I'm YOUR MM's Wife!!

[ComingInHot]

sparkly;

Ha. No pressure, just please remember I am not really her. I can catch a glimpse of who she may be from my own experience and from how you describe her but my responses are as sincere as I am w/out her uncontrollable urges to lash out like a mamma bear protecting her cubs and territory. Believe me I've had to swallow my own vile anger at the OW, but I did & I'm SO happy for that.

I'll be back in a few to respond! Hubby and I always tuck our kids in together & say prayers w/them. Back in a bit*

[ComingInHot]

Sparkly;

I do know about you but I do not not Know you. I would only like to ask that same respect in return.

Maybe it's the age difference and life experiences that makes me appear So different from you in your eyes. I can understand that but please understand that what you see isn't always what is. And what you hear isn't always the truth.

We are not so different, you and I. I mean we fell in love with the same man didn't we. And I would dare you to find ANY woman on this planet who doesn't find something about herself she doesn't like.

I may appear to you as aloof, cold, uncaring and unaffectionate but I don't have a choice , in public to break down, let my mascara run from the unending flow of tears. I can't even let my guard down at home as I Must be strong for my children as well. It is only in the wee hours of night that I silently step down to a cold dark corner of my house and allow my bleeding heart to flow through the river of silent tears that roll down my flushed cheeks.

I would love to let you get to know the REAL me so that you could determine for yourself w/out the twisted influence of my husband what kind of a woman, wife and mother I really am. But for now it is just not possible . My heartbreak, anger and emotions are too raw right now. Not at you, contrary to what you've been told, but at my husband. Unfortunately, I do feel you as a great threat to all I hold dear and have created w/my husband who to this very moment is begging me for a second chance, so I don't trust myself or my reaction to you to offer you anything more than what my husband has already told you about me. Maybe that is exactly what he is hoping for so you continue to see him how he wants you to. But someday when all this is over, regardless of the outcome, we will cross paths and have ourselves a real nice chat. Maybe. Someday. Ya, I might like that...*

[ComingInHot]

Lady Grey;

Can I ask a question before I even attempt a reply?

Is he rich?

[Sparkly24]

Thank you for that CIH. This is my first time at this forum. I know your not really her but I think there was a lot of pent up emotions against her which came out. This time last week I was all exciting because I was going to be seeing him for the second time. I had planned my outfit and everything. 7 days later and I have lost him and I have not had to face heartbreak in a long time so I am finding it unbearable. But reading all of this helps make me face the truth. Of course he will be telling her something different. Of course what he has told me might not be the truth. Of course there was never any future for us, no matter how brilliant he made me feel. Its far better for me to be in pain like this now than to get into something too deep and not be able to get out of it later on. Your response really helped me. Thanks xxx

[Summer Breeze]

That's not what it's about j'adore. At least in my opinion. It's an opportunity for OW to see the other side firsthand. I also think it's just as important it's allowing OW to be very open and honest about what MM say to them. I'm sure it's as eye opening for some BS who are in denial, just as it is for some OW who are. Writing is a calming activity and CIH has created a little haven in this thread for anyone to do so. I don't think she's asking anyone to beg for forgiveness. I don't require forgiveness and I didn't ask for it. I was honest in where I am with DMMs XW and what I'd like to say to her though.

 

I want to thank not only CIH for hosting this thread but for all posters for not lashing out or disrupting the flow of it.

Edited December 11, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Summer Breeze]

Summer Breeze;

Wow. I felt I was doing pretty good just addressing and responding to the letters from OW's as their wife but now I read your post. It really touched me.

Instead of responding as the exBS I think I will just say that if enough time as passed for her and you know or get the feeling that she is in a better place, then go ahead and share with her exactly what you did here. I hope her response will be what mine would have had I replied in her stead, and that is although there was love and children it just wasn't enough.

I am sure she was enough and I am sure you are enough what I am worried about is, is he enough?

Thanks again for making this thread great!

