I'm YOUR MM's Wife!!

[ComingInHot]

Sweetie: "Absolutely nothing. Who are you, again? What do you have to do with me? Nothing."

 

Then.... why are you responding

 

it's sounds like you are good where your are and that's cool

CIH

[spice4life]

I would say, "I'm so sorry for the pain and problems I caused. There is no excuse in the world that I can give for what I've done."

[ComingInHot]

Spice;

And I would say thank you and I forgive you.

 

 

 

Spice, why couldn't you have been the exOW in my world?!?!

I got robbed

 

Well technically everyone gets robbed in this type of crap but I'm just saying...

[spice4life]

Spice;

And I would say thank you and I forgive you.

 

 

 

Spice, why couldn't you have been the exOW in my world?!?!

I got robbed

 

Well technically everyone gets robbed in this type of crap but I'm just saying...

 

I'm so sorry to hear that CIH.

[ComingInHot]

Spice, sorry about what?!?!

That some OW's & BS's are "crazy" in an A situation or that I got one of them?

 

I have learned that not every person involved in an A is sorry and you know what? That's okay. It's the malicious, calculated behaviors that I think is awful.

[spice4life]

Spice, sorry about what?!?!

That some OW's & BS's are "crazy" in an A situation or that I got one of them?

 

I have learned that not every person involved in an A is sorry and you know what? That's okay. It's the malicious, calculated behaviors that I think is awful.

 

That you got a crazy one!

[SolG]

Hi ComingInHot

 

I just joined LS specifically to respond to you in this thread. I would never write to my lover's wife, but going through this hypothetical exercise has been good for me. Thank you.

 

Dear Wife of the Man that I Love,

 

Just the other night I picked up my lover of almost three year's phone and scrolled through his and your messages. Your pet names for each other and your fond exchanges blurred in front of my eyes as they filled with tears. 'You and he' became so real to me in that instant that I couldn't breathe. Not that you didn't exist to me before--I've always known of you--but in that moment I felt and saw with clarity all that we 'share'.

 

Your 'us', and my 'us', and our 'him'. And so many things around and in-between.

 

I feel sorrow (not sorry) for you. And sometimes I hate you. And I fear you too. I fear the power that you may have to take from me the greatest joy in my life. The man that I love, my best friend... Your husband. I wonder if you knew, would you feel these things of me too?

 

He is a wonderful man. Kind, gentle, brave, strong, intelligent and generous. The best man I have ever met. His true great sins number only one; and that one is me. There were no others before - he was until me completely true to you. It is a wonder to me that he loves me. But I guess none of this--except me--would be news to you. Because you love him too. We two are his onlys - ever. But eventually, he can only have only one.

 

Do you know he never speaks badly of you? On the contrary, he respects and loves you dearly. You are the mother of his children; and in this respect particularly you are a true wonder to him.

 

Then why am I, the OW, in his life if he loves you so? How can he love us both? He loves you like a summer breeze; like cool, nurturing, soft, pleasant relief. And he loves me like a summer storm; wild, tempestuous, dark and quenching. Do you think that maybe he needs us both to be? But he cannot have us both. Not forever.

 

Do you miss him dreadfully when you are not with him? Do you need his company and his touch? Does every moment you are apart make you crave and want and love him all the more? Would you cry and despair if you knew of all the times that he has left you alone to be with me? The way I cry and despair when I am alone and he is with you?

 

I know I have his physical love exclusively. And I know the deepest desires, ambitions, secrets and recesses of his mind and soul. Would it be almost unbearable for you to know that he saves this for me? As almost unbearable as it is for me to know that he reserves every other relationship trapping for you? 'Couple' friends, public outings and ceremonies, holding hands in the street... While I am his confidant in the shadows, you walk with him in the light. I desperately want the brightness; do you also want the dark?

 

Does your heart skip a beat when you answer the phone, or receive a text or an email, and it's him? Mine does. Would you grieve if you knew of all the time he spends in contact, and with me? Would you hurt like I hurt when he goes into the other room and I hear his muffled conversations with you? Would your heart break like mine every time you heard the unmistakable pattern of the words 'I love you'?

 

Would you feel betrayed, like I feel betrayed? And so very sad and weary, if you knew you loved a man that loved you... but also loved another?

