Art_Critic Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 Honey, the fact that he let her do this reflects very badly on him. You are way too nice for him. Surely you can see that. I have to agree with this.. Ariadne needs to let him go... I also wanted to point out that the biggest issue I have with all of this is the time frame and the fact that they were never in a relationship. If they had been in a relationship and she wanted to pine after him for a year then I would think that would be okay.. This is many years later and she has altered the destiny of her life over something that will never be.. We have all been thru breakups that were hard and did things we wished we never had till we got over them.. but they never broke up since they were never together.. As well as she doesn't see the things she has done in the past as something she wishes she hadn't done.. Those are basically the reasons I have a problem with this renewed contact.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ariadne Posted June 18, 2008 Author Share Posted June 18, 2008 I also wanted to point out that the biggest issue I have with all of this is the time frame and the fact that they were never in a relationship. That would be you an my mother. Every time I mention Denver guy she sighs and says that's history. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 That would be you an my mother. Every time I mention Denver guy she sighs and says that's history. I sound like your Mother .. okay.. I've said my piece.. Ariadne you just have to move one.. you have to start dating again.. Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 I am not encouraging her. Not at all. I would never encourage this kind of obsessive behaviour. I am only trying to see things through her perspective. We all want to see her fully over DG. This doesn't mean that she should be bashed for sending him an e-mail when she discovered that he had broken up with his girlfriend. Exes do that kind of thing all the time. Of course, she did come on a bit too forcefully but I think that's Ariadne being Ariadne. Link to post Share on other sites
Lishy Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 Ariadne, please just stop contacting him now. If you are truly soul mates then he will come to you. You need to think about moving on from him and finding somone who deserves the love you are capable of giving! It will happen but not until you let DG go! Marlena, you are a truly wonderful human being and I would love to know you in my real life! I know you like to see the good in everything but A is obsessed with this man and it is so unhealthy for her, it is ruining her chance of finding happiness. Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 but A is obsessed with this man and it is so unhealthy for her, it is ruining her chance of finding happiness. Thanks, Lishy. So are you, my dear. Yes, I agree totally. She must let go. She will drive herself mad if she continues like this. She can do it. She is stronger than she thinks. She raised a child on her own if I am not mistaken. It takes a strong and capable woman to do that. Link to post Share on other sites
Lishy Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 Thanks, Lishy. So are you, my dear. Yes, I agree totally. She must let go. She will drive herself mad if she continues like this. She can do it. She is stronger than she thinks. She raised a child on her own if I am not mistaken. It takes a strong and capable woman to do that. You are so right but the problem is that she does not realise that this is what she needs to do. You cannot cure a problem when you are in denial that there is a problem to begin with Come on Ariadne, we cannot all be wrong hon! Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 Yes but isn't perception one's reality? If A doesn't perceive that there's even a problem, then in her eyes there just isn't a problem and therefore nothing to "fix." It doesn't matter if everyone here thinks there's a problem that needs to be addressed. She doesn't see a problem with this. Some people choose to live in their own fantasy worlds. If that makes Ariadne happy and it's not hurting anyone, what's so horrible about it, really? Some people take drugs to achieve that kind of state of mind. Ariadne comes by it naturally! Link to post Share on other sites
Lishy Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 So I take it that you feel it is healthy behaviour Touche? How will A ever be happy when she is holding onto a reality which is, infact, make believe? I believe that telling her that she is doing fine and is right is not helping her at all. Would you be happy if your daughter was doing this? Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 Some people choose to live in their own fantasy worlds. If that makes Ariadne happy and it's not hurting anyone, what's so horrible about it, really? Because one lives in a state of denial doesn't make it less wrong or less unhealthy. A drunk lives in a state of denial while drinking.. Does that mean it is okay for that drunk to continue to hurt the people around them with their drinking ? She hasn't directly hurt anyone other than herself but she has gotten glee or satisfaction from another's pain ie: the ExGF.. She also in the past was hurting another.. She was hurting his GF with her fantasies.. She was also hurting the same guy she professes to love.. he was in a relationship with the now ExGF and A's continued contact was straining their relationship.. ie:.. she was told to leave him alone.. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 So I take it that you feel it is healthy behaviour Touche? How will A ever be happy when she is holding onto a reality which is, infact, make believe? I believe that telling her that she is doing fine and is right is not helping her at all. Would you be happy if your daughter was doing this? No, you're jumping to conclusions. I never said it was healthy. If you read my other posts on here you'd know that I don't think it is. I've never told her she's doing the right thing. Yes, Art I know what you're saying. But who is she really hurting NOW? The ex is not in the picture anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 Yes, Art I know what you're saying. But who is she really hurting NOW? The ex is not in the picture anymore. we need to stop encouraging her.. there is more to this story that what is on LS.. Link to post Share on other sites
tinktronik Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 we need to stop encouraging her.. there is more to this story that what is on LS.. Indeed there is, this is not some innocent non-threatening romantic thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Lishy Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 She is hurting herself. This is a site to help people and by molly coddling and making excuses for her actions, we are not helping. By saying "Oh she is happy in her own little world full of fluff and nonsense" we are not doing her any favours. She may be happy to be in her own little world full of soul mates that do not exist in reality but surely if she realised the truth of the situation and got over it she would have a much better chance of being truly happy in a relationship that actually did exist? I am sure that is what her son wants too or he would not have pestered her to mail him every day. I do not think that encouraging her to continue on her quest for Denver Guy is helping at all. Ariadne will read the pros and not look twice at the cons. Link to post Share on other sites
Nevermind Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 One big problem I see is this: Ariadne keeps changing her story. Case: She said in this thread that Denver Guy never told her he didn't love her. But: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=81751&page=3 > Do you love me? [i asked] No. You know I'm done with that sort of stuff.http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=81751&page=4 Yes, I see you as a friend. I care about you as a friend. We talked about my limits before you came out here, we talked about it when you were here. I've never said anything different. We met three times during the year. The first time I went to see him (from LA to Denver) for a week. We had what I'd consider the most intimate moments. I guess because it was the first time we saw each other. Touching him was magic, his smell was heaven. But he couldn't kiss me. He said it was because I wasn't "her". Basically it felt as if someone had punched me in the stomach. Things got so awkward after that, that I cut my trip short and left. [...] In restrospect, I realize that he put up a show to make me happy. [...] She is changing the past. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 Some people choose to live in their own fantasy worlds. If that makes Ariadne happy and it's not hurting anyone, what's so horrible about it, really? She is hurting herself...And here's why... She is changing the past. Her fantasy and obsession-like feelings for him IS clouding her. What is real and what is fantasy? The lines are blurry. Fact that she's written him and he replied has made it worse and brought this thing alive again, feeding her feelings and making more intense. Before this, it was fantasy since they were not in contact but with the contact it's given her a hope that wasn't there before, atleast not like it is now. Only way this will end is either she wakes up and realizes he is NOT jumping on a plane and coming to her or he gets a restraining order against her. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 GRRR, I've never encouraged her. I've never done anything of the sort. I've told her a million times to stop going on that g/f's blog and I've even told her to stop telling me about her blog and not to send me links to it anymore. I know there's more to this story. I just don't feel like beating a dead horse with this anymore. You can't MAKE someone think another way if they don't want to. And that's where I'm coming from. If Ariadne wants to continue living in a dream world, none of us can stop her. And she didn't ask for us to change her views on this anyway. Frankly, in all honesty, A I think you do need help. I don't think you're mentally very stable about all of this. I like you and I say that with love you know. You have a funny way of looking at relationships. You really do romanticize them. I've even seen you do it where my own marriage is concerned. The way you talk about my marriage..mentioning the gardening/white picket fence, etc. Yes, it's good but we have disagreements and don't always get along..just like any other couple. We actually can get on each other's nerves sometimes, you know. But if you want to continue to live in Fantasyland, none of us can stop you. Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 Actually, the culprit here is not Ariadne but DG himself and his paranoid and immoral girl friend. Splashing "private" pictures all over the net of a girl you once had a connection with, whatever that connection was, is downright cruel not to mention illegal. I don't think Ariadne has harmed either of them in such a base and vile way. The more I think about it, the angrier I get. Just because Ariadne sent a few emails does not justify this girl's cruel actions. Nor his for I have no doubt that he was in on it. Ariadne, they deserve each other and you deserve better. DG is not the man that you have fabricated in your mind. See him for who he is and stay far,far away. Link to post Share on other sites
Lishy Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 I think we are all on the same page here. I just really hope Ariadne will listen and take it on board We all have your best interests at heart A. You have a way with you that is sweet and naive (and a bit eccentric at times) and we all like you alot. You have 14 pages of responses, not because anyone wants to bash you, but because we do care! Delete his email address, delete the myspace and forget him. He is not who you think he is and he does not deserve your love! Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted June 18, 2008 Share Posted June 18, 2008 I think we are all on the same page here. I just really hope Ariadne will listen and take it on board We all have your best interests at heart A. You have a way with you that is sweet and naive (and a bit eccentric at times) and we all like you alot. You have 14 pages of responses, not because anyone wants to bash you, but because we do care! Delete his email address, delete the myspace and forget him. He is not who you think he is and he does not deserve your love! Well said and I agree. Link to post Share on other sites
BlueEyedGirl Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 Denver guy has handled this situation horribly and I beleive that on some level he finds that Ariadne's affections feed his ego. As you all know Ariadne is very open about her feelings. When they were corresponding (her and DG) for over a year she repeatedly told him how much she loves him and he gave her the line of being confused and kept writing to her up to 15 times a day. The moment he got back with the ex gf, he abrutly stopped writing to Ariadne (because he didn't need the ago feed anymore). He didn't even offer any good byes or an explanation and even friend or a panpal should have been treated with more respect than that. He gave his then gf full access of his e-mail account together with all Ariadnes e-mails and explicit pictures which the gf later posted online (and he fully knew about it). And finally, he is well aware of everything, her drive to Denver, the rose, her reading blogs and forums EVEN her posts on LS, and yet as soon as things ended with the gf (hence the re-newed need for an ago feed) he choose to reply to her e-mails after 2 years or so of no contact. Knowing the depth of Ariadne's infatuation, that was a pretty cruel thing to do.DG is just (sorry Ariadne). Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 that was a pretty cruel thing to do. DG is just (sorry Ariadne). I'll agree with you there.. but he doesn't own all the responsibility for her infatuation.. She contacted him.. he just replied to her continued infatuation.. I still think she needs some form of counseling to get past this.. blame shifting also isn't a healthy thing for her at this point.. Acceptance of each parties wrongs or rights for what happened is a way of moving on.. Link to post Share on other sites
burning 4 revenge Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 You cynics just don't believe in love. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted June 19, 2008 Share Posted June 19, 2008 Denver guy, if you're reading this thread, are you happy with the results? While I understand that Ariadne is an adult and responsible for her own actions, are you doing anything to help her cause, beyond responding to her randomly, therefore, feeding her obsession? Are you definitively saying to her that you're not her soulmate and never will be so maybe, just maybe, she can move on with her life? Are you telling her point-blank that there's no hope...EVER, that you're not interested in having a romantic relationship with her? Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind, which includes taking some abuse on yourself, for the good of someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ariadne Posted June 19, 2008 Author Share Posted June 19, 2008 Ariadne, please just stop contacting him now. Maybe one day I won't care about Denver guy. But until I do I'll keep on writing and trying to find out everything I can about him. Link to post Share on other sites
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