I'm YOUR MM's Wife!!

[ComingInHot]

Promises;

I have read and re-read your post many times. I trod not to respond a second time but can't help it...

 

As MM's Wife:

You say you envy ALL that I have. I think that is what my intentions were. But what you may not know is that my reality right now is NOT something to envy or want. My life is turned insideout and my marriage in question. The man you trusted and I trusted broke both our hearts.

One day I do want to see you as a woman just like me. But the only way I can survive right now is to make you the enemy.

I wish this never happened! I need to get in control of myself but I promise I won't hurt your family.

If I do then shame on me*

[Weary13]

I am new to this site I really need to reply to this post because my situation is real and I am hurting so bad at the moment. I would say to his wife how did your husband keep a seven year relationship with me a secret from you? How did he have so much free time to spend with me without you wondering where he was. We spend every holiday together for the whole time. We went on trips together. I never dreamed he was married because he had so much free time to be with me without limitations. I know how he kept you a secret from me. He was my boss and we had to keep our relationship a secret. I only recently found out about you because he was promoted out of the office where I work. He still didn't want to tell anyone about me and wanted our relationship to remain a secret. That is when I knew something wasn't right and that is how I found out about you. He married you while he was in a relationship with me. I want to tell you I have love him dearly and I have shared seven years of my life with him. but I am walking away no matter how much it hurts because I do not want to be with a man who could do this to both of us. Yes to both of us you and I.

[ComingInHot]

Seren;

I've stated before but maybe not too clear. My responses are Not what matters (I don't think)* It is the things written by the OW that matter in this particular thread. Things they would say, may say, may not say etc.. given the chance. My responses are from the pieces I'm given regarding the MM, BW & OW w/out the negative emotions that would Most definitely be there. And the anger and pain are very real and normal (should've seen me, I was crazy mad) but bringing those responses to this topic would defeat its purpose. And honestly I've learned A lot from these responses.

I about choked when Lady G. Said doing same on infidelity side. I thought, Oh No, not good! Because I know the response I would give as a BW and it wouldn't be pretty, and I'm not even angry at the OW... **

[ComingInHot]

Weary;

I don't have a whole lot to go on here but I will try (just sayin' could be way off)*

 

MM's Wife response:

Well, you're right. He lied to both of us. But I think we may be upset for two different reasons... I actually Did know about you. Before I mean. When you two were together. He fessed up to me after we went out a few times. Back then I guess you could say I was the OW. But I fell for his bs about you two not being too serious and I could see potential in him that I was looking for in a husband so I went after it. When he asked me too marry him, he said you two were over. So I won right? NOT!! About a year into our marriage he started travelling more and more, missing my birthdays and even a Christmas here and there. I think I Did know what was up. I just didn't want to face it let alone find out it was you again or I guess still. I like our lifestyle and financial stability and I love him too. So, I have to answer for myself now, is it worth it? I don't know..

 

Weary, again, because of so little information, the above was just one scenario. The other is and would make more sense to me that this woman truly didn't know and stupidly trusted her husband and his lies (whatever they all were) and be supportive and understanding w/his demanding career only to have her entire married life be One Big Lie! Same as your relationship with him.

Either way, I am so sorry for your situation.*

[ComingInHot]

Oh my gosh Lady G. No not at all. I would hope the reception would be for you as it was for me here. I think my fear is that it may not. I would love to be proven wrong though & I would respond w/respect as well.

I think it's important to note that however this thread was started by me and I have been mostly the responder, the Few other BS's that have responded have been incredibly awesome too, better than me to be honest, but few nonetheless.

Okay, sorry if I accidentally offended. I probably offended both sides actually. Sorry.

[seren]

Seren;

I've stated before but maybe not too clear. My responses are Not what matters (I don't think)* It is the things written by the OW that matter in this particular thread. Things they would say, may say, may not say etc.. given the chance. My responses are from the pieces I'm given regarding the MM, BW & OW w/out the negative emotions that would Most definitely be there. And the anger and pain are very real and normal (should've seen me, I was crazy mad) but bringing those responses to this topic would defeat its purpose. And honestly I've learned A lot from these responses.

