Green Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 Do I believe the son should get a job? YES Do I believe the son should be evicted? NO Do I believe that this is anger and hate being presented as a helping hand? YES I feel really sorry for all the people who think being nasty and pushing some one away from there family is the only way to teach a person. You know if this were the case you would suspect the people with little or no family to be the most sucessful people but I find that the people who keep their family closest find the most sucess in life. Lets not forget life is about more then moving away from your family and get some job.
sally4sara Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 Do I believe the son should get a job? YES Do I believe the son should be evicted? NO Do I believe that this is anger and hate being presented as a helping hand? YES I feel really sorry for all the people who think being nasty and pushing some one away from there family is the only way to teach a person. You know if this were the case you would suspect the people with little or no family to be the most sucessful people but I find that the people who keep their family closest find the most sucess in life. Lets not forget life is about more then moving away from your family and get some job. That is why it is so disgusting that the mother has raised her son this way. She set him up! And leaves her husband to play the bad guy to a kid she has ruined. If he goes out and interacts with other adults - he will face the same treatment once they get fed up with his learned parasitic nature and aimlessness. Parents who love their kids, give them the knowledge and life skills to not be at the mercy of others. I too would have preferred something was done to guide this kid well before this extreme ultimatum.
2sunny Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 there comes a time where one realizes that what they are doing isn't working. that is when it is best to be willing and open to trying anything new. the OP is willing to try something new. if it doesn't work - something else needs to change. until they find a method for a young adult to find a way to be productive and useful in the world - he needs to continue to changing things up until this young guy finds his way that will work for him.
cybersister Posted May 9, 2010 Posted May 9, 2010 I think the step relationship is a red herring here. I agree the lad will do nothing until he has to. I have a similar situation with my eldest now 23. He dropped out of college at 20, and moped about the house mostly sleeping for a year or two. It was hard on me- I wanted to kick him out as I could see I was doing him no favours allowing him to waste his life, but was concerned what would happen if I did. I ended up giving him an ultimatum- that by a date 6 weeks hence he would either be working ( even if only doing voluntary work) or studying again or not living in my house. He did enrol in college at the 11th hour. I next face the challenge next month when the course finishes. He lacks self confidence and may struggle to find work, but I will have to put the same option to him again. Though I admit that my then long distance partner said he would not have put up with it as long as I had, I think it was my own judgment of myself as a bad mother if I had had to go through with the eviction that caused me to put it off as long as I did . So I think your issue is how to support Mum to be the best parent she can be- she does not want him to end up like his uncle. She needs to see she is not a bad Mum if she uses tough love. some people are motivated by what they want, and others by avoiding what they do not want. It is these latter poeple who respond to threats, and they respond at the 11th hour, ie only when they can see that the threat is real and not and idle one they can ignore
Spiritofnow Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 (edited) Okay, I have read most of the posts on this thread, but not all of them thoroughly. I guess, my comments here are as much for me to purge as they are to offer some reflection. Today, I just did the hardest thing I have ever done - I evicted my 15 year old son. However, I am using this method as a scare tactic more than anything. Of course, he is under-age, and I would never just toss him aside and leave him to fend for himself on a permanent basis, but I did want to drive home the message that when I say something will happen that it will. I won't go in to all of the dynamics of our relationship apart from those that are similar to the original post -- I come from a very dysfunctional and abusive family whom I no longer have any ties with. I guess, the point I am trying to make here is that since healing my wounds through 3 years of therapy I can see that my parenting came from the perspective of trying to avoid the kind of parenting I received--I overcompensated. With retrospect I can see that I never really disciplined my son as an individual, because I was so intent on avoiding the harmful parenting I received. There were lots of dynamics at play that made my parenting less than effective. And, now I have learned a new way of parenting my child - I set clear boundaries and I am consistent with the messages I give him, most importantly I am consistent. I finally realised that being a good parent and loving your child means that you HAVE to have discipline and consequences that enable a young person to take responsibility for their behaviours and consequent choices. I know my son isn't a bad kid, but he has learned along the way that it is acceptable to bend my rules and to disregard me as an individual. Now I have the hard job of changing that process, and there have been improvements and changes. However, he still continues to push the boundaries and negates any kind of responsibility. I realise that I have enabled some of that dynamic, which is why it is even more pertinent that I