 

The night I went through his phone, he and I cried in each others' arms. And not for the first time, we cried as much for you as for we. Because somehow, some time, we know that someone will be hurt beyond the telling of it. And even though you've done nothing, I hope it is you. Just as if you knew, wouldn't you hope that it was me?

 

Although I know that as an OW I am much reviled by women such as you... Sometimes I think we are not so apart, you and I... With my 'us', and your 'us' and our 'him'. Our gorgeous, darling 'him'. Like all the other wives and other women, we share a man and a tragedy.

 

And our tragedy shares that inevitable thread.. our 'him' must not just choose, but embark upon a path to one of us. Eventually. Soon.

 

If you knew, would you tell me... Which path will it be? Or would you be scared, insecure, sleepless, waiting... endlessly wishing and hoping... and all the while still loving him despite yourself? Just like me.

 

Regards

 

The Other Woman

[ComingInHot]

SoIG,

CIH here & good morning*

I need to have a cup of coffee (w/a hint of hot chocolate ) first and then I'll respond.

[ComingInHot]

SoIG;

Response as The W;

Right now I am glad I don't know. I am happy. My M is happy. My family is happy. Our extended families are happy.

If/when I find out about you, I know I will fall apart inside. Everything I've ever done since the day I met my husband has been for him and our future.

When/if the A comes to light, my fear is how our children will deal w/the betrayal against them as well not mention the betrayal to his family and mine.

You & I DO agree he is a good man and I just know that when he looks at the destruction his A w/you has caused not just to me but Everyone who loves him, it will then destroy him. I believe you know this is true too because of his great love of his family and even though he is strong, his heart and the shame he will feel, will almost be too much to bare.

I can see the excitement he would feel w/you. He has always had an affinity for adventure. We used to do exciting things too. We still have such a beautiful love for each other, it makes my heart skip a beat every time he rolls over and says good morning and hold me as if it were our first morning together. I feel SO safe, love & protected in his arms.

And yes the sound of his voice still warms my heart when he calls just to tell. Me he loves me. If I am honest, the adventure of wild passion has wained and been replaced w/the adventure of building our legacy, his children and even though our moments are full of an intimacy that cannot be duplicated, the wild passion he is seeking and finding w/you, is not current between the two of us as it once was.

If I knew of you and our roles were reversed, I would demand a choice from him. You know how amazing he is and that you truly do Not want to share him. I would not share him, so he would need to choose.

I am his Wife though and he does love and adore me too and I am not in a position to defend or expound on the intimate physical nature of our bedroom life. You are, no WE are hurting enough already.

When the time comes for him to choose and if I know him, I believe he will choose me, his M and life and family/families .

I would never want you to hurt more than you do right now & please know that I am only answering your question/s as you have asked them. You know him too and w/that knowledge of him and his character, You may agree that you can see his choice most likely will be as I stated.

I will be hurt. I will want nothing more than to pray that death takes me to ease the pain. In time I will forgive him and then I will forgive you. I know why you love him because it's why I love him.

Should he by some chance choose you, I will feel the same and do the same.

You and I, we will both go on because we must.

His Wife

 

SoIG,

As CIH, if this MM's ONLY sin/flaw is his A w/you, then I truly am sorry for the situation you have chosen and the love you must have for this MM. If by some chance, he decides to break up everything he has built to be w/you, the road will still be wrought w/pain for years to come. Please know that I say this because it could be the reality for you and years of work, w/MM, his W (or exW at that point), finding your common ground w/her and your place in his children's lives as well as extended family's lives. It can be done and if he does go to you, be prepared*

I wish you well in this perilous journey of your heart,

[SolG]

Thank you very much CIH

 

I know it was absent from my letter, but I do feel remorse. Your voice as his W made my gut churn with guilt. And acknowledging their care for each other as you put it hurt incredibly. But still they seem such small emotions beside the enormity of what I feel for him. I wonder if other OW feel this way?

 

That was really, really hard to read. It is pretty much an echo of what my head already tells me. Your response as the W just rings so true. She's a lovely woman and she adores him. And he is as good a man as I painted, and this is hurting him immensely - the compromise of his values is difficult for him to bear.

 

We have talked about the difficulties that you write of should we end up together. We also talked of ensuring that our A was not ever 'outed'; and that our public relationship should evolve sometime after his separation. However, given his sincere fondness for his W and his great love for the children, it doesn't really look like a separation will ever eventuate.

