I'm YOUR MM's Wife!!

[ComingInHot]

Soni;

I apologize here as I don't know your story. Do you work at the strip club mm was lying to his wife to go to?*

[BrokenPrincess]

EhHem... He TOLD you that?!?! I guess I shouldn't be surprised at anything at this point but the truth is this... I really don't like his facial hair BUT I love him, so the facial hair never kept me from his lips. I hate that he took some THING that truly meant so little and then twisted it w/an absolute lie and gave it to you on a Tiffany's silver platter!

 

LOL thanks CIH, I mean xMM's W. He WAS supporting No-Shave November (and stretched it into December) but I was a little incredulous that you'd make it through all those holidays with no smooching. During one of our visits this summer, he let his beard grow out so I could see it in real life (sexy!) before he shaved it for work meetings the next day. While experiencing my first time with a bearded man, he told me that it was "all mine"...that no one else had ever kissed him bearded.

 

This was one of the very few times he ever alluded to your intimate relationship, and I questioned him a few times, but no, he insisted, he was a beard kissing virgin!

 

Hahahaha oh well, thanks for clearing that up. Wonder if you got past it this year...

[MourningLosses]

Why wouldnt you let him say goodbye, why did he have to dump me in one nasty email? Why are you so insecure that you can't bear for me to work with him even though it's obvious it's over? Why are you trying to destroy my career by telling your friends in our profession what you think happened? He chose you. You should be joyous and grateful and cherishing him like you didn't before. Instead you are policing him and filling your lives with recriminations or you were for a long time (when he was still talking to me). Now either you're still doing that and ruining your chances or else your marriage is better than ever and you should be grateful to me and happy and not so insecure.

 

You are so poorly suited to him emotionally, physically, intellectually, you can't possibly think you will stay together. I guess you are just competitive and hate me because you don't know me and think I'm horrible because I loved him and pursued him. You and he bond now over hating me and blaming me but one day you will wake up and find you know I was right and you're just not good enough for him. I pity you for not seeing that now and setting him free without fear of recriminations or losing his children. Can't you see he is staying for the children? Can't you see that he loved me and you busted us up with your threats and manipulation?

 

Why don't you move on? Why do you want someone who betrays you like that? I know so many intimate details about you. If you knew you would die of shame. Why didn't you leave him? How can you want a man when he loves another?

[Lostinlife4now]

MM always told me....You were a BIG MISTAKE!!!!!

 

What a sad way to live life.

[ComingInHot]

Mourning;

Please remember I'm actually not really your MM's W . W/that said, I'm going to reply as best I can*

 

When I found out my husband was & had been sleeping w/you, I was Mortified! Actually I don't think there is even a human word to describe how I was feeling. I Screamed at hit, slapped him even, then told him it was you or me & if it was me then he would EVER have anything to do w/you again. He agreed. I immediately called my family & friends and asked for advice. They all said he Needed to end things w/you hundred percent. At first, he wanted to tell you in person but I was told that would NOT be a good idea unless I was present. I was absolutely not capable to do that so I told him no face to face or he'd be choosing to end our marriage. He agreed and the end result was his email. I "proof read" his first draft and was wrecked all over again as it was almost gentle and remorseful about the ending of your A. The third draft made it clear he was choosing me, his W w/out his feelings involved & that's the one I approved.

As far as you two working together, well that would negate him agreeing to never see you again and I'm pretty sure he would not be able to stay out of your pants. Again I told him if he did that he was choosing to end our marriage. He agreed to not work w/you.

I have found that I am saying and doing things I never thought I would. My hurt and rage at my husband was one thing, but now it was time to show You who is number one, to make You hurt, to make You suffer too. I have accomplished just that by taking back my marriage, and making your career a living hell just like you messed w/mine. It may not be the most honorable behavior I've ever displayed but again I'm doing crazy things I never thought I would...

Your question is valid about why I'm staying w/a man who loves another woman. When I was nineteen and torn between two men I loved dearly, my grandmother sat me down and told me how she was in the same predicament. She chose to marry one while breaking the others heart. She never stopped loving either of them and had a beautiful marriage. Her husband died then she found out her old bf's W died. They married Six months later and spent the rest of their lives together as happy as she was before. Not more or less but she loved them both.

My husband might love you but he loves me too and has chosen me & our marriage & life.

For now, maybe he is staying more "for the kids" but I think the longer he stays away from you the more equally he'll be staying for me too.

I hate you too right now but I have to admit you Must be something special for my husband to have done this. And believe it or not I am glad you told me all of this. I hope I answered your questions so we can both move on.

 

Mourning, I hope that was a polite and Not attacking response. It was meant to be kind. Again I don't know the W & she could be a crazy mean person in general...

