NC or friends maybe?

[barese1]

Thanks Ruby65, I've missed your words.

 

Just cannot focus on anything at the moment. She has moved on, wish I was there too.

[barese1]

I'm at the lowest point of all time. Please tell me I'll be ok. I've not eaten all day and smoked about 40 cigarettes.

 

Knowing she's moved on completely has made me feel worse. She's probably seeing someone else. I'm so depressed I have no energy to do anything.

[Dblock10]

i sense its the not knowing thats hurting, tbh i feel the same. i don't know either and its just so ****e.

 

i could go on her fb stalk, but i know that would hurt more and re open feelings again and thus hurt more, and it would feed the obsession.

 

when something is over you just have to realise it and move on.

 

its just how life is. you were obviously good enough to attract this attractive young lady into your life for a while, now go find another one

 

personally I'm not looking now, just want to stay away from all the hurt. but if some fun comes my way, sure i'll take it

[Ruby65]

I'm at the lowest point of all time. Please tell me I'll be ok. I've not eaten all day and smoked about 40 cigarettes.

 

Knowing she's moved on completely has made me feel worse. She's probably seeing someone else. I'm so depressed I have no energy to do anything.

 

It feels bad in the moment, but OF COURSE you're going to be feeling much better soon!!

 

You've wanted to believe the best about this girl, but now the idealized image is starting to get tarnished is all. You had hopes that maybe someday she'd come around and now you have to face that probably won't happen.

 

It's okay because every day brings you closer to ACCEPTANCE and MOVING ON.

 

Try to be good to yourself. Try to have a little soup or something healthy. Wrap yourself in blankets and try to get extra sleep if you can. You're going through a process and it DOES have an end.

 

You're going to be FINE!

[barese1]

Thanks Ruby.

 

Yeah I think i was fooling myself that it was just as hard for her. My friend said this girl wouldn't believe that I was still feeling this down and missing her after this time because shes completely over it.

 

I've booked an appointment with the doctor for Monday to try and get a referral for therapy.

 

As my mate said I can't control anything other than how I'm feeling, and all the rest of it doesn't matter. Still hard, I woke up with massive anxiety this morning and still can't eat.

[Edtheduck]

Hey mate.

 

You're doing the right things by going to the doctors. Especially if you're feeling major anxiety. It can get that way when you don't hear from them for a long time.

 

Just keep strong and keep taking it day by day. It will get better.

 

It's my birthday today, so I'll have a drink for you. Of course I got a happy birthday text from my ex, as I expected I would. Don't really want to talk to her today as the day is full of personal emotions for me, but I may ring her to say thanks back later.

 

Keep going, and always think positive. It's not worth your mind set constantly thinking about her, or how she is. You've got to switch the attention to you.

[barese1]

Thats the truth which I think I'm finally starting to learn, to switch the attention to me. Thanks mate.

 

Maybe just send her a text back rather than call her though

[barese1]

So am really starting to begin with getting over it. As in this is really back to square one. All that false hope I had, I just realised that without knowing it I was hoping she'd come back to me but with this realisation she's moved on its meant I can start to try and get over her even though I still think about her loads.

 

Well I have been on a couple of dates recently, and one girl is really nice and keen. I know I will not fall for her but think seeing her will probably help me let go of those feelings of the ex. Specifically missing her in bed, I do think that I need physical intamacy with a different girl which could help.

 

We'll see, tonight could really sort me out or it could make me miss the ex more, who knows!

[barese1]

Ha well it seems that no matter what I do, there she is in my head.

 

I've met a really nice girl. Shes pretty, fun and intelligent and I'm seeing her again this week.

 

On top of that I'm hitting my uni work hard, exercising plenty and organising fun things to do.

 

Its been confirmed that the ex is well and truely over me sooo....

 

Why can I still not move on?? I just keep picturing her constantly, nothing distracts me and its killing me. I just want to move on, not get back with her as I finally see that this is a complete impossibility but there she is in my head non stop!!! Arrrrgh!!!

