NC or friends maybe?

[barese1]

Man I'm just getting sick of this, no matter what I do all I can think of is seeing her!

 

Its literally driving me crazy

[barese1]

Just needed to off load my thoughts as I don't really speak to anyone about the situation anymore.

 

5 and a half weeks NC. Thought I'd be feeling betterish now. Just can't get her out of my head. Just lying here on my bed I can't stop thinking about her being here with me. I just feel sick and tired. I'm tired of finding no joy in anything. No matter how hard I try and move on I can't.

 

Real low point today, just can't shake it off. All the advice and everything just seems to mean diddly right now. How can someone seem so into you jut disappear from your life. Guess she was a shallow immature child, so why on earth do I miss her so bad.

 

I'm sick of people telling me what a great guy I am. If thats the case then why am I the only one who has never had anyone truely love them. I just want to give up on everything right now. I'm even sick and tired of LS. Its the only thing that gives me salvation but as I trawl through the threads looking for reasons not to call or break NC, I feel as though I might as well. reading all this pain and heartache shows that life isn't fair.

[barese1]

Well I've decided that I'm going to break NC in a few days if I feel exactly the same, I'd rather try and get nowhere than sit here wallowing

[Ruby65]

It's YOUR life and only YOU know what's really best for you.

 

In my experience, initiating contact with a Dumper is a humiliating experience that only serves to push them farther away and never gets the results you want.

 

Is this something you need to do to get over this personl? Who knows.

 

But whatever you end up doing, everyone's here to support you.

[Edtheduck]

Dude, you will ultimately do what you think is right for you.

 

Don't let people tell you what you can and can't do, but just be ready for nothing in return. Hope can be good, but it can also be miserable.

 

I say this as I broke NC again today, but got a strange response from her almost instantly. More to come soon no doubt.

 

Hope you're hanging in there mate.

[barese1]

So I haven't posted on here in ages. One reason is that I was adamant that I was going to contact the ex. 2 months no contact and I miss her more than anything in the world. Literally cannot see the positives in anything. The other reason that although the advice the constant reminder of why I was here was getting me down.

 

2 months down, I gym it ever day...twice. Eat like a horse, healthy food. Work on my own self image. Try and throw myself into my masters, on course for a distinction. Have a date lined up. Applying for amazing jobs. Everything I can do to better myself, not to get her back but for myself. The result...

 

I feel like a zombie, I have nothing that truely interests me and I want to sleep forever. I got a text from my housemate tonight saying she was out with his workmates but left with Imo. I assumed Imo was a new bloke she was seeing and felt devastated. I can't even cry I'm that emotionaly zonked. Turns out Imo was a girl. Why am I letting this effect me?

 

The other thought is, yes I've been doing great NC, she hasn't reached out either, but it isn't helping. I am going to ring her this week, my life feels empty without her. I won't beg for her back but this pain is totally unbearable.

 

Not even sure why I'm posting but just can't get it out of my head. Everything is bleak and futile. yes I am depressed, but only because of this

[barese1]

Just re read this thread again. I need to man up, all your advice is correct.

 

I'm gonna be back on here this week, and not break NC at least until 3 months. That was my deadline to start feeling better, if not then sod it

[Dblock10]

hey man, me and your are pretty much identical in terms of situation with the ex and ex's!

 

but yeah, read what you are saying and the way i see it, unless you could be a friend to her with benefits and not want more then sadly nc is best for you.. you could at the time have continued to see her sleep with her etc and then who knows she would have got attached but by then you would be even more emotionally involved. it would be an 80/20 thing you putting more in.

 

seems like you are also in the not knowing zone, as in you don't fully know if she is with someone new, nor do i. maybe you fear asking her if she is because what if she is? i feel the same to.

Edited July 21, 2012 by Dblock10

[barese1]

Exactly mate. Think I had a few days of real weakness missing her etc. like you said, if I'd of stuck it out and carried on as we were maybe she would of got attached, truth is though if that was gonna happen it would have by 6 months.

 

Yeah dunno if she is with someone, don't want to know. Maintaining NC is hard but I guess it really is the only way. I want more than friends so why put myself through that.

 

Funny a mutual mate of hers rang me today and we chatted. The ex came up,apparently she sent me this long email a couple months back but I never got it. HAha so she thinks I've been ignopring her and been angry with her coz I blocked her on facebook.

 

Why do girls not get it.I told her straight this was for me to get over her, not coz I have any anger, she didn't actually do anything wrong. WOMEN!