[ComingInHot]

lostinlife;

I understand my husband told you that and a-lot more too. Right now he's telling me the same thing about you. I wonder if maybe the only Mistake here was believing what he was/is telling the both of us?! Please to be angry w/me. I am trying to fix what I didn't even know was broken*

I meant don't be angry...

Edited December 8, 2012 by ComingInHot
typo

[Lostinlife4now]

And he is STILL cheating on you!

 

 

Why would any woman want a man when the man DOES NOT WANT YOU?

 

 

 

OBTW: I kicked his sorry arse to the curb.

[ComingInHot]

Lostinlife;

I completely understand your question & the frustration behind it. I wish I could help you understand better the why. I want to say there is just more to it than that but that doesn't seem like a good answer at all either. I don't know if I even have a "good" answer to that myself.

You state you dumped him but also that he is Still cheating. Are you saying he is still seeing you? Do you know of an OOW?

Honestly, I think for now at least, I have a choice to stay or go & for now I'm choosing to give him another chance as he has asked for one...

[Lostinlife4now]

NO I am not seeing him.

 

And yes there is another OW.

 

What a shame.

[ComingInHot]

lostinlife;

Ya, the guys a deuche. If I really were the W and knew this, I'd REALLY kick his a** then kick him to the curb! Til death do us part would become a creative pass time for me!

KIDDING!!

[Pierre]

Since our dday 12 months ago I have thought alot about what I would say to my mm's wife. I would say I'm sorry your hurting, I never set out to fall in love with your husband. But I have and always will, as I know he will always love me.

 

I never set out to fall in love with your husband

 

Without a doubt the most commonly used phrase ever in the world of EMRs. As humans we must have a meme for this phrase.

 

But I have and always will, as I know he will always love me.

 

The desire to be loved is almost universal. I have studied this quite a bid and I have to agree. Most people participating in EMRs are truly loved. And this love is usually very intense and full of passion. But, this love only works within the context of the affair bubble. Nevertheless, the sensations and feelings are entirely genuine.

[Pierre]

Some BS's use the words, "I will fight for him". You used it yourself.

 

I often wonder, why fight for a man, a man who betrayed you, hurt you with what they say the worst hurt is, one that it will be difficult to trust again if ever, so why fight for that?

 

I get the history, I get the family connections, but to fight for him?

 

Unless you experience this you will never get it. I believe it is extremely difficult to give up the history of a long term marriage. It is generally easier if the marriage history was always bad, but it seems many BWs feel the marriage is worth saving if other aspects were good. Lets say a MOM has a 20 year old mariage and only cheated for one year. In other words 19 out of 20 were good years. I feel is not that easy to walk away.

 

On the other side of the coin I see OWs with a six month old relationship and they cannot walk away either.

[Pierre]

I would like to ask my MM's wife how she doesn't know that he's cheating. By what he's mentioned and I've gleaned from his conversations, you as his wife, know something is off with him. You know that he's up to something but you just haven't found out what yet. Are you in denial that your husband could do this? Are you unable to ask the direct question?

 

Part of me wishes you would just ask and get it over with. If you don't he will never stop. If I leave him, there will be others. He's gotten away with it for this long; he thinks he's too charming to get caught. Just ask and watch his reactions, he'll panick.

 

For those that have cheated in the past it is very easy to spot a cheater.

 

For the naive people that would never consider cheating it is virtually impossible to imagine or conceive the spouse is cheating.

 

We tend to judge others from our perspective.

[j'adore]

So we had d day twice, you think he chose you, well in fact he chose to do nothing and so did you. He still sees me the same, every day, he calls me many times a day, and he parks outside my house near your house every day but you do not check, you do not ask, are you even interested?. He did not choose you on d day, Ok we (mm and me, YOU AND MM) had a major fight and it looked like i was gone,but he was back the day after, but now he chooses to do nothing at all because you let him. Why would he leave the house when he can come and go when he wants, do what he wants. You make it easy for him to do nothing despite the fact that we are all unhappy now. You guilted him using the kids. You don't want him,. you want the status, you want the money and you want everything the same. You don't even question him. That way everything stays the same. You thought you would take his mind of me by suggesting investing in another property abroad, investing in you really wasn't it? It didn't work, you are clutching at straws...... you have history but you are history. You are his sister now or you may as well be.

