Sex Without Emotion for Women - Is it possible?

[SilkRose]

It's funny. When my ex comes back into town, I will def not have sex with him. He is disqualified straight away. He won't like it but, that's life.

Seriously we won't be friends anymore. Sad I guess. But that's life too.

[kiss_andmakeup]

It's funny. When my ex comes back into town, I will def not have sex with him. He is disqualified straight away. He won't like it but, that's life.

Seriously we won't be friends anymore. Sad I guess. But that's life too.

 

I also wanted to note, after peeking at your other thread, that if you're still hurt by a breakup, casual sex with some random guy is rarely going to make you feel better. For me the time I had the most fun with casual-type relationships was after I ended a long-expired relationship that had been somewhat passionless and sexless for a long time. I was excited to be single and excited to just experience sex with men who weren't my ex.

 

If you're still hurting from your boyfriend's cruel break-up then your decision to put sex on the back burner for a while is probably a good one. I do hope, though, that you don't remain celibate for all of your 20's (as indicated in your other thread) and that once you get over this guy you are able to go out there and have fun.

 

Definitely agree that you shouldn't have sex with him. You shouldn't even give him the time of day. No texts, no emails, no nothing.

[EricaH329]

A whole different thread could result from Erica's response regarding having unemotional sex with an ex. Maybe I'll re-visit that after my divorce is done

 

I will be more than happy to answer your questions

[CarrieT]

Now women are quite different.. Usually women have sex for the first time with a guy they atleast think they love.. Not many girls are in a hurry to get banged by anybody.

 

Now over time, many girls can become abused, scorned, hurt, influenced by media etc, and they will drift away from their true nature, which is attaching sex to love.

 

While women CAN physically have casual sex over the years and it does not destroy them, inside they are never truly content with this..A very small % that might have underwent abuse/are bipolar/repeatedly hurt can block out their natural female emotions as a way to protect themselves.

 

And with so many women here telling you that you are wrong, why do you perpetuate this belief that because some of us CAN and DO enjoy casual sex, many of us are NOT bi-polar or block-out "natural female emotions." Why do you insist on continually pegging females into a sociological order that is not necessarily true?

 

 

Thanks, that's so specific, do you have romantic feelings afterwards? How do you manage them? Who do you sleep with, friends or other people?

 

I do NOT have romantic feelings towards the men I sleep with. How do I manage them? I text them to see what their schedules might be when I am in the mood. Are they friends? Some are and some are not. The guy who makes me squirt is definitely not a friend with whom I socialize. We just hook-up ever few weeks. Sometimes he wants to spend the night but I have gotten to the point of only inviting him over for nooners and not at night to discourage it (mostly because I get up at 4:30 a.m. and he sleeps until 7:00).

[CaliGuy]

OP this is why I say for the most part, FWBs are bad idea because eventually someone's feelings are going to change (sex has SOME emotional investment automatically, the level depending on the person). Sex was never meant to be a casual activity. The danger goes beyond just STDs. It can ruin relationships/marriages and cause heartbreak and disappointment.

 

If you're someone who has a hard time separating love and sex then you shouldn't ever try the FWB route. Instead, be patient. You'll find the right guy.

 

A lot of people want to show their "belt notches" as some kind of trophy. IMHO, that's really nothing to brag about...

[deux ex machina]

I get attached...and when I fall, I fall hard...I just don't think I'm capable of that kind of emotional compartmentalization.

[calizaggy]

I disagree...

 

My ONS...was GORGEOUS...probably the hottest man I've ever been with, but dumb as a sack of rocks; love was definitely not on the brain, I was just "in a hurry to get banged by him." :D:cool:

 

My post was about when a woman loses her virginity. You are describing how you lost your virginity?

 

But at the same time, many of you ladies are providing a valuable service for men, free and easy sex.. So we can't complain.. Not all women are marriage material, nor are all men.

Edited February 7, 2010 by calizaggy

[kiss_andmakeup]

My post was about when a woman loses her virginity. You are describing how you lost your virginity?

 

But at the same time, many of you ladies are providing a valuable service for men, free and easy sex.. So we can't complain.. Not all women are marriage material, nor are all men.

 

You said, and I quote, "for the first time with a guy," so I assumed you meant just that. For the first time with a specific guy. You didn't say for the first time period.

 

And that argument is moot too, because I knew many guys in high school who wanted to wait for their first time...maybe almost as many as girls. It's after the first time that it all goes to hell. ;]

[calizaggy]

And that argument is moot too, because I knew many guys in high school who wanted to wait for their first time...;]

 

 

HAHAHAHA.. Yeah right...