I about choked when Lady G. Said doing same on infidelity side. I thought, Oh No, not good! Because I know the response I would give as a BW and it wouldn't be pretty, and I'm not even angry at the OW... **

 

This makes sense, still don't think a lot of the responses are as IRL might be, bit the first bit, great, I am glad that is the purpose and that other's are getting something from it, it was not meant to be overly critical, I am just always wary when someone it suggests they are speaking for me (general). But as the purpose is for the AP to heal, then the response is moot.

I hope the BS in Infidelity are as welcoming Lady Grey. Apologies for the T/J maybe the mods will remove my responses after a day or so to not hi jack the thread.

[ComingInHot]

Seren;

I certainly hope the Mods Don't remove your posts!

It is a gentle reminder that thresponses here are probably not the responses these ladies ( and gentlemen) would receive from their perspective MM's Wife. I would be devastated if the responses given were taken in a way that encouraged them (some of them depending on the situation) to send it to their "real" MM's Wife expecting the same or similar response. But it looks as if, so far, this has been healing*

 

 

Weary!?

I hope the response you received was Not lost in the middle of our comings & goings!! **

[april38]

Thank you for this forum CIH, I've been trying to find a way to communicate with her without actually contacting her. So....

 

 

I'm sorry, I'm sorry for the hurt I've caused you, and maybe things you're not even aware of. You husband has been searching for the last couple of years for something that he said was missing in your relationship. He had a short affair with a woman at work, and slept with a couple of others as well. When he met me, I tried to resist his charm, but I fell for him within a few weeks, we lost control from there, and had an affair for about 7 months. I never had any intention of hurting you or your family, and he never had any intention of leaving you. But when we broke it off last december, he couldn't bare to be without me, and he left you and filled for separation. After a few weeks of being out of the house, yes, he went back to you and left me, and told me that even though he's in love with me, and not you, he can't bare to leave his children, and he must sacrafice his own happiness for them. What could he have possibly said that made you want to take him back?

 

Since he's been back with you, we tried to stay apart for several months, but we couldn't and we started up another affair behind your back. This went on for a few months. He would sneak over whenever he could, and lie to you. We both knew it was wrong, but we were both so weak, and so in love, so connected in a spiritual way (so we believe). Finally, I started to feel anger toward his minimal communication with me when you were together. (The only way we would communicate at this point was with his secret facebook persona where we would message back and forth). So, a month ago I ended the affair, I have stayed off of facebook completely, and have been trying to focus on NC and moving on, even though I know he's left me letters. He told me when i ended it that he would continue the affair if I would, but I told him it wasn't enough for me. He told me that he wants to wish me well, but deep in his heart he wishes I wouldn't find someone else so I would be there when your marriage finally falls apart.

 

The thing that motivates me to stay away is that I know that I love him, and the most loving thing I can do for him, you, and the kids is to stay away (as you've asked me to do in the past, and we both know I lied about that). This is also the most loving thing I can do for myself so that I can move forward. I am in pain every day, I love your husband, and I'm so sorry that I have become such a disease on your marriage.

 

The truth is, he is still dissatisfied, and even if it's not with me, he's probably going to keep searching for love with someone else - unless you give him your undivided attention, passion, and love every minute of every day for the rest of your lives. He said he wants you to love him the way I do, but you don't. You get busy, and he feels ignored. Sure that's narcissistic of him, but that's the man you're dealing with.

 

I know you are a kind, loving woman, who even showed me compassion when he left me. And knowing all of that, and being completely honest, as the OW - deep in my heart, I still want him to leave you and be with me, but I wont hope and wait for it. You two should give it your all and see if you can make it, I don't believe you will, but it's not my business.

 

I'm sorry - and if there are questions I can answer for you, please feel free to ask.