 

You're absolutely right in that it is almost certain he will do the right thing and stay... and his wife will never know about me, and they'll all live happily ever after.

 

My mind knows all this. But my heart... it's still in denial. I'm weak and I'll stay (when I know it would be better for us all if I walked away) 'til the very last because I can't bear to miss even one of the seconds I have yet to share with him. I love him immensely. More than I ever thought it possible to love another that isn't your child. (I'm divorced with a young adult child of my own.) And I will forgive him, and wish he and his W well. I love him too much to do otherwise.

 

Soooo... It's kind of inevitable that my heart and I will break, and that I will never find another love like him.

 

But I'll put myself back together. Eventually. And as you say... I'll go on because I must. I hope.

 

Thank you for replying and helping me think through all that. I think it will help me survive what's to come.

[ThatJustHappened]

Oops..........

[ComingInHot]

SoIG,

I wish I could offer you more than the response I gave.

I don't want to give you false hope. It wouldn't be fair and I would say the same regardless of my experience.

I KNOW that no matter the outcome You WILL prevail!

You are after all the strongest creature on the planet. A woman*

[SolG]

Dear Wife

 

It's been a while. It's barely midday and I'm on my third vodka. So while I should probably be writing something at least potentially profitable, I find I feel the need to write to you.

 

Last night I went through your husband's phone; with his consent. He texts me, he texts you. He calls me, he calls you. He Skypes me, he Skypes you. Where do you end and I begin and vice versa?

 

He 'loves' you, but is 'in love' with me. I don't understand. Love is love is love. Is it not? Am I missing something?

 

Or is as nuanced as the obscure academic points he and I argue for hours that he puts in his paper that he ultimately emails to you for opinion? Is it as distinct as his three-letter pet acronmym for you as his three-letter pet acronym for me? Or is it the same as the shirt from his back with his scent that you sleep with for comfort... as the shirt he tosses to me with the expectation that I will do the same? Or that photo of mist on the lake at dawn that we both got within seconds of each other?

 

I am sure that you and other wives will call it sacrelidge... but I do not understand how your betrayal is any greater than mine. I envy you your ignorance and safety and surety in his love. I doubt it, I mourn it, I burn for it. Every second of every day.

 

You may be heartened to know that I am having trouble being intimate. He shares a week or two a month with me, and most weekends with you. (Due work commitments he lives away.) Thoughts of you intrude upon my desire and sweep it away - thoughts of your shared and open love.

 

I have invested years in your husband. As have you. Today I send him back to you. Hence vodka for breakfast, morning tea and elevensees... and probably afternoon tea and dinner as well.

 

You have not 'won'. I don't see this as a competition. But as a tradgedy as I previously wrote. I hope I am strong enough to stick to my convictions.

 

He will be home soon. I don't know if he will try to change my mind or not. Or maybe he is relieved that there is finally a resolution to the confusion of his soul?

 

I raise a drink to you. I wish you well. And I hope I survive this and move forward in strength. Here's to hope. For all of us.

 

The OW xoxo

Edited March 21, 2013 by SolG

[ComingInHot]

SoIg,

 

As MM's W....

 

Sorry SoIg, I can't do MM's W for you. I don't know.

I am REALLY concerned about you. You have been hurting for a looong time and I don't want you to Do any thing to harm yourself.

Please don't have a fourth cocktail****

 

Do you have Anyone? Anyone at all who can hold you?

Please be safe And if I were the MM's W and saw you right now in all of your messy, drunken heartbrokeness, I would probably throw your vodka glass at my H then grab you and hold you and sob w/you until I knew you would be safe.

I'd clean you up a bit, smile and leave.

I would NOT, however, revisit again in any way as We are women & it's no use pretending that we are weak.

 

So, SoIg, take a nap, Sober up, clean yourself up, put on your game face and keep your chin up, God Bless you SoIg!!

 

CIH*

[SolG]

Quick note for clarification. This time I went through his phone in detail. Excrutiating detail. As opposed to a quick scan. Ahhhhh. The pain :'(

[SolG]

Dear CIH

 

I just want to give you some assurance that I am... not fine... but ok.

 

I don't have many friends. And of the few I have, I cannot talk to then of this. I would imagine it is the same for wives? The insecurity on this topic and reticence to share?

