I have breast cancer

[DazedandConfused66]

LB, MRI's can tell a doc a LOT these days...I'm amazed at how far they have progressed with this equipment versus the sports-related MRI's I had performed just a decade or so ago. Amazing advances for non-invasive diagnostics.

 

However, you need to be prepared tomorrow to ask the doctor how he will determine the involvement (if any) of your lymph nodes. This is a very important step in determining your treatment options.

 

My wife started her treatments a year ago, so I can related to the timing of all of this. For her it went:

1. Aug 2006: Biopsy and pathology...actually 2 biopsies one after the other as the results were inconclusive after the first.
   
2. Aug 2006: MRI and CT scan
   
3. Sep 2006: Lumpectomy and Axillary Node Dissection, followed by pathology
   
4. Sep 2006: Path reports showed no clean margins and the cancer was under the nipple, so breast conservation wasn't really an option but they needed to go back in and remove more tissue. In addition, it showed cancer in several of the nodes, so Stage 3A diagnosis...which dictated our treatment options.
   
5. Oct 2006: Full masectomy....the other breast, while showing signs of calcification, didn't show the same markers so she kept that one. Many women decide to lose both at that point, it's a very personal decision. This is also when you need to decide if you want reconstructive surgery and, if so, what kind. If implants, they will likely put a tissue expander in right away or shortly after the surgery. If you opt for one of the other options, you can delay your decision for some time. Regardless, your surgeon will need to know your preferences so he/she can keep as much tissue there as needed for the various options.
   
6. Chemo from Nov 2006 to April 2007. Lots of energy booster shots, procrit and the like. Oh and I'll never fess up to it outside of an anonymous message board, but a certain illegal plant substance, ingested and cooked in food, does remarkable things for your digestive system. It really should be legalized for this. They have alternative drugs that do much the same thing but the "wild" option was cheaper. Mrs. Dash should really look into this......
   
7. Nov 2006: Hair loss began at second treatment...gone by third,
   
8. Radiation from April - June 2007
   
9. June 2007: Skin healing/recovery and started Tamoxifen (5 years on that)
   
10. October 2007: Reconstructive surgery starts next week, 6-week recovery (DEIP procedure, tummy tuck, they use the tissue/blood supply from section removed during tuck to rebuild your breast). We are looking forward to a Christmas without chemo and a new boob.

I'm a "project planner" by nature, so I had mapped out her entire history and treatment plan and we kept tabs on it all the time.

 

The reason I share this is to give you some indication of the "stages" I was talking about earlier. Each one builds your "story" and your treatment options from there on out. Until they have a complete diagnosis, you won't know all the things available to you.

 

Good luck tomorrow! Keep us posted.....

[LucreziaBorgia]

It really helps to look at an actual timeline like that. I have a lot of respect for your wife and what you and she are going through together. It really does help to read this.

 

I see your wife is on Tamoxifen - did her doctors give her the option of ovarian ablation? I can't take Tamoxifen because of a blood clotting disorder that I have (I read that one of the risks of Tamoxifen is blood clotting), so I'm figuring that ablation is my only other options to suppress the hormones feeding this cancer. I am not planning on having any other children. I don't have a cervix anyway thanks to a bout with cervical cancer. I think if my doctor offers I will go ahead with the ablation (heck, if he throws in a hysterectomy I won't complain), if that will do the job of Tamoxifen.

 

As for "herbal medication" I have a couple of "witch doctor" friends who know ALLLLLLL about that sort of thing. I'm sure they will have a variety of things that they will sneak that into.

[Havn_a_life]

I went through that with the abnormal pap and I know exactly how you feel. I spent over a year of getting them every few months. At first the paps stayed the same stage but then I had one go a stage lower which was really scary. So they lasered the abnormal cells off. I still had to get paps every few months for a year. Finally all was clear and now I only have to get them yearly again. But I know what it's like to have that fear. I know what it's like to suddenly look at life differently.

 

I don't know it to the degree you're facing it OP, but I've had a small taste of that fear and you realize how unimportant everything else you've been worrying about becomes. You'll hear conversations that other people are having and you'll realize how trivial and stupid that they sound.

 

I was in a store at the time and a mother was arguing with her child over what color pants he should get. The argument went on for 20 minutes. I wanted to scream to the woman: "Let him get what color he wants! What if you find out tomorrow that you have abnormal cells on your test results. Is it going to matter what color pants he has THEN???"

 

It really changes your perspective about things.....at least temporarily anyway.

 

I have an 18 yr old dd whom we haven't always gotten along, but now, I'm trying so hard to, and when she still won't meet me half way(on certain things) I just feel really sad. I want so desperately to be close.

You never know what can happen tomorrow and her being 18, she doesn't think anything can. She thinks we're all immortals and will live forever.

[uniqueone]

I have an 18 yr old dd whom we haven't always gotten along, but now, I'm trying so hard to, and when she still won't meet me half way(on certain things) I just feel really sad. I want so desperately to be close.

You never know what can happen tomorrow and her being 18, she doesn't think anything can. She thinks we're all immortals and will live forever.

 

It's sad but you can't get that through to them at that age. They're too concerned with so many "little" things and with being "right". I know I was.

 

I remember when I got to the age when I realized that I'd better change because I realized that my parents were getting older (my parents being 40 years older than me) and so I tried to let all that angst go.

 

But age 18 is too young for someone to realize what really matters. They are first just setting out to try to prove themselves ---and usually to prove their parents wrong.

 

I hope that she realizes it soon though, but in the meantime, just realize that you're doing the best that you can.

[Havn_a_life]

I am. It just hurts sometimes when we get into it. Not just recently because of the abnormal pap, but I just really love her and want us to be close.

We aren't promised tomorrow. I hope she realizes it one day.

[DazedandConfused66]

Hi LB!

 

Ovarian ablation is more an "adjunct" therapy for my wifes consideration, given that she was pre-menopausal at the time of her diagnosis. Typically, they believe chemo/radiation/Tamoxifen to be the normal treatment and ovarian ablation and/or removal to be an "extra step," rather than a substitute for Tamoxifen. From what I've read, the Tamoxifen regime seems to be preferred as it's drug based rather than surgical based, but to be blunt, I sometimes wonder if that's not because of the tight linkage between the pharm companies, insurance companies and the medical practitioners in general. I may be a little too conspiratorial but I have to tell you that I sometimes really question whether or not there's not some unwritten rule that says "drugs first, surgery as a last resort" because one is more profitable than the other.

 

My wife does have PCOCS and that was also a consideration. Statistically, our biggest risk for my wife's particular cancer is going to be in the next 5 years. If she gets past that threshold without finding cancer elsewhere in her body, our risks go down significantly thereafter. That's one more reason why they recommend Tamoxifen for 5 years.

[AriaIncognito]

Just wondering how things went for you today LB. You're an amazing person and are someone for all of us to look up too. I'm also grateful that you have dazedandconfused on here who has been through this all with his wife. I hope things went as well as they can, and please keep us posted.

[AriaIncognito]

Reading today's posts has me a tearful mess, but they are not tears of sadness, but tears of hopefulness and inspiration.

 

LB, your strength is awesome.

 

DazedandConfused66, you should write a book about your experiences. I could read your lovely, thoughtful, inspirational words to no end. Your love story is so profound in that as a couple you have taken what could have been a devastating event and turned it into something beautiful.

 

Thank you both for sharing your stories with me.

 

I ditto this DDL. I'm sitting here bawling my eyes out, not because of the sadness of this thread, but because it shows me there are people in this world who can and do love fully. Sometimes I lose faith that people like this exist. I realize they are rare, but wow, what a powerful thing they are.

[spinalcord]

i don't have any spech to console you. we all know that although breast cancer is primarily a disease of women, almost 1% of breast cancers occur in men. In 2007, it is estimated that 2,030 men in the U.S. will develop invasive breast cancer. Breast cancer is cancer arising in breast tissue. Cancer is simply a group of abnormal cells that have abnormal growth patterns.

[NineGirl]

wow....

i have now words for that.. i am in tears from reading this post, and i thank you for posting this because it gives me a sense of realization for my own life. i commend you to how your handling it.. there must be so many things going on your mind right now that it is just way to complex..

[LucreziaBorgia]

Thanks all. Yesterday was the MRI. It was a breeze. Tiring, but otherwise no big deal. It is finally sinking in now and I feel fear creeping in around the edges. From the size of the tumor, it would have been growing somewhere between five and ten years now. Meaning... it would have hit me in my early to mid twenties. I wasn't thinking 'mammogram' in my mid twenties. I wonder if they could have caught it though, back then. My worry now is the spreading. Is it in my lungs? My liver? My skeleton? My brain? Every ache and pain from the last ten years is haunting me now. I worry that the doctors will miss something.

 

I've read some uplifting stuff lately, and I've read some morbid stuff lately. Young women who fight it, only to die a year or two later when it surges back. I am going to pick up Nordie's At Noon this week sometime and read through it. Out of these four women my age and younger, two have died since this was published. I'm almost afraid to read it.

 

I know death is a natural part of life, but who actually sits around and thinks about it? I would expect that most people go about their business like death doesn't exist for them, only for other people. A clinical sort of empathetic detachment...

 

I dunno. Maybe I think too much.

 

I will say this though. It is Breast Cancer Awareness month. Plenty of places are offering free screening. If you are a woman, even one as young as her twenties - GO GET A SCREENING. Boyfriends, husbands... take your wife, your girlfriend, your sister, your mother. What do you have to lose?

 

I wish I had paid more attention when I was younger, and had done the same.

[DazedandConfused66]

I know death is a natural part of life, but who actually sits around and thinks about it? I would expect that most people go about their business like death doesn't exist for them, only for other people. A clinical sort of empathetic detachment...

 

This is the ONE part of fighting cancer that is so very, very hard to manage LB. I can't tell you the number of times I've been watching my wife doing something completely mundane and had a negative thought or 25 slip right in to try and tell me that I'm watching her do it for the last time.

 

But this is why we've chosen to treat cancer as an Enemy and not just a disease. It can, and often does, rob you of so much more. Losing your life, I believe, isn't the biggest risk you face, however scary that may be. Losing your sense of joy and fulfillment are the biggest risks. You are right, we all face death. We can face it knowing that each day we awaken brings us one step closer to it, or we can awaken knowing that each morning gives us one more chance to experience joy and happiness and so many of other things that everyone else does.

 

Cancer brings with it such a strong sense of your own mortality. People who complain about the effects of mid-life crisis have no idea how blatant of a interruption to your life having cancer can be, as it now appears your "midlife" could have come and gone before you realized it. But in some ways, that's where the strength to fight cancer comes from. You have been giving an opportunity (although you may not see it as such) to realize that your life may be cut short. I STRESS the word "may" as that's not the case for everyone. But because you know this, you will now have the ability to view each day a bit differently than you may have otherwise.

 

One of the most difficult things for her, and I know this because I can't tell you the number of times I've held her in my arms and just listened, truly listened, to her fears, is an overwhelming sense of fear and hopelessness. She's not afraid of death, she has confided in me, she's afraid of leaving us, her husband and children, behind and without her. She's afraid of grandchildren she'll never see. She's afraid of retirement trips we'll never take. She's afraid of watching her happily ever after end up in a hospice. I get so angry myself sometimes when I hold her because I want to shake her and tell her that I WONT let that happen.....but I realize that for all my capabilities, I'm powerless to do much more than just....hold her. Soothe her. Listen to her. Let her know that no matter what she will NOT face anything alone. It is such an overwhelming sense of anger and resentment that I had to seek help for it myself. And in doing so I learned from a couple of very good therapists and support groups for husbands of cancer patients that you have to accept that death is a very big reality. But it is NOT certain. And it's not foreordained that it will be from the disease.

 

Which leads me back to how I deal with it and how she deals with it. Cancer may have control over her body and may even now control her time and nature of death. But I'll be damned if it's going to control how she LIVES until that happens. No effing way. It has already taken so much from her, I'm NOT giving it that freely. I will not and I'm on her like hair on a gorilla anytime I see her get that "look" that tells me she's feeling fatalistic about living. I do the same for myself. If I see her doing something (and I watch, just WATCH my wife so much more than I used to) that demonstrates to me she's in that funk, I've developed a dozen or so ways to step in and put a smile back on her face. And I've monitored this so closely with her treatments. We had a big scare last month when a supplemental MRI showed a big growth on her ovaries. Turned out to be benign. We had another one just this past week when they also saw something on her lung. Turned out to be benign. God has a wicked sense of humor....who knew that cancer patients can grow normal, everyday, annoying cysts just like everyone else can?

 

Read. Get inspiration. Talk. Find joy. Find happiness. Find those things in your life that make you smile and wrap yourself into them. If something isn't making you smile, don't do it anymore. I quit attending the 1,001 various cancer awareness runs/walks/crawls because I kept finding myself meeting people walking with "In Memory Of" banners and I just couldn't deal with it any longer. Those individuals have strength I wish I could have some days and I think I've got a lot. But I'd see my wife walking with me and she'd become fixated on those also and we just can't let that happen. So we find other ways to stay involved....which leads me back to little 'ol you.

 

YOU are our focus here LB. For my part, and I can tell the same from looking at all your supporters here, your fear will not grow here. Cancer may, we can't prevent that. But I honestly and sincerely believe that your joy, happiness and overall sense of fulfillment WILL prevent the spread of the disease. I've seen hope and joy squash it more than I've seen treatments do it. Doctor's say the same thing. Actually, our oncology team have told me that 2 types of people show the best success rates at beating the disease....those who don't let it get them down spiritually, and those who are just plain too mean to die. I've tried the mean thing....keeping a PMA is sooooo much more fun.

 

I've said it before and I'll sound like a broken record, but it's the single best advice I can offer. Fight it. Don't let cancer get out of your body and into your life. It can't impact your happiness unless you let it. It has no power. Draw your battle lines. Show it your skin and say "this far, but no further." And get your support team to help you monitor those boundaries. That is something THEY CAN DO which is so important to them and to you. Cancer is your battle. Your happiness is too. And cancer can't take that from you unless you give it away. Do NOT give it away. Not a single second of your life should be spent that way.

 

Draw the line LB. This far, and no further.

[riobikini]

LB, how is your daughter and boyfriend handling all this?

 

I always check back to this thread and look to see how you are doing.

 

Not out of curiosity but out of a strange (since I have never met you) kind of concern.

 

You are offering marvelous support to others who may someday encounter the same shocking news even though it's clear you need support, too -and encouragement- and will continue to need it from wherever it comes.

 

When I read your posts in this thread it's always a "standstill" moment for me -a time to reassess specific things in my own life and be absolutely human in the authenticity with which I am taking in the depth and gravity of your situation.

 

I admit -I'm thinking, "How would this affect me?"

 

And I am always rendered to an humble state when I read how amazingly strong you remain, how wise you are in your reflections, and how intelligently you are facing every aspect of what it means to have cancer.

 

The rest of what I think and feel is ineffable.

 

You have my support.

 

Virtual hugs -and real prayers -expedited!

 

-Rio

[LucreziaBorgia]

Dazed, thanks again for your support. Every post I read of yours helps me that much more. Does your wife ever want to get an account and post? I'd love to hear from her too.

 

LB, how is your daughter and boyfriend handling all this?

 

My daughter is ok right now. I told her, and she asked if I was going to die. I told that from what I know so far, that this won't kill me. She seemed ok after that. I guess in her mind, I will be sick but will get better. I haven't pressed her to go any deeper than that. She knows what to expect, but right now, she doesn't see me feeling sick, or hurt, and I don't look any different except for the hair. I worry about how she is going to handle what I look like coming out of the hospital, bandaged and with tubes coming out of me.

 

I wonder what she will go through seeing me bald, losing weight, and too tired to do anything. She and I share a bed, always have - and I will not be able to cuddle her close because of the post op stuff. Once the chemo starts, and the radiation - I will not be able to be physically close if she has something as simple as a cold. I think of laying there, watching my daughter cry because I can't hug her sometimes. Can't cuddle with her at night sometimes. When the real sh*t starts, that is when I will get worried about her. I have spoken to her counselors, her teachers, and her pediatrician. She has a lot of support in this. I am more worried about her than I am myself - I worry about her emotional well being, her school performance, how this will affect her long term. I know that there will be times where I want to reach out to her, and this stupid goddamned cancer will be right there in the middle of us.

 

My boyfriend is shocked, but supportive. He takes the guy stance of "we're going to fix this thing", and puts on a very brave face to all of this. Talks me down, comforts me and all that. My exH is the same. He is devastated - he loves me as much as he ever did even though its not a H/W sort of love anymore. It has hit him as hard as it would if any family member had it happen, though probably more so - he and I were, and still are close and he worries for our daughter as well. I may end up staying at his place for a couple of weeks post op while I'm getting my new place set up and merging two apartments into one home. I am thankful for both the men in my life. Don't know what I would do without either.

[riobikini]

LB -despite the cancer you are a very fortunate woman to have such caring people in your life.

 

It goes without saying -judging from your post- that you already know that.

 

I agree with what DazedandConfused said,

" I've said it before and I'll sound like a broken record, but it's the single best advice I can offer.

 

Fight it.

 

Don't let cancer get out of your body and into your life.

 

It can't impact your happiness unless you let it.

 

It has no power. Draw your battle lines.

 

Show it your skin and say "this far, but no further."

 

And get your support team to help you monitor those boundaries. That is something THEY CAN DO which is so important to them and to you.

 

Cancer is your battle. Your happiness is too.

 

And cancer can't take that from you unless you give it away.

 

Do NOT give it away.

 

Not a single second of your life should be spent that way.

 

Draw the line LB.

 

This far, and no further. "

 

 

That's some of the most profound and usable advice I've read on here in the longest time.

 

And Steven Covey said, "We think we see the world as it is, when in fact we see the world as we are."

 

Do not look at the world -your world- through eyes that percieve yourself as a person whom cancer has -but as a person who has cancer but has options, -and can still function outside its complete control.

 

-Rio

[Kasan]

I check in often to see how you are LB. I am touched by your honesty as well as the support you are receiving.

 

To me, this thread is probably the most important on this forum. It really puts all the "other stuff" in perspective.

 

I thank all of you for sharing.

[Art_Critic]

I check in often to see how you are LB. I am touched by your honesty as well as the support you are receiving.

 

I wanted to add to this and say the same thing..

I read this thread everyday..

 

I'm a guy who has never been touched by breast cancer other than thru the business world (we do a lot of the mastectomy product catalogs/photo shoots ) but I am touched by all of the posts in this thread and I have a genuine concern for LB and feel that by reading it I'm giving her my good vibes.

[DazedandConfused66]

You are doing the right things with your daughter relative to helping her deal with this. I've got 2 daughters, both early teens, and a small toddler son. The girls, fortunately, both got hooked up with some mentors at their school, teachers who had some experience with cancer (one is a breast cancer survivor) and they freely volunteered their spare time to take my daughters under their wings and give them some extra attention. I have been so thankful for the random acts of kindness shown by relative strangers to our family....it really humbles you when it happens.

 

What I learned, again from the women in my life, is that for a girl in general, talking really is a big deal. They needed to see some normalcy in the family routine, they needed to see some happiness and they needed reassurances that Mom is going to fight this and fight it hard. I've monitored them closely, took them both out individually and together on some dad/daughter dates just to spend some extra time with them and, this is very important, also sent the two of them with Mom to a spa for a day so the three of them could share some fun and goofy girly times together. And we work hard to ensure that cancer and mom's condition isn't the elephant in the room all the time. Cancer is discussed openly in the family, the girls even have seen mom's masectomy scars (their choice entirely), but we don't live as a "cancer family." No way, I'm not giving the Enemy that much access to us.

 

But really, the most important thing I've learned over the past year is that not living like a "cancer family" was important to them. Girls seem to be very concerned with routine and keeping a happy outer face so we did a lot of fun stuff and they have done well. Grades didn't suffer, no big emotional issues (a few at first), etc. Just normal teenagers.

 

My son was a bit different. My wife is a SAH mom and he was always all over her. So after her surgery we had to keep him from being "rough" on mommy. That's hard to get thru a little boys head, but it also made me spend more time being his buddy and roughhousing to wear his butt out every day. I started referring to mommy as "my girlfriend" and teaching him the basics of learning to treat women with respect and gentleness....if he head-butts her, he gets a nice reprimand on how NOT to treat my girlfriend. It's so cute to even have him correct me now when I walk up behind her and just sweep her off her feet in a reverse hug...he starts beating on my thigh and saying "Be nice to her daddy!" and giggles like a banshee.

 

I started travelling a bit less with my job, and found that I really really enjoyed doing chores and housework with the kids. It gave us time to talk, to learn together and to give acts of service to mom. Again, it's so important to your support group that they feel needed and helpful, I can't begin to tell you how important that is. I actually think that was the hardest thing for my wife and I to both accept. We've been fairly self-sufficient and always more of the "givers" than the "acceptors" when it came to friends and family help. But as your tagline says, it's amazing how much your past actions come back a hundred fold. I literally had to send out a group message to slow down on the meals and food and offers of help....it was overwhelming and I was running out of freezer space LOL. But people helping makes them feel good. If they feel good, it creates an atmosphere of joy and happiness around you. That joy feeds your positive mental attitude. That keeps the Enemy at bay. Circle of life, hakuna matata and all that jazz.

 

Wigs, kerchiefs, hats and scarves abounded in our family while my wife went thru chemo. I'll even tell you that my wife went a bit crazy with the wig thing and worked it into our dalliances in the bedroom a few times much to my surprise. Pink everything was the norm for awhile, but that gave way to acts of service as the norm in our family. I've been so proud of my daughters and have silently wiped away tears of happiness in the background while I watched my oldest put her arm around one of her girlfriends who's own mother was just recently diagnosed with breast cancer also, giving her advice and comfort that only someone who has been there can offer. To watch them deal with the fear in the manner they do just....well, it's sometimes more than this dad can handle and still "take it like a man." But girls are girls....they bring out our softer sides.

 

And thru it all, I realized that my wife longed for the feelings of her breasts being crushed as she was hugged tightly by her family, I had so little understanding of how important that feeling is for a woman. I've read and spoken with other women who have shared this same insight and spoken about how much reconstruction meant to them, just to get that feeling of "completeness" again during something as simple as a hug. It's there LB, it's available to you. It may not be exactly the same, but this isn't all lost to you. So many wonderful options exist today that can restore your health and your sense of completeness. Make sure you realize that before investing too much time and energy in remorse. Grieving is a natural part of the acceptance cycle, you are fully entitled and encouraged to do so. But it, too, has a stage and it can and should pass on eventually.

 

There are specific support groups just for kids. Please, let me know if you need any direction for your daughter in this regard. But the best support is what you are doing, have been doing, as her mom. Love her, answer her questions, give her ways to show she loves you in return. It will help her deal with things.

[marlena]

LB,

 

This bastard should have known better then to mess with someone like you! It doesn't stand a chance in hell of beating you. You'll outsmart the bastard. For if it is evident from your posts that you are one helluva a smart lady ...and a strong one and a good one. A shining example for all us bickering folks here in LS.

 

One of my best friends had colon cancer about five years ago. She's a gutsy lady with a strong zest for life. The hews shocked and worried us all ... The first time she spoke to me about it she said in her usual cheery voice.."I'm gonna beat this mother*******. And so far she has. She is the life of the party always. She also has a good support system... aloving husbannd with a great sense of humour ..who even as we waited outside the OR he joked about.

 

You will cuddle your lovely daughter for many years to come... and don't forget us here on LS. We need your down to earth straight to the gut posts!

 

Thinking of you!

Marlena

[AriaIncognito]

Just thinking of you today, LB, and wondering how you are. I know the 19th is looming. Just know that we are all here, pulling for you, and praying for your speedy recovery.

 

We know you will beat this thing.

[LucreziaBorgia]

I am very anxious. Edgy. Ill tempered. I find myself getting angry at the smallest things - it is like my soul has an angry sunburn and most everything right now is irritating it - except, of course the kind words of support. Those are welcome indeed.

 

I get my MRI results on Monday. I am very concerned about that. I will find out if the cancer is multifocal, whether it is in the left breast too, and whether it is in my chest wall. That is the part that scares me - that it has spread. I have had some disturbing things going on in my chest over the past year or so - all on the cancer side. It will not surprise me to hear that it has spread there.

 

I am worried about the surgery mainly because I don't know what to expect when I wake up. They won't know how much they are taking until they have me opened up. They will be looking at the margins of the tumor - if the margins are clean, then it will likely just be the lump coming out. If the margins are not clean, then it will be the whole breast. If there is cancer in the left breast, then most likely they will both come off. If the sentinal lymph nodes are positive, then all of my lymph nodes will come out. It is frightening to know that I will be going into surgery with absolutely no idea of how I am going to be coming out of it. All I know for sure is that I will have a Port-a-Cath installed in my chest, to make the chemo easier.

 

I have made up my mind about one thing - if they take one breast, I have requested that they take both. I haven't decided if I want implants or other reconstructive surgery. I have wanted a reduction for so long now, I may just say 'screw it' and opt out of reconstructive surgery and just enjoy a flat chest, no bra freedom. I don't care about preserving the breasts. I guess I am vain in a reverse sense in that I would rather have no boobs than reconstructed ones.

[Havn_a_life]

Yes, I'm with ariawoman. Thoughts and prayers your way!

Take heart and know there's alot of ppl who are doing the same. LOTS & LOTS!

The good Lord listens.

 

Philippians 4:6

Have no anxiety about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.

[LucreziaBorgia]

I got a letter from the MRI people today in the mail. They informed me that I have a malignant mass on the right side. Well, I knew that but...

 

That's it. No mention of anything on the left side. That sounds good to me. On Monday, I will get some more details from my doctor in terms of whether it looks to have invaded the chest wall or not.

 

Tiny steps, but this was a welcome one.

[carrotgirl]

Lucrezia,

 

It's victory #1. One breast with ca beats two! My highest hopes for closely clustered mets and easy radiation/chemo post surg. if that's your choice.

 

I was one of the women who was diagnosed in her mid twenties. It took a really long time for me to feel "good" about my scar (just the one) and my life. I wouldn't trade for the world now. Every day of life is worth having (even the awful ones) and ca is beatable.

 

Remember, when it comes to ca, the more you complain, the longer God lets you live. Be strong, question, fight, yell, love, laugh, BE alive!

 

Love,

Carrot

[Havn_a_life]

This girl sounds like she's got some good advice!