stick to my guns when he continues to push and push....he needs to learn that he is partly in control of our relationship and the kinds of life he chooses, and that he can change that at any time. I consider what I have done today as the biggest act of love that I can give my son, because I am teaching him valuable lessons. I also told him when I evicted him that this is his home and that when he is ready to stop lying, stealing, and stops being late for school or avoiding going that he can come home. I am making it clear that if he wishes to live here that he has to follow certain boundaries, and I have made it clear that when I say that I will do something that I am consistent. What he probably doesn't realise yet is the strength it took to go through with that and the heartache I feel --I just keep reminding myself that I am not abandoning him and that I am just helping him realise how he needs to behave. I do have concerns that this could backfire on me, but I also know that we couldn't continue living they way we have been. And, I am certainly not going to be irresponsible enough to let him think that his choices are acceptable. For now he chooses the path with the most resistance, but I hope that he will soon realise that life doesn't need to be that way. I guess, I am agreeing with the OP regarding how the mothers passive parenting is doing more harm than good - learned helplessness does not prepare our children for the future. Edited May 31, 2010 by Spiritofnow
Eve Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 Spirit, is your son staying with relatives? Take care, Eve xx
Spiritofnow Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 (edited) Hi, Eve. No. I have no relatives that I would want him to stay with. He came home at 6am this morning for the second day in a row after telling me he had stayed somewhere he hadn't, and I answered the door with a bagful of his clothes . He has a close friend who lives about 5 minutes from where we live and I knew he would go there. I am really angry with him right now, because he came home a while ago to talk, and when he realised that I wasn't going to budge--he take responsibility for the choices he has made and turn things around, he got very aggressive. He slammed his fist against the back-door window and then came in my face shouting and cursing. I calmly told him to leave the house and only return when he is ready to communicate calmly. I have told the mother of his friend that he is staying with that I have not heartlessly thrown him out, but she didn't seem to hear me and proceeded to tell me about her sons behaviour, and I could tell how my son was talking etc that the mother there is not helping matters. I reiterated to him that when he is ready to take responsibility that he can come home. He totally dismisses his own behaviour and minimises the negative effects it causes himself and me--I think his friend and the mother are not helping either. I know she has discipline issues with her son yet I do not see her doing anything constructive to change it. I am not sure what to do now apart from to wait until she gets fed up with my son (which she will) and he is forced to own up and take responsibility. Right now he is consumed with making me the bad guy. Feeling frustrated!!! Edited May 31, 2010 by Spiritofnow
Spiritofnow Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 He is angry, and I believe they are fanning the flames (his friend and the mother) not because they are conspiring, but because she is afraid to be the kind of parent I am being. I will let my son feel his anger and then hopefully he will soon realise that I am still the loving caring mother I have always been and that his place is here with me. I hope he chooses that sooner rather than later. One day he will thank me for being a strong mother and teaching him how to be a better person. Blimey!
DaisyLeigh Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 He is angry, and I believe they are fanning the flames (his friend and the mother) not because they are conspiring, but because she is afraid to be the kind of parent I am being. I will let my son feel his anger and then hopefully he will soon realise that I am still the loving caring mother I have always been and that his place is here with me. I hope he chooses that sooner rather than later. One day he will thank me for being a strong mother and teaching him how to be a better person. Blimey! I think that you are doing the right thing. I get tired of the "rights" that kids seem to have. Yes, THEY have all of the rights, but we have to put up with their abusive bull****, or risk getting into legal trouble. That, IMHO, is wrong. You cannot win, as a parent.
Spiritofnow Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 I think that you are doing the right thing. I get tired of the "rights" that kids seem to have. Yes, THEY have all of the rights, but we have to put up with their abusive bull****, or risk getting into legal trouble. That, IMHO, is wrong. You cannot win, as a parent. I think if I could have been a less confused parent when he was younger that some of the issues I am facing due to his behaviour and choices could have been prevented. Right now, I am trying to highlight that he does have choices, but I will not be bound by them when they are abusive or negative for either of us. Thank you for your support.
Spiritofnow Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 In fact I will go as far as to say that my son WANTS me to be the bad guy. He needs me to to be the bad guy, because that way he can continue avoiding taking ANY responsibility for himself - that is the biggest disservice I did to our relationship - I always made myself responsible for his behaviour, and that is why I dislike where he is staying because they empower that skewed thinking he has, and in-turn dis-empower my role as a healthy-boundary-making-mother. I just hope the novelty of being there soon wears off.