 

DMM knows I'm active in a couple of forums but I'd never shared this place with him. Last night I read to him what I wrote. We had quite an emotional time over that. I then read him your response CIH and I saw him crumble. This probably sounds awful but I left him in his emotional heap and went home. Something in me knew he needed this to grasp exactly what he had done. Even in counselling I could see him staying on the periphery of the realization. It was like he'd dip his toes and when it was too cold he'd retract. I think he went in the water last night.

[ComingInHot]

Lady Grey;

Lol!! It was the only thing I could think that would make staying w/this man even a little worth it. He must be a real charmer...

 

Attempted reply as Wife: (it's a stretch though )

 

I do hear very word you are saying and I agree you on pretty much everything. I think the bottom line is, I would rather have Someone than be alone. And the thought of being alone for even a moment terrifies me. I know. What does that say about me?! My greatest fear is that I choose to leave my husband only to find out nobody else wants me. There are times I dream of a life w/out him but there is always another in his place. Then, I wake up to my reality and stay where I am. It is really pathetic, I know.

 

Lady Grey, it made me throw up in my mouth to even right this as I can't imagine the unhealthy life your MM's wife has chosen. I am SO happy you are free & strong & able to help others through your experience!

[ComingInHot]

I glanced at this thread this morning and swear I saw a couple of other posts! I believe one was questioning my intention behind this thread.

I just want to clarify again that I am NOT baiting ANYONE for an apology. I am sincere in saying that this thread is only a safe place to share your heart and mind and get a response (accurate or not*) that is non confrontive nor judgmental. There are Plenty of topic threads here for that and they are just as important!

 

I also would like all who have responded to know how much you have helped Me! A lot of my responses include me tapping in to and examining myself and things I didn't even know I struggled with. Thank you again for keeping this thread respectful and PLEASE don't let one or two posters scare you off or demean the purpose of this thread! I am so sorry if any of the off color comments hurt any of you in any way. It certainly hurt my feelings.

But I'm over it now*

[ComingInHot]

Sparkly;

Thank you for your kindness towards me. And let me remind you that whether or not I agree w/your choices has absolutely NO bearing on how real your pain is or your affection for this man! I am definitely a happy ending girl and I hurt when I see other women hurting and they feel they have found their love only to have lost it.

It isn't fair. Not for anyone.

If you haven't maybe start a thread about your situation. There are a -lot of great women here (and men) who will know exactly what you are going through and need to do for yourself. It will give you some peace, I think, to know you are not alone. It did me*

You have my very sincere best wishes no matter what happens. You Will have your happily ever after!!

[wanting more]

I've written and thrown away and re-written this letter many times.* Not sure you'll even read it as with the last 2 I sent you said you wouldn't read but just forwarded to xMM, which I know you saw I had copied him on it also. (even though in some of the comments you sent me and my BS it was obvious you had read at least one of them)

 

You continue to say you are working on your marriage and I do understand that,* you've been married for a long time and obviously love him and want to be married to him.

 

I'm confused though why do you keep texting my BS? I've heard the conversations and read the text.* There is nothing you've told my BS that he didn't already know.* I've answered all of his questions about the A, and he's got more details than you and you know that.* If my BS tells you something you don't know, or xMM had really down played, you then respond "it doesn't matter" but you keep texting.

 

I know in the beginning it was something you both needed,* to know that each of you had the details of the A, but over time you've heard more than you ever wanted.* You still try and make me out to be the "desperate woman" who chased after your H and did everything I could to get him to cheat on you, and he was just the innocent by stander who got caught up in my "spell".*** The things you've told my BS are completely unbelieveable,* even my BS told you that.* It's obvious you don't want to know how involved xMM was with me and ok,* I get it, but the continued text and blame is not helping anyone,* you or my BS.* I'd prefer you to just text me and leave BS out of it now.* I understand your feelings of hate towards me,* I deserve them for what I did, how involved I was with xMM.* But it just seems you're going on and on with the blame entirely on me and its not doing any good for you.*