 

I want to thank you sincerely. I am a writer. And coming here on the couple of occasions that I have has been very catharcic for me. To know that you are listening when I am not able/comfortable enough to find anyone else to do so.

 

It has been very important for me to share and be heard. You are an angel for providing this outlet.

 

I am good. And getting 'gooder'. And this is in part because of the avenue you have provided for me to vent and express and finally be heard.

 

And all this in spite of what you yourself have been through.

 

A toast to you as well CIH. I salute what you have done here for OW like me. It is a little piece of salvation in an otherwise hostile world.

 

Yep, I'm going to have a thumping headache! But I'm going to be just fine.

 

Thank you so very much.

 

SolG

[ComingInHot]

I'm humbled and honored by your words.

And you can message me anytime*

 

*Two Asprin

*Tall glass of water

* shot of tomato or V-eight (can't make numbers function work )

 

You are onto a better Life!

[ked198813]

Your husband and I have been friends for over a year. Just friends. Nothing more. I've spoke to him about my relationships, he's spoke to me about your relationship. We confided in each other. He said how unhappy he was, I sympathized. We grew together. He has always been a big flirt. When I finally was single and out of the last horrible relationship I was in, he messaged me on Facebook, which was not uncommon. I gave him my number and we've been texting ever since then. At first, it was nothing more than it was at work. I made it clear that I did not want to go down "this" road again. But, somehow I ended up giving in and 3 weeks later, here we are. He comes to my office, I go to his. We have kissed and held hands. No sex. Yet. He and I feel like it is best to wait, although he says he has not had sex with you in 3 weeks. How convenient is it that it's been since before we started talking? Granted, he and I have always talked as friends. He's talked about how unhappy he was and how he wanted a divorce from your 10 year marriage as soon as he was financially stable enough and graduated from college. We have not discussed where we are going, what we are doing. He just said more time means more feelings. He says he is unhappy at home and I understand that because I was in that situation last year. But, while I know the situation I am in once again, I still feel anger towards you. I am angry because you do not make him happy. I am angry because you do not clean the house, do laundry, cook dinner, or take care of the children. All of this is of course, according to him. You are more worried about smoking marijuana than anything else. I do feel anger towards him as well though when he starts a text conversation and then takes hours to reply after we have been texting for while. I'm angry and upset that he comes home to you even though I ache for him every night. I know I have no right to be upset with you because it's your marriage and your husband. But, he pursued me. I never went after him. I have never been a tempest and never will be. Will he ever leave you and be with me? I do not know. I know this is all over the place but a little down home punch and I got emotional.

[ComingInHot]

ked,

He is a Good friend isn't he.?.

My H always seems to know the right things to say. That is one of my favorite things about him.

I never thought he would use his gift of communication to develop a relationship w/you though.

My H has never said anything about you to me, so please understand my shock and dismay to read all of these cruel things he has said about me to you.

I wouldn't like me either if the things my H said to you were true. So, I can understand your anger towards me based on the things he's told you.

 

He Has been acting differently these past few weeks. He was irritated about the fact that I didn't have the house pristine or dinner ready for him when he got home from work, and now apparently, you.

I have been taking care of aging parents and coordinating end of life care and estate planning w/my siblings and to be honest, it's taken a toll on me and sometimes I don't get home until dinner time. And now my H has asked me to look into all of this for His parents too. So I am.

I was at the store getting new sports clothes for the children as they are growing So fast! I'm not versed in one of these sports so I got the wrong things and my H got lovely upset w/me. I tried to explain but he was (what I thought) exhausted from a long day at work. When I asked him to go w/me to get his expert help and education, he said something like, "great, now I have to do This Too!?"

It broke my heart.

Now I know why.

 

I don't wish you to be angry w/me. I don't even know you. I wish I could (kind of) talk to you but only so you could see for yourself that not Everything my H has told you is legitimate.

He really knows how to communicate though. Just can't believe he would take the truth and manipulate it to make the both of us feel however he Wants us to feel.

Just know this, I Love my H. I love Our children! I Love our family. I am Not Mary Poppins.I'm not perfect. But I am a good mother & wife & daughter.

Maybe you could get to the truth for both our sakes, since I (apparently) don't know about you A w/my H. If your letter reads the way I am interpreting it, you want my H right? But you do Not want to continue to be a mistress/OW? Then Please Tell him that if he wants to be w/you that he needs to D right away and do the Right thing by Me, our children, our families AND You before this blows up in ALL our faces.