 

 

Strange how you seem to be advocating casual sex with no emotions but ADMIT you had it one time in your entire life after a break up..If it is so great why haven't you done it much more? No more good looking guys want to bang you?

[EricaH329]

My post was about when a woman loses her virginity. You are describing how you lost your virginity?

 

But at the same time, many of you ladies are providing a valuable service for men, free and easy sex.. So we can't complain.. Not all women are marriage material, nor are all men.

 

I find it amusing how you continue to label us as 'non-marriage material' because we enjoy sex.

 

Everyones opinion and preference is different, but for you to be judgemental and label someone as not being marriage worthy because of that, is rediculous. Who are you to say who is marriage worthy?

 

Anyway, OP, I totally know where you are coming from. I was at that point once, also. Unsure of whether or not I would be able to. As long as you are honest with yourself, you won't have any problems with deciding whether it's right for you or not. You are, no doubt, a smart woman.

[kiss_andmakeup]

HAHAHAHA.. Yeah right...

 

 

Strange how you seem to be advocating casual sex with no emotions but ADMIT you had it one time in your entire life after a break up..If it is so great why haven't you done it much more? No more good looking guys want to bang you?

 

I'm not advocating it, because the question wasn't whether or not you advocate it, the question was whether or not it's possible, and I was stating that it is.

 

I haven't done it much more because I'm 22, I've only been sexually active since I was 17, and have been in two long term relationships during that time. So that's 5 years of being sexually active, over 4 of which were spent in a relationship. That leaves around 8 months of me being single. During that time I had a ONS and a couple of flings before meeting my current BF. Now I am happy because I am emotionally and sexually fulfilled. As I believe I already stated, while being only sexually fulfilled is good and fun, having both (emotional & sexual) is the ultimate goal. I've reached that goal, so I'm good. :]

[EricaH329]

HAHAHAHA.. Yeah right...

 

 

Strange how you seem to be advocating casual sex with no emotions but ADMIT you had it one time in your entire life after a break up..If it is so great why haven't you done it much more? No more good looking guys want to bang you?

 

Are you dense? Did we not just explain why we don't like doing it all the time?

 

My goodness! It's like you don't hear anything we are saying to you! You only stick to your side regardless of what everyone is explaining to you. Then you repeat yourself, after we've already discussed that.

[calizaggy]

I would not want to marry a girl who has "switches" in regards to sex. Meaning she really doesn't care too much who enters her body, as long it feels good. Some men will settle..

 

Erica, how many men have you had casual sex with , with no emotions?

Edited February 7, 2010 by calizaggy

[EricaH329]

I would not want to marry a girl who has "switches" in regards to sex. Meaning she really doesn't care too much who enters her body, as long it feels good. Some men will settle..

 

Erica, how many men have you had casual sex with , with no emotions?

 

Again, that's your opinion of what marriage material is. Not all mens.

 

And i've already discussed with you how many times i've had casual sex, if you'd like you can go back and re-read the post. I'm not repeating myself.

[Ruby Slippers]

I haven't read the rest of the thread, but my answer to the question is yes.

 

I have recently learned (for the first time ever, really), that I can have sex just for physical enjoyment, without any emotional fallout. I am still very selective with a partner, mainly because STDs exist, and in some cases, women bear the brunt of health risk and trouble relating to STDs. For instance, men are just carriers of HPV, but it can cause cervical cancer in women. I have always been very careful with my health, and I continue to be amazed that so many are so cavalier with theirs.

 

I have spent a lot of time and energy researching sex and love and the brain chemistry involved, so I understand why I have the emotional reactions that I do, whether from going on a date, kissing, or having sex (bonding hormones, rush of good chemicals, etc.). And knowledge is power. Understanding these reactions means I can avoid attaching certain meanings to them.

 

If I get a chemical rush during sex with a man, I know what's going on and why. I don't have to take it any further than a fun, sensual time.

[stillafool]

Men are not wired to form the same bond a woman does after sex. Sorry, that's life.

 

 

Oh yeah, then why do men fall head over heels in love? Oh, and then come here to LS and complain that these women don't want them anymore?

[SilkRose]

I also wanted to note, after peeking at your other thread, that if you're still hurt by a breakup, casual sex with some random guy is rarely going to make you feel better. For me the time I had the most fun with casual-type relationships was after I ended a long-expired relationship that had been somewhat passionless and sexless for a long time. I was excited to be single and excited to just experience sex with men who weren't my ex.