 

Anyway, so was weird hearing about her, as haven't had a clue what she's been up to and like it like that. Apparently she feels sad that she ruined our group of friends, again not her fault, but I'm glad she feels something I assumed she didn't give a ****.

 

Makes it tempting to break NC but really won't until I feel I am over her.

 

Much love

[Dblock10]

wow i feel the same, i was with mine for 6 months, and don't feel like she ever properly fell for me (got attached) . probably due to the fact she kept herself emotionally guarded.

 

same i don't want to know if she's with anyone new either, and if she is truthful from what she says that she isn't looking, well that may be the case, but its not going to stope someone sleeping with someone which is just as bad (for the dumpee) but thats not a reason to be chatting to them all the time

 

so do you not want to know what was in this email? I'm glad i don't have the same circle of mates as her. maybe her keeping them separate was for this reason, so that I'm not "truly" involved with her.

 

i don't see why you have this mind frame about waiting so long to break nc. fact is when you are over her and don't care you won't feel a need to speak to her, what is there to say?

 

what do you want to say?

[Edtheduck]

Hey mate,

 

Good to see you back here. Sorry you're still feeling down and miss your ex. I thought you may have been feeling a bit better by now.

 

At the end of the day, if you want to break NC, it's your call. You've just got to e ready for no reply, or a reply which indicates she's either seeing someone, or not interested. I think by the comments earlier though that you may not be ready for that just yet. But ultimately only you can decide if you want to or not.

 

Over the last 2-3 weeks myself and my ex have been briefly exchanging texts, and we had a 30 minute chat the other day. I chose to break NC as I feel much stronger within myself now. But of course I miss her, it's only natural.

 

You make the call, and stick by it. Remember, life is for living after all, so no regrets

[jmjacobs31]

I feel your pain!!! I just got out of a 12 year relationship. We've been apart a little over 3 months now. We've had to have contact almost this whole time. I just started full NC on Tuesday, something he didn't want even though he ended things. He too doesn't get why I want to go NC. Its hard not to call and text him especially since I am still really sad about our break up and miss him tons. I know we could have a "friendship" but I also know that not what is in best interest to me. Whats in best interest to me is for me to distance myself from him until I am over him. NC sucks but I know I have to do it!! I have a feeling i will be on LS a lot looking for support to keep it, as I know I will want to be break it.

[barese1]

wow i feel the same, i was with mine for 6 months, and don't feel like she ever properly fell for me (got attached) . probably due to the fact she kept herself emotionally guarded.

 

same i don't want to know if she's with anyone new either, and if she is truthful from what she says that she isn't looking, well that may be the case, but its not going to stope someone sleeping with someone which is just as bad (for the dumpee) but thats not a reason to be chatting to them all the time

 

so do you not want to know what was in this email? I'm glad i don't have the same circle of mates as her. maybe her keeping them separate was for this reason, so that I'm not "truly" involved with her.

 

i don't see why you have this mind frame about waiting so long to break nc. fact is when you are over her and don't care you won't feel a need to speak to her, what is there to say?

 

what do you want to say?

 

I think we had the same kinda thing happening, they would never fall in love with us but probably got a little attached, not too much that they couldn't drop it in a second though.

 

I agree, this girl told me honestly she wasn't looking for a relationship but she will have a hundred men chatting her up a night and she, like everyone, has needs so will probably hook up, which feels just as bad as if she got in a relationship.

 

I found out today from our mate that she wrote the email but never sent it. I would loved to have known what it said but the fact she never sent it shows it didn't really mean f*(k all.

 

this mindframe about breaking NC is like this. If I feel over her, indifferent like my other exs I won't care about breaking or not breaking NC. What I mean is if I really really try, which I am, and still haven't gotten over her seriously what more harm can it do speaking to her. I can't explain how much I miss all aspects of the relationship.

 

I am trying my hardest to be strong and move on, hopefully that'll happen and I won't feel the need to ring her but its been 2 months NC tonight and really I don't feel much better at all.

[barese1]

Hey mate,

 

Good to see you back here. Sorry you're still feeling down and miss your ex. I thought you may have been feeling a bit better by now.

 

At the end of the day, if you want to break NC, it's your call. You've just got to e ready for no reply, or a reply which indicates she's either seeing someone, or not interested. I think by the comments earlier though that you may not be ready for that just yet. But ultimately only you can decide if you want to or not.

 

Over the last 2-3 weeks myself and my ex have been briefly exchanging texts, and we had a 30 minute chat the other day. I chose to break NC as I feel much stronger within myself now. But of course I miss her, it's only natural.