I wish I knew the truth.

I wish you knew it too.

Lets find out*

Kindly,

MM's W

[GreySkyMorning]

CIH, I don't know how you ever find the strength to do this.

 

To MM W,

I never wanted to be in this place. Your H and I have a history that goes back about 19 years, long before he met you. We were in the same situation then, except I was the married one. We spent months hiding away spending secret moments when we could and I fell completely in love with him. I couldn't bring myself to tell him that then though and I wasn't strong enough to be honest with my then H. He tells me now, or told me, that now he shared the same feelings but wouldn't tell me for fear of breaking up my marriage and my son's home. So he simply left my life, walked away. I grieved for years. My marriage was never the same and even though I stayed with my H for 8 more years, I only loved and wanted to be with your husband. He disappeared without a word. I didnt know where he'd went and I searched for him in the corners of my vision for many years.

 

Two years ago, I found him on Facebook. I wish so much now that I'd kept my distance when I seen he was married. I honestly only messaged him to say hello and see what he was up to these days. That sting that I'd felt all those years had subsided and I truly never intended to renew a relationship with him. I agreed to meet him for a coke and to catch up. As soon as I seen him walk across the parking lot, every one of those old feelings came rushing back. He said he felt the same way. We ended up spending time together that afternoon and making love just like we had all those years ago.

 

Over the next couple months, we got together every chance we could. Those nights he was on overnight runs, he was actually staying in a hotel by my home and we were together. I only recall you coming up in conversation twice, once when he told me that you did love him, although he didnt know why, and that he loved you, and once when he said all he could give me was time together and that nothing we did would affect his marriage. I really was okay with just time. I knew I loved him and would take every second I could get, but I made myself believe it was just an affair and nothing more.

 

Then after two months, he told me he loved me, that he didn't want me with anyone else, and that he had thought he was happy but that had changed. From then on, he was the only man in my life. So many stolen moments we were able to share.

 

He met my children, he got closer to my son, he TEXTED my son. He showed such an interest in them. I knew that he had no birth children of his own and that he'd been a father to your son throughout your marriage. He talked about him all the time and was so proud of him and your grandson.

 

I knew what was happening was very wrong. I hated you for no reason at all except that he went home to you. When he mentioned that he'd given you flowers for valentines day, my blood boiled with pure jealousy. You got the flowers, the time, the space next to him in the bed every night, the evenings in front of the tv, the holidays, everything. I got a few hours a couple times a month. And I hated you for that. At the end, I even hated hearing anything about anyone in your family at all. He would send me pics of him and your grandson together and i would delete them without looking at them. I even blamed that child for taking him from me.

 

I tried to end it with him many times. I couldn't make myself do it. I missed him so much. I thought he was my best friend. We were in constant communication from waking up until falling asleep. No one has ever known as much about me as he does. I tried to shield myself from him. But he got mad at me, said he wanted a real relationship, and begged me to open up to him and share my secrets. I did, because i believed him when he said he loved me.

 

He told me that you were like roommates. He said there was no sexual contact, no affection, that you didnt care if he was there or not. I hated you more for treating him that way. One night when we were arguing, he told me that he'd had sex with you not too long before that. He said he was in a bad mood and you acted like you wanted it, so he gave in to try to fix his mood. I was heartbroken. A few days before, he'd looked me in the face and said you hadn't had sex for a year. He lied right to my face. Then he said he did it to protect my feelings and that he didn't want me to be hurt if i found out.

 

So much water under the bridge now. I don't know what he told you when you found out. Hr won't tell me. I messaged you with my name and contact info if you wanted any information, but I've never heard a word from you. information never really expected to.

 

If I'd had known where this would end up, i would never have looked up his name. I wish so much that i hadn't. I had a good life before all this. I was happy. I haven't been happy for two years now and i have a hard time imagining that i ever will again. I'll never see love the same way again and I know I've destroyed my ability to ever trust a man again. I cant even imagine what I've done to you.

 

I wish I could take it all back.