 

You had sent me a text that I was never to contact xMM again,* I can promise you that will never happen.* The only time since d-day I contacted xMM was when I emailed you and copied him about my BS finding out and wanting to talk to you,* I then called xMM same day a few hours later to make sure you had read the email and asked if you could text me because I know my BS was really upset and was adament on talking to you.*

 

There are 2 sides to xMM.* obviously the one you know and love,* then there;s the one I thought I knew and loved.* I've thought back to the times the A was going on trying to see if maybe I was forcing him into this.* But I don't see that.* Yes I knew he was married,* yes I take full responsibility for my part in the A.* I will never be able to say I'm sorry enough to you or my BS.* But xMM was in the A because he wanted to be.* I know he's convinced you that I threatened to tell you we were still seeing each other,* but I never did that,* I was happy at the time,* I thought he really loved me,* I wanted to be with him and he constantly told me he wanted to be with me.* The man I thought I loved and loved me was nothing more than a lie,* everything we had was a lie.* I often sit and wonder how could I have believed half of what he said to me, but I did.* There were many many hours of us just sitting and talking.* He's talked alot of your kids and grandkids, everyday things.* I will say he never said anything bad about you,* we never talked about you

 

The 1st email I sent you after the 2nd d-day was my sincere apology for what I had done,* I'd also given examples and proof of how involved xMM was,* you never responded.* The 2nd email was asking you to stop the text and emails to me and my BS.* You had sent well over 100 to him, once again with things xMM had told you about me and I guess you were trying to convince my BS I was lying.* Once again I sent more proof, you said xMM never paid for ONE thing for me,* I sent emails from him with trips he'd booked and paid for,* I sent places we'd eaten that I know he used his credit card to pay for,* stores we'd shopped at that he paid for, text he'd sent me with all the I Love You's and I miss you's.

*

I am very sorry for the hurt I've caused everyone in this.* This was a thoughtless mistake, and one I've learned from that I will never get into this situation again.* But I am asking you to stop with the text and emails.* Work on your marriage if that's what you want.* But you need to hold xMM responsible for his part in this mess.*

 

*

[wanting more]

This is a great thread.

[suki1]

Thank you ComingInHot I really appreciate what you've done in creating this thread and responding to me

 

 

 

As a BS, that promise would mean the world to me.

 

That was a beautiful and very sincere apology, much like my husband's OW gave to me. I then wished her peace and happiness and forgave her.

 

Also thank you Bringontherain, your response also helps a great deal. Not only was I and I'm sure others expecting a public flogging from BS's on here, but also it is really good to hear that things similar to what I've said have been received well elsewhere. Not that I'll ever be contacting her. No sense in that 2 years on when she never knew at the time

[skylarblue]

I know it won't change or fix what has been done, but I am sorry for my participation in your H's A. I really don't know where to start since he has convinced you of something that couldn't be further from the truth. I am torn between letting you know any truths. I still feel loyal to him and wouldn't want to betray him in that way. However, I wonder if you knowing is best. Yes, you deserve to know, but I really feel that the truth would be so devastating your M would not be able to survive nor would your spirit. I believe your M is happy now. I believe it was before the A. I know my presence is what caused the changes in your M/H despite him saying otherwise, and I genuinely don't want to do any more damage than I already have. I don't think I'd ever tell you even this information IRL for the previously mentioned reasons, but there are things that I would like you to know about the A.

 

It was not the one time, non-physical discretion that he described. It was a 7yr PA that turned EA also after many years. He met me at his work. I didn't work there nor did I know him before we met. We met indirectly through a friend, clicked, and things went from there. He didn't spend tons of money on me or wine and dine or stuff like that. I wasn't introduced into his personal or professional realm and never had contact with your children. Although, we discussed the idea of him not being with you, we never considered him leaving you as an option nor did I expect, want, or ask him to. I never believed you were the horrible W that he claimed or it was a horrible M that led him to cheat. I don't know why out of everything that's happened those are the things I think you should know. Maybe I feel they provide a little relief than cause more damage. At very least I felt you deserved to know the real who, how, and how long.