 

I finally see the benefit from NC now. Hearing that she might be seeing someone killed me, let alone if I knew from fact through contact. I guess it really is the only way

[barese1]

Well went to the doctor today. Did a self refferal to a clinic for counselling.

 

I feel ashamed that I'm this down about it, 3 months after the BU when she's completely fine with life.

 

I will get better right?

[Ruby65]

Of course -- you'll be FINE!

 

Therapy is great. Soon you'll have a more balanced perspective towards this girl and it'll help you move on.

 

Keep updating!

[barese1]

Thanks Ruby, I will and I hope so!

 

Its just the thoughts with her and other men now, and that I know she's moved on.

 

I'm glad I never contacted her though and will stick with NC and trying all the things I can to move on, just thought I'd be further along by this point

[Dblock10]

do you ever wonder what it would have been like to stay in contact? do you ever feel like maybe if you had been stronger that somehow it would be different now? like a friend with benefit type deal?

[salmagundi]

FWB is nothing but short term gain for long term pain. Why keep sleeping with your ex and prolonging getting over her when you can find someone else to shag and maybe even have an actual future with?

[barese1]

do you ever wonder what it would have been like to stay in contact? do you ever feel like maybe if you had been stronger that somehow it would be different now? like a friend with benefit type deal?

 

I do wonder this but at the same time I guess this is what we were all along. Initially I thought I should do this and maybe things would develop but after 6 moths that would have happened.

 

I made a very, very hard decision that I couldn't do that, that it would just hurt more and would drag out my pain. I still wonder whether I should have though but if you read this thread you'll see that I probably made the right decision.

 

I loved her, she didn't love me, can you imagine if she met someone else and ended it like that? It would have literally killed me.

 

Salmagundi is right. As much as I loved sex with her, it wouldn't be the right thing to do. If I was stronger and didn't feel for her then it would have been fine.

 

Truth is, thanks to this experience (and from the last ex) I know I will never ever give my heart away again. It saddens me because I love being in love, but I will not allow myself to be open to this pain again. Bleak I know, and people will say well when the right one comes along. No. I thought she was the right one and have learned my lesson.

 

Whoever said its better to have loved and lost than never to have loved was full of sh*t

[salmagundi]

Whoever said its better to have loved and lost than never to have loved was full of sh*t

 

No he wasn't. I don't know about you but when I experience something, no matter what happens I learn from it and it becomes a part of what I am (like a failed relationship). When I take the safe route and experience nothing, I learn nothing and become nothing more than I already am...

[barese1]

Well I guess I take on these experiences differently than you, which I envy.

 

All I know is that love is amazing, but then its always taken from me regardless of the fact I have done nothing wrong. I am then left with torment and pain, a hundred times stronger than the joy that love brought.

[Edtheduck]

Dude I feel your pain. But you're doing the right thing in trying to move on now. NC will help you to get over her in time, trust me. Just keep going.

 

My LC led to a random text from my ex last Saturday, after I asked her if she was seeing someone. I got a strange response back, so I'm realising myself now that it may well be time for me to move on too. Sounds like she's dating again.

 

Keep going and doing it day by day. It will get better

[Ruby65]

Well I guess I take on these experiences differently than you, which I envy.

 

All I know is that love is amazing, but then its always taken from me regardless of the fact I have done nothing wrong. I am then left with torment and pain, a hundred times stronger than the joy that love brought.

 

 

Barese..... you had a 6 month FWB arrangement with a very young and immature girl who was using you as an ego boost between relationships. That WASN'T love.

 

Please don't let that shallow little narcissist keep you from experiencing the real deal with someone who actually loves you back!

[barese1]

Dude I feel your pain. But you're doing the right thing in trying to move on now. NC will help you to get over her in time, trust me. Just keep going.

 

My LC led to a random text from my ex last Saturday, after I asked her if she was seeing someone. I got a strange response back, so I'm realising myself now that it may well be time for me to move on too. Sounds like she's dating again.