[Pierre]

So we had d day twice' date=' you think he chose you, well in fact he chose to do nothing and so did you. He still sees me the same, every day, he calls me many times a day, and he parks outside my house near your house every day but you do not check, you do not ask, are you even interested?. He did not choose you on d day, Ok we (mm and me, YOU AND MM) had a major fight and it looked like i was gone,but he was back the day after, but now he chooses to do nothing at all because you let him. Why would he leave the house when he can come and go when he wants, do what he wants. You make it easy for him to do nothing despite the fact that we are all unhappy now. You guilted him using the kids. You don't want him,. you want the status, you want the money and you want everything the same. You don't even question him. That way everything stays the same. You thought you would take his mind of me by suggesting investing in another property abroad, investing in you really wasn't it? It didn't work, you are clutching at straws...... you have history but you are history. You are his sister now or you may as well be.[/quote']

 

But the real question is:

 

If the BW does not care for her H. Why does the MOM stays married?

 

One would think that a BW that is not invested in her H would be ideal and that there would not be anything to keep the MOM attached.

 

So why is he staying at home with the wife?

 

As of now this looks like a threesome where the two women are OK with it and the man is having a ball.

[ComingInHot]

I guess my response would be so do you. The difference is (to me ) I'm his Wife no matter how anyone slices it. Maybe in a different life, a different age I would do things differently. Yet, we have both chosen to stay where we are as have you. Do I like it? No.

Will we ever be bff's probably not but if I'm agreeing to this (verbally or not) then I'm not going to hate you either*

[Ladydrib]

Actully I do have something to say to her. Here goes.

 

Dear wife of a total ____ (use your imagination),

 

I'm sorry for you that you are so tied up with him, that you have kids with him and have spent so many years of your life with him. I don't know you, and while you likely suspect he was cheating, you do not know. But I fully believe that you have dignity and if you did know, you'd be stuck because of the ties. That's why I feel sad that you did not get the opportunity to see his true character before getting in so deep. I'm sure you'd leave him if it were not for the kids and the years. And he deserves to be left. I'm lucky that I have the freedom to not tolerate mistreatment. I'm lucky that I can walk away from his lies with so much less invested. But you are happy enough to have stayed all these years, so I hope you can continue to be happy regardless.

[Ladydrib]

For those that have cheated in the past it is very easy to spot a cheater.

 

For the naive people that would never consider cheating it is virtually impossible to imagine or conceive the spouse is cheating.

 

We tend to judge others from our perspective.

 

The same is true for people who are being scoped out for affairs. The best thing I got out of this mess is I can spot a cheating man the second I meet him. No one will ever get past that again.

[Ladydrib]

But the real question is:

 

If the BW does not care for her H. Why does the MOM stays married?

 

One would think that a BW that is not invested in her H would be ideal and that there would not be anything to keep the MOM attached.

 

So why is he staying at home with the wife?

 

As of now this looks like a threesome where the two women are OK with it and the man is having a ball.

 

Because he knows she will allow it! How many women allow men to stay and cheat? For a cheater, he has it made.

[ComingInHot]

Ladydrib;

Of all the posts so far, yours touched me the most.

 

As the W of said ______! My reply is Thank you for thinking me a woman of dignity. And you are possibly correct that I would feel stuck or obligated to stay. If I truly knew this was the man I married then yes, you ARE the lucky one.

 

Thanks again Ladydrib. Great post!

[j'adore]

Originally Posted by Pierre

But the real question is:

 

If the BW does not care for her H. Why does the MOM stays married?

 

One would think that a BW that is not invested in her H would be ideal and that there would not be anything to keep the MOM attached.

 

So why is he staying at home with the wife?

 

As of now this looks like a threesome where the two women are OK with it and the man is having a ball. quote

 

 

Difference is, you got his balls, and I got his heart !!!!!

[Pierre]

That's why I feel sad that you did not get the opportunity to see his true character before getting in so deep. I'm sure you'd leave him if it were not for the kids and the years. And he deserves to be left. I'm lucky that I have the freedom to not tolerate mistreatment. I'm lucky that I can walk away from his lies with so much less invested. But you are happy enough to have stayed all these years, so I hope you can continue to be happy regardless.

 

This is a very good post.

 

Most of the time the wife at home never knew that her H was a cheater. So she married this man believing he was honest.

 

However, the OW knows the MOM is dishonest and a cheater a priori. So which one is worse?

[j'adore]

Nothing stays the same forever, never expect that.

[ComingInHot]

J'adore;

You want to tell the Wife of the man you are seeing that you've got his heart while she's got his ball??...

Of that is so I guess as his wife I'd say, actually nothing. I've got absolutely nothing.

 

It's difficult for me to be politely creative with so little. Sorry.

[MourningLosses]

J'Adore what do you want her to do? Why?

 

If she has any insight at all she will do the opposite of what you want. She seems to be doing that now so while you think she's dumb she's upsetting you without much effort.

 

As you've said the ball is on your court. You can let him cake eat or you can put a deadline on him. Make him choose or be grateful she is not making waves. If it were me I would make a deadline. But you may settle if you choose. Either way what she does should be irrelevant.