 

I don't have good reason for having an A with him (not that any reason is good). I found him attractive and didn't notice (he never mentioned) his marital status until after our conversations and me giving him my number. However, instead of deterring me, it attracted me more than I was initially and TBH the fact that he was married to you is why it progressed to years instead of a few encounters. It wasn't you personally. You could've been anyone. I didn't care about who or how you were. I only cared about what role you played, the W. You see, the moment I found out he was married, it became all about you. Being able to up you, to have your H disregard you, to get him to think how much better I was than you and the more I could feel like I was destroying you and your M, the greater was my mental and sexual gratification, the greater the ego boost, the better I felt about my self-worth. I don't know why I was that way, but I was. I'm sorry you had to be a victim of my character flaw.

 

I never disillusioned myself into thinking you and your family weren't his top priority. I knew it would always have to be that way if I wanted to see him. I was willing to accept it and continue to overlook so many things I never would've or have accepted from anyone else only if he would've shown me that I was as important to him as he claims you were not. Don't get me wrong. I know he loved me and he put his M on the line for me time after time through multiple divorce threats and ultimatums from you, but in the end I don't feel his love for and commitment to me was as substantial as his held towards you simply because I would've seen it in his actions. There wouldn't have been such disproportions between his R with you and his R with me. It was just to little for me for all I was giving to continue so I left him, and honestly I'm glad that I did. For once I put my happiness ahead of his and felt much more respect about myself by not being involved with him.

 

I don't know you, but I think I know your H very well, better than you do I believe. It has nothing to do with love or M or priority or intimacy. I really don't think you know the true him. Your H has so many sides that you have no idea of. Even the ones you are aware of you have no clue to what depth. I know you may beg to differ, but you don't know what I know. I actually think many things were very similar between your and my relationship with him because of his personality trait. I just think I recognize things more in him then you and I've also had the benefits of seeing how he relates to you through your phone and relayed conversations and how he puts these traits in action with you. I knew, but just ignored it and dealt with it. Kinda the "just shut up and take it" attitude I believe you needed to have during the A. I characterized you as weak and stupid. I no longer see you as either. Maybe you were just doing as I did.

 

Throughout the A, I've felt many things for you: indifference, guilt, vindictiveness, pity, envy, ill-will, hate. I used to wish your H would never find satisfaction in you again the rest of your M, and even as I write this the fact that I'd wished that for you saddens me. You didn't deserve to be cheated on, and I had no right to do what I've done. I know it may be no consolation, but I'm not the same person that I described when seeing your H. I'm not the type of person that would see anyone's H any more because I don't need that type of validation. I'm better than that, and I'm better than doing that to someone else.

 

Again, I am very sorry for all I've done and all you've had to endure on my part. I hope you find happiness despite what has happened even greater than before.

[ComingInHot]

WantingMore;

 

If you probably haven't guessed by now, I am not very good at dealing with my emotions. It is probably one of the things that I contributed to the detriment of our marriage.

From where I stand and with the rage and hurt I feel, I believe you are getting off easy. I feel it was your purpose to intrude and make a mockery of my life and marriage and distract my husband's affections from me so now it is my duty to make sure you feel the same pain.

It's wrong, I know. My energy should be spent on repairing my marriage and if anything, make my husband pay because HE is the one who stepped out on our marriage. He is the one who lied, cheated and stole from our family and me. My problem is I love him which means I don't feel I can truly take my anger out on him as I want to repair things. I don't love you which means (and as ComingInHot I totally disagree with this) it is easy to make you the only villain whom I feel I must punish.

Part of me is trying to make your BS step out on you and treat you the way my husband treated me during your affair so that you can then and only then hurt as much as I do.