[ComingInHot]

Greskymorming, I believe my ability to respond the way that I do is because I empathize w/heartbreak and the pain of betrayal through the lies of an A. If I can can give comfort, only if for a moment, I feel I've made a difference. If I can help someone see an A situation from a different perspective, shed light on the possibility that there are completely different truths at play, to help another person make the best choices for their life, then again, I felt I have helped or made a difference.

It's people like you And me, who have done things we regret or have remorse for, or don't, that need to "let out" our true thoughts and feelings in order to let them go and move forward, that I am truly humbled to be a part of in that healing.

 

Believe it or not GreySky, from this thread, I myself, feel I have healed the most.

Thank You & all the other participants for That*

 

Give me a few minutes to put together my thoughts & I promise I'll respond "As MM's W" shortly.

[ComingInHot]

GreySkyMorning,

 

As MM's W:

 

It took everything I had to open and read your letter to me. I am So thankful I did.

I have spent the time since learning of my H's A w/you, trying to delete ALL evidence of the A & association to you there is. I though if I could just get rid of it all, then I could move on and my H could move on as if it never happened.

 

But that simply is not the reality of an A situation.

And it wasn't the truth.

 

Your letter opened the wound caused by my H's infidelity and actually caused even More pain than I ever imagined I could sustain. NOT 'because' of You but because now I know my H did NOT give me anything near the truth!!

I don't know if everything in your letter is the truth either but there are things that I know are, and that's enough for me to infer Your sincerity and my H's lies.

 

My H completely minimized his time & relationship w/you. He said you were just an old high school friend and you "got together" Years ago to realize the two of weren't a good fit. He said you found him on FB and kept in touch after that as friends. When the A itself came out, he told me that it was just recently after being friends the last few years and because he was looking for a little adventure in his life as were you.

He also said that he ended it right after I found out realizing how foolish he had been.

Is that even true?! I just don't know!!

 

After reading your letter, I was able to know what to look for as far as evidence in the history of our receipts and phone logs etc...

I just want you to know that I gathered what concurred w/what you wrote and confronted him w/it . More like attacked him w/it...

 

He was absolutely mortified and tried the defensive/angry tactic, then trying to blame it All on you to finally sobbing then quietly taking responsibility.

I SCREAMED at him for allowing some woman to hate me based on his lies. I SCREAMED at him that he dared blame a woman he took advantage of to take the fall!! I SCREAMED, CRIED, RAGED at him for the damage he has done to me, our family And to you (willing or not that you were).

I cannot believe he had you hating me for lies, for things beyond my control. I can understand you hating me for being his W and w/him when you want to be. That is something I can't help but I do understand now that I am getting the truth.

 

I don't want to go into the sex part of our M, please know that he was NOT honest w/you about it at all.

 

I want you to know that my heart is breaking right along w/yours! I am truly devestated that he has done this to both of us.

Right now he is in M saving mode, as am I. We are not so young anymore and I don't know if I am willing to start over through a D. I also don't know if I am strong enough to stay w/this man either.

What I DO know is that I would have never been able to make an honest choice about my life w/out your letter.

So I thank you. Thank you for having the courage to write me. Thank you for moving forward w/out my H in your life. Thank you for your apology.

One day your mornings will hot be so grey. Neither will mine*

 

Kindly,

The Wife*

What I DO know that I wasn't able

[ked198813]

ked,

He is a Good friend isn't he.?.

My H always seems to know the right things to say. That is one of my favorite things about him.

I never thought he would use his gift of communication to develop a relationship w/you though.

My H has never said anything about you to me, so please understand my shock and dismay to read all of these cruel things he has said about me to you.

I wouldn't like me either if the things my H said to you were true. So, I can understand your anger towards me based on the things he's told you.

 

He Has been acting differently these past few weeks. He was irritated about the fact that I didn't have the house pristine or dinner ready for him when he got home from work, and now apparently, you.

I have been taking care of aging parents and coordinating end of life care and estate planning w/my siblings and to be honest, it's taken a toll on me and sometimes I don't get home until dinner time. And now my H has asked me to look into all of this for His parents too. So I am.

I was at the store getting new sports clothes for the children as they are growing So fast! I'm not versed in one of these sports so I got the wrong things and my H got lovely upset w/me. I tried to explain but he was (what I thought) exhausted from a long day at work. When I asked him to go w/me to get his expert help and education, he said something like, "great, now I have to do This Too!?"

It broke my heart.

Now I know why.