Eve Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 When will he be 16? Have you tried to get help from The Youth Offending Team regarding his behaviour/s? Aggression, not going to school, stealing.. these are all things that you can receive help with NOW. If not, he could end up becoming an offender. I have a 15 year old who grew to understand that if she continued to play up that I would house her in supported housing as soon as she touched 16. She stopped misbehaving mainly because she knew that I meant every word. My daughters misbehaviour was partially down to hanging around with deviant kids. I would do over the top things such as call the Police if she stayed out later than permitted and we went into family therapy in the end. I cant tell you how helpful that was! Anyhow, she seems to have made the right choice and has calmed her little arse down. She stole, lied and basically became a little bitch overnight.. but not now. Good as gold now. However, I must point out that turning out a child who is under 16 can be deemed as neglect... but you have said that you know where he is. Ask at your sons school about help via The Youth Offending Team though. They have a department that few know about that has workers trained to help families going through the precise crisis point that you are experiencing. You are not alone. The team mentioned will also be able to get you linked in with parenting workers etc.. Please remember that as annoying as all of this is that what he is doing is basically trying out different personalities. Some research suggests that our personality becomes fixed by a certain age and until then we basically try out different versions of what we think fits. You role is to guide him within the confines of what is acceptable and what is not acceptable behaviour. From what you have said he is on the outskirts of what is acceptable. Hope it works out. Please, please keep us posted.. Take care, Eve xx
Spiritofnow Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 Novelty, wore off already!!!! He rang me and apologised and asked if he could come back home. He said he realises that the onus to change is on him, and I reminded him that it is not my behaviour that is in question as my choice to evict him was due to his unreasonable behaviour and once that changes things will be better. Now the plan is to highlight what I believe is reasonable, and then just keep being consistent. Phew! Empowered mother = empowered child.
Spiritofnow Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 (edited) Eve, I just saw your response. Yes, we have had help with YOT--in fact we had a multiple agency approach at one time, which only made matters worse. YOT were the most effective and are ironically withdrawing their services in a few weeks. We have got over the worst behaviours and I think he is just testing whether I buckle or how far he can go--I think he just found that out : ) I feel confident that I can handle things on my own now, but it is great to have someone else who believes in assertive parenting. Well done on dealing with your daughter so effectively you sound like a good mum. And, thanks for taking the time to respond I really appreciate it. I will be back on here to update and I hope I run across you again. Thank you. Edited May 31, 2010 by Spiritofnow
Eve Posted May 31, 2010 Posted May 31, 2010 (edited) Eve, I just saw your response. Yes, we have had help with YOT--in fact we had a multiple agency approach at one time, which only made matters worse. YOT were the most effective and are ironically withdrawing their services in a few weeks. We have got over the worst behaviours and I think he is just testing whether I buckle or how far he can go--I think he just found that out : ) I feel confident that I can handle things on my own now, but it is great to have someone else who believes in assertive parenting. Well done on dealing with your daughter so effectively you sound like a good mum. And, thanks for taking the time to respond I really appreciate it. I will be back on here to update and I hope I run across you again. Thank you. I am glad that the YOT have been helpful. I find them more effective than Social Care.. See how things go, maybe they could stay on the case in order to get him through the summer? You may need them to help keep him occupied with activities/clubs etc.. Your boy needs to know that there are consequences to actions and that you will not take his side and collude with him when he is doing wrong. My daughter thought that she could push me because she knows she is loved. She was like, 'oh, why cant you be like my friends Mums? They dont go on like you, blah, blah blah'. I told her that if she didnt stop with the nonsense that I would go and tell her friends parents a thing or two as well. Some of them are absolute useless bastards and should have their children removed and a procedure which will prevent them from having any further children. :mad: :mad: My daughters problem was she was in with the 'plastics' for a time. You know, girls who watch too many soap operas and wear too much makeup. That **** had to stop. Now she has decent friends and not what I call 'town slags' and confides in me about things. Saying that you feel strong enough is a really good sign. It took me a while to feel confident enough to say this. I would get bad dreams and every morning was a struggle to get her school.. it was endless. But I got help from my family in the end, outside agencies and my Hubby has been marvelous. Tell it how it is Spirit and dont back down. Dont give impossible orders or anything mad like that but never collude with behaviour that is not acceptable. This can only hurt them long term. *Hugs* Take care, Eve xx Edited May 31, 2010 by Eve
