NC or friends maybe?

[barese1]

i'll give you some advice, seems you have the same problem as me and keep going in circles.

 

best thing to do is to stay off LS. at least for a whole month. believe it or not, posting on here will keep feeding your mind.

 

I think you're right. I am going to take a break.

 

I just can't let go of the fact that I was rubbish in bed and that's the reason. truth is, I was just a rebound and she never had feelings. Same thing has happened for me in rebounds.

 

Sick of missing her. It still hurts as much as it did the first day. Hopefully next time I post it will be to say I'm feeling a lot better.

 

Thanks Dblock

[Dblock10]

I think you're right. I am going to take a break.

 

I just can't let go of the fact that I was rubbish in bed and that's the reason. truth is, I was just a rebound and she never had feelings. Same thing has happened for me in rebounds.

 

Sick of missing her. It still hurts as much as it did the first day. Hopefully next time I post it will be to say I'm feeling a lot better.

 

Thanks Dblock

 

I know the feeling bro.

 

Dont dwell on something that 1) you cant change 2) you don't know for certain 3) you know your good in bed

 

the very first posts you put in this entire thread suggested that was the main thing you liked about what you had with her!

 

stay off here for a month, i'm going to do the same thing. i remember i felt a lot better when i just stayed away and tried to crack on. things really changed.

 

but please do come back after 30 days, even if its to drop me a PM

 

laters buddy

[veggirl]

Where are you getting this idea that you were s.hit in bed?

[JayL]

You should not even be considering being friends with her.

 

Fact # 1 : She does not want to be with you and does not see you two being together "long-term".

 

Fact # 2 : She does not feel the same way you do and probably never will.

 

Fact # 3 : If you stayed, it is only a matter of time until she meets someone else who she will fall for.

 

You may think and "hope" that it will be you who she will eventually fall for considering the amount of time you spent together and the things you did together.

 

Have you seen 500 Days of Summer movie? Watch it and you must! It's a wake up slap. How do I know? It happened to me. I hoped, I wished, I did my best, in the end, I fell flat on the concrete ground with my face first from cloud 9. [it didn't help me much since I'm Asian and we already have a flatter facial feature lol!]

 

She sees you as a companion, not a partner and currently, she does not see you in her future and most likely never will.

 

Now, if you stayed friends with her, you're just shaving your heart with a barbed wire.

 

Use your upper head, not your lower head.

 

Her offering "friendship" is the closure itself without further explanation necessary.

 

That offer means only one thing, you've always been in the friend zone who just offered her extra benefits that a normal friend does not. That in those months you two were together, she may have attempted to have that special feeling as she may have seen some great qualities in you, but she just couldn't for whatever reason.

 

If you had spent all those times together, did all those things together and at this point she still feels nothing, that only tells you one thing... she's just not that into you the way you and she thought she was. You're prolonging your suffering. MOVE ON!

 

You should actually hate her for stringing you along, but at the same time, you can't really get mean to her since she warned you since day 1 that she does not want serious and you still went with it. You gambled, you lost, get over it, on to the next one.

 

Worry about the things you can control and change, which is YOU, not the things that you have no control over aKa her feelings.

 

Cut her off, not even friends, maybe not until years later. Find someone who can give it back.

Edited September 28, 2012 by JayL

[barese1]

I was going to wait 30 days before posting on here because its true, the more time I spent on here the more I thought about her the whole time. I have to vent now though.

 

So being away from here helped. Going on holiday helped. I realise that my depression and anxiety moved from 'us' to my life generally. I knwo that doesn't sound good but it meant that for once she wasn't on my mind.

 

Fast forward to a few days ago. I swore I would never reach out to her. Well she text me breadcrumbs asking how I was etc. I replied in the same tone. She wrote back again, I replied again then guess what?? She just ignores my message. She told me she was moving this weekend, no bye or anything. F&ck her, b&tch. Friends my @rse.

