SP's coping log

[Star Gazer]

Going to the gym is another thing I want to do once the semester ends.

 

I'm not very athletic. In fact, my body is really weak (always has been), but maybe I could get in better shape.

 

Why must you wait until the semester ends to get out and get some exercise? Some fresh air? Some natural endorphins?

 

In telling yourself you're weak (physically, emotionally, whatever), you're only making yourself feel worse.

[shadowplay]

Why must you wait until the semester ends to get out and get some exercise? Some fresh air? Some natural endorphins?

 

In telling yourself you're weak (physically, emotionally, whatever), you're only making yourself feel worse.

 

Yeah, I guess I could probably work some exercise into my schedule even this week.

[Kamille]

I haven't put you on ignore.

 

External interests are something I need to develop. As a kid I liked writing, drawing, reading, but those kind of fell by the wayside as other things started to occupy my brain. I'd love to get back into some of that stuff.

 

Going to the gym is another thing I want to do once the semester ends.

 

Any other suggestions, guys?

 

I'm not very athletic. In fact, my body is really weak (always has been), but maybe I could get in better shape.

 

Yoga! I know it's beyond trendy right now, but I believe it's trendy for a reason. It doesn't matter if you're athletic or not or if you're in shape or not, yoga will make you feel better. The whole goal of the practice is to find balance, flexibility and strength, physically and spiritually.

 

I always do yoga when I'm heartbroken becomes it calms me down and helps me connect with myself.

[Star Gazer]

I always do yoga when I'm heartbroken becomes it calms me down and helps me connect with myself.

 

Yup. I always alternated yoga and running. Running in the morning to get out the anger, yoga in the evening to find peace and relax.

[sb129]

I love yoga too.

 

SP my body was an total mess after I had wonderbaby, and its still got a long way to go before its restored to its former glory. I couldn't even cough properly my stomach muscles were so weak.

 

But if I, a working mum, can find time to exercise, you can.

Even if you just start with walking for 45min a day- its better than nothing.

[Kamille]

Yup. I always alternated yoga and running. Running in the morning to get out the anger, yoga in the evening to find peace and relax.

 

I also combine cardio and yoga. I'm way better at working out when heartbroken. It's the one thing that gets me through.

 

I also do SB's happy playlist, but mine involves dancing around furiously in the privacy in my living room.

 

And, when I can afford it, I go get a professional massage. Again, it relaxes me and helps me connect with myself and slows my thought down (stops my head from spinning). At those times I've gotten stomach massages. It releases emotions: I've often cried on the therapist's table, but the whole idea behing the stomach massage is to release emotions, so the therapists almost expects a good cry.

[shadowplay]

fck. he literally just stopped by my house and didn't tell me he was coming to "get something" of his. i lost it when i saw him. wtf. i can't win, guys.

 

I ended up ripping into him and telling him how much I loathe him, and then feeling ****ty afterwards. Goddamnit. Why won't he leave me alone.

 

Just when I was starting to feel strong, this happeend.

[shadowplay]

God, I hate him so much. I wish he'd just leave me alone.

[Hot Carl]

I'm the one on ignore. It's too bad, too, because I was going to post that I think shadow is an really great and interesting girl and has a bright future ahead of her full of love. But she'll never know that now.

 

Anyway, I agree her ex needs to leave her alone. He actually might now. It doesn't matter if she blows up at him and calls him names and hates him openly. If she's going to mistreat anyone, he's the one person in the world who it's justified to vent on. All is fair.

[shadowplay]

I'm the one on ignore. It's too bad, too, because I was going to post that I think shadow is an really great and interesting girl and has a bright future ahead of her full of love. But she'll never know that now.

 

Anyway, I agree her ex needs to leave her alone. He actually might now. It doesn't matter if she blows up at him and calls him names and hates him openly. If she's going to mistreat anyone, he's the one person in the world who it's justified to vent on. All is fair.

 

I'd never put you on ignore!