 

(Realize this is more of a confession that I would never share with her because I know it's soooo hurtful)

[april38]

BTW - CIH...thank you for this thread. You are as kind and insightful as I know she is too. I want to find closure so badly, and she tried to offer that to me months ago, but I wasn't ready to let go. I really want that closure, and reading all of your posts, and getting your perspective on your far from perfect, yet, too deep to turn away marriage, gives me some perspective on her and his mindset, and hopefully this process with you can give me the closure I need to move on, learn from, and respect their bond. I really want that for all of us....thank you!

[ComingInHot]

april;

It's harder this time. Forgiving you. Feeling compassion for you. I never thought I would have to revisit this again, at least not w/you. The only way for me to let you go is to truly forgive you, again. This is what I have chosen to do for my Husband as well.

I feel badly that you chose to reciprocate my husbands advances but his charms are hard to ignore (as you well know). But look at what he has done to you too. He has you feeling heartbroken. He has you telling lies. Your relationship w/him has you thinking you are a disease to our marriage. He has you convinced that he is Still the victim. And he is telling you that he loves only you while he's telling me that you meant nothing and I'm the only woman he loves. Ahhh! It makes me so mad!! But there are certain "truths" you should know; you are not a disease to our marriage. Uninvited and intruding from my view but Not a disease! He is a Liar. And a good one at that. He is NOT a victim. ( he should play one on t.v. though, he'd win an Emmy!). I Do forgive you but as this is the second time, I don't see us as future friends yet I still pray the best for your future. I do hope it's away from me though*

I've been a great Wife, an awesome Mother, and my family means everything to me but as I told my husband ( which I'm sure you got a very different story) he is free to go and I'd do all I can to make sure the transition is as healthy as can be for our children & custody would not be anyth

[ComingInHot]

april I ht the submit button! Sorry. Okay......

 

Custody would not be anything but fifty/fifty. I made sure he had everything he needed when he left and was truly surprised he came back. He said it was for the kids, for him, for his love of me and our family.

 

There's nothing wrong w/me. There is something wrong in him that I'm hoping he is finally being honest about and ready to fix. God knows I've tried but I can't change him. Neither one of us can. But I can stay true to myself and my vows because that's who I am and he is my husband and I still love him. I may not like him very much right now but w/all his charms I'm sure that won't last very long.

Thank you for loving him enough to let him go to focus on his family & himself. Thank you for really meaning it this time. And thank you for saying goodbye.

[april38]

Thank you, but I don't want you to forgive me, unless it's something you need for yourself. I don't deserve it, and dont blame you for not wanting a friendship with me. If I were you I would hate me. I just want you to know what he's done, and willing to continue to do. He's been manipulating me, and lieing to you, and has suffered no repercussions, so he has no reason to change. He's been continuing the affair after crawling back to you. What kind of man does that? I gave him what he wanted up untill now. He still has his family intact, he has you commited, jealous, and desperate to keep him. It seems so unfair. I suffer, you suffer, and he gets to have his cake and eat it too. I just don't understand why you are so willing to put blinders on. Are you so afraid to lose him that you are willing to accept his lies in order to keep him? I know I don't deserve your answers, but I just want to try and understand what is going on in your mind so I can understand, empathize, stop thinking about his feelings and focus on your feelings. I've never been in your position, so it's hard for me to understand. I promise I will stay away from him, and I will keep my promise. I just want to move on, stop obsessing over him, and find freedom from this mess.

 

(Merry Christmas CIH - thank you for your gift of insight. I truly hope your husband is a better man to you than my exMM has been to his wife)

[ComingInHot]

april;

As CIH, thank you!

 

As MM's W:

 

I don't hate you. I'm angry w/you but I don't hate you. For me, forgiveness is Not deserved but it is a mercy and graciousness that can give healing to all who receive (and give) it.

 

There are nights where my heartbreak is a physical ache but in a moment I remember that I was not deserving of forgiveness but when it was offered, my acceptance gave me a peace and hope that I could go on.