 

The only good thing to come from this is now not only will I never reach out to her, but in the very unlikely chance she contacts me I will ignore her for sure now. Its clear I mean less than nothing to her. When we were together guys from her past who were either desperate or rude to her would always contact her. She would always respond. Me, who never treated her bad, never acted desperate, never said a bad word to her, she ignores.

 

The thing that gets me, I was finally putting her out of my mind, then with two texts she is now on my mind again constantly. Why text me? Why engage me in a conversation just to ignore me. Why remind me of her when I was forgetting.

 

I just want to be done with this.

[barese1]

Where are you getting this idea that you were s.hit in bed?

 

I have no idea. I think everything else seemed to be going well its the only thing I can think of. Like I said I loved the sex but maybe I wasn't good enough. I last for ages and have my new girl in all sorts of positions in all sorts of places.

 

I literally don't know if this is in my head or not but it genuinely hurts me.

[barese1]

You should not even be considering being friends with her.

 

Fact # 1 : She does not want to be with you and does not see you two being together "long-term".

 

Fact # 2 : She does not feel the same way you do and probably never will.

 

Fact # 3 : If you stayed, it is only a matter of time until she meets someone else who she will fall for.

 

You may think and "hope" that it will be you who she will eventually fall for considering the amount of time you spent together and the things you did together.

 

Have you seen 500 Days of Summer movie? Watch it and you must! It's a wake up slap. How do I know? It happened to me. I hoped, I wished, I did my best, in the end, I fell flat on the concrete ground with my face first from cloud 9. [it didn't help me much since I'm Asian and we already have a flatter facial feature lol!]

 

She sees you as a companion, not a partner and currently, she does not see you in her future and most likely never will.

 

Now, if you stayed friends with her, you're just shaving your heart with a barbed wire.

 

Use your upper head, not your lower head.

 

Her offering "friendship" is the closure itself without further explanation necessary.

 

That offer means only one thing, you've always been in the friend zone who just offered her extra benefits that a normal friend does not. That in those months you two were together, she may have attempted to have that special feeling as she may have seen some great qualities in you, but she just couldn't for whatever reason.

 

If you had spent all those times together, did all those things together and at this point she still feels nothing, that only tells you one thing... she's just not that into you the way you and she thought she was. You're prolonging your suffering. MOVE ON!

 

You should actually hate her for stringing you along, but at the same time, you can't really get mean to her since she warned you since day 1 that she does not want serious and you still went with it. You gambled, you lost, get over it, on to the next one.

 

Worry about the things you can control and change, which is YOU, not the things that you have no control over aKa her feelings.

 

Cut her off, not even friends, maybe not until years later. Find someone who can give it back.

 

You are right my friend. I wanted to be friends with her but realised I couldn't handle it. Now its clear she doesn't even want that. F&ck her then.

 

Your facts are all correct and she has indeed met someone she has fallen for. Again emphasising how little I actually meant to her when we were together. Trust me I have no hope. I was a comfort rebound for her nothing more. Just because she was nice to me the, doesn't matter. It was all bullsh*t.

 

Mate I watched 500 days of Summer, it literally was an exact film of my life. It made me feel better....for an hour.

 

Its clear now I never really was a friend. Once we became 'friends' again I still never heard from her as you would a realy friend. A real friend would want to say goodbye to you when they move town. I don't want to be her friend, f&ck her.

 

I can't be angry with how she was when we were together I agree, but I can be angry with the little respect she has shown me since. I hope she gets her f*cking heart broken.

[PlanB123]

bournemouth!! went to uni there, mate. used to work in toko bar lol

 

looooooooaaaaaads of hot girls in bournemouth. place is a party town!

[barese1]

Had to rant. Still miss the ex, still crazy about her. I tried everything with the new girl and actually started to really like her. Yesterday she told me she didn't want a relationship.

 

Clearly I'm just unloveable. I give up. I literally give up, why is it girls say they really like me, then don't want anything serious and move on to proper relationships within a few weeks of breaking my heart.