linwood Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 I had decided what I was going to do about my situation so I deserted this thread for awhile fearing it might dampen my resolve. I kinda forgot about it until it came back up top recently. When I last posted there was about two weeks left on the ultimatum deadline. (The boy had to pay $300.00 rent or move out the first of May.) I sat down and asked him if he had made any plans for what he was going to do on the 1st. He said "No" ...just "No". I told him I thought it was interesting that he has had 6 weeks to figure out what he was going to do and he hadn`t even bothered to expend the effort of "thinking" about it. He got real nervous and tried to give me some line about a babysitting job he "might get" in a week or so. I told him that I didn`t believe a person who could remain in a horizontal position on the couch for 20 hours a day could possibly be looking for a job. (Babysitting job..WTF??) I pointed out his options for him since it didn`t seem like he was even capable of figuring them out on his own. I pointed out the fact that even if he got a job the next day he`d never get a paycheck in time to pay the rent so he should consider another option to buy time. I told him his last option was to move in with his dad and asked if he had even spoken to his dad about his new situation and he said he hadn`t. I essentially let him know that the ultimatum wasn`t bull**** and he was screwed if he didn`t move and move fast. That was the end of the conversation and I went off to bed. Now, I honestly thought he would borrow the money from his brother. To his credit he didn`t. The next day ( I swear I`m not making this up) he was up at 6:00am because he had a couple of job leads he needed to hit before school at 11:00. He didn`t come home that day until late and said he had been looking for a job. That night he went to his dad`s for the weekend (He hadn`t seen his father in months). He got back from the weekend at his dad`s and spent the next week or so doing what we`ve been asking him to do for years. He was genuinely job hunting...I know because I was giving him a lot of lifts to get to them as was my wife. So he finally got off his ass..at least for awhile. You`d think this motivation would have pleased my wife and it did in one respect but the main emotion I saw in response to this newfound drive in the boy was anger. She was seriously pissed off that a 10 minute conversation with me got this response from him when she`d been harping on him FOR YEARS. She considered it a total and complete lack of respect for her (Which it was). Anyway it solved the problem that led me to post this thread. I dont fear my wife wavering if and when he doesn`t come up with the rent anymore. I`m fairly confident she`ll do the kicking out herself at this point if it comes to that. Without a word from me. Anyway, he didn`t get a job so he sold the van his mom gave him that had been rotting in my front yard for months. (That solved two problems in one stroke) He also cashed a couple of savings bonds he had. This gave him $500.00 and he gave his mother his $300.00 rent. That night she told me he had given her the $300.00 and that he had $200.00 left over and said "So if he doesn`t have at least $200.00 when the first of next month comes he`s moving to his dads." Three things happened here that seemed to me changed her attitude to a firm resolve. 1:He displayed his utter disrespect for her out in the open and seriously angered her. 2:May was his last month of school for the year and she had guilt about screwing up his schooling if he had to move a town away to live with his dad. (School is out now so she doesn`t have that potential guilt.) 3:She found out his girlfriend is 16 years old which really disappoints her. He has gone back to his old ways for pretty much the entirety of this past month. The intense motivation I seem to have inspired was very short lived. We`re back to about 15 hours on the couch a day. Today is June 1st. We`ll see what happens later today when his mother finds out he blew that $200.00 he had and he is broke. I think he`s in for a surprise.
linwood Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 Novelty, wore off already!!!! He rang me and apologised and asked if he could come back home. He said he realises that the onus to change is on him, and I reminded him that it is not my behaviour that is in question as my choice to evict him was due to his unreasonable behaviour and once that changes things will be better. Now the plan is to highlight what I believe is reasonable, and then just keep being consistent. Phew! Empowered mother = empowered child. I wish you luck spirit. You`re in a very difficult situation and I don`t envy you but you seem to be on the right track. Don`t waver.