But from reading your letter to me, I can, for the first time see that you are a woman who let herself love someone other than her own husband to try and get something that you were severely being deprived of. I wouldn't want my children to be in a relationship left needing to feel loved and cherished and sexy from their partner. Looking at from that perspective finally gives me empathy towards you which I think is the only thing to help me move past this.

I realize now that you ARE hurting maybe differently than me but hurting just the same. As a matter of fact, I can actually see that your pain may be greater than my own in all of this. No One should have to hurt like we are! And I finally realize at this moment that the only way the hurt will even begin to go away is for me to truly let go of my feelings of vengeance towards you. To NOT take out my frustration on you every time I picture the evidence you shared with me. To Not continually remind your BS of your past behavior every time I am reminded of it.

Why? Because it IS PAST and you are right, we need to keep it that way. In the past.

You did apologize to me and at the time it wasn't good enough. But it should have been. It is now and I accept and forgive you. I hope you can forgive me for continuously intruding on your life too.

 

Wanting More: This was tricky because I can totally see why the MM's wife is doing what she is doing. Her feelings are very real and validated BUT her actions are Not. I feel badly that you are continually being hit with this. It makes it hard for you, your husband, her and her husband to move forward. She probably doesn't see this right now but I hope she does soon, for her sake and for the sake of her marriage. Your writing speaks volumes of your character and how strong you are and how happy your are and are going to be*

[ComingInHot]

Skylarblue and any others that come over...

I need a little bit before I can respond BUT I will respond!

I am a bit overwhelmed at the moment. I thought it might be difficult when I started this thread but I had No idea how hard it really would be. I never thought my heart would be so completely torn down the middle like it is right now. I threw out my one-sided objectivity after reading the very first post.

I just need minute or so. thanks*

[nofool4u]

Now BS's I'm going out on a limb & would like to ask that any responses that you have be mild in comparison. I don't want anyone here to feel ambushed.

 

I think as long as this isn't an opportunity to run down the BS or BS's in general, you should be fine.

 

If you don't want anyone to feel ambushed, that should go for the BS's as well, of which you are potentially inviting venom against.

[ComingInHot]

Skylar;

If I knew all of this about you, my husband, the affair, your very personal feelings of competition against me, I am not sure quite how I would react honestly.

I am sure my cuts would run deep. I am certain that seven years of you trying to "best" me in every way would be met head on and it would get uglier than you or I could ever imagine. Think about it, two scorned, emotionally unstable women looking for some stage time to prove whose best?! And each extremely creative in their own way? To me that is scary on a nuclear level! I don't think it matters if I found out during or after the affair because my reaction would be in the present while you and my husband have gotten on w/your lives.

I think once the fallout from our head to head / hand to hand confrontation was over, the words from your letter would sink in and placate me from ensuing more damage upon you. What I mean is, you wrote that the minute you found out he was married it became All About Me, being better, prettier, smarter, trying to convince both yourself & my husband of this. You felt these emotions and took action on these emotions for SEVEN YEARS!! That is a loooong time to try an best the competition knowing (as you wrote) that the outcome was inevitable. I think if I could separate my emotions I could honestly say I'm flattered. To try and comprehend how and why is out my grasp. Seven Years you felt this way about me?!?! I guess I've just never found myself to be that interesting.

If I knew all of this today, I'm afraid it would only feel like the last final attempt at besting the competition. Only You will have done so by breaking me because at this point I don't know. There is not an affair, and husband and I are happy after working out our problems from years before. But please know that I am not the person you think you know just as you are no longer that girl who took action on her emotions to ruin my marriage . Time, if we get enough of it, has a way of letting us change our future by examining the past and making each day we are given a present, to ourselves and others**.

[ComingInHot]

no fool;

I think if you read some of these letters, we are "so far so good" on your comment.

The last post I just answered was a bit harsh but it was her true heart expressing how and what she was feeling & thinking. It sounds like she was just as upset by her mind and soul at that time as She typed out her post, as I was trying to receive it as if I were her MM's W. And that post was real! So far all I've read is a whole lot of genuiness.