 

I've had enough, I give up. Love and happiness is for other people

[NavyAirTraffic]

Had to rant. Still miss the ex, still crazy about her. I tried everything with the new girl and actually started to really like her. Yesterday she told me she didn't want a relationship.

 

Clearly I'm just unloveable. I give up. I literally give up, why is it girls say they really like me, then don't want anything serious and move on to proper relationships within a few weeks of breaking my heart.

 

I've had enough, I give up. Love and happiness is for other people

 

Nice Guy Syndrome. Dr. Gibson wrote a book, you can read more on this forum about people's experiences with this book. Being "nice guys" prevents us from having a fulfilling life and relationships. I won't be the first one to recommend this, do your research.

 

I am almost done with the book, after I am done I am reading it again, and applying the principles of the "balanced guy". If you don't feel like you got a huge kick in the face of reality after reading the first 10 pages, it isn't for you.

[barese1]

But I'm not a pushover. I respect women, that doesn't make me a 'nice guy'!?!

 

What do they want? Kunts. F&ck reading, just go back to being the amnipulatyive @rse that I used to be.

 

bettering yourself is a waste of time. I used to be a drug dealing, morally lacking scum bag. I had money, women and anything I wanted. I tried to turn my life round. Went into education, completely re-positioned my moral compass and now I have no money, no job, no girl and no prospects.

 

7 years later I have no choice but to go back into the lifestyle I left. Like i say, life is amazing for some, for others its a case of doing whatever to survive.

 

F&ck life, its sh%t

[todreaminblue]

But I'm not a pushover. I respect women, that doesn't make me a 'nice guy'!?!

 

What do they want? Kunts. F&ck reading, just go back to being the amnipulatyive @rse that I used to be.

 

bettering yourself is a waste of time. I used to be a drug dealing, morally lacking scum bag. I had money, women and anything I wanted. I tried to turn my life round. Went into education, completely re-positioned my moral compass and now I have no money, no job, no girl and no prospects.

 

7 years later I have no choice but to go back into the lifestyle I left. Like i say, life is amazing for some, for others its a case of doing whatever to survive.

 

F&ck life, its sh%t

 

 

 

Nasty.....you said that she was sweet altruistic and intelligent.....its a shame you contribute your change of life to her and not for yourself....life doesnt suck......rejection sucks.....depression sucks....and a drug dealing lifestyle sucks....you should deal with your anger....i am pretty blue today ......its not the world's fault or anyone elses fault.....its in me...your anger is in you.......i have to ride it out these blues....... and i dont know how long i will be blue for but i dont have a choice ....I have to ride it out....as do you....blaming others for you going back to drugs is a crock......a crock of crap......

 

you got rejected and that sucks.....i got rejected a few months ago now...i still respect the guy and have feelings for him....as do you obviously still have feelings for the girl......love and hate are a fine line.......i cant hate him nor would i ever hate him because he didnt have the same feelings as i do....thats life.....doesnt mean life is bad.....

 

it means that girl didnt have the same feelings as you and dont blame her so you can go back to a crap life.......thats you my friend..... all in you ......i hope that your anger leaves you and that you find peace within your own soul....not someone elses soul.....you cant find happiness there....find it in your soul first then share it around....says me who is actually blue but i keep trying....thats the difference....and it does make a difference..i wish you well and a straight life with love attached in your future........deb

[barese1]

Nasty.....you said that she was sweet altruistic and intelligent.....its a shame you contribute your change of life to her and not for yourself....life doesnt suck......rejection sucks.....depression sucks....and a drug dealing lifestyle sucks....you should deal with your anger....i am pretty blue today ......its not the world's fault or anyone elses fault.....its in me...your anger is in you.......i have to ride it out these blues....... and i dont know how long i will be blue for but i dont have a choice ....I have to ride it out....as do you....blaming others for you going back to drugs is a crock......a crock of crap......

 

you got rejected and that sucks.....i got rejected a few months ago now...i still respect the guy and have feelings for him....as do you obviously still have feelings for the girl......love and hate are a fine line.......i cant hate him nor would i ever hate him because he didnt have the same feelings as i do....thats life.....doesnt mean life is bad.....