linwood Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 Ok, I`ve taken some time to catch up with this thread and want to reply to some questions . -The kid is not doing drugs. I haven`t tested him (Not that I could he`s an adult) but trust me when I tell you I have been intimately involved in the drug culture in my past and he isn`t a part of it. Both boys are very anti-drugs. Apparently DARE occasionally gets results. - I understand and agree with the point of getting rid of the video games. I have done so in the past. However, the game systems belong to the younger boy ( he purchased them with his own earnings) he and my daughter also play with them . The younger boy and girl are both doing very well and don`t waste their lives playing these games so I am very hesitant to do something that punishes them for their brothers problem. I may have to remove them to the younger brothers room but that`s the type of stress I`d rather not apply to this situation at this point. -To the question of my feelings about kicking my own (biological)child out. No I wouldn`t hesitate to kick her out but it will not be a problem with my daughter as I am fully involved in her upbringing and my wife doesn`t have the same stressed reaction to me disciplining my daughter as she did to me disciplining her boys. Quite honestly because of this oldest boy I can see the pitfalls of coddling and absolutely will not allow it with my daughter. I have made it perfectly clear that my daughter will not be coddled the way the boys have. This is actually a daily chore for me to keep my wife from doing the same thing with our daughter she has done with her boys. My daughters life is far less easy than the boys lives have been and it shows in her achievements. She is challenged, she is responsible for things the boys were never allowed to be responsible for. -To the point that my wifes problem is "divorce guilt". Absolutely right on the money but I believe in the past year she`s come to see that she has a problem and is working on it albeit slowly. -As for making his life miserable. That is the ultimate solution I believe and it seems we`re heading in that direction due to my wife's anger at the disrespect she now clearly sees in his actions. She told him that we will be requiring some documentation of his performance in school. We`ve had a hard time with this because he is an adult and we cannot gain access to his records and he always has an excuse for not being able to provide them. They have now become a requirement of his staying in the house along with paying the rent. School is out at the end of the week so we`ll see how that goes. I`ll appreciate any further suggestions of things I could do to motivate him in this manner. -As to my resentment/anger for this boy. Yes it exists but it also exists in his own mother. She`s tired of his **** but feels guilt over him. I do not see how I could spend 13 years with this boy lying to me stealing from me and pretty much overall behaving like someone I wouldn`t allow my kids to hang out with without forming some resentment. I apologize for being human, and honest about it. This problem will melt away the moment he earnestly strives to become a better person. -To those have have said he will wait until the final hour. You were all absolutely correct. A very last minute butt saving he pulled off coming up with the rent. I am very happy he was able to actually find a solution (Albeit temporary) on his own and pull it off. I was very worried he might be incapable entirely. -For those who have posted here because they find themselves in a similar situation. Y`all make me feel much better about the path I`ve taken and the possible results. I thank you and wish you luck in your own attempts. Thanks.
Spiritofnow Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 (edited) Hey, Linwood, I just read all your updates. Firstly thank you for your support concerning the issues I have had with my son. I feel for you, because your stepson is a little older and perhaps a little more resolved to remain the way he is, for now anyway. Have you and your wife thought about family mediation??? It seems from what you have outlined that there are a lot of unresolved feelings between your step-son and your wife. I think perhaps, that a place where they can both untangle their feelings would be good for the future of their relationship, and for your step-son. He has learned his behaviour, and most of your issues sound like behavioural ones to me. I feel he needs to realise that he can get results by being more positive. Sometimes kids learn that negative behaviour gets them what they need. A question; when he raised the first lot of money and was job hunting did you and your wife praise his efforts - I mean, really express your joy and positive feelings concerning what he was doing??? It takes time to undo the effects of a negative parenting style, and of course, I do not advocate permitting unreasonable behaviour, but continuing to support him in some way (like the family mediation) would ensure that his future looks a little brighter. We only do the things we do in life if they are providing us with the needs we have - I think your stepson is confused about how to get what he needs and wants. Being tough with a child and asserting boundaries is in my mind the right way to parent a child, but I also think that not giving up until you can find a way to bridge the gap is also another form of love. I guess, what I am trying to say is, sure go ahead with your promise and evict him, but still remain consistent and involved in his life after that happens so that he learns rather than running and hiding from a situation that if he is prepared at some point to change things that he can have a positive life with you guys. Leave the door ajar, and perhaps try the mediation? I also think that the mediation should initially take place between your wife and your step-son and then when they are beginning to be more honest with each other and themselves other members including you could join in. I feel for you and your family. ps my boy did well yesterday,,,when he returned I had some chores ready for him to complete, which he did, and when he went out yesterday he came home before his curfew. I am under no illusion that one day fixes everything, but I feel he learned valuable lessons yesterday, and I will continue to teach him that his positive choices ARE what get my attention. Being a parent can be a tough job!!!! : ) Edited June 1, 2010 by Spiritofnow
sally4sara Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 One of my friends when growing up was never given consequences. She lied, stole, skipped school, did drugs, broke curfew and never held a job. Her parents were very permissive and uninvolved. Sure she would get grounded, but she just didn't listen to whatever the rules of being grounded entailed and her parents never followed through with any consequences they gave her warning about. We had a falling out because she stole from my house and we lost touch after that. I'd often hear about the mess that was her life over the years. She birthed 3 kids; kept custody of none in the long run. They all ended up in the care of relatives. I heard she got hooked on meth and supported her habit with prostitution. The last kid she had was because of the prostitution and has heath issues due to meth use during the pregnancy. I find this relevant because last night, one of the girls we use to run with contacted me to let me know our mutual and troubled friend is now dead at age 35 from her drug use and lifestyle. Death - the one consequence that always follows through. RIP Heather.