 

The moderators have been cool on this thread too which I appreciate.

 

Please know that the moment this thread goes into BS bashing mode, I'm out! I mean I AM a BW after all *

 

I will however nofool be careful and if I miss something, I ask that you bring it up. Anyone can. It's still an "open" for response thread

[whichwayisup]

This thread is honest and full of regret and pain. All directed at each persons BS to whom they are writing to. It isn't a thread to bash any BS's on here, it's a theraputic, helpful and respectful thread. I hope it keeps going this way.

 

Each of you are wiser and stronger after learning from your mistakes.

[Snowflower]

I know it won't change or fix what has been done, but I am sorry for my participation in your H's A. I really don't know where to start since he has convinced you of something that couldn't be further from the truth. I am torn between letting you know any truths. I still feel loyal to him and wouldn't want to betray him in that way. However, I wonder if you knowing is best. Yes, you deserve to know, but I really feel that the truth would be so devastating your M would not be able to survive nor would your spirit. I believe your M is happy now. I believe it was before the A. I know my presence is what caused the changes in your M/H despite him saying otherwise, and I genuinely don't want to do any more damage than I already have. I don't think I'd ever tell you even this information IRL for the previously mentioned reasons, but there are things that I would like you to know about the A.

 

It was not the one time, non-physical discretion that he described. It was a 7yr PA that turned EA also after many years. He met me at his work. I didn't work there nor did I know him before we met. We met indirectly through a friend, clicked, and things went from there. He didn't spend tons of money on me or wine and dine or stuff like that. I wasn't introduced into his personal or professional realm and never had contact with your children. Although, we discussed the idea of him not being with you, we never considered him leaving you as an option nor did I expect, want, or ask him to. I never believed you were the horrible W that he claimed or it was a horrible M that led him to cheat. I don't know why out of everything that's happened those are the things I think you should know. Maybe I feel they provide a little relief than cause more damage. At very least I felt you deserved to know the real who, how, and how long.

 

I don't have good reason for having an A with him (not that any reason is good). I found him attractive and didn't notice (he never mentioned) his marital status until after our conversations and me giving him my number. However, instead of deterring me, it attracted me more than I was initially and TBH the fact that he was married to you is why it progressed to years instead of a few encounters. It wasn't you personally. You could've been anyone. I didn't care about who or how you were. I only cared about what role you played, the W. You see, the moment I found out he was married, it became all about you. Being able to up you, to have your H disregard you, to get him to think how much better I was than you and the more I could feel like I was destroying you and your M, the greater was my mental and sexual gratification, the greater the ego boost, the better I felt about my self-worth. I don't know why I was that way, but I was. I'm sorry you had to be a victim of my character flaw.

 

I never disillusioned myself into thinking you and your family weren't his top priority. I knew it would always have to be that way if I wanted to see him. I was willing to accept it and continue to overlook so many things I never would've or have accepted from anyone else only if he would've shown me that I was as important to him as he claims you were not. Don't get me wrong. I know he loved me and he put his M on the line for me time after time through multiple divorce threats and ultimatums from you, but in the end I don't feel his love for and commitment to me was as substantial as his held towards you simply because I would've seen it in his actions. There wouldn't have been such disproportions between his R with you and his R with me. It was just to little for me for all I was giving to continue so I left him, and honestly I'm glad that I did. For once I put my happiness ahead of his and felt much more respect about myself by not being involved with him.

 

I don't know you, but I think I know your H very well, better than you do I believe. It has nothing to do with love or M or priority or intimacy. I really don't think you know the true him. Your H has so many sides that you have no idea of. Even the ones you are aware of you have no clue to what depth. I know you may beg to differ, but you don't know what I know. I actually think many things were very similar between your and my relationship with him because of his personality trait. I just think I recognize things more in him then you and I've also had the benefits of seeing how he relates to you through your phone and relayed conversations and how he puts these traits in action with you. I knew, but just ignored it and dealt with it. Kinda the "just shut up and take it" attitude I believe you needed to have during the A. I characterized you as weak and stupid. I no longer see you as either. Maybe you were just doing as I did.