 

it means that girl didnt have the same feelings as you and dont blame her so you can go back to a crap life.......thats you my friend..... all in you ......i hope that your anger leaves you and that you find peace within your own soul....not someone elses soul.....you cant find happiness there....find it in your soul first then share it around....says me who is actually blue but i keep trying....thats the difference....and it does make a difference..i wish you well and a straight life with love attached in your future........deb

 

I know you're right but I literally have been this nice, hardworking, loyal, attentive guy for years now and every girl rejects me. Last night I just got very very drunk and remembered how my life used to be like.

 

The more I tried to better myself the more hurt and rejected I got. The firl never had feelings for me yet here I am 6 months later still wishing I was with her. That is me and no one else to blame.

 

I'm just fed up with it. Fed up of meeting girls and for some reason I'm not good enough. Fed up of trying to build a career but getting nowhere when everyone else has their jobs and partners. I'm just fed up of trying so hard to be a normal person but no matter what I do I still feel down, rejected and unloveable.

 

I miss my ex with all my heart but would rather I didn't then actually getting her back. She wouldn't like what I've become now anyway

[Tally123]

Barese....i am really sorry to read your recent posts. I thought things might have progressed, but unfortunately in life you just never know whats around the corner.

 

Listen, rejection is horrible, its a kick in the teeth, no one likes it.....after things ending with ex, i started talking to a guy, and by the way things are going at the moment, i think im on the verge of rejection. I feel pretty rubbish about it, but anyway my point is, we all go through rejection at some point in our lives. Youre so not alone.

 

AND please dont change who you are! I would do anything for just a normal down to earth guy who is respectful etc etc. Who knows how to treat a woman. Not some a**ehole. So please dont think that you need to turn into someone like that to find a woman and keep her. It says more about these girls than it does you.

 

Youre still young, you have plenty of time...trust me

 

Tally

[barese1]

So here we are. Months, probably about 7 since I split with the original ex. I still miss her, still wish she was in my life, but its so clear I literally mean absolutely nothing to her. I'm trying my hardest to forget her. I was just a rebound for her, now she has a great new job, a boyfriend and doesn't even want me in her life as a friend. The only good thing to come form all this is that I don't want to be friends with her either. It doesn't help at all. I miss her so bad, but again I'm just nothing to her.

 

Thing is I feel like I've lost many other friendships too. I can't get out of this depressive mindset I'm in. I'm just not me. Everything is a struggle. My tehrpaist has discontinued our sessions saying I haven't progressed since day one so I am seeing a counsellor Friday.

 

I'm sick of not having anything going right. I really liked the new girl, I genuinely did but couldn't give my heart to her fully and I know I never will again. I'll never know how we went from having a great few days together to her saying she doesn't want a relationship and not contacting me since. I know I could call her but I'm fed up of chasing these girls. Its clear that I am just unloveable. In all my relationships it has always ended because they just don't want me. The common denominator is me.

 

I've always been confident, respectful and caring to all these girls. I genuinely belived that's what women would want anyway, but clearly its not. Everywhere I see, those in relationships the guy is always a bit of an ar$e. Its the way of the world. I can't be me and expect to ahve a relationship. Girls just don't want me. i'm sick of constant rejection. I got my masters a month and a half ago and have applied for 60 proper jobs and sh&tty ones, again nothing but rejections.

 

Some people are meant to have happy fullfilling lives, others are born under a cloud and no matter how much they try to better themselves they can't escape the darkness. That's the way it is with me and I have accepted that I will enver live my dreams of a job in what I want, a girl who loves me and building a family.

 

I just don't get how I've been nothing but a great guy, compassionate caring and hard working. i have nothing left I really don't. I'm sick of feeling so low and useless. I would be better off gone but i couldn't do that to my parents. That is literally the only thing stopping me from ending it. I hate that nothing gives me happiness. I hate that I still miss someone that I was literally nothing to. I hate that everyone manages to deal with their problems and lead decent lives. I hate myself and just have no more energy to fight against it.