 

I don't wish you to be angry w/me. I don't even know you. I wish I could (kind of) talk to you but only so you could see for yourself that not Everything my H has told you is legitimate.

He really knows how to communicate though. Just can't believe he would take the truth and manipulate it to make the both of us feel however he Wants us to feel.

Just know this, I Love my H. I love Our children! I Love our family. I am Not Mary Poppins.I'm not perfect. But I am a good mother & wife & daughter.

Maybe you could get to the truth for both our sakes, since I (apparently) don't know about you A w/my H. If your letter reads the way I am interpreting it, you want my H right? But you do Not want to continue to be a mistress/OW? Then Please Tell him that if he wants to be w/you that he needs to D right away and do the Right thing by Me, our children, our families AND You before this blows up in ALL our faces.

I wish I knew the truth.

I wish you knew it too.

Lets find out*

Kindly,

MM's W

 

He is a good friend. I know you know nothing about me. He is very sneaky that way, which I know is not a good thing for either of us. He says you smoke with your father and brother, your mother isn't in the picture. He cleans the house, laundry, and cooks dinner. He texts pictures of him cooking nightly usually. The children are nearly grown though. Yes, I want your H. I know the A isn't right but I can't help who I have fallen for. I resisted for a long time. It just kind of happened. He came over this morning while you were at work and we talked about things. He is graduating this August and plans to get a d. He has a plan. I told him that I could not continue for much longer, even though this part of our relationship has been short, without him getting the d. I never thought I'd be in an EMR/A. I never pictured myself as the ow. It's not the life I intended to have. He told me today that he cares about me a lot and does not want to hurt me. I don't want him to hurt you either, or the children for that matter. I was the child in this situation growing up and I know how it feels. I think that is part of the guilt that is hanging over my head. I wish that we could (kind of) talk as well. I know that if that happened you would probably scream at me and call me names, which isn't fair. But, what is going on in this A isn't fair to you either. I would like to speak to you to know what is and is not true. But, who knows if either of you would tell me the honest truth. Being in an EMR/A is hard for the ow and the w. I am sorry that this has happened. I love your H. It's been there from the beginning but I resisted. I cannot any longer. I cannot be "just his friend" because I want more. So, it's all or nothing I suppose. I hope that this roller coaster ends before anyone gets hurt. He needs to let one of us go.

[aj72]

I know now that H was never completely upfront to you with his connection (and chemistry) with me (even though you know about me and have an open marriage with him). I have known all along that he loves you and you come first in his life (which is fitting as you are his better half), but please allow me time in his life as well. He has become important to me, more so than I expected him to become when we first met and became friends. I honestly expected his relationship with me to be a friend with benefits on occasion. It was all I was looking for at the time. He claims (as I have grown into realizing on my side as well) that he doesn't want to give me up as he has all the others in the past. He says he is very fond of me. So I ask, will you allow me time with him that he doesn't have to hide now that you know our true connection?

 

I promise though, that if you do ask me to give him up, I will. I never want to come between what you two have. I will go back to just being his friend, even though I will die a little inside everyday I have to work with him and just be his friend.

 

--aj

[ComingInHot]

aj72,

As MM's W;

My H and I have what most would consider a unique relationship...

I Do know of you. I do not take offense of the pleasure you bring my H. It's part of why he loves me so much & what keeps our M "alive".

Unfortunately one of the "side-affects" to a sexual relationship, no matter how honest w/all parties, emotions/feelings can develop. I knew this going in that the possibility of the partners to develop feelings was very likely. I know that I've allowed, if not encouraged, the feelings of others to grow if I've felt the sex was mind-blowing enough to not want things to end when they probably should have. It is because of the honest open communication between my H & me that we are always able to remember that we belong together and daily choose each other.

I am a little surprised that he allowed a co-worker to get attached but we have talked about it and he has assured me that when the time comes, he will handle you w/care and respect. I ask you do the same.

I will not leave my H and M. I am truly sorry that things have gone further for you than intended. I can see how as he's an amazing man and lover. Take care of yourself and guard your heart wisely,

 

Sincerely,

MM's Wife

 

aj,

This was definitely out of my realm but if things are really on the up-n-up I imagine it could go something like above.

I also think that if things are "open", neither of them would be opposed to speaking w/you together. With your heart involved, maybe a face to face To face is in order*

All my best,

CIH*