckless waste of space herself as some of them clampets are, the next thing is she will be getting a tattoo and signing on for benefits lol. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Richiebuoy Posted December 9, 2014 Author Share Posted December 9, 2014 (edited) I wonder why they change their behavior.....anyway, I'll look forward to seeing you both on the Jeremy Kyle show ..... Well, I was in Tesco this afternoon and was seduced.... by a cream scone with strawberry jam...... I tried to fight it but I was hopeless and weak and the scone just over powered me....... Still, at least it wasn't a tart Edited December 9, 2014 by Richiebuoy 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ralfgarnett Posted December 9, 2014 Share Posted December 9, 2014 I wonder why they change their behavior.....anyway, I'll look forward to seeing you both on the Jeremy Kyle show ..... Well, I was in Tesco this afternoon and was seduced.... by a cream scone with strawberry jam...... I tried to fight it but I was hopeless and weak and the scone just over powered me....... Still, at least it wasn't a tart I could cope with being seduced by a tart, or a scone or indeed anything would be welcome, it so cold wet and miserable oop north tonight anything warm would be nice. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Richiebuoy Posted December 9, 2014 Author Share Posted December 9, 2014 (edited) I know what you mean, its cold, wet, windy and dark here .... soooo depressing..... It gets worse, I did the washing this afternoon and my blue Pringle socks have seperated Now I just watched the last half of Eastenders and how depressing was that ...... if i had a gun I would shoot......the tele Edited December 9, 2014 by Richiebuoy Link to post Share on other sites
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