[TopCat22]

Barese1, I'm very sorry to hear you are so low but you need to re-read what you've written. You've already hit on the problem: you. You don't like who you are. Reading your posts you sound full of self-loathing. All you are fixated on is playing the victim. I don't want to sound harsh but you are throwing yourself one huge pity party.

 

THe world isn't fair. It's a sad fact that we all have to deal with. THe world does not owe you a living. The world does not owe you a great relationship. IF you want those things then take them. Don't whine about how unlucky you are. Sit up and take action. Until you do you will continue to be unhappy.

 

You really need to realise that your validation comes from you, not from the girl you date. You can post on here with your stories and wallow in self-pity or you can dust yourself off and tell the world that you are a good person and you will make good things happen. You've been down long enough. Take your life back. You don't have to become a jerk to get great women. In fact you will only attract losers that way. BE the person you WANT to be and live your life the way you WANT to. Stop relying on the world to throw thingd your way.

[barese1]

Barese1, I'm very sorry to hear you are so low but you need to re-read what you've written. You've already hit on the problem: you. You don't like who you are. Reading your posts you sound full of self-loathing. All you are fixated on is playing the victim. I don't want to sound harsh but you are throwing yourself one huge pity party.

 

THe world isn't fair. It's a sad fact that we all have to deal with. THe world does not owe you a living. The world does not owe you a great relationship. IF you want those things then take them. Don't whine about how unlucky you are. Sit up and take action. Until you do you will continue to be unhappy.

 

You really need to realise that your validation comes from you, not from the girl you date. You can post on here with your stories and wallow in self-pity or you can dust yourself off and tell the world that you are a good person and you will make good things happen. You've been down long enough. Take your life back. You don't have to become a jerk to get great women. In fact you will only attract losers that way. BE the person you WANT to be and live your life the way you WANT to. Stop relying on the world to throw thingd your way.

 

Thanks Topcat. The truth is though i do not expect all the good things to fall into my lap. Everything I've had I've had to work hard for, nothing has ever been handed to me. Yes i am full of self loathing at the moment. i'm sick of trying hard and yet accomplishing nothing.

 

Life isn't fair I agree, and its down to us to make the best of it. Nothing else will do that for us. I was always the person taht would just push through these things and believe in myself. Honestly, I never got down before except after relationships because I just figured sh&t happens, carry on and it will change.

 

I'm not trying to throw a pity party and I'm sick of playing the victim, but I've just got to a point where I've tried everything to improve my life yet to no avail. I've simply given up. I've given up faith that good things will happen. I know that sounds like I'm feeling sorry for myself but I've just got to a point where I don;t have the strength and more importantly nothing is going my way at all

[TopCat22]

I know it can be tough. I've been the same. I always believed that if I am a good person and treat people with respect then I will be happy and good things will happen. I treated my ex very well and it didn't stop her running off with other guys behind my back. I beat myself up over it for a while and now I realise it's not about me. It was about her and how broken she is. I'm stronger now and I refuse to let her change my life outlook. I do belive in karma and I know that I will prevail.

 

It's always darkest before the dawn. You've had a lot of bad things happen but that just means that some really good things are going to happen to even it out. Don't lose hope. Believe in yourself. You are your own master and commander. Don't let the bad people beat the goodness out of you.

[barese1]

I know it can be tough. I've been the same. I always believed that if I am a good person and treat people with respect then I will be happy and good things will happen. I treated my ex very well and it didn't stop her running off with other guys behind my back. I beat myself up over it for a while and now I realise it's not about me. It was about her and how broken she is. I'm stronger now and I refuse to let her change my life outlook. I do belive in karma and I know that I will prevail.

 

It's always darkest before the dawn. You've had a lot of bad things happen but that just means that some really good things are going to happen to even it out. Don't lose hope. Believe in yourself. You are your own master and commander. Don't let the bad people beat the goodness out of you.