 

You make the call, and stick by it. Remember, life is for living after all, so no regrets

 

hey fella,

 

Would say its great to be back but not really as it shows I've not really progressed much unfortunately. You said it mate, want to break NC but I know that I'm just not ready. The response will NOT be 'o I miss you lets give it a go' which is the only thing holding me off calling her right now.

 

So why did you break NC? Yes you will feel better (as long as the ex isn't angry with you) but what good will it do in the long run? Do you think you will get back together?

 

I know but really calling her wouldn't change anything so would I regret not calling? I guess not, she knows what I want and how I feel so would call if she wanted what I want, the fact she hasn't should say it all

[barese1]

I feel your pain!!! I just got out of a 12 year relationship. We've been apart a little over 3 months now. We've had to have contact almost this whole time. I just started full NC on Tuesday, something he didn't want even though he ended things. He too doesn't get why I want to go NC. Its hard not to call and text him especially since I am still really sad about our break up and miss him tons. I know we could have a "friendship" but I also know that not what is in best interest to me. Whats in best interest to me is for me to distance myself from him until I am over him. NC sucks but I know I have to do it!! I have a feeling i will be on LS a lot looking for support to keep it, as I know I will want to be break it.

 

Why do they not understand why we need NC? There's (usually) nothing vindictive about it. It sounds like you realise why you have to stick with it, I respect that and you are doing well. Its early days for you. I can't say that it gets easier with time personally but others do. get support here and always write here before considering calling the ex.

 

If I'm honest, I might call, I might not. I am trying my hardest to be strong but unless I start seeing positives from life then I will no doubt call. We'll see, I genuinely don't know what I will do.

 

If you haven't you should start a thread and will get plenty of support. Good luck!

[WordvAction]

First off, congrats for going two months NC. Ik you feel you still haven't progressed, but in time you will. Hell, the girl that I had the hardest time getting over took over 2 years and I only knew her for 4 months. Hang in there and try to meet other people and try things you've never tried before

[Edtheduck]

Hey mate,

 

I only reached out as I felt within myself that I was at peace. So the hurt was no longer there, I didn't have any anger towards her, had forgiven her for ending things. Also, that I had identified what I needed to do for the better, a) if we ever resolved things or b) If not, it would help in a new relationship.

 

Of course during NC I missed the girl a lot. My ex is a very very stubborn woman. I have to pretty much always do the leg work, when initiating things. But I'm ok with that as she's open when I talk.

 

I don't know what will happen. In the contact I've had with her, I've said all the above, she knows I still have feelings, but I'm just taking my time with things.

 

I guess what I'm trying to say is, if you believe you can talk to your ex, connecting to her and the relationship and BU wasn't bad, I see LC as ok. The fear of rejection has gone, so it's easier. I'm not sure you're quite there yet. It's totally upto you.

 

I used NC to heal myself, and become stronger. Now that I am better, and returning to my old self, I don't mind if my ex knows that.....! My door will remain open to her, but I'm not holding out for her.

 

Chin up......!

[Dblock10]

did you tell your ex that you would leave the door open? what did you say? i seem to be in a similar situation. if i talk to her she will talk to me in an open way also..

[Edtheduck]

No I didnt tell her, but I don't need to. She can see by everything else I've said that I still harbour feelings for her. I was just open, honest, clear in telling her about me now, my self improval, about how I didn't hate her, and that she knows she holds something special to me.

 

The trouble is that I've not heard anything substantial in response, so I don't know how she feels. I need to give her time to absorb it all. I also offered for us to meet, as I've not seen her in 3.5 months. It's my bday this week too, so who knows. Doubtful to be honest.

 

Just do what's right for you. Everyone handles BU's differently, and only you know how much you've healed inside. Remember, you don't want to put all your eggs in one basket only to feel the emotions of another let down again.

 

Tread carefully if initiating contact. I only did it as I was at peace with myself, and her.

[Dblock10]

@ ed

ah fair enough, like me, my ex too knows i feel for her. yet when i asked her why she said she too had feelings for me yet leaves the country she told me she is happy to be single, isn't looking, and is on the other side of the world even if she was so...

 

not sure to take that as, so.. i wouldn't think of you or so we couldn't be together anyway, or it would be with someone else. :S

 

I've not replied to her last fb msg maybe i should? but she has left this country now, see below

 

I think we had the same kinda thing happening, they would never fall in love with us but probably got a little attached, not too much that they couldn't drop it in a second though.