 

Throughout the A, I've felt many things for you: indifference, guilt, vindictiveness, pity, envy, ill-will, hate. I used to wish your H would never find satisfaction in you again the rest of your M, and even as I write this the fact that I'd wished that for you saddens me. You didn't deserve to be cheated on, and I had no right to do what I've done. I know it may be no consolation, but I'm not the same person that I described when seeing your H. I'm not the type of person that would see anyone's H any more because I don't need that type of validation. I'm better than that, and I'm better than doing that to someone else.

 

Again, I am very sorry for all I've done and all you've had to endure on my part. I hope you find happiness despite what has happened even greater than before.

 

re: the bolded...

 

Hi Skylar, this will sound funny coming from someone who was a BW at one point but I always liked your honesty. I've been around here for a few years now and I have always remembered the brutal, yes sometimes harsh honesty in your posts. I have always wished you would post more! You were always frank about your feelings about your MM wife but yet you never seemed to extend that to any of the BW here.

 

Anyway, I liked your post; I usually always like your posts! I'm past most of my issues/feelings about the xOW in my situation--except that she did contact my husband several times this past summer, nearly 4 years after the A had ended. I was seriously ticked and it renewed my LS habit somewhat. But yeah, I can read this thread without it stirring up a whole lot of feelings in me.

 

Anyway, thank you for your thoughts and to all the women here who so thoughtfully contributed.

[waterwoman]

LS is an amazing place.

 

I have finally managed to put all the anger I felt in the right place(H) and lose all my anger at OW. I would actually like to give her a hug and say 'no hard feelings, I am sorry you were hurt too, hope life gets better and better for you'. Having said that I am not sure she wouldn't run a mile

[cocorico]

Coco;

I have to get to work but I will respond as soon as I can. Yours will take some thought as I have to REALY remove myself from the response because of what I have read from your posts as well as your "to the W" comment makes me think differently regarding your situation. Bear w/me. I'll get to it.

 

No problem.

 

It's a really good thread, thank you for posting it. It made me think long and hard about what I would actually say to her if I had a safe, contained space to speak to her. I don't really expect any answers from her, nor does she owe me any, but I suppose some understanding would be helpful, particularly in helping the kids make sense of things.

 

I suppose some glimmer of understanding might seed a starting point from which to relate. Right now I just feel there is absolutely no poi t of intersection anywhere, she is a completely closed book to me, I can't begin to understand her. And with no basis for understanding, how can there be empathy?

[ComingInHot]

Coco;

I wish I had an answer for you that would offer you a way of having empathy for this woman. I don't. It would make core a good thread topic though*

For me, I tend to be created of empathy and can usually find it even in the darkest of places. But again that's just how I'm wired.*

[cocorico]

LS is an amazing place.

 

I have finally managed to put all the anger I felt in the right place(H) and lose all my anger at OW. I would actually like to give her a hug and say 'no hard feelings, I am sorry you were hurt too, hope life gets better and better for you'. Having said that I am not sure she wouldn't run a mile

 

I think for many people it has been a very valuable thread. It has helped to imagine oneself into the position of another, to develop and practise empathy, and to connect as individuals beyond labels. It has also helped to separate out feelings that often get provoked defensively and get associated with groups. What someone may feel towards their particular BS / OW /WS is not necessarily what they feel toward all BS / OW / WS, or even particular BS / OW / WS that may trigger them or get under their skin in a particular way on LS, and I think this thread has helped to clarify that quite helpfully.

 

It has also helped those who *have* found points of intersection with their own situation (or those in it) in some ways, whether obvious or not, and has helped address the myth that "all (group) think this".

 

It's probably a useful thread to pin, for this section.

[erdz8011]

I never knew you, your name or what you looked like. So I guess that made it a faceless crime. All I know is that right now, I'm jealous. I wish I were, because you have him.