[Kamille]

fck. he literally just stopped by my house and didn't tell me he was coming to "get something" of his. i lost it when i saw him. wtf. i can't win, guys.

 

I ended up ripping into him and telling him how much I loathe him, and then feeling ****ty afterwards. Goddamnit. Why won't he leave me alone.

 

Just when I was starting to feel strong, this happeend.

 

 

He's ego-tripping! By ignoring him today, you showed him you were committed to moving on and he can't handle that. It's all about him apparently. He wants to keep you on the backburner and doesn't want you to move on. You're showing signs you are, so he's got to act up. He's not thinking of your well-being at all. Which is no surprise considering how he handled the break-up. It was all about him, all along and he thinks it's still all about him.

 

There's only one thing you can do and that's to continue to do everything in your power to heal. Move on. Leave that boy eating your dust Shadow.

[sunshinegirl]

 

He's ego-tripping! By ignoring him today, you showed him you were committed to moving on and he can't handle that. It's all about him apparently. He wants to keep you on the backburner and doesn't want you to move on. You're showing signs you are, so he's got to act up. He's not thinking of your well-being at all. Which is no surprise considering how he handled the break-up. It was all about him, all along and he thinks it's still all about him.

 

There's only one thing you can do and that's to continue to do everything in your power to heal. Move on. Leave that boy eating your dust Shadow.

 

Agree 100% with this. Note that he did NOT come over to apologize, or make amends: he came over with a lame excuse of retrieving something, just to be in your face and get a reaction out of you.

 

Immature little toad.

 

You can too, win, SP. Winning involves getting over this completely inadequate and insecure man-child and allowing only those who are worthy of you into your GREAT life.

 

(((hugs)))

[shadowplay]

 

He's ego-tripping! By ignoring him today, you showed him you were committed to moving on and he can't handle that. It's all about him apparently. He wants to keep you on the backburner and doesn't want you to move on. You're showing signs you are, so he's got to act up. He's not thinking of your well-being at all. Which is no surprise considering how he handled the break-up. It was all about him, all along and he thinks it's still all about him.

 

There's only one thing you can do and that's to continue to do everything in your power to heal. Move on. Leave that boy eating your dust Shadow.

 

I don't know I kind of acted like an idiot when he came by.

 

Last night really set me back. I caved when he came to my door, and started hugging him. We lay on my bed for awhile and didn't do anything sexual but just kind of hugged. He passively went along with it.

 

I asked him if he still loves me as much as he did a few weeks ago. (He's told me consistently that his feelings for me haven't changed). He said he's still in love with me but he loves me a little less now than he did a week ago, and that's only natural. That really, really hurt. I know I shouldn't have asked, but I just totally lost it when he came by.

 

Also he mentioned how these professors I know well really loved this video piece he'd been working on for the last few days, and called it an "accomplishment," and that also made me feel ****ty since I've been feeling down on my own work and have had difficulty concentrating.

 

I just feel like he's better than me in every respect. Here he is doing good things, being successful, while I'm trying as hard as I can to get stuff done, but barely able to hold myself together.

 

Since last night I've been miserable.

Edited May 4, 2010 by shadowplay

[Star Gazer]

I asked him if he still loves me as much as he did a few weeks ago. (He's told me consistently that his feelings for me haven't changed).

 

This isn't true at all. You've asked him several times since the break up if he still loves you, and each time he's told you he feels a less than the time before you asked... I think denial is one of the stages of grief (the first?), and I think you're backsliding to it.

 

So, you literally clung on to him while he laid there passively? Did you have sex? Or ask him to have sex?

[Kamille]

I

 

 

 

Since last night I've been miserable.

 

Well - yes, you would feel terrible. The situation is completely unfair to you and he's clearly taking advantage of it.

 

While writing my previous post, I edited out a paragraph where I discussed the fact that at one point I came to the realization that 3 out of 4 of the men I really fell hard for in the past shared one thing in common: they all seemed to be incredibly self-centered. Not when you first met them, but when you got to know them, it became obvious that they always put themselves first. I don't know why this is and if it's perhaps just me rewriting history, but if it is true, it begs the question: why am I drawn to men who are self-centered?