 

If you're still hurting from your boyfriend's cruel break-up then your decision to put sex on the back burner for a while is probably a good one. I do hope, though, that you don't remain celibate for all of your 20's (as indicated in your other thread) and that once you get over this guy you are able to go out there and have fun.

 

Definitely agree that you shouldn't have sex with him. You shouldn't even give him the time of day. No texts, no emails, no nothing.

 

Thank you. I think that you're right. When I have sex it should be about me, no one else and I should enjoy being single. Thanks!

[stillafool]

Many of us have been married, have no desire to have children. Being interested in only casual relationships doesn't mean picking up people in the subway, nor does it mean that we cannot really like/enjoy the company of our bedmates.

 

What it does mean is that we lower the lights and turn down the sheets knowing exactly what the relationship is... and what it is not. I'm not interested in having any man park his shoes beneath my bed for the long term, I'm not interested in forever or in falling in love so to speak. I'm interested in Mr Right for now, not for Mr Right.

 

 

 

I like this explanation and it is true. We all have biological needs and sex is as important to most women as food. You have to have it. The thing that most men don't understand is most women are not going to tell another guy about these experiences.

[SilkRose]

 

Anyway, OP, I totally know where you are coming from. I was at that point once, also. Unsure of whether or not I would be able to. As long as you are honest with yourself, you won't have any problems with deciding whether it's right for you or not. You are, no doubt, a smart woman.[/QUOTE]

 

Thanks Erica, that's so sweet. I think you're right.

[SilkRose]

I do NOT have romantic feelings towards the men I sleep with. How do I manage them? I text them to see what their schedules might be when I am in the mood. Are they friends? Some are and some are not. The guy who makes me squirt is definitely not a friend with whom I socialize. We just hook-up ever few weeks. Sometimes he wants to spend the night but I have gotten to the point of only inviting him over for nooners and not at night to discourage it (mostly because I get up at 4:30 a.m. and he sleeps until 7:00).

 

I actually meant how to do manage the emotions...as opposed to the men. lol. But you covered everything. Thanks for your answer and your honesty.

[stillafool]

Please don't try to "be like that"..

 

I think many people CAN kill off a part of themselves and not be in touch with their true selves. Is that good?

 

I have found that the most insecure women are the most sexual. Making a guy cum seems to be a quick fix for their insecurities. of course aftewards they feel like trash, or are so cold that they lack feelings completely.

 

I have NEVER met a secure, balanced, confident woman who could just have sex, get up, leave, and feel happy never seeing the person again.

 

I feel some of the women on this board might be a bit hippocritical..They say they can separate sex and love, but then add "They rarely have casual sex", or "only did it a couple times".. If casual sex is so good and fun, and you are happy afterwards, why not bang a different guy each day or week? Why do this so sparingly if you really enjoy sex wit no strings? Men who can have sex at any time can, and often do. Think of riock stars and athletes who sleep with thousands.

 

Being a woman you also can be like a rock star or pro athlete very easily.. If you really love casual sex, then why not? Or are you just trying to "pretend you are just like men", which is not only a huge turn off for several reasons, but also shows how clueless about the difference in the genders you really are.

 

If you say men can have casual sex as if it is nothing but a woman cannot then answer me this, why do so many guys come to LS crying their hearts out over women who don't want them? Why don't you advise these guys to have casual sex because - aren't they suppose to have sex with no emotions? It seems that some of these guys emotions are off the chart yet the women they want don't even call them back. How do you explain that? Why do you advise them to get a foreign woman? Why do they need a gf or wife at all if their emotions are never involved?

[stillafool]

I haven't read the rest of the thread, but my answer to the question is yes.

 

I have recently learned (for the first time ever, really), that I can have sex just for physical enjoyment, without any emotional fallout. I am still very selective with a partner, mainly because STDs exist, and in some cases, women bear the brunt of health risk and trouble relating to STDs. For instance, men are just carriers of HPV, but it can cause cervical cancer in women. I have always been very careful with my health, and I continue to be amazed that so many are so cavalier with theirs.

 

I have spent a lot of time and energy researching sex and love and the brain chemistry involved, so I understand why I have the emotional reactions that I do, whether from going on a date, kissing, or having sex (bonding hormones, rush of good chemicals, etc.). And knowledge is power. Understanding these reactions means I can avoid attaching certain meanings to them.

 

If I get a chemical rush during sex with a man, I know what's going on and why. I don't have to take it any further than a fun, sensual time.

 

 

Ruby, I've talked to a lot of women who are feeling the way you do about sex now. You are not alone. Women are evolving to this. I predict this is going to be more and more common in the coming years.