turnera Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 A couple of thoughts. I have found that nowadays we do not expect ENOUGH from our kids. We have dumbed down society so much that they honestly don't think they should have to work hard or achieve, because they'll eventually get what they want anyway, right? I think back to 50-100 years ago when kids had chores, and it wasn't done as anything more than 'you're part of this family and as such you have responsibilities.' Responsibilities are what creates the person. Read any book on child psychology. Read any history book; look at what having to achieve gets you, vs having things handed to you. Also goes for school. I'm ashamed of what our schools let kids graduate with today. Did you ever get that email about what kids in the 1910's knew vs what we know today? It's so sad. Kids WANT to learn. Absorb. Think. But we let them slide by saying 'that's too hard' or 'I don't want to upset him.' That is the disservice we're doing to our kids. My other thought is that I've found, raising a 19 year old daughter, that what WE assume they know, they don't. I have to walk her through a process as simple as how to make a doctor's appointment, how to be prepared for it with insurance, that you have to wait at the counter afterward for paperwork or payment...etc. All the things we take for granted, they have to learn how to do. Even something that seems as simple as preparing for getting a job...may seem impossible for a kid who doesn't know how to look online for jobs, how to approach a store owner and ask if they're hiring, how to gather your info together so you can fill out an application, how long it takes a company to receive applications and then arrange interviews and then decide to hire... These can be solved by talking more, IMO. It's funny watching DD19 repeating things I've said out loud in front of her, as her own thoughts. She doesn't even realize it. But they soak up everything we say and do, and that becomes part of who they are. So if you want them to have good work ethics, talk about how you hated a job but you stuck with it because you had bills to pay; if you want them to not give up, talk about how you once had to spend 2 months filling out applications before you finally found a job; if you want them to get off the couch, talk about the summer you spent watching soap operas, gained 30 pounds, and missed out on the party of the year because you then had no money to afford to go cos you never got up and got a job. Stuff like that. Let them hear how you solve(d) things. Ask them if they know what they need to know to accomplish something. Ask if they need help. I've found that DD19 often will just not attempt something because she doesn't know what's involved, but once I show her how to do it, she jumps up and takes care of it. For instance, I had her start calling to make her own doctor's appointments back when she was about 16, so she'd know how to do it when she's out on her own. I taught her how to set up a bank account, how to fill out a check, how to pay a bill. Things like that.
califnan Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 In Reference to Lynwood's story. Never marry a woman who has children, if you cannot create the so-called 'blended' family.. Conflict, competition is not blending.
donnamaybe Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 In Reference to Lynwood's story. Never marry a woman who has children, if you cannot create the so-called 'blended' family.. Conflict, competition is not blending. And rolling over and letting a kid walk all over you on his way to the video game will hurt said kid. Just because you marry into a family with children doesn't mean one should turn a blind eye to irresponsible and criminal behavior in them. RE: Linwood's last post - it sounds like he AND the wife are on the same page now. SUCCESS!!! Let's hope it continues.
califnan Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 RE: Linwood's last post - it sounds like he AND the wife are on the same page now. SUCCESS!!! ----------------- That's what he has wanted all of these years regarding the stepson.. And it is not over.
donnamaybe Posted June 1, 2010 Posted June 1, 2010 That's why I said...Let's hope it continues. However, if Linwood hadn't pushed the issue as he had (as a good father should), the kid would be the same or worse.
Recommended Posts