 

I think the same question holds true for you and that you have your answer:

 

I just feel like he's better than me in every respect. Here he is doing good things, being successful, while I'm trying as hard as I can to get stuff done, but barely able to hold myself together.

 

Issue number one is that you have to believe in yourself and love yourself for who you are. You don't have to be perfect to be lovable. And I'm sure you're harder on yourself and your work then you need to be, while he has no problem bragging about himself.

 

Perhaps we both value in men what we see as lacking in ourselves, and that leaves us particular vulnerable to men who are self-centered. See, they dig our admiration, love how much we admire them but then hold our weaknesses against us (because we allow them).

 

Don't beat yourself up, but why not try to visualize different outcomes for last night's surprised visit: you refuse to make yourself vulnerable to him and watch him grovel for your attention. Visualize it so that the next time he pulls a selfish stunt like that, you will be better equipped at handling the situation from a position of power, instead of a position of weakness. You can do this Shadow.

Edited May 4, 2010 by Kamille

[shadowplay]

This isn't true at all. You've asked him several times since the break up if he still loves you, and each time he's told you he feels a less than the time before you asked... I think denial is one of the stages of grief (the first?), and I think you're backsliding to it.

 

So, you literally clung on to him while he laid there passively? Did you have sex? Or ask him to have sex?

 

No, he said he felt more detached, but he didn't love me any less than he did. Last night he said since a week ago he's loved me less.

[shadowplay]

So, you literally clung on to him while he laid there passively? Did you have sex? Or ask him to have sex?

 

Yeah, I didn't want to have sex. It didn't even come up. We hugged and kissed a little and that was all. I did most of the initiating. I asked him if he wanted me to touch him at all and he said, "sure, if you want."

[Kamille]

ah poor sweetie. You're really hung up on him aren't you?

 

 

Cry it out, it's okay. It does hurt.

 

I mean, don't get me wrong, I think he's a waste of your precious time and would love to see you decide you deserve much better than the kind of treatment he is giving you. But you're not ready yet, are you?

[threebyfate]

shadow, if he were a good guy, he would leave you alone. His retarded attenshun seeking is to ensure you're kept on a string.

 

"Give me attenshun, I want attenshun, you luff me, I want attenshun since it makes me feel good about myself!"

 

Nevermind how cruel it is to you. If anything he's thriving on your pain, since it means you still care about him.

 

As an analogy, think about a starving dog being fed by its owner with grain. Just enough to keep the dog loving his owner but with no nutritional value to sustain it. The dog's going to die from malnutrition one day but it will die loving its owner.

 

Makes me want to vomit thinking about it.

[Green]

Yeah, I didn't want to have sex. It didn't even come up. We hugged and kissed a little and that was all. I did most of the initiating. I asked him if he wanted me to touch him at all and he said, "sure, if you want."

 

I'm so confused.

[Star Gazer]

I'm so confused.

 

At this point she's bringing it upon herself. He's doing nothing wrong at this point. She's initiating, and he's just going along with it...

 

No pride. None.

[Green]

At this point she's bringing it upon herself. He's doing nothing wrong at this point. She's initiating, and he's just going along with it...

 

No pride. None.

 

Still makes no sense. I guess thats as close an explanation I get

[shadowplay]

Still makes no sense. I guess thats as close an explanation I get

 

What makes no sense?

[shadowplay]

Well tonight in class is the last I have to see of him for awhile. I'll probably run into him here and there over the summer, but that's pretty much it. I hope it gets easier now that he isn't always in my face.

[shadowplay]

At this point she's bringing it upon herself. He's doing nothing wrong at this point. She's initiating, and he's just going along with it...

 

No pride. None.

 

I didn't initiate him coming over. I felt like that was wrong on his part, especially because he gave me no advance warning, and because I'd already made it clear to him I no longer wanted to see him.

 

I agree that once he came over, I should have just ignored him but it was a lot harder than I expected.