[SilkRose]

HAHAHAHA.. Yeah right...

 

 

Strange how you seem to be advocating casual sex with no emotions but ADMIT you had it one time in your entire life after a break up..If it is so great why haven't you done it much more? No more good looking guys want to bang you?

 

There is no need to reduce a complex discussion to a question of 'bangin'. There are correct or at least interesting terms for sexual acts. Intercourse doesn't necess lead to orgasm and isn't the only thing...possible...or desire. Oral is amazing when performed well and with enthusiasm. Actually if I could find a man to just do that, I'd be alright. lol!

 

I'm not advocating it, because the question wasn't whether or not you advocate it, the question was whether or not it's possible, and I was stating that it is.

 

I haven't done it much more because I'm 22, I've only been sexually active since I was 17, and have been in two long term relationships during that time. So that's 5 years of being sexually active, over 4 of which were spent in a relationship. That leaves around 8 months of me being single. During that time I had a ONS and a couple of flings before meeting my current BF. Now I am happy because I am emotionally and sexually fulfilled. As I believe I already stated, while being only sexually fulfilled is good and fun, having both (emotional & sexual) is the ultimate goal. I've reached that goal, so I'm good. :]

 

You've been very clear about your view and experiences. Am glad you're in a happy relationship. Really like your comments!

 

I would not want to marry a girl who has "switches" in regards to sex. Meaning she really doesn't care too much who enters her body, as long it feels good. Some men will settle..

 

Erica, how many men have you had casual sex with , with no emotions?

 

No one is discussing "switches" as you call them. We all care about sex and who we have it with, that's why we are talking about it!

 

Oh yeah, then why do men fall head over heels in love? Oh, and then come here to LS and complain that these women don't want them anymore?

 

LOL!

 

I haven't read the rest of the thread, but my answer to the question is yes.

 

I have recently learned (for the first time ever, really), that I can have sex just for physical enjoyment, without any emotional fallout. I am still very selective with a partner, mainly because STDs exist, and in some cases, women bear the brunt of health risk and trouble relating to STDs. For instance, men are just carriers of HPV, but it can cause cervical cancer in women. I have always been very careful with my health, and I continue to be amazed that so many are so cavalier with theirs.

 

I have spent a lot of time and energy researching sex and love and the brain chemistry involved, so I understand why I have the emotional reactions that I do, whether from going on a date, kissing, or having sex (bonding hormones, rush of good chemicals, etc.). And knowledge is power. Understanding these reactions means I can avoid attaching certain meanings to them.

 

If I get a chemical rush during sex with a man, I know what's going on and why. I don't have to take it any further than a fun, sensual time.

 

Knowledge is power, true.

 

I like this explanation and it is true. We all have biological needs and sex is as important to most women as food. You have to have it. The thing that most men don't understand is most women are not going to tell another guy about these experiences.

 

So true, whereas women can talk to close friends (other women, sometimes gay men or seriously mature straight/bi male friends) about their experiences. Also I've found that most straight guys get excited they can't handle it if I discuss sex properly, I always have to use distant examples, otherwise they assume I want to act something out with them...so I avoid frank/honest/detailed chats about sex with straight men now. lol!

 

Now that I am single, when I'm ready I can experiment, try out some things I couldn't do in the relationship, gain some experience. If I feel ready and I'm with the right person. My ex had more experience so he didn't have to be curious about certain things. Now I can enjoy myself without hurting anyone. I don't and would never cheat on someone.

[sid3]

Ruby, I've talked to a lot of women who are feeling the way you do about sex now. You are not alone. Women are evolving to this. I predict this is going to be more and more common in the coming years.

 

So the question is, will it reduce the number of nice guy/beta threads on LS, or will the 10% of guys that have the most sex just get even more, thus increasing the niceguys need to post about their frustrations.

[carhill]

The mechanics are pretty simple and covered ad nauseum here on LS. A woman desires casual sex, presents herself and 100 men approach. A man desires casual sex, presents himself, and approaches 100 women. The numbers of course are incidental, but the principal is the same. BTW, it doesn't matter if the woman is married, in a relationship or single. I saw it happen during my marriage, having a lot of female social contacts.

 

So, the logistics of casual sex are far different gender-wise, unless one is living in a condensed population center or the male is universally attractive where women approach him.

 

How many of the respondents have had their requests for casual sex turned down? I presume, like Carrie, you move on to the next number on the list, but how does that work in reality? Is it really the same 'black book' men historically have had that always seemed to piss women off? Fascinating stuff, to me anyway