 

I agree, this girl told me honestly she wasn't looking for a relationship but she will have a hundred men chatting her up a night and she, like everyone, has needs so will probably hook up, which feels just as bad as if she got in a relationship.

 

I found out today from our mate that she wrote the email but never sent it. I would loved to have known what it said but the fact she never sent it shows it didn't really mean f*(k all.

 

this mindframe about breaking NC is like this. If I feel over her, indifferent like my other exs I won't care about breaking or not breaking NC. What I mean is if I really really try, which I am, and still haven't gotten over her seriously what more harm can it do speaking to her. I can't explain how much I miss all aspects of the relationship.

 

I am trying my hardest to be strong and move on, hopefully that'll happen and I won't feel the need to ring her but its been 2 months NC tonight and really I don't feel much better at all.

 

yeah basically, my ex was leaving to travel the world for half a year with her best friend. she always knew she was going to go. perhaps hadn't thought about what would happen to me and her, but ultimately she didn't want a relationship with me whilst she was away. or to this present day despite meeting up with me after a year, expressing she too had feelings still... and now she has gone again to a country she visited, where a guy there whom she met travelling lives.. she says he is just a friend and i know they have met up.

 

i think you personally need to break nc in order to see the reality of the situation.. its been long enough mate. 2 months is a long time to bottle up something trust me. In a way it might do you good because as i say, it might wake you up to what the truth is now? and the worst that can happen is that she might want to chat to you and even see you again..

 

i think forcing yourself to get over someone is just not possible. because lets face it, where does your brain draw the line. it can't

[steveblack]

I have been reading this post for awhile and decided to comment.

 

I have been on limited contact to nc for about month now (3 yr relationship). I have my highs and lows so i know what your going through. Thinking about all the good times, what happened, how I could of been better etc.. Those thoughts will kill you.

 

What has been helping me is putting things into prospective.

 

One of my coworkers, who was in a marriage for 20 years, had two kids relationship ended. He got into a car accident (not his fault) and she died on the spot (5 years ago). His love of his life died.

 

With this story and some of the stories I read on here, my 3 year relationship, that I was planning a future seems to be nothing in comparison. Yeah I think about her everyday, yea i want to contact her and say all the good stuff... yeah all those things. But life could be SO MUCH WORSE. This sucks, I know, but we will be alright.

[barese1]

Right so I just need to vent, I'm not ignoring everyones recent comments but I have to just type this out as i think this was probably the kick up my arse that I needed.

 

So our mutual friend asked if i wanted to talk about it, I opened up fully. Stated how much I missed her, fell for her and was hurt she never tried calling and if there was any chance.

 

My mate flat out said no chance, you have to move on, try and enjoy it for what it was. Apparently the ex hasn't called me coz she thinks I was angry as I blocked her on facebook. What the f*&k is wrong with her, I told her I fell in love with her so would have to delete her coz i couldn't handle it.

 

I just can't believe I gave my heart away to someone who literally doesn't give a sh&t or felt anyway near the same as me. I'm so hurt and gutted btu maybe hearing it from my mate made it more real. I have to move on, this girl doesn't give a sh*t and I'll probably never speak to her ever again.

 

I'm just heartbroken, 2 fu*&ing months NC and still feel like a big mess. I can't deal with this, I just can't!

[Dblock10]

you can do it mate. you need to focus on how she isn't who you hoped she would be.. she isn't that girl man. sure she's hot and all of those other things but your meet someone better..

 

she doesn't give a **** about you or how you are feeling. why hang onto any more hurt now? let it go and forget her.

[barese1]

Had a long conversation with my mate last night.

 

There's never any chance of me and the ex getting back together. I knew it but now I KNOW it, hopefully I can actually move on now.

 

Probably gonna stay away from LS for a while and try and rebuild my life.

 

Today is day 1 for me.

 

Thanks everyone for all your words.

[Ruby65]

Whatever it is that's causing you to start over re-counting days, I sense it's healthy and positive!

 

It's hard to face the reality that a relationship really is OVER..... but you're saving yourself so much future pain by choosing to walk away now rather than cling to hope.

 

Believe it or not, you're through the worst of it and it won't be much longer before you're feeling good enough to start looking around for someone new! This girl was not significant enough to merit endless months of mourning.

 

Hopefully next time you'll be more discerning about the kind of person you trust your precious heart to! Speaking for myself, I've been hurt enough times so that now I hold out for the truly extraordinary -- not just outside, but inside (which is where it really counts).

 

Keep going, you're doing GREAT!