 

Keep going and doing it day by day. It will get better

 

Hey ed, sorry to hear that man. That is literally the reason why I tried hard to maintain NC. Of course one day they will date others and as much as I missed the freindship too it wasn't worth the pain of that

[barese1]

Barese..... you had a 6 month FWB arrangement with a very young and immature girl who was using you as an ego boost between relationships. That WASN'T love.

 

Please don't let that shallow little narcissist keep you from experiencing the real deal with someone who actually loves you back!

 

You are so right Ruby, it really was fwb the whole time and nothing more, even though I thought it was going that way. I guess it just shows her immaturity and yes it wasn't love from her side but it was from mine.

 

Haha, I am actually doing my postgrad dissertation on narcissism, funnily enough the girl scored the lowest (1) out of everyone I tested. It shows she's not a narcissist but would probably suggest she is extremely insecure and not confident in herself. In a way I liked that becuase she should have been a very confident person and it was endearing that she wasn't.

 

I know I shouldn't let that stop me giving my heart to someone else but i can honestly say it has. Not every girl will be like her or the other ex but I can't see me being able to let myself be open for another chance at pain again. It is a shame because I know I'm a great boyfriend but unfortunately I won't allow myself to be put in that situation again.

 

I hate mornings!

[Ruby65]

You're still defending her... incredible!

 

Your saying you'll never fall in love again in the LAST little grip you can keep on the fiction that this nothing tramp was SPECIAL in some way.... and she SO SO wasn't!

 

Here's something to remember: depression is rage turned inward.

 

Maybe -- just maybe -- if you could face what a selfish b*tch she was -- you'd stop suffering so much and put the anger on the person who deserves it!!

[barese1]

You're still defending her... incredible!

 

Your saying you'll never fall in love again in the LAST little grip you can keep on the fiction that this nothing tramp was SPECIAL in some way.... and she SO SO wasn't!

 

Here's something to remember: depression is rage turned inward.

 

Maybe -- just maybe -- if you could face what a selfish b*tch she was -- you'd stop suffering so much and put the anger on the person who deserves it!!

 

O my god...you're right I still am aren't I?!?

 

I need to focus on her selfishness. You know I've found it hard to direct my anger towards her, but I feel its slowly slowly going that way. Sounds silly but the fact I haven't heard from her AT ALL makes me angry at her (even though I don't really need to be contacted) so thats something.

 

I hope that I can see her for the heartless bi&tch she actually is as anger is much easier to deal with than depression and longing

[Dblock10]

I do wonder this but at the same time I guess this is what we were all along. Initially I thought I should do this and maybe things would develop but after 6 moths that would have happened.

 

I made a very, very hard decision that I couldn't do that, that it would just hurt more and would drag out my pain. I still wonder whether I should have though but if you read this thread you'll see that I probably made the right decision.

 

I loved her, she didn't love me, can you imagine if she met someone else and ended it like that? It would have literally killed me.

 

Salmagundi is right. As much as I loved sex with her, it wouldn't be the right thing to do. If I was stronger and didn't feel for her then it would have been fine.

 

Truth is, thanks to this experience (and from the last ex) I know I will never ever give my heart away again. It saddens me because I love being in love, but I will not allow myself to be open to this pain again. Bleak I know, and people will say well when the right one comes along. No. I thought she was the right one and have learned my lesson.

 

Whoever said its better to have loved and lost than never to have loved was full of sh*t

 

yeah i find it difficult to put my finger on what i was with my ex, sure on Facebook it said we are bf gf and we were exclusive. but kind of felt like i was just a lover of convenience to her until she left to travel...

 

its like she likes me but thats it. i think you made the right decision, you cut the chord and you are right, think you would have strung yourself along for longer.

 

i know what you mean about giving your heart etc. i feel the same

[barese1]

Yeah I learned from previous experience to just step out and try and maintain diginity. To begin with i really thought she would call but the recent realisation that she won't makes me feel like I am going through all the steps from the start.

 

I am trying everything in my power to get over this but it really does seem like nothings working. I am seeing a girl tomorrow night, whos keen, attractive and sweet - but rather than be happy about it I'm kind of dreading it and even feel like I am being unfaithful.

 

Ridiculous really but I hope it helps coz nothing else seems to be!