 

Thanks topcat, but I'm struggling to keep any belief or hope. This is the lowest point of my life. Still no work, still miss the ex and miss the recent girl. I'm not even sure what happened there. I finally text her to ask if she wanted to meet for coffee, i need an explanation of why she just went cold. Funny she replied but seems really off me like I did something wrong.

 

I just want something good to happen to me. I'm so isolated and lost I really can't cope. I can't hold a positive outlook, I can't feel excited or optimistic about anything. I look forward to being asleep so I don't have to feel this way.

 

i just want to be normal. I just want to be like everyone else. This last few months have been pure torture and I can't physically bear it anymore

[barese1]

Thanks topcat, but I'm struggling to keep any belief or hope. This is the lowest point of my life. Still no work, still miss the ex and miss the recent girl. I'm not even sure what happened there. I finally text her to ask if she wanted to meet for coffee, i need an explanation of why she just went cold. Funny she replied but seems really off me like I did something wrong.

 

I just want something good to happen to me. I'm so isolated and lost I really can't cope. I can't hold a positive outlook, I can't feel excited or optimistic about anything. I look forward to being asleep so I don't have to feel this way.

 

i just want to be normal. I just want to be like everyone else. This last few months have been pure torture and I can't physically bear it anymore

 

So spoke to the newest ex today. The girl I was seeing after my ex. I really liked her but was aware it may not go anywhere. She said she liked me but didn't want a relationship.

 

The last three girls have said this to me, the previous two have gone straight into serious relationships. What does this say about me?

 

I'm actually upset about this current girl. I wasn't loved up on her like I was the ex ex but I liked spending time with her and thought it may lead to something, now its just more of the same

[barese1]

Its funny, the last few days have actually been better. I miss my ex like crazy but also have this biterness for her that I never did. I think the current girl, someone who was really nice, doing and saying the exact same thing as the ex has made me just think f^ck them.

 

I got a breadcrumbs text from the recent girl yesterday which I would normally respond to but I just thought, sod that. I've had enough of girls like that.

 

I'm still not in great shape but am actively trying to sort my life out. For once I genuinely want nothing to do with women for a bit. I've had enough chasing and being messed about and rejection. My housemate is struggling to understand that I want nothing to do with girls at the mo but it actually feels right.

 

Who cares if the ex is loving her new guy. I don't want either of these people in my life. I haven't logged into facebook for about a month now and realise that my friends don't really exist without it.

 

I daon't know what's changed but I feel a bit freer from the ruminating of these exs and have slight anger and disgust towards them now. It seems like I'm just moving through the stages at a very very very slow pace but maybe this is actual progress.

[cavalier99]

Sounds like your recovering your balls! You don't need any of these girls. Ive used the "f*** them all" attitude before and actually went thru a stage in my 20's were I went from being a wus to caring very little for women's feelings (bad) and doing what i wanted without remorse as to their feelings for me as long as i was honest that i didnt want a relationships.

 

Keep in mind this was just with casual dating and hooking up (not in relationships). I think i was subconsciously taking revenge out on new girls for perceived injustices of the past. I out grew this phase but it did help for a while to get my sense of self back. Now I am much more sensitive to hurting someones feelings, forgiving and reflective etcetera.

 

Recover your balls and self esteem and in the future never give both of them away. Maybe one.

[barese1]

So just an update, more for myself really.

 

The last few days I've felt more like me. I still miss the ex but am starting to think about her a lot lot less. i can barely remember what she looks like unless I concentrate. I've not gone on facebook at all for a month, not even once. I have just been offered two jobs locally so I don't need to move. I'm taking both these jobs part time meaning I still will have the choice to pursue either career.

 

The recent girl left for the exact same reason as the ex. I've dealt with that like normal people do. Was upset for a bit, angry then o well whatever.

 

Still don't know why the ex is there in my head slightly but I'm glad she's out of my life. Her actions after the breakup cement that she isn't as nice as she thinks and I do have genuine anger towards her finally.

 

I'm staying away from relationships for a while and finally trying to sort my life out for me. The right girl will come along when I'm not even looking