luvmy2ns Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 How pathetic Howcome you love him so much more than yourself? Haven't you heard the adage that love starts with loving yourself? If you dont even love yourself then what good is your love to him? You are in essence saying you have no respect or self love and so if you love him why would you want to offer him something so worthless as a woman who can't even respect herself? That's what I said, like, 15 posts or so ago. Link to post Share on other sites
Kasan Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 I really don't understand how you can see with such laser like clarity the pitfalls and problems in other people's relationships and not see your situation as it is with Denver Guy. You do know, I am sure, that investing all your energy in a relationship that will never work, will probably make you miss out on a relationship that could work. What a loss that would be, as you are such an interesting, loyal, and quirky person who would bring so much to the table. Link to post Share on other sites
Nevermind Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 To remind you: Ok, So we've been talking... Here are some parts of the talks: Okay, if you want me to disappoint you, I'll do it. > Do you love me? [i asked] No. You know I'm done with that sort of stuff. And then: You and I are looking for different things from life. I'm not looking for a romantic relationship, I'm not looking for a partner, I'm not looking for any of that. If you want those things, you'll have to look to people other than me for them. And then: You make me smile, I like you, I care about you, and I'm not going to get romantically involved with you. And then: > Is that because you don't like "me"? You can tell me that, I won't be offended. No, you're not a pest, you're not creepy, you're not any of that. But you shouldn't be "hanging in there"; you should be focusing on your own life and your own needs. Comments anyone? Ariadne http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=81751&page=3 He said he didn't love you. Why should he love you now? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 Sounds like he enjoys the ego feed, knowing that Ariadne is completely inlove with him but he only wants that attention when HE wants it. He is a taker, not a giver. A, I really wish you'd try to let him go because this guy isn't worthy of your love. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 I wouldn't even go that far WWIU. I think Denver Guy is your typical guy who had some compartmentalized fun with some internet pussy while being single with no real feelings, then when the opportunity arose, went back to his g/f. I know this sounds harsh but I've been there, on the side of being the internet pussy, that is... Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 To remind you: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=81751&page=3 So he does read her threads here.. or did at one time.. She sent him the link to the other thread.. Ariadne.. I'm sorry this went this direction so quickly for you... I know you can't seem to kick the addiction to him but you need to try... Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 You guys don't understand that sometimes loving someone unattainable is better than loving noone at all. Maybe Ariadne doesn't want to move on from this because her life would be even emptier then. Yes, Sometimes holding onto a dream is better than not having a dream at all. I think Ariadne is comfortable in her unrequited love for Denver guy. In some quirky way, he fulfills some of her emotional needs. He gives her something to hope for, something to aspire to, something to live for... a glint in the darkness. She can lose herself in her thoughts of him and how things could be if only he too were to realize that they were meant fro one another. In a strange way, this sustains her and injects meaning into her life. He also provides comfort and a sense of safety. By loving him, even if only from a distance, she needn't put herself out there for anyone else. She doesn't want to make the effort. She is perhaps tired of dating and reluctant to start over again with someone new. By hanging onto this illusion, she finds some measure of happiness, however much it is based on fantasy. Perhaps letting go off that dream would utterly crush her. Am I right or worng, Ariadne? Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 That's fine if the fantasy is something that doesn't stop you from living life. What Ariadne has done, is to block any chance of personal happiness. She's idealized him to godhood status. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ariadne Posted June 17, 2008 Author Share Posted June 17, 2008 By hanging onto this illusion, she finds some measure of happiness, however much it is based on fantasy. Am I right or worng, Ariadne? Well, there's part of that. But also that I've been reading all these new age books about soulmates and stuff, and I believe that we are meant to be, the stars will collide for us to be together with signs all around. Which is part of the fantasy too. Link to post Share on other sites
Nevermind Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 So. Let.The.Stars.Do.Their.Job.And.Live.Your.Own.Life. Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 Which is part of the fantasy too. You know Ariadne's love, Theseus, abandonned her sleeping on a rock on the island of Naxos? Time to wake up, my sweet. A new day is always another day of promise. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 Which is part of the fantasy too. If that is all part of the fantasy then tell me what is the reality.. ? Link to post Share on other sites
luvmy2ns Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 I was hung up on a guy - the one who was the cause of my finding LS. I finally gave up and decided it was never gonna happen with him. I was able to get over him by working on myself and taking care of my son, going out with lots of friends and focusing on having fun with them, and eventually opening the door to other guys. I was very clear with each of them that I was only dating; wasn't looking for a relationship, and I wasn't. It was then and ONLY then that the right guy came into my life. Funny thing is, after my sweety came into my life, the first guy started calling me again. I was so torn! First guy and I met for a couple drinks (I had no intention of cheating or anything). We maintained a friendship of sorts, and the more we talked about his relationship with the gal he's been with for quite some time (not married, and he has been thinking of getting out of it ever since I've known him) the less respect I had for him. I mean, what kind of person puts up with being treated the way she treats him? And this not only from him, but from some of our mutual friends, so I know it's true. I had always thought he was this strong, alpha-type guy, and he was allowing this woman to walk all over him. I think he's sorry he didn't take his chance when he had it now, but I'm glad in retrospect that it didn't work out because he is NOT the guy I had built him up in my mind to be. It may be hard, but you CAN forget about this guy. There IS someone else out there, but he'll never find you if you don't open your eyes. And respect yourself, for God's sake! Link to post Share on other sites
ahah2322 Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 hey A, the relationship you have with DenverGuy is one-sided. it's blatently obvious that he's not into you. no arguments there. what is so intriuging is that both of you never had a history (of a relationship) to begin with and you've been hanging on to him (or to put it crudely, stalking) for a mighty long time. NOW, you should re-examine yourself and come to terms with the harsh fact that both of you will never be together. subsequently, if worshipping him on the sidelines rocks your boat, then so be it. if not, time to move on to bigger and better things. a princess will always have her knight- maybe DenverGuy is just not the one. so, maybe 'the all or nothing' attitude is not the best way to the real Prince, eh, A. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ariadne Posted June 17, 2008 Author Share Posted June 17, 2008 Well, eventually opening the door to other guys. I was very clear with each of them that I was only dating; wasn't looking for a relationship, and I wasn't. It was then and ONLY then that the right guy came into my life. I don't care about guys anymore. Forget that. Link to post Share on other sites
luvmy2ns Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 Well, eventually opening the door to other guys. I was very clear with each of them that I was only dating; wasn't looking for a relationship, and I wasn't. It was then and ONLY then that the right guy came into my life. I don't care about guys anymore. Forget that. Apparently you do. Link to post Share on other sites
luvmy2ns Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 Well, eventually opening the door to other guys. I was very clear with each of them that I was only dating; wasn't looking for a relationship, and I wasn't. It was then and ONLY then that the right guy came into my life. I don't care about guys anymore. Forget that. And, just to make things clearer, I wasn't into any of the guys I was dating. I was merely having fun. No, not f'ing all or even ANY of them, but I was being taken out on fun dates. They were all nice, attractive, successful men, and I didn't lie to anyone. Each knew I was seeing other guys. I was juggling half a dozen and having fun with all of them. It was nice to be sought after like that and squired about and taken here and there. It was all part of the "new me" - the one who wasn't taking any crap of ANY damn man! I was out for me and ONLY me. I was nice to all these guys, and I even paid sometimes. I'm not a user like that. But there were no promises made, and I was ONLY in it for a good time. It really helped clear my head. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 Well, there's part of that. But also that I've been reading all these new age books about soulmates and stuff, and I believe that we are meant to be, the stars will collide for us to be together with signs all around. Which is part of the fantasy too. You cannot make someone fall inlove with you. After all this time, he hasn't felt it, he isn't going to feel it ever..Sorry A. I think you're reaching and looking for reasons to give yourself hope. By hanging onto this illusion, she finds some measure of happiness, however much it is based on fantasy. But ALL of it is based on HER perception, which is not reality at all. The fantasy is not real, it's all in her head. One day she WILL realize that Denver Guy doesn't really exist, atleast in the way she thinks he does. Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 But ALL of it is based on HER perception, which is not reality at all. The fantasy is not real, it's all in her head. One day she WILL realize that Denver Guy doesn't really exist, atleast in the way she thinks he does. Yes, I know. I also believe that she knows. She just likes holding onto it. Perhaps one day she'll just tire of of it. Then again, she might not. She likes living in fantasyland. This is what she does. This is what sets her apart. Nothing we say is going to get through. Link to post Share on other sites
Nevermind Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 If she were playing banjo naked but for a coat of red paint in front of the local retirement home, she'd be set apart as well. Doesn't mean it would be a good thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 But also that I've been reading all these new age books about soulmates and stuff, and I believe that we are meant to be, the stars will collide for us to be together with signs all around. If you believe that there will be signs all around that you will be together then wouldn't it stand to reason that there would also be signs if you were not meant to be together ? I hope you get what you want Ariadne.. you certainly have sacrificed yourself for it.. What do the signs read or say that are visable to you ? Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 Ariadne, if you were meant to be soulmates (hate that term because I don't believe in it), he would be moving mountains to be with you or at minimum, have maintained contact. He would not have gone back to his g/f or maintained distance. Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 I think Nevermind has been very perceptive here: Basically, judging from what you write about your life in general, I think you chose to love Denver Guy because it is the easy way out. You don't need to be afraid of emotions, because you won't have any, since you already found your soulmate. Also, it gives you a good reason to feel sorry for yourself. No matter how you lived your life, separated from your soulmate everything would be meaningless anyway, so no need to try. It's a safety measure. That's fine if the fantasy is something that doesn't stop you from living life. What Ariadne has done, is to block any chance of personal happiness. She's idealized him to godhood status. yes, and if i ever get to personally meet DenverGuy, I may just throttle him, as his existence has also extinguished Ariadne's ability to be happy for anyone else who is happy and in love. Link to post Share on other sites
luvmy2ns Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 yes, and if i ever get to personally meet DenverGuy, I may just throttle him, as his existence has also extinguished Ariadne's ability to be happy for anyone else who is happy and in love. It's not this guy's fault she's lost her head over him. It seems apparent he's not leading her on at this point. Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted June 17, 2008 Share Posted June 17, 2008 It's not this guy's fault she's lost her head over him. It seems apparent he's not leading her on at this point. I was being sarcastic. The chances of me ever actually meeting DenverGuy are miniscule. Link to post Share on other sites
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