 

Why did I? How could I? I took my wedding vows very seriously and I intend to give all I can to making it work. I intend to take all that he gives as well. Now for my disclaimer which I think you WILL understand; "I will give until I can't & I will take what I can take UNTIL I can't take anymore. Then I will know it's time to go but it will not be w/regret that I didn't do all I could for my marriage and the vows I took"

[Fleurette]

Dear MM's wife,

 

I'm sorry. You don't need this on top of the strain of a separation that has been looming for years. When you find out, please don't take it out too hard on MM - it's his commitment to supporting you and your children materially that has put us both in this awkward situation. He barely speaks about you, in fact he actively avoids badmouthing you to me, so I know very little about you. I'm no more interested in hearing bad of you than he is of speaking bad. I just know that two people tried their best but became very unhappy. I know that you scare him when you get angry. I know that you tend to leap to conclusions and assume the worst (and then act on it). I know that you're prone to anxiety, and are scared yourself about the divorce process.

 

This should never have happened, but it has, and we are three slightly messed up people in a very messed up situation. Please don't make it any more vitriolic than can be helped. I played no part in the end of your marriage, you both managed that yourselves. I've already found out that people will judge me and hate me for getting involved with a MM, even a StbXMM, despite the boundaries we have in place. They just assume that we're bonking each other for cheap thrills. I assure you, we aren't. If he'd wanted that, there are much more attractive women out there to be his OW. Hell, I've never even seen him naked! That's still your privilege, and yours alone.

 

Please try not to hate us. I don't hate you. But I must seem like the scum of the earth to you.

 

PS, good luck with the househunting. You'll need it in this recession we're in...

Edited December 26, 2012 by Fleurette

[SecretFlower]

Dear Married Man's Ex-Wife,

 

I hated you. A part of me still hates you. We never liked each other, not really, you and I. Oh, you were cordial to me and I to you because we shared friends, but you and I always knew didn't we? That he was a problem for both of us. He was your childhood friend and I was the strange wallflower intervening in your relationship. You used to snub me when we'd meet at parties, do you remember that? You'd pull my best friend away and talk about how close he was to proposing.

 

Too bad you didn't know then what you know today, right? That while he was with you he was also with me. We were such idiots then, I was so smug and you were so sure. So sure that he would never cheat on you the way you did on him. So sure that he would fall in love with someone else. So sure that he wasn't the dark, terrible person that he can be. We were all so young.

 

Over the years, I've often wondered only one thing. How didn't you know? How didn't you know that I was sleeping with him? Why did you let him go away with me? You can't tell me that you didn't connect the dots. You can't tell me that you didn't suspect. Did you hold on to him so I couldn't have him? Or, did you love him as much as I did and found it impossible to let him go? How didn't you know??

 

You asked me not that long ago (before I singlehandedly destroyed my own marriage) whether I did it because I loved him or if I hated you. At the time I thought you were the same arrogant woman I had pretended to like for years, but now I see the painful truth that I might have been motivated by my own jealousy and envy of you when I began the affair. I did do it because I loved him, but I also loved (for once) pulling one over on you.

 

So, where does that leave us? Where do we go from here? You loathe me as much as I would loathe you if I was in your shoes. You don't want me around him or your child and I understand. He wants me and optimistically believes eventually you'll come around. That he'll truly be able to have everything he's ever wanted. But I know better, don't I? You'll never accept us and neither will his family or my family. And, why would I put you through anymore misery -- especially when you have a child. So, you win. Me and him are over and everyone loses. I guess you were right it really wasn't worth it.

 

Signed,

 

The Other Woman

 

P.S. I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't contact me anymore -- I really dislike hearing what a horrible person I am and how I ruined your only chance at happiness, because I saw you last Monday walking through Central Park with your new boyfriend.

[ComingInHot]

Fleurette;

I am so thankful this whole ordeal is almost over. I'm in for a big surprise though, aren't I. If & when I find out about you, I will be thrown back to ground zero. I'm sure my initial reaction will be like most Married women being that I will finally be able to blame someone other than myself for my failed marriage. I may even let everyone know this as well to save face, or what's left of it.

I will be relieved to know he didn't talk TOO much about me, but I will know what he told you about my anxiety, anger etc... I f I have the "gumption" to talk to you, I'll make sure that my "anger & anxiety" are normal as I have spent years being the Only One putting into the marriage wondering why my husband continually blows me off like he has something better to think about. I would then ask you to see it from my perspective and AK, "wouldn't you be anxious and angry too"?!

As for any backlash from your affair turn relationship w/my soon to be exH, I think in the beginning, I will be glad for the "focus" being taken off of me. But I think that eventually friends & family and whoever will see that your years together from here on out will be a testimant in and of itself that Your relationship w/exH was meant to be. As I move on w/my life, I believe that I will be happy. That angry person who was desparately holding on to her family anxious of everything will quietly diappear , replaced by a surprisingly beautiful smile that will put most people who know her off at first.

 

I wish I were fully prepared for learning about you so I could work through all of the emotions above. Then when we meet, I could be happy and you pass the transition from OW to girlfriend and greet each other woman to woman not anything more or less.

 

I could respond w/pages more, but I have a new house to find and make it home*

 

MM's soon to be exWife~

[ComingInHot]

Secretflower;

sorry it has taken longer to respond. I have taken time to Really consider the types of personalities involved in your triangle. I Think I've got an idea but still... forgive me if I miss the mark*

 

Reply as Mm's (ex?) Wife:

 

On some things you are are right. On others, you are wrong...

You're right that you and I had a non-friendship. It happens, ya know? We shared same friends and you always seemed to show up ALL the time. Something about you rubbed me the wrong way. I knew you were after My boyfriend. I knew you were after My fiance'. I figured once we were married, you'd finally get the hint that he didn't choose you to have an open, genuine relationship with. That was my Big mistake, huh?!?

 

I know that not everyone we meet is going to like us and vis-a-versa and I wish I had been mature enough to just talk to you about it rather than try an "show" you by being a spoiled, snotty brat who slyly to "pot shots" to let you know that you were intruding on my world, with my friends & my boyfriend. You are right again. We were both young and stupid.

 

After I married my life long friend. I was finally living my dream and only thought of you, well, hardly ever. We had our baby and our family was complete. I was busy taking care of home and family and maintaining my social life which, as you know, has always been important to me. Our sex life never really waivered. So I can tell you I did NOT connect the dots at first. I mean I knew this man since childhood. I trusted everything I knew about him. He never really did Too much to have me question that you were Still in his & My life, secretly hoping to destroy me & my perfect little world to end up w/the man you had for so long wanted.

 

Man I was thrown when D-day happened! Of course looking back, I totally should have known. Of course it had to be You. I do hate you. Probably will always look back at this time of my life and feel animosity when your face flashes by. But with each passing day , my hate dissapates a little, and I'm able to see the A and my husband for what & who he is. And here is where you are Wrong ( and in a good way)...

 

At first, yes, I thought You & husband destroyed my life Beyond repair & I'd never be happy again. BUT, that was my pain, anger and defense at the crumbling of my world and family. Here is where you are Wrong (sorry, I can't help finding a little joy in saying you are wrong whenever I can).. NOT EVERYONE LOST!! I thought I did at first. When you said I won because if I couldn't have him, you sure weren't going to either. Maybe so but think about it. I can't believe I'm going to say this... but you have NOT lost either! This game, our lying, cheating pathetic man's game is finally OVER. He ended up w/out either of us! He didn't come out smelling like roses did he? Maybe roses covered in sh$t... My family can't stand him! All our mutual friends can't stand him! Oh they put on good face but just destroy him when he leaves!! His family is EXTREMELY disappointed in him and that Kills him!!

I have moved on. I think that's why I still hit you up every now and again. I want you to know it. I will soon get over my bad self & your bad self to just be happy. Listen, for what it's worth, we are both beautiful women and there are a couple handsome men out there who would do just about anything to be w/us. Just us. So, get back out there and do what I'm doing & find Mr. Available and see ex poopy pants for what he is... poopy.

One thing.. Please don't make My new Mr. Available Your new target!!?? I don't think I want you as an enemy anymore. I'm getting too old for that sh$t**

 

 

Secretflower; This was really long! I hope it worked for you though* And forget about the words below. I'm working off a Tablet & the darn thing won't let me scroll to delete it..

 

I am moving on. I thinks

[april38]

CIH, thank you again for all of your posts and insight. I know you are healing others and opening our eyes to what the wife is going through. I'm sure this is also helping you not only to heal, but to equip you with a kowledge of what is happening when a wife is being betrayed. I hope that this all makes you stronger and more aware and helps you to improve your marriage so that you can have a solid family unit.

[ComingInHot]

Thanks April!!

It has. It does. And it will continue to!!*

[OnceMoreWithFeeling]

xMM's W -- I want you to know that he's been in contact again. There's a video he made just this past weekend -- over a month into your reconciliation -- saying all sorts of outlandish things: That "every fiber of his being" still wants to be with me, and the only thing keeping him from me now is his faith. That he's hoping this last shred of faith he's clinging to will be enough to take his feelings for me away and help him accept his marriage again. Words right out of his mouth with tears in his eyes.

 

Do you want to see it? I told you -- and I meant it -- that I don't want to be a cause for more hurt for you. So I don't know what to do now. Part of me thinks you deserve to know that he's not fully there, no matter what he says or what face he puts on. But you've shown how tightly you want to cling on to your marriage, and I don't know if that will just mean more pain that you'll absorb.

[ComingInHot]

Oncemore;

I had the perfect answer for you UNTIL I read your question asking, "Do you want to see it?". I'll answer as truthfully as I can...

 

MM's Wife:

 

It is with great sorrow that I receive your letter. I am a woman of faith myself. It is w/this faith that I can get up in the morning and w/this faith that I am willing to forgive my husband and you for causing this anguish. It is my faith in believing that even though All of us fall short that we are worthy of a second, third , fourth chance.

I am working w/my husband who is daily telling me he wants our marriage to work. I am loving him and him me despite his present feelings for you. It is a pain I'd wish on No person.

Would I like to know or would I like to see the video? No to either of those but should I know is the question. I realize he still feels for you. And w/all loves, time is the only healer of hear break, yours, mine And his.

So, for now, I don't think I should See his video to you. But, should he continue and your feelings be pure of heart, then it is important for me to at least know there is continued contact from his end.

I am directed by faith to forgive and give extra chances but God Never said I have to be a doormat*

 

If you feel impressed that I Need to know, I only ask that you present the information to me w/a kind spirit.

Thank you.

[OnceMoreWithFeeling]

 

If you feel impressed that I Need to know, I only ask that you present the information to me w/a kind spirit.

Thank you.

 

Thank you so much -- for this response and for an immensely helpful post for a lot of people here. I can assume this is pretty close to her real answer.

 

I think she should know, too, I just wish it were him telling her he's been slipping -- that he would be honest with someone here. But given that that probably won't happen...

 

She's been kind to me despite all this, I will be in return.

[watergirl12]

I would like to ask my MM's wife how she doesn't know that he's cheating. By what he's mentioned and I've gleaned from his conversations, you as his wife, know something is off with him. You know that he's up to something but you just haven't found out what yet. Are you in denial that your husband could do this? Are you unable to ask the direct question?

 

Part of me wishes you would just ask and get it over with. If you don't he will never stop. If I leave him, there will be others. He's gotten away with it for this long; he thinks he's too charming to get caught. Just ask and watch his reactions, he'll panick.

 

 

I have been both a BS and now OW.

 

You have to keep in mind, that there isn't any behavior to garner immediate suspicion, that can't be explained by a hundred different things. Especially if the MM has had other kinds of issues before.

 

The strange behavior could be explained by stress at work, alcoholism, drug use, gambling, money issues, just problems in the marriage in general.

 

When my H had an affair, he just lost his brother. So durign this horrible grief period, all behaviors were odd.

 

You are looking from the outside in and it is obvious to you but looking from the inside out,the filters are a lot different.

[What do we do now]

Dear MM's wife,

 

When you left him, I was there. I did things for him that I should have been doing for my own family. I did them willingy and eagerly, these tasks that I detest in my own life. I know things I shouldn't know, and don't want to know. I know how your dog loves to play, and yet MM refuses to even throw a stinking ball for him. I know where you keep the little hotel bottles you have left over from vacations. I know that you took the only large mixing bowls with you and he didn't have one to make his sourdough bread. So I bought him a couple. I know which side of the bed he sleeps on. That new cartoon he suddenly likes? Guess who got him started on that? After you left him, he was devastated and lost. I helped him. I knew it was only a matter of time before my H and I separated, and so did MM. He told me that I had nothing to worry about, that once he read about your San Francisco plans, he would never be anle to get over it. He asked me if i thought my kkds could share a room so he could keep his room. He talked about how we would work in your yard together. I would do the flower beds while he cut the grass. He used to tell me everything. Suddenly I realized he was closing off to me. He mentioned once something about a "breathrough. " Then I somehow became the one he was disappointed in, the harlot who was trying to break up his marriage. Funny how that happened overnight, it seemed. That first time you went away to see your OM, MM begged me to come over. I resisted that for 2 weeks. When I finally gave in, I told him I was afraid that he would get back with you and he would not want to see me, and I would have lost my best friend. That's exactly what happened. I would have been happy as his friend for a very long time. I miss him more than you can imagine. I have loved that man for 13 years, and probably always will. I wish i didn't.

 

Oh, yeah. You can quit posting cute little pics on FB anytime now. The condom wrapper with the engagement ring inside, the one that says "Safe sex: get married and stay faithful." That one is particularly annoying, considering the history. And the one that says something about love not hurting except when it's the wrong person. Gotta love that one. THIS love hurts like heck.

[ComingInHot]

What do we do now;

As MM's Wife;

As you've probably guessed, my relationship w/my husband is full of drama. The more drama the better, although I would Never admit that. I Did leave him for a time. I grew tired of all his talk of how he "sees" the way things should "go" in our marriage. He has these "visions" of the two of us tending our home together but the reality is that I end up doing these things alone. No help from him. I swear he actually sees the result of his vision & my labor only to convince himself he actually had a hand in it! So, I gave him his wake up call when the opportunity presented itself for me to cheat. I got to see for myself if I couldn't get "better".

But I think we Both got a "wake up call" that we were better off w/each other & Our little games than w/anyone else. Being that you are the OW & I was the OW, I fully understand that letting go of the "fantasty" is hard. And, it hurts!

I don't blame my husband for turning to someone for comfort. I did. You did too. But fantasy world has closed its doors to all of us and now it's time to make our dreams a reality w/the ones we have vowed to be with. I a ed my husband for forgiveness and he gave it to me. I asked for a second chance and he cried w/relief because he didn't want our family broken apart.

I am now investing everything into my husband, marriage & family. I fill my life w/meaning. The quips on my FB are reminders to all (including myself) that the path I have chosen here on out is w/my husband. They are not there to hurt you or remind you that I have him and you don't. In fact, as irritated as I am that your thirteen years of friendship became intimate, I can't stay mad for too long as it was my actions that pushed that friendship to more.

You got the opportunity to see into my life and home and from what is sounds, you discovered it wasn't all that great and he did the same things w/you that he did to me. It's a lot harder I think to break habits when you don't have to. That's why I'm glad for this second chance w/my husband. We both realize we have to break our bad habits in order for our marriage to work and hold onto all that we have built together.

That is actually my hope for you and your family. I'm not saying when our "issues" are "fixed" that you and I will be buddies, but I hope that we will both be so enraptured w/our new found love of our families that we won't give eachother or our OM a second thought*

 

What do we do now; I'm so sorry that you got caught up in all this mess with a MM who you believed was your friend, w/his wife who is also a cheater and w/having to face your own actions all of which has caused you SO much turmoil and pain. I truly hope you heal quickly and become who you want to be and a bit stronger too* all my best,

CIH

Edited January 2, 2